Bella's Journey to Life

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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 31 Mar 2015, 23:13

542 | Creatures of Habit

I was reading Addictive Habits on Activist’s Journey to Life [1]
<<...habits are quite similar to addictions: it's something you do over and over. You are often driven by a compulsive need (though with habits it's not experienced with that same intensity). It is something that you have done so often that it is now automatic - you don't even have to think about doing it>>

which reminded me that some days ago I’d wanted to share some thoughts on The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck [2]
<<If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you — your ex-girlfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another 2-for-1 sale on hand sanitizer — chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate fuck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand sanitizer.
…In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care.
…Essentially, we become more selective about the fucks we’re willing to give. This is something called ‘maturity.’ It’s nice, you should try it sometime. Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.>>


Well, the things we ‘give a fuck about’ are interesting enough to look into. Let’s see –

We start with learning how to give a fuck about what everybody else thinks about us (how to be cheered and not get scolded), we go on with learning how to give a fuck about what we wear, how we look and what impression we make on everybody else (whether we are liked and validated in the fucks we give a fuck about) – and if we’re lucky something ‘happens’ at some point in our lives that makes us wake up and realize that everything we’d given a fuck about was really just bullocks in our head and that there are much more serious and REAL stuff out there –which is bluntly put right HERE– to give a fuck about.
What we CARE about – what we ‘give a fuck’ about – really does say something about who we are. It does in fact say a LOT about who we are.

And since we’re talking in the context of habit and addiction, have you ever looked at your thoughts and reaction patterns, your habitual ‘way of going about things and reacting to things’ and how you repeat the same things over and over, and the way it all seems ‘so normal’, it all seems to be things you just HAVE to think, or say, or do, it just WANTS/NEEDS to come out…? Yep, those are the very habits that inhabit you, you have created them, but to begin with they were the very things you shouldn’t have given one fuck about. But alas upon our entrance into this world the system starts bombarding us with impressions, imprints, woes and ways and coping mechanisms. We watch and copy, there is no other way to make sense of and fit into this ‘adult world’. And we end up addicted to our own thoughts and reaction patterns, our own fears and desires, most of them unreal, irrational, yet we follow them, we validate the fuzzy logic in justification, and rest in self-righteousness. Right? Right. The human nature has been carefully formed and crafted, and today we have the ‘human condition’, the world as we know it.

Human nature, human condition – are they perhaps one and the same? Should we perhaps look more into and see: the conditioned nature of the human for what it is, a product, a construct, the result of systematic equations…

I’ll leave you with these question marks at this point, more in this context in the next post.


[1] http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... abits.html
[2] http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck#osaJF3:AcdA



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 31 Mar 2015, 23:15

543 | Just because you’re a Slave doesn’t mean you have to Suffer

Continuing in the context of my previous post, Creatures of Habit …

I chose this title for this post –Just because you're a Slave doesn't mean you have to Suffer– because I find that a) we ‘suffer’ too much in our minds, in our head bubbles, which prevents from giving a real fuck about the actual suffering that exists in our world, and b) yes we are all enslaved within the current world system however if we do not rise above the misery of self-victimization and self-indulgence we stand no chance of changing our existence into freedom and peace and ending slavery once and for all.

So. There. We have it.

In this same context, an article I read the other day made me think about SOCIETY in general. What is shown in [1] The Likely Cause of Addiction has been Discovered and it is Not What You Think –i.e. how the environment and the individual experience within it effects behavior– applies also to all kinds of abuse, violence, or failure, which are all a form of disenfranchising.

Creating our world, our HUMAN SOCIETY, as a responsible and supportive environment is now as vital as ever.
Our FUTURE depends upon what we will accept and allow, and what we will create-, and our future cannot be ‘saved’ unless WE humans stand-up in awareness, connect and work together, as LIFE.

In the same way that we understand ourselves as products of our environment, we must see the necessity of creating an environment that will enable a new, self-corrected way of life and living to emerge, organically so. A new living environment will allow for a new human being to emerge – but we must BE the change we want to see. In empowering ourselves we empower our own lives and living, which in turn touches the lives of the people we meet, empowering them to empower themselves. We have to EMPOWER our people in order to empower our world. We have to EMPOWER our legal, monetary, and social systems by transforming them such that they EMPOWER LIFE. Life should not be here to serve them. Instead, we must create our systems to serve LIFE!

If each living being would live their full potential as life - wouldn't this be heaven on earth? We can stop creating addiction, we can stop creating scarcity, we can stop creating fear, we can stop creating control institutions to lead us, ‘protect’ us from ourselves and each-other. We can instead lead ourselves and each-other in the wisdom of life as the highest value, in oneness and equality as life.

