Cathy's Journey to Life

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Cathy
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DAY 48: I’m-Pulsed

“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society.” ~ Edward Bernays


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the truth of how manipulated and enslaved humanity is even when the facts are written in plain sight and in the blood of the war-torn, poor and starving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the right to an opinion when clearly opinions within this world are carefully orchestrated and manipulated through greed where those who have the least support those who have the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning society because to question the substance of our society within the hierarchy of rich vs poor, means that I must first question substance within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be i’m-pulsed and MANipulated by manufacturer’s and corporation’s to want and to buy things that I don’t really need by linking mass produced goods to my unconscious desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled and directed through the education system, television and advertisements and according to inner selfish desires of what makes me ‘feel happy’, where within that I’ve become a living expression of the perfect impulsed consumer – satisfying and gratifying myself through products for birthdays and holidays keeping myself pre-occupied within the belief that ‘love’ is for real – when in reality, ‘love’ is always ‘for sale’, because what I love is the energy high of having the most money to spend/impress and buy the loving feelings of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within my secret mind of thoughts and desires – I’m-pulsed to collect energy as love and money – buying my way to experiencing love through using/spending/receiving/abusing and/or giving money to satisfy a desire for love/sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the media to spin pictures and ideas which I participated in within my mind, thus became impulsed and manipulated through subtle messages that reinforce certain brands and buying patterns within my unconscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist seeing who I’ve been within the choices I’ve made in my life according to the money I’ve spent and the part I play within the patterns and deliberate acts of manipulation upon society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing countless acts of self-dishonesty, where according to how the rich and famous are beHaving, in how their spending their money – is how I determined what I would then desire to spend my money on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how cigarettes were staged as’the torch of freedom‘ by rich debutante’s who were paid to appear smoking during a large public gathering in order to ‘set the stage’, so that women would ‘feel free’ and accepted as a smoker, thus the staging would increase sales for cigarette corporations through symbolizing the cigarette as ‘the torch of freedom’, and just as was projected/manipulated, the sale of cigarettes increased within the impulse that if a woman smoked, it made her powerful and independent and within that single act of deception - which occurred years before I was even born – I was impulsed to years later, follow the generations of women before me – wherein I made the choice to begin smoking and loved it, thus, I spent/burned alot of money on an irrational idea that I accepted and allowed as rational.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that links products to unconscious emotions/desires and feelings based upon the plan of the wealthy to inherit the earth no matter the cost of the suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize/ and understand that that which I fear letting go of and/or giving up within my world is an indication that I have defined myself as that which I fear letting go of and/or giving up through my mind consciousness system – thus I must direct myself to walk through the resistance of giving it up and letting it go unconditionally, because I have already proven to myself that no matter the perception of difficulty, if I don’t do it – the universe as myself will forcefully take it from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear of loss only exist in the mind because in self-honesty, I see that I am not able to lose anything, not even myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear of loss is derived from obsessions and/or possessions, thus the fear of letting go of and/or giving something up is how and what I have defined myself as within a fear of, if I give it up I will lose myself, and the fear of losing self can only exist within the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of the problem within this world – Thus
I commit myself to being part of the solution for this world in supporting an Equal Money system, which will be the beginning for all to have the opportunity for the awareness of self to step forth.

I commit myself to slowing myself down in awareness of me here breathing and to stop manipulation and impulses and, to always consider what’s best for all first within all my decisions, directions and actions of/as self.

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Day 49: Master of Disguise

I’ve kept my 23 month old granddaughter Emmeline almost 5 days a week since she was 2 months old. She has always enjoyed her feet massaged and the touch of my hands on her feet and her feet held in my hands formed unexpected moments of bonding between us, proving the calming power of touch. From the first moment I began massaging her feet, her facial expression and her physical expression immediately relaxed as if to say, ahh, thank you.

Things are changing though. Emmeline is almost 2 and her sounds are turning into words which are becoming sentences. Her physical body is becoming patterns of her mind forming as consciousness. It’s actually very easy to see when one has a look, how our children are carbon copies of us, and we are copies of our parents, and obviously, they were copies of their parents.

