Ann's journey to life

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Ann
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Ann's journey to life

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http://agirlsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/

Day 1 – The beginning of the Journey to Life


15Apr


I am a girl, a female, a human being, living on planet earth. For a great part of my mid teenage years I had felt depressed about this world and the way I was. I saw my own superficialness, my self-pity and my acceptance of this world of abuse which I did not take responsibility for because I saw myself as unable to. Until an afternoon in 2007 … the day that stopped my depressions once and for all, and gave me the tools to support myself, and create a world best for all starting with myself. I found the Desteni website, which spoke about “self forgiveness” and “self honesty”, things I have never heard about previously. What was important for me, was to write, and discover my own patterns, fears, the way I was programmed and the behavior that is in fact not best for all. To be self honest, and LIVE the correction. Because without living it, it is useless to me.

So in the beginning I sometimes wrote self forgiveness because I felt I had to, like an obligation. But that of course never worked. It is not a magic spell, it are statements you have to use to assist yourself, to make things clear, to lay out patterns, see them and release them (a.k.a. forgive them). Because forgiveness means you are not holding on to them, and giving yourself a chance, another chance to let them go and decide for yourself who you are and will be. Because as long as we blindly follow the things that sprout up within us, based on thoughts, feelings and emotions depending on our cultur, our upbringing etc… we are not directing ourselves, and are able to be directed. You may say: big deal! But yes, it is a big deal. Just look at the outflows of this within our world. Jealousy within a household may not seem like that much of a big deal, but it is, on a larger scale it can create wars. Because people within a household are not different than politicians or leaders. They are people, who work together (or fight and manipulate together) to create a certain outcome they wish to achieve. And then we have a choice: doing what is best for all, or doing what is only best for a minority. There lies the problems we face each day, living in and supporting a system which main goal is profit, for a minority, at the cost of the majority.

So to change this all, I realized that I would have to stand as a change myself. I do not like preaching about things that I don’t live, because it feels and is fake. Therefore, I wanted to stop within me, what I did not want to see outside of me. How can I expect another to change, if I cannot even change myself? And I have proven that I can, and so did many others.

What I have always done, is look at things for myself, as well as considering the things I have no clue about. Because on the Desteni website are also material about more “spiritual” subjects for example. I see if there is info that I can use, see for myself, apply… and if it is only a story, I stay “neutral” to it, without believing or disbelieving it. Because people often go into reaction towards the things strange or alien to them, which inhibits us from progressing in many cases. It doesn’t mean accepting everything you hear from a source you trust, and it doesn’t mean disbelieving everything from a source you don’t trust. It means to establish your own common sense, and not judge everything based on very limited understanding.

So within this blog I will lay out the many patterns I face in my everyday life, but also the many patterns existing within this world. Writing out the pattern and the corrective application, the forgiveness for all beings to realize they can forgive themselves and direct themselves toward a better world for themselves and all – no matter if you are a murderer, a pedophile, a racist, a loner, a drug addict etc… Everything part of our world, requires direction. It is time to stop stigmatizing each other, and find out the true cause of all these problems, together with the way of stopping them.

The journey starts today… and I welcome you to follow it.

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A pattern most of us experience, not only during the nighttime, but also when we are fully awake. We dream, we fantasize, we imagine, hope and wait… And “wait” is the key word here. We have dreams, speak about our dreams, but when do we actually really work towards them? When do we actually put the effort into realizing them?

I am specifically referring to our dreams about a better future, for ourselves, our children and every other living being. We speak about how we would like it to be, and how much we want it, how much things right now suck and have to change… but at the same time, we just continue. We take no self-responsibility and go on with our lives – hoping and dreaming that one day, it will all be better. That one day, without us doing anything, it will be fixed. We hide in our dreams, hide from responsibility while lying to ourselves – lying about that we cant change anything, that we are inferior, not strong enough, that what we do doesn’t matter . While in FACT, it does matter. Without us supporting our current state, it wouldn’t exist. Without people knowing things can change, things wouldn’t have changed as they always did. But things have changed keeping the status quo intact, never towards a world best for all.
Because we can talk all we want, if we don’t live the change, starting with ourselves, things won’t change. That is why I became depressed years ago. Because I complained about the world, felt fucked about everything that happened, talked about it, looked at it… but didn”t do anything to stop it – not within myself or outside myself. It was self-loathing that actually triggered the depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue and follow the thoughts that come up within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the thoughts as “who I am”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I am inferior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I am to small
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I cannot change anything, because this is what my thoughts tell me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts direct me, instead of me directing myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am worthless, useless, not good enough, not strong enough, to create a change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that things will change outside of me, so that I would never have to put any effort in it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that for things to change, I also have to change within me what I do not wan tto see outside of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the patterns that play out within myself, also play out on a larger scale within this world system
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can in fact direct myself, and stop the thoughts that are programmed into me from directing me and having me believe that I am inferior to change anything.
I forgive myself that I havnte accepted and allowed myself to correct my mistakes, get up when I fall and push myself to not give up
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize that I, as well as any other individual in this world, create/accept and allow this system as it currently is today – and that it is also my responsibility to take responsibility for it and myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within dreams and fantasy about a better future
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within dreams and fantasy about a better future without actually doing anything about it, or changing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the system to change first
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the system to change and that I would not have to enter it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am separate from the system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the system is already in all aspects of our lives, we live in it, buy in it, sell in it etc…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the world to change before I would have a job
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejection towards our current system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be pushed by my reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cant make a change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the world to change because I feel not good enough to really do anything
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the world to change because I think I will be judged bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will not do good at any job I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will be judged at my job
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everyone will fire me anyway
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe iw ont live up to anyones expectations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live up to others expectations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in an inferior role
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my own failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my own failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally let go of my thoughts of failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to do my best without thinking about failure