Equality and oneness is a principle that is also coming through in the evolution of the internet, which –even though it was initially created to further perpetuate the propaganda that keeps the human divided and conquered– has failed to veil the truth of our existence. Everything is here, in our face, so let's face it. You and me, WE are the ones CHANGE depends upon, let's be the change we want to see – every breath counts and is a building block of the future. What we do does make a difference, so let’s make every moment count for life – in the name of life.


Relevant read:
Living Income to Cure the World of Crime http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot. ... ld-of.html

[1] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-ha ... 06936.html



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Bella
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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 30 Apr 2015, 22:40

544 | Embrace yourself, empower yourself

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to embrace myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that to embrace myself, I have to embrace ALL of me.
To bring all of myself HERE, I have to bring HERE the information that is me – that is in words, concepts, personalities, mind mechanisms, emotional patterns, experiences and reactions, self-definitions – which all of that together defines and determines ‘me’, my life path, my living application, my accepted limitations, all the ideas and beliefs I hold about myself and how I perceive my life – all that is solidified and automated as ‘who I am’ and how I experience myself and my life.
Who I had become throughout how I have responded to and interpreted reality through my mind, was a person in ‘survival mode’.

In that context, responded in fact implies reacted. To truly respond to reality would be to respond in awareness.
What I have described above however, is the human being in unawareness, the human condition – the human being as a system tool, a puppet, a product, a system in itself. All the concepts, personalities, mind mechanisms, emotional patterns, experiences and reactions, self-definitions we entertain – are all products of systems.

Human consciousness systems are based on separation, fear, and self-interest. Human consciousness systems are rooted in polarity, traditionally perpetuating inferiority and superiority complexes as if that were common sense.
Hell, all common sense is twisted through our systems of ‘education’, through the indoctrination and disenfranchising that is done or accepted and allowed.

To undo the world as we know it, we need to dig deep into the fabric of our existence.

Diffusing the separation is one step (and even that is a process in itself), but then we gotta keep on moving beyond fear and through the veils of the mind/system; to transcend the separation and the inferiority/superiority energy in moments real-time, by walking ourselves out of the mind-trap/system/trap and transforming fear and self-interest into LIVING in the interest of life. We must become the life force – as we embark on this journey of self creation in awareness, as life. In this we can indeed create a better world, create our ‘system’ in awareness, considering EVERYTHING that is here, we can bring forth a way of life that is sustainable, that is best for all, that supports life and the value of life as such.

We must start with ourselves.


…to be continued, also looking into ‘why’ I hadn’t allowed myself to embrace myself, or what was keeping me from fully embracing this life…


Relevant message: Embracing Self - by Bernard Poolman



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 30 Apr 2015, 22:41

545 | Embrace yourself, empower yourself - Part 2

Continuing from part 1
<<To undo the world as we know it, we need to dig deep into the fabric of our existence.
Diffusing the separation is one step (and even that is a process in itself), but then we gotta keep on moving beyond fear and through the veils of the mind/system; to transcend the separation and the inferiority/superiority energy in moments real-time, by walking ourselves out of the mind-trap/system/trap and transforming fear and self-interest into LIVING in the interest of life. We must become the life force – as we embark on this journey of self creation in awareness, as life. In this we can indeed create a better world, create our ‘system’ in awareness, considering EVERYTHING that is here, we can bring forth a way of life that is sustainable, that is best for all, that supports life and the value of life as such.
We must start with ourselves.>>


We’ve been reacting for too long. Reacting to the world ‘out there’, reacting to the system, to our parents or family, to our jobs, to our ‘place in the world’, to our own minds.
Humanity has been through a rough ‘civilization’ and had reached puberty when it got caught up in a state of tantrum-throwing, either pitying itself and succumbing to fear or losing itself in delusions of grandeur. Looking at the world and looking into our own minds – this is what we can see. A constant struggle, a constant ‘survival mode’, a constant conflict of interests, but no-where (other than where enforced through control and oppression) an authority, an accountable corpus. What we need and where we can lead ourselves to is authority as life. Embracing life as the highest value and standing by that principle of oneness and equality as life – our world and our system could be so much different, they could serve us all as life and we could have heaven on earth.
Instead we have hell on earth – and in the minds. A hell that can only exist in separation, a hell that can only exist where responsibility is feared and power is either abused or abdicated.

Yet at the same time more and more the people are coming together, working together, realizing power in interconnectedness and on common ground.

