Jessica´s Journey to Life

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JessicaArias
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Joined: 11 Apr 2012, 05:41

Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day#1 - Forgiving Myself.
Here I begin. Here I retake my way committing myself to not follow again my indecisions and my doubts.
Starting from 0 to stop those patterns I have admitted again when I deliberately sabotage myself and make a pause within my process. Suppressing and hiding to myself. Instead of observing the crude face I have and embrace that as One and Equal until I stop it. I forgive Myself


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself doubts and indecisions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow doubts and indecisions as a back door which I can open every time I want to hide and accept abuse within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the patterns of doubts and indecisions.


I stop doubts and indecisions within myself. I am not doubts and I am not indecisions. I stand and I clear myself.
I realize I didn´t stopped this patterns cause I followed keeping back-chats to myself as a way to feed my self-interest and to hide from Responsability and commitment to and for myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing back-chats within myself as keeping a 'door open ' to my pattern of hiding from things when they turn wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself the pattern of Self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I fear to be changed - to change the definition I have of myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear committing myself to myself cause I cannot trust me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as unreliable.
(back-chat: 'I know myself'. )
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from Responsibilities placing the tag before me of 'unreliable person', so Justifying me all the time - Hiding and Protecting me from 'getting my hands dirty'!!!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing within myself - Self-Sabotage!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard upon myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself hate towards myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can´t change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself I can´t change - therefore sabotaging and closing every door of opportunity to myself as myself.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to observe and realize I place myself as a victim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find taste in making me feel as a victim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like hurting me.


Unconsciously I find desire in Hurting me?-- that´s why i constantly sabotage myself
.
I stop Self-Sabotage...I stop self- hatred. I accept myself, I embrace Myself
I realize all my falls and all my doubts and indecisions are linked to the hate towards me.
I stop this hate towards me.
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JessicaArias
Posts: 47
Joined: 11 Apr 2012, 05:41

Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day#2 Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself
Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me. And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it.


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me.
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but, criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions.
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind.


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life!
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand
I am Simplicity
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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day#3: Insecurity
Within accepting within myself invalidations and also beliefs that other people are more than me another point that borned within me was the Insecurity; Insecurity to move myself, to talk, to be. And this shows also in the physical as I used the food as a way to protect myself.
I have defined myself as an insecure person. And I created a relation towards that emotion. And this links to fears. Insecurity comes when I am near people I know for the first time, and also people I already know. I experience anxiety and nervousness and I start with back-chats as comparing myself, or feeling and thinking negative things and also positive, going to the other polarity of that shade I have accepted and allowed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional feeling of Insecurity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurity every time I compare myself to others in my mind.
I forgive I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurities and fears when I am infront, near, beside other people thinking and believing that they will find something wrong within me due to my physical body or my way of being - thus accepting and allowing fears, invalidations, and back-chats that are separating me from myself and from others.
I realize this happens only in my mind and I participate in energy reactions and resistances that feeds my Mind conciousness systems instead of stopping them, Breathing, and correcting in the moment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of fear and insecurity when I am going to meet someone new; participating also in my mind in anticipation and in thoughts, feelings, emotions, images about the experience to come and about the person I am going to meet.
I realize that I am Separating myself from others, from me, from the physical, going into / participating within my mind, thus I create reactions and resistances that are not real and that end in feeding my insecurities and fears.


Every time I see myself participating in my mind; feeding fears and thus Insecurity I realize is all in the mind. I clear myself and I stop back-chats, thoughts, images, feelings, emotions in the moment and I express myself with others as myself. Stopping all fears of being judged and stopping my pattern of invalidating me all the time.
I Breathe, I stop and I direct myself in the moment - every time I start feeling insecure within myself and within my life and i direct myself to Stand as One and equal to myself and others. I clear myself and I express myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with feelings and emotions, thoughts, and images based on past experiences of me being criticized in the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people to fears and insecurities based on paste experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with past experiences I tagged as negative/ positive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with insecurity and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to categorize people and experiences as negative or positive, I realize I am accepting Separation and dishonesty perceiving people as polarities within my mind. Participating in back-chats.
I Stop categorizing people as good or bad within my life, and also connecting people to past experiences - either positive or negative.
I realize this is Separation and I am participating and letting my mind direct me, instead of expressing myself as one and equal to others without mind systems.
Everytime I found myself categorizing people, connecting them to past experiences - I stop and I breathe I direct myself to clear myself and to see other people as myself and not accepting back-.chats and taggs that are just mind perceptions.
Life is not a Mind Perception. Life has not categories.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an insecure person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself within and idea of insecurity to avoid some experiences as talking, moving and expressing myself with others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed insecurity within myself to invalidate me and to limit myself; to limit my physical movements.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to criticize and hate my body due to defining myself with insecurity.


