Bella's Journey to Life

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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 09 May 2012, 21:18

Bella's Journey to Life Day 26: OWN IT! Greed and Elitism emerge from Fear of Loss

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing what I perceive I own.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what we 'own' must inevitably be lost for us to realize the ridiculousness of the concept of 'ownership' and 'possession'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we are 'possessed' by what we think we 'possess' - and that our desire to 'own' and 'possess' emerges from the fact that we do not 'own' ourselves in equality and oneness;
but we define and accept ourselves as 'inferior' in this world, we have separated ourselves from our own value and worth as life, and we then set out to 'own' and 'possess' that which we've defined as 'power' in this world as money, sex, status; in a pursuit to 'add value' to our 'worth' so that we may feel 'better', 'more', 'powerful' and 'superior' – when in fact the resulting 'superiority' is equally fake as our starting-point of accepted 'inferiority', as both polarities are based on mental concepts of the bipolar consciousness we are all subjected to; and both polarities have nothing to do with the actual value of life.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand the bipolar nature of the consciousness we exist within and as – where we manifest greed and elitism out of fear of loss, both polarities in fact representing self-interest in separation from life;

because if we were in fact life, if we in fact stood as equal to and one with life, there would be no need and no requirement to desire the 'more' or to fear the 'less', but we would be accepting life here as ourselves, we would be accepting ourselves as worthy and valuable as life, and therefore we would be living the value of life as who we are, unique in its individual expressions - yet equal in all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we are trapped in self-imprisonment within a system of inequality - a system that forms 'who we are' so that 'who we are' in turn re-creates the system in our image and likeness which is the image and likeness of the system;
and so we are imprisoned within our own creation, refusing to take responsibility for our creation as ourselves, while we project ideas and concepts of a ‘savior’ or a ‘doomsday’ depending on our individual inclination to either 'positivity' or 'negativity' -
but we fail to stand equal to and one with the actuality of reality of ourselves and our creation, see things for what they are, understand cause and effect, and make informed decisions about how we are able to re-form and re-create ourselves and our world in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world that 'educates' us with 'reward' and 'punishment' to have self-interest be the directive consciousness of mankind, supporting consumerism as profit for the big brothers to satisfy their greed for 'power' and 'status' manifested as money as the representation of the mental, while consuming the living physical of all those that are not born into positions where they can exploit others for ‘power’.

Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a system of polarity where for some to 'have' others must 'have not' - and so it is a constant competition and struggle between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots', while none in fact determine the conditions one is born into.

People simply come into this world and take on the positions they are born into, without much choice but the choice their money (or lack thereof) gives them;

which shows that we are all simply pawns of the system, all serving the system and none serving life, seen in the fact that life is denied and disregarded not only in the allowance of starvation and poverty collectively but also in the individual acceptance of consumerism, the beauty-system, the education-system, the fame-contests, the science-community, all systems based on profit through the constant competition of the human RACE against each-other for survival of the fittest - 'fittest' in terms of the system, as being 'fit' to survive through money and serve the system for profit.

And so ‘reward’ goes to those that serve the system best, while ‘punishment’ goes to those that fail to serve the system - a method seen in parenting within the family-system as well;
which goes to show the self-interested nature of the consciousness system we have accepted, allowed and created in our image and likeness as Ego, as Profit - in the world as the money-system as mental 'value' that possesses and dictates the world order, and in the individual as the self-consciousness that exists through the mental where it can be 'god' and 'own' and 'possess' and 'win' and 'dominate', in spite of the obvious fact that all such 'gods' fail to produce results that are best for all, results that would free and empower life as all as one as equal;

because in the mental as consciousness we exist in polarities of fears and desires, of 'have' and 'have-not', of ‘reward’ and ‘punishment’, of 'superiority' and 'inferiority' - while the physical in the end proves that we 'own' nothing, we 'possess' nothing, and all ideas and perceptions of our self-consciousness, all that we hold dear in the corners of our mind: is lost in one breath at the moment of death.


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that all points of fear reveal greed and elitism, because that which we fear losing shows us what we have defined as our 'possession' and 'ownership'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that even the most 'powerful' in this world as the elite of the system exist in FEAR, fear of losing 'power', fear of losing what they 'own' and 'possess';
And this bipolar polarity friction manifests in the expression of greed; greed being something that exists not only in the world of big players 'out there' but equally also in the minutest notions of ourselves, where we for instance wish for 'more': more money, more time, more friends, more attention, more influence, more results, more reputation, more importance, more value.

Now - there's nothing wrong per se within the point of 'more' - it is the starting-point that determines what that want is actually about:

Wanting 'more' from the starting-point of accepted 'inferiority' within self so as to 'gain value', or from the point of jealousy through comparison so as to be 'better than', or from the point of satisfying the ideals of the world and society so as to be 'worthy enough': such starting-points indicate self-dishonesty and are the cause that effects greed, exploitation and inequality in the world and within ourselves /our relationships.

Wanting 'more' from the perspective of responsibility for life, realizing that in order to change this world we have to stand equal to and one with the world and utilize what is here to take more responsibility and reach more people with common sense so that together we may move towards equality and oneness as self-realization of life: that is a different starting-point – a starting-point aligned with life as equality and oneness, and therefore such cause will have an entirely different effect and impact on the whole.



I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand the deception of the current polarity system of capitalism/consumerism/self-interested profit that 'justifies' fear of loss by supporting competition as conflict and war, and within this supporting greed as the 'protection'- and 'defence'-mechanisms the big players use to 'protect' what they 'own' through the abuse and corruption of law and the legal system as the 'agreements' of regulation of humanity;

and within that to see, realize and understand that we individually in our relationships apply the exact same polarity system of/as competition and conflict out of inferiority /fear of loss, and thus we 'justify' our greed and self-interest by accepting fear of loss as 'given' and 'irreversible', while we abuse ourselves and each-other through 'agreements' of deception, where I'll accept your shit as long as you accept my shit, I'll respect your beliefs as long as you respect mine, I'll be good to you as long as you are good to me - and within such 'agreements' of apparent politeness and fake respect we leave ourselves no window of opportunity to challenge ourselves and each-other beyond the rules of the system, to call each-other out when we witness behaviors and attitudes that harm life, out of fear of being called out for our own deception, our own abuse, our own acts of exploitation.


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that conflict and war is ‘needed’ in this current polarity system as the friction-generator to keep the system going and its people competing, while the big players compete for the 'most' profit;

and the same individually, as we participate in comparison, fear of loss and greed/desire of self-interest: we are generating friction within ourselves and our relationships while we compete against each-other for the 'most' of energy/ attention/ 'power' to satisfy our self-interest, while we've lost all sense of what is really good for us and what support us as life;

Because if we were able to see in common sense what is best for us, we would be able to see what is best for all - and that what is best for all life will be automatically best for each individual as life.


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we've abdicated our right to life and have become systems in a system, existing in the image and likeness of the system, blaming and whining and feeling 'powerless' without realizing the simplistic common sense that 'who we are' manifests the world as we know it and therefore to change the world from a profit-based abuse-system to a life-based support-system: we have to inevitably investigate and re-evaluate how we exist within ourselves and our relationships, realizing that who we are and how we co-exist is in fact the building-blocks of this world.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that greed is in fact fear.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Elitism is in fact fear.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fear is in fact self-interest;

because if we were equal to and one with life, connected with our origins as living flesh that is born of the earth and returning to the dust of the earth - if we were not manifesting ourselves as separate mind bubbles that exist in fear of loss (fear of loss: possibly exists out of some deeper unconscious understanding that all mind bubbles end at death while the body returns to its source as living soil/soul) – if we were one with and equal to life as who we are:
there would be no necessity to create a self-consciousness of self-interest that exists in separation from life; there would be no requirement to deny the common sense of what is best for all on earth; there would be no requirement to create illusionary projections of an 'afterlife' in the hope that our mind bubble may exist 'forever'...
We would live and participate in life as equals, just like in the best case scenario the cells in our body work together as Equals to live as One body.

And while we each have a whole universe to manage as our human physical body, we fail to get to know what we are as a body and how we function in all multidimensions of the physical; and instead we look to the stars 'out there' and create theories about universes ‘out there’ while we fail to manage the One universe that is given to us Here: our self/cell as our physical body individually, and collectively our earth as the one physical reality we all equally share.


I commit myself to bursting the mind bubble I exist within and as, so that I may see and realize the actuality of reality as What is Here.

I commit myself to investigating and stopping any and all points of comparison, competition and greed within myself and my participation in my world – so that I may be able to embrace my world equally, stand in the shoes of another, realize how we are all interconnected and how it is really not possible to gain anything while taking something away from another.

I commit myself to investigating and exposing all things I believe I ‘possess’, to see, realize and understand how I am in fact possessed by my perceived possessions and equally exist in fear of losing them – so that I may stop the polarity within myself, stop all perceptual value-judgments of ‘more’/’less’, ‘superior’-‘inferior’, ‘have’-‘have-not’; so that I may stand in self-equality and oneness in self-acceptance as life, and live life as equality and oneness within my participation in my world –
realizing that all bipolar value-judgments are a creation of the mind as self-consciousness out of its accepted ‘inferiority’ which it use to deceive and manipulate in competition against others, in comparison to whom it attempts to ‘gain value’ and act as if it’s ‘superior’.

I commit myself to stopping elitism within myself, by investigating and exposing all points of self-interest that I’ve made ‘my own’, to stop self-interest and start cultivating an interest for life, for that which is Here, for that which is Real;
to stop the mind bubbles of self-consciousness, stop myself from existing in polarity friction trapped in vicious cycles of fears and desires based on my accepted ‘inferiority’ and separation from life –
so that I may piece myself back together and stand in wholeness, integrity, self-dignity as life.

Within this, I commit myself to standing as a living example that we are able to piece ourselves back together in self-honesty and practical common sense; piece ourselves together to get to actual PEACE about ourselves and within how we live and participate in our world –
so that by standing together for life we may piece our world back together, stop the accepted separation and exploitation of life, and bring forth actual PEACE as a world that works together for what is best for all, a world that embraces all its children with equal care, providing equal opportunities, equal access and equal power for all –
so that we may empower ourselves in getting to know ourselves as the universe that we are, and equally our earth as our home-planet, finding and implementing practical ways of co-existence in a way that all life is equally supported and cherished.