An excellent moment to look at any and all associations or images or energetic reactions in relation to the word POWER – and I’m sure each one reading this now is having their very own combination of reactions that gives the unique taste of how that word sounds to each one. Investigate those attachments, and explore what real power is, and how would power be defined in a world where life is no longer abused and exploited.

Let’s go back to where we started in the previous post – we started with EMBRACING: The power to embrace myself.
The power to embrace myself – such a simplistic statement, yet so deep, so powerful – stopping the separation of self and being THE ONE to empower yourself, empower your life, and make of it the best version of yourself and the fullest potential of life/living for you and your world – our world.

I shared in the beginning how I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to embrace myself. So why haven’t I allowed myself to embrace myself, all of me? Because there has been ‘parts of me’ that I had a reaction toward, that I had judged or feared or denied or suppressed… I had separated myself from embracing all of me, from getting to know and understand all of me, from taking responsibility for all of me. I realize this is a ‘path’ predesigned for everyone in this system. We ‘lose our awareness’, our purity, our self honesty and genuine curiosity and creativity quite early in life. It was designed this way.

Our challenge is thus to stop reacting to the system, stop reacting to our own design/lives; Our challenge is to change the design, to change the system – within ourselves and how WE live to begin with; taking this then ‘out into the world’ through the relationships we lead with people in our life … expanding and embracing life until humanity stands united as one, as life.

Sounds too way out? Not really, I mean practically each one need only live it in the context of their world and relationships; yet exponentially quantified, this will weave into the ‘way of life’ and transform the systems of our world, ideally into an organic collaboration and exchange or distribution network of LIFE.

Imagine all the people…living life in peace…yoo-hoo-woohoohoo…
Imagine yourself living in peace: what would it take?
And what are you waiting for?


...In the next post I will share more self forgiveness in deconstructing the system that keeps us from embracing ourselves and truly standing in our power as life.



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 30 Apr 2015, 22:42

546 | F.E.A.R. – Fail Early And Responsibly

Recently I’ve come to look at the point of ‘failure’ again, realizing that it’s been quite an ingrained system of self-experience that I had embodied early in life, without real awareness about what it was that I was accepting and allowing.
What I discovered, is that based on ‘past failures’ we tend to project similar scenarios into the future, more often than not ending up manifesting the very things we wanted to avoid – a self fulfilling prophecy that is.

It only takes a simple shift within self in order to change this point from something that ‘haunts’ you to something you can learn from and utilize to grow and flourish.
The shift from accepting ‘failure’ and allowing it to define you, to truly investigating what it is you had defined as ‘failure’ and why, based on what? The shift from self-judgment and emotional-reaction (e.g. “omg I’m such a failure” or “I’m never going to make it” or “this just won’t work” or “I don’t think I’m good enough” or “I’m not good at…”) to the simple question: What is it that I hadn’t yet developed that I can still explore/discover/apply? And how did I create the ‘failure’ experience?

Whatever the output from investigating that question, what you’ll find that it’s all just an emotional-reaction made-real into and as the living flesh, through acceptance and allowance, throughout time. It’s just a mind set lived into beingness. Yes, it takes a process to release it, you’ll have to forgive yourself, but the point is simplistic. The solution is that change/becoming comes from being – and therefore it is who and how I will BE in moments that will form and determine what will accumulate, what will flow out, what will be created. We create all the time. We either create in awareness, or we create through what we accept and allow. We either create as who we are as life, or we create as who we are as systems, based on fear/inferiority, or delusions of grandeur. Fascinating the power of emotions and feelings – because we give it to them. And have a look how the system is set to entice people through energy, through sensationalism, through emotions/feelings, through fear. You don’t know what you want. You don’t know everything you can be. The system/mind tells you who you are and what you can do and be. Through your own acceptances and allowances.

Most people (except from those born into positions of power and control) are born into survival; most people’s preprogramming throughout generations has been to fail or struggle to ‘make it’ or to be outcast or misfits… We are born into a world system and as children we are dependent on accepting everything ‘as is’. And our world systems are such that each one is driven to the utmost inner hardship (whatever that may be subjectively for each one) with one purpose only: to make people submit to the systems, submerge themselves to survival mode, and give up on living life’s potential, give up on making more out of themselves in exploring their utmost potential in life and thus the potential of this one world that we have in common, this reality we all share.