Everytime I catch myself in feeling insecure and limiting myself due to insecurity, I stop, I breathe, I Stand and I direct myself to stop those patterns within myself and I correct myself in that moment to no longer participate in fears, insecurities and in the Mind.
Everytime I see myself feeling fearful and insecure of moving when a person is near me connecting that moment with past experiences or with fears I stop and I breathe, I realize I am in the mind and I clear myself. I Correct myself , I move myself without fears realizing the dishonesty within myself accepting and allowing those patterns of self-invalidation. I stop.
I correct in every moment of Breath when I see myself participating in Separation, in dishonesties and in what is not best for me, and others as One and equal to Life!.


I accept myself. I stop my mind, I embrace myself. I stop my fears.
I am not my fears; thus my Mind C. Systems.


´Till here no further.
http://jessicawrittingtofreedom.blogspot.mx/
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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day#4 -- Impatience and Desperation

Another Pattern I have is Impatience and Desperation linked to anger. I experienced this today while I was knitting and also while I was waiting for the internet connection.
I accept and participate in this when I perceive I have no time and also when I anticipate in my mind to the end results of the things I am doing.
I experience my nose closed and also I feel my physical body tense, tighten, and strained, difficult in some way to catch my breath.
The back-chats I accept to trigger in my mind are emotions, and thoughts of boredom and anxiety 'cause I am 'away' from news and from, and instead of moving myself to do another thing, stop preoccupations, I stay there waiting.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotional experience of Desperation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed an emotional experience of desperation due to constantly participating in my mind instead of stopping and realizing I am not that emotion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as that desperation and feeling of tension within myself.
I forgive myself that I have participated in an emotion of desperation that goes to my physical body and I experience tension and tightness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate so much in this system
integrated within myself that I experience tightness and strain within my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that
I am not my mind and
thus allow abuse within my physical body t
hat is showing within experimenting tightness and tension


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in desperation
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed desperation to exist within and as me.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from myself believing I am Mind C.
Systems and that i cannot free myself from that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in impatience
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an
emotional experience
of impatience
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that impatience exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from myself participating
in impatience and desperation.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link desperation with anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when I am desperate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in an energetic
reaction every time I allow desperation within me, instead of taking action and Responsability -
instead of breathing and directing myself in the moment to stop those patterns and behaviours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energetic reactions and
experiences
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my direction
and my stability
in the deliberate participation in my mind systems.


I am not desperation and impatience.
I stop my participation in desperation and impatience.
I stop within me the belief that I am a feeling and an emotion. I am not a feeling,
i am not an emotion,
I am not my mind.


Everytime I see myself participating in desperation and impatience and some other systems as nervoussness
and anxiety. I stop myself from that participation, realizing I am not my mind, realizing my
separation and I breathe, I direct myself to clear myself and to Stand from that energetic movements
and I take Responsability from myself and I direct me in the moment to stop.


I commit myself to stop participating in energetic reactions such as anger, desperation,
anxiety, nervoussness
due to participating in my mind.
I commit myself to Stand in every Breath of those patterns and behaviours realizing
i am not defined
by them and
I commit myself to stop believing and giving my power and direction away
to those systems integrated within
me until they stop due to my responsability, direction and correction in the moment.
I commit myself to stop participating in them. I embrace those systems as
one and equal to myself and
I realize they are not more or less that me; I create them so I can stop them


I embrace the Impatience, I embrace the desperation, I embrace anxiety and nervousness
as One and
Equal to me -. I realize they are my creations.
And I as that Stop them and I stand within them,
stopping participating in them and giving power to make them grow.


Everytime I see myself within the experience and feelings of desperation and anger.
I stop and I start to breathe to clear myself
and to Direct myself effectively in the moment and so
Stand and place myself here.


I am clarity
I am breath
I am here
I am self.trust
i am self-direction
I am self-power


I stop giving away my power.
I am self-dedication


http://jessicawrittingtofreedom.blogspot.mx/
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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day# 5: My cats Assisting Me to wake up and other points.


I have been working on the point of waking up early and just sleeping my 6 hours, but I have not stopped and pushed within my resistances, although I put my alarm-clock on the time I have to wake up, I hear my mind and I let go the opportunity to wake up and for once and for all start working on that point.
Yesterday I did the same and today I set my clock at the time I had to wake up but I accepted and allowed resistances. I was in the bed there, just waiting and trying to stop the sleepiness but I gave my power away.

