Adam’s Journey into Life

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Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 37: Keep you Head Up (2)

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... head-up-2/


This phrase came into my mind in connection to the discomfort of an automatic self programmed reflex in some of the muscles that act together practically to support and control the orientation of my skull. Being observant at the time of the movement of breath within my lungs and coming from an intention to ‘not interfere’ with breath, and to as far as possible stop myself as energetic turbulence within my mind, I noticed straight away this contraction in my neck, that then there was backchat starting up within my mind, and then the impulse in the muscle groups around my chest, to take control and move my breath.

So far, some self forgiveness on relationship to energy as me as fear towards myself as feeling and emotion, and some self forgiveness on relationship to energy as me as fear towards the world as others. Me as fear towards the inside and as fear towards the outside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the phrase of ‘Keep Your Head Up’ as a formula of ‘how to be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program in this fear of life as who I am into the very substance of the tissue of my body and then to have blamed the action of this substance in its loyalty to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program hope into me as a polarity of fear, through the phrase ‘Keep Your Head Up’, in which keeping my head up involves ‘looking on the bright side’, ‘looking to the future’, in which I have accepted not to be here at all but in an expectation of a future of positive energy experience in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘above it all’ in ‘keeping my head up’, that in protecting myself from my own accepted feelings and emotions, I have become somehow ‘above it’, ‘untouchable’ and ‘not involved’, and ‘this has nothing to do with me’, through which I justify that I am not responsible and hold on to my blame, and my positive energy experience of winning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as arrogance as superiority and self-importance and ‘lofty’ within ‘keeping my head up’ and being ‘above it all’. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the world as ‘beneath me’ and ‘less than’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have am ‘removed’ from the ‘banality’ of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in letting this muscle in my neck/back relax so that my physical head falls down and forward out of this elevated posture of arrogance, that within this I experience a feeling of ‘humility’, when really my head is simply falling into its natural position on my neck through its weight in physical gravity.




In simplicity, I raised up fear.
When I look upon this observation of my breath, I see now the separation I have made, a triangle of breath, body, and mind, with me outside it all as better than and in competition with my mind.
And I wonder how I raised up fear?

How many times do I have to pace this room to see and realize and accept the fact that what I have become is as relationship?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make relationships towards myself within reacting to myself as all the relationships that I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kick and wriggle squirm and twist in tantrum of reactions to myself when everywhere I turn I find relationship of me within my mind and I am believing I can extract myself from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a new relationship as I whine about the situation that I have accepted and allowed.
AAAAARG

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize and accept and come to terms with this my consequence of separation.

I commit myself to change this stance of observation that I have accepted and allowed to no longer separate myself me from breath, my body, and the system of my mind, but to instead observe my self within and as it all as participant within myself.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 38: Keep Your Head Up (3)

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... head-up-3/

In a dream I am standing in the darkness by a door, my father is coming up the stairs to find me, this is my last chance to say no, I don’t want to go along with his plans, but I cannot say it.

The Good Soldier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘keep my head up’ as in being ‘a good soldier’ in the eyes of my father, and for my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through the attention of my father I could get the validation that I have not allowed myself to have of who I am as a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept any modeling of who I am in exchange for the positive energy experience of me that I have believed I need to have within the attention from my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally abandon who I am so as to hold on to the positive energy experience of me within the attention from my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative energy experience of me within the thought of saying no to my father. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear in the presence of my father, in the situation of it being possible to express who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative experience of me in the thought of talking directly to my father. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear in the presence of my father, in the situation of it being possible to express to him of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame of not really being a man in not standing up and saying no to the plans and designs for me of my father through which he plans to model me as his image of himself as a man, without regard for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than who I am as not a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within my father’s eyes as not a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father that he failed to see acknowledge or respect me for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this blame against my father to justify myself as a victim of abuse, and therefore not responsible for myself as who I am.


To be continued…

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 39: Spiteful Conversation

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... versation/

Today I come back from London, where I accepted and allowed I could not write my blog, that I was overwhelmed, that there was too much all around me going on, where gradually I did not notice I was scattered in my mind.