...to be continued



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 30 Apr 2015, 22:44

547 | F.E.A.R. – Fail Early And Responsibly - Part 2

Continuing from part 1:
<<Whatever the output from that question, what you’ll find that it’s just an emotional-reaction made-real into and as the living flesh, through acceptance and allowance, throughout time. It’s just a mind set lived into beingness. Yes, it takes a process to release it, you’ll have to forgive yourself, but the point is simplistic. The solution is that change/becoming comes from being – and therefore it is who and how I will BE in moments that will form and determine what will accumulate, what will flow out, what will be created. We create all the time. We either create in awareness, or we create through what we accept and allow. We either create as who we are as life, or we create as who we are as systems, based on fear/inferiority, or delusions of grandeur. Fascinating the power of emotions and feelings – because we give it to them.>>

A cool practical perspective that came through in a recent discussion and that is relevant here:

<<in relation to the deep emotional experiences - been there myself in the past, you have to PRACTICE the stability and the movement until it becomes you, the energy [experience] is going to keep on coming because that's been your instruction to the energy your whole life, so now you gotta practice in this new instruction of stability and movement - let that be your goal, when the energy overtakes, remember the goal of stability and start pushing yourself quicker out of the emotional possessions>>



I often had to remind myself that it's my mind making an elephant out of an ant, and so my job is to identify the ant and give it direction as myself.
Sometimes it was really like schizophrenia lol meaning that I sometimes had to wonder: how come I can be confident sometimes and not confident other times? And what I’d find was a moment of reaction or of a thought, which was ‘accepted’ and taken out of proportion and used/abused in the mind through my allowance to 'validate' self-definitions of failure or inferiority or ‘not good enough’ etc. Or I’d find a point of comparison where I was basically comparing apples and pears. I’d definitely find self-judgment.

So it’s in those/such moments (when I make a problem a problem by going into a reaction about it, instead of seeing direct and finding the solution/direction) where I see this preprogramming kicking in - and then I know okay it’s just my design, it’s my preprogramming trying to ‘follow its course’, but it is not what I want for me, for my life, and so I can handle accordingly. I had to (and still do) teach myself to ‘handle accordingly’ in moments, and it mostly entails slowing down, grounding myself and willing myself to see things for what they are, re-minding myself of my process and my self-commitment. Within this, I can embrace myself and take full responsibility for me – because it’s then simply about: what have I developed and can trust myself with, and what have I not yet developed; who/what I have created myself to be/live and what I have not yet created myself to be/live.

In my preprogrammed design I had conditioned myself into self judgment and self punishment, ending up in abyss-like states where I’d feel like the world was ending and like I was completely powerless and hopeless, a complete failure. High idealism and expectations obviously did not help on the way.
Again and again I found what was said many times in process - it's the SMALL moments that matter lol indeed the big moments are but the accumulation of smaller moments over time; and so I’m focusing on the ‘small’, on who I am in moments and how I relate and handle myself and my own mind.
And the ants no longer become elephants, or at least the elephant-bubble is more easily burst.

Clarity, consistency, perseverance – where there is a will there is a way. And so we walk.



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 20 May 2015, 15:27

548 | What keeps you from embracing yourself and living fully?


Expanding from my previous posts
544 | Embrace yourself, empower yourself
545 | Embrace yourself, empower yourself - Part 2
546 | F.E.A.R. – Fail Early And Responsibly
547 | F.E.A.R. – Fail Early And Responsibly - Part 2
I wanted to share some self forgiveness to assist in deconstructing the patterns and systems that keep us from embracing ourselves and living fully.

Obviously this has been a longer and deeper process for me – initially I had found thoughts and beliefs pertaining to how I’d see myself and my life as ‘failure’, while later on, as I went deeper, I found an entire ‘embodiment’ of the failure-construct within myself which was manifesting into and as a form of perception: how I would see myself and my life, how I would look at myself and my life – and I realized that there were many things that I hadn’t even considered as possible or as option for myself and my life, due to the very limitations of my own perception,
I am sharing the following self forgiveness in the hope that it may serve as inspiration for anyone reading this. So if in any way you’ve had in your life thoughts or experiences of ‘failure’ – this is for you.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look at myself as failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to moments of failure and to focus on those/such moments of failure, so much so that I’ve defined myself within that and made it ‘mine’.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my life, when recognizing a moment or point of failure, judge it and judge myself, within this perpetuating the failure and giving it substance, instead of utilizing realizations of failure constructively, to learn from it and move beyond it, to grow and expand.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as failure whenever my participation/expression did not meet the best I could be in that moment.

Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to (instead of slowing down and leading myself within my reality constructively) create projections as expectations or desires as a ‘standard’ to be fulfilled or attained or achieved for me to not ‘feel like’ a failure.
So within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in ‘morality’, a mental polarity of ‘success and failure’, where I have existed in doubt and uncertainty, in a form of inferiority, not yet fully living and expressing self leadership, not yet leading myself to my full potential in every moment.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to struggle within and against myself in a mental realm of polarities.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make an emotional and judgmental reaction out of failure – a reaction which had become the way that I saw myself and my life, within this limiting myself and my life to be exactly that: a ‘failure’, through my own acceptance and allowance, through how I myself had related to moments of failure.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suffer – ‘myself’ being my body and being, who I really am as life; that self of life was suffering, it was hurting and starving, because I didn’t take care of it, I didn’t take care of myself, I had not allowed myself to live constructively.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist the life in me – to fear change, to ever need a ‘comfort zone’, to suppress my full expression, my full potential, in a mode of ‘justifying failure’ and ‘fighting for my limitations’.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that ‘failure’ is integrated into the world system as such, and that everybody is fighting their own struggle to ‘make it’, but really – neither submitting to ‘failure’ in negativity nor ‘flying high’ through positive thinking is pragmatic – as in both cases you play the game. And clearly: this polarity game must stop for real self empowerment to emerge.

So how did I go about after such realizations? I defined my values and principles, I recognized my value and potential as life, and I decided to redefine success to not be of a polarity system but of real self-willed evolution in awareness. I refuse to see myself as failure. I refuse to accept failure as an option. This ‘image’ I have had of my life as ‘failure’ has a history, its own story, but in the end it’s just that: an image, a perception, a belief. Don’t let it be an embodied consciousness, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life is so much more. I am so much more. We are so much more. Finding the decency of self empowerment, really, that’s the best gift each one can give to themselves, and as we give it to ourselves we spark it in others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘failure’ to fear.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as failure.
Yet I am the one accepting this ‘image’, regardless where it comes from.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as ‘failure’, and to pity myself and to get angry and to feel powerless and helpless, all the while I am the one allowing this/such ‘image’ of ‘me’ to exist within me, in my mind and body, as fear, as self-definition, as attitude toward life/living – it is atrocious – and only when I stop this ‘crime against life’ that is in me, as me, only when we stop valuing ourselves and each-other in means that are mean – will we stop the atrocities of humanity on earth.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep parts of myself suppressed, denied, or in any way in separation from my awareness, from ME HERE.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist bringing all of me HERE to take responsibility for and lead/direct as in: self-create.

Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have judged or feared or resented and loathed parts of myself –either because they ‘cause’ a certain experience of myself or because they ‘validate’ certain negative/inferior self-definitions that I had accepted.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts and beliefs about ‘who I am’ and what I ‘can do’ and ‘cannot do’ – and in fact there is much we cannot even SEE ourselves doing/being due to the VEILS of our accepted self-definitions – it is our own self-image that (through our acceptance and allowance) limits our ability to grow, expand, and be everything we can be!

Here I see the separation and also the ‘morality trap’ that exists within and as the mind as consciousness –where we can use ‘logic’ to in-form our justifications and excuses and make them sound ‘good’. Unfortunately such petty mechanisms are only ‘valid’ within the bounds of the fuzzy logic used to ‘make sense’ of our world in self-interest as ego in-fear, a ‘logic’ that is self made and made up to defend our limitations in our own MIND.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see and realize how we human beings walk around together in this world yet each of us separated into and as a bubble, a MIND SYSTEM that exists in fact in-fear, and thus inferior to the full life potential that each one can be.

So instead of seeing self-honesty and reality for what it is, we interpret the world and ourselves through ‘morality’ in the mind – all those judgments of right and wrong / good and bad (because I mean, if we really had clear judgment about what’s right and wrong / good and bad then this world and our existence here would be an entirely different story!), all those moments where we inferiorize or superiorize ourselves and others in our minds, while we fail to see our responsibility in the bigger picture or even to realize how we abdicate our power to systems of separation and devaluation, and that is in itself EVIL – because we abdicate our right to life and turn our back at the value of LIFE in fact.
I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see that EVIL is the opposite of LIVE, and that I haven’t yet fully questioned and explored what it means to LIVE.

If we would truly LIVE, if we were LIFE, wouldn’t we then create LIFE as our world, our existence in this reality?
Yet if we look at what we’ve been creating as humanity on earth, clearly it is the opposite of LIVE, it is literally evil, a crime against life: this is the world, the existence we have created.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be evil and exist as evil, where I have applied the ‘evil of the world out there’ within and toward my own mind, within and toward myself –
through accepted self-definitions, through accepted inferiority and through allowing myself to feel and be disempowered. Where I had often wanted to give up in relation to ‘how things are’ or ‘who I am’ as what I have become and how I was experiencing myself.
So that’s when I realized that I have to embrace myself, I have to embrace all of me. I had to LOOK at and look INTO everything that was coming up inside me, everything that existed ‘as me’ – to see, realize and understand how it came to be, how I’d been ‘to it’ in unawareness, what the consequences have been, how I have been part in its creation/evolution, and how I can embrace that ‘part of me’ (be it an emotion or mood, a belief or thought pattern, a self-definition or the general ‘view at life’ that each one has) and take RESPONSE-ABILITY for it as myself.


