Jessica's Journey to Life

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JessicaSmith
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Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

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Day 36: What Does It Mean To Be Alive?

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... alive.html

This is a continuation to Day 35: What Have I Done To Myself...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think because I always assumed/perceived that there was something to search for/find out - within this I would participate in thoughts and see it as myself rationalizing everything out because (apparently) I cannot understand something in one moment by/through just being here breathing because obviously when I'm actually here within and as the physical I'm able/capable of understanding/comprehending everything very clearly, and so when I'm in my mind trying/attaining/attempting to search for/find out something I'm actually have multiple dimensional shifts because it takes multiple tries for me to understand/comprehend the information to the extent that when it is understood it is on a regurgitated level because I'm merely shoving the information within and as my mind to not in actuality see if the information is even supporting what is Best for All - therefore - when/as I'm perceiving/assuming that thinking assist/supports me to understand/comprehend a piece of knowledge/information I'm in actuality not even debunking the information that I'm regurgitating to remember to in essence understand how/why something can be realized in common-sense - to in-fact see, realize and understand that there is pieces of information that are immoral to Life, wherein - others just need to be actually lived within and as practical-application because shoving tons of information/knowledge within and as my mind in the end allows me to be some zombie because in the end I'm shoving shit that I'm not even self-aware of that is now in my unconscious-mind because I did not take the time to de-construct what I'm actually learning in the moment - therefore - when/as I'm (apparently) learning something I'm actually being and becoming very stupid because I wasn't even considering/taking into consideration what I'm actually learning in the first place, and so I wasn't even learning in the first place for all what I was doing in the first place was abdicating my self-responsibility to educate myself about this world/reality into and as knowledge/information to understand what is best for all life - in this I will be able to educate myself about knowledge/information to effectively understand when something isn't pro-life or destructive, and so in the moment when/as I'm reacting to some piece of knowledge/information, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that a piece of information doesn't have to be something bad/good because I understand that polarity leads to ignorance, and so I allow myself to understand that what doesn't work for an Equal Money System for all to have a dignified life doesn't mean anything bad/good but another point that needs to be taken into consideration so we don't continue making the same mistakes - I commit myself to be humble when/as I see a piece of information that doesn't support all Life because it allows me to educate myself to debunk information/knowledge within and as common-sense to learn what is best for all Life because all throughout my Life I have learned to not ask questions and remain shoving pieces of information that I don't even take the time to understand in the first place, and so this is a cool opportunity for myself to not simply react and take no more bullshit because I allow myself to NOT remain another zombie that in the end is only trying/attaining/attempting to survive in this world/reality from the starting-point that never had considered/taken into consideration what we must educate ourselves about.

When and as I see myself shoving pieces of information into and as my mind without understanding what it is I'm actually learning in the first place, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that if we continuously remain not asking questions in this world/reality, then we remain complete idiots to what is happening in this physical reality, and so I allow myself to understand that its the starting-point of placing/projecting complete trust in this world-system that screws us over because we have taught ourselves to suppress/hide the fear that we experience and participate in about this world/reality - in this we have always been aware of the abuse because we even do it to ourselves and so we remove ourselves from this physical reality by/through placing/projecting ourselves into these boxes for ourselves to remain in LaLa Land because were too busy (apparently) THINKING - therefore - I commit myself to stand up within and as myself to take a moment to be/become self-aware of my breathing because I allow myself to not sit back within and as myself but to stand up because I do not accept or allow myself to enslave/limit myself to this physical reality because I have enslaved/limited myself to ever in-fact live - in this I would purposely/deliberately remain participating and experiencing myself as the thoughts I have to remain thinking/believing that this is all I am or will ever be - I commit myself to remain stable because I allow myself to actually think by/through not thinking because thinking is what allowed me to get into all this mess because all it takes is one thought to forevermore remain just another slave, and so I take this one breath because one breath can allow me to become self-aware of who I am/could be because I take the stance within and as myself that I CAN change myself to in-fact Re-Birth myself here in this life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that thoughts are Life because I have bought into the idea/belief/perception/assumption that thoughts create Life - in this I have not considered/taken into consideration that thoughts have actually allowed me to create a Life that is a Lie because my entire LIfE has been a bucket full of lies, and so I have justified/excused myself to ever in-fact not take self-responsibility for the Lie I have been living - therefore - I would self-create the idea/belief/perception/assumption that Life can actually be lived when/as all what I'm doing is fueling/powering a Lie, and so I actually assume/perceive that Life can be lived when there are billions of people in this world/reality barely even living - within this my Lie has been conditioned to mere justifications/excuses to in-fact create Life on Earth to in-fact understand that as long as I'm deliberately/purposely suppressing/hiding from the fact that THINKING has allowed me to be/become a mere machine consumed by/through FEAR because its not a LifE I've been living - ONLY some fucked up version of LifE that only involved in complete petrification of my own FEAR, I mean, I don't know anything about life and what it means to be alive here in this moment - I don't understand what an actual opportunity it is to be here in this physical reality, and so my LifE has been filled with Lies to remain a Liar because I chose/made the decision to live in complete petrification of my own FEAR to not in-fact understand that I have the choice/decision to actually create Life on Earth by/through cooperating/working together as a group to actually LIVE for the first time ever - in this I now take my power back to understand that if I'm not doing this for myself then I MUST walk this process of Equality & Oneness for those that are actually suffering in this world because if that's not a motivational point to in-fact actually know that everything is just some fucked up Lie to never Live in the first place then I'm just abdicating my responsibility to what I knew I could've done in this Life if I actually chose/made the decision to in-fact Live for Life - to actually create Life.