I realized very early with Emmeline how when babies begin to sound words they are like parrots mimicking it’s owner, and so far I’ve done alright in stopping reacting to/towards her. That’s not to say that I’ve never reacted to her, but mostly, she’s assisted me and has taught me more about myself than my children and not because of them, it’s because of the difference in who and what I accept and allow, as who I am now that I’m walking the Journey to Life, a 7 Year Process of facing myself in self-honesty through writing and self-forgiveness.

Which brings me to my point – today Emme and I were coloring and kind of lounging around when she propped her feet in my lap similar to any other day. I put the colors aside and began to lightly massage her feet and I saw how she was different. Her eyes immediately focused on my hands massaging her feet and it’s like I could see the wheel turning in her mind. And for the first time, she suddenly pulled her feet away and let out a squeaky giggle and said ‘that tickles’. Her giggle wasn’t her spontaneous whispering giggle that’s accompanied with a slight shrugging within her chest area – no, this was triggered within her unconscious memory from someone she’d seen and heard react to having their feet tickled, and she was mimicking their behaviour. I knew that she wasn’t really experiencing a tickle and that she doesn’t understand that her reactive consciousness behaviour wasn’t real. Her eyes had confusion within them – as if to say ‘I don’t get why I did that’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require to live in fear to protect me and be safe thus I unconsciously taught my children fear so that they may be safe and protected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear will protect me and keep me safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at babies/children within a personality of thoughts of ‘how cute they are acting’, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that they’re mimicking the reactions and behaviours we’ve taught them through constraints and limitations covering up the realness of who we are hiding in fear within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the physical expression of myself and my children through how I taught them to behave to have manners that I believed were a necessary part of society and in doing so I’ve limited myself and them to become that which society expects of a well behaved working class slave.

I forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed within what happens to fear according to what we make fear do to us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to withhold myself from physical expression through touch because I made a decision about myself a long time ago in fear, that when someone touches me they’re judging me, but it’s only me, judging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when as a child I feared what I saw when I saw my mom naked for the first time and heard voices within my secret mind judging her – was the moment I chose to abdicate myself as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as a child I felt controlled from the outside as well as from within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when we argue, we are fighting for our lives – through the eyes of children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we’re attracted to the emotional qualities in another that we have accepted within ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that shame and guilt are masters of disguise.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there’s actually nothing I am able to do that will forever disguise myself from me.

I commit myself to show parents that the passing on of the sins of the fathers is only real because we allow it to be and that the Real Solution for Life will value and honor All life per the words of Jesus: “Love Thy Neighbour as Yourself” = Equal Money

I commit myself to me in accepting and allowing the expression of me as my physical body within and as self honesty to emerge as who I am standing up for and as All Life.
“I commit myself to show that the generational damage parenting inflict on Life is KNOWN, yet accepted, allowed and justified.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to make sure parenting becomes that which will protect and honour Life as the Only Real Value in the Universe.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that history is the evidence that parenting has never been in the best interest of a child on Earth, and that the parent has always abused authority to produce the child as a copy of the parent that repeats the same abusive patterns with feeble justifications like it’s God’s Will or that it’s is just Human Nature. ” ~ Bernard Poolman
From: Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 44: In the Name of Love

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Day 50: The Situationist

Today I reacted to a ‘situation’ in irritation and anger in how life is always about Not having enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and irritation instead of realizing that I was hiding from myself within a desire where all I wanted was to be cared for.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’m addicted to the internal anger just sitting there inside me of unresolved issues I’ve held onto regarding how money effects every situation within our lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my addiction to anger in how I’ve used money as leverage to judge, manipulate and deceive members of my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my addicted nature where in ‘situations’ regarding ‘lack of money’, I utilize anger in judging, manipulating and deceiving myself where I’ve told myself that I’m not driven by money – that I just want a happy and peaceful life for my friends and family, when in reality, I was brewing inside with thoughts of how ‘life isn’t fair’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that anger towards the words spoken/written by another is an indication for myself to see that I am in fact only reacting according to how I have defined myself within and as the words I’m reacting to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use anger in spite as a reason to say ‘I told you so’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create situations from what is actually boredom of my mind as consciousness instead of stopping what I realize, which is that boredom is a pattern – not a reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have baited the hook so to speak in setting myself up to become ‘angry’ just to make myself feel ‘better’ through becoming an emotional bail bondsman, always willing to ‘bail someone out’ of another financial crisis in order to make myself feel better, thus continually seeking myself within polarity equations of creating a positive experience to feel better about a negative experience I’m having of myself.

