Day 26: How Great Is Our God?!
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... r-god.html
Jessica's Journey to Life
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 28: Of course God is Pro-Life
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -life.html
This is a continuation to Day 27: It's ALL God's Fault
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I don't believe in God then I will be punished in excruciating painful ways because I didn't allow myself to think/believe that God is the only way - within this I would imagine/project to a mere illusion to what would/wouldn't happen if I stopped believing in God because I would then fear what would/wouldn't happen if I somehow was fucking with myself that God was real and so when I would die God would be severely pissed off at me because I didn't believe in him when/as I was on Earth and that all the pain I went through was a test to see if I would still place/project faith/hope in God - therefore - I would time-loop to continuously think/believe that God is the only way because my starting-point was FEAR and so I would do everything in my delusional power to be/become a good little CharACTer because I didn't want to be punished in a excruciating torturous way - I now see, realize and understand that my entire starting-point of believing in God was FEAR to do everything to not face the consequences/punishment and so I have never connected the dots that if God was this benevolent being we wouldn't be facing our consequences/punishment within/as a starting point of complete petrification to merely seeing, realizing and understanding our self-responsibility within and as facing consequences/punishment by/through a starting-point of complete petrification is in essence another control tactic defense mechanism and is not in anyway showing/revealing the actualities of self-responsibility but a time-loop to thinking/believing God is going to basically guilt trip our asses to continue enslaving/limiting ourselves to a mere idea/belief of what does/doesn't happen in the After Life - I now see, realize and understand that what does/doesn't happen in the After Life is ludicrous because I was merely placing/projecting what I don't know as a control tactic to remain a mere slave/CharACTer because I was too busy worrying about what is/isn't going to happen in the After Life to the extent wherein I would live my Li (f) e in a complete starting-point of FEAR because of thinking/believing that if I don't think/believe that God is the only way that I will be punished in excruciating pain - therefore - I never considered now much pain my human physical body goes through on a daily-basis from my petrification of FEAR that I live throughout my day to day basis and so I was too busy focusing on what would happen/might happen instead of actually looking at what I can do in this very moment - to make the most of every single breath to finally decide who I am/could be - to finally in-fact make a decision that stands for Life - therefore - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that God is real and that if I don't believe that God is the only way that I will go through excruciating pain and so I allow myself to understand that my physical body and those that are suffering throughout the world are going through pain and so my whining/complaining backchat is pointless/meaningless because it never considered the actualities of pain that is happening here as I'm typing out these words.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that God has never/will never give a fuck about any of us as this physical reality is a confirmation that we must be our own Gods because all what we been doing is creating these what if scenarios within and as ourselves to stop ourselves to have a look at what we have become - within this whenever I would take a moment to seriously consider what is happening to this world/reality there would be this voice that I would allow that God will be severely pissed off and make me go through a lot pain and so I never considered/taken into consideration the pain that is occurring throughout the world and within and as ourselves because we have limited/enslaved ourselves to such an extent that we live in a starting-point of complete petrification of our own FEAR to maintain our illusion/delusion to remain fucking with ourselves for absolutely nothing - to merely remain worshipping some fucked up God that never existed in the first place - I now see, realize and understand that the FEAR I self-created was a scapegoat to always live my Li (f)e as though God will just reach out through and as the clouds and punish me and so I never had investigated that I was living my LIfE to a God that couldn't ever/never exist because how we as human beings have become and this physical reality is but another confirmation that there has never/ever been any God and so its time for us to become our own Gods - I do not accept or allow myself to continuously live my LIfE in a starting-point of complete petrification of my own FEAR that I created to purposely/deliberately spend my LIfE out of FEAR to continue fucking with myself my entire LIfE worrying about the next big thing I do will be dissected by God - therefore - I have never considered that what I do/don't do has everything to do with LIFE to how I will spend my time in this Earth to create a Life that is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to ever consider/take into consideration what is Best for All Life because I was too busy worrying about each and every action being good enough/not good enough for some God that was only self-created in my mind because I thought/believed that if I wasn't a good little CharACTer that God would put me through a torturous punishment/consequence at Death and so I never had spent every each and every action on what is Best for All Life wherein I must be self-honest to not continuously live my LIfE living out in complete petrification of my own FEAR because I was too busy focusing on the After Life and not what is Best for All Life - within this I never understood that myself wasting/waiting/postponing my Life/Process has nothing to do with God but to always live my life as though it will end in any moment because this physical reality is unexpected to who will and won't die because we all were too busy creating Gods within and as our minds to save ourselves apparently from self-responsibility and so we chose to live our lives throughout the starting-point of complete petrification of our own FEAR because we have been hiding/suppressing what it is were actually afraid of - therefore - this entire time all what I was fearing was myself to actually trust myself to no longer live my LIfE worrying about being something for someone because I now, see, realize and understand that its all I been doing throughout my Life/Process - trying/attaining/attempting to live my LIfE for someone because I have always been scared shitless to just be with myself to no longer live my LIfE for some God that never gave a fuck in the first place - I do not accept or allow myself to waste/wait for some God that never in the end had taken in the majority into account and so the only way for there to be no more FEAR to no longer live our LIvES in complete petrification of our own FEAR is to be our own Gods to understand that the only way for this world to work is a Life Equal for All wherein nobody will be governed by FEAR but a Life that is certain to be lived and expressed no matter what.
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -life.html
This is a continuation to Day 27: It's ALL God's Fault
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I don't believe in God then I will be punished in excruciating painful ways because I didn't allow myself to think/believe that God is the only way - within this I would imagine/project to a mere illusion to what would/wouldn't happen if I stopped believing in God because I would then fear what would/wouldn't happen if I somehow was fucking with myself that God was real and so when I would die God would be severely pissed off at me because I didn't believe in him when/as I was on Earth and that all the pain I went through was a test to see if I would still place/project faith/hope in God - therefore - I would time-loop to continuously think/believe that God is the only way because my starting-point was FEAR and so I would do everything in my delusional power to be/become a good little CharACTer because I didn't want to be punished in a excruciating torturous way - I now see, realize and understand that my entire starting-point of believing in God was FEAR to do everything to not face the consequences/punishment and so I have never connected the dots that if God was this benevolent being we wouldn't be facing our consequences/punishment within/as a starting point of complete petrification to merely seeing, realizing and understanding our self-responsibility within and as facing consequences/punishment by/through a starting-point of complete petrification is in essence another control tactic defense mechanism and is not in anyway showing/revealing the actualities of self-responsibility but a time-loop to thinking/believing God is going to basically guilt trip our asses to continue enslaving/limiting ourselves to a mere idea/belief of what does/doesn't happen in the After Life - I now see, realize and understand that what does/doesn't happen in the After Life is ludicrous because I was merely placing/projecting what I don't know as a control tactic to remain a mere slave/CharACTer because I was too busy worrying about what is/isn't going to happen in the After Life to the extent wherein I would live my Li (f) e in a complete starting-point of FEAR because of thinking/believing that if I don't think/believe that God is the only way that I will be punished in excruciating pain - therefore - I never considered now much pain my human physical body goes through on a daily-basis from my petrification of FEAR that I live throughout my day to day basis and so I was too busy focusing on what would happen/might happen instead of actually looking at what I can do in this very moment - to make the most of every single breath to finally decide who I am/could be - to finally in-fact make a decision that stands for Life - therefore - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that God is real and that if I don't believe that God is the only way that I will go through excruciating pain and so I allow myself to understand that my physical body and those that are suffering throughout the world are going through pain and so my whining/complaining backchat is pointless/meaningless because it never considered the actualities of pain that is happening here as I'm typing out these words.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that God has never/will never give a fuck about any of us as this physical reality is a confirmation that we must be our own Gods because all what we been doing is creating these what if scenarios within and as ourselves to stop ourselves to have a look at what we have become - within this whenever I would take a moment to seriously consider what is happening to this world/reality there would be this voice that I would allow that God will be severely pissed off and make me go through a lot pain and so I never considered/taken into consideration the pain that is occurring throughout the world and within and as ourselves because we have limited/enslaved ourselves to such an extent that we live in a starting-point of complete petrification of our own FEAR to maintain our illusion/delusion to remain fucking with ourselves for absolutely nothing - to merely remain worshipping some fucked up God that never existed in the first place - I now see, realize and understand that the FEAR I self-created was a scapegoat to always live my Li (f)e as though God will just reach out through and as the clouds and punish me and so I never had investigated that I was living my LIfE to a God that couldn't ever/never exist because how we as human beings have become and this physical reality is but another confirmation that there has never/ever been any God and so its time for us to become our own Gods - I do not accept or allow myself to continuously live my LIfE in a starting-point of complete petrification of my own FEAR that I created to purposely/deliberately spend my LIfE out of FEAR to continue fucking with myself my entire LIfE worrying about the next big thing I do will be dissected by God - therefore - I have never considered that what I do/don't do has everything to do with LIFE to how I will spend my time in this Earth to create a Life that is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to ever consider/take into consideration what is Best for All Life because I was too busy worrying about each and every action being good enough/not good enough for some God that was only self-created in my mind because I thought/believed that if I wasn't a good little CharACTer that God would put me through a torturous punishment/consequence at Death and so I never had spent every each and every action on what is Best for All Life wherein I must be self-honest to not continuously live my LIfE living out in complete petrification of my own FEAR because I was too busy focusing on the After Life and not what is Best for All Life - within this I never understood that myself wasting/waiting/postponing my Life/Process has nothing to do with God but to always live my life as though it will end in any moment because this physical reality is unexpected to who will and won't die because we all were too busy creating Gods within and as our minds to save ourselves apparently from self-responsibility and so we chose to live our lives throughout the starting-point of complete petrification of our own FEAR because we have been hiding/suppressing what it is were actually afraid of - therefore - this entire time all what I was fearing was myself to actually trust myself to no longer live my LIfE worrying about being something for someone because I now, see, realize and understand that its all I been doing throughout my Life/Process - trying/attaining/attempting to live my LIfE for someone because I have always been scared shitless to just be with myself to no longer live my LIfE for some God that never gave a fuck in the first place - I do not accept or allow myself to waste/wait for some God that never in the end had taken in the majority into account and so the only way for there to be no more FEAR to no longer live our LIvES in complete petrification of our own FEAR is to be our own Gods to understand that the only way for this world to work is a Life Equal for All wherein nobody will be governed by FEAR but a Life that is certain to be lived and expressed no matter what.