When and as I see myself continuously lying to myself to create the Life that was nothing more and nothing less then a Lie, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that my LIfE has been for nothing because I didn't in anyway create anything worthwhile for ALL that will actually support Life, and so I'm already dead because how can I even exist when/as I'm only continuing maintaining my self-interest that the LIE I have lived was actually Life in the first place? I commit myself to STOP lying to myself because being some self-interested asshole is not what I want to be and living a Life that never really existed in the first place is unacceptable - therefore - I allow myself to be alive for the first time because continuing my Life thinking not considering anyone or even myself for that matter is completely pointless and in the end it was suiting nothing but to continue this abuse in this physical reality to remain in complete petrification of my own FEAR - Is this really all what I am capable of being?

To Be Continued...

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JessicaSmith
Posts: 333
Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

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Day 37: You Won't Be Alive Forever

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... rever.html

This is a continuation to Day 36: What Does It Mean To Be Alive?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I know what it means to be alive because I have lived my Life as though I'm actually living in the first place, I live my life as though it will be here for eternity, I live my Life as though I have so much time to actually change myself, as though I actually know what it means to be here in every moment to live my life to my utmost potential - in this my life has been nothing because I don't even breathe within and as each moment, my life is but another memory that never had any value - no judgment here - just the truth - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that if I continue feeding myself this bullshit then that makes me just another CharACTer - within this I now understand that have known nothing/have never known anything about what it means to be here in this physical reality - to actually realize the opportunity it is to be alive in this Life, and so I have never considered/taken into consideration any of this because I was too busy deluding myself with what it means to be alive - therefore - I will waste my Life within and as thoughts because I was too busy looking/searching/finding something outside myself because I never had understood Life as Equality & Oneness - to in-fact actually live for those that have absolutely nothing, because I allow myself to not feed/fuel/power my thoughts that was only in the end myself trying/attaining/attempting to be self-righteous to (apparently) be someone/something within and as my thoughts that in the end I was only be/becoming some fucked up version of what it means to be alive - I now see, realize and understand that its not about knowing or not knowing what it means to actually be here in this physical reality - to realize the opportunity it is to be here in this physical reality because I allow myself to NOT look/search/find something within and as my mind to in-fact understand some meaning, and so the meaning is here for us to walk ourselves out of our minds to actually create ourselves for the first time - to in essence actually re-birth ourselves from this physical reality, no bullshit, When and as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to look/search/find something outside myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understanding that there is nothing to find because I find myself here in every moment of breath that I am actually aware of what it means to be here in this physical reality - to no longer allow the self-sabotage patterns to continue because all what we been doing for generations is digging our own graves for absolutely nothing in the end, I mean, when were actually look at our lives in this physical reality into and as self-honesty we can say with absolute certainty that were already dead - I commit myself to take into account everyone in this world/reality to understand that when/as a child is here in this Life there should be no doubt that the child will be/become a slave to this world-system and themselves, I commit myself to actually understand that it means to be here in this Life to in-fact realize that life can only be considered if all are in-fact having the certainty to live a dignified Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK my life away and actually see that as something natural/apart of Life - in this is just another confirmation of how fucked up we allowed ourselves to be/become because were never in essence actually questioning anything in this world/reality, until everything in our life falls apart or something terrible touches your outer-reality - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that THINKING allows me to not live in anyway because I was too busy within and as my mind to ever consider/take into consideration how my life has flashed before my own eyes for I was too busy having dimensional shifts to in-fact realize what I'm in essence doing to myself and this world/reality, at the same time - within this I know absolutely nothing about what it means to be here in this physical reality because I in the end wanted/desired to THINK myself to death, and so it wasn't only myself I was compromising at the same time but those in this world/reality that actually could have some chance to in-fact live if Life would actually be for all Equally, and so an Equal Money System is the only for this to happen - I now see, realize and understand that giving up on myself is the most self-interested thing I can do because I wasn't only giving up on myself I was giving up on those that could have the chance to live in this world/reality if I actually stand within and as myself to in-fact be/become apart of this world-system to create a system that will regard everyone here: The Equal Money System - I commit myself to realize that be/becoming apart of this world-system is not in anyway what will be easier for me or even harder but to allow myself to really push myself to move myself in this world-system for myself to be placed effectively for all to life a Life that can actually be lived, because what it easier or harder is irrelevant at this point for it was only my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that Life is already here/has been here all along, wherein - Life in this world/reality has absolutely nothing to do with Living but survival and competition to do whatever it takes to be the winner, I mean, how can I know anything about what it means to be alive when all I have known is survival and competition? In this - I have only been considering/taking into consideration myself because my Life has been comfortable for all I have never known what it means to actually survive in this world/reality - to in-fact know what it means when Life has given up on you because you don't have the pretty green paper that holds your purpose/destiny in your hands - I now see, realize and understand that the only way to stop is to stop everything within and as my inner-reality to no longer think myself to death because I was deliberately/purposely killing myself because that's all I ever known about this world/reality - I allowed myself to discard those that can't even take the stance within and as themselves because their breath is not their own, their breath is governed by/through how much nourishment they are giving to their bodies - When and as I see myself deliberately/purposely not understanding what is in essence here in this physical reality, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I can in essence change myself in the moment to in-fact understand that Life can be turned around to actually take the stance within and as ourselves to in-fact breathe because I allow myself to appreciate that I have the nourishment to breathe deeply to have my breath become my own, and so I'm self-responsible to be/become apart of this world-system to in-fact understand that Life cannot continue life this anymore.