In a room I listened to a man I could not understand, and who did not wish to hear. But that was me. I fell amongst the con of verses of a conversation, with the verses interlinked and mad and interlocked, and when there was a pause I saw my chance to jump in ambush, undermine or somehow ‘shake foundations’ or else accept myself to not speak up, and fear the feeling of ‘defeated’, or fear regret that I said nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only listen to my judgements over-rule expressions of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something that I should say, that I should define myself as who I am towards and in relation to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as more superior myself as knowledge and information and therefore fit and ready ‘jump in’ and to compete and win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself the backchat line ‘my position’ through which I have become as ‘this that will not move’, to initiate myself as spite.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that this position that I take in con-versation in mind support for what is real is me as spite.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that when I take position and justify to myself that I am right, that I have something to ‘offer’ in this conversation, that I am wishing to impose myself as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might regret that I did not impose myself as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might regret that I might have lost a chance to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a strength emerge within myself as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a certainty of righteousness emerge within myself as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am here within this strength I feel as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am right within this strength I feel as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this feeling which is spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine in my mind that I am up against a wall of fear and that there is nothing left to save myself but me as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make-believe a wall within my mind, to make-believe a place where I am trapped, to make-believe scenarios within my mind so I can justify myself as spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself in accepting and allowing of myself excuses to give in and give up on my resolve and my commitment to myself to walk this journey.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 40: ‘Yeah, Yeah’ Doubt Spite

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... ubt-spite/

This one came up while reading through some SF statements, connected to a glazing over of my eyes, entering into a deliberate unfocusing, a sort of generalized rejection and pre-judgement of material.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to directives from my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt what I am doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this doubt as ‘yeah, yeah’ in my mind as backchat like the thin end of the wedge of my own self-sabotage.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the existence of this doubt along with certainty of me as righteousness within my mind as who I am as ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this doubt as backchat in my mind as an expression of spite.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this doubt as backchat in my mind as an expression of me as righteousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to this me I know as knowledge and information in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in doubt as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat of doubt as a prelude to giving up on myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat doubt as an excuse and justification to not go on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat doubt as a temptation to go into laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have once admired and been impressed by personalities of doubt which would seem to win by undercutting all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed doubt to exist in protection of my self-interest as a being of energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat doubt to harbor fear of who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind as supreme judge of all validity, basing my decrees and actions on backchat and feelings that come up in me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within the world this doubt as valid reason to not investigate or listen to a message or some information that could hold the keys to change or a solution for what is best for all.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 41: Look out, it’s ‘The Living Word’

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... ving-word/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, on hearing the phrase, ‘The Living Word’ to separate myself from it and make myself as less than it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there exists ‘The Living Word’, ‘out there’ in separation from me.
I forgive myself that I have made a picture of ‘The Living Word’ within my mind as if written in Fire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘The Living Word’ to the ‘Secret Name of God’ as written in fire in a book that I have read.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I knew the ‘Secret Name of God’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘The Living Word’ must be a Secret Word.
Thus: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘The Living Word’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘The Living Word’ within my mind as an Alien form of Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the word ‘Alien’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to understand ‘The Living Word’ within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder in my mind, but.. Which Living Word?
I forgive myself that I have not asked myself, How do I live these words? What is it that I live in words? What is the experience in myself I store in words? What is the charge I add to words and live? What is it that I hear in others' words? What world do I transmit amongst the words I speak?
Crucial Blog - Examining these questions: Earth’s Journey to Life
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the definitions that I have assigned to words are the expressions that I will give life to as living expressions of myself. From Earth’s Journey to Life

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 42: Self Consumer

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... -consumer/


Self Forgiveness on watching Psywar


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to an outer world that is controlled by corporations that are mandated by law to maximize profits on behalf of their shareholders regardless and in spite of social or environmental consequence or cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to an inner world that is controlled in my name for me by an energy authority of self interested consciousness that is mandated by its own laws to maximize positive energy experience in spite of the life substance of me and others as me regardless of consequence or cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to an outer world in which the production of goods is no longer about or concerned with the real practical needs of humanity but as an end in itself regardless of the nature or the purpose of the goods or the damage done to life supporting systems of the world in the course of their production.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to an outer world that is modified defined and shaped by corporate lies manipulated fears and engineered perceptions and beliefs in promises of happiness and less anxiety through buying goods.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to question the actual substance of this energy-experience of happiness I seek.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to modify define and shape my own reality according to the kingdom of my mind through buying self deception lies and justified excuse and self manipulation so that I can serve this energy as me as need for energy as me and never question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self direction, to not allow myself to stand up from this consequence I ride.