I realize that I am as much able as anyone in this world, to direct myself and be the change I want to see. That I can take self-responsibility, that I can stop my patterns, that I can forgive myself and let go of the things that harm me or others.

when and as I see myself wanting to change the system before I have to go “into the system – I stop and breathe and I see what is necessary to be done to change this system and I will direct myself towards that. I express myself, write, vlog, talk and reach people about the equal money system, and stand in the system to change it

when and as I see myself desiring for the system to change first, before I have to participate in it I stop and breathe and I do what is nessasry to be done to bring about a new world that is best for all life

When and as I see myself having thoughts about how I could and will fail, I stop them, and simply direct myself to my best ability, and when and as others don’t like it or find it good enough it is their problem. I can only do what I can, and when I make a mistake or can improve something, then I will work on doing so.
And when and as I see such thoughts coming up, or thoughts about comparison, I stop it and breath and not follow it.

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Ann
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Day 3 – I’m afraid of you!


17Apr




For a great deal of my life, I have been afraid of people, especially strangers. I would be nervous to take the bus, to talk or be alone with strangers, to call someone on the phone, to speak in front of others… Why? Because I feared their judgment and rejection, which I found out was really my own. My thoughts about what others COULD say or judge about me, that they probably would think bad about me etc… Of course, these fears start somewhere, during your life you have events that can trigger you to become shy and fearful, such as being mocked, bullied and laughed at and judged. If you as a child, are not raised into a world that does what is best for all, most likely you will be confronted with this depending on where you life and who you meet. And most likely, a lot of those will not get taught the common sense way to deal with this, the self honesty and how to take responsibility for ourselves, even in such situations.

Because of course it is not ok for other to judge and mock and bully you, if this happens someone should be notified. But realize, that you can stand up within yourself to not allow this to create and determine who you are. By taking responsibility of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, our fears and desires, we can stop the reactions we have when these things happen, and direct ourselves instead of allowing certain complexes (like inferiority) to take us over and direct our lives.

So for a great deal of my life, I had these fears , and slowly but surely I have learned to deal with them and push through it. Sometimes I still worry about what people think about me, if they dislike me etc.. but then I correct myself in that moment. Stopping those thoughts, and forgiving yourself, enables you to let it go and give yourself a fresh start. When you realize that those thoughts are not “you”, they are programmed into your brain. You do not NEED to accept them, you do not require to follow them and give them power. You, can become your own power. It is step by step, and it has taken me time to get more comfortable around people, and I still have nervousness come up sometimes. But slowly but surely we walk the journey to life, where eventually, we will not ever have to fear each other again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize others judgments and make them my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start judging myself based on the judgements I received in my past
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself ever before others judge me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my own judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow anothers judgments or opinion to hurt me or have an influence over me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for feeling reactions to anothers judgments or opinion
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about another’s opinion about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow assumptions to control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let expectations determin my experience in the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what people think about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine people thinking bad about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the negative judgements people could have about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my imagination about others judgements controle me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my imagination about what others could judge about me
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to stop the negative imagination in the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being afraid of strangers
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself failing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “failure” as not being what others expect of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “failure” as not knowing what to say
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “failure” as being shy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in totality as a failure, when I do not live up to my expectations of what I think others expect me to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what others would be thinking about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow those thoughts to direct me

When and as I notice these self-judgements come up, I stop and breath and let them go – I can direct myself in that moment without allowing those judgements to direct me. I stop following them, every time they pop up, I do not make them part of myself.

When and as I notice that I think about others opinion about me, I stop and breath and realize this is triggered by ingained experiences from my past, and do not allow myself to continue them – but express myself in self honesty in the moment, and stop the thoughts and do not follow them.

When and as I notice I start to judge myself as a failure because I did something I saw as “negative” or what I think others will dislike, I stop and breath and let go of this judgement. I realize this is simply a play out of accumulation of events from the past within me, and it does not serve me to follow it. If others judge me like that, it is their problem, their judgements, for them to take responsibility for. And mine are my own to take self responsibility for.