When and as I see myself not understanding what it means to be alive, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that Life into and as this physical reality MUST be change by/through changing ourselves to in-fact realize that we have never known anything about Life, in this we must re-birth ourselves to walk ourselves out of our minds and into the physical because participating and experiencing ourselves as a mere CharACTer is what allows ourselves to never understand that our entire lives has been nothing but a memory filled with and as Characterization that we chose to be/become - therefore - I commit myself to walk this process of Equality & Oneness, I realize that this process is not about changing this world but changing ourselves as a group to walk this process wherein Life can in-fact lived to be/become apart of this world-system to create: An Equal Money System - therefore - I commit myself to Life to in-fact realize what Life means, slowly but surely.

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JessicaSmith
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Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

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Day 38: I Cannot Trust Myself

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... yself.html

This is a continuation to Day 37: You Won't Be Alive Forever
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in THINKING to such an extent that I have separated myself from what it means to actually be here in this physical reality because I assumed/perceived that I might as well drown myself within and as my thoughts for I have allowed myself to have entirely no actual trust in myself to in-fact change - within this I didn't allow myself to understand that I will never be able to trust myself if I'm continuously growing myself within and as thoughts to assume/perceive that everything is pointless/meaningless, and so I might as well completely forget about trusting myself breath by breath - moment by moment - therefore - I would deliberately/purposely participate and experience myself as someone that has entirely given up oneself/life because I was too busy having a pity part to ever in-fact consider/take into consideration that I cannot ever trust myself if I'm willing myself to completely eradicate my self-responsibility to actually trust myself, I mean, its quite bizarre I'm participating in self-pity within and as growing myself into and as thoughts because I apparently cannot change - change is accumulated breath by breath, step by step, and so myself thinking/believing that trust is magically going to be/become an expression of myself is ludicrous because I now understand that trust must be walked over a period of time to in-fact change myself - therefore - if I'm willing myself to put so much attention to myself not trusting myself, I am in essence not going to trust myself because I have self-created the idea/belief/assumption/perception that trust is something I can attain/find/seek/reach for, wherein - in-fact I was only perpetuating/compounding/powering/fueling my self-interest to play the pity card because I am apparently a victim to trust - I am a victim to myself - I mean, abusing myself simply because I won't will myself to accumulate self-trust is pretty stupid - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely participating in thoughts because I've allowed myself to self-manipulate myself within and as the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I apparently cannot change because I think/believe that only certain people can accumulate self-trust, and self-trust can apparently only be realized within and as self by/through something/someone - in this my entire starting-point on trust was never simply moving myself in the moment to in-fact realize that all it takes at the end of the day is a commitment to breath in every moment, and if I miss a breath no self-judgment needed because I allow myself to humble myself to not continuously play the pity card for I have assumed/perceived that I might as feel drown myself in thoughts because I've self-created the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I cannot change myself - I now see, realize and understand that if I self-create the expectation for myself to inevitably fall or any expectation at all that's what I've limited/enslaved myself to be/become, equal and one, and so this starting-point will perpetuate/compound/power/fuel itself sooner or later until I really actually realize that change is here in every moment as breath - therefore - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue growing myself within and as thoughts from the starting-point that I apparently cannot change - When and as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to drown myself in thoughts, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that these thoughts have been my perfect scapegoat to not in-fact understand how/why I've allowed myself to self-create backdoors for myself to in actuality trust myself - I commit myself to STOP to be/become self-aware of my breathing by/through apply the 4-count breath for myself to no longer screw with myself that I must punish myself to get out of actually changing myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that only certain people/situations can allow me to actually in-fact trust myself - therefore - I limited/enslaved myself to NOT actually investigate that I was self-creating criteria for how someone suppose to (apparently) attain trust - in this I did not consider/take into consideration that trust cannot be attain because that would mean more separation for myself to not understand that trust is here in every moment of every breath, if I so dare myself to realize this actualization to in-fact bring about change within and as myself - to understand that its not about anyone or anything, and so nothing can give me confirmation or validation that I'm changing, I change myself here within and as this moment, slowly but surely - I allow myself to in-fact trust myself as All as One as Equal - I now see, realize and understand that trying/attaining/attempting to be/become trust from an outside source is ludicrous because I understand that I'm able to assist/support myself, slowly but surely, to in-fact self-trust myself fro real within and as writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, breathing and actually living my words to actually change for real - When and as I see myself limiting/enslaving myself by/through thinking/believing that only certain people/situations can allow me to trust myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that there is no criteria within and as committing myself to Life to in-fact trust myself to simply be/become aware of my breathing - I commit myself to really in-fact trust myself because I now understand there is nothing special/superior/important