My cats - 2 little cats I adopted in December - started to jump and to get crazy along my room; making noise and trying to get my attention. They usually ask me to give them food when they are hungry and usually they wake me up and also they wait for me outside my room for the moment I wake up and enter to my room to eat.
Today they were more crazy; jumping and moving the cables of my computer; which is funny, cause they know I react with that and I wake up to see and to move them away from my computer , hahaah...- I started to get mad, cause I wanted to sleep more time and they were making a lot of noise and well, instead of directing me I get more mad towards them and I stood up just to take them and get them out of my room. I stayed more in the bed searching for the best posture and sleep more time.

Then I realized that maybe they were assisting me to wake up and pushing me a little to Stand and start my day early; LOL. And is more funny that when I wake up and I am here writing they sleep a lot and they stay calmed...hahaha :P

I started then to allow guilt and regret; is a point I am just seeing there waiting for me, but I no take action. Is like fear of loss; yes, I hide there and also I think that I have to take advantage/benefit from that as long as possible. I defend that pattern with 'sword and cape'.
I stayed more time in bed - like 1 hour more or so - complaining, and with laziness I wake up and I started to feed my cats, to change my bed and to start my day.

I started to write out what I was feeling and thinking. I started to knit and to complete the orders I have from my friends and other people that have seen the things I do. And I observed I repeat the Exclamation and back-chats: ´¡Uff!', ¡I have many things to do still! ¡uff! I am tired. I have defined towards that words and exclamations that I unconsciously say them even if I am joking.
Also checking the orders and complaining for the quantity of dolls an specific client asked me to do: 'Why she/he doesn´t asked me less?! I should´ve asked less. uff!
I write all that down. Also participating in fears and anticipating to the final results and imagining always the worst within the situation; like hurting my hands or my friends and people getting mad at me cause I am not doing their orders quickly.

Like I said I write all that down to Expose it and to work with it.

So here I Start.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on my sleeping-patterns.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotional experience of commodity within my Sleeping - placing a value to that pattern, instead of seeing it as a normal physical situation where the physical body rests and not giving power to my MCS oversleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get mad when I can´t sleep the time I want.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to completely direct myself and Stand from the pattern of over-sleeping; cause I have placed a lot of value to the feelings and emotions I have when I am sleep.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself when I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am powerless infront of that pattern.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in Self-interest around this pattern, cause I have it as a way to scape from reality the time I want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to protect this behaviour I have to over-sleep, instead of realizing the one that is protecting is the mind and thus I am not taking self-direction, self-responsability and I am allowing dishonesties within myself and with my reality.
I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this comfort and commodity. I realize is the fear I have to face myself and to stand and make something, moving myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and be one and equal to my thoughts and back-chats saying that: I need to sleep more time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with over-sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value to my emotions and feelings around my experience within sleeping more time that is required.

I commit myself to stand up from this pattern of over sleeping and from placing value to my thoughts, feelings and emotions instead of me placing myself here and not giving my power away to consciousness.
I commit myself to stop placing value to things out-side of myself that are just creating more abuse and dishonesties within myself and within others.
I commit myself to work with this pattern and Act in the moment and stopping my thoughts, feelings and emotions around this to wake up and to stand up from over-sleeping.

Every time I see myself participating in the feelings, emotions - desires of sleeping more hours, instead of Standing Up and move myself as the physical, I observe myself, I realize the pattern, I stop, I breathe, I place myself here, I ground myself here and I stand from this pattern and Immediately without thinking I wake up, I move myself as the physical and I stop over-sleeping.

So, I commit myself to Stand and wake up in the moment of breath, not giving my power away to Mind C. systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with my cats because they were making a lot of noise in my room and I wanted to sleep more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger towards my cats because they were making a lot of noise and I wanted to sleep more time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and desperation when an opportunity to change gets in my way - instead of taking that opportunity as me to wake up and stand and to stop abuse and dishonesties within myself.

I commit myself to be aware of the Assistance that is Here for me and comes from others as myself - in this case my cats and my dogs also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and emotional experience of tiredness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness exists within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to a system named as tiredness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive Tiredness as something not so bad within myself.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to investigate within myself when my physical body gets tired separately from my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed participation in the mind within mind-exclamations such as 'uff!' regarding to the emotion of tiredness and laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed back-chats and thoughts related to emotions such as tiredness; repeating in my head ¡Uff! and feeling tired.,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in tiredness.