When and as I see myself reacting to the words spoken/written by another, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to seeing who I am within my reactive nature as the word and forgiving myself in order to purify my mind as it through self-forgiveness and self-directive application.

I commit myself to Stop myself as the situationist just waiting like a vampire to suck upon others experiences just for the energy within emotional and feeling charges.

I commit myself to proving that with an Equal Money system we will no longer live situations of energy as life, instead we will breathe life from/as expressions of Us, Equal to and One as All.

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Day 51: Longing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long to be part of something and at the same time not know what that something is and simultaneously fearing whatever that something may be, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a simulation within my mind for the appearance of myself as having temporarily fulfilled the ‘longing’ within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize in self-honesty that it is intimacy (in-to-me-i-see), that I am longing for when I feel as if I’m suppose to hold onto something or someone or as if I’m leaving someone or something behind – it is only me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate longing with believing that I must seek out my longing through an experience of falling in love when in actuality I see/realize and understand that it’s in the search that I long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my longing began as a young child wanting to be closer to my mom and dad but experiencing inner conflict and fear of not knowing whether I might be imposing on them for my being there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life, experience constant internal conflict of wanting to be a part of something but also fearing I was imposing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself from life living a definition of self as an imposter thus hiding within my mind in self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in the illusion as energy I attempt to define myself and when the energy runs out I feel lost again in longing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long to be like everyone else and within that Not realizing that I already am.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the one who always got left behind, when in reality what was happening was me existing in CONcern for my mind as thoughts, feelings and fears for how I was experiencing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the relationship connections formed in this world as myself with others is an illusion and that that which I have experienced in this world, with regards to love and relationships and feelings of any and all kind, have not actually been real, and that all that is important is who I am as me here in self-honesty according to what’s best for all,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, live, and become the words ‘dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing’, where within that I solidified my own illusion and abdicated myself from life itself.

When and as I see myself longing within a feeling of wanting to be a part of something and / or someone, I stop. I breathe. I accept and commit myself to release myself from the state of mind as longing.

When and as I see myself longing and lingering within a feeling of imposing, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that as I remain aware of me here breathing and directing myself through self-forgiveness in self-honesty – the imposter as me stops.

I commit myself to remaining aware of who I am in and as longing and to purify my mind as the word longing through self-forgiveness and self-correction and self-directive application.

I commit myself in self-honesty to through breathing Stop lingering within feelings of imposing.

I commit myself in self-honesty to Stop me as an imposter.

I commit myself to Stop me as longing, in realizing that what I long for is me supporting me in self-honesty supporting life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to through daily writing and self-forgiveness, to face me in self-honesty as I peel away and release the layers of self through Self-Corrective Application – to Release and bring to the Point of Nothingness All and Everything Not in Service to Life in Every Way.

I commit myself to realizing that it is only as a group coming together as one that we will as a humanity have the opportunity to change what is here in creating Heaven on Earth, where through an Equal Money system we Will eventually bring an end to our current longing for living life as an illusion creating our reality in war, poverty and starvation and thus breeds murder and rape upon our children, ourselves and our land, thus we will Stand together, til it is done and we’re All standing Equal and One.