Many talk about STANDING UP. In the world system, this has been misinterpreted and misused as ‘rebelling’ –though that has had its ‘merit’ too throughout the history of human civilization–
when in fact Standing Up implies that we first have to stand equal to and one with the deepest ground of our ‘souls’ deep deep down inside and purify our existence, embrace the demons, understand our mind’s creation, see the correction/transformation required, and step in as Creators to live the change/correction into beingness, into creation, into reality. As within, so without – as above, so below.

We each exist both within and without; we are the above and the below.

I do hope this illustrates the responsibility we bear as human beings, toward ourself in the first place, and life as a whole.
I mean, things like decency, respect, honor, care and support – these things cannot infuse into our world systems unless they are birthed from within ourselves, individually and together.

I’m up for it and I’m pretty excited to live in these fascinating times where so much more is possible and where our future depends on our awareness and living application more than ever before – depends on our real nature to be GOOD, to BE LIFE, to LIVE and let LIVE, to create LIFE and THRIVE…

So what will it be?
You decide, as does each ONE – Be The One for YOU.



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Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 20 May 2015, 15:30

549 | What does Self Trust have to do with Failure?!

If you look into how you have defined Trust and/or Self Trust, I am certain you will find some emotional attachments to your definition, as I did.
For example things like ‘feeling safe’ or ‘feeling certain of…’ or ‘knowing’ and ‘being sure about…’ tend to be within our definitions of Trust / Self Trust; or things like ‘feeling confident about…’ or ‘feeling like I can rely on…’ and other perceptions and beliefs of the kind.

Even the dictionary definition is interesting in this regard:
: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

More:
1
a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed
2
a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope
b : reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered : credit <bought furniture on trust>
…So it’s interesting that Trust is defined within belief, and that words like reliance, hope (!) and dependence are used to define it…


So I walked a process in understanding and redefining TRUST as a matter of fact / reality, and here I’d like to share what I’ve come to see and realize:

-Trust is where something is physically measurable to be consistent over time.
-Trust is thus something that is built /developed over time.

-Trust is not a singularity – I can trust myself to do/be certain things, other things I cannot yet trust myself to be/do because I have not yet ‘done’/’been’ them. This doesn’t mean I can’t lol – what it does mean is that this is how trust is built/ developed: by consistently showing/’proving’ to myself that I can do this or be that, by living it in moments and creating it as myself; as every time I live it, a building block of self-trust in relation to that point is set, and so I accumulate self-trust step by step through consistency.

-Trust therefore exists in relation to something: I can trust this person/outcome to be like this/that (because I have ‘measured’ over time that this was ‘done’ so consistently).


If you read my previous posts
544 | Embrace yourself, empower yourself
545 | Embrace yourself, empower yourself - Part 2
546 | F.E.A.R. – Fail Early And Responsibly
547 | F.E.A.R. – Fail Early And Responsibly - Part 2
548 | What keeps you from embracing yourself and living fully?

then you’ll see (as I was able to see) that I had throughout my life placed trust in failure.
And therefore:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect trust to failure, wherein I would almost ‘expect’ myself to fail because that’s what I’d always perceived myself to be doing.

Therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when I faced failure, take it personally and be ‘disappointed’ with myself and create thoughts and emotional experiences about me being a failure; because that is the point that got systematized through repetition, through accepting and allowing myself to define myself as failure, to see myself as failure, to create the fear of being a failure and the desire to NOT be a failure, which obviously in itself implies the acceptance of failure to begin with.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand how trust functions, and how failure functions, and that I had placed myself under enormous pressure by trying to create trust in myself to ‘avoid failure’, instead of understanding How I can build /develop trust and how I can stop (re-)creating the experience of failure within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make ‘absolute statements’ to myself such as for example (as someone who hasn’t been very confident in socializing) – “living self trust is to trust myself to participate in a moment with other people”; where, if there comes such a moment in my world/reality and I do hold back, I’d then go into “oh no…”, which is undermining my self trust in fact – because I had made such an absolute statement that failure was in a way already programmed-in.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant experience and application of ‘trying’ – which in fact is always coming from a starting point of ‘lack’ or of ‘wrongness’, from which I was then ‘trying to do the right thing’ or trying to ‘fix’ things or to ‘avoid failure’. And this is in fact exhausting, on the one hand; and on the other hand quite consequential, because mostly: ‘trying’ to do/live something in fact prevents us from actually doing/living it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a want/need/desire to be more than who I am, from a starting-point of judgment and ‘lack’.