I commit myself to correct that pattern within myself to say mentally ¡¡Uff! linked to tiredness.
Everytime I see myself participating in tiredness and in those back.chats; I stop and I breathe, I clear myself and i direct myself with the breath and I Bring myself here and I keep doing what I am doing in Simplicity
I stop and I correct myself from those patterns and behaviours.
I commit myself to not participate within Tiredness and within Resistances.
I stop Resistances.

I am not tiredness.
I am not my feelings and emotions

I am self.commitment.
I am Constant
I am Life
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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day# 6 - Being dependant, distractions and other points.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking by my own and thus have the necessity to need someone else to be and to join me in situations and experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in fears and insecurities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need someone else near me when I go out cause I am so distracted that I may do something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do things wrong when I go out alone, that is why I need someone - for example my mother to ground myself; thus, not realizing I am abdicating Responsability and giving away my Direction, not being my Directive Principle of me in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as distractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant of an emotion, a feeling - of the mind - to hide myself from Responsabilities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do things wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on the idea that my mother and others are going to be always here to help me; thus I can divert my attention to another things and not take responsability in 'necessary' things, such as knowing the day when the house-services are paid, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to catalog things within my life as necessary and unnecessary; participating in polarities, defining things instead of being equal and one with all this is here as myself and knowing everything that is here that has to be done to assist myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait until my mom goes out to plan the things I have to do, instead of moving myself alone to control and direct my 'pending' things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the reality with insecurity and anxiety.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to move myself alone - as all - and not wait until others do or not do, thus moving myself here in the physical realizing that I am the creator and director of my reality; making the things happen. Making the things that are the best for all to happen.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am abusing the others which I am dependant on - instead of being one and equal to them and stand next to them as equals and take care of the same things and more as two people agreeing and moving to to something here that may assist us, or assist others at the same time.


I commit myself to stop all insecurities and fears within me.
I commit myself to stop all fears to move and direct myself within my reality.


When and as I see myself participating in fears of walking alone within some experience within my life. I stop and I clear myself. I breathe. I realize that fears exists only in my mind and happens only in my mind and taking responsability of me and my life has nothing to do with emotions and feelings.
I walk and I face my reality, knowing also that no one can live my life and I cannot live another´s life.


When and as I see myself needing to depend on someone else to do things I stop, I breathe; I clear myself and I move directly to complete the point I need without the need of others to depend on. Realizing that dependency is an abuse within myself and within others.


I commit myself to stop dependence on things outside of myself.
I am one and equal to all within my life so also I commit to stop fears and insecurities towards my reality.
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Cathy
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Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by Cathy »

Very cool to hear you Jessie
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JessicaArias
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Joined: 11 Apr 2012, 05:41

Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day # 7 --- Addicted to emotions and feelings

Here I´ll be following with my patterns of over-sleeping as an addiction I created within myself.
I am addicted to that comfort feeling my bed gives.


I am trying to remember since when I became addicted to this feelings around being sleep. I remember when I was a child I wake up very early and I didn´t had this pattern of wanting to be more time in bed.
Maybe it can be something linked to my school...I know is something about hiding; but I cant observe within my memories which situation within my life took me to create this addiction.
Well, Is a process and I´ll find out, the thing now is that I want to stand from this pattern as a limitation point within my life, and not being the Directive Point within this and having the sleeping point as an assistance to my body; for my body to rest and just that. And not giving power and feeding my Mind C. Systems.




***




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and within my mind consciousness systems and defined myself as one and equal to the systems integrated within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Mind C. System.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of desire and need of over-sleeping/staying more time in bed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being possessed by patterns and behaviours - in this case over-sleeping - and thinking and beLIEving that they are more powerful than me; thus I cannot stand from that and transcend that point.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of addiction to sleep by forming a relationship with my Mind C. Systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sleep-patterns as a point where I can suppress and hide myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide from my reality, instead of being here as the Directive Principle of my world and myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with Sleep within my mind that I use to suppress myself and to hide from myself and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and safe while I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the emotions of comfort that I feel when I am sleeping.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to sleep more than 6 hours to feel rested and to feel clear within my day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better time to wake up is when I don´t feel that pressure in my head.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to take direction and Responsability of myself in waking up when I have to, not when my mind says so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my Power away and my direction to the mind.


I forgive myself to accept and allow letting the responsability of myself in other hands.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate Responsability and direction giving to others and to other things the power to direct me, instead of Directing me in Every moment of breath, here.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as the directive Principle of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as less than others to Direct me within my Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself, suppress myself and so create a relationship as an addiction to something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to Suppress myself and hide from myself - evading myself to not take Self-Direction,Self-Responsability and be the Directive Principle of me and my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to forget about the experience of myself.