I commit myself to simple movement in myself, to break away from automation.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 43: I Can’t Do It

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... ant-do-it/

Right now ‘the’ resistance is lobbying for entertainment, after all, I can ‘always’ blog later, etc. The fancied film which is in my power to grant myself right now would be temptation as a positive reward, while the discomfort of awareness of resistance as a negative experience functions as the motivator. The program runs along from the positions of ‘I can’t do it’, and of course the easy option, ‘I am free to not do it’, to: ‘maybe the film will give me an idea’, or maybe ‘raise a point’, or maybe in this way I can be watching the film and supporting self at the same time, lol, yeah right, in short, little self persuasions to justify not doing it, and finding ways of maybe even feeling good about not doing it as well.

But it’s always the same old story; to definitely not, go there. Anu 15
http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-who-is-the-mind-part-15
So in this blog showing myself what I am, so I can see what I am doing, rather than just reacting to myself and going in loops, I take a look at this ‘I can’t do it’ line.

Interesting how ‘can’ and ‘can’t’ are both statements of allowance. That in stating that I can’t do it, I am stating to myself that I have already accepted that I do not allow myself to do it. Since I am using this as an excuse and a justification to not do it, what I am saying in effect is: ‘I am not allowed to do it, because I do not allow myself to do it.’ The negative feelings that come along with this are memories of past experiences in which, believing that ‘I can’t do it’, I have gone into feeling bad as less-than capable of doing it, and then touched on the unpleasant experience of myself as less-than in general. And now these feelings seem to justify the statement, and I have accepted of myself to define myself as this less-than person, and formed a relationship towards myself as fear of ‘going there’, so better to move swiftly on, into hopes of positive experience within distraction. It’s a sleight of hand that does not stand examination. A different form of this that comes to mind is this one: ‘You can’t do it, because I say so’. Here again my excuse of ‘I can’t do it’, seems to get more weight, because there is a victimized me involved in which ‘it is not my fault or my responsibility that I can’t do it, because having accepted the authority of the voice that says ‘because I say so’, I blame it for not letting me do it. In doing this, unconsciously I justify the authority of the command, and within this one lurks, poor me, I just can’t change, which only adds to this negative experience of myself as less-than, powerless, trapped within this definition of who I am, afraid I might expose myself and see me groveling to this command. In effect I am protecting my own self-enslavement as not responsible for me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts that come up in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this thought in my mind of ‘I can’t do it’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this thought is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this thought of ‘I can’t do it’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not capable of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less-than when I see this definition of myself as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in shame of who I am within this judgement that I made of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this negative experience of myself as my own judgement and shame of who I am according to the definition which I have accepted and allowed myself to make of who and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not examine how I came to be what I have accepted and allowed myself to be because I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from fear and to make a relationship to fear in which I am less than fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek a positive experience of myself in which I continue to allow myself as an experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I abdicate from self-direction, then it follows that I take directives from the system of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to myself as being directed by the system of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my victimhood, as consequence of abdicating self-direction, upon the authority which I myself have given to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify through blame the authority of direction of the mind.


I commit myself to prove to me through breathing, writing, self forgiveness, self correction, that I can and do allow myself to take up self-direction of myself, that I can and do allow myself to give myself this opportunity of realizing who I am as Life, that I can and do accumulate self trust in me, that I can and do allow myself to change.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 44: Grovelling and ‘I Can’t Stop Doing It’

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... -doing-it/

Having posted yesterday’s blog, a realization came up which was how ‘I Can’t do it’ developed out of my acceptance of being ‘Not Good Enough’, which I looked at in Day 25, and Day 26. And arising out of ‘I Can’t do it’, comes up ‘I Can’t Stop doing it’, and with this the issue of addiction.

Yesterday, the word ‘Grovelling’ came up.
Shit I’ve got reactions going on to this one alright, this word grovelling is full of negative charge, and I really do not want to look at it at all.
I have to breathe through this one now, this picture of me in the act of grovelling, because it’s not going to go away. Exposed in self-abasement, utterly devoid of self-respect.