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 29: Part 1 - The PATHoLOGICAL Liar
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -liar.html
Honesty for myself was always never about being a self-honest being because I was merely trying/attaining/attempting to have morality - to be/become someone that will do everything in his/her delusional power to maintain the idea that when were in the moment apparently being honest it was always in complete petrification of my own fear because in a moment when I'm claiming/assuming/perceiving that I'm being honest it is in the starting-point that I will be punished or consequence will a wait at my door-step - therefore - its quite fascinating how I have deliberately/purposely allowed myself to spill me guts out, sort of speak - from a starting-point that always involved myself not being true to myself within and self-honesty because I was too busy assuming/perceiving/claiming that I'm the victim to/towards honesty because I'll be punished and consequence will get my ass, wherein - it was always about my own self-interest to use/abuse the whole self-victimization fiasco as the perfect justification/excuse to actually be self-honest human being because I allowed myself to place/project myself within and as separation to/towards honesty because it turned/transformed into another form for myself to maintain my delusion/illusion that I can never be a self-honest human being because the people in my outer-reality won't be able to take it - therefore - I have never considered/taken into consideration that being a self-honest being does not mean spewing shit to the people in my outer-reality because I'm trying/attaining/attempting to prove something to myself that I'm changing because I'm apparently standing up and so I didn't understand that self-honesty doesn't come within and as spewing words to people but to take each moment within and as breath to be self-honesty when I'm allowing myself to purposely/deliberately allow backdoors for myself to remain nothing more and nothing less then a CharACTer/Slave to ultimately myself to reach my utmost potential. And so its quite fascinating how I have assumed/perceived/claimed that self-honest entails vocalizing myself to others wherein I'm actually trying/attaining/attempting to reach some point of change that always involved an idea/belief/assumption/perception about what it means to be a self-honest being - therefore - Honesty is essentially an idea/belief/assumption/perception in the mind that one is doing the right thing but is merely fueling/powering the mind because the starting-point was always to maintain the illusion/delusion of change because that's what honesty has become - We assume/perceive/claim that when were being honesty there is a change/transformation that occurs because we look at everyone else in our outer-reality and interpret everyone has suppressing/hiding what they actually want to say - therefore - we just remain quiet throughout our lives but when we apparently make the decision to be honest were something special because nobody else seems to be doing it when in actuality were all the same boat within/as our self-dishonesties.
Honesty in my case begins with the Parents because you're told that you must be a good little CharACTer/Slave because if you aren't then you will be punished and consequence always equaled bad because you would usually have a lot threats that if you do this then I'm going to do this to you that usually involved getting smacked or being depirved of something that I enjoyed doing as a child – therefore – I would do everything in my delusional power to never being a bad little girl but more then anything it had a lot to do with my self-image at such a young age because I would fear that if I did do something about that the grown ups would think ill of me and so I wouldn't be their favorite good little girl anymore – therefore – I feared the most losing people's ideas/beliefs about who they thought I was and so I self-sabotaged myself throughout my Li (f) e to maintain the delusion/illusion that I wasn't compromising myself in every possible way to express myself because I feared what would happen if I wasn't what my Parents and everyone in my outer-reality apparently wanted/desire me to be/become and so I would spend my Li (f) e being/becoming quite fearful if I were to lose the image that everyone placed/projected onto me – wherein I was losing in the end the actual opportunity it is to be here in this physical reality and share/express ourselves because I would waste/wait for another compliment from someone from my outer-reality to dictate who I am/could be in this Life because I throughout my Life have become so fearful of what would/wouldn't happen if no longer was spending my Life trying/attaining/attempting to be someone/someone that I wouldn't know how to live my Li (f) e anymore – essentially, this is what comes a lot now within/as myself because I made the decision that I can no longer be/become just another CharACTer/Slave because I've never done this and nobody had ever chose to be a self-honest person and so I would at times not know how to live my Life anymore because I would within/as moments think/believe that I have to Live our some manual because that's what I been doing throughout my Life – Living out a manual to/towards what everyone in my outer-reality wanted/desire me to be/become and so I assumed/perceived/claimed that there is only one way to Live and that way is a mere self-image because I never considered/taken into consideration that nobody can know how to live because all what we been doing is knowing to live our lives through and as knowledge/information because we never understood what it in-fact means to live our words to be/become a self-honest being that cares about Life that is Best for All – to no longer allow ourselves to be scared shitless that self-honesty is impossible because it was already a part of ourselves from the very beginning because it always considered what is Best for All Life.
To Be Continued...
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -liar.html
Honesty for myself was always never about being a self-honest being because I was merely trying/attaining/attempting to have morality - to be/become someone that will do everything in his/her delusional power to maintain the idea that when were in the moment apparently being honest it was always in complete petrification of my own fear because in a moment when I'm claiming/assuming/perceiving that I'm being honest it is in the starting-point that I will be punished or consequence will a wait at my door-step - therefore - its quite fascinating how I have deliberately/purposely allowed myself to spill me guts out, sort of speak - from a starting-point that always involved myself not being true to myself within and self-honesty because I was too busy assuming/perceiving/claiming that I'm the victim to/towards honesty because I'll be punished and consequence will get my ass, wherein - it was always about my own self-interest to use/abuse the whole self-victimization fiasco as the perfect justification/excuse to actually be self-honest human being because I allowed myself to place/project myself within and as separation to/towards honesty because it turned/transformed into another form for myself to maintain my delusion/illusion that I can never be a self-honest human being because the people in my outer-reality won't be able to take it - therefore - I have never considered/taken into consideration that being a self-honest being does not mean spewing shit to the people in my outer-reality because I'm trying/attaining/attempting to prove something to myself that I'm changing because I'm apparently standing up and so I didn't understand that self-honesty doesn't come within and as spewing words to people but to take each moment within and as breath to be self-honesty when I'm allowing myself to purposely/deliberately allow backdoors for myself to remain nothing more and nothing less then a CharACTer/Slave to ultimately myself to reach my utmost potential. And so its quite fascinating how I have assumed/perceived/claimed that self-honest entails vocalizing myself to others wherein I'm actually trying/attaining/attempting to reach some point of change that always involved an idea/belief/assumption/perception about what it means to be a self-honest being - therefore - Honesty is essentially an idea/belief/assumption/perception in the mind that one is doing the right thing but is merely fueling/powering the mind because the starting-point was always to maintain the illusion/delusion of change because that's what honesty has become - We assume/perceive/claim that when were being honesty there is a change/transformation that occurs because we look at everyone else in our outer-reality and interpret everyone has suppressing/hiding what they actually want to say - therefore - we just remain quiet throughout our lives but when we apparently make the decision to be honest were something special because nobody else seems to be doing it when in actuality were all the same boat within/as our self-dishonesties.
Honesty in my case begins with the Parents because you're told that you must be a good little CharACTer/Slave because if you aren't then you will be punished and consequence always equaled bad because you would usually have a lot threats that if you do this then I'm going to do this to you that usually involved getting smacked or being depirved of something that I enjoyed doing as a child – therefore – I would do everything in my delusional power to never being a bad little girl but more then anything it had a lot to do with my self-image at such a young age because I would fear that if I did do something about that the grown ups would think ill of me and so I wouldn't be their favorite good little girl anymore – therefore – I feared the most losing people's ideas/beliefs about who they thought I was and so I self-sabotaged myself throughout my Li (f) e to maintain the delusion/illusion that I wasn't compromising myself in every possible way to express myself because I feared what would happen if I wasn't what my Parents and everyone in my outer-reality apparently wanted/desire me to be/become and so I would spend my Li (f) e being/becoming quite fearful if I were to lose the image that everyone placed/projected onto me – wherein I was losing in the end the actual opportunity it is to be here in this physical reality and share/express ourselves because I would waste/wait for another compliment from someone from my outer-reality to dictate who I am/could be in this Life because I throughout my Life have become so fearful of what would/wouldn't happen if no longer was spending my Life trying/attaining/attempting to be someone/someone that I wouldn't know how to live my Li (f) e anymore – essentially, this is what comes a lot now within/as myself because I made the decision that I can no longer be/become just another CharACTer/Slave because I've never done this and nobody had ever chose to be a self-honest person and so I would at times not know how to live my Life anymore because I would within/as moments think/believe that I have to Live our some manual because that's what I been doing throughout my Life – Living out a manual to/towards what everyone in my outer-reality wanted/desire me to be/become and so I assumed/perceived/claimed that there is only one way to Live and that way is a mere self-image because I never considered/taken into consideration that nobody can know how to live because all what we been doing is knowing to live our lives through and as knowledge/information because we never understood what it in-fact means to live our words to be/become a self-honest being that cares about Life that is Best for All – to no longer allow ourselves to be scared shitless that self-honesty is impossible because it was already a part of ourselves from the very beginning because it always considered what is Best for All Life.
To Be Continued...
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 30: BULLSHIT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... ealth.html
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in honesty to avoid/not face the fact that I'm purposely/deliberately not being honest but I'm avoiding consequence/punishment because of thinking/believing that someone/something will come and get me if I'm not a good little CharACTer – within this I use/abuse honesty for my own self-interest because it was never about assisting/supporting myself to be self-honest to actually trust myself to not lie to myself but the perfect ploy to remain a good little CharACTer that does no wrong because I fear actually facing what would happen if I wasn't bullshitting everyone and ultimately myself, and so I allowed myself to not assist/support myself because I deliberately/purposely allowed myself to allow an emotional reaction of FEAR to over-power me because I knew within myself that I could just bullshit myself and those around me and it would be acceptable to ensure that I remain a Slave/CharACTer that doesn't stand up in anyway because I was too busy worrying about my own self-interest to investigate that self-honesty doesn't mean my world/reality going to shreds because I'm spewing tons of shit but knowing when I'm suppressing/hiding behind expressing/sharing myself in the moment. I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely allowing myself to participate and experience FEAR to not face the fact that I'm suppressing/hiding the fact that I'm here, and so I have the power to be/become the self-directive principle to direct the FEAR within and as me as a flag-point to investigate why/how I'm bullshitting myself and those around me because its apparently easier for myself to never change – I do not accept or allow myself to continue purposely/deliberately being honest from the starting-point of avoiding consequence/punishment – When and as I see myself being honest from the starting-point of trying/attempting/attaining to have morality to avoid punishment, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here – I now see, realize and understand that wanting/desiring to have morality at this point is pretty stupid because all what I've been doing is suppressing/hiding what is actually here and no morality can hide the fact that all what I've been doing throughout my life is doing what is always easier for myself in the system – therefore – I allow myself to take a step back and breathe when/as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to be/become someone that is apparently moral when all what I have done is avoid/not face the morality at Life in this moment, and so morality doesn't exist in any shape/form because we lose our chances/opportunity/breaths to be/become a self-honest being just because its not easier.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when/as I'm in the moment spilling my guts out it was from the starting-point of the FEAR that I was participating and experiencing myself as because I feared what would happen if I wasn't honest in the moment – within this its as though I place/project everyone outward in the moment when/as I'm being dishonest as though everyone can tell when I'm lying or when I'm telling the truth and if the person doesn't say anything I think/believe that they already know I'm lying and I'm being tested somehow, and so I would use this throughout my physical reality as a defense mechanism to actually be self-honest -therefore – this apparent lie detector device I created within and as my mind would be my survival guide to seeing when to be honest or when to be self-honest because I was always about my own self-interest to survive in this world/reality because I never allowed myself to realize that we must dress ourselves with CharACTers on purpose to make it in this system because rather we like it or not money rules us all, and so that doesn't mean I have to react in fear because I was merely assisting/supporting myself to be/become financially-stable from that starting-point – I now see, realize and understand that there are certain moments wherein one must dress up certain CharACTers to survive in this world-system but that doesn't mean that self is being dishonest, and so there is no excuse to not be self-honest within and as this world-system because as long as self isn't compromising oneself in the moment in an abusive manner then there really is no excuse to not face anyone at this point because its apparently not easier – I do not accept or allow myself to continuously use/abuse my mind as some lie detector to survive in this world/reality because of my own fear to be self-honest and so if the starting-point is to assist/support financially to be/become a part of the system then the lie detector would be valid to not allow any abusive bullshitt – When and as I see myself assuming/perceiving that someone can tell or not tell when I'm lying, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here – I now see, realize and understand that at the end of the day I'm not some fucking mind-reader and so I allow myself to be/become a part of this world-system from a self-honest starting-point to understand that compromise comes the moment that I'm not here as breath as self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a good little CharACTer by/through trying/attaining/attempting to be/become honest wherein I'm actually manipulating myself in the process because I was merely only being honest to tell the apparent truth – therefore – I never considered/take into consideration that if I'm trying to tell the truth from the starting-point of FEAR because it suits the situation and myself to make myself look better I'm only being self-dishonest, and so there is no actual truth from the get go because I never in the end gave a fuck about telling the truth but it was just another form for myself to make myself look better- within this I would do everything in my delusional power to maintain the idea/belief that everything is fine and dandy because I'm apparently being and becoming a better person for always telling the truth from the starting-point that its conveinent for myself to be honest because apparently one has to have certain instances wherein honesty is needed and others I can just lie my ass off because I have never understood what self-honesty in practical-application means and so honesty was just another manipulation point to make myself look like some benevolment chick that was always doing the right thing – I now see, realize and understand that I was merely fucking with myself to maintain the delusional idea/belief hat honesty can only be applied when it makes me look better and when/as everything wasn't going peachy within and as my mind I would be severely pissed off to the point that I would just lie my ass off because I never understood that self-honesty is the key to actually not being and becoming some pathological liar that was only manipulating others and ultimately myself because I would do everything to maintain my self-image that I'm fucking perfect and I'm always doing the right thing – I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that I'm some benevolent honest chick, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here – I now see, realize and understand that there is nothing to prove and nothing to be/become because I am here, and so manipulating myself is unacceptable because I was merely trying/attaining/attempting to reach some self-image of honesty that only supported my own self-interest to remain nothing more and nothing less then just another Slave/CharACTer – Fascinating how telling the truth was never about telling the truth but lying my ass off to maintain the idea/belief that I'm just so freaking great!!!!!