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Day 4 – Fear of Rejection and Group Pressure


18Apr


I have experienced group pressure several times in my life, where I fear expressing myself/saying something/doing something, because I would imagine the rejection from others. These thoughts were based on past memories where others had rejected me, which I then carried along within my mind. Even when I would have MORE experiences of NOT being rejected, those few experience of being rejected would dominate my perception. Because it is more “drastic” within our experience/mind. It has bigger consequences than if everything would just run smoothly. So that is why things which have a big impact on us, “stick” the most.

This patterns comes up when I fear being rejected by a group that I value, then group pressure is felt. It did not come up for example, when friends asked me to smoke or to drink and I say no. I do not experience it as pressure and do not fear thei rejection because it are decisions I stand firmly with, with reasons. And also because often denying their requests to smoke and drink along, does not result in being rejected. But when I stand for something and I am certain within myself, I do not let worries or fears of others control me, and I “stand my ground”.
Other times when the fear of rejection comes up, is when others say something that I see is not true. For example they say something about me, and I do not see it, and I try to see it but I can’t find it. And then I feel as if I should say I see it, simply to not be rejected. However, I do not do that, but I admit that I have this urge within me. So at some times I ignored them, because I knew, no matter what I would say, they wouldn’t hear it anyway. And some times I spoke up, and got rejected. And other times I spoke up, and nothing happened and we simply communicated about it, but there was no rejection involved.
But the most annoying thing is that nagging feeling in my chest when such a situation comes up, and I fear to be “dissobedient”, because I don’t agree. And those are situations that I have to be careful about, to not limit myself because of others or multiple others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up when I disagree with certain others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ”disobedient”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by a group or people that I value
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others rejecting me and they not seeing that their judgement was wrong
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others opinions about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own thoughts about what others may reply to me, or how they could reject me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how and if certain people would reject me if I say this or that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine situations of rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself because of the fear of rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a situation where a group of people has a wrong assumption about me, and keeps holding on to it and there is nothing I can do about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a powerless situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being with people who jump to conclusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes put others in a position where I do not listen to what they are saying
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn because I feel annoyed.

When and as I notice the fear of rejection comming up, I stop and breath and speak up. I do not allow thoughts of rejection to control me. if something is unclear, I will ask. If I do not understand something, I say so. And if others reject me for it, it is their problem.

When a situation comes up where I feel “powerless”, I stop focussing on the others, and focus on myself. I will do what I can in that situation, speak about what I experience with the others, to see if we can both learn from it.

I do not allow myself to jump to conclusions about other people, or carry my past with me into my future. Because in that way, I keep reacting to the same patterns of the past, without ever letting them go. I can stop and breath, and direct myself.

When and as I notice reactions come up towards others, I stop and breath, because I do not want to react towards others, it is not a stable form of communication, and its simply living out ones own reactions, acting them out towards others – which is not best for all.

This reminds me of situations sometimes in my everyday life, where I get frustrated or annoyed with someone, and I have resistance to saying something to them, or agreeing with them, or simply saying “yes” to them, because of an argument we had moments before and because of the emotions within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn towards another because of emotions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions stop me from communicating properly with another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions stop me from being open towards another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions determin my relationship with another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance towards people when I feel annoyed or frustrated
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when I see another being frustrated
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed when I see another being annoyed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards another persons experience
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I react towards anothers experience, in this case, I am reacting to something that I have within myself and see reflected in the other.

When and as I ntoice myself becomming frustrated or annoyed, I stop and breath. I do not allow myself to react in emotions towards another. I will instead, direct my words, and not let my emotions direct my words. Because when emotions direct words, they can’t be trusted. When emotions are in charge, situations are in charge, and then I am not in charge of my own words.

When and as I notice stubborness come up, I stop and breath, and make sure that I do not react in stubborness towards another.

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Day 5 – Moments of silence with strangers


19Apr


Sometimes when we are around people we do not know, especially when we are together with them in a meeting, or a group, talking etc… (engaging with each other), we start to feel uncomfortable when there are silences. We do not experience this around people we are fully comfortable with, people we know. We experience it around people we do not feel totally comfortable with, people who are just acquaintances or strangers.

The annoying feelings comes up that we have to fill in the silences. We start to judge ourselves, and imagine about what the other(s) may be thinking about this situation or us.

I have experienced this many times during my life – where I am together with another person, and suddenly there is nothing more to be said. I don’t know how to behave, and desperately try to find a subject to talk about. Like it is not ok to just be silent, like I have to find something, to remove the uncomfortability from within myself. I imagine about what the other person is thinking about me. Do they think I am shy? Insecure? Do they dislike me? Are they thinking that I am not an easy person to be around? Are they thinking that this situation is not cool? etc…
But when I am around family for example, and it is silent, my mind is silent. I don’t get those thoughts. Why? Because we know each other very well, and everything has become “normal”.