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Bella
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 10 May 2012, 21:15

Bella's Journey to Life Day 27: Creating Your Expectations | The Mind of Doomsday and Salvation

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we create what we anticipate - be it 'positive' or 'negative'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that our expectations are pre-programmed based on our fears and desires = points that we have programmed into our consciousness through our interpretations, acceptances and allowances from the moment we began to think and define things.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that our fears and desires are not even ours, but are imprinted into our consciousness through the impulses of our environment, family, friends, media, and through our reactions to the impulses we were exposed to - reactions as value-judgments of either 'positive' or 'negative', hence creating 'desires' and 'fears' based on our interpretation of the patterns we observed.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whenever we project a desire or a fear onto something in our world, we are in fact projecting our conditioned past into the future, thus creating the future from the past, based on our expectations as anticipation.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that every 'positive' point exists only together with its counterpart as a 'negative' point – two sides of the same coin; And that if we were to exist in equality and oneness as life, in self-acceptance and self-fulfilment, we would not have to fear experiences of 'less than' nor desire experiences of 'more than'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that both the 'positive' and the 'negative' as they exist in the mind consciousness are not real but to the extent we allow them to influence our reality; and that both the 'positive' and the 'negative' as they exist in the mental do not describe the actuality of reality, but only our opinion/ interpretation/ value-judgment ABOUT reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be driven and defined by my desires and fears, instead of realizing they are merely the result of my consciousness as in-formed by this world, and that I as a newborn being coming into this world had neither fears nor desires until I started forming a consciousness through which to cope with my parents/environment and with which to identify, because this is what was taught to me by my parents/environment.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what we are facing is always our own creation; we are always facing ourselves as we project and superimpose our mental reality onto the physical reality, and therefore we see the physical reality through the filters of our mental reality - hence we never see what is real, but only what is real for the mind/I/consciousness based on what the mind/I/consciousness ‘knows’.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world that creates children in its image and likeness as mind/self-consciousness/self-interest in separation from life, in spite of the evidence that how we exist is not supporting life and that the world we manifest is not a friendly place for children, and that we should have long realized something is seriously wrong with how we exist.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to consider that we cannot overcome our 'fears' by superimposing their opposite as 'desires' - and yet we do this in an attempt to distract ourselves, to cover up the actuality of our reality, to deny our experience of ourselves, to not have to face our fears as our accepted ‘inferiority’ and the ‘negativity’ of this world - and so we project desires of 'positivity' to 'feel better' and act 'superior', without ever getting to the core of the matter at hand, which is ourselves and this world/reality/our relationships as our creation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist in anticipation of that which I 'know' - instead of realizing that through such application I am not allowing myself to Be Here and work with What is Here in every moment, but instead I exist within and from the past, re-playing the past, defining myself and my world based on the past as what I 'know'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that all knowledge of this world has not managed to bring forth actual solutions: neither for the improvement of the individual at its core not for the improvement of our world and co-existence in its entirety.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place faith and trust in the knowledge we harbour in this world, which is basically a recycled product of the history of mankind, a history filled with the blood of life through wars, conflict and the exploitation of life as the physical due to the mental disorder of mankind that impose its ideas of 'grandeur' and 'magnificence' at all cost, out of fear of loss/inferiority and the desire for profit/superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the accepted 'knowledge' of this world, because I have defined myself through 'knowledge' and thus fear losing myself if I were to lose/let go of that which I think I 'know'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fear can only exist where Life do not exist; because fear is the result of our separation from life, our abdication of life, our self-abdication -

where we have denied and disregarded our origin and source as the physical and have separated ourselves from life as ourselves and each-other into bubbles of mental realities in an attempt to 'find ourselves' - all the while we are Here, yet we refuse to accept that we have to face What is Here as our creation, as ourselves; we refuse to see that we ignore and disregard What is Here as ourselves and this world.

And we've defined ourselves to such an extent as this search for ourselves - that all systems of this world are set out to sell us methods and paths and products with which to 'find ourselves' based on ideas of 'beauty' and 'power' and 'superiority' -

and in the process of ‘searching for ourselves’ we consume ourselves as we buy into the ‘re-me-dies’ of this world brought to us by a system of profit as consumerism;
and so humanity exists in a constant race as competition and comparison based on fake values through which we define ourselves and each-other; while we've lost touch with Life as who we all really are and are unable to conceive or consider anything beyond the limitations and delusions of the mind.


I commit myself to developing and sharing common sense in the process of investigating, seeing and understanding What is Here as ourselves and this world, our creation.

I commit myself to applying self-awareness as breath in every moment, to train myself in Being Here and dealing with the actuality of reality, inner and outer, instead of being/getting lost and trapped in the dimensions, definitions and conclusions of the past.

I commit myself to studying the history of this world and my own personal history, to recognize and understand the patterns existence is based on – so that I may be able to learn the actual lessons that What is Here is teaching us, to stop repeating the mistakes of the past, stop repeating the same cycles of patterns, stop recycling and depleting life through a polarity system of the mental; and re-establish the value of life within myself and my world as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to developing and establishing self-dignity, self-honesty, self-respect, and practical common sense – so that I may assist and support myself and others in bringing forth a new world for ourselves and the children to come – a world of dignity, honesty and respect, a world where we co-exist with common sense on this common ground, sharing one common interest: LIFE.



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 11 May 2012, 20:06

Bella's Journey to Life Day 28: Self-Worth and Self-Image | Who or What Defines Me?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to submit to the image of being a woman in a world where women define their self-worth based on their ability to have a man /a relationship.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'more worthy' when I am in a relationship, and 'less worthy' when not.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to as a woman create a self-image of myself to be 'liked' and 'accepted' by men.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a woman needs a man /a relationship to be fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a woman needs a man /a relationship in order to be 'worthy' and 'accepted' in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-worth and self-fulfilment, and to project 'worth' and 'fulfilment' outside of myself, seeking to be 'valued' and 'fulfilled' through a man /a relationship.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we have separated ourselves form the value of life and thus feel 'inferior' - and then seek to compensate for that self-created 'lack' through attempting to add 'value' to ourselves through external factors.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we do not teach ourselves and our children how to live fulfilled lives and expand to our utmost potential, with the result that we spend a lifetime trying to 'find' ourselves through trying to 'find' fulfilment in all kinds of things from money, to sex, drugs, spirituality, religion, knowledge, status, fame.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the current money-system is supporting inequality at all levels as well as supporting the accepted 'inferiority' of the human being by promoting 'fulfilment' and 'worth' through external factors; even selling images of how a woman must look like or how a man must look like to be 'successful' in this world. And as we buy into the 'values' presented to us by the system we completely fail to notice that we are abdicating the value of life and are placing ourselves inferior to the value of life through separation and the abdication of our equality as life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to submit to the accepted 'inferiority' imposed by the world system and all systems of the world like family, education, media, science, money-system - wherein we are taught that we must 'gain' and 'attain' value by following the ways of the world and the laws of the system; within this accepting ourselves per implication as 'worthless' and 'valueless'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fail to see and realize that our desires are manufactured by the system and designed to keep the system running, to keep the human controlled and enslaved, to keep the patterns of existence recycling, to maintain the status quo in the world as we know it.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to discover and develop self-intimacy and self-acceptance, but have instead projected these qualities outside of myself and have then attempted to 'find' intimacy and acceptance outside of myself, within this abdicating my responsibility for living self-intimacy and self-acceptance, abdicating my directive-principle and my power to other people and relationships in separation from myself, expecting intimacy and acceptance to be 'given' to me so that I can 'take' it, 'have' it, 'possess' it, not realizing that I am within this making myself slave to whatever promises to 'give me' intimacy, acceptance or validation.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whenever a point of desired validation exists within self, it is an indication that one is not living self-acceptance in self-responsibility, but exists in self-separation as self-image only, expecting and desiring that self-image to be 'validated' by others/the world, as if such 'validation' could ever make us in fact worthy of life, worthy of ourselves; as if such 'validation' could ever support us in living self-acceptance and self-intimacy -
on the contrary: whenever 'validation' or 'acceptance' is given, what is TAKEN AWAY is self-responsibility, self-worth, self-acceptance. And it's not even 'taken away', it is in fact self that’s abdicating self, it is self giving-away one's self-power and self-responsibility out of self-dishonesty in form of the accepted 'inferiority' and self-separation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my power and compromise myself in the belief that if I am 'liked' and ‘accepted’ by others then I must be 'good', I must be 'worthy'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed who I am to be determined and defined by external factors in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-worth and self-acceptance, and that I've looked for 'worth' and 'acceptance' through others, giving others the power and authority to decide, determine and define 'my worth', 'my value', 'me'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be defined and determined by other people's words, actions and feedback - instead of realizing that though such acceptance I am abdicating the power and the authority to others to determine 'who I am'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place value and trust in other people's words, actions and feedback - instead of standing in self-trust and being the directive principle that determines who I am.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where our value as life is apparently not given by birth, but must be 'attained' through 'schooling' and 'education', through the 'acceptance' and 'approval' of others and our 'success' in the system.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a parenting system of 'education' that manipulates children with bipolar concepts of 'reward' and 'punishment', teaching children to respond to 'reward' with the perception of 'more self-worth' and to respond to 'punishment' with the perception of 'less self-worth' - and within this children learn to measure their self-worth on external feedback, regardless of the motives of those giving the feedback.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions on 'feelings' of 'positive' and 'negative' - instead of realizing that such 'feelings' are the conditioned responses of my self-consciousness as programmed to respond through the initial years of my life, wherein I 'learned' to categorize what makes me feel 'more' and what makes me feel 'less', thus later making decisions based on these concepts in an attempt to 'feel better', 'feel more' - while in fact abdicating my self-worth to emotional states that are not even induced by me myself but are subject to external stimuli and situations; thus within this abdicating my power of determining who I am to external factors.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we manipulate ourselves and each-other through feelings and emotions, 'positive' and 'negative' - while we fail to address the actuality of reality, to investigate who we are and what the consequences of our existence are, both for ourselves and each-other.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there exist such thing as self-manipulation, wherein we manipulate ourselves into self-dishonesty to remain in the 'known', that which 'feels good', that which will never challenge us to grow, to change or to reconsider our acceptances and allowances; wherein we manipulate ourselves into justifying our decisions, our choices, our behavior, out of fear of losing all that which we've allowed to determine who we are as 'worthy', all that which we've allowed to decide what our value is, all that which we've placed value into, in separation from ourselves.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we build our relationships on manipulation through feelings and emotions, something we can see within the smallest of children and how they will throw tantrums to get the attention of the parents, to within that get the energy of 'feeling worthy' of the parents attention or of 'feeling powerful' for managing to manipulate the parents and 'win' their attention --
without considering that these children will someday utilize these exact manipulation techniques in the world, in their relationships, in their work environments, and so we build societies and systems of manipulation and competition for 'energy' as attention, value and, in essence, profit.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire for relationship is in fact the desire for profit - as the hidden motive for a relationship as cultivated in this world is the validation of one's personality, the approval of one's value and the increase of one's worth - and within this it is evident that such desire is all about self-interest, which is equal to: profit.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world, a society, that does nothing to promote, develop and cultivate relationships of actual life support, intimacy and respect; a society and a parenting system that does nothing to teach the child/the individual the values of self-trust, self-acceptance, self-worth, self-dignity -
and within this we can see that all systems of this world including the family-system exist from the starting-point of fear of loss and desires based on self-interest according to concepts of 'value' as taught in this world; and that all systems of this world including the family-system exist within and through polarity manipulation and completely fail to communicate the matters at hand and deal with what really matters.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we are subject to our mental and emotional reactions, but never learn to understand how we create them, never learn to understand the implications of existing within and through mental and emotional reactions, never learn how to deal with and direct ourselves within and as such energetic play-outs, so that we may bring forth relationships and ways of life that are best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where we hide from ourselves and each-other, create fake values to hide behind to not have to face the fact that we have abdicated the value of life to a system of abuse and exploitation, a system that exists and operates both within and without –
and while we do have the evidence and the intellect to learn from the manifested consequences of our world, the reality we all share: those that could stand up and show what is going on, at least in their field of expertise, are equally subject to and driven by profit, fear and greed - thus only presenting 'results' and 'studies' that will protect them and that will support profit, through for instance the increased need for medications and psychiatric “support”, the obsession with beauty and ‘anti-age’, the promotion of sexualized images etc etc;

instead of giving the individual the power to get to know themselves and be the one to stand-up from the accepted pit of despair, be the one to save oneself, be the one to heal oneself -- because then we would not require the whole spectrum of 'expertise' that is in fact only based in profit, seen in the extent to which corporations have a say in matters of physical and mental health, nutrition, and basically every point of ‘education’ in this world.

