Bella's Journey to Life

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Bella
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 29 Sep 2015, 23:40

562 | The small real-time moments of self movement...

Continuing from my previous post 561 | When you´re tired of spinning around... -
I wanted to share a drawing I did on that day, as I found it to be showing an interesting PERSPECTIVE:

[image in my blog post]

What's also interesting is - see the 'posture' of the 'person' in the drawing. I didn't do this on purpose, this is how it came out as I was looking at each of the two 'perspectives' of: 'stuff coming at me' in the first/upper drawing, and me walking in the second/below.


In my previous post I wrote about how it was as if there was `stuff´ inside and around my head and all the stuff was like spinning around within and around my head - and so I had to take a step back, like stop for a moment and breathe, slow down even more... and what I realized then was for one there was things that I hadn´t given direction to the very moment they came up, and so continued occupying space in my mind; and secondly I realized that interestingly enough there was a perceptual dissonance existent:
where I, through my mind´s eye, was looking at everything `coming at me´ - I was seeing/perceiving everything `coming at me´. That's a wild perspective if you really look at it!
All this stuff was forming lines or ques from all sorts of directions and was `coming at me´ (as you can see in the first/upper part of the drawing). So in that moment I saw the solution, which was to disrupt my perception for a moment, and reassert my will to see direct and in clarity.

So now instead of 'stuff coming at me' I saw that I am in fact STANDING HERE and 'everything coming at me' is simply a perspective formed in my mind, created through -Thought --Emotion ---Reaction -thus through how I RELATE to My Reality.

What we can also identify here is how such 'perspective' can be/become a conditioned state, where a consciousness pattern (thought-emotion-reaction-thought...and the vicious cycles thereof) can become so 'integrated' as 'reality' and thus so 'dense' that it effects a skewed perception of physical reality. What we can do through our minds is really quite amazing LOL


So yes, as I was looking at these points in that moment, I quickly drew this sketch, and immediately I was able to see the solution; BECAUSE I had made the decision to stop and look in that moment; and so I 'seized the moment' and walked myself out of that state of disempowerment and into a position of self empowerment again - realizing I am able to realign myself as the one walking, the one moving forward, the one directing and taking responsibility for points 'as they come'.

This approach is something anyone can do as a means of 'exercising' self responsibility, exercising one's living will. And obviously it's in essence about all-time real-time application indeed - it's about AWARENESS.
This is a living 'approach', a self commitment; to not get sucked into the energies of the mind/consciousness, to not accept or allow disempowerment or victimization of myself, but to always seek the equality point with all things, where I can look at things in equanimity to see any point for what it is.

Those small decisions in moments, real-time, decisions based in awareness - however small, this is where 'big change' comes from, in time.
The small real-time moments of self movement is where you can make a CHANGE - Right Here, starting Right Now.



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Bella
Posts: 1708
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 30 Sep 2015, 23:50

563 | How you can work through self-dishonesty when ‘feeling overwhelmed’

Here I am sharing the process of self forgiveness that I opened up for myself in the context of looking at and working with a ‘perceptual problem’ within the disempowering experience of ‘feeling overwhelmed’ – see my previous posts 561 | When you´re tired of spinning around...
and 562 | The small real-time moments of self movement...


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into the energy of overwhelmingness and feel overwhelmed, accepting that feeling for ‘given’, ‘fact’, ‘done deal’;
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place myself inferior to the feeling overwhelmingness – any feeling/emotion for that matter;
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take responsibility for my experience of overwhelmingness in the moment it comes up;
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from myself, hide behind overwhelmingness – within this suppressing my life force and succumbing to an emotional state that isn’t truly best for me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to remain in self dishonesty in moments where the experience/emotion of overwhelmingness activates/builds up by giving in to the experience/emotion of overwhelmingness and making it ‘more than’ me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in stress as overwhelmingness, and to place myself under stress, despite the consequences for my physical body and general well-being.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/exist ‘under stress’ and within that strain and deplete my physical body.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feed stress, to create this stress condition, by giving in to the experience/emotion of overwhelmingness, feeding it in turn with thoughts that ‘justify’ it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist under stress, which is a form of suppression as well as self-victimization, where self responsibility is abdicated to the energy/experience/mind-system-definition of stress –
where I am UNDER it, thus suppressed, and inferior.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear, as inferior – when all of that which I place myself inferior to and in fear towards exists ONLY in my OWN mind; as how I myself relate to and associate with everything and everyone that is part of my world/reality.