It’s okay to want to be more, but this must come as a genuine self realization point, where I see/recognize my full potential and realize there is so much more; this then would also entail looking at and recognizing my weaknesses and limitations and investigating where and how I am in fact limiting myself. Very often our full potential remains unlived due to the limitations and restrictions we have accepted about ourselves – therefore a major part of moving ourselves to live our full potential is removing/forgiving/letting go of the self-imposed or accepted limitations and restrictions, perceptions and beliefs, and REALLY looking at everything (including ourself) for what it is.

From this starting-point of self honesty then it becomes simply about seeing what it is that I have already developed, and what it is that I haven’t yet developed as myself;
and about making a decision about who I will myself to be, what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept or allow. And clearly, it is a wise decision to stop accepting the limitations we have systematically submerged ourselves to throughout our lives, be it due to cultural, educational, parenting or other systems we were exposed to in our formative years, and take responsibility for who we are and can be.



So back to the point of trust – Here you can ask yourself, by looking at your life thus far: What/who can I trust myself to be? What experiences do I trust myself to have over and over again? And what has been MY role in making this my reality?
And then also – What would I like to trust myself to be? How would I like to trust that my life will turn? And here it’s not about the projection details, but rather about the realization that: I reap what I saw, and therefore this is where the point of Trust is to be found. And so if I want to change what I reap (as experiences or expressions or life-moments and the ‘turn’ a life takes), then I need to change what I saw, i.e. how I participate and who I am in moments, ergo what I create.


A good friend once said to me: <<You cannot ‘fix’ things; you can only create what you are the master creator of.>>
Therein is the point of Trust.
What are you the master creator of? Have a look: You can already trust yourself with something – with all that which you’ve already been creating and re-creating, over and over again.

You don’t like it? You wanna trust yourself to be something more, something different, something better? Start here and now by forgiving any and all self judgment, any and all points of ‘lack’, of ‘inferiority’, of self-victimization. Take self responsibility. That is Self-Response-Ability. See your truth, see yourself as your creation for what it is – and look within yourself in self honesty to see your true potential. Start here and now, and realize that all creation is an accumulation process – that is how you have created what and who and how you are after all.


There are obviously more dimensions to the point of Trust and Self Trust –for further support perspectives and insights you can search these words on the eqafe site and also visit Self & Living– but start Here & Now to begin with, and ask yourself those questions; that alone is a powerful application of self trust.
And remember: every moment counts when it comes to what we are creating.

Discipline yourself to be consistent within what you want to create as yourself, as your life – and accept nothing less than your full potential, accept nothing less than who you really are as LIFE. It’s time to let the systems go.

For more support on this check out the desteni I process!



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Bella
Posts: 1708
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 03 Jun 2015, 21:23

550 | How I turned a Moment…

This one is about how I turned a moment...into a sleepless night lol

I wanted to share this in order to show how a seemingly small thought can have major consequences in its outflows –
and how we are also able to turn a moment into the BEST it can be for ALL participants in fact.

So a couple of weeks ago I was lying in bed with a question mark with regards to my partner, a point that I wasn’t clear about and which, in the best case, I would have wanted to clarify with him.
Instead, I got emotional as I was lying in bed, and I started thinking, I started wanting to 'sort it out' NOW – and suddenly thoughts of blame emerged together with the feeling of 'something is being done unto me' – and it went as far as me thinking about ending the relationship –
When I realized that obviously this is extreme and no solution at all.

I ended up not sleeping at all that night, even though I did realize I haver to let this go – I still couldn’t sleep. I will write about further consequences and realization in my next post, but for now the point I’d like to share is that -

I had in fact in a moment made the decision to follow the thoughts, I WANTED to think, I WANTED to 'sort this out NOW' – and I wanted to ‘be right’ about what was coming up in my mind – which of course was but one single dimension of an entire relationship, and of that only one side: mine.
It was also in one single moment that I had the following thought coming up and accepted it: I won't be able to sleep. I can't sleep. I must sort this out now.

But THINKING is a THIN KING, lol. So the moment took its turn on how I followed the thoughts in my mind – instead of directing them as me. It was one single moment's decision, in unawareness, through which I created that sleepless night for myself and all the emotional conundrum...