And so we are educated to become consumers, seeking for our relief and salvation in external factors and remedies, seeking for approval and worth in everything and everyone else but ourselves.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world, a society, where we make each-other ‘feel good’ to not have to face ourselves; we ‘give’ each-other ‘acceptance’ and ‘value’ while we do not live self-acceptance and self-worth. This goes to show that ‘feeling’ is not real, is not showing the actuality of reality; it is a mental point of self-manipulation – it is self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the mental based on triggered reactions as conditioned ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’ – and within that I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the mind to define and determine who I am, instead of standing-up within myself and taking directive to be the one to determine who I am in self-honesty as life, in full self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world where we have abused the word ‘responsibility’ into fear, control and manipulation, and where we do not in fact teach our children to be self-responsible in self-honesty.
Instead we teach them manipulation and deception and that responsibility is something to be feared, ignored, abdicated to others; and so we manifest relationships of dependency and abuse, in which we fail to support ourselves and each-other in getting to know ourselves in self-honesty and self-intimacy, in acknowledging the value of life within ourselves and each-other, in growing and expanding beyond fears and limitations of the past, in studying and transforming the history of mankind into a co-existence of which we can really be proud of as our creation.


I commit myself to investigating all ways in which I have abdicated my responsibility and directive power – so that I may forgive myself, let go of the mind-control, and take back the power to determine who I am, how I will live, and how I may contribute to my world to bring forth the change I would like to see and experience – as what’s best for all life.

I commit myself to investigating and stopping all ways in which I am participating in manipulation and self-manipulation – so that I may remove the mind-control from within and stand as equal within my world.

I commit myself to letting go any and all ways in which I seek to be ‘validated’ and ‘accepted’ – so that I may develop and establish self-acceptance, self-worth, self-trust.

I commit myself to investigating and forgiving all points within which I have placed ‘trust’ in separation from myself – so that I may stop all dependency and walk in self-trust as an equal of life.

I commit myself to demonstrating that interdependence does not have to mean dependency – and that in fact in this world we have abused the word to justify how we deny and ignore the interdependence of life, how we disregard that we are responsible not only for ourselves but also for each-other, because who we are within and how we interact and participate in our reality affects not only ourselves but also each-other, our world, the whole.

I commit myself to demonstrating that a solution for our world cannot deny the interdependence of life – and that in fact only within considering and acknowledging our interdependence as life on this planet are we able to establish ways of life that will honor life and systems of support that will care for all life equally.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself and my world in a process of self-realization, so that we may let go of the fears and limitations of the past, stop the accepted mind-control form the inside-out, get to know ourselves in self-honesty and self-intimacy, acknowledge the value of life within ourselves and each-other, grow and expand in self-responsibility and self-fulfilment, understand and transform the history of mankind into a co-existence of which we can really be proud of as our creation.



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 12 May 2012, 22:26

Bella's Journey to Life Day 29: Searching for that Feeling ... "And when I get that Feeling..."


In the last couple of weeks I've written about the points of self-definition through others, seeking acceptance and validation, trying to enhance self-worth through external factors - all points boiling down to an accepted 'inferiority' and the 'lack' of self-acceptance and self-worth.

Obviously the solution is always self, and therefore it is to define and determine How self will live self-acceptance and self-worth, while stopping the ‘search’ for ‘validation’ and ‘value-attribution’ from outside oneself.

There is however still this ‘nagging feeling’ within me. And when I look at my life and my 'motive' within approaching any point, and especially relationships, I realize that I am searching for a certain ‘feeling’ – perhaps a ‘feeling’ to neutralize that ‘nagging feeling’...? So this is what I’m starting to investigate now, because I’m realizing that my experience in life has mostly been that ‘nagging feeling’ and anything I would do or engage in would turn out to be ‘just not good enough’ and within that I would see myself as ‘just not good enough’ – but instead of stopping, I would continue, partly consciously and partly unconsciously, searching for that ‘feeling’ that makes it all ‘feel right’ :o

I've written about how the world system in all its units (family-system, education, media, money-system, science etc.) is set up to promulgate a lifestyle where we from the very beginning 'learn' that we have to 'gain' and 'attain' worth/value, that we have to 'earn' our right to life, our right to be here. Just 'being yourself' isn't good enough.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself to such an extent, that I seem to not know how to be myself.

Within this I forgive myself for thinking and believing that there is some 'way' of 'how' to be myself - instead of realizing that this idea is coming from the exact same system/approach/consciousness as I mentioned before: wherein we create the idea/concept that we must 'find' ourselves, 'earn' ourselves, ‘attain’ ourselves, make ourselves 'more' through 'gaining' attributes of 'value' as defined in this world;
Instead of the simple realization that I am Here, therefore I am 'enough'. I am Here, therefore my responsibility is here. I am Here, therefore I must care for myself as life, and naturally within this care for all as life equally.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that this 'me' that I "don't know how to be" has been covered-up with layers of ideas, ideals, images, concepts, mental-, emotional- and behavioral-patterns, judgments and self-definitions: that ‘who I am’ as life is buried underneath all these layers of impulsed, formed, created and manifested consciousness of a mental reality where money is god and self-interest the loyal servant of god, where we interact with each-other based on exactly these layers of in-formation as consciousness that are constructed systematically in a fuzzy-logic based on which we judge each-other and categorize each-other in polarities of 'more than' and 'less than' (just like the current money-system);

And so we exist as capitalists within our own universe - our body – and despite of being a oneness as a body we are not in equality but serve only the self-proclaimed king - the mind - without even effectively caring for or even knowing the whole physical uni-verse that we are in all its parts, dimensions, interconnections, relationships, functions and play-outs.

The solution is self-evidently HERE, it is ME. It is to literally - in actual Living Words - deconstruct the whole system that I've become as a pawn in the greater world-system, forgive the separation I have accepted and allowed within myself and my reality, to literally dis-cover the power of self-equality, self-determination, self-will and self-directive principle in self-honesty and practical common sense;

to then re-create myself in awareness as life, through stopping the accepted patterns of separation and of polarity as the concepts of 'inferiority'-'superiority', 'more than'-'less than', and through applying corrective and dignifying living as who I am, in self-dignity and self-respect.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the thought and perception “I don’t know how to be ‘me’...” is in itself a point of self-sabotage wherein self is going into ‘inferiority’ and ‘victim-hood’, and then whining and depressing seems ‘justifiable’, when in fact one is only allowing oneself to cycle in mental-/emotional-patterns of self-victimization and the projection of the solutions in separation from self.

So there is nothing to 'find'.

There is only something to 'give': Life.

So it is to Self For Give and embark on a Journey to Life by standing-up to be and become the self-directive will that changes my existence into a way of life that supports all life as equal, as co-existence.


Back to that ‘Feeling’.
I realize I require to specify and define that ‘feeling’ in its nitty-gritty detail, because in self-honesty I still find myself 'hoping' and 'dreaming' and 'wishing', while I’m experiencing myself as if I'm 'missing' something - and even though it is clear to me that what I'm missing is ME HERE, there still exists an energetic distraction which is so undefined yet so ingrained that it seems to infiltrate the core of my being, influencing my perception, my decisions, my for-give-ness to myself.

What I understand in common sense is that I must GIVE me to me. No one else can do that for me, and if anyone or anything would, I would per implication be 'slave' to that point.

So let me go back to the beginning of my writing. When I look at my life, there is this ‘nagging feeling’ and I perceive there being something 'missing'. It's as if I'm looking for 'fulfilment' - all the while I am here :o

Why am I not 'enough'?
Who or what determines whether I am 'enough'?
Why do I allow myself to degrade and devalue myself and then to search for 'elevation' and 'value' in external factors, for example in relationships?

Just now my parents, my childhood, and the point of 'the fugitive' popped-up (the latter I wrote about in a previous blog).

There was always this feeling of 'nostalgia' or of 'missing' a 'home'. I don't know why, but I didn't really feel 'at home' in my parents' house. And as a child, I was always as if looking for a way to FEEL AT HOME, to feel 'welcome'. I felt better when I was at friends' houses, and I started looking to spend more and more time in other people's homes. When I was older, I started to look for that 'feeling' in relationships. This made me often stay in relationships that weren't good for me. Another point that pops-up is the dreams I had a young girl. I must have been kind of 'in love' with my father (him being the first man in my life and then the system educating me about relationships and ‘life’ and so on), and when it was clear that my parents did not get along well and were considering a divorce, I said they should divorce (their being together was really horrific) and my secret dream was to then move with my father, as I perceived him to be this stable, calm, humorous and easy-going person. I imagined that life could be much simpler, and I could have both support and freedom, and could finally be carefree and do things and explore things and so on.

So within my design there is this point of external authority as 'support figure' that is supposed to be there to give me structure, stability, trust, and the security and freedom to move/expand. So can it be that I have programmed within my consciousness a rule saying that I cannot have fulfilment without such point of 'authority' or 'structural support' other than myself 'being here for me'?

The other day I was looking at the perception that I did not have a happy childhood – in that moment immediately I had to think about all the suffering and poverty in this world, starvation, famine, crime, war. So, obviously, happy childhood or not – that is not a valid point as it cannot be measured objectively in the context of this world, this reality. It is only a point that defines my self-definition and my perception of 'worth' or 'lack' thereof – which is so for all people, the first years of our lives are not called ‘formative years’ for nothing. Did I perhaps as a child think that I am not loved because my parents couldn't give me love, at least not in the way I defined and wished for love to be? Why was I constantly 'missing' something?

And is this 'something' the same thing that I feel to be 'missing' still today while searching for that 'feeling'?



I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge, define and categorize people, situations, options in life: based on my idea of how much or how little they would contribute to me getting closer to 'that feeling'.