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... ealth.html
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in honesty to avoid/not face the fact that I'm purposely/deliberately not being honest but I'm avoiding consequence/punishment because of thinking/believing that someone/something will come and get me if I'm not a good little CharACTer – within this I use/abuse honesty for my own self-interest because it was never about assisting/supporting myself to be self-honest to actually trust myself to not lie to myself but the perfect ploy to remain a good little CharACTer that does no wrong because I fear actually facing what would happen if I wasn't bullshitting everyone and ultimately myself, and so I allowed myself to not assist/support myself because I deliberately/purposely allowed myself to allow an emotional reaction of FEAR to over-power me because I knew within myself that I could just bullshit myself and those around me and it would be acceptable to ensure that I remain a Slave/CharACTer that doesn't stand up in anyway because I was too busy worrying about my own self-interest to investigate that self-honesty doesn't mean my world/reality going to shreds because I'm spewing tons of shit but knowing when I'm suppressing/hiding behind expressing/sharing myself in the moment. I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely allowing myself to participate and experience FEAR to not face the fact that I'm suppressing/hiding the fact that I'm here, and so I have the power to be/become the self-directive principle to direct the FEAR within and as me as a flag-point to investigate why/how I'm bullshitting myself and those around me because its apparently easier for myself to never change – I do not accept or allow myself to continue purposely/deliberately being honest from the starting-point of avoiding consequence/punishment – When and as I see myself being honest from the starting-point of trying/attempting/attaining to have morality to avoid punishment, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here – I now see, realize and understand that wanting/desiring to have morality at this point is pretty stupid because all what I've been doing is suppressing/hiding what is actually here and no morality can hide the fact that all what I've been doing throughout my life is doing what is always easier for myself in the system – therefore – I allow myself to take a step back and breathe when/as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to be/become someone that is apparently moral when all what I have done is avoid/not face the morality at Life in this moment, and so morality doesn't exist in any shape/form because we lose our chances/opportunity/breaths to be/become a self-honest being just because its not easier.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when/as I'm in the moment spilling my guts out it was from the starting-point of the FEAR that I was participating and experiencing myself as because I feared what would happen if I wasn't honest in the moment – within this its as though I place/project everyone outward in the moment when/as I'm being dishonest as though everyone can tell when I'm lying or when I'm telling the truth and if the person doesn't say anything I think/believe that they already know I'm lying and I'm being tested somehow, and so I would use this throughout my physical reality as a defense mechanism to actually be self-honest -therefore – this apparent lie detector device I created within and as my mind would be my survival guide to seeing when to be honest or when to be self-honest because I was always about my own self-interest to survive in this world/reality because I never allowed myself to realize that we must dress ourselves with CharACTers on purpose to make it in this system because rather we like it or not money rules us all, and so that doesn't mean I have to react in fear because I was merely assisting/supporting myself to be/become financially-stable from that starting-point – I now see, realize and understand that there are certain moments wherein one must dress up certain CharACTers to survive in this world-system but that doesn't mean that self is being dishonest, and so there is no excuse to not be self-honest within and as this world-system because as long as self isn't compromising oneself in the moment in an abusive manner then there really is no excuse to not face anyone at this point because its apparently not easier – I do not accept or allow myself to continuously use/abuse my mind as some lie detector to survive in this world/reality because of my own fear to be self-honest and so if the starting-point is to assist/support financially to be/become a part of the system then the lie detector would be valid to not allow any abusive bullshitt – When and as I see myself assuming/perceiving that someone can tell or not tell when I'm lying, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here – I now see, realize and understand that at the end of the day I'm not some fucking mind-reader and so I allow myself to be/become a part of this world-system from a self-honest starting-point to understand that compromise comes the moment that I'm not here as breath as self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a good little CharACTer by/through trying/attaining/attempting to be/become honest wherein I'm actually manipulating myself in the process because I was merely only being honest to tell the apparent truth – therefore – I never considered/take into consideration that if I'm trying to tell the truth from the starting-point of FEAR because it suits the situation and myself to make myself look better I'm only being self-dishonest, and so there is no actual truth from the get go because I never in the end gave a fuck about telling the truth but it was just another form for myself to make myself look better- within this I would do everything in my delusional power to maintain the idea/belief that everything is fine and dandy because I'm apparently being and becoming a better person for always telling the truth from the starting-point that its conveinent for myself to be honest because apparently one has to have certain instances wherein honesty is needed and others I can just lie my ass off because I have never understood what self-honesty in practical-application means and so honesty was just another manipulation point to make myself look like some benevolment chick that was always doing the right thing – I now see, realize and understand that I was merely fucking with myself to maintain the delusional idea/belief hat honesty can only be applied when it makes me look better and when/as everything wasn't going peachy within and as my mind I would be severely pissed off to the point that I would just lie my ass off because I never understood that self-honesty is the key to actually not being and becoming some pathological liar that was only manipulating others and ultimately myself because I would do everything to maintain my self-image that I'm fucking perfect and I'm always doing the right thing – I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that I'm some benevolent honest chick, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here – I now see, realize and understand that there is nothing to prove and nothing to be/become because I am here, and so manipulating myself is unacceptable because I was merely trying/attaining/attempting to reach some self-image of honesty that only supported my own self-interest to remain nothing more and nothing less then just another Slave/CharACTer – Fascinating how telling the truth was never about telling the truth but lying my ass off to maintain the idea/belief that I'm just so freaking great!!!!!