Here I wanted to share and show the consequences of a moment’s decision and how a moment can be ‘stretched out’ into a long moment of emotional-possession, where I ‘lost real-time’ and got myself ‘lost in the mind’, at the same creating consequential outflows in time, i.e. for the day after, both for myself/my physical condition and for my work/schedule... possibly even for the relationship I was thinking about, unless I direct the point and take responsibility in clarifying/purifying my own issues and, if required, having a conversation with my partner about what we need to look at and discuss – without blame, without emotional reaction, but in pure common sense and consideration of what’s best for all.

I will continue in my next post with how I later that day did finally manage to turn the moment into something good, something of value.



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Bella
Posts: 1708
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Bella's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 03 Jun 2015, 21:24

551 | Self-Empowerment or Disempowerment - A Moment's Decision

Continuing from 550 | How I turned a Moment…
(please read for context)

…So after that sleepless night I got ready for work early in the morning and went to take the train to my working place, when I started feeling quite weak. There was also a strike going on and because some of the public transportation was taking part in the strike, the remaining ones were so full that not everyone could take the next bus or tram but had to wait for the next or the next or the next…
Realizing how exhausted I had made myself, especially due to participating in an emotional reaction in my mind –which obviously had consequences for my physical body’s condition– I decided to cash in the consequence and go back home, rest or maybe try and get some sleep after all.

I couldn’t get any sleep, but after resting a bit, I looked again at what had taken place since last night – and I saw how I had in fact in one single moment made the decision to follow the thoughts that were coming up –
I WANTED to think, I WANTED to 'sort this out NOW' – I wanted to keep on thinking about it until it would be clear … though really, most of us do have the knowledge, through experience, about how things only get worse/more confusing when we only ‘think about’ them on our mind, instead of for instance either writing it out and giving it direction toward a solution OR talking about it with another person also from the starting point of understanding the problem to see the solution.

It was also in one single moment that I had made the decision in my mind that: I won't be able to sleep. I can't sleep. I must sort this out now. I continued thinking myself to exhaustion, and did not get anywhere – obviously.

Have you ever noticed how our thinking tends to move in cycles? We recycle the same thoughts over and over again – but real solutions do not come out of such thinking processes.
So here I was, sitting on my couch the morning after this sleepless night, realizing it was all indeed a moment's decision, in unawareness...

For a moment now, upon seeing this, I was like…Shit, I ruined my night, I ruined my day - there is so much work waiting for me at work, and I've fucked it up.

But I truly wanted to get things done. I had made the decision for myself that I’d like to finish all my projects at work before I start my holidays. I started checking my workplace emails and the work load was getting bigger and bigger, and I saw myself getting more and more stressed.
I really wanted my projects directive to be successful and I wanted to get the job well done, and so upon realizing that I was going into stress about it, I was like…OK, let me NOT go into this stress, let me see how to make the best out of this situation.

And in one moment, as I was looking into finding the best way to move forward with this, I "had an idea" = I saw the solution and I made the decision:
I will take this ONE point (the projects requiring my direction at my Job) and I will dedicate my day to this ONE point and I will make out of it a practice point –
I saw it as a great opportunity to practice 'project management', because here I was required to manage several projects at the same time.
So I decided that I am able to prepare the steps, take the time to prepare the timeline of what needs to be done for each project, see what I can already do/manage now, from home, and so prepare the way for the next day where I can go to work and get everything done, being clear about the steps that I need to take to complete each project.

Here, in ONE moment, with ONE single decision, ONE simple shift within myself – I turned from disempowerment where I felt overwhelmed and stressed with the volume of work to be done, to SELF-EMPOWERMENT where I decided to turn this into a fun practice that will benefit all and will support me in making the best out of the moment and in fact the best out of this day.
And so I turned the stress and anxiety into a cool practice point for myself in that moment, and it was amazing how my entire ‘mood’ and self-experience changed in ONE go. I indeed had a good time preparing everything as I had decided that I would, and next day I went to work with one A4 paper for each project, all steps written out, I could follow through and manage everything within exactly the time I had available.

I am sharing all this to show how we indeed have the CHOICE – one choice in every moment: to either go into disempowerment – where we make something or someone or a situation ‘more than’ self here; or self-empowerment – where we take self-responsibility and pull off the directive to make the BEST out of a moment, giving the BEST of ourselves.
To do this, we must practice stopping the mind, meaning: stopping the automated thought- and experience-patterns; and instead taking directive and truly making the BEST choices at any given moment. To do that, we need to practice REAL-TIME self awareness and take responsibility for our creations.




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