Within this I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that having such perception-filter, I am never actually looking at a person for who they are, or at a situation for what it really is, or at an option in terms of responsibility, growth, self-fulfilment; but only from the starting-point of getting that ‘feeling 'fulfilled' -

so the question to be asked is: Who or what am I living for?
Why am I not the center of myself?
Why am I not 'enough' for me?
Why am I not the one to empower me?
Why am I not the one to give to me what I require?
What equations have I adopted, accepted, allowed or created that tell me I need someone or something to fulfil me, to give me the permission and the support to live, to expand, to accept myself?


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed an addiction to a 'feeling' that keeps me preoccupied and distracted and thus not fully here, thus not effective in dealing with the actuality of my reality, in making informed decisions and leading myself to directive steps in my life through which I can truly make a difference in my reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into relationships from the starting-point of finding 'completeness' through feeling - instead of realizing that within this I've been creating an energetic-entity out of a relationship: something onto which I would project all my fears and desires, consciously or unconsciously, and would expect it to 'protect' me, 'fulfil' me, 'save' me (from myself?!); as I give it the authority to.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give my authority and my self-directive power away to a separate entity I create as a ‘relationship’ or a ‘partner’, out of the belief that it must exist to complete me because “I am not enough”.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and entertain the perception and idea that “I am not enough”, instead of realizing that such perception is in all ways impulse onto us through all systems of the world and thus perpetuates the ways of the world as dependency creation, consumerism, separation and abuse through inequality.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to GIVE to myself the gift of life, in self-acceptance and self-worth.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the feeling of 'missing something' to define me and determine my self-worth -- instead of realizing and acknowledging that much of how we feel and who become is formed in the formative years of our lives through the impulses of circumstances and conditions we could not choose or foresee or have any influence upon –

yet as grown-ups, within realizing how this world functions and why history just keeps repeating, it is OUR responsibility to dig back and find all that which we've adopted, accepted and allowed to define us that is not in fact supporting us in empowering ourselves and acknowledging our power as life and therefore our responsibility, to FORGIVE all that which we've adopted, accepted and allowed that is in any way a mental or emotional definition undermining our self-equality and oneness and our ability to accept ourselves and stand in self-trust, self-worth and self-respect as equals of life, and let it go once and for all; giving ourselves back the power we’ve abdicated to the system within and without, to finally stand as life and be the ones to make a difference, within and without.


When I look at people being 'happy', I always question it, I become doubtful and suspicious. When I undertake something to make myself 'happy', I question it in the same way.
It occurs to me just now, that I would sometimes get excited about a project, an idea or an undertaking, a course for instance or anything that one can 'do' as a hobby or education - but then I would end-up thinking and believing "it's not worth it", and I can see now why:

It's because I would attach the hope and desire for 'happiness' to that one project/idea/point, then however realizing that nothing external can bring or give you 'happiness' that is real - so I would let it go and at the same I'd feel a certain 'sadness' or 'disappointment' that I wasn't giving it to myself.
The actual sadness is in fact about not giving self to self. Sometimes it was also sadness about not giving myself that project or whatever point it was, because it would've been a possibility for me to express me, for me to do something I enjoy. Yet due to my tendency of projecting the enjoyment, the fulfilment to that point in separation from myself: I was sabotaging myself, and ending-up thinking and believing I can never be happy, fulfilled, complete, content.


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there exists only self-fulfilment, and this practically implies the realization that self is life, is all, is equal. Within this - giving self back to self, gifting self with the gift of life as self-will and directive-power: one will live and co-exist in ways that all life is supported.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can never be happy, fulfilled, complete, content - "unless I find that something, there must be something".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define happiness, fulfilment, completeness, content within "something" separate from me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've in fact created that "something" to exist in some alternate reality as a separate entity which must make me ‘feel’ a certain way, and the more I try to 'reach' it the further away it seems.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have created this idea of a ‘special feeling’ in my childhood already, based on the impulses I had as a child and not knowing how to address or communicate my inner experience with my world, I created a projected alternate reality within my mind where ‘all is fine’ and ‘I am happy’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed memory and past-definition to define me and my life, to determine how I experience and how I value myself, and to direct my choices in life – while I simply ‘follow the feeling’, in spite of the evidence that the more I follow, the further it seems.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we all have such ‘alternate realities’ in our minds, which is why we do not in fact communicate with each-other but only resonate signals according to our ‘hidden’ desires and fears – and then we look for the ones that will validate our desires and make our fears seem far away; the ones that will resonate similarly and then when we get together, we ‘support’ each-other in our delusions instead of actually supporting ourselves and each-other in self-honesty, assisting ourselves and each-other to wake up and stand up and GET REAL.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the motto ‘follow your heart’ has been used in many ways from all systems of the current system to keep us following our delusions that were formed out of reactions to this system of inequality and deception, and instead of standing up, getting to know the system and how this reality operates to actually change it; we go into reaction and start fighting what is here and creating alternate realities in our minds, not realizing that what is here is the accumulative effect of what we cause as who we are – yet we do not see cause and effect, we only see self-interest within and as our own mind.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in my own creation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world where we trap ourselves in our creation – the world – and then fight against it, denying the fact that we are all responsible for this creation and for keeping ourselves and each-other trapped within it as the world as we know it.


...to be continued...


I commit myself to investigate how I trap myself within my own creation, and how I have created perceptions and ideas of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ – so that I may stop and forgive the self-separation I have accepted and allowed, and remove all that from my consciousness which is part of the delusion with which we sabotage ourselves into ‘powerlessness’ and ‘helplessness’ while we project ‘fulfilment’ and ‘salvation’ into external factors like god, money, sex, relationships, power, fame and other ‘values’ as defined of this world.

I commit myself to restoring the value of life within myself and my reality – so that I may be and become a living example of self-equality and oneness as the directive power to actually make a difference, by taking responsibility for our creation, stopping the deception and abuse that’s been accepted and allowed, and transcend our existence into a living-reality that is best for all life.



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 13 May 2012, 20:12

Bella's Journey to Life Day 30: Filled-Up with Fake Fulfilment | Hu.Man.I.Ty’s Energetics of Self-Sabotage

Within walking the point of self-fulfilment and how I have attempted to ‘find’ fulfilment in life through external factors (which is what we are all ‘educated’ to seek for through money, sex, relationships, validation, reputation, ‘power’ as defined in this world) – I ask myself the question of How to live self-fulfilment in self-honesty as life.
It is easier to begin answering this question by looking at and recognizing what self-fulfilment is NOT.

In ‘modern society’, we don’t learn how to simply be with ourselves, be with each-other, be with the physical reality as nature, animals, and all that is here. We are in fact brainwashed robots designed to seek for ‘value’ and ‘fulfilment’ by filling ourselves up with whatever promises to take us ‘higher’, give us ‘more’, make us look ‘better’ in the eyes of the world – after all such ‘qualities’ is what will ensure our survival as the ‘fittest’ when we present our ‘advantages’ against the ‘competition’.

And so we exist in a constant race seeking for ‘fulfilment’, while we miss ourselves HERE – we miss the breath that gives us life in every moment while we are preoccupied in the mind conspiring against the rest of the world and planning ways to ‘win the jackpot’.

And so we exist in a constant race seeking for ‘fulfilment’, instead of giving ourselves and each-other the gift of life, and the opportunity to live to the fullest of our potential so that we may fill our lives with actual happiness and enjoyment through living to the best of our abilities and working together to bring forth the best this world can be: for ALL equally.


Looking at the word Fulfilment – we see the words ‘Full’ and ‘Fill’.

Placed in the context of this world, the two words reveal how we fool ourselves while we ‘fill’ ourselves to the ‘full’; they reveal the exploitation of life that we’ve been accepting and allowing while we exist in survival-mode in competition with each-other, whine and blame the system while we in fact participate in the system and thus validate the system with every thought, word and deed, with every thing that we buy and every relationship we entertain.

In this survival-mode driven by self-interest, all that seems to matter is getting ourselves ‘filled-full’ with the best we can get, and we can see this over-consumption everywhere: food/nutrition, clothes/fashion, make-up/beauty, health/anti-age, sex/relationships, drugs/medications – everything we do we try to ‘be more’, ‘get more’, ‘have more’.

We have defined ‘fulfilment’ in this world as an energetic experience that ‘feels good’ in spite of the evidence that for us to have the ‘best’ in the current system others must have ‘less’, as we exploit the natural resources and the money-system to our advantage.
We have defined ‘fulfilment’ in this world as an ‘energy reward’ at all costs, in spite of the evidence that we in fact make WAR in the name of reWARd, and we ‘justify’ this in all possible ways, just to not have to see what we are doing, to not have to change, to not have to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define ‘fulfilment’ through and as the energetic ‘reward’ that is triggered when ‘getting more’, ‘getting higher’, ‘getting better’; as we exist in a constant back-chat about how to manipulate our reality to our ‘advantage’ and how to out-win others to get to the ‘jackpot’ – while we don’t give a fuck about half the world starving and suffering poverty, famine, war.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define ‘fulfilment’ through and as the energetic ‘reward’ that is connected with ‘getting more’, ‘getting higher’, ‘getting better’ at out-winning others and getting to the ‘jackpot’ – when in fact this ‘feeling’ is but a temporary ‘remedy’ while the real-me dies as we waste time and breath accumulating illusions to satisfy our delusion, because we have separated ourselves from the physical reality to such an extent, that we exist merely as mental projection that only see that which they project –

and thus we fail to see reality and deal with reality in a way that brings forth a reality that supports life; but instead, trapped in our mental possessions, we bring forth a distorted reality of mental delusion on the one hand and physical suffering and abuse on the other, and we allow the exploitation of life to continue, refusing to see, realize and understand that we are doing it to ourselves: we are depleting ourselves and our planet and are inevitably faced with death, causing the death of millions of other life forms in the name of ‘fulfilment’ as self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that ‘feeling’ as ‘energetic reward’ is something that must be constantly generated, re-generated, fuelled and charged – and so we keep consuming and keep wanting more and never stop, while history is repeating and we are faced more and more with the manifested consequences of our own negligence, arrogance and greed.

Did we really think we can get to real Advancement through each manipulating reality to one's own ‘Advantage’ only?!

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Greed has become our very nature, through our acceptance and allowance, through our fear of death which we fail to address and investigate in common sense and through our desire for ‘fulfilment’ defined in separation from ourselves as life:
We have become the living-manifestation of Greed within everything we think, say or do, how we eat, how we consume, what we wear, how we present ourselves, the medications or drugs we (ab)use, how we spend our money, what we spend our money on, how we interact with each-other, how we think about others, what we ‘care’ about and why; Everything is driven by our desire of getting ‘more’ energy, getting ‘more’ filled-up, getting a bigger ‘mouth-full’ of everything, and within this we for a moment cover-up our fear and deceive ourselves into ‘feeling fulfilled’ –

which again goes to show the deceptive nature of emotions and feelings, which are nothing but polarity-playouts of consciousness based on ‘reward’ and ‘punishment’ in the nature of ‘energy’, and so we abuse the physical to satisfy the mental and have become literally life-suckers sucking ourselves and our planet dry, deliberately blind to the physical consequences, as long as we can cover it up with ‘beauty-products’, ‘anti-age surgeries’, ‘health remedies’, ‘green parties’ and other ‘political promises’.