I commit myself to redefine stress as a flag-point, an indicator that I set for myself – so that when the experience of stress comes up in a moment, I can breathe, look, and see – what is the point that’s coming up that requires my attention, my direction, my response-ability – to be settled, aligned, at ease.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in stress to such an extent that my whole being is yearning for a sort of ease, for everything to stop for a moment – and I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that it is I myself that must stop, and the absolute extent to which I must stop in a moment and ground myself here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept my living and my being to be driven and determined by the experience/emotion of overwhelmingness – which is in essence a state of survival / existing in survival-mode – where I had walked my life in a state of ‘on the run’, almost like a refugee, and in a state of lack, as inadequacy, always running after time, always trying to do more, receive acceptance, get valued – while I was not valuing myself and my own life/living, I was not accepting myself here but was placing myself under stress of achievement, for ‘worth’ and ‘value’ that is to be given and granted to me from outside of myself –
instead of realizing (and living the realization to the utmost) that I must grant it to myself, I must give and thus live the words Worth and Value, Self Acceptance and Ease, and I must grant myself the permission to Be Here, realizing Self Responsibility within Being Here – for myself to begin with, as respect toward and as this life that I was granted with here on earth, respect to toward and as this body that hosts and carries and expresses ‘who I am’ throughout this life; and as direction and clarity for this mind that was intended as a tool but got tainted by the skewed mechanics of this world game that we have as our existence in consciousness/ego ‘creating life’ on earth.

But look – what are we creating on earth in our lives – we are creating consequence. Who knows the historical extent which we are now facing the manifested consequences of, as our humanity is awakening to an awareness of reality, of life.


More self forgiveness process and self commitment statements going deeper into this context coming up in the next post.
Thanks for reading.



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Bella
Posts: 1708
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 30 Sep 2015, 23:51

564 | What is self-dishonesty really and how to ground yourself

In my previous post 563 | How you can work through self-dishonesty when ‘feeling overwhelmed’, I shared about the experience of ‘feeling overwhelmed’ and how I realized that I was placing/seeing myself as ‘inferior’ to this feeling/emotion, and how I’d walked a process of defining the energetic state so as to release myself from it –
allowing myself to open up to self empowering commitment and will, where now I could redefine stress as a flag-point, an indicator that I set for myself – so that when the experience of stress comes up in a moment, I can breathe, look, and see – what is the point that’s coming up that requires my attention, my direction, my response-ability – to be settled, aligned, at ease.


From my previous post:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in stress to such an extent that my whole being is yearning for a sort of ease, for everything to stop for a moment – and I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that it is I myself that must stop, and the absolute extent to which I must stop in a moment and ground myself here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept my living and my being to be driven and determined by the experience/emotion of overwhelmingness – which is in essence a state of survival / existing in survival-mode – where I had walked my life in a state of ‘on the run’, almost like a refugee, and in a state of lack, as inadequacy, always running after time, always trying to do more, receive acceptance, get valued – while I was not valuing myself and my own life/living, I was not accepting myself here but was placing myself under stress of achievement, for ‘worth’ and ‘value’ that is to be given and granted to me from outside of myself – instead of realizing (and living the realization to the utmost) that I must grant it to myself, I must give and thus live the words Worth and Value, Self Acceptance and Ease, and I must grant myself the permission to Be Here, realizing Self Responsibility within Being Here – for myself to begin with, as respect toward and as this life that I was granted with here on earth, respect to toward and as this body that hosts and carries and expresses ‘who I am’ throughout this life; and as direction and clarity for this mind that was intended as a tool but got tainted by the skewed mechanics of this world game that we have as our existence in consciousness ‘creating’ life on earth.

But look – what are we creating on earth in our lives – we are creating consequence. Who knows the historical extent which we are now facing the manifested consequences of, as our humanity is awakening to an awareness of reality, of life.



Continuing:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in addiction to energy; where human nature as such has become the nature of addiction –
And it’s all about energy, our addiction is an addiction to energy. This is why and how the world system as it’s been set up and continues to exist is destroying itself, destroying life in the name of profit as energy.

