Adam’s Journey into Life

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Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 47: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident’

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... f-evident/

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

We hold (that as a group of similarly self interested illusions of singularity as energetic consciousness) these (beliefs as) truths to be (obvious to ourselves within the limitation of absolute self interest) self evident, that all men (according to the definition of our minds) are created equal (as similar illusions of singularity as energetic consciousness), that they are endowed by their Creator (that we also hold as a belief within ourselves as mind to be self evident) with certain (a limited number of) unalienable Rights (defined according to ourselves as Righteousness within ourselves as mind), that among these are Life (as we see it as a thought within our minds), Liberty (the freedom to abuse), and the pursuit of Happiness. (To seek forever Self elsewhere in positive experience of energy.)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind that ‘obvious’ exists, and that I have not allowed myself to question first of all that which seems to be so ‘obvious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a holy sanctum in my mind in which myself as God of me decrees and holds as sacrosanct reflections of the certainty of who I am as thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed upon my judgement of myself as superior within my mind to be able to assert that my belief is ‘obvious’ and ‘self evident’, and I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I hold and I assert that which I believe to be ‘true’, as the nature of belief, and that in doing this I am lost within belief of my belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself as who I am as chemicals of feeling and emotion sparked by energetic charge of thought that in and as pre-programmed judgement that I understand or even have a notion of ‘reality’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that equality can exist while in myself as consciousness in separation from myself unequalized I dwell within self interest, as spite and competition to survive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that equality as an idea in my mind in separation from myself can only stand as some advantage to myself in the secret machinations of a plan to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself to energize pre-programmed thought relationships to ‘God’ as awesome greatness out there and me as awesome insignificance as fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been given and endowed with special gifts of God, within which I have accepted and allowed belief that there are things I do not already ‘have’ and thus accepted and allowed myself to dwell in fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘life’ according to some thoughts within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused myself and all as me within belief in ‘choice’ as freedom to exploit all substance in the world in consummation of this consciousness as me as energy as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself within dissatisfaction and emptiness inside myself to seek for happiness outside myself as positive experience of energy, as hope within a ‘future’ in my mind.

I commit myself to question what seems obvious to me, to slow down in myself as breath, to look upon the sacredness of my own endowment to myself as God of me within my mind as thought, to see the spite within my declaration of my independence day, to see and realize this declaration as a declaration of a war against the world as a consequence of who I have become and am as mind in separation from myself as life.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 48: Self-Resistance Program 535

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... ogram-535/

Self-Resistance program 535:

If I were to blog today, it’d be a bunch of self-dishonest shit.

So who am I towards and as this shit?

Who am I towards and as my self-dishonesty that I have accepted and allowed, within some future that I made up in my mind?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a future me that has no self-direction so that I can justify me giving up my self-support of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out some excuse to make it seem ok to give up on my self-support of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek a positive reward as energy as who I am to feel ok that I give up on my self-support of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program me to walk into a program where before I face a lump of shit as me I give up on my self- support of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the validity of my excuse within a representation of myself as scrupulous self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek a positive reward as energy as who I am in this self image of myself as scrupulous self-honesty, while all the time I’m coming from the starting point of giving up on self-support of me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in accepting this excuse that I am in fact accepting self-dishonesty, in which I see myself as less than facing who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge this issue of my self-dishonesty by connecting to it ready charged up shit to justify avoidance so that I can give up on my self-support of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself repulsive as a lump of shit so that I can justify my giving up on self-support of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek a negative reward as energy as who I am as spite towards myself so that I can justify my giving up on self-support of me.