And so we buy into and equally sell each-other PROMISES only, mental projections of FULFILMENT while we manipulate the energetics of existence apparently to ‘our advantage’ – yet what we do not see within this: is that we are in fact equally manipulating and deceiving ourselves.



I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world where we’ve separated ourselves from life as the physical to such an extent, that we have become our own enemy; and we’ve allowed the king of thin-king in the mind to become the dictator of life and impose its self-interest onto the physical, disregarding the common interest of the physical of which we are all equally part of.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand the deceptive and manipulative nature of energy as emotions and feelings, despite the obvious evidence in this world that it is through our fears and desires that the system is able to manipulate and brainwash us into further and further control through consumerism and the ‘survival of the fittest’; and we even utilize the exact same methods of manipulation to ‘educate’ our children and to manipulate our reality to satisfy our self-interest: which is to get the energetic quick-fix and ‘feel good’, ‘feel better’, ‘feel something’, ‘feel valuable’, ‘feel alive’.

How can we be alive when we are not Giving Life to ourselves and each-other?
How can we feel good when all we do is bad, when all we do is in the name of self-interest only?
How can we be valuable when we abdicate our value as life?
How can we claim we feel something, when we do not feel the earth being sucked dry, when we do not feel the child dying of starvation and other preventable causes every 5 seconds?


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world where we define ‘fulfilment’ in separation from life and in disregard of each-other, where each one exists within and as a separate bubble of self-interest creating conflict for fake ‘values’ as we’ve defined them through the mental, seen in the whole world and especially within and as the current money-system:

where we have imposed the energetic polarity attributes of the mind onto the physical reality and have completely missed the value of life as what we all share here, have completely failed to consider and acknowledge the actual reward we could all have, if only we would work together for what is best for all! Then we would have heaven on earth as life without fear, without abuse, without exploitation. We would have a society where we wouldn’t have to exploit and consume ourselves and each-other in our personal quests for ‘fulfilment’ –

but would self-realize fulfilment as Living Here to our Fullest Potential and giving everyone equally the permission to Live their Fullest Potential, at the same time managing our common ground in a way that it may flourish to its fullest and distributing the goods our Planet Earth unconditionally provides us with equally to all, in equality and oneness as life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be so mesmerized by the energetics of the mental, that I have superimposed the mental onto the physical despite the evident harm, while I have no clue whatsoever how the physical reality really functions, how my physical body operates, or how everything is interconnected with cause and effect.

And while we claim to or at least attempt to be ‘creator’ of self-interest in the mental, we have no clue about this physical creation we are born of and return to, we have no clue about ourselves as a physical creation, we have no clue how we manifest this world as we know it – yet we’ll delude ourselves with illusions of grandeur in the mental and claim all kinds of ‘theories’ and ‘discoveries’ that rarely have anything to do with the actuality of reality.


I commit myself to stopping my accepted concepts of ‘reward’; stopping myself from existing as energy through the mental only, always needing the next quick fix to ‘feel better’, and thus being distracted and destructed by the energetics I follow and give power to, while I miss the physical Here and my opportunity to get to know myself and my world as a physical reality of interconnectedness.

I commit myself to getting to know myself and my world through and as the physical; to see, acknowledge and understand the interconnectedness of life in all possible ways – so that I may live in ways that honor the interconnectedness of life, ways that stop the abuse and exploitation that is being allowed.

I commit myself to investigating and exposing all fake ways to ‘fulfilment’ as we’ve defined it in this world, and showing in common sense that actual Fulfilment can only be the living result of who we are and how we co-exist.

I commit myself to, as I stop the abuse through/as energy, get to know myself here as the physical, by walking my reality breath by breath, directing myself in practical common sense, and dis-covering the actual values in life as oneness and equality and thus dignity for life coming from self-dignity in self-realization as life –
self-realizing the value of life as the only thing that can bring forth actual Fulfilment: which is then within who we are within ourselves and with each-other and how we participate in our reality; hence Self-Fulfilment, as the result of who I am in every breath, as I walk the process of assisting and supporting myself in becoming the directive-principle of myself in every breath, standing up in self-equality and oneness, and stopping all energetic dependencies both within and without.

I commit myself to investigating and demonstrating how energy is in fact like a drug, like sugar, which, in spite of the temporary ‘feel-good’ for the mind, has long-term consequences for the body. The same with energy and energetic addiction: energy only serves the mind – while it is depleting the body and the planet, using mental concepts and emotional responses within and the ‘values’ of the money-system without.

I commit myself to showing in common sense that Energy only serves the Mind (which is the head of the body and has become a dictator) and the System in the bigger picture (which is the head of society and has become a dictator) – and that is why the ‘problem’ we are facing as humanity collectively and individually is called Mind-Control, which, fascinatingly enough, can only be stopped from the inside out!

I commit myself to living the realization and showing also for my world to see: that Energy only serves the Mind which is the system within, and Money which is the system without – while depleting the physical body of each one and the physical body of the whole as our one planet;
And therefore while we stop the mind-control from within, we also require a new money system that will stop the control through money, stop the deception of fake ‘values’ while correcting the misaligned distribution of resources and wealth, and re-establishing the value of life as oneness and equality through equal money, equal power, equal access, equal opportunities for all, from birth to death.
So that even the less fortunate and the less educated may be an equal part of Life, while we give ourselves and each-other the chance and the structural support to start-over and empower ourselves as life, to live to our fullest potential, while we start facing ourselves and each-other in self-forgiveness and forgiveness of the ‘sins of the fathers’, so that we may once and for all stop re-creating the history of mankind as we know it, and instead bring forth the world we would all like our children to be born into.



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 15 May 2012, 20:01

Bella's Journey to Life Day 31: Being Self-Conscious is Self-Judgment | United we Stand, Divided we Fall


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be/become self-conscious and define myself through/as self-consciousness – instead of investigating in self-honesty what the point of being self-conscious is actually showing me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming/being self-conscious implies that one is making oneself subject to other people's opinions and value-judgments - giving 'others' through one's own acceptance and allowance the power and authority to judge, define and determine who one is.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into self-judgment and then expect people to judge me, being self-conscious about how other people see me; which is showing me that I am already judging myself, and project this judgment as what I expect or anticipate from others.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming/being self-conscious implies that I've already created a point of self-judgment within myself about myself and then project that judgment in expectation of it being 'validated' by others or not.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to be here in self-acceptance in every moment, developing and establishing self-trust through making decisions and directing my life from in self-awareness as life, in self-honesty and practical common sense.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we have one actual choice:

to either exist as self-consciousness, self-conscious of our own judgments which we project onto others creating mental energetics of 'superiority'-'inferiority' based on which we manifest a world of unnecessary competition and suffering as the human RACE;
OR to live in self-awareness as life, in understanding instead of judgment = aware of how we're creating ourselves and this world in the first place, aware of the cause and effect our individual existence has on the whole, and thus directing ourselves in making sure that our cause and our effect are always in the interest of life as all as one as equal -

so that we may manifest a world of oneness and equality where judgment, competition and polarity have no place because we manage ourselves and our relationships in understanding of cause and effect, realizing that what is best for all is best for me, thus as Jesus said: do unto another as you would like to have done unto self.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world of relationships of separation, where we not only separate ourselves from each-other and everything that is here, but also from ourselves within ourselves: through mental concepts and value-judgments based on 'superiority'-'inferiority' - which implies that we are creating ourselves and our relationships based in competition and comparison only, and have lost all sense of life as equality and oneness, not only toward our world but also toward and within ourselves.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I live every moment in self-awareness as life, directing myself as best for all in self-honesty and practical common sense: mental value-judgments become irrelevant, unnecessary, superfluous.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to let go of self-judgment completely and entirely - so that I may stand in self-trust as the directive principle of myself/my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my directive principle to the mind of judgments and opinions that is based on past conditioning and functions through filters of perception that do not have the interest of life in focus but only self-interest as the preservation of a persona formed and created to survive in this world through competition based in survival-fear.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as we make ourselves subject to judgment, subject to the mind (and as long as we judge others we can be sure that self-judgment exists equally, as Jesus said: Judge not lest you be judged) - we are making ourselves subject to fear and thus mind-control.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fear is always mind-control, and that therefore we are 'controlling' ourselves from the inside out, however in unawareness, as we are existing divided within ourselves, having abdicated our directive principle to the conditioned and programmed self-consciousness as the persona formed through influences and impulses of this world to 'fit' into this world and make sure the system keeps running as the world as we know it: based on self-interest and separation.

And therefore I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that: as within so without, and so we are creating this world in our image and likeness, manifesting a society of fear, mind-control, competition and manipulation, extensively seen and reflected within the current money-system and the global consequences thereof for humanity and our planet earth.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as we exist within judgment, we are making ourselves subject to energy - energy being the energetic experiences of 'superiority'-'inferiority' as formed through the mind of judgment and separation; and within this we abdicate our directive principle to the energetic experiences of 'feel-good'-'feel-bad', 'have-more'-'have less', 'be-more'-'be-less', ending up making our choices and decisions in life based on such energetic experiences that only include ourselves as a separate persona in self-interest; manifesting a world, a society that disregards life completely while it pursues self-interest, perpetuating the current system of 'survival of the fittest' to the most atrocious and inhumane consequences.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand how we've made physical energy subject to the mental energy of polarity-judgements and energetic-experiences, without ever getting to know, realize and understand the physical substance we are all made of, the physical universe that is our home and life-giver, and the physical energy laws by which this physical reality functions;

Instead, we have created laws based on mental polarities and value-judgments of 'superiority'-'inferiority' from the starting-point of separation and self-interest; and from this we manifest an existence of self-interest trapped and blinded by its own creation, while we allow the automated mind system to drive and determine existence both within and without.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that: as we have allowed ourselves to be driven through an automated pilot as the conditioned mind as energetic self-consciousness; we have equally allowed our world to be driven through an automated pilot as the money-system, with money being the energy we have created and defined to be what it is today, deceiving ourselves and each-other by pretending this energy as money is real while we allow it to run our existence and to determine who lives and who dies, because without money you die in this world as it is proven every 5 seconds as a child dies of starvation and other preventable causes.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see the simplicity of the solution to the fuck-up we have created, both within and without: which is to stop our addiction to energy/energetic experiences, to stop all mind-control and all fear, thus stopping all concepts of 'superiority' and 'inferiority' both within and without and standing-up in self-awareness as life –
so that we may self-realize who we can be when we are not limited by the definitions and energetic experiences of the mind, and see the necessity to change the money-system in our world by giving money the value of life as equality and oneness; so that money may be a tool through which we can make sure equal support, equal access, equal power, equal resources is made available and given to all equally, as an acknowledgement of our self-realization as life.