(¡surprising how this all links to the those points of Insecurities, fears and self-invalidations I am still accepting ...wow!)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the experience I have of myself; thus accepting and allowing self-invalidations, abuse and dishonesties and that´s why I create addictions to mind-systems to divert from standing and taking Responsability from myself and my world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat me as non-worthy of being here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my mind in past experiences where I as a child was diminished by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use those past experiences to abuse myself and to cause harm to myself, instead of bringing all that here as myself and start forgiving it more precisely.


I commit myself to stop Relationships with my Mind C. Systems as a defence-mechanism to avoid facing myself.
I commit myself to face myself in every moment of breath and stop fears and abuse within myself.


When and as I see myself experiencing a desire and a Need to participate within my addiction to sleep - better said - when I see myself desiring and needing to stay more in bed I realize is the mechanism I accepted and allowed within myself to suppress and hide from myself so, I breathe and I clear myself. I face myself and I Stop my fears and my desires to hide from my self. I stand and I direct myself in the physical.
I write out what I am experiencing to bring everything back here and apply the Self-forgiveness on that.


I commit myself to investigate more fondly where and when I accepted myself to hide from hiding from myself and to forget my experience of myself.


When and as I see myself diminishing within my mind - feeling less than, feeling non-worthy and wanting to evade myself from reality, I Breathe, I stop, I direct myself here to Stand and to face myself here and to be the Directive principle wthin my mind.


I am not afraid of being the Directive Principle of my life.


I commit myself to be and Stand as the the Directive Principle.




I commit myself to follow opening more layers of this point.
User avatar
JessicaArias
Posts: 47
Joined: 11 Apr 2012, 05:41

Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

User avatar
JessicaArias
Posts: 47
Joined: 11 Apr 2012, 05:41

Re: Jessica´s Journey to Life

Post by JessicaArias »

Day# 40 - My character of 'Cat Fanatic'

Ok, so - I have another cat. The other day I heard a cat meowing outside my house and I look through the window and I saw this little cat crossing from the other street directly to my house when she hears me meowing too.
Since I was little I have this behaviour of meowing like a cat and they answers me - is very funny, and well, in this occasion was the same. I was meowing and she answered me and came to my house. I began acting this character of a cat lover and I participated in anxiety, desires and wants to go to cuddle it and I did. I fed him and my cats saw her. Then I closed the door and I left her outside - feeling bad cause I have a lot of animals in my house and the money is a big issue lol. So I stopped this systems inside and I came to my room - thinking and imagining her in the streets, alone and hungry - OMG! LOL.


I came here to write in Spanish and I did my SF and well, the day after I hear her out of my room´s window and I hear also kids around her saying ugly things and I reacted - I step out of my bed where I was knitting and I told my mom about the cat. Of course she reacted in worries and angry at me due to seeing me wanting to take another cat.






But well, I walk with my dogs and I saw her and she came with me she began following me but Chester bark her and she ran away - So I let my dogs in my house and I returned again to see the cat with food and she ate the food I gave her. Again as usually, the cat started to follow me and Here she is! I have 8 cats LOL!!! and a 'worry' to find a job quickly to assist my house.


I am selling also knitted dolls and accessories and I have an amount of Money entering, but is not what I earned in my last job...


Well, SO here is my Self-Forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiousness and nervousness by hearing the cat meowing outside, like in other times when I hear cats and dogs outside and those are the trigger points for me to participate in worries and in mind-fantasies about them in danger and me wanting to take care of them and rescuing them


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in desires of helping and taking care of animals I saw on the streets. I realise that real care doesn´t exist within and as the mind and I am just feeding separation and abuse within and as me.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand that this character of a cat fanatic is not based in equality and oneness- in honesty and responsability - is based in mind-desires, wants and needs to fill this space created due to creating this character since the starting point of my mind - desires and needs, insecurities and thus polarities.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand the separation I establish within and as myself and my cats cause I create a relationship with them since the starting point of my mind egos - desires and needs.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach an animal - cat or dog - as a character and not realising the abuse and separation I am creating since seeing others with the eyes of the mind and so not being here within and as equality and oneness with them


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obtain keeping cats with me since the starting point of the mind as separation - as fears as desires to fullfill the wants of having animals and not since the starting point of common sense.




I commit myself to show how Human beings abuse animals within and as accepting the mind direct us to create a desire an a need to cover a mind-image of having a pet in house etc.


I commit myself to show we all are abusers since the point that we allow the mind to control how we relate ourselves with others since the starting point of desires, needs, fears, insecurities. etc
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