So within this situation is a lot of self-judgment as well as imaginative thoughts about judgments that might come from the other person(s). It is social anxiety that plays up. Most likely when you experience this, the social anxiety will also pop up in other areas of your life.

People who keep on talking, can often show this insecurity within themselves, because they desperately try to mask it and have a constant flow of communication to feel at ease.

I have actually googled this experience, and found out a lot of people suffer from this. Also when I have spoken about it to others, I often heard “Me too!!”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable around strangers and people I do not know very well – because of the thoughts going on within me mind about what they may think about me, especially if they may think “negative” things about me such as that I am shy, boring etc…

When and as I notice this uncomfortability, I breath and let go of the thoughts that spark up in my mind, and express myself in the moment. Not holding back when I want to say something, and not just speaking because I feel uncomfortable. Because else I would simply be speaking to stop the emotions within me, which will be a pattern I would carry on for the rest of my life, because I would never deal with what is behind the uncomfortability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and imagine what other people are thinking about me, and base my self-experience on that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the eyes of others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume what others might be thinking about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always think people are thinking bad about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and have people thinking positive about me by changing my behavior and words
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself a sinsecure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect I will be insecure around strangers
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about how I will react in insecurity, where I already create the situation I fear within my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act because of fear and reactions of insecurty, instead of directing myself as whats best in the moment, in self expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to say something when there is a silence during a conversation, because I start to imagine what the other person might think about me, and I want to avoid the negative judgements at all times.

When I notice these thoughts come up, I stop and breath, and let them go. I stop trying to seek others approval of me, or try and get others to see me in a positive way. I stop trying to imagine what bad things others could think about me, and take self-responsebility for the insecurty within me that sparks up those thoughts in the first place.
Others do not define me, and as long as we depend on the judgements of others to experience ourselves in a particular way, we are like a tossing ball, unstable, and fluctuating according to with who we are with or what they think about us. Which is not best for self nor best for all. I will not adjust myself to have people like me, because this is dishonest, a constant seek for validation, a result of insecurity. And if I accept this pattern, I would give it power and carry it along into my further life, manifesting it even more within my experience, and always needing others for validation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally express myself in self-honesty, no matter with who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can’t fill in silences because it is not good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the opposit of an extreme, thinking that it is the way to “cure” it.

When and as I notice this, I breath and direct myself in that moment, stopping the thoughts and expressing myself. When I make a so called “mistake”, by reacting, I learn from it and use it as an opportunity to correct myself.
When and as I notice that I feel uncomfortable being silent together with another person, I stop and breath. I am here, and do not require to follow the thoughts springing up inside me, or allow the emotion to take power over my self-direction.

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Day 6 – Fear of saying No


20Apr


Someone called from the consumer service or something asking if he could ask me a questionary about services and goods. I didn’t really have a chance to think about the decision, so i ended up saying: “no I rather not”. But then I regretted it because I could have given my opinion which may be entirely different than standard population which may have some impact on something. So then I got nervous…
Had I made a mistake? Shit shit.

I have often had no problems saying “no” to people, but now I did have a problem with it because it felt like I missed an opportunity, said something without properly thinking it over and realizing I could have brought in a different perspective.

This brings me to the point of saying “no”, and how hard it is for a lot of people. That is why I will write self forgiveness about this point in it’s entirety, as it applies to other’s and not just my own situation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous when declining and invitation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret something that I cant undo
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about a decision that I had no time to think about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I missed something, or could have contributed to something, and feel bad about my decision based on those thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have declined an opportunity because I didn’t see in the moment that I might have been able to bring in a different perspective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a bad person because I declined someones invitation to answer a questionary
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about making something that I perceive as a mistake.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to decide in a hurry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to decide in a hurry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time to think about the decision

When someone requests something to me and I go into a “rush” inside of me, I stop and breath and think about what is happening. I take the time to make the situation clear to myself, and if my participation would be something that could contribute, or would be cool to do in that moment.
I do not allow myself to feel anxious or bad about a decision, but take the opportunity to correct myself to make sure that in the future I do not make the same mistake over and over again.
I also do not allow myself to go into extremes, such as always saying yes, or always saying no. I simply assess the situation as how it presents itself, what is asked, and see if it is best or good to participate in it or not. So I do not base my decision on a fear of saying no or a fear of being bad when saying no. I base it on common sense, and on what is best for all.

When and as I notice this pattern re-occuring, I stop and breath, and take the time to write it out for myself in its entirity, to flagpoint all points that trigger these experiences within me. And dedicate myself to not allow myself to continuously go into that same pattern.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying no to people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dissapointing people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying no when people ask me something, ask me a favor
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying no to people who ask me something, where I do not consider myself within the equation but only my fear of saying no
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for making me say “yes”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for placing me in an uncomfortable situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to please people by saying yes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be agreeable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first be agreeable, and when I get more comfortable to say “no” and thus be entirely different then first.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fluctuate according to my fears
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my fear to control my actions



I commit myself to stand stable, and take the decision that is best for all, or which I can see is best in that current situation, without blindly following my emotions, my fear. I direct myself to make a decision in self honesty.