I commit myself to stopping judgment and self-judgment within myself - so that I may stand in self-equality and oneness, in self-acceptance of myself as life, as I am here; therefore my power and my responsibility is here, I simply have to take it, live it, become it within and as who I am in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to investigating and stopping the energetic experiences as mind-control that I've allowed myself to place value into and follow - so that I may be the one to decide who I am and to determine my choices and decisions in life, in self-awareness as life, therefore in common sense as what's best for all life.

I commit myself to exposing and demonstrating how we've all been existing in fear, in separation and self-interest, wherein fear has become greed, separation has become our reality, and self-interest our directive principle through which we manifest the world as we know it.

I commit myself to transforming my relationships into self-honest communication and life-support, starting with myself, so that I no longer exist in or support judgment, competition, the human race in its current state of separation.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that as long as we are found 'wanting', we cannot be trusted with life, because we are mind-controlled through our own wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that as long as we are subject to the wants, needs and desires we harbour as a result of our conditioned persona created through the world-system in its image and likeness: we are subject to fear, because each point we want, need or desire comes along with the fear of losing it, and so we are controlled through fear while we exist in fear, pursuing only our self-interest as wants, needs, desires, which are not even our own but the result of a conditioned self-consciousness programmed by and within this world system to perpetuate separation, consumerism and the exploitation of life.

I commit myself to stop defining myself based on perceived 'securities' - so that I may be free to move and expand, instead of submerging myself to concepts and ideas of fake 'security' in a world where death is not our own decision, in a world where we allow more than half the population to exist without their daily bread secured.

I commit myself to stopping my existence of self-interest, so that I may expand myself in the interest of life, so that I may do what it takes to bring forth a new world that will function and operate as best for all life in all ways, and I will not stop until it's done.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that no one is free until all is free.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that United we Stand, Divided we Fall - which is evident within how we exist within ourselves as the 'fallen angels', divided within ourselves through self-judgment, energetic experiences, internal conversations; instead of Standing as One and Equal, in the image and likeness of 'god' as perfection, as all as one as equals, thus being the directive principle in oneness and equality, aware of and caring for all of our creation equally.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that our world is Falling because we have fallen within ourselves, and that to 'save our world' we require to realize that we have fallen, that we have separated ourselves from life, that we are in fact responsible as creators, and that we can stop, forgive, unite and stand-up in self-realization as life, as life in self-awareness;

And within this we can unite our world and bring-forth a new system based on our awareness as life, based on self-realization as creators, based on the acknowledgement that: United we Stand, Divided we Fall.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that if the world falls, mankind falls, and there will be no 'winners' and 'losers' in the end, as we are all equally subjected to the consequences of our existence and the effect we cause;

Thus it is vital to understand Cause and Effect, to from that understanding make sure that we only cause an effect that will be best for all life equally in all possible ways.

I commit myself to sharing the obvious common sense that it is necessary to not only stop the mind-control from the inside-out, but also to work on bringing-forth a new system that will no longer allow mind-control, that will no longer allow the control of information and resources to the benefit of a select few only, that will no longer allow the control of life through money as the current crimes against life taking place in every single moment in a world where a child die every 5 seconds from preventable causes.

I commit myself to share the common sense that it is in the benefit of ALL to unite as equals on ONE earth, as ONE life, and manifest a world of oneness and equality where judgment, competition and polarity have no place, because we manage ourselves and our relationships in understanding of cause and effect, realizing that what is best for all is best for me.



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 16 May 2012, 20:19

Bella's Journey to Life Day 32: HOPE is a Four Letter Word

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world, a society, where we wait and HOPE for something to happen, something to come and save us, something to miraculously stop/change the conditions we are all currently enslaved to in this existence.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the enslavement of humanity through systems of HOPE like religion, spirituality, the money-system, the education-system, science and technology, and all systems of this world as none offer actual options/solutions for the betterment of LIFE in our world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted a world where we miss the obvious and hide behind HOPE, in spite of the evidence that through HOPE we are only abdicating our power and authority to "something" that is promising a better future without any physical proof that that will in fact be so.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see the obvious when looking at the systems of HOPE in this world:
that the money-system demands debt in exchange for the promise of profit and wealth; religion and spirituality demand faith and belief in exchange for the promise of salvation from sin; education demands competition for the promise of a opportunities in life; science and technology demand our good faith in their 'benevolence' for promising progress and profit, better health and rejuvenation.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see the obvious: that all the systems of our world use our fears and desires to make promises 'good enough' to delude us into HOPING for a better future, and thus we beLIEve and have faith;
and so we project the redemption of life into some future while we do nothing to investigate and understand the motives behind promises made, nothing to investigate and understand cause and effect, nothing to question why we are promised eternal life when half the world is starving and suffering, yet the money that is currently in circulation is invested in weapons, technology, anti-age, and other politics of greed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted a world, a society, where we do not see beyond our fears and desires, where we are so brainwashed into seeing only what we 'know' that we take no chance to question the world beyond the knowledge-box it is presented to us in; and so we sit and wait and HOPE for the promises to come true, while one political party is replacing the other to fail in the exact same way; and despite the promises made, once in power every party becomes subject to the 'rules of the game' which is the rules of money as 'god' in this existence.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that everyone is in fact secretly or openly HOPING for more 'power', more 'money', more of the luxuries of this world for oneself - and that this is the reason why we remain in HOPE: to 'justify' INACTION.
In this we serve only our fears, because "what if my luck turns and I am suddenly rich and wealthy, will I then still complain and want the world to change?"

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that HOPE is in fact how we 'justify' INACTION, it is an excuse, it is the 'reason' we create through the unreasonable fuzzy logic of our consciousness to explain 'why' we abdicate our self-responsibility and directive-power, 'why' we abdicate ourselves to mental projections of 'betterment' in spite of the evidence that the conditions in this world aren't getting any better.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that HOPE is also equal to the fear of calling someone out: If you have faith and hope in 'god' - you will not question 'god', you will not call him out and ask why inequality and the exploitation of life is allowed seemingly without consequence, because "what if God exists and I get punished for questioning him, for not following him in good fate? Who am I to call out God! I am just a human! I have faith, I have hope, that's all I can do!" – Really?

Just like we justify placing faith, belief and hope in some invisible entity 'out there' that somehow makes promises for our salvation and has great plans for some eternal life in some afterlife: in the same way we place faith, belief and hope in the money-system, the education system, the media, science and technology and all systems of this world - as if 'THEY' have all the answers while we are "just human" and thus apparently unable to ask the questions in common sense and get the answers that will reveal to us the name of the game and how things in fact function and operate in this world-system.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world-system where we glorify the one point that promises to fulfil our personal, particular desires that are in fact rooted in our fears - and so we place our hope = we place ourselves: in the hands of that one point, be it 'god' or the money-system as profit and status, or science and technology as anti-age, rejuvenation, reputation, or a relationship/a marriage as 'safety' and 'security' and the 'approval' that we are somehow 'special'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that HOPE is always connected to self-interest, and self-interest is always based in fear, and fear is always based in accepted 'inferiority', and so we subject ourselves to the systems of this world while we consume whatever comes our way in our path of 'ascension' as we try to become 'better', add to our 'value', be 'more than’ and 'superior' to that nagging feeling inside that's telling us we're 'not good enough' - yet we never question where that perception of 'not good enough' comes from, we never allow ourselves to see that it is through our own acceptance and allowance that we in fact become 'less' than what we can be because we do not have the courage to live in self-honesty and stand-up to no longer accept limitation, no longer accept the exploitation of life, no longer accept the enslavement of mankind, individually or collectively.


I commit myself to sharing the common sense that HOPE is a mental construct that traps us in inaction while we wait for something apparently 'more than' us to bring forth the changes we want to see in our world.

I commit myself to investigating all points in which I place HOPE into - so that I may stop the abdication of self-responsibility and make a stand to be the directive principle within myself and my life, no longer waiting for others to change before I change.

I commit myself to giving up all HOPE, as I realize that only when 'all hope is lost' are we in a position to stand-up and make a difference.

I commit myself to bringing-forth a new world system that will not sell HOPE and empty promises, but will be based on the actuality of reality so that we may practically address all issues of humanity in a way that will support all life equally and will restore our planet earth so that we may all have a home where dignified life is made possible.



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 18 May 2012, 09:54

Bella's Journey to Life Day 33: Hope is Dope

While I was looking at the point of HOPE, a song from the 80s popped up in my head saying "I want a place to stay .... make my day...", and it did ring a bell in terms of what HOPE is/has been in my life.

This point of HOPE is one that exists as a consciousness construct throughout all our relationships: wherever we are not satisfied with the current state of affairs, hope comes up, and we start projecting future scenarios of 'betterment', 'ascension' or 'salvation'. Within that, everything revolves around oneself, one is the hero (whether victor or victim) of the mental movie projected as HOPE.

Seldom do we take into consideration the actual physical laws of cause and effect to understand how we came to be 'where we are' in the present, why we stand where we stand, and what the practical consideration would be that one has to look at in order to actually take on the point in self-honesty and self-responsibility, to be the one that brings forth a correction, a solution, a resolution, while walking through the manifested consequences of oneself and one's own creation.

As I was looking at the point of HOPE and bringing it back to self, what I saw is that I’ve known the experience of ‘Hope’ since I can remember. Looking at my present experience of myself - as I have described it in several previous blogs where I wrote about my relationships with people and groups, my experiences at school and later on in the world system, how I isolated myself based on rebellion and protection-mechanisms and how I found myself ending-up alone with no place to call 'home' - I can see that this pattern, this experience goes back a long way to where I was a child. I was always looking for a place to harbour me, since I was perceiving and defining myself as a castaway, an outcast, a misfit. So that became my HOPE, my projected ‘fulfilment’: finding a place I can call ‘home’.

These words already reveal the separation accepted and allowed, wherein “finding a place a can call home” becomes a point to ‘pursue’, thus a projection, a point to be ‘fulfilled’ somewhere out there in some future through some ‘miraculous’ events, relationships, factors.

What I slowly but surely started doing/applying as I was growing up, is trying to get that 'home'-feeling within relationships, but - as I described in several blogs on this point before - I did that within a bubble of separation from everything else, as I was projecting my hopes and desires onto that one relationship, expecting myself to be ‘fulfilled’ by another within it, not acknowledging that it is my responsibility to create a 'home' for myself, AS myself, within how I live and participate in my world.
It's as if I remained that little girl that is looking for a loving parent, a friend, a cosy place to be carefree – but I did nothing substantial to actually develop, establish and manifest this for myself.

That is the challenge that everyone is facing. To see and acknowledge the points we separate ourselves from, the points we abdicate our responsibility for, creating ‘hopes’ and ‘desires’ that inevitably result into fears of not getting what we want – let alone the fact that what we want mostly revolves around the “I” of self-consciousness and rarely involves and includes the entirety of existence of which we are an equal creator.