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 31 - Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -fire.html
This is a continuation to Day 30: BULLSHIT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the difference between self-honesty and honesty because I was too busy manipulating others and ultimately myself to always act in my self-interest to be/become honesty when/as it fits the situation and makes everything easier for the person and yet again myself - within this I have never understood that what is always easier or more difficult is ludicrous because if I live my Life based on what is apparently more acceptable within and as myself I'm allowing limiting/enslaving myself to who I am/could be because of always self-creating these idea/beliefs of what will make my life flow more because it was never about my anyone/anything outside myself because it was always me at the end of the day that decided that I can only live my life within and as honesty when it suits others/the situation and ultimately always myself, and so it was never self-honesty because I didn't make the decision to stand here as breath as self-expression because I claimed/assumed/perceived that its not the easier route - therefore - I have self-created the idea/belief that honesty is needed to always justify/excuse myself to not actually make the decision to stand here as breath as self-expression, and so I would do everything in my delusional power to maintain the idea/belief that I must use/abuse honesty when/as it makes myself look better to others wherein it was never about anyone else but how I actually have diminished myself to not ever just be content to stand here as breath as self-expression to be/become a self-honest being that in the end actually cared about caring for Life - to in-fact take action to no longer spew shit to others to maintain a delusion that oneself is being honest wherein I was only manipulating myself to be/become someone that only in the end was some idea/belief I self-created within and as my mind of what it means to be honest - I now see, realize and understand that I have been wasting/waiting/postponing my life/process because I have always used/abused honesty to be/become someone that has morality to always do the right thing because I was always trying/attaining/attempting to reach some idea/belief that I self-created within and as my mind for what it means to apparently be/become honest, and so I never investigated what it means in practical-application to understand that self-honesty is the only way I will ever have any morality because I actually had considered what is Best for All - therefore - what was moral in the first place to myself was spewing shit to others to make it easier for myself to continuously spend my life/process lying because its apparently the easier way out to ever consider/take into consideration that in the end I only cared about not caring about Life but to maintain my Li (f) e that I'm being honest and I'm some benevolent chick that actually considered the majority - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself and others to try/attain/attempt to be/become someone that in the end was only reaching/searching/finding some self-image within and as honesty that never existed in the first place because at the end of the day I was only feeding into my own bullshit that I was doing the right thing - There never is a right or wrong thing when it involved being self-honest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe I'm doing the right thing by manipulating others and ultimately myself because I was doing everything in my delusional power to maintain/hold onto the idea/belief that I'm doing the right thing by/through being honest - within this I have never considered/taken into consideration that I'm manipulating anyone or myself within and as self-honest because I believed/deceived myself that I'm helping everyone else in the process in my outer-reality because they won't be able to handle my self-honesty, and so being self-honest doesn't mean opening my mouth and causing conflict from a starting-point that only involved myself wanting/desiring to prove to others and ultimately myself that I'm changing because obviously change does not equal voicing myself others from a reactive starting-point to actually suppress/hide to see into and as myself that I'm in actuality never doing the right thing or wrong thing because I was stuck into polarities of the mind of who to be/not to be because I was always trying/attaining/attempting to reach a self-image of what honesty in practical-application means because I never actually investigated how/why I've been not living who I am/could be in process because I was too busy opening my mouth to others because I wanted/desired to spew shit to others that I never actually understood in the first place because all what I cared about at the end of the day was being/becoming self-righteous that my behavior to be honest to fuck with others/myself is acceptable/justifiable/excuseable to forevermore remain acting like some benevolent chick that never in the end cared about caring about life - to in-fact stand here as breath as self-expression - because it was in the end never about Life but myself to lie my ass off to screw any chance/opportunity I had to always live my Li (f)e in actual self-honesty - I now see, realize and understand that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to voice myself in the first place because I wanted/desired to cover up/suppress the point that I'm in actuality not changing in anyway but I would assume/perceive/claim that by merely voicing something that I normally wouldn't say doesn't mean that I'm being/becoming a self-honest human being but that I'm merely turning change into a CharACTer because it was always about do everything in my delusional power to think/believe that everything is peachy because everyone is reacting to my apparent self-honesty wherein it was never self-honest from the get go because I was speaking from a starting-point of wanting/desiring to change that only involved an idea/belief of what change in practical application implies - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself to maintain the delusion that voicing myself in the moment means I'm being self-honest because in the end I was being/becoming honest to my own idea/belief of what change actually means as standing here as self-expression in the moment, and so I have to consider/take into consideration that I never been honest from the get go so I must be patient with myself to understand that the morality to life doesn't come in one moment because I have spent my life self-creating honesty as manipulating myself and others and so its going to take just as long to actually understand what self-honesty in practical- application standing here as self-expression means.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider/take into consideration that self-honesty is not built in one moment but its a process of accumulation because obviously everything has steps to how it was created and so it wasn't just formed out of nowhere - within this I allow myself to understand that self-honesty is accumulated the more I'm here standing as self-expression by/through breathing in every moment, and so I have to push myself because the only other choice I have is self-honesty or self-dishonesty at this point - therefore - I have never understood that honesty was actually self-dishonesty because honesty was never about telling the truth because it always was about my starting-point of FEAR of punishment/consequence that I allowed to hold me back in the moment, and so when believed/deceived myself that I'm doing the right thing in the moment by/through being honest I was actually being self-dishonest because it was only spewing shit to others to make everyone perceive me in the way I wanted them to see - I now see, realize and understand that if I choose to make the decision to be honest its purely for my own self-interest because I now know that honesty only involve telling the truth when it apparently fit the situation or person to maintain the idea/belief I'm I'm some fucking benevolent chick that is always doing the right thing, and so I was actually telling tons of lies because I was in essence just another pathological liar walking this Planet - I do not accept or allow myself to be/become another fucked up liar because this is the last thing this world/reality needs at this moment - When and as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to be/become honest, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was in the end lying my ass off because at the end of the day I was only making myself feel better about lying to myself to cover up/suppress the FEAR of punishment/consequence that I have allowed to hold me back in the moment to in-fact accumulate self-honest - step by step - breath by breath - A Process of Accumulation.
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -fire.html
This is a continuation to Day 30: BULLSHIT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the difference between self-honesty and honesty because I was too busy manipulating others and ultimately myself to always act in my self-interest to be/become honesty when/as it fits the situation and makes everything easier for the person and yet again myself - within this I have never understood that what is always easier or more difficult is ludicrous because if I live my Life based on what is apparently more acceptable within and as myself I'm allowing limiting/enslaving myself to who I am/could be because of always self-creating these idea/beliefs of what will make my life flow more because it was never about my anyone/anything outside myself because it was always me at the end of the day that decided that I can only live my life within and as honesty when it suits others/the situation and ultimately always myself, and so it was never self-honesty because I didn't make the decision to stand here as breath as self-expression because I claimed/assumed/perceived that its not the easier route - therefore - I have self-created the idea/belief that honesty is needed to always justify/excuse myself to not actually make the decision to stand here as breath as self-expression, and so I would do everything in my delusional power to maintain the idea/belief that I must use/abuse honesty when/as it makes myself look better to others wherein it was never about anyone else but how I actually have diminished myself to not ever just be content to stand here as breath as self-expression to be/become a self-honest being that in the end actually cared about caring for Life - to in-fact take action to no longer spew shit to others to maintain a delusion that oneself is being honest wherein I was only manipulating myself to be/become someone that only in the end was some idea/belief I self-created within and as my mind of what it means to be honest - I now see, realize and understand that I have been wasting/waiting/postponing my life/process because I have always used/abused honesty to be/become someone that has morality to always do the right thing because I was always trying/attaining/attempting to reach some idea/belief that I self-created within and as my mind for what it means to apparently be/become honest, and so I never investigated what it means in practical-application to understand that self-honesty is the only way I will ever have any morality because I actually had considered what is Best for All - therefore - what was moral in the first place to myself was spewing shit to others to make it easier for myself to continuously spend my life/process lying because its apparently the easier way out to ever consider/take into consideration that in the end I only cared about not caring about Life but to maintain my Li (f) e that I'm being honest and I'm some benevolent chick that actually considered the majority - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself and others to try/attain/attempt to be/become someone that in the end was only reaching/searching/finding some self-image within and as honesty that never existed in the first place because at the end of the day I was only feeding into my own bullshit that I was doing the right thing - There never is a right or wrong thing when it involved being self-honest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe I'm doing the right thing by manipulating others and ultimately myself because I was doing everything in my delusional power to maintain/hold onto the idea/belief that I'm doing the right thing by/through being honest - within this I have never considered/taken into consideration that I'm manipulating anyone or myself within and as self-honest because I believed/deceived myself that I'm helping everyone else in the process in my outer-reality because they won't be able to handle my self-honesty, and so being self-honest doesn't mean opening my mouth and causing conflict from a starting-point that only involved myself wanting/desiring to prove to others and ultimately myself that I'm changing because obviously change does not equal voicing myself others from a reactive starting-point to actually suppress/hide to see into and as myself that I'm in actuality never doing the right thing or wrong thing because I was stuck into polarities of the mind of who to be/not to be because I was always trying/attaining/attempting to reach a self-image of what honesty in practical-application means because I never actually investigated how/why I've been not living who I am/could be in process because I was too busy opening my mouth to others because I wanted/desired to spew shit to others that I never actually understood in the first place because all what I cared about at the end of the day was being/becoming self-righteous that my behavior to be honest to fuck with others/myself is acceptable/justifiable/excuseable to forevermore remain acting like some benevolent chick that never in the end cared about caring about life - to in-fact stand here as breath as self-expression - because it was in the end never about Life but myself to lie my ass off to screw any chance/opportunity I had to always live my Li (f)e in actual self-honesty - I now see, realize and understand that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to voice myself in the first place because I wanted/desired to cover up/suppress the point that I'm in actuality not changing in anyway but I would assume/perceive/claim that by merely voicing something that I normally wouldn't say doesn't mean that I'm being/becoming a self-honest human being but that I'm merely turning change into a CharACTer because it was always about do everything in my delusional power to think/believe that everything is peachy because everyone is reacting to my apparent self-honesty wherein it was never self-honest from the get go because I was speaking from a starting-point of wanting/desiring to change that only involved an idea/belief of what change in practical application implies - I do not accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself to maintain the delusion that voicing myself in the moment means I'm being self-honest because in the end I was being/becoming honest to my own idea/belief of what change actually means as standing here as self-expression in the moment, and so I have to consider/take into consideration that I never been honest from the get go so I must be patient with myself to understand that the morality to life doesn't come in one moment because I have spent my life self-creating honesty as manipulating myself and others and so its going to take just as long to actually understand what self-honesty in practical- application standing here as self-expression means.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider/take into consideration that self-honesty is not built in one moment but its a process of accumulation because obviously everything has steps to how it was created and so it wasn't just formed out of nowhere - within this I allow myself to understand that self-honesty is accumulated the more I'm here standing as self-expression by/through breathing in every moment, and so I have to push myself because the only other choice I have is self-honesty or self-dishonesty at this point - therefore - I have never understood that honesty was actually self-dishonesty because honesty was never about telling the truth because it always was about my starting-point of FEAR of punishment/consequence that I allowed to hold me back in the moment, and so when believed/deceived myself that I'm doing the right thing in the moment by/through being honest I was actually being self-dishonest because it was only spewing shit to others to make everyone perceive me in the way I wanted them to see - I now see, realize and understand that if I choose to make the decision to be honest its purely for my own self-interest because I now know that honesty only involve telling the truth when it apparently fit the situation or person to maintain the idea/belief I'm I'm some fucking benevolent chick that is always doing the right thing, and so I was actually telling tons of lies because I was in essence just another pathological liar walking this Planet - I do not accept or allow myself to be/become another fucked up liar because this is the last thing this world/reality needs at this moment - When and as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to be/become honest, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was in the end lying my ass off because at the end of the day I was only making myself feel better about lying to myself to cover up/suppress the FEAR of punishment/consequence that I have allowed to hold me back in the moment to in-fact accumulate self-honest - step by step - breath by breath - A Process of Accumulation.