I commit myself to live and breathe and walk in constant self-support, through constant writing, constant self-forgiveness, and constant self-correction and push aside these programs of resistance that I have accepted and allowed as sabotage of me.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 49: Love as Fear

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... e-as-fear/

Anu speaks with clarity on Love as Fear in Reptilians 47. One of the points he makes is about the suffering and pain of which we are unconscious within ourselves, amidst the chaos we accept as normal in ourselves, neither facing up to our responsibility of who we are within ourselves nor recognizing who we are in others; and how, in this Dilemma that a person comes along who seems to offer a Solution, and then this whole morass of energy as fear of self transmutes and focuses into excitement, thrill, and desire for a relationship. The definition in our minds in separation from this energy, is that this experience equals ‘love’, and being ‘alive’, not understanding seeing or realizing that the starting point from which it comes is fear. While all the time the actual act of Love would be the opposite; in turning to ourselves instead, to intimacy of self, to the giving of ourselves back to ourselves to direct the actual real Solution of relationship to Self, and then from this stability to maybe meet another being as who they really are rather than as some projection as an object of the mind.

Is there anywhere within this world in which the consequential play-outs of this fuck-up can’t be found?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself a system life in which I have been driven and directed by the false solution of an Energetic Love.

Self-Forgiveness on Falling in Love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘falling in Love’ was a ‘good’ and a ‘natural’ thing that ‘should’ be accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not responsible for ‘falling in love’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that I am ‘falling in love’ as a deliberate abdication of my self responsibility for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘falling in love’ as a justification for my abdication of responsibility for who I am in a life in which I have already accepted and allowed myself to have ‘fallen in fear’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘falling in love’ is a justification for relationship within and as itself regardless of any other consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the feeling that ‘I am obliged’ to commit myself into a relationship with another having accepted and allowed that I have ‘fallen in love’, and for not realizing that this obligation follows as a consequence of having given up on self direction of myself in my relationship to me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see and realize that when two beings ‘fall in love’ that they have deliberately given up themselves to go according to the consequential outflows of the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and absorb into myself the story/programming of ‘growing-up, meeting the right-personality, and then falling-in-love, and ‘living’ happily-ever-after; and for not allowing myself to see that through this programming I am accepting and allowing me to define my future life according to the system as one in which I abdicate my self responsibility and fall into myself as a system of energy.



I commit myself to this definition of myself as Love through which I, through self-honesty, self–intimacy, and self-forgiveness, in self responsibility correct according to the principle of who I am as life as one and equal, all relationships of fear as energy that I have made within towards and as myself in separation from me as life and from the physical. And as I learn to walk align myself with mind and with the physical, I learn to walk with/ for/in support of all as me as one and equal.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 50: Railway Tracks

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... ay-tracks/


Asking what is the nature of this energy that I have become, I had ‘come up’ two memories from early childhood, perhaps the earliest of all. Both of them not exactly dreams but more like halfway sleep and consciousness experiences. They were both repeaters, coming back and back like favourite nightmares, and recognizing them in advance was part of their horror, that I was unable to stop them coming.

In the first of these, I would be drifting into sleep and any picture in my mind would start to shrink in a specific way, it would shrink and shrink and twist into a stick like shape and shrink into a needle, and then when the feeling of this shrinkingness and stick-like-ness within my body had become almost unbearable, then it would begin to grow and grow and become fatter and fatter and more and more bloated until the feeling of this bloatedness throughout my body had become almost unbearable, when suddenly, it would start to shrink again and the whole cycle would start over. If I changed the image in my mind, then that would too become subjected to this process, so there was no escape from it, I simply had to wait for it to go.

In the second of these memories, I would have my ear upon the pillow, and I would hear my pulse, and this would be the signal for the dream to start, in which a train was coming. And again there was no escape from this experience.
What and how and why the train evoked such fear? (Cartoons maybe) Whatever, it was an image of a thing which could not be stopped, or change direction. A machine that ran its course along the tracks regardless of the situation, which was me.

Why did people tie each other down to railway tracks in children’s cartoons?

So asking what is the nature of this energy that I became, it was me as fear in separation from it, from my mind and from my body, fearing the experience that was in store for me, while at the same time knowing from repetition what it was going to be.

In both these memories are records of being trapped in and subjected to experience that ‘can’t be stopped’. Records of how I allowed myself as squeezed and stretched and threatened by the workings of my mind. Records of me watching over and over the same horror film as the consequence of energy as me not realising that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and therefore am both powerless to leave or turn it off and powerless to stop the same reactions, and powerless to wake up and realize that it’s a dream.