Just like when the situation of the ‘country’ is in ‘danger’, and the government gains power, control; in the mind the back-chat gains authority in the presence of fear. In this situation its role is more as dictator/protector, and what might have been suggestion or inducement, became commands. It’s martial law, its do Not Fucking go there. It’s as if the survival of the mind itself depends upon this grovelling.

So this would be about accepting fear and then giving the authority to the back-chat, and facing who I am towards it in the act of grovelling.


It’s getting very late, but just for starters:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the end/loss of my possession/energy addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so ashamed of lacking self-respect that I have not dared to look upon this act of grovelling before the mind.


I will continue into this tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop/expose/investigate myself as who I am within this grovelling before the mind.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 45: Slavery


http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... 5-slavery/

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by accepting THOUGHT as Self, Self as Life becomes the Slave of THOUGHT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that THOUGHTS that Judge are the Nature of Self accepted as Thought, which is the Fear that thought as the illusion of Self must Generate to protect Thought Self Righteousness. “ From Creation’s Journey to Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as thought to judge myself for being enslaved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and be relationships of energy towards my self-enslavement and for not allowing myself to see and realize that in doing this I am actually making certain that myself as I as only energy continues to exist in separation from myself and that who I am as one and equal with the substance of the world and of the physical can never stand up one and equal with who I have become as mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted words into my flesh that carry judgement programs connected up to ‘slavery’, such as ‘abject’, ‘servile’, ‘grovel’, in all of which polarities, the ‘slave’ can only stand up from being the loser, become the winner, from being the servant to the master, can only stand within and as polarity, if stand at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn away from me in separation from myself, defining who I am as shame, disgust, revulsion, fear, offense, and for not accepting or allowing myself to see that in all of these relationships I am enslaved as energy as spite, that while I look away from who I am I walk the programs of a consciousness that is not life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see and understand that I as consciousness as energy cannot have respect for who I am as life, because in oneness and equality I can’t exist, and that this is why I turn away, ignore dismiss and hide from me and what I have become.


I commit myself to equalize in all of these relationships that I have accepted and allowed towards myself in slavery, and to remove the energetic charges that I see and realize today to function as the chains.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 46: God So Loved the World that, What?

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... that-what/

According to this story, (John 3:16) classed as ‘scripture’ accepted as a special kind of writing, handed down and down through generations and slipped beneath our common sense, and held as ‘sacrosanct’, which means, no need to question, or interfere in any way.
God So Loved the World that, What? That he killed his ‘beloved’ son, in whom he was at one point ‘so well pleased’ (Matthew 3:17), that everybody saw a dove, and heard a voice, and God was apparently so happy.
That what? That he killed his son by slow torture and in the most painful way that was possible, according to the experts of the day. And they called that day ‘good’ Friday, getting sad and solemn, that he had to go, because it had to be as it was written.
And why it was so ‘Good’ had to be served up quick, the reason was like this, that so that anyone who ‘believes in him’ shall not perish but have ‘everlasting life’.

If we are to accept this definition of Love, then what is being stated is that in extreme cases of Love, that the abuse of beings including murder and violence towards even one’s own offspring is acceptable, that crimes of ‘passion’ can be justified, because ‘Love’ is sacrosanct, and ‘God is Love’ is stood behind it all.

Where’s the common sense in this? That if you ‘believe’ in something in your mind, then you will suddenly for some reason live forever? How does that work?


In this physical reality, in this life on earth, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ was the practical application of Love that was the essence of the message of Jesus. This is the message of Equality. It is not a message as in ‘that’s a ‘good’ idea’; what Jesus was expressing in these words was the principle of Life itself. No need for a bible here; if we simply look at our existence in this world and how it all depends upon our living flesh and the life of nature systems and how throughout it all these systems of life can only continue to exist in oneness and equality, as the working principle of their design, that every cell serves every cell, that all parts equally get nourishment, that all depends on all for an ecology to function in the world.

How far have we strayed from Life, in following these thoughts of Love and God, and believing in our minds about beliefs, is evident as well, a world that is on the brink of devastation, a world of inequality, of abuse, a world of war and spite and systematic famine.

How to practically apply alignment of ourselves with Life, and walk with and as Life, and walk out of this idea of life which is what we have become, this is what we walk with Desteni. The tools are here for each of us to change humanity.

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