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Day 52: When I Said I Do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and self-interest to be the direction I took in walking the beginning of/as marriage when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the answer given as the solution for a troubled and/or pregnant teen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk down the isle for what I knew in self-honesty was resistance, when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the product of a world/money system where at the time, marriage was the only acceptable solution for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself over and over when I could hardly breathe as I walked down the isle, that everything will be fine when I say I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a marriage ‘ceremony’ that felt more like a ‘show me for the money‘.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system that glorifies marriage with illusions of romantic honeymoons and life long happiness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that marriage is Not just about free opportunities to fuck.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play barbie dolls as a child where I pretended to be married with children, living happily ever after, which was actually my mind as consciousness preparing me for my already pre-programmed existence within my predetermined middle class American life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be part of the American dream which is actually an abSOULute nightmare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire a symbolic commitment written on a piece of paper in order to ‘feel’ secure and trusting to walk hand in hand in this life with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that functions where people in marriages and relationships have automated their abilities to put on a happy face, on the outside, but on the inside, behind close doors, all hell is breaking loose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that doesn’t prepare children with the resources, tools, nor the ability to exist as an effective individual with the ability to support themselves and thus their world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents do Not educate their children, nor prepare them for what it’s like to struggle to survive within capitalism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form the opinion of myself at a very young age within the starting point of fear, in believing that I was always going to require a man/partner to take care of and support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and blame everybody else for the reason our world/money system is such a fuck up, instead of realizing that in fear and self-interest, I didn’t want to face myself within the realization that I am just as responsible for how our world exists as anyone here is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the ‘fall in love design of consciousness’, where I believed I would be supported and cared for as long as I followed the rules of the bible in that the eyes of God would care for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the socially acceptable/destructable construct in which to raise a family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the creation of marriage as I’ve lived it is a creation of my mind as consciousness where my ego supports the ego formed through and as relationships such as marriage, friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that governs people through justifications to discriminate one’s ability to marry based upon religous beliefs and sexual preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that getting married was actually me fulfilling my fear and self-interest within the desire and need to Not be like my parents when in fact in my attempt to escape being them, I became them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project blame onto my parents as being the reason for how I’ve experienced myself in/as marriage – instead of realizing that I have manipulated and justified the decisions I’ve made according to self-interest, ego and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a word/money system where the laws have been created to better protect relationships and property – meaning that widows and children are provided for better in death than in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for not teaching me through living an example of how to master self-responsibility and accountability within self-honesty as an adult within this world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my parents for my marriage failure, and to begin repairing me through self-forgiveness, to stop who I am within the marriage construct and to direct myself in self-honesty to stand and walk in agreement together with my partner as we stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through an Equal Money system we can stop how family and marriage constructs create control within individuals.

I commit myself to stabilizing myself and to show that being able to understand one’s past will change our future in relationships.

I commit myself to show the common sense in educating parents to support their children in self-honesty according to what’s best for all, thus bringing new life on Earth that’s worthy of life in it’s utmost potential.

I commit myself to trust myself in the moment to direct myself, and thus I Do Not require to make fear based symbolic commitments.

I commit myself to show how when we commit ourself to someone it will be because we are directing ourself in the moment as it exists only in the moment, not in the future.

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Day 53: Stepping down off my high horse

My mom use to say to me, “You better get off your high horse”. Here – I forgive myself for blaming my parents for who I am, and I step down off of my high horse and face me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the definition given to me by my parents as me being on a high horse where apparently my attitude was one of disdain, when in fact I was shutting down inside myself within my mind in fear in thinking I was unworthy of ever being seen and/or noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect the fear I felt inside myself by acting out with a haughty attitude and snobbish behaviour towards my family – when what I really wanted was to face me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a personality who strived to associate with those of a higher social status, thus my behaviour was condescending to/towards others and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself within a feeling as if I was sinking back into myself in inferiority/infear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to live out my past experiences in my present moment because of a false sense of self as feeling comfortable in knowing what to expect of/from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents fear their children through acts they refer to as love until the child becomes the behaviours they witness being lived out daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and spite my parents for how I experienced myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for abandoning myself to my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mom for my regret of living myself as a lie, because I see/realize and understand that it was only me who abdicated myself from self-responsibility from me as life equal and one to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through disrespecting me as my physical body through sexual experiences in order to give myself a false impression of experiencing life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I was as a little girl was the beginning of me not recognizing me because I was to busy sabotaging myself through attempting to be what I believed others expected me to be – instead of realizing I was existing in blame within my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me to such a point that I manifested abuse within and as my physical body.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness release the definition of me as being on a high horse free.
I commit myself to giving me me in self-honesty.
I commit myself to giving me all of me gracefully.
I commit myself to holding silence as me.
I commit myself to forgiving all of me.
I commit myself to me as breath.