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 32 - God, No!: Signs You May Already Be a Bullshitter
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... dy-be.html
This is a continuation to Day 31 - Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become someone that is dishonest because I question/don't understand why/how I have to be honest in a dishonest world/reality in the first place, I mean my entire starting-point of being honest in the first place wasn't even about honesty because I would look at the situation/person and analyze/interpret if its easier for myself to lie my ass off to the person because my pre-programmed survival-instinct kicks in and all I care about at the end of the day is my own self-interest to what will make me look better or what will make me look like a pathological liar - within this I have never considered/take into consideration that if were doing everything in our delusional power to maintain our self-interest because of what is apparently easier or more difficult for ourselves were essentially all pathological liars at the end of the day because we never gave a fuck about self-honesty to understand that if I'm not living the principle of what is Best for All I'm obviously dishonest - therefore - when/as I'm lying to myself by/through deliberately/purposely telling myself that I'm doing the right thing because of morality I'm self-creating a back-door for myself to ever consider/take into consideration that all what I've known about honesty was a sham because it was never about making a decision that is Best for All but want will make me look better that is Best for Nobody in the end, and so I was only fueling/powering some fucked up idea/belief of what honesty in practical-application means - I now see, realize and understand that I was completely justifying/excusing myself to continue being dishonest because I buried myself in ideas/beliefs about what honesty means, and so I completely lost myself because I merely wanted/desired to survive in this world/reality, I mean, this is what this world/reality has become: A feeding frenzy for all of us to survive and compete for who has the best moral standing to always be the best in doing good deeds because honesty was always some self-image to make myself look like some fucking benevolent chick that was in actuality feeding/fueling/powering bullshit to remain just another pathological liar because apparently its easier - I do not accept or allow myself to continuously screw myself over and others in the process because I merely wanting to survive for want apparently made everything more bearable for myself, and so I was fucking with myself the entire time that I was being a good little girl because self-honesty will hurt everyone and everything in my outer-reality, obviously self-honesty can be applied silently in every moment to decide rather I'm in my mind fucking with myself or actually making the decision to let go of who I was to actually be/become a human being deciding to live by the principle of Equality & Oneness.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I was never/have never in my entire life been a moral being that is honest because I was merely feeding/fueling/powering the idea/belief that I have been doing the right thing because I was taught throughout my life that telling the apparent truth was good and lying would make me a very bad little girl - within this I never had considered/taken into consideration that I have been nothing more and nothing less than a complete pathological liar because I was in actuality lying my ass off when I was telling the apparent truth because I feared what would happen if the grown ups seen me caught into and as my own lie because I feared punishment/consequence, and so honesty was my survival guide to not getting into any trouble because I was scared shitless of what would happen if I no longer lived by the survival instinct that was programmed into and as me when I was a child - therefore - I would interpret/analyze the situation/person to see if it fit my self-interest to lie or be honest and so it was completely pointless/meaningless playing the polarity mind-fuck game about what is right/wrong because the entire time it was always at the end of the day not what supported what is Best for All Life and so I was only fucking with myself the entire time because morality didn't exist within and as me in any shape/form and so I was lying to everyone and ultimately myself that its acceptable because I was apparently telling the truth because I accepted my life to be nothing more and nothing less then a load of bullshit because I was merely trying/attempting/attaining to be/become some idea/belief of honesty that never actually existed in the first place - I now see, realize and understand that I was merely another fucked up liar that I actually feared to be/become and so I would so everything possible to maintain the idea/belief that I'm the good one because didn't want to face the fact that everything known was just another lie - I do not accept or allow myself to continue feeling/powering/fueling from my own bullshit to make myself look better to attain morality that only involved justifying/excusing myself to remain just another Slave/CharACTer - When and as I see myself interpreting/analyzing a situation/person by/through looking at all the past outcomes that came from me being honest or self-dishonest, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that looking at my past as references to why/how I should/shouldn't be a honest is just another CharACTer because I was trying/attaining/attempting to do everything in my delusional power to not be/become the person that I feared that was in actuality always myself because it was what I allowed myself to limit/enslave myself as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at picture of my past as CharACTers as my survival guide to when to be honest or dishonest because I would look at the possible outcomes that came about from either lying my ass off or either telling the truth from a starting-point of FEAR - within this it was always about suppressing/hiding from the FEAR because I feared what would/wouldn't happen if the grown ups caught me in a lie and so my memory database would be the perfect survival of the fetus to always remain just another pathological liar - I now see, realize and understand that I was merely accessing more CharACTers because at the end of the day I wasn't be true to myself in any shape/form because I was reacting in immense FEAR because I didn't know how to live my life without looking at all the possible outcomes of my past of when to actually be honest or not, and so I was only bullshitting myself because it was never about self-honesty because I became my own worst enemy for not wanting to see, realize and understand that my life was a lie because I was responsible - I was the liar and was in no way moral - I allowed myself to hide/suppress who I became because I didn't know who else to be/become because I never allowed myself to simply be here - I do not accept or allowing myself to be/become my worst enemy because my memories of CharACTers became a part of me to such an extent that I didn't know how to live anymore for all that I known was knowledge/information to always do what was apparently easier in the end, and so Life isn't about what is harder and easier its simply what must be done to allow one day for all the children to come to not become a bullshitter just like me - No more Lies!!!!
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 33 - Why Does Society Want us to Conform and Not Think?
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... us-to.html
This is a continuation to Day 32 - God, No!: Signs You May Already Be A Bullshitter
Thinking was/has always been something that I have assumed/perceived allowed me to have understanding/comprehension to/towards this world/reality, wherein - I deceived myself the entire time because thinking actually allowed me to separate myself from the substance/life within and as me because I accepted what my parents taught me and so the Sins of the Fathers began as my pre-programmed purpose/Destiny to molding/shaping the characterization that my parents integrated within and as me at birth - therefore - I would look at the pretty systems/personalities/CharACTers and decide which program would be best for me to use to survive within this world/reality - therefore - I would no longer be the one that decides who I am/I'm able to be because my apparent Life would be automated by/through a mere machine because I made the choice/decision to be dishonest - to not be the Creator that Created my world/reality because it was never me, it was me but not the true potential I could actually be to be/become my own teacher because I placed/projected my trust to my Parents that in actuality know nothing/have never know anything throughout their LIfE because it was always in the starting-point of complete petrification of the fear that they were participating and experiencing themselves as - therefore - they would teach myself how to suppress/hide from the FEAR, and so I allow myself to see, realize and understand that blaming/becoming angry at my Parents is completely pointless/meaningless because at the end of the day I'm the one that decides who I am//could be and so I allow myself to forgive my Parents unconditionally because if not myself then I will be CONTrolled by/through the systems/personalities/CharACTers automated to allow me to be/become a slave for eternity - therefore - Thinking has become nothing more and nothing less then myself placing/projecting everything in some fucked up future version of which system/personality/CharACTer I should act out in the moment, except it was never in the moment but in my mind not taking action to decide/make the choice to breathe and simply NOT THINK, I mean its that simple for myself to walk this process of Equality & Oneness and so when/as I'm in my mind saying, "WTF, It can't be that easy"! I'm in actuality in my mind because when everything becomes hard/difficult to walk that's when I'm accepting myself as a mere system/CharACTer/personality because process is as easy as breathing - NO MORE THINKING!!!!!! Thinking has always been the survival-instinct to cover up/suppress the fact that my brain is what allows me to move my body and so the essentials to survive within and as this world/reality, and so the thoughts have been my little defense mechanism that I won't be able to live without thinking shit that wasn't relevant in the first place, I mean, there has been so much attention to thinking that we connect it to intelligence or not thinking too much apparently means your some fucking idiot for some reason - only I never had understood that thinking literally makes us pretty dumb because we go into our mind and self-create all these scenarios that usually never get done in the first place because we think/believe that WE MUST SURVIVE!!!! Thinking has always been this scenario for myself that I must rationalize everything within and as my mind for what I should/shouldn't and so I be/become my own worst enemy in the end because I wasn't actually getting my ass out of my mind to this physical reality to actually do something - therefore - its time for myself to simply express myself in the moment because all in all I'm the one that is fucking with myself that surviving equates to thinking shit that's never relevant in the first place to simply express myself in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in THINKING to such an extent that I separated myself from substance/life within and as me because I assumed/perceive that THINKING was the only for me to have comprehension/understanding to/towards this world/reality - within this I didn't allow myself to understand anything about this world/reality because I was blinding/clouding my eyes to this physical reality because the comprehension/understanding I was aiming for/projecting myself to be/become was only be/becoming a system/program/personality/CharACTer -therefore - the more I actually thought the more I was detaching myself/removing myself from this world/reality as the thoughts become more consistent I would lose sight of Life because I was never having any comprehension/understanding for I was never taking taking practical physical application to what I was understanding/comprehending as I was only learning to have dimensional shifts about this world/reality that only lead to more program/personality/CharACTer activations that was integrated within and as me from my Parents to lead to the fucked up cycle of the Sins of the Fathers - I mean, if I did actually gather any comprehension/understanding from this world/reality I would've got my head out of my thoughts to this physical reality that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to understand/comprehend this world/reality as some fucked up brainwashed observer stuck within and as knowledge/information because I was allowing myself to understand/comprehend absolutely nothing because it was always about regurgitating shit in my mind to never in-fact create a solution for I allowed myself to THINK my way through life trying/attaining/attempting to find a solution to Life, wherein - in-fact being/becoming more and more detached from the actuality of this physical reality - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely living my apparent Life based on these thoughts to try/attain/attempt to find some comprehension/understanding that was/has always been here and so I was actually losing sight of Life as my thoughts became a part of myself to such an extent that I actually deceived/believed myself that I was understanding/comprehending what is happening in this world/reality - therefore - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue screw myself over because of THINKING that I MUST THINK in order to understand this world/reality - I now see, realize and understand that comprehension/understanding is ludicrous because everything was always here for myself to realize that its time to STOP THINKING because I was in actuality removing myself from the actual solution that is Equality & Oneness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that the FEAR that my Parents taught me is to be my purpose/Destiny in this Life because it was only been they have known/all I have ever known - therefore - I limited/enslaved myself to who my Parents were or weren't to carry on the Sins of the Fathers to NOT actually investigate that my entire LIfE has been a sham because I would spend my entire LIfE within and as THINKING to mould/shape the pretty systems/personalities/programs/CharACters and decide which program would be best for me to use/abuse to survive within this world/reality - therefore - to never see, realize and understand that my purpose/Destiny was nothing more and nothing less then a pre-programmed path laid out for me to live out to never question because picking out my Characterization has always been what this world/reality has known to base our lives on survival of the fetus because it has allowed us to never be the self-directive principle of our lives - I mean, our entire LIfE has already been mapped out and all what we have to do is live it out without any question and so were not even the ones that are living in the first place because a system/personality/program/CharACTer had become us to the point that all what we had to do was sit back within and as ourselves to allow the systems/personalities/programs/CharACTers do all the work in automation - I now see, realize and understand that my entire purpose/Destiny wasn't my own but the systems/programs/CharACTers running rampant to spend my entire LIfE within and as THINKING moulding/shaping myself to a mere system that was in actuality the perfect scapegoat for myself to never take responsibility to in-fact change because I got to survive and spend my entire LIfE sitting in the background to the programs running systematically and energetically to the point that it becomes natural and a part of LIfE - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue think/believe that not being/becoming the self-directive principle of my life is unnatural and impossible because I have given my power away to a program that became a part of my Characterization to continue surviving in this world/reality - I now understand that be/becoming a CharACTer without compromising myself in the process is possible to continue the process of Life - No more dirty little tricks!!!!!
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when TRUST is realized equal to/towards as Equality & Oneness then TRUST no longer is required/subjected to placing/projecting my TRUST to my Parents that in the end were just as clueless as myself because they in actuality known nothing/have never known anything about who they are within and as their lives because it was always in the starting-point of complete petrification of the FEAR that they were participating and experiencing themselves as - to never see, realize and understand that the FEAR was what stopped ourselves from actually to never take self-responsibility to in-fact accumulate self-trust - NO JUDGEMENT - therefore - there can never be any/will never be able to be anyone to blame/become angry at because I allow myself to release my mind-shit to understand that our Destiny/Purpose of continuing the Sins of the Fathers is ludicrous because I place unconditional self-forgiveness to/towards everyone because I place TRUST in myself to understand the Desteni of Life - I now see, realize and understand that TRUST can only ever/will ever be able to be accumulated to understand that nothing is ever personal because its simply all we ever allowed ourselves to be/become - allowing ourselves to never investigate/research that Equality & Oneness implies taking always into consideration what is Best for All and so when TRUST is realized equal to/towards as Equality & Oneness then FEAR is redundant because its Lie is Equal and so FEAR was only/has only ever been another part/aspect of ourselves to justify/excuse ourselves to understand that when TRUST is unconditional it is simply ludicrous to place/project fault in anyone, I mean - playing the whole resentment game is easy to/towards hating the Parents because all we ever known is living in FEAR to cover up/suppress that its time to in-fact place trust in ourselves to NOT rust ourselves to death to our true potential - to in-fact realize that everyone can have an opportunity to realize TRUST as true Equality & Oneness that has always been a part of Life.