that I need/require because my process is here within and as this moment, and so I allow myself to let the bullshit stop by/through in-fact committing myself to this process of walking out of my mind and into this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and experience myself as someone that is limited/enslaved to/towards self-pity because I'm apparently hopeless/uselessness - I assume/perceive that I'm inferior to change, and that I don't have what it takes to change myself to in-fact self-trust myself - in this I have diminished myself to ever take my power back to myself to in essence actually take the practical-application required for myself to really commit myself to this process - therefore - I have been merely screwing with myself the entire time because I've been too busy drowning myself within and as thoughts because I have compromised myself in every possible way to in actuality no longer continue playing the self-sabotage game to always pity myself - I allowed myself to diminish myself purposely/deliberately because I'm absolutely fearful of coming out of my cocoon of self-diminishment to in-fact wake up from this time-loops of never being the change - I now see, realize and understand there is nothing to fear because I am here, and so self-judgment has merely been my mind-game to remain inferior to change because its all I ever know, I have become comfortable to enslavement/limitation and is another confirmation how much we've diminished ourselves to in actuality get off our asses to walk this process of walking out of the mind and into this physical reality - therefore - When and as I see myself limiting/enslaving myself to walk this process within and as self-pity, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand I was only manipulating others and ultimately myself to ever consider/take into consideration that THINKING is how I've allowed myself to judge myself in every possible way to the extent that I do absolutely nothing to move myself within and as this physical reality - I commit myself to trust myself for the first time in my life by/through actually walking myself out of my mind and into this physical because its only until then do I understand that trust comes by consistent application, and so I have only been playing the pity card to do do everything in my delusional power to not trust myself to simply be here.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I'm not a victim to trust, I am only a victim to myself because I'm the one that made the choice/decision to drown myself within and as thoughts - in this I didn't consider/take into consideration that its me at the end of the day that decides who I am/could be because I am the Creators that Created my reality, and so its my self-responsibility to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life - therefore - I allow myself to realize that i'm merely trying/attaining/attempting to place/project blame onto something outside myself because I am not willing to accept self-responsibility that I'm a victim to myself, from the perspective I will deliberately/purposely use/abuse myself to maintain my limitation/enslavement, I mean, obviously if I actually allowed myself to walk this process of Equality & Oneness I wouldn't be a victim to trust because trust would naturally be/become apart of myself as an expression of who I am/could be - therefore - I now see, realize and understand that everything within and as my inner-reality I have the power to take the stance within and as myself to in-fact change by/through humbling myself slowly but surely to in actuality trust myself, and so trust obviously cannot be found somewhere because trust is here in every moment of every breath waiting to be/become realization to actual self-change.

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JessicaSmith
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Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

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Day 39: I Am A Slave to Myself

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... yself.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I will forevermore remain a slave to thoughts - within this I didn't understand that I was a slave to myself because perceiving/assuming that I am a slave to thoughts would mean I'm separating myself within and as my thoughts because I am the one that allowed myself to participate in thinking to the extent that I didn't understand that I've become less than/inferior to my own thoughts because I assumed/perceived that my thoughts have power over me, and so my thought can only have power over me if I think/believe their (apparently) making me remain a slave - when/as I'm perceiving/assuming that I will forevermore remains thoughts, I'm in essence not realizing that I'm obviously going to remain a slave to my thoughts if I'm not going to take the practical steps to in essence walk myself out of my mind and into and as this physical reality - to in-fact see, realize and understand how/why someone can remain a slave to something/someone outside themselves just because of the fact of NOT taking out power back to ourselves that if we assume/perceive that its impossible to NOT remain a slave to thoughts, then I'm obviously going to permeate this within and as my physical reality to ensure I face myself - in this I will be able to educate myself about how/why I allow myself to self-create backdoors for myself because I've given up on myself before I've even started to effectively understand when/as I'm bullshitting myself to forevermore remain a slave - I now see, realize and understand that thoughts do NOT have to be a confirmation of my enslavement and/or I will forevermore remain a slave to thoughts because thoughts are in essence cool indications when/as I'm screwing with myself or not - when/as I'm (apparently) being/becoming a slave by/through participating in thoughts, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here. I now see, realize and understand that I have always been a slave, and so its pointless/meaningless for myself to self-judge myself to ensure that I remain a slave to my thoughts, and so I allow myself to understand that I have the power to actually in-fact STOP myself from participating and experiencing myself as a mere slave to my thoughts - I commit myself to be humble when/as I see myself compromising myself in the moment by/through thinking/believing I will forevermore remain a slave to thoughts, and so I allow myself to in-fact STOP myself in the moment when/as I'm thinking/believing I will forevermore remain a slave to thoughts because I allow myself to NOT remain another slave that didn't in-fact take the practical tools to walk out of our minds and into this physical reality to not longer remain whining/complaining about what were participating by/through to actually STOP it.

