Day 402: Consequences of being a miser
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I have lately been working with anxiety/fear in relation to money. This time the fear came up in relation to the house my partner and I have built – because we have started noticing a couple of mistakes. They are not serious errors. However they will cost a bit of money to fix – and some of them might potentially be harmful for the house in a long-term context. It was the latter kind of mistake that triggered my anxiety.
Primarily the anxiety I experience is a fear of losing money/financial assets – which would be the case if I would have to make a big reparation on the house in the future. Another part of the experience is that I feel stupid, and that I judge myself, because I think that I should have been able to see this coming and prevented it. Thus – experience is a combination of on the one hand fear, and on the other hand self-judgment. On top of, or on the side of this primary experience, exists resentment/judgment towards the contractor that we hired. I feel betrayed and disrespected.
There is a myriad of experiences – and this tends to happen when some part of the physical structure in my life is harmed or collapses. It is one of my weak spots. In writing about this point I have realized a couple of things. I have understood that I cannot judge myself for the mistakes I did in the past – it is of no use and will not lead anywhere – and apart from that I was not even able to understand the problems and issues back when the house was built. I have also realized that value of connecting to people that I see have integrity and backbone – and be more careful about who I select and decide upon to come into my life. Further – I have seen that I have to be more decisive and strict when it comes to following through on what I see is common sense – and dare to stand by what I see – and not be comforted by others who are less interested in wanting things to be the best.
I have also understood that when it comes to services, you get what you pay for. And that it is stupid to pay less in the belief that you get more. When it comes to big investments that are supposed to be used for a long time – it is worth to spend a lot of money to make sure you get an effective result. It is better to save money by not spending them on things that I do not need – and then – using the money – and the required amount of it – on the things that I need – rather than compromising the purchases of things that I do need.
Thus – here comes self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a miser when it comes to purchasing things that I need and require to live a functional and effective life – and believe that I can save money and still get effective quality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am going to have to face the consequences of my decisions later on by accepting and allowing myself to compromise, and not buy, purchase, the kind of quality I need.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of investing money in quality – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that I will have great use of this quality, and that it will support me, and enhance my life, and that this is why I have money to begin with – if I only pile my money and save them up for a rainy day, I will not be able to create and effective and functional life for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making mistakes when it comes to money, and judge myself for having to spend money on correcting mistakes and errors, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself, instead of forgiving myself for my past errors and moving on and creating my life with the understandings I have acquired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that acquiring good products and services requires money, that creating things that I want in this world requires money, that nothing is for free – and that I have been duped into thinking that I can make a great deal – because there is always the fine print – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to educate myself when it comes to using and investing money – to not accept and allow myself to exist within and as a state of fear and anxiety – but to rather be rational, cool, level-headed and act with the base understanding that I will get what I pay for
I commit myself to use my money without fear and anxiety, without wanting to save in the belief that I will get more out of the purchase – and thus I commit myself to use my money to enhance and empower myself and to create a better life for myself and others.
I commit myself to not judge myself for the mistakes I have made with money – and I see, realize and understand that the only way to learn is by allowing myself to try, to test out, and to use money, to buy things, and to see what the consequences are, like I have done in this case – and then change myself when I see that my way of creating does not have the outflow of what is best for everyone involved.
I commit myself to educate myself when it comes to money and learn to use it in a way that is best for all and that fosters the creation of a world that I want to see – and dare to invest and spend money in things that I see are best – and understanding that spending money is not the same as wasting money – because I will get something in return when I make an investment