To Be Continued...
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... us-to.html
This is a continuation to Day 32 - God, No!: Signs You May Already Be A Bullshitter
Thinking was/has always been something that I have assumed/perceived allowed me to have understanding/comprehension to/towards this world/reality, wherein - I deceived myself the entire time because thinking actually allowed me to separate myself from the substance/life within and as me because I accepted what my parents taught me and so the Sins of the Fathers began as my pre-programmed purpose/Destiny to molding/shaping the characterization that my parents integrated within and as me at birth - therefore - I would look at the pretty systems/personalities/CharACTers and decide which program would be best for me to use to survive within this world/reality - therefore - I would no longer be the one that decides who I am/I'm able to be because my apparent Life would be automated by/through a mere machine because I made the choice/decision to be dishonest - to not be the Creator that Created my world/reality because it was never me, it was me but not the true potential I could actually be to be/become my own teacher because I placed/projected my trust to my Parents that in actuality know nothing/have never know anything throughout their LIfE because it was always in the starting-point of complete petrification of the fear that they were participating and experiencing themselves as - therefore - they would teach myself how to suppress/hide from the FEAR, and so I allow myself to see, realize and understand that blaming/becoming angry at my Parents is completely pointless/meaningless because at the end of the day I'm the one that decides who I am//could be and so I allow myself to forgive my Parents unconditionally because if not myself then I will be CONTrolled by/through the systems/personalities/CharACTers automated to allow me to be/become a slave for eternity - therefore - Thinking has become nothing more and nothing less then myself placing/projecting everything in some fucked up future version of which system/personality/CharACTer I should act out in the moment, except it was never in the moment but in my mind not taking action to decide/make the choice to breathe and simply NOT THINK, I mean its that simple for myself to walk this process of Equality & Oneness and so when/as I'm in my mind saying, "WTF, It can't be that easy"! I'm in actuality in my mind because when everything becomes hard/difficult to walk that's when I'm accepting myself as a mere system/CharACTer/personality because process is as easy as breathing - NO MORE THINKING!!!!!! Thinking has always been the survival-instinct to cover up/suppress the fact that my brain is what allows me to move my body and so the essentials to survive within and as this world/reality, and so the thoughts have been my little defense mechanism that I won't be able to live without thinking shit that wasn't relevant in the first place, I mean, there has been so much attention to thinking that we connect it to intelligence or not thinking too much apparently means your some fucking idiot for some reason - only I never had understood that thinking literally makes us pretty dumb because we go into our mind and self-create all these scenarios that usually never get done in the first place because we think/believe that WE MUST SURVIVE!!!! Thinking has always been this scenario for myself that I must rationalize everything within and as my mind for what I should/shouldn't and so I be/become my own worst enemy in the end because I wasn't actually getting my ass out of my mind to this physical reality to actually do something - therefore - its time for myself to simply express myself in the moment because all in all I'm the one that is fucking with myself that surviving equates to thinking shit that's never relevant in the first place to simply express myself in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in THINKING to such an extent that I separated myself from substance/life within and as me because I assumed/perceive that THINKING was the only for me to have comprehension/understanding to/towards this world/reality - within this I didn't allow myself to understand anything about this world/reality because I was blinding/clouding my eyes to this physical reality because the comprehension/understanding I was aiming for/projecting myself to be/become was only be/becoming a system/program/personality/CharACTer -therefore - the more I actually thought the more I was detaching myself/removing myself from this world/reality as the thoughts become more consistent I would lose sight of Life because I was never having any comprehension/understanding for I was never taking taking practical physical application to what I was understanding/comprehending as I was only learning to have dimensional shifts about this world/reality that only lead to more program/personality/CharACTer activations that was integrated within and as me from my Parents to lead to the fucked up cycle of the Sins of the Fathers - I mean, if I did actually gather any comprehension/understanding from this world/reality I would've got my head out of my thoughts to this physical reality that I was only trying/attaining/attempting to understand/comprehend this world/reality as some fucked up brainwashed observer stuck within and as knowledge/information because I was allowing myself to understand/comprehend absolutely nothing because it was always about regurgitating shit in my mind to never in-fact create a solution for I allowed myself to THINK my way through life trying/attaining/attempting to find a solution to Life, wherein - in-fact being/becoming more and more detached from the actuality of this physical reality - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely living my apparent Life based on these thoughts to try/attain/attempt to find some comprehension/understanding that was/has always been here and so I was actually losing sight of Life as my thoughts became a part of myself to such an extent that I actually deceived/believed myself that I was understanding/comprehending what is happening in this world/reality - therefore - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue screw myself over because of THINKING that I MUST THINK in order to understand this world/reality - I now see, realize and understand that comprehension/understanding is ludicrous because everything was always here for myself to realize that its time to STOP THINKING because I was in actuality removing myself from the actual solution that is Equality & Oneness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that the FEAR that my Parents taught me is to be my purpose/Destiny in this Life because it was only been they have known/all I have ever known - therefore - I limited/enslaved myself to who my Parents were or weren't to carry on the Sins of the Fathers to NOT actually investigate that my entire LIfE has been a sham because I would spend my entire LIfE within and as THINKING to mould/shape the pretty systems/personalities/programs/CharACters and decide which program would be best for me to use/abuse to survive within this world/reality - therefore - to never see, realize and understand that my purpose/Destiny was nothing more and nothing less then a pre-programmed path laid out for me to live out to never question because picking out my Characterization has always been what this world/reality has known to base our lives on survival of the fetus because it has allowed us to never be the self-directive principle of our lives - I mean, our entire LIfE has already been mapped out and all what we have to do is live it out without any question and so were not even the ones that are living in the first place because a system/personality/program/CharACTer had become us to the point that all what we had to do was sit back within and as ourselves to allow the systems/personalities/programs/CharACTers do all the work in automation - I now see, realize and understand that my entire purpose/Destiny wasn't my own but the systems/programs/CharACTers running rampant to spend my entire LIfE within and as THINKING moulding/shaping myself to a mere system that was in actuality the perfect scapegoat for myself to never take responsibility to in-fact change because I got to survive and spend my entire LIfE sitting in the background to the programs running systematically and energetically to the point that it becomes natural and a part of LIfE - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue think/believe that not being/becoming the self-directive principle of my life is unnatural and impossible because I have given my power away to a program that became a part of my Characterization to continue surviving in this world/reality - I now understand that be/becoming a CharACTer without compromising myself in the process is possible to continue the process of Life - No more dirty little tricks!!!!!
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when TRUST is realized equal to/towards as Equality & Oneness then TRUST no longer is required/subjected to placing/projecting my TRUST to my Parents that in the end were just as clueless as myself because they in actuality known nothing/have never known anything about who they are within and as their lives because it was always in the starting-point of complete petrification of the FEAR that they were participating and experiencing themselves as - to never see, realize and understand that the FEAR was what stopped ourselves from actually to never take self-responsibility to in-fact accumulate self-trust - NO JUDGEMENT - therefore - there can never be any/will never be able to be anyone to blame/become angry at because I allow myself to release my mind-shit to understand that our Destiny/Purpose of continuing the Sins of the Fathers is ludicrous because I place unconditional self-forgiveness to/towards everyone because I place TRUST in myself to understand the Desteni of Life - I now see, realize and understand that TRUST can only ever/will ever be able to be accumulated to understand that nothing is ever personal because its simply all we ever allowed ourselves to be/become - allowing ourselves to never investigate/research that Equality & Oneness implies taking always into consideration what is Best for All and so when TRUST is realized equal to/towards as Equality & Oneness then FEAR is redundant because its Lie is Equal and so FEAR was only/has only ever been another part/aspect of ourselves to justify/excuse ourselves to understand that when TRUST is unconditional it is simply ludicrous to place/project fault in anyone, I mean - playing the whole resentment game is easy to/towards hating the Parents because all we ever known is living in FEAR to cover up/suppress that its time to in-fact place trust in ourselves to NOT rust ourselves to death to our true potential - to in-fact realize that everyone can have an opportunity to realize TRUST as true Equality & Oneness that has always been a part of Life.
To Be Continued...