I commit myself to be the living proof as/for me that the past is over. READ: Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 56: The Past is Over

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Day 54: All we need is Love

All we need is Love” = Lie

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe being ‘in love‘ with someone is all I need to complete me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘design of love‘ to exist within our world/money system as a means of deliberately manipulating and controlling us into blissful fuckness within our mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where babies are starving to death before our eyes while we exist hopelessly and helpless inlove to fill us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to say ‘all we need is love’, is to be existing in make belief lies in and as the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an experience of myself of/as falling in love - instead of realizing that love is in fact evil because when one is ‘in love’ one is completely lost in ones mind in self-interest and oblivious to the fact that half the world is starving to death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when I create experiences of myself in-love – in polarity I manifest the energy of crehating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing love to create a humanity of/as insatiable consumers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if even one person within this world starves to death then love cannot and does not exist within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in love I exist in/as a pure egotistical nature because I become indifferent to the well-being of others.

Ego
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing allowed myself to derive a sense of strength and power through stating ‘my point of view’ as’my opinion’ which charges my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing allowed myself to shape, conform and condition myself within this world according to the female stature and status wherein I have taught and shown the generations to come the exact same method of survival because I ‘believed’ in ‘love’ and thus believed ‘I loved them’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the mind’s ego will always look for validation and respect from others because the mind’s ego cannot exist without others agreeing with it’s existence through confirming ‘my opinion’ and ‘my point of view.

I commit myself to stop love as I’ve lived it as me in ego.
I commit myself to showing that love as we’ve existed as and lived within this world is a lie.
I commit myself to showing how Equal Money is the Solution for living love for real.
I commit myself to self-honesty.
I commit myself to loving me.
I commit myself to accepting me.
I commit myself to trusting me.
I commit myself to enjoying me.
I commit myself to always walking the path of acceptance for/of/as a world according to what’s best for all.

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Day 55: Hiding in plain sight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within me within the urge to hide away into myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘feel’ embarrassed for having to push through the resistance of Not wanting to write within a desire to hide from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a master in self-deception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a pattern of hiding where I would withdraw from physical activity while I sat within my mind of thoughts on self-imposed pity pot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist coming out of hiding from the secrets of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by my mind’s protection mechanism of/as a listlessness mood.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry at myself for the evil I see I’ve been as my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbour feelings of self-hate towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend the doom in mood doesn’t belong to me when I am fully aware that it’s like an old friend who surprises you suddenly with their presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the point of wanting to hide seriously because I wasn’t willing to say goodbye to the oddly comforting feeling of myself hiding in pity and/or depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that hiding within myself in self-judgment is self-abuse and self-denial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method of hiding from self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide what I’m actually experiencing inside from everyone, including myself, where I present myself as being strong and not struggling because in ego and fear I didn’t want to show any signs of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use as a protection mechanism my fear of being ridiculed so I push myself to be strong to survive, no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let resistance be the directive force of me – instead of me directing me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not realizing how I became a personality of my mind just to ‘fit in’ and ‘handle’ a situation – instead of breathing and directing myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the self-denial of me in seeing that where there exists secrecy, there exists hiding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complicate who I am in this moment in expectations of who I desire myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide who I really am within secret mind thoughts of judging who I’ve been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing what I’ve allowed within my relationships with others, thus, fearing to see myself in others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the desire to hide is just the negative end of the polarity pole with the positive being that of seeking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my mind to influence or control the words of me preventing me to see clearly my way to forgiving me.

I commit myself to allowing myself to Stop hiding from myself in fear.

I commit myself to allowing breath as an expression of/as me.

I commit myself to accepting the simplicity of me.

I commit myself to supporting a world where life comes out of hiding and assists one another to overcome our fears of each other.

I commit myself to supporting an Equal Money system to educate the world that consciousness is Not who we really are.

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Day 56: Spitfire & the Cold Shoulder

Self-forgiveness for my recent reaction/spite and blame to/towards my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a polarity equation where I reacted in turning a cold shoulder in spite to/towards my partner blaming him for how I was having a negative experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as having done something wrong when in fact I was reacting in anger towards avoiding facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger towards my partner when the inner experience of myself was one of existing within a negative polarity experience of spiting myself for avoiding facing myself within a point of blame, where instead of facing myself in self-honesty and walking the point through in self-forgiveness, I sidestepped it with the cold shoulder of spite where I blamed my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and criticize my partner for how he’s walking his process when in fact, I’m having doubts about myself and my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn to manipulation where I manipulate my partner into an agreement that it’s because of him that I feel the way I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off finishing a lesson in SRA because I found it difficult to push through what I see was me acting within and as blame, spite and animosity.