I will not allow myself to fluctuate my opinion and stance according to having fear or not, presenting a fake persona to people in order for them to like me and approve of me.

I commit myself to stop basing my own self worth on the way others see me, which makes me take decisions that might not be best, just because I fear saying no to them.

When and as I notice I have fear comming up, I stop and breath, move through the fear and take the decision best in that moment, using my common sense and insight in the situation. If I make a mistake, I correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where beings are afraid of each other
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where we reject each other and place our own self intrest over that of another. Where we desire others to please us and fulfill our wishes and desires.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where we treat others as objects of satisfaction, and desire them to comply by our own standards and rules, even though those standards and rules are not best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where we do not consider each other, stand equal to each other, and do what is best for all

I commit myself to stand for a world which is best for all, a world without fear because when we stand as equals, no fear is necessary. I commit myself to stop this abusive system that creates judgements within people. To stop this world of superficial judgement and self indulgence through ego. This system does not do what is best for all,and teaches our children that it is ok to fear, to judge, to be jealous, to use others, to judge ourselves, to place profit above life, to treat other living beings as inferior etc...

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Ann
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Re: Ann's journey to life

Post by Ann »

http://agirlsjourneytolife.wordpress.co ... aved-head/

Day 7 – Reactions to my Shaved Head


21Apr


2 years ago, several people from our group decided to shave their hair for a campaign called “Face World Face Off”. It was a simple excercise for everyone intrested in:

“Removing the fear of and the definition of good looks, and “how one should look” in general. Keep the shaved head for quite a while to see and deal with all the reactions from the outside world. Within this one can build a stronger character as one is not dependent on “looking good” or “looking the way others expect me to look”.A peaceful gesture and an expression of standing together for a common goal – equality.

Lots of people that participated within this campaign for a year or more are now growing hair again as they’re satisfied that they’ve worked through all the points connected to one’s look through having a certain hairstyle and benefited from this bold endeavor. Others enjoy their clean shave and find it very practical. It’s up to each individual. Desteni merely provides a fresh, simple and harmless idea as head-shaving as to gain insight into oneself that most consider weird or do not dare to explore.”

When I first saw this, I was like: OMG! I felt nervous within myself because I was facing a huge fear of mine: the fear of facing others negative reactions towards the way I look. Because I was not afraid of the act of shaving in itself, but for the consequences of it. I was thinking: What will my family say? Will I be ugly? How are people going to respond to me? How can I explain this to people I know or who ask? Am I going to get even more cold? I had so many doubts and fear, that I at first could not do it.



Yet I was standing before an opportunity that I could prove to myself that I am stronger than my programmed fears, that I can decide what I do and not my feelings or others opinion. That I could get over my vanity and do this. I told myself that when I would find a good reason, I would do it. And that reason came… It was the final push for me to no longer have any justifications for myself. I heard that matteroftrust was collecting human hair, to create hair booms to place along the coastline to protect the animals there from the oil comming from the oilspill in the gulf of mexico. I ended up not sending my hair btw because they had no more room left… so it really didnt make a difference to that. BUT, it was a choice for me to prove to myself if I can make a decision that is for the common good. A decision where I would have to place the common good above my own self-intrest, even when I had much fear about it. And to use it to reach out to people with the message of Equality.

So I did it, and while my hair was being shaven off (by someone I knew ), the fear became less and less and I realized it is not a big deal at all. And I was proud of myself that I had been able to do something that I thought I would never dare.