So, the tricky thing about HOPE is that it is a point of separation from oneself. How? By the mere fact that hope is a projected desire waiting to be ‘fulfilled’, and so self is abdicating the responsibility for one's reality HERE and NOW, and instead remains inactive, waiting and hoping.

Therefore, as long as HOPE exists as a projection of one's desires being fulfilled somehow in the future through external factors: self is not taking directive responsibility but exists in self-abdication and self-compromise.

As long as HOPE exists, self is refusing to realize the self-directive power to determine and direct one's reality through the practical accumulation of ‘who I am’ within ‘how I live’ into an outflow/consequence that will dignify self, and that will place self in a position where one can be ‘fulfilled’ as ‘who I am’ and ‘how I live’, satisfied that one is in fact learning the lessons life is indicating and is accordingly aligning oneself as the solution in self-equality and oneness, to not have to re-create the same patterns or repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Such self-fulfilment will not only redeem oneself, but will have an outflow/consequence that is supportive of life as all as one as equal.


So in order to take back one's power and be fully directive in the Here, in the actuality of one’s reality, one has to let go of Hope.

To let go of Hope, first it is to see, describe and identify what it is that we hope for. Letting go of all Hope opens the door to realizing how we keep ourselves from standing-up and bringing forth the change we want to see. What fears are you allowing to determine your action and non-action; what (self-)definitions are you accepting to limit and bind you; what desires are you following that keep you trapped in certain lifestyles that do not allow self to expand, express, self-realize, be the directive-principle in full self-responsibility?



I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that willing myself to look at what my HOPE entails: is actually revealing to me a whole lot about my accepted ‘self-definitions’, about what I’ve allowed myself to think and believe about myself, about how I see myself, about where I place myself as seemingly ‘inferior’ and ‘unable’ thus ‘hoping’ for external factors to ‘fulfil’ me and ‘enable’ me to LIVE.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create Hope by looking into the future and imagining scenarios of 'betterment' that will apparently put an end to my current ‘miserable existence’ – instead of investigating whether that which I define as ‘miserable’ is in fact so, why I’ve defined it so, and how I got myself to that state in the first place;
because realizing and understanding How I created what is here now within myself/my experience of myself: is the key to stopping that creation and taking responsibility for the required ‘correction’ and self-change.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I follow Hope, I am not allowing myself to be fully self-directive within my reality Here in every moment, because I am trapping myself in projections rooted in desires and fears, thus giving permission to fears and desires within and as consciousness to direct ‘who I am’ in separation from myself and to determine what I will follow in the pursuit of 'fulfilling my desires' –

instead of looking at and realizing what it is that I’ve accepted and allowed to keep me from living who I really am in full self-responsibility, how I have created my fears and desires and thus ‘hopes’ in the first place, how I have brought myself into the position I currently find myself in, and therefore what it is I must let go of in order to set myself free and give myself the opportunity to stop all self-compromise and live that which will support me, that which will strengthen me, that which will allow me to grow and express and expand to my fullest potential.



I commit myself to bringing all points of ‘hope’ back to myself – so that I may see where and how I am abdicating self-responsibility, so that I may stand-up and take self-responsibility for all points I have separated myself from and projected ‘out there’ ‘hoping’ for their ‘fulfilment’ by something/someone in separation from myself.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that Hope is only keeping us in bipolar loops of expectation/desire and disappointment/fear, and that while we allow ourselves to be thrown back and forth in polarities of the mental: we fail to see that we are wasting time and breath, missing the opportunity to stand-up and stop the self-abdication, missing the opportunity to stand-up and take self-responsibility to bring forth real change in the physical reality here.

I commit myself to stopping myself from projecting my fears and desires as expectations onto others/my world – so that I may take full responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to investigate my fears and desires in detail, to see what they are showing me about myself: so that I may take back the power I’ve been abdicating to fears and desires and HOPE in the mental; so that instead of allowing myself to be driven and determined by ‘my fears and my desires’, I become my own driving-force in self-honesty, as I bring all points that I’ve separated myself from back to myself, to amalgamate Here as one and equal as ‘all of me here’ and stand-up in integrity, self-dignity, self-respect.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that as long as we hold on to personal ‘hopes’, we remain in inaction and equally allow the world to remain in inaction and hold on to ‘hopes’ for a better future – while it is in fact ‘who we are’ and how we co-exist that creates this world. Therefore, WE are the ones to create the future, either through self-directive action/change in self-responsibility OR through the consequences of our acceptances and allowances as the result of our inaction and abdication of responsibility.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that if we truly want LIFE to be the value our existence is based on, we firstly have to investigate how we abdicate our right to life – so that we may give it to ourselves, give it to each-other, and find practical ways of creating a new system of co-existence that will be based on the value of life and thus will value and support all life equally. Then our world will truly be a place we can all call HOME.



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 18 May 2012, 19:59

Bella's Journey to Life Day 34: Moving-Pictures in a Picture-World | Interpretation of Reality is Not Reality


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see that the way we have manifested our existence, we are merely moving pictures in a picture world; where from the moment we begin to think, we begin to form an idea, an image about/of ourselves based on the feedback we receive from our environment:
We learn to define things based on the pictures shown to us and the interpretations given to them that create an energetic experience between ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ - and in the same way we create an image of ourselves in our mind, a picture of “me”, and attach to it the words and value-judgments we define ourselves by according to our interpretation of the energetic experiences we become aware of within our environment.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is from that one picture of “me” as what I've defined myself to be, the limitations I accepted, the judgments I've created about myself and my world and accordingly my perception of myself in the world – it is from that one picture that we then form our wants, needs and desires, in a quest to make that one picture 'the best', make it ‘complete’.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a picture of myself as self-image, onto which I attach judgments and evaluations based on which I then form my wants, needs and desires in a quest to 'perfect' and ‘complete’ that image - instead of realizing that self-perfection is about who we are as life in fact, not about the picture we have of ourselves in our mind.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize to what extent I have limited myself and my personal expression and expansion due to the accepted limitations I have connected to the picture of "me" in my mind - within this sabotaging myself and accepting myself to be 'less than' who I really am and what I can be.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a 'picture' and within this to participate in my world as a 'picture' - a world that is mind-controlled through the pictures presented to us in connection with emotional stimuli to perpetuate our fears and desires and keep us enslaved to consumerism and the hope for personal freedom, personal happiness, personal salvation, while at the same time more than half the world exists in suffering without even the bare minimum to survive.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see that a picture is always connected to a feeling/emotion, an experience - and since feelings and emotions within the mind consciousness system are always based on polarity value-judgments, the same goes for the pictures we have of ourselves and our world: and so we approach ourselves and our world from a starting-point of judgment on a polarity-scale between 'positive' and 'negative', ‘superiority’ and ‘inferiority’, and from here we create our wants/needs/desires and equally our fears, and that is why and how we exist only in the pursuit of self-interest, trying to 'balance-out' the scale, the judgment, our self-image in a way that will apparently make us 'fulfilled', 'happy', 'valuable', ‘complete’.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this is the ultimate mind-control as self-sabotage, wherein we invalidate ourselves as human beings, as life, as self-willed individuals, and abdicate ourselves to a one-dimensional mind consciousness that keeps us trapped in an interpretation of reality in which we participate as if it were a game, ignorant to the consequences our existence has, both on ourselves as well as on the whole - this world-system, our existence.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the evolution of media as pictures is reflecting to us the evolution of ourselves as mind consciousness systems, wherein it's all about pictures and definitions and energetic experiences = the manipulation of reality through 'interpretation', 'definition', that is our 'education' through reward and punishment in all kinds of facets. And that is how we create our deception, our delusion, our addiction, our absolute zombie-state of existence and respectively the world as we know it - in spite of the evidence that mankind is trapped for eons of time in the same consciousness patterns and all we do is blame and seek revenge and pray for forgiveness and hope for salvation; with no consideration of self-responsibility, no realization of cause and effect, no regard for the context of our existence.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the nature of mind consciousness systems is manipulation –
Manipulation based in fear of not getting "what I want/need/desire" and therefore I must manipulate my reality to produce the result that will be "best for me" as “what I want” otherwise I will be a loser, and I can't be a loser, I must be a winner because otherwise I cannot accept myself, I cannot live, I cannot exist, I must get what I want.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that within existing as mind consciousness systems in self-interest and fear, we abdicate our right to life, as we disregard ourselves as life and do not live the courage to be self-honest in self-awareness as life, which would imply to consider what is best for life as our common interest, which is what is best for all, and that obviously within that, what is best for all is always best for me equally.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a world where most of us believe in some afterlife, yet throughout our lives we never for a moment stop to look at who we are as a being eternally; all we see of ourselves is that one picture which we allow to determine everything in our lives, as we define ourselves through and as that one picture, that is "me", that is how we see ourselves in our mind, and that is all we ever accept or allow ourselves to be.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through the definitions, views, judgments, feelings I have attached to that one picture of/as "me" - instead of stopping the game and looking at who I am as a being and whether I really want to accept and allow myself to be defined and determined by a picture, an image; or whether I make the actual choice to stand up and decide who I am and how I live in the context of the whole of existence as life.

I commit myself to investigating and disengaging through self-forgiveness all attributes I have confined myself within and as - so that I may stand as life, in self-honesty and self-trust, within and as 'man know thyself'.

Man know thyself –
Knowing who I am as a being, eternally, in self-honesty, and not as the knowledge I've accumulated in this world as the judgments, definitions, beliefs and bipolar energetic experiences as feelings and emotions - which is nothing more but the fears and desires of a mind consciousness system created as a 'picture', an 'image', through its 'education' by and acceptance of: this world as we know it; creating the ultimate enslavement of self and everyone else equally.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in a world where we each walk around from the starting-point of that picture as "me" in the mind: we cannot bring forth what is best for all, as we each only see self-interest –
Self-interest being the equation of one's own fears and desires that attempts to 'set' the world, one's reality, in such a way that it 'validates' and 'elevates' one's own existence only; in the mind.

Wow - is that really our reality? Yes it is. That is where all power-games emerge from, perpetuated through competition for the survival of the fittest, and within this we have manifested a money-system that does exactly that, a money-system that has become god in this existence as no one believes in anything stronger than one believes in the power of money;
money-system the status quo that seems unchangeable, money-system the dictator that determines the physical conditions of each and everyone in this world, money-system the god with the picture of money as the holy spirit and man the son of god that is accepting and allowing the exploitation of life for money as profit - and yet we do not stop, we do not bring the whole point back to self to look at who we are within the bigger picture.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense about the necessity to stop, and look within: Are we satisfied with the world we live in? Are we satisfied with ourselves? Are we really doing our best? Are we not perhaps all in one way or another comfortable or trying to be comfortable, while half the world exists in conditions that comfort no one in any way whatsoever!

I commit myself to stopping myself from walking around as a moving picture and changing my starting-point to be who I am as life, not who I am as image.