More on this to come…

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 51: Railway Tracks 2

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... -tracks-2/

Me as cartoon person tied down to the tracks with a train coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and to resign and abdicate and separate myself from self-direction of myself through which I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission for myself to be directed by the workings of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what may possibly come up in my mind, and in that fear allow myself to be a victim of my mind, and give permission/accept/give way/be over-ruled according to the automatic dictates of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread repeating the experience in which I saw myself as trapped between my body and my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see and realize and understand that what I show myself is my awareness of the consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I show myself is me both tied down to the tracks and also as the train that can’t be stopped, and also as the rails themselves:
In which I as ‘tied down to the tracks’, have accepted and allowed myself as petrified, enslaved to fear.
In which I as ‘the train that can’t be stopped’, have accepted and allowed myself to be as huge machinery of single purpose, oblivious to life.
In which I as ‘rails’, have accepted and allowed myself to be as fated, doomed, and pre-determined according to a course already laid down, planned and set for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I show me in the image of ‘being tied down’, is that I have represented who I am to me as ‘not to blame’ but that someone else is responsible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize that in abdicating self direction that from here on as a consequence of my fear of facing this that I must live in blame and live in spite of who I am as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in fear and for having accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as fear, and so have accepted and allowed myself as energy and not as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I show me in the image of ‘the train that can’t be stopped’ is me as energy enslaved according to the laws of energy in spite of who I am as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this ‘train’ as me as energy and for not accepting or allowing myself to see and realize that me as fear of energy has in consequence become the train of energy I fear and therefore cannot stop this train of me as energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that what I show me in this image of myself as ‘rails’, is that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as fated, doomed, and pre-determined according to a course already laid down, planned and set for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the image of these ‘rails’ as me as programming to justify my resignation from my self-directive principle of me as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as powerless and for accepting and allowing me as powerless to wait in hope for this experience of fear to pass away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what I show myself with fear through which I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage the self support I give myself in showing me an image of what it is I am accepting and allowing me to be.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 52: Railway Tracks 3

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... -tracks-3/

Bringing it Here.

I am still opening up this same point about how I show myself, such as in this dream, the consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, and how I have reacted with fear towards it.
There’s a point about the relationship of fear I’ve made towards this consequence I see before me, which is that I am in denial of something that I know inside myself to be so, what I am doing is choosing fear or anything at all but see my own awareness of myself.
Within this there’s another fear, a much bigger one this time, that if I see and realize my own awareness of myself, then I will have to act because here is my responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I see and realize another point as well, that in interpreting this image that came up, I have made of it a no-escape design, in which I justify a future resignation. While what I am fearing most of all is seeing my self awareness in which there’s really no escape from my responsibility of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

And then another fear, and this one’s vast and spreads far and wide, that the consequence I show myself is not limited to pictures thoughts or dreams, not limited at all in fact, but everywhere.

Then,
But,
So

Yes Adam, SO

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 53: Getting Down to Practicality

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... cticality/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied with only realizations in my mind, and to have accepted and allowed myself to not go on from there.

So: Realisations of Equality and Oneness to be carried through.
I commit myself to walk this process, to realign all parts of me in practicality to what is real. And carry through the application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the state of my relationship to me to have been chaotic and actually impossible, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the parts that made no sense or else existed in separation from each other in mutual conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have just one relationship to me and for not allowing or accepting me to realize and see that I consist of multiple relationships to me which are not aligned in any way except as opportunities of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into tantrums in entanglement with all the multi-fuck-up messes that I find, not knowing where or what or how to self-forgive or equalize, or see a single point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss myself as breath and rush around and try and reach a place within my mind where all is done and sorted out already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose the starting point of me being here as breath and to become distracted in the chaos of my mind.

I commit myself to start and stay with breath.