Within this, I faced what I feared the most: rejection.
My grandma reacted strongly towards my shaved head, saying she was ashamed of me, disgusted, that I made her sick.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandparents to react on my shaven head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get nervous because I expect my grandparents to react on my shaven head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my grandparents reaction towards my physical appearance – because I expect I will feel bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my grandparents reaction towards my physical appearance – because I expect I will feel bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad because of another’s reactions to my appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of how another looks at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to what I think another is thinking about me based on the way they look at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about how and what another thinks about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my grandma for reacting to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for the conflict I felt within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable because grandma hardly looked at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my thoughts about why grandma cant look at me, to influence my feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my thoughts about why grandma cant look at me, to make me uncomfortable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed because I saw my grandma’s constant judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to get over her feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the conflict to be removed so I can feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the situation as bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the situationa s a “big deal”
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize the situation wasn’t a big deal, it was simply people reacting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the situationa s a big deal within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create feelings of sadness and disappointed within myself because of the desire for it not to be a big deal – based on my judgement that it is a big deal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things becoming a big deal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link things being “a big deal” to something negative
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous for things to become a big deal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things becoming a big deal because it is conflict to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate a situation from becoming a big deal to not face my reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and manipulate the situation to make it more comfortable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and explain something to get my grandma to calm down
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and calm my grandma down so I can feel better in the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because I saw my grandma judging me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on my own self judgement
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself to act as if nothing is happening, and pretending that what is happening is nothing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of facing the situation in breathe here to manipulate myself and the environment to make belief that it is nothing that is happening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to judge what I did as “nothing”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to diminish myself and what I did in oder to not create conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my grandma because of her programmed reactions towards me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of my grandma’s judgements and reactions towards me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of my self judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of my self judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because my grandpa may feel uncomfortable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because the situation was so strange
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel uncomfortable around my grandparents because of the situation of me shaving my hair and that I feel they are judging me and reacting towards me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel physically uncomfortable with my grandparents and because I am judging my own physical appearance because of shaving my hair based on what I think they are thinking about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because the situation was so strange
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt because of my grandmas body movement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through feeling hurt, because of my grandmas judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for grandpa
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for grandpa because he got angry at grandma for her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to grandpa that reacted to grandma
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards my grandma being angry at grandma because it made me worried
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reacted towards feeling that my grandfather is sad because of the conflict that I feel I have created with my grandmother
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for causing reactions in another person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge grandma for what grandpa was reacting to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for grandpa’s reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my grandma making my grandpa angry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness towards my grandma being angry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness towards my grandpa being angry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to calm down because I feel bad about my grandpa reacting towards her
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what my grandma was saying, based on what my grandpa reacted to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness to my grandpa running away
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness because of my grandma’s anger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it sweet that grandpa fears losing me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because my grandpa fears losing me and is angry at grandma for being so mean to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my grandmother
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my grandma for making my grandpa upset
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my grandma for reacting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to stop reacting because I feel angry and sad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge grandma for what grandpa was reacting to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for causing reactions in another person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for causing reactions in others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the situation that was created
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself and the conflict I perceived I had created
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for another person reacting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for grandpa because he got angry at grandma for her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at grandma for making my grandpa angry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at grandma for creating the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame grandma for creating the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad for what grandpa felt
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think abiout what grandpa was thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume I know what grandpa was thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards what I think grandpa is thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad about what I think grandpa is thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create sadness within me based on my own mind believes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandpa to think a certain way based on my own assumptions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge grandma for what grandpa was reacting to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making my grandpa angry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for creating the situation that made my grandpa react
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I thought my grandpa was thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for causing reactions in another person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame grandma for my reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame grandma for the sadness within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame grandma for the anger within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my grandpa dying
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my sadness because of my grandpa’s health condition
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a conflict to go away because I fear my grandpa getting sick
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear grandpa getting sick
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid a situation because it may make someone sick
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid a situation because it makes me feel bad based on my own judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid a situation because it makes me feel bad based on what I think others are thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify manipulating a situation to go away, based on that it may make my grandpa sick
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish what I did because I judged myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of my grandma’s reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish what I did to try and get my grandma to change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma think my grandma has a clear picture of who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to assume to know who I am inside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a good person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an opinion about who I am inside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of my self judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my grandma saying I make her sick
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to like who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to like my personality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to like who I am inside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my grandma has a clear picture of who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to know who I am inside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to accept me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandma to let go of her judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandma to let go of her judgements because I want her to accept me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire anothers approval
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base myself on anothers approval
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of my grandma’s judgements towards me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandma to care about who I am inside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and hurt because my grandma said I am no good inside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what another thinks about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for my sadness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for what I experience inside myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for eactions towards grandma’s words
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself because of my self-blame
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejected because of my grandmothers reactions towards my shaved head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejected because I expected to be accepted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect acceptance from my family
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandma to accept me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my grandma not doing what I expected of her
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my expectations control me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my expectations direct me to feel rejected
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about acceptance and rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on another thinking I am good inside or not to feel a certain way
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let another determin my self worth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let another determin if I am good enough or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of my grandma’s rejection towards me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards my grandmas reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandma’s acceptance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my grandmas acceptance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link non acceptance to rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare a situation based on rejection and acceptance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire acceptance and thus try to remove rejection
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge rejection as something bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge acceptance as something good