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- JessicaSmith
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Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 34: My Entire Life Has Been A Sham
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -sham.html
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/become angry at my Parents because they raised me to know nothing/never nothing anything about myself and who I am within and as this Life - therefore - I would teach myself to suppress/hide from the FEAR to ever see, realize and understand that I'm the one at the end of the day that decides what goes on within and as myself - I decide what I do/don't participate in a moment and so blaming/becoming angry at my Parents is ludicrous because I understand that if I'm not willing to forgive another as myself absolutely and unconditionally then I'm just another system/program/CharACTer that lives in complete petrification of my own FEAR because I won't will myself to change from a mere idea/belief that since I've been born to carry the purpose/destiny to remain nothing more and nothing less then a system/program/CharACTer I can't apparently stand up as All as One as Equal, I mean, I'm the one that has limited/enslaved myself to be/become a slave and so that was something that I decided in every moment of every breath - therefore - since it has taken my quite a lot of time to build up to be/become a mere machine its going to take me quite a lot of time to re-birth myself here within and as this physical reality - NO RESISTANCE - I now see, realize and understand that time is completely pointless/meaningless because I don't allow myself to be/become a slave to being/becoming inferior to time because I do not limit myself to how many seconds/minutes/hours there are throughout one day because my reference is my human physical body to understand that when I'm fucking with and as myself the pain will reveal itself to understand when I'm screwing with myself or not - I now see, realize and understand that blaming/becoming angry at my Parents is pointless/meaningless because I now understand just how much time I have lost to actually being/becoming aware of every breath as myself - therefore - I do NOT accept or allow myself to blame/become angry at my Parents because I allow myself to forgive them unconditionally as I would want someone else to forgive me for all my faults that I have become throughout time to never in-fact realize Equality & Oneness to taking into consideration everyone.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have NOT been the one that decides who I am/I'm able to be because my apparent Life has/always been automated by/through a mere machine because I made the choice/decision to be dishonest - to not be the Creator that Created my world/reality because it was never me, it was me but not the true potential I could actually be/become - within this I would sit back within and as myself because I was scared/afraid of what would happen if I actually was the one that is directing my world/reality because all I have ever known was living the generations before me because self-honesty was never a part of my Destiny/Purpose because I was taught to sit down and shut up from the ones before me to trust to in actuality know nothing/have never known anything about what it means to actually be alive - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that its time for myself to be/become the self-directive principle within and as my Life because if I'm not that one that is the Creator that Creates my world/reality then I'm not the one that is directing my Life in the first place - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that everything is fine and dandy when in actuality I'm not reaching my true potential but subjecting my power to a system/program/CharACTer merely because its never been done before - Soooo what?! - When and as I see myself not being/becoming the self-directive principle of my Life, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was never the one living my Life but a system because the entire time I was sitting back within and as myself because I was so afraid/scared of what would happen if I were to actually take action to be here in every moment of every breath - I was so afraid of myself to actually in-fact no longer be/become my biggest enemy because all throughout my Life I would actually so whatever it takes to hate myself to NOT change myself to the point that I assumed/perceived that I cannot be/become the Creator that Creates my world/reality because apparently I deserve to merely be a system/program/CharACTer - in this I'm DIS-SERVING Life because I have created this idea/belief that one must be/become something in order to change this world/reality, I mean, this entire starting-point of giving up on ourselves has been all what we been doing and we actually call this a natural part of Life because it allows us to apparently push more, wherein - all what were pushing for is our survival to never in-fact live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK because I absolutely got off on the energy that I would participate and experience myself as - by/through placing/projecting everything in some fucked up future version of which system/personality/CharACTer I should act out in the moment, except I was only in some delusional reality that only existed was my self-interest to NOT take action to decide/make the choice to breathe and simply NOT THINK - within this I would go into my mind saying, "WTF, it can't be that easy"! I'm in actuality in my mind because when everything becomes harder/difficult and bigger then myself that's when I'm participating and experiencing myself as a mere system/program/CharACTer because process has always been as easy as breathing - therefore - I would then assume/perceive that stopping thinking and just being here is impossible because I would completely analyze/interpret/intellectualize what it means to be/become Life and so I didn't understand that Life is here in every moment of every breath, and so no thinking is required - I now see, realize and understand that THINKING has actually stopped me from taking action in a moment to no longer have a dimensional shift a place/project myself in some fucked up future version of which system/program/CharACTer I should act out in the moment - I do NOT accept or allow myself to assume/perceive that process must be something hard/difficult to walk because I walk myself here as All as One as Equal to in-fact no longer assume/perceive that everything must be hard and difficult to survive within and as this world/reality - When and as I see myself participating in the backchat, "WTF, it can't be that easy"! - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was purposely/deliberately fucking with myself because my survival instinct kicked in and I assumed/perceived that I MUST THINK in order to get something done in a moment to create something worthwhile that actually supported Life from the get go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand that THINKING is not what I need or require to survive in this world/reality because my brain already does that for me to complete the essentials I need and require to survive, and so thinking was a defense mechanism to understand that the thoughts within and as me actually allow me to NOT survive in this world/reality because getting things done throughout ones day is difficult/hard when one is having numerous dimensional shifts throughout the day - therefore - I was in actuality bullshitting myself the entire time because I wanted/desired to cover up/suppress the fact that my brain is what allows me to move my body to get what I need/requite to actually get done - I now see, realize and understand that THINKING actually allows self to not survive in this world/reality because I would be too busy in LaLa Land to actually NOT see, realize and understand I wasn't comprehending/understanding absolutely nothing about what it means to actually Live and what I actually have to do to survive in this world/reality - I do NOT accept or allow myself to fuck with myself to assume/perceive that I must participate and experience myself as these thoughts running rampant because these thoughts at the end of the day weren't providing my with the essentials to survive but remain some self-interested idiot that never understood anything about Life.
To Be Continued...
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... -sham.html
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame/become angry at my Parents because they raised me to know nothing/never nothing anything about myself and who I am within and as this Life - therefore - I would teach myself to suppress/hide from the FEAR to ever see, realize and understand that I'm the one at the end of the day that decides what goes on within and as myself - I decide what I do/don't participate in a moment and so blaming/becoming angry at my Parents is ludicrous because I understand that if I'm not willing to forgive another as myself absolutely and unconditionally then I'm just another system/program/CharACTer that lives in complete petrification of my own FEAR because I won't will myself to change from a mere idea/belief that since I've been born to carry the purpose/destiny to remain nothing more and nothing less then a system/program/CharACTer I can't apparently stand up as All as One as Equal, I mean, I'm the one that has limited/enslaved myself to be/become a slave and so that was something that I decided in every moment of every breath - therefore - since it has taken my quite a lot of time to build up to be/become a mere machine its going to take me quite a lot of time to re-birth myself here within and as this physical reality - NO RESISTANCE - I now see, realize and understand that time is completely pointless/meaningless because I don't allow myself to be/become a slave to being/becoming inferior to time because I do not limit myself to how many seconds/minutes/hours there are throughout one day because my reference is my human physical body to understand that when I'm fucking with and as myself the pain will reveal itself to understand when I'm screwing with myself or not - I now see, realize and understand that blaming/becoming angry at my Parents is pointless/meaningless because I now understand just how much time I have lost to actually being/becoming aware of every breath as myself - therefore - I do NOT accept or allow myself to blame/become angry at my Parents because I allow myself to forgive them unconditionally as I would want someone else to forgive me for all my faults that I have become throughout time to never in-fact realize Equality & Oneness to taking into consideration everyone.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have NOT been the one that decides who I am/I'm able to be because my apparent Life has/always been automated by/through a mere machine because I made the choice/decision to be dishonest - to not be the Creator that Created my world/reality because it was never me, it was me but not the true potential I could actually be/become - within this I would sit back within and as myself because I was scared/afraid of what would happen if I actually was the one that is directing my world/reality because all I have ever known was living the generations before me because self-honesty was never a part of my Destiny/Purpose because I was taught to sit down and shut up from the ones before me to trust to in actuality know nothing/have never known anything about what it means to actually be alive - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that its time for myself to be/become the self-directive principle within and as my Life because if I'm not that one that is the Creator that Creates my world/reality then I'm not the one that is directing my Life in the first place - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue fucking with myself that everything is fine and dandy when in actuality I'm not reaching my true potential but subjecting my power to a system/program/CharACTer merely because its never been done before - Soooo what?! - When and as I see myself not being/becoming the self-directive principle of my Life, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was never the one living my Life but a system because the entire time I was sitting back within and as myself because I was so afraid/scared of what would happen if I were to actually take action to be here in every moment of every breath - I was so afraid of myself to actually in-fact no longer be/become my biggest enemy because all throughout my Life I would actually so whatever it takes to hate myself to NOT change myself to the point that I assumed/perceived that I cannot be/become the Creator that Creates my world/reality because apparently I deserve to merely be a system/program/CharACTer - in this I'm DIS-SERVING Life because I have created this idea/belief that one must be/become something in order to change this world/reality, I mean, this entire starting-point of giving up on ourselves has been all what we been doing and we actually call this a natural part of Life because it allows us to apparently push more, wherein - all what were pushing for is our survival to never in-fact live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK because I absolutely got off on the energy that I would participate and experience myself as - by/through placing/projecting everything in some fucked up future version of which system/personality/CharACTer I should act out in the moment, except I was only in some delusional reality that only existed was my self-interest to NOT take action to decide/make the choice to breathe and simply NOT THINK - within this I would go into my mind saying, "WTF, it can't be that easy"! I'm in actuality in my mind because when everything becomes harder/difficult and bigger then myself that's when I'm participating and experiencing myself as a mere system/program/CharACTer because process has always been as easy as breathing - therefore - I would then assume/perceive that stopping thinking and just being here is impossible because I would completely analyze/interpret/intellectualize what it means to be/become Life and so I didn't understand that Life is here in every moment of every breath, and so no thinking is required - I now see, realize and understand that THINKING has actually stopped me from taking action in a moment to no longer have a dimensional shift a place/project myself in some fucked up future version of which system/program/CharACTer I should act out in the moment - I do NOT accept or allow myself to assume/perceive that process must be something hard/difficult to walk because I walk myself here as All as One as Equal to in-fact no longer assume/perceive that everything must be hard and difficult to survive within and as this world/reality - When and as I see myself participating in the backchat, "WTF, it can't be that easy"! - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was purposely/deliberately fucking with myself because my survival instinct kicked in and I assumed/perceived that I MUST THINK in order to get something done in a moment to create something worthwhile that actually supported Life from the get go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand that THINKING is not what I need or require to survive in this world/reality because my brain already does that for me to complete the essentials I need and require to survive, and so thinking was a defense mechanism to understand that the thoughts within and as me actually allow me to NOT survive in this world/reality because getting things done throughout ones day is difficult/hard when one is having numerous dimensional shifts throughout the day - therefore - I was in actuality bullshitting myself the entire time because I wanted/desired to cover up/suppress the fact that my brain is what allows me to move my body to get what I need/requite to actually get done - I now see, realize and understand that THINKING actually allows self to not survive in this world/reality because I would be too busy in LaLa Land to actually NOT see, realize and understand I wasn't comprehending/understanding absolutely nothing about what it means to actually Live and what I actually have to do to survive in this world/reality - I do NOT accept or allow myself to fuck with myself to assume/perceive that I must participate and experience myself as these thoughts running rampant because these thoughts at the end of the day weren't providing my with the essentials to survive but remain some self-interested idiot that never understood anything about Life.
To Be Continued...
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
- JessicaSmith
- Posts: 333
- Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53
Re: Jessica's Journey to Life
Day 35: What Have I Done To Myself...
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... yself.html
This is a continuation to Day 34: My Entire Life Has Been A Sham
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that its natural/apart of Life to be/become a systematic slave because its all I've known throughout my Life because I was taught that THINKING is what allows to understand/comprehend what is happening within and as this world/reality, wherein - I was actually detaching/separating/removing myself more and more from this physical reality because as I continued to THINK to the extent that the thoughts would come up sporadically to the point that I was no longer the one that was directing the thoughts to survive in this world/reality because they would then come up automatically to the extent that I didn't understand or investigate where my thoughts are actually come from - within this I would just assume/perceive that its natural/apart of Life because my Parents taught me to do it, and so I go throughout my Life NOT questioning anything and everything because I placed/projected trust to/towards my Parents - therefore - thoughts would then run rampant in automation because I was no longer the one directing my Life but a system/program/CharACTer that did all the work so I could sit back within and as myself to not take practical action in common-sense to understand that if I'm not the one that is directing myself in every moment, then who the heck is? I now see, realize and understand that I was in actuality the one that made the decision/choice to be/become a system/program/CharACTer because I didn't stand up in anyway to stop the thoughts that came up in my conscious mind because I assumed/perceived that it was apparently natural/apart of Life because I analyzed/interpreted my outer-reality to what is apparently acceptable/non-acceptable, instead - of actually really investigating how/why I've allowed myself to feed into other people's bullshit because the picture-presentation seems natural/apart of Life, wherein - I knew all along that something was seriously fucked up the entire time - It was ME as All as One as Equal, SHIT! I allowed myself to assume/perceive tons of shit outside myself because nobody else was questioning anything and so I allowed the game to continue because I didn't see, realize and understand that I was also apart of the problem AND solution to in actuality not be directed by programs/systems/CharACTers - to actually forgive myself because I have held onto all these programs/systems/CharACTers for so long that I didn't be/become self-aware how much tension/pain my physical body was going through because its as though I was holding onto all this shit purposely/deliberately, and forgiving myself actually allows me to be/become lighter to not have tons of shit within and as me to in-fact move on with my Life.