When and as I see myself assuming/perceiving I will forevermore remain a slave to my thoughts, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that if we continuously remain enslaving/limiting our lives from the starting-point that we'll forevermore remain a slave, that is what my outer-inner reality is going to permeate for myself to actually change myself to in-fact STOP the thoughts within and as me to understand that I have the power to STOP the thoughts because I allowed them to exist within and as me in the first-place - in this we always have the choice/decision to STOP our thoughts because we always had the choice/decision to be/become a mere slave/charACTER to out thoughts - therefore - I commit myself to stand up within and as myself to take a moment to be/become self-aware of my breathing because I allow myself to not forevermore remain a slave, I allow myself to in-fact change myself to Re-Birth myself here in this Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that the thoughts I participate in will make me a slave, forevermore - in this I decide/make the decision if I'm wiling myself to simply forgive myself in the moment to NOT screw with myself or I can make the choice/decision to forevermore remain a slave by/through NOT taking the stance within and as myself to in actuality take self-responsibility for what I've allowed to STOP, breathe and bring myself back here - therefore - ONE thought will only make me a slave if I allow myself to continuously NOT stop the thoughts within and as the moment by/through making the decision/choice to STOP in a moment - within this thoughts are cool to realize when/as I'm allowing myself to self-create backdoors for myself, I mean, obviously if someone has thoughts coming your still allowing back doors but allowing myself to STOP the thoughts over a period of time allows me to be/become here as breath as self-expression over a period of time - in this I now take my power back to myself to in-fact understand that if I'm not stopping my thoughts to the best of my ability I am will then remain a slave to my thoughts to in-fact actually know that everything is a cool opportunity to no longer remain controlled by my mind, and so I allow myself to understand that I will always remain a slave if All isn't here in this world/reality self-aware of what is here because nobody can be free within and as individuality to actually create Life.

When and as I see myself continuously in complete petrification of my own FEAR to the extent that I assume/perceive I will forevermore remain a slave, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I have the power to actually not screw within and as myself no longer to essence understand that NOT remaining a slave to my thoughts starts with self-direction and consistent application of my part - I commit myself to STOP self-judging before I actually started to really take the stance to see, realize and understand that thoughts are a cool tool for myself to know when/as I'm screwing with myself if I'm leaving back doors, because thoughts allow me to see mirrors of myself to really in-fact see what I'm participating in, and so I'll have a clearer understanding of what to stop to no longer remain an actual human being.

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JessicaSmith
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Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

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Day 40: I'm Too Scared To See Myself

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... yself.html

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do or become because everything has been here/always been here, and so what I was actually in-fact doing was trying/attaining/attempting to NOT see myself, I mean - even doing everything in my delusional power to attempt/try/attain to be/become something means that I saw myself all the time, only I didn't like what I was seeing into and as self-honesty and so I suppressed/hid from myself to be/become more than/superior/important/enlightened/special - to never see, realize and understand that I was so afraid of myself to such an extent that I did everything in my delusional power to NOT see into and as myself: Self-Intimacy - therefore - Self-Intimacy was something I never wanted to realize for myself because I actually assumed/perceived that its easier to be/become a slave/charACTer because I've never considered/taken into consideration that if I choose/make the decision to not in-fact see myself into and as Self-intimacy it would be/become harder/difficult for myself because I allowed myself to veil/DIS-COVER myself within and as my mind -tactics so deliberately/purposely that it becomes very easier for myself to make justifications/excuses to never understand that I was separating myself more and more from Self-realization as actually understanding what Self-intimacy in practical-application means to be/become a Self-Willed Equal that doesn't continuously deliberately/purposely enslave/limit oneself because I now see, realize and understand that if I actually in-fact only see myself as a slave/charACTer, I would be another human-being that didn't take the chance/opportunity to actually live in this world/reality completely afraid of ourselves for eternity - I now understand that/becoming a CharACTer isn't all I'm able to be within and as this Life because I allow myself to in-fact consider/take into consideration those that cannot even see themselves at all because they don't have the resources to even consider/take into consideration seeing themselves - to actually walk this process of walking out of our minds and into reality as Self-Willed Equals.