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to wether someone rejects or accepts me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when someone rejects me, because I judge it as bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having to cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge crying as weak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to be vulrenable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link being vulrenable to crying
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see crying as vulrenability as weak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being hurt more when I cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being seen as weak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid being seen as weak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weak because of crying
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link my own crying and release to another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think another will judge me when I cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about anothersjudgement when I cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not cry because I don’t want to face anothers judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not cry because I don’t want to face anothers judgement because it makes me feel bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about anothers judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take anothers judgement personal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and expect my grandma to deliberately want to hurt me and get me to cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it will satisfy my grandma to see me cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my grandma will be satisfied when she sees me cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my expectations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my believes about what my grandma thinks
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts about what my grandma would think direct my behavior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let another determin who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let anothers judgement influence me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I expect anothers judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I think about anothers negative judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let memories of my grandma’s behavior determin my judgements about her
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my grandma to laugh at me and be happy when I would show my sadness and cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my grandma to laugh at me and be happy when I would show my sadness and cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my expectations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my believes about what my grandma thinks
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts about what my grandma would think direct my behavior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let another determin who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let anothers judgement influence me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I expect anothers judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I think about anothers negative judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let memories deside what I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let memories influence my thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let memories influence my behavior
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a prisoner of my memories
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of memories and unconditionally express myself in self honesty
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt my body because of what I react to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on the feelings I have towards memories
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous because of thinking about my grandmas judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making my body tense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get anxious because of the painful situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a situation as painful based on my reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to a situation and make it painful for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict my communication because of the way my grandma reacted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict my communication with grandma because of the way I felt towards her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for feelings restricted in my communication
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for what I felt inside myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on my physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my grandmas judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict myself because I react to my grandmas judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rrestrict myself because I feared her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict myself because I wanted to avoid conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid conflict to not feel bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face my feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing my grandma’s reactions when I look at her
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for my fear towards her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for my dislike of her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate my grandmas reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because I anticipate my grandmas reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards my grandmas reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards my grandmas reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid eye contact because of my fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear direct me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self directive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when I saw her reaction in her face when she looked at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what my grandma is thinking and that she is probably judging me when she looks at my face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandmother to accept me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my grandmother to accept me because I fear to loose her
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow another to determin who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on what I think others think about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when another looks angry or disgusted at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take anothers judgement personal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to facial expressions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link an angry facial expression towards being punished
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel punished when someone looks angry at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when someone looks angry at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when someone looks angry at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself with feeling bad when someone looks angry at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when someone looks angry at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another rfor creating anger in me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for the way I feelI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable because of my grandma’s discomfort
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of my grandma’s judgements and reactions towards me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of my self judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my comfort on anothers comfortability
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take over anothers emotions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards anothers facial expression by feeling comfortable or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my discomfort on my grandmas reactionsI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my grandma for the way I feel towards her judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determin my behavior based on anothers judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determin my words based on how I feel towards anothers judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take anothers judgement personal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let anothers judgement influence me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my comfort on wether another judges me good or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when another judges me bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel punished when another judges me bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous to look at my grandmother because I don’t want to face her reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what my grandma is thinking and that she is probably judging me when she looks at my face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the judgements to go away by avoiding eye contact
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the situation to not get judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the situation to not face judgements that I react to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to judgements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see anothers judgements as valid
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about my mom defending me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my mom to defend me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better when my mom defends me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my feelings on wether my mom defends me or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better when my mom defended me because I didn’t feel alone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link “not being alone” to having someone defending me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being alone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather not be alone to have backup support
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link support to someone defending me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want someone to defend me so I can feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend my self acceptance on wether my mom is there for me or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mom to feel accepted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my mom to make me feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mom as good because she made me feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better when my mom defended me because I didn’t feel alone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link “not being alone” to having someone defending me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself link someone defending me as good
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself require someone to make me feel good
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my mom to understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mom based on if I think she understands me or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my mom to speak about what happened at grandma, and expect her to be “on my side”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my mom to “be on my side”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react to my moms words
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react wether my mom said positive or negative things to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself link words to negativity or positivity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself link positivity and negativity to feelins good or bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself let my judgements about words affect my feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my mom to understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my mom to understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react to my mom understanding me or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react to my moms words
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself require my mom to feel understood
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself desire to be understood
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself depend my feelings on wether someone understands me or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when another doesn’t understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel I am doing something wrong when someone doesn’t understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require my mom to feel good about myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better when my mom agrees with me or supports me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on my mom
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need my moms support to “lift me up”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my feelings on anothers reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when someone doesn’t understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am doing something wrong when someone doesnt understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think everyone must understand me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everyone to understand me to not have conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own reactions towards conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge conflict as bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid conflict to not feelbad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my feelings to be determined by conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for creating conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when creating conflict

