664: Update on Me and Realizations from Inner Views
I know - it's been a few months since I last published a blog. I have some blogs waiting in the wings, I just had not gotten around to publishing until now. That being said, there is a lag in the subject matter so bare with me for a moment. I will do my best to get those waiting on the sidelines up and out and to continue publishing more 'present' subject matter in the near future.
The reason there is such a delay between writing and publishing is that I have taken on some new projects for myself... doing lots more vlogs (which you can see HERE
) and editing takes WAY more time than I ever consider. Also, I'm back in school. Just 1 course per semester but still... between that and a full-time job, it takes up most of my weekday evenings and some of my weekends.
I am patient so you will have to be too. And so without further delay here is the first blog written in regards to Inner Views, the kickstart to getting me back into vlogging...
Since starting the Inner Views project, and especially spending so much time editing the recordings and preparing them to be published, I am getting a lot of intimate time with the discussions and reflecting specifically on me, my words, and who I was in those moments as I recall them.
One thing that stands out as a point for me to become more aware of is, well there is actually two:
1. It's not about what is right or wrong - it's about who you are, and your starting point for doing things.
The first point is seeing how much I still saw a morality about what is right and what is wrong influencing me and what I was expressing. I had a very black and white definition of things where doing something is either right or wrong instead of considering where one is coming from.
So for instance in the IV1 - Communication recording - I start out saying very clearing what communication is not to me - and how it can be something different and that ultimately we all have it wrong and we have to do it right. I realized quickly that there are many ways to express yourself and many ways in which people learn to communicate and so it's not about defining one way of communicating as better or worse than another but rather having an understanding of WHY one communicates the way that they do and how it can become more effective. So a judgment of 'that is right' or 'that is wrong' becomes irrelevant.
2. There is more to the story... there are multiple dimensions to one person's experience, so many factors and things to consider that contribute to a single moment of someone's life and who they are and how they experience themselves. I had the tendency to sum things up in a very limited view.
The second point kind of comes through the first one as well, but that there is WAY MORE to a story then we realize. I have a tendency, again, to view something very black and white and not considering all the other colors of the rainbow and so realizing the responsibility I have to actually get to know the backstories of people lives is vital before jumping to conclusions about how to support someone or how to approach something.
I was quite humbled throughout the editing process of Inner Views because I got to hear again the discussions that took place months before and the dimensions I could see were so much more than in the moment of discussion. It's like stepping away from something and then coming back to it and seeing a whole new angle to it. And I was humbled in seeing there is still, even after YEARS of realizing it, again seeing how much there is still to learn. I don't know it all and I am in a constant state of learning and if I can open myself enough to be willing to learn than I am opening myself to constantly growing because as soon as I think I know it all, or I have the right idea, or that I know the one and only way... I am shutting myself off from a greater reality, and more possible potentials.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see things so black and white and either this way or that way, right or wrong, instead of realizing the vastness of the colors as dimensions there are to things that's what actually matters in terms of creating an outcome of our actions is who we are... the starting point, the reason WHY we think/say/do what we think/say do...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define actions through the morality of right and wrong as somethings are okay to do and others are not instead of realizing what matters is the reason behind ALL things - and that reason we give it and that reason is what determines the purpose and outcome
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ensure I am clear in my reasons of living - for each moment of each thought, word, and deed to ensure I am creating a life, not based on morality as a right or wrong, as a judgment of what is good or bad, but rather based on principles of self-honesty and self-integrity as what is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and act on thoughts of morality where I think some things are okay and others are not instead of realizing WHY things are the way they are and seeing the starting point and story behind each action as a reason for its existence to thus be able to determine if it's best for all as the actual assessment to be made, not the judgments based on a limited morality of reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a judge of things as defining it as right or wrong, good or bad, instead of realizing the reason for things being the way that they are as an actual point of responsibility where I investigate WHY certain things exist the way they do instead of just shunning something as bad/wrong and thus cutting myself off from the reality of our world and the understanding of what actually exists here
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how much more to the story there is as the reason things are the way they are and that judging something/someone is good or bad is a disservice to seeing/understanding and getting to know what is here
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to open myself up to understanding the story behind the actions, and behind the words as realizing we often only ever see what people want to show us, or can't help but show us, as the tip of an iceberg and what actually exists is massive under the surface and so I forgive myself for not realizing how much more there is to each person and to each thing in existence as each point has a story, a timeline of events, how it was influenced and shaped and who and what contributed to it
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be willing to put in the work to get to know the real story of everyone and everything instead of just assuming knowing anything based on my own limited ideas as I see, realize, and understand that my perception is limited when based on a morality of right and wrong and black and white
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to humble myself and so expanding myself within the realization and understanding there is much I do not know and I am constantly in a state of learning and that's exactly where I want to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define learning as being inadequate
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be okay with not knowing something and to be willing to ask for help and support and to ask questions to create a better understanding
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to encourage others to ask questions by thinking and believing everyone should no better all the time and that if they don't know basic common sense than they are somehow less than instead of realizing we are all having to walk backwards to a time where we existed without self-definitions, beliefs and ideas, when we were always learning and open and embracing the world around us - ready to learn and engaged in getting to know and expand our abilities and skills
When and as I see myself existing in judgments of right or wrong or good or bad, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is a limited perception of reality and that in allowing this, I am cutting myself off from what below the surface as the massive iceberg under the water and so commit myself to push myself to consider not just the black and white as the wrong and right and to instead realizing it's about who we are and WHY we are and that's what matters as the actions we take the words we speak
When and as I see myself assuming to know someone's story or knowing the solution to some problem, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have proven to myself over and over again that I am more served by being open and humble to know more than what I think I know instead of assuming to have all the answers and so I commit myself to remain curious about what is here as our reality and to get to know all dimensions and angles, and perspectives that shape our world and reality so that I can know it for real and learn from the many experiences of the billions of people on earth.
I commit myself to be open to learning
I commit myself to be open to knowing more
I commit myself to be humble in my openness to learning.