When and as I see myself trying/attaining/attempting to see into and as myself as Self-Intimacy, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that if I am not going to consider/take into consideration seeing into and as myself I'm deliberately enslaving/limiting those who never had the chance/opportunity to in-fact even walk this process of walking out of our mind and into this physical reality - I commit myself to - use common-sense because everything chance/opportunity I miss in a moment its no longer for just myself but for any chance anyone else could walk this process to actually be/become Life by/through walking in this outer-reality to integrate myself in this physical reality to educate myself for there to be any chances for this system to be Equal, and so if everyone did this as myself there would be no chance/opportunity for this world-reality to be/become dignified for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately/purposely enslave/limit myself because that is all I have seen myself as throughout my Life, and so I never had actually considered/take into consideration that I was never seeing myself at all because if I actually did I would of actually stopped participating and experiencing myself as a mere slave/charACTer - within this I actually was quite content my life because a life filled with absolutely no questions to who I am/who have I been within and as thoughts has never been something in my mind because I was always constantly and continuously trying/attaining/attempting to be something more than/superior/important/enlightened/special, and so I would look for knowledge/information outside myself to make myself more than/superior/important/enlightened/special to remain deliberately/purposely enslaving/limiting myself because its all I actually wanted/desired to see within and as myself - in this I didn't in essence want to see that reason why/how I was doing everything in my delusional power to not see myself because I knew within and as myself that I was always and have always been here in this moment, and so when/as I was going something to try/attempt/attain to make myself seem more than/superior/special/important/enlightened I knew all along what I was doing because when someone is always here in every moment doing everything in their power to suppress/hide who they are/have been throughout their Life there is absolutely nothing that can be hidden because everything has always been here - I now see, realize and understand there is nothing for myself to be/become because I was in essence hiding from myself to always maintain this idea/belief/perception/assumption that I was actually be/becoming a better person, wherein - I was only trying/attaining/attempting to be/become something more than/superior/important/enlightened/special that always involved an endless cycle of self-sabotage because when I was (apparently) being/becoming something freaking great I would have to face the polarity and in the end it turned not in my expectations, and so even if I did get something I wanted/desired to make me (apparently) more than/superior/important/enlightened/special it would never be good enough in the end, and so the game of competition/survival becomes a part of myself to such an extent that I do everything in my power to never see myself.

When and as I see myself doing everything in my delusional power to suppress/hide who I am/have been throughout my life and that includes who I am/have been through my life within and as thoughts/feelings/emotions/backchat, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that absolutely nothing can cover up/hide/suppress who I've been/have been throughout my Life because I have/everyone as humanity have been quite aware/always been aware of what were in essence doing to ourselves and this world/reality, and so there is no excuse/justification but to be humble/gentle with ourselves to in essence actually in-fact understand that taking everything personally/judging ourselves for how we have been trying/attaining/attempting to be someone/something that is ( apparently) more than/superior/important/enlightened/special MUST can unconditionally forgiven and taking everything personally/judging ourselves will only allow the abusive cycles to transpire - in this I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I commit myself to - STOP, to in-fact realize that doing everything my power to remain something is completely possible because it was always from the starting-point to be/become a system/program/CharACTer that didn't in essence consider/take into consideration that the only thing that can remain in all way is what is best for All Life.

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JessicaSmith
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Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

Post by JessicaSmith »

Day 41: What Does it Mean to Trust Yourself?