Self corrective statements:

When I see myself listening to other people’s opinions about me, I allow myself within the moment to breath and to not participate with in the conversations in my head about what they are saying. Within the moment of hearing others talking about me and their opinions about me, I allow myself to correct myself and to bring everything back to myself and to realize that I alone can only give opinions about myself and stop the outer influence
I stop letting my feelings be based on what others judge about me, and when they judge me or I hear judgements, I stop the thoughts in my head which leads me to “care” about their judgments.
I stop allowing my grandparents judgements to determin my own self judgement. When I see myself react to their judgements, I breath and stop following the thoughts in my head and simply reply with common sense or whatever is best in the situation.
I stop letting my feelings be determined by others reactions and feelings. When I notice that I react emotionally to people, I flagpoint the point that made me react and stop the reaction by not participating in it.
When another reacts to me, I stop allowing thoughts about rejection and realize that I can never truly be “rejected”, and that “rejection” is purely based on an idea of needing anothers acceptance and agreement with what I do
I accept myself in self honesty and true self acceptance is not fluctuating due to others rejection.
I realize that others judgement about my appearance is based on their own personal judgements and has nothing to do with me personaly- as they would do it to others as well
I stop hiding from others that judge me
I stop hiding from others that judge me based on how I feel around them. I face them if I require to or if they are around me instead of hiding, and I stop the thoughts that pop up into my mind and not follow them. Take breath and let go.
I accept myself with hair and I accept myself without hair – it does not change me
I stop judging others because of their judgements and realize that they judge because of their programming. When I notice judgements come up, I let go of the thoughts and bring things back to myself.
I reply to them with self honesty and don’t go into reactional thoughts
I stop allowing another to hurt me based on the way they judge me, and if it hurts me, I look at why it was able to touch me so much so that I can lay out the point and stop it. To write about it if necessary, or to simply stop it in the moment if I am able to.
Another does not determin my self worth
Self worth is not dependant on an idea, self worth is a judgement
I stop thinking about if I am “worthy” or “good”
I do not allow myself to judge myself, if I see myself judging myself, I simply stop
I stop depending if I am good, based on the feelings I have
I stop judging grand^ma for the reactions grandpa has
I stop judging grandma for my granpa’s illnesses
Grandpa is responsible for his illnesses and his own reactions
I stop allowing my assumptions to control my mind and get me emotional.
I stop assuming things about peoples motives
I stop basing my self feelings about what I believe and expect other people are wanting to do – such as believing my grandma to want to make me feel sad
I stop judging my family based on their past.
I stop allowing assumptions about what someone would do when I do this or that – and base my expression on those expectations and assumptions.
I stop restricting my communication because of what I expect or assume others to say or do.
I don’t allow myself to judge myself based on how another looks at me.
My comfortability is not determined by anothers comfortability
When I feel anothers reactions because I take them in, I let it go and not let it determin me
I stop desiring my moms support
I stop desiring my mom to make me feel better
I stop depending on my mom to support me – and become self supportive
I stop allowing myself to feel good about myself when my mom thinks I am good
I stop depending my feelings on wether my mom agrees with me or not
I stop being dependant on my moms opinions
I stop being dependant on my moms believes about me or what I am doing or did
I stop allowing myself to lift myself up through my moms support
I stop desiring my mom to understand me and expect it
I take responsibility of my own emotions and feelings and reactions, without turning it to others, and direct myself in self honesty

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Anna
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Re: Ann's journey to life

Post by Anna »

I stop allowing another to hurt me based on the way they judge me, and if it hurts me, I look at why it was able to touch me so much so that I can lay out the point and stop it.
Ann, a point to consider: no one can hurt you by judging you. They are in fact not "hurting" you. So the fact that you do react, show that it is not their judgment you react to - but your own. Because if you were clear, you would see immediately that their judgment is self-judgment and thus be able to either direct or support them or simply remove yourself/not participate. That is what reactions are = they show us our own acceptances and allowances and ourselves alone - no one else.

So suggest to be careful when looking at these points and when writing them out, to not allow any points of blame/projection/holding the other responsible for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to create/manifest/participate within and as. That is in fact abdication of self-responsibility, no matter how subtle it is.

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Ann
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Re: Ann's journey to life

Post by Ann »

that's what I said: 'and if it hurts me, I look at why it was able to touch me so much so that I can lay out the point and stop it.'
And said further in the mind construct as well, this is part of a previous assignment I did.

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Anna
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Ann's journey to life

Post by Anna »

What I have seen within for example writing mind-constructs, is that one can very easily and subtly retain a point of blame as abdication of self-responsibility by using specific words and word-compositions. It was once pointed out to me where I used the expression "blame another for..." and it was suggested to instead write: "blame another for what I perceive as..." - this small and subtle point has made a huge difference in my self-application in terms of bringing blame back to self - in realizing that the person is not that which I blame them for. In using the word "for" I was still retaining blame and the belief that "this is who they are/what they did" - where when I write "as what I have perceived as them..." I make sure that I direct the point to remain here within my own experience, not projecting any point outside of myself.
Ann wrote:that's what I said: 'and if it hurts me, I look at why it was able to touch me so much so that I can lay out the point and stop it.'
And said further in the mind construct as well, this is part of a previous assignment I did.
So for example here a key word would be that "it" hurts me - which might not be directed at a person - yet there is still a point of blame, in not for example writing: "I allowed myself to create and participated in a reaction of feeling hurt through taking a point personally." - because within clearly stating that in without any doubt stating for oneself that the experience is one's own creation and that no one and nothing else is responsible for it. So whether it is an old or new mind-construct does not matter - the point still stands, if not corrected - which is why I mentioned it, because I find that such points can be subtle yet significant for ensuring that one bring a point "all the way" back to self.

As it has been said many times in the Desteni Material: "It is all specific."

Thanks.

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