When and as I see myself THINKING to attempt/try/attain to understand what is going within and as this world/reality, I stop and breathe. I now see, realize and understand that I was just detaching/separating/removing myself from this physical reality to purposely/deliberately NOT have to face this physical reality without the survival-instinct that I've allowed to be pre-programmed within and as me to never in-fact take a step back and investigate why/how I have trusted everything and everyone to allow myself to limit/enslave myself to never in actuality understanding that I have taught myself to NOT THINK, from the perspective of seeing a point that needs changed and doing the practical application into and as this physical reality to no longer assume/perceive that thoughts popping within and as my conscious-mind is in no way natal/apart of Life because I was merely analyzing/interpreting in my mind what is acceptable/non-acceptable to actually be/become a being that doesn't THINK but changes oneself to no longer stay some stupid regurgitated philosopher. I commit myself to stand up within and as me to no longer feed into other people's bullshit because its apparently natural/apart of Life because I have used/abused my outer-reality as a confirmation/validation and perfect excuse/justification to ever in-fact change because I was too busy trusting everyone and everything because everyone seemed to be doing the same thing - therefore - I commit myself to make sure that I no longer accept/non-accept something because the majority does/doesn't because that mean that I dictate my entire decisions/choices on what is apparently more acceptable in society to never in-fact be/become someone that actually thinks by/through not thinking at all - NOT THINKING MAKES YOU SMART!!!!!!!!!!
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that THINKING actually allows me to NOT understand absolutely nothing about this world/reality because all what it did was make me ignorant to how easy it is to have dimensional shifts within and as ourselves to never in-fact question what were actually learning from our Parents because it becomes apparently natural/apart of Life to always never question anything to be/become a good little CharACTer that never subjects to authority because I have allowed myself to be absolutely fearful of authority from the perspective that I was always taught that if I wasn't a good little girl I would be punished, and so THINKING was a part of the package to apparently survive in this world/reality, I mean, schools even encourage us to think and have tons of bullshitted thoughts that in no way have any actual practical solution because apparently by/through shoving tons of garbage within and as our minds and thinking tons of shit about it allows us to become smarter , wherein it only allows to regurgitate knowledge/information to never in-fact actually understand/comprehend what were learning - therefore - comprehension/understanding is pointless for a machine to actually see, realize and understand that we have only been living a complete Lie - if we were to actually comprehend/understand anything this world/reality would've of been Heaven on Earth already, and so this says a lot about ourselves to how we have actually become more stupid as the generations pass because we have self-created this idea/belief that having dimensional shifts to how/why something should/shouldn't be allows to live some fucked up version of how we should/shouldn't live our lives - I now see, realize and understand that fearing authority is pointless/meaningless because I understand that I'm fearing actually realizing that I have been nothing more and nothing less then a puppet to/towards authority, because I have subjected my power to NOT remain here to in-fact trust myself in the moment to just be here breathing, I mean, its obvious that as long as this world-system is here we will be subjected to these apparent rules and principles to how/why someone suppose to behave within and as this world but that doesn't mean I must subject my beingness to compromising myself in the moment to be/become a mere machine that is making the choice/decision to be self-dishonest - to not understand that the moment I allow myself to lose myself because of someone/something I'm a machine because I wasn't here in this moment limiting/enslaving myself in every possible way.
When and as I see myself compromising myself in the moment because of reacting in fear to NOT having any power to question anything and everything, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was merely screwing with myself the entire time because there is nothing to be or say in the moment because I am here, and so I have nothing to prove to authority figures that I'm not inferior/unimportant because I understand that I was merely apart of the game to react in the first place - I commit myself to understand that the moment I'm reacting to someone in authority it is there starting-point of wanting/desiring to be/become special/superior/important and my reaction of FEAR to never question this world/reality allows the authority figures to feed off of the hopelessness/uselessness that we experience in the moment as being someone that doesn't even matter - therefore - I commit myself to stand my ground and be humble to not instigate shit that is irrelevant in the first place because I cannot change/transform the authority's figures way of reasoning because I reason myself to be here to in-fact trust myself to not live in fear because of worrying that I cannot survive within and as this world/reality, and so I just trust myself to not think because thinking in the first place is what allowed all of us to create the separation/division between those in authority and those standing in the side-lines.
To Be Continued...
http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... yself.html
This is a continuation to Day 34: My Entire Life Has Been A Sham
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that its natural/apart of Life to be/become a systematic slave because its all I've known throughout my Life because I was taught that THINKING is what allows to understand/comprehend what is happening within and as this world/reality, wherein - I was actually detaching/separating/removing myself more and more from this physical reality because as I continued to THINK to the extent that the thoughts would come up sporadically to the point that I was no longer the one that was directing the thoughts to survive in this world/reality because they would then come up automatically to the extent that I didn't understand or investigate where my thoughts are actually come from - within this I would just assume/perceive that its natural/apart of Life because my Parents taught me to do it, and so I go throughout my Life NOT questioning anything and everything because I placed/projected trust to/towards my Parents - therefore - thoughts would then run rampant in automation because I was no longer the one directing my Life but a system/program/CharACTer that did all the work so I could sit back within and as myself to not take practical action in common-sense to understand that if I'm not the one that is directing myself in every moment, then who the heck is? I now see, realize and understand that I was in actuality the one that made the decision/choice to be/become a system/program/CharACTer because I didn't stand up in anyway to stop the thoughts that came up in my conscious mind because I assumed/perceived that it was apparently natural/apart of Life because I analyzed/interpreted my outer-reality to what is apparently acceptable/non-acceptable, instead - of actually really investigating how/why I've allowed myself to feed into other people's bullshit because the picture-presentation seems natural/apart of Life, wherein - I knew all along that something was seriously fucked up the entire time - It was ME as All as One as Equal, SHIT! I allowed myself to assume/perceive tons of shit outside myself because nobody else was questioning anything and so I allowed the game to continue because I didn't see, realize and understand that I was also apart of the problem AND solution to in actuality not be directed by programs/systems/CharACTers - to actually forgive myself because I have held onto all these programs/systems/CharACTers for so long that I didn't be/become self-aware how much tension/pain my physical body was going through because its as though I was holding onto all this shit purposely/deliberately, and forgiving myself actually allows me to be/become lighter to not have tons of shit within and as me to in-fact move on with my Life.
When and as I see myself THINKING to attempt/try/attain to understand what is going within and as this world/reality, I stop and breathe. I now see, realize and understand that I was just detaching/separating/removing myself from this physical reality to purposely/deliberately NOT have to face this physical reality without the survival-instinct that I've allowed to be pre-programmed within and as me to never in-fact take a step back and investigate why/how I have trusted everything and everyone to allow myself to limit/enslave myself to never in actuality understanding that I have taught myself to NOT THINK, from the perspective of seeing a point that needs changed and doing the practical application into and as this physical reality to no longer assume/perceive that thoughts popping within and as my conscious-mind is in no way natal/apart of Life because I was merely analyzing/interpreting in my mind what is acceptable/non-acceptable to actually be/become a being that doesn't THINK but changes oneself to no longer stay some stupid regurgitated philosopher. I commit myself to stand up within and as me to no longer feed into other people's bullshit because its apparently natural/apart of Life because I have used/abused my outer-reality as a confirmation/validation and perfect excuse/justification to ever in-fact change because I was too busy trusting everyone and everything because everyone seemed to be doing the same thing - therefore - I commit myself to make sure that I no longer accept/non-accept something because the majority does/doesn't because that mean that I dictate my entire decisions/choices on what is apparently more acceptable in society to never in-fact be/become someone that actually thinks by/through not thinking at all - NOT THINKING MAKES YOU SMART!!!!!!!!!!
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that THINKING actually allows me to NOT understand absolutely nothing about this world/reality because all what it did was make me ignorant to how easy it is to have dimensional shifts within and as ourselves to never in-fact question what were actually learning from our Parents because it becomes apparently natural/apart of Life to always never question anything to be/become a good little CharACTer that never subjects to authority because I have allowed myself to be absolutely fearful of authority from the perspective that I was always taught that if I wasn't a good little girl I would be punished, and so THINKING was a part of the package to apparently survive in this world/reality, I mean, schools even encourage us to think and have tons of bullshitted thoughts that in no way have any actual practical solution because apparently by/through shoving tons of garbage within and as our minds and thinking tons of shit about it allows us to become smarter , wherein it only allows to regurgitate knowledge/information to never in-fact actually understand/comprehend what were learning - therefore - comprehension/understanding is pointless for a machine to actually see, realize and understand that we have only been living a complete Lie - if we were to actually comprehend/understand anything this world/reality would've of been Heaven on Earth already, and so this says a lot about ourselves to how we have actually become more stupid as the generations pass because we have self-created this idea/belief that having dimensional shifts to how/why something should/shouldn't be allows to live some fucked up version of how we should/shouldn't live our lives - I now see, realize and understand that fearing authority is pointless/meaningless because I understand that I'm fearing actually realizing that I have been nothing more and nothing less then a puppet to/towards authority, because I have subjected my power to NOT remain here to in-fact trust myself in the moment to just be here breathing, I mean, its obvious that as long as this world-system is here we will be subjected to these apparent rules and principles to how/why someone suppose to behave within and as this world but that doesn't mean I must subject my beingness to compromising myself in the moment to be/become a mere machine that is making the choice/decision to be self-dishonest - to not understand that the moment I allow myself to lose myself because of someone/something I'm a machine because I wasn't here in this moment limiting/enslaving myself in every possible way.
When and as I see myself compromising myself in the moment because of reacting in fear to NOT having any power to question anything and everything, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I was merely screwing with myself the entire time because there is nothing to be or say in the moment because I am here, and so I have nothing to prove to authority figures that I'm not inferior/unimportant because I understand that I was merely apart of the game to react in the first place - I commit myself to understand that the moment I'm reacting to someone in authority it is there starting-point of wanting/desiring to be/become special/superior/important and my reaction of FEAR to never question this world/reality allows the authority figures to feed off of the hopelessness/uselessness that we experience in the moment as being someone that doesn't even matter - therefore - I commit myself to stand my ground and be humble to not instigate shit that is irrelevant in the first place because I cannot change/transform the authority's figures way of reasoning because I reason myself to be here to in-fact trust myself to not live in fear because of worrying that I cannot survive within and as this world/reality, and so I just trust myself to not think because thinking in the first place is what allowed all of us to create the separation/division between those in authority and those standing in the side-lines.
To Be Continued...
My Blog: http://exposingmyselfthroughequality.blogspot.com/
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JessicaNSm ... ature=mhee