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... trust.html

Day 40: I'm Too Scared to See Myself

My relationSHIT to/towards Trust was what I thought/believed made/must of made myself be/become something/someone outside myself, I mean, throughout my life I had never correlated trust within and as self-trust because I always assumed/perceived that I needed/required someone/something outside myself to be/become trustworthy - only I had never understood that wanting/desiring someone/something outside myself to rely on to be/become trustworthy was an aspect/part of myself that I never actually embraced within and as myself. Trust can never/will never be able to exist if I'm continuously screwing myself/others in the process to not get the nitty gritty, that I'm in essence trying/attaining/attempting ti place/project trust onto someone/something outside myself because even as a child that was what I considered/taken into consideration what trust suppose to be - therefore - Trust has always involved myself NOT relying on who I am/have always been in a moment to simply express myself to in-fact in actuality understand that I do not need/require anyone/anything to give me some sort of comfort that I am not alone because I am afraid to actually trust myself in the moment. Looking at my Life when/as I assumed/perceived I was being (apparently) trusting to myself it was only from an energetic starting-point outside myself that made me (apparently) experience myself a certain way to the point that I actually thought/believed that this is me trusting myself - therefore - Trust has always been myself assuming/perceiving that I need/require someone/something outside myself to in essence just be in the moment to express/share myself and have no judgments and/or take anything personal, I mean, trusting ourselves is what allows ourselves to speak up in the moment or to even take that ONE breath in every ONE moment, and so its trust that allows ourselves to understand that trust is a key ingredient of being the self-directive principle of our lives to actually make the one choice/decision to walk this process of walking out of our minds and into and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in TRUST to such an extent because I assumed/perceived that TRUST was in essence Self-TRust, and so I never considered/taken into consideration that TRUST is how/why I've allowed myself to separate myself from myself to not in-fact be/become the self-directive principle of my Life because I assumed/perceived that I needed/required someone/something outside myself to make a choice/decision to stand here absolutely - within this I didn't see, realize or understand that TRUST is a self-deception if it doesn't involve self-trust as making the choice/decision to what is best for all or simply being self-dishonest in the moment - therefore - there can never/will never be able to be something/someone that allows me to TRUST myself to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life because it wasn't me in the end that made the choice/decision to stand in the moment as Self-Trust because I placed/projected TRUST onto someone/something outside myself to not in-fact stand here absolutely not needing/requiring anyone/anything to tell me what to do in a moment, and so I allow myself to simply TRUST myself into and as the moment as Self-Trust - I now see, realize and understand that I'm deliberately/purposely living my life based on TRUST to ensure that I don't have to face the fact that I was never trusting anyone/anything in the first place because it was the starting-point of energy to ensure that I don't realize for myself that I have never actually in-fact trusted myself or myself as another - within this I now see, realize and understand that Trust can only exist unless it involves the group of Life to self-trust ourselves as All as one as Equal to what always is considering/taking into consideration Equality & Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that I need/require to TRUST someone/something outside myself because I was in actuality purposely/deliberately trying/attaining/attempting to TRUST someone/something outside myself to RUST myself from the inside and out to never consider/take into consideration that the trust I've always thought/believed was real was in actuality I lie to NOT be gentle within and as myself to ensure that I allow myself to take my stance within and as myself that all I require is my own Self-Trust to realize that all it takes is a choice/decision that is Best for All Life - to finally slowly but surely take self-responsibility that TRUST has only been the perfect scapegoat for ourselves to continue assuming/perceiving that TRUST implies rusting ourselves from the inside and out to not understand that TRUST is accumulated slowly but surely - therefore - I allowed myself to wait/waste/postpone another breath/chance/opportunity that could've been spent assisting/supporting myself to in-fact be here as breath to ensure that I accumulate Self-Trust to NOT abdicate my self-responsibility to be/become a Self-Willed Equal to NOT be/become a mere organic robot always searching/finding/seeking the next situation/person to place/project the trust we actually want/desire for ourselves or the trust we believe we deserve - I now see, realize and understand that continuing living my Li (f) e waiting/waiting/postponing my Life/Process is pointless/meaningless because I wasn't doing myself any service to myself or Life but to DIS-SERVE Life to never in-fact STOP the self-sabotage cycles that only involved rusting ourselves from the inside and out to ensure that TRUST always involved lying to ourselves to never simply TRUST ourselves in the moment to be/become the Service to Life to understand that the trust we think we deserve or the trust we want/desire for ourselves only involved TRUST that will condemn the Ser - VICE to Life to in-fact STOP the madness of our minds to understand that TRUST always considers/takes into consideration LIFE - NOT a program that was only FEAR to remain enslaved/limited to just another CharACTer or situation/person that never gave us any Trust in the first place because it in essence has absolutely nothing to due with Trust, and so Life wasn't taken into consideration in any shape/form.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that TRUST only involved the starting-point trying/attaining/attempting to find/search/seek for the TRUST we thought we de-SERVED or the trust we in essence wanted/desired - to never see, realize or understand that TRUST has become the perfect justification/excuse to never take self-responsibility to ensure that everything is fine and dandy because the TRUST we actually have in the first place is apparently acceptable/a natural part of life to always remain in a tight mind-bubble to never in-fact understand that we have done everything possible to maintain the madness in ourselves to deliberately/purposely to never understand that TRUST has become the perfect ingredient to maintain our CharACTers to never bring about any change to this world/reality because TRUST was never from the starting-point of being/becoming the self-directive principle of our lives - to in-fact realize that everyone can have an opportunity to realize that TRUST as true Equality & Oneness that has always been a part of Life.

To Be Continued…

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JessicaSmith
Posts: 333
Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

Post by JessicaSmith »


Day 42: In LIFE We Trust


http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... trust.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that trusting people outside myself will make a difference - because I was in essence trying/attaining/attempting to not see, realize or understand that myself thinking/believing that I need/require someone/something to be trustworthy was a reflection of myself - I allowed myself to think/believe that someone/something MUST be trustworthy because I didn't equalize this point within and as myself - to in-fact understand for myself that self-trust was what I wasn't in actuality realizing for myself - to stand up within and as myself to understand that trust starts with myself to make a choice/decision that is always what is best for all to slowly but surely accumulate self-trust that will be in the interest of All - to NOT allow myself to compromise myself in the moment to think/believe that I MUST somehow be trustworthy to need/require someone/something to be loyal to myself - because I haven't allowed myself to in essence commit myself to a choice/decision to actually accumulate self-trust to stand on my own two feet - therefore - Trust doesn't in any shape/form mean I have to need/require someone/something outside myself - because I allow myself to when/as I'm making the choice/decision in a moment to in-fact breath in every moment to ensure that I won't need/require anyone/anything to compromise myself in the moment, and so I in-fact STOP myself - because Trust isn't something I choose in one moment and not take the practical action in the other - I allow myself to apply myself absolutely and specifically because if NOT myself, then I will compromise myself in the moment to NOT take my power back to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life to ensure that Self-Trust will be accumulated - slowly but surely - step by step - breath by breath - I now see, realize and understand that Trust starts within and as myself - because I no longer compromise in the moment to need/require someone/something because I stand on my own two feet to ensure that I be/become the self-directive principle - to take into consideration those that never even have the chance/opportunity to in-fact realize ourselves to accumulate Self-Trust - to realize in-fact that this process of equalizing ourselves to understand that if its not going to be US as the Elite to accumulate Self-Trust, then who will for us? I now see, realize and understand that Trust can in-fact be/become accumulated - step by step - breath by breath - if I actually take into consideration that when/as I'm making the choice/decision to apparently need/require someone/something outside myself I'm in actuality compromising myself and those in this world/reality that cannot have the chance/opportunity to even breath in every moment or to even take one deep breath in ONE moment - therefore - When and as I am NOT trusting myself - because I think/believe I need/require someone/something outside myself to be trustworthy to/towards myself, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I'm merely trying/attaining/attempting for someone/something outside myself to remind me unconsciously what I'm NOT willing within and as myself to equalize as myself.