So what I’m seeing also is how self-dishonesty is really a self-disempowerment, a limitation that we accept and allow in moments where we do not live to our full potential, making decisions that are truly best, for self and everyone else equally.
To do/live that, obviously, we need to slow down, we need to get off the ‘wild horse’ of the mind consciousness / ego conditioning and step into our true awareness as living beings with unlimited potential (unlimited, at least in comparison with how we’ve been living and existing as human beings / humanity on this earth…when surely, there is much more to life…)

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself as ‘inferior’ to energy, not realizing that energy IS me, just a fragmented part of me that had gone rogue and has its own will that is rather tunnel-visioned and thus not aligned to what I as a living being in self honesty and clarity make the choice and commitment to align myself to;
in fact if you look at it, such things always only exist from a starting-point of fear, of a skewed perspective, of a perceptual misconstruction and dissonance, a point of mental limitation.

And therefore I commit myself to in moments where energy ‘rises up’ and moves toward ‘taking over’ (where I’d in that moment go ‘following’ the energy and thus become it, identifying with it as it; be it overwhelmingness or fear or anger or blame or resentment or whatever the energy is) –
or where energy is already the directive principle and I am in a ‘state of mind’ that is under stress or under pressure or in any way not-at-ease:
I stop and breathe my mind back into the physical Here, I move myself out of the mind and into my entire physical body, and I don’t allow myself to remain suppressed but rather take self-response-ability and ‘turn the moment’, by giving ME direction in the moment, taking thus my power back in deciding and determining in that moment who I am and what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept or allow myself to exist as and participate in.

I commit myself to deliberately and willfully ground myself here in the physical and support myself as the physical to come at ease, to slow down and be here, self-realized in worth, value, and principle, from the starting-point of which I am always and in all moments able to direct/express myself based on who I really am in the deepest core of my being, as what’s best for LIFE.

I realize that the deepest core of my being always does come through and determines choices and decisions in moments, be it consciously or unconsciously for me. Therefore if there is a misalignment or a fear at deep levels of myself then this affects my choices, decision, and actions; therefore I commit myself to absolute self responsibility, where I continue to walk my process of ‘Man Know Thyself’, and commit myself to ‘bring back here’ the fragmented parts of me that I had suppressed, denied, or abandoned, and accept all that is here as me as an opportunity to grow, to transcend, to expand and explore new horizons, new potentials for myself and thus also for my world, to which my living and existence is a contribution.

Everything we do affects everything else. Every breath we take has an outflow, every moment, however small, scripts into the fabric of our existence, and thus also the fabric of our world.

I commit myself to continue standing up and standing in my commitment to contribute to my world and existence and to life on earth and beyond, to the best of my capacity – and therefore I am committed in exploring and expanding my own capacity, my living ability, my response ability, and thus my creative potential.

In the realization of ‘as above so below’ and ‘as within so without’ I also understand the fallacy of hierarchy, the fallacy of our superiority/inferiority polarity systems, and I’m committed to standing in life as equality, creating life and not death, for life, for all – which includes myself;
and therefore I understand that only when/as I live what is truly best for me, am I truly the best contribution I can be for my world and reality.

I commit myself to letting go and disengaging myself from energy, as all energy exists as addiction of the mind/consciousness/ego; starting specifically with the energy of disempowerment which is a result of how I had accepted and allowed myself to ‘deal with’ or ‘cope’ with the energy of overwhelmingness and stress, placing myself as ‘inferior’ and thus existing in-fear, disempowered – all the while I am in fact doing it to myself.

We are our own worst enemy – indeed – but as someone once said: there are no enemies, only opportunities.

And so I commit myself to stop being the enemy, to stop seeing myself or my experiences or my world or my mind as the enemy, and take responsibility for all that is here as me/my life/my living absolutely; for this, I slow myself down and simply walk breath by breath, step by step getting things done, getting myself to the zero-point more and more in moments, where I can thus start creating a-new, start transcending and re-creating my experience, truly living my words and truly adding value to my life and the lives of others.

I am committed on my path to self acceptance, self honesty, self empowerment, self freedom, and in my stand to bring freedom to all life, so that true empowerment and real evolution in awareness may emerge from all of us, and together we may build a new world, a new reality where LIFE is the value and our living is such that we honor and enjoy life!




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