Shoulder for me sounds like:
soldier
SOULd her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give my partner the cold shoulder within the polarity of spitefire, using the words ‘I told you so’, as a weapon of words, when in fact I’m acting on the outside according to the relationship I’m having internally with myself according to the direction of my mind as a resonant pattern that I’ve existed as in blaming others for how I experience myself that I’ve acted as since I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the polarity points of love/hate, right/wrong and positive/negative where within that I have SOULd myself to the dEVIL of fire and brimstone creating eternal punishments in hell within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like the soldier in battle where inside I am battling with myself, but bringing the war going on inside to the outside and facing off in blame and spite towards another in the line of my spitfire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct anger to/towards another and/or my partner even when as I see that I’m the cause that I’ve been attempting to fault another and/or my partner with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for my whole life be a blamoholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing and forgiving me as who I am as a resonant design of keeping score in/as blame, animosity and spite where I blame others for how I’m experiencing myself because I fear facing me.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of keeping score in blame, animosity and spite, I stop. I breathe. I direct me here in realizing that I’ve existed in and as the same pattern over and over and it no longer serves who I am becoming through self-forgivenes.

I commit myself to stop who I am in blame, animosity and spite through self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to Not give up on me.
I commit myself to Not give up on Life itself.
I commit myself to understanding and forgiving who I am in polarity.
I commit myself to showing that real living as life has never yet been lived here on Earth but has only been existent through the mind as lived in reverse as the Devil.
I commit myself to show that self-forgiveness and self-honesty is the key to self living Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for all.

(To be continued as I’m forgiving and walking through my current SRA Lesson through Desteni I Process.)

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Cathy
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Re: Cathy's Journey to Life

Post by Cathy »

Day 57: Declining Blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manipulate myself and others according to the relationship I have with myself within my mind of thoughts and according to how I use feelings and emotional games where I justify abusing myself and others for the sake of having a positive and/or negative experience of myself that ultimately only matters to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and utilize the feelings and emotions of others to keep score against them in my pursuit to have an experience of myself according to a belief of myself as being superior and/or inferior and how when all my attempts fall through, I then place blame outside of myself instead of facing me directly as the cause for the affect of myself according to how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to position myself as more than another using money as the determining factor where within myself I use money against another to be the cause for my blaming them, when in fact I had already set the stage for another to fail in order to validate my agenda according to how I keep score.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny that which I witnessed within myself as a backchat thought of dishonesty in setting the stage for my blame game where I knew if only for a split second exactly what I was doing but I didn’t stop. I see/realize and understand that when and as I become aware of me as a resonant pattern of blame in supporting a polarity equation where I keep score against others according to how I’m experiencing myself as negative and/or positive I stop, I breathe. I direct me here as the directive principle of me according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score according to a negative and/or positive experience that I wanted to have of myself instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that within my expectations to/towards how I experience myself I am in actuality the only one who is creating an experience of myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that battles, wars and terrorism occur because of blaming others instead of taking self-responsibility for our inner selves which manifests as our outer world/existence as ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through blaming others for how I experience myself haven’t realized that in doing so I am devaluing others through superiority in support of me as self-interest/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where money is used to manipulate others into blaming instead of standing together in support of a world where living exists for the sole purpose of supporting one another according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I In fact, step by step created a polarity conflict resonance design that became a relationship experience within myself to/towards my daughter and her boyfriend and is in fact how I create experiences of myself within relationships within and as the resonance design of blame in and as a polarity conflict experience.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to place a negative score/ charge to/towards another: I immediately stop, I Breathe. I assert myself to practically re-look within the context of me, the situation and consider all points/parts practically in self-honesty, equal and one, and I will not immediately jump to a conclusion by/through accepting and allowing and defining myself within and as a negative/positive score/charge to/towards another.

I commit myself to stop myself as the resonant design of blame where I manipulate and keep score against others as I attempt to ensure positive experiences for/of myself.

I commit myself to remain diligent in breathing in awareness of me to check myself daily and apply self-forgiveness for resonant patterns of blame within polarity points of friction in attempts to maintain myself within experiences of myself and to direct myself according to living as/to life a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through proper education such as with Desteni I Process we can stop and become the directive principle of ourselves in self-honesty and thus create a world according to what’s best for all as Heaven on Earth.

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