Understanding that my life on earth, my physical subsists in practicality, I commit my process of myself to follow that, to earth myself in practicality with realization simply as a guide.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 54: My Malevolence Exposed 1

http://adamsjourneyintolife.wordpress.c ... exposed-1/

I was walking along the road with a garden rake under my arm (as one does), when, coming towards me came a young man pushing a bicycle. In my mind I scanned to see if this was someone that I ‘knew’, to see if this situation was or was not that I was being met by some past relationship that I had avoided or had in some way left as incomplete, which checked out negative. But I experienced some fear. Like there was a possibility that I may now have to face myself. Having satisfied or self-deceived myself that I would not have to face myself, I relapsed into privacy and separation, content within the definition of ourselves as strangers, as if this was an insignificant event, just a maneuver of pedestrians. As he passed I saw his eyes drift down to check what I was carrying. In my mind I made this interpretation of his face, that what I saw was fear. At this point triggers my demonic side, and for a moment in my mind I am carrying a weapon, and then up pop horror files and scenes imprinted ‘just in case’ from Hollywood, ready in one moment for a fight. Well I breathe, I turn these thoughts off before they actually unfold, and I melt my horns back out of sight. I melt that warrior strength out of my arm, I reassure my grasp around the handle of my garden rake, and I walk on, all civilized again.


In ‘My Fear Companion’, Anu talks about how at one point he developed a ‘poker face’ to cope with being surrounded by beings that were on the look out for him to make a mistake, and how he felt vulnerable and was hiding his doubt, disguising his fear, making sure there were no ‘tells’, because amongst these beings there would be one waiting to exploit a weakness, waiting to manipulate another through their fears.

Seeing all this stuff in me, I commit myself to expose to me the evil natures that I have accepted and allowed as me. Understanding that I’ve played both sides of this game, in which playing one side or another I have given my permission for them both; I’ve lived in fear of being exploited through my fears while at the same time I have taken opportunities to undermine, destabilize, and diminish other beings in passing thoughts, in casual gossip, and as if sometimes by ‘invitation’.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Day 55: My Malevolence Exposed 2

http://wp.me/p2mHx2-38

With breathing and self forgiveness I give myself an opportunity for me here to be as self directive principle and open up these points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing to myself and to others my activities of spite and malice that I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate these fears by listening to resistances and seeking for distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the judgements in my mind, which say that I am bad and unforgiveable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I see myself as who I am as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be that I will then refuse forgiveness of myself, and that then I will be lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not deserving of forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set conditions on my self forgiveness, in which I see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek forgiveness from my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek forgiveness from my mind rather than to give myself my self forgiveness freely in a single breath such as in this breath I breathe in now in which I do forgive myself regardless of this system of my mind.

I live and breathe in this responsibility to me that I forgive myself regardless of conditions of the mind.

Adam Closs
Posts: 513
Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Adam’s Journey into Life

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Simple Unforgiveability

http://wp.me/p2mHx2-3c


I’ve been looking at how I manage to overwhelm myself with massive complexities of backchat and feelings, till like yesterday, a thought comes up, ‘this is unforgiveable’.
And looking at this thought, the simple message of this thought, having pulled out the energetic charge from it, (Realizing that I had connected to it shame and judgement of something being so so wrong and evil and deeply bad, etc, packaged up as a barb of spite, lol, a feast of negativity experience for me in and as this energy addiction, an instance of the day to day practice of this malice)… but looking at it in a simple way, this message is actually one of self-support, because I see now how something in a practical way can be unforgiveable, like for example a network of relationships together all in and as one.
I realize that until I actually see and clarify the particular specific lines of these relationships, then they cannot practically individually and specifically be self-forgiven, and as such they are literally ‘unforgiveable’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the word ‘unforgiveable’, through which in fearing unforgiveability in me I am actually falling once again into this fear of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to unforgiveability the word damnation through which in fearing unforgiveability in me I am accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot change, through which I sabotage my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obscure the meaning of a simple fact I tell myself through accepting and allowing myself to charge it up with fear.

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