I commit myself to sharing the common sense that we have enslaved ourselves and each-other to energy as pictures: as pictures just like the picture of “me” are charged, motivated, defined, substantiated through energy as the experiences as emotions and feelings we attach to them; and they become just that – energy.
Energy being a bipolar movement that requires movement as friction to be maintained; the poles being the mental definitions between 'positive' and 'negative' that literally move the self-consciousness between 'emotions' and 'feelings', and that is exactly where we are trapped.

I commit myself to bringing forth a world where we really get to know things and ourselves equally. Because in this world, we learn words as we are shown a picture, attaching an experience to it as energy, creating a relationship of energy to ‘relate’ to when seeing this/such picture – and that is how our ‘reality’ is formed’.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that this is also how the systems of religion and spirituality function and operate, manipulating the consciousness of human beings with words and pictures and experiences attached to them, creating human beings’ fears and desires or using their fears and desires to create their wants, because their wants will already include ‘personal salvation, ‘personal freedom’, personal happiness, meanwhile if the religions of this world were for real in terms of having the interest of life as starting-point, they would already have come together and brought forth support and practical solutions for mankind to really be free: through self-responsibility and self-empowerment.
But of course the systems of religion and spirituality do not want man to be free; nor do any of the systems in our world. So we do we create ourselves sin the image and likeness of the system if we can already agree that the systems in place are not supporting life?

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that in the same way we create our definitions of things based on the words we learn with the pictures and experiences/emotions/feelings attached to them: we then start creating the picture of “me” as we try to define who we are within the bigger picture, while we are given nothing but the framework of the mind consciousness system to relate to and communicate through.


We are taking pictures of everything and everyone, giving it words and definitions and attaching experiences and feelings around it - do we really think this is how we get to know ourselves as who we really are or get to know another being for who they really are?

We try to make the pictures we take alive by giving them experiences and energetic feelings and emotions - that's how we try to make to ourselves real. But is it real?


I commit myself to sharing the common sense that we have come to exist as a picture, words, and energy - pictures filled with words and energy experiences:
Therefore it's only common sense that we must investigate the pictures we hold on to, the words we use, what definitions we have, what words influence us and how, and how our energetic experiences are created in the bipolar patterns within which we repeat ourselves infinitely, trapped in limitation, mental states, fear: ourselves -

so that we may set ourselves free from the inside out, and create a free society without mind-control, without manipulation, without the exploitation of life based on belief-systems of separation.

Life is not belief.
Life does not need belief.
Life is not the projection of some 'afterlife'. Life is Here.


I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness on and letting go of all the feelings and emotions I have attached to the picture of "me" - as I realize that the definitions I hold of myself limit who I am and create my desires and fears, imprisoning me into the mind in this physical reality to be just that: a picture with attached definitions that create the experience of “me”.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that if we want to get real and discover what is real - we'd better make ourselves real to begin with; no longer accepting and allowing the definitions and attributions we've pictured ourselves as to determine who we are and what we can be.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense about the necessity of 'man know thyself' - so that we may understand how we got to be where we are today, how we manifested ourselves as who we are today and our world as we know it;
because it is only from that understanding as self-insight and consideration of the context within which we exist: that we are able to bring forth the change that will dignify life as ourselves and everything that is here.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that comparison and competition must be abolished from our existence and that we require a total evaluation and transformation of our education systems and parenting systems;
because the need for comparison and competition exists and is accepted only when we are not accepting ourselves as life, when we do not value ourselves as life, which we don't: We have allowed fake 'gods' as pictures and images to be our values, and so we have become fake - we have become just a picture in a picture world. In our mind.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that if we really want to LIVE and bring forth LIFE in this existence: we’d better get out of the picture, stop the mind-control, stop the limitations and enslavement we are accepting both within and without, and make ourselves real as life.

I commit myself to sharing the tools of making ourselves real - which is the tools of practical common sense, self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-corrective writing and practical application of the change we want to see in our world; this from the starting-point of and aligned with oneness and equality, which implies equal responsibility of ALL for the whole, as self-willed EQUALS in ONE world, one reality.



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 19 May 2012, 18:51

Bella's Journey to Life Day 35: Debunking Fear of Change


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resist change.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to walk life unconditionally - unconditionally meaning: without imposing 'my rules' and 'my laws' of what 'I know' onto reality, expecting reality to unfold 'my way' so that I can feel 'safe' and 'secure' and 'in control'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fear of change is a 'justification' of who I am as the mind in an attempt to remain 'in control' - when in fact I do not have 'control' over anything, but the illusion of control that is perceived when I hold on to my 'knowledge and information' and the self-definitions I have accepted and allowed about myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the only control I have is self-control as who I am / how I direct myself in every breath, one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that 'man know thyself' is not about holding on to some 'knowledge' about who self is or about controlling the information that I've been in-formed as -
instead, ‘man know thyself’ is about walking every moment unconditionally in self-intimacy (into-me-I-see) as I am here, responding to the actuality of each moment as it is here, in self-honesty;
self-honesty being the awareness of me as who I am in every moment within the context of the whole as life, taking into consideration cause and effect and the consequence/outflow/accumulation of my participation/interaction.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I hold on to my self-definitions, judgments, knowledge and information of the past: I cannot respond to every here moment in the context of the actuality of the moment as I am not here, but trapped in the mind of the past, limited and defined by ‘MY’ knowledge and information and thus unable to consider or regard anything beyond that box of knowledge and information as ‘ME’.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that change is here in every moment, with every breath, and that fear of change is in fact fear of life, fear of self, fear of living and unconditionally participating in what is here within and as actual evolution in self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that stability of self as self: is developed and established through self-trust and self-honesty in every moment, through remaining Here within/as breath while I walk with what is here in every moment, re-birthing myself with every new breath and walking the change and transformation of the system I have become.
And thus, while I am changing and transforming myself, while I am stopping my past conditioning and limitation and re-creating myself, I am at the same time realizing that I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow: as I am here as the directive principle of myself, making sure I am making my decisions and choices based on practical common sense and self-honesty as life = living what is best for all, and thus what is best for me as life, as all as one as equal;
And thus, equality and oneness becomes the one principle as stability of me as me in every breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fear is a creation of the mind as a protection-mechanism designed to ensure the mind's survival and self-preservation of the systematic persona that it is.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only the mind as ego exists in fear – fear of loss, fear of survival, fear of defeat, fear of death;
Life does not exist in fear, as Life is beyond what we call 'life' and 'death' - yet who we are is not yet equal to Life as we are desperately holding on to fear of survival /loss /death, defining ourselves through the mind as personalities, beliefs, judgments, definitions - while we disregard ourselves as life, disregard our human physical body, disregard the breath that sustains us, and have in fact separated ourselves from what is real to such an extent that we are not even aware of ourselves breathing, of our body functioning, of our cells communicating, of our atoms spinning, because we are trapped in the false 'kingdom of heaven' in the mind, pretending to be 'god' and imposing our ill will onto the physical to satisfy desires of the mental while we disregard the actual needs and necessities the physical requires for a truly healthy life within and without.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the condition of our earth and our world-system as we witness it day in and day out throughout history: is showing the devastating effects caused by our conditioned existence as mind consciousness systems in separation from life; and that as we accept ourselves to play 'god' in our heads while disregarding and abusing the physical to satisfy the lust and greed of the mind: we allow the money-system to play 'god' in the world while disregarding and abusing earth's resources in the name of profit.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that both within and without: separation, fear and greed are the driving forces we have allowed to dictate our existence; and so we exist in self-interest both within and without, manifesting inequality and abuse, complaining about our leaders and governments and blaming each-other pointing fingers and seeking revenge - but never for a moment do we stop to consider OUR role within the whole, and that the whole is merely reflecting back to us the true nature of who we are and what we have become, individually and collectively.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within a world existing in blame: everyone is abdicating their responsibility to someone or something else, in separation from oneself - and no one is actually standing-up to say ‘enough is enough’, 'till here and no further, let us stop the blame, stop the power-games and get together in self-responsibility to find practical ways to bring this world into a functioning way of life that will be best for all life in all possible ways.
Desteni is the only group of people coming together to express and implore exactly that: that if we do not stand together as One group of Equals = as Life: humanity stands no chance of surviving the consequence we have manifested, the consequence we have all equally accepted and allowed through inaction, ignorance, arrogance, greed, the abdication of responsibility through blame and our endless waiting and hoping for 'others' to change first before we even consider letting go of our comfortably numb ways to make a difference.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that fear always indicates self-interest - and that as long as we hold on to self-interest we will exist as mind consciousness systems enslaved to fear in separation from life, enslaving ourselves and each-other to a system of fear, mind-control, inequality and abuse.



I commit myself to sharing the common sense that no one is free until all life is free.

I commit myself to investigating where and why I still hold on to fear, where and why I resist change – so that I may let go of the accepted limitation and self-compromise and will myself to expand towards and as life, no longer accepting or allowing fear to direct my existence and determine my decisions.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that by waiting and hoping we are merely ‘weighting’ ourselves furthermore, as we trap ourselves in cycles of denial, refusing to see our responsibility for life, refusing to start directing the change we want to see in the world – and that as long as we wait for others to change first, as long as we wait for leaders and governments to bring forth the change we are hoping for: we are abdicating our responsibility and our right to life.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that the right to life is by birth given to all equally, thus the systems we create must also give the right to life to all equally;
yet to begin with and to break through the chains of control that this world-system imposes onto each and every one: we have to GIVE ourselves the right to life and stand-up to investigate what each one can do in every breath to spread awareness of our responsibility and the common sense that WE are the ones we’ve been waiting for –

so that we may bring forth a system that gives the right to life equally to all and practically cares for all life from birth to death so that no single being has to suffer, struggle or exist in fear; and within this, it is common sense that the ones that are stronger, more intelligent, more powerful within the current world-system: hold the bigger responsibility for the whole – therefore it is up to us, who have some money in our pocket, a bank account and internet access, to care for and ensure a dignified living with equal access and equal power even for those that live at the brink of extinction;

to equalize knowledge, resources and participation, and thus equalize power through equal money within a system of Equality that will truly manage our world as the Oneness that it is.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that we are All Here on this Earth as our Common Ground with Life as our Common Interest – and thus Life is the one value we must regard the highest and give it to all equally, so that we may transform our society from inequality and abuse to equality and support for all life, including our planet.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that those that fear change are those that refuse to let go of what they have accumulated at the cost of life – yet in self-honesty even those can see: they too exist in fear; and that a system of equality and oneness that will be best for all – will also be best for them.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that fearing equality is in fact the fear of losing control, yet in the current system of money as ‘god’ no one is really in control forever – otherwise the elite would not exist in fear.

I commit myself to sharing the common sense that an equal money system does not have to mean equal minimum for all – after all, money is what we make it, and without the agreement of man money is just paper, metal, numbers. Therefore we can come to a new agreement as humanity, giving money the value of life and transforming our systems to actual life-support, and within that we can all live in wealth and abundance in ways that support our physical existence and ourselves as physical beings.




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