I now see, realize and understand that Trust starts within and as myself - to realize that its myself at the end of the day that makes the choice/decision to Trust myself in ONE moment to breath - step by step - moment by moment - breath by breath - I now realize that its myself that makes the choice/decision to be/become the self-directive principle of my Life - therefore - someone/something can never/will never be able to make me trust myself - because I would merely be in the same boat, and it would be me making the choice/decision in the moment to in-fact be here as breath - because I wanted/desired someone/something outside myself to make me trust myself, I now understand that Trust can not be forced from a person/situation - I would then be screwing within and as myself because it wouldn't be myself that was making the choice/decision to in-fact walk this process of Equality & Oneness - but I was merely driven by FEAR to TRUST myself - therefore - I allowed myself to think/believe that Trust can be a accumulated from an energetic starting-point that was my own self-interest to not take into account the interest of All to ever have the chance/opportunity to even Trust themselves - Trust is a tricky thing, from a certain perspective - Trust in this current world-system only involves the majority that actually have the essentials to survive in this world/reality, I mean, The Elite have the chance/opportunity to in-fact birth ourselves as Life to bring about an Equal Money System for those that cannot even take ONE breath - Trust is an key ingredient to being/becoming the self-directive principle of our lives to in-fact realize for ourselves that we as the Elite have the chance/opportunity to change ourselves to in-fact bring about a change to this world - step by step - moment by moment - breath by breath - So, it's our job as the Elite to NOT screw it up to actually walk ourselves out of our minds to no longer waste/wait postpones our lives for Trust can never/will never be able to be created if its not created from/as the Creator in the first place - to in essence be/become the self-directive principle of our world/reality and to realize that this takes an immense amount of self-honesty on our parts to no longer screw within and as ourselves and screw with the lives of those that could actually have the chance/opportunity to in-fact breath - to actually trust ourselves as another and NOT be driven by a mere piece of paper that gives is our Destiny/Purpose to actually have the chance/opportunity to Create ourselves here in this world/reality - therefore - Self-Trust will be the key to be/become a Creator that actually was creating in the first place - NOT needing/requiring anyone/anything to show/reveal to ourselves what we don't see in ourselves because as a Creator I will for the first time be able to - slowly but surely see myself in every moment - step by step - moment by moment - breath by breath.

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JessicaSmith
Posts: 333
Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

Post by JessicaSmith »

Day 43: Escaping the Abusive Environment

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... nment.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that I am not able/will never be able to walk process because I allow myself to self-create backdoors for myself - to create scapegoats for myself that are apparently NOT allowing me to walk this process, because I assume/perceive that those in my outer environment are holding me back to commit myself to this process; absolutely and specifically; I've allowed myself to assume/perceive that those in my outer-reality are abusing me purposely/deliberately - within this I use/abuse this door of opportunity to stand here in any environment because I'm actually relieved within and as myself to have the perfect excuse/justification to not walk this process to the best of my ability, and so I didn't see, realize or understand that the current situation I'm in at the moment allows me to really see who I am/could be, because within and as facing those in my outer-reality shows/reveals that I can stand/commit myself to this process, No Matter what situation/person I'm facing in the moment, therefore, I now see, realize and understand that process is never a decision/choice to be able to stand/commit myself to be here, exist here and live myself as breath, and making the decision/choice to NOT stand/commit myself in others - therefore - This Process of walking out of our minds and into and as this physical reality can only be walked absolutely and specifically if I'm in actuality standing/committing myself to/towards Life, and so the choice/decision to NOT stand in my current environment is crazy - from the perspective that I allow myself to walk this process of Self-Actualization to be/become an Self-Willed Equal that is standing, No Matter What - I cannot make excuses/justifications for why/how I'm NOT taking this Door of Opportunity to the best of my ability - because I am the one that decides who I am/could be in a moment, and these chances/opportunities I get from my Family on a daily-basis show/reveal daily who I am/could be in the moment - to actually in-fact understand which points I'm not willing to stand/commit as in the moment and which points I'm directing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that process can not be able/never will be able to be walked if I'm making the decision/choice to commit/stand into and as, wherein - others I make the decision/choice to react and give my power away because I'm in essence screwing within and as myself to NOT make the choice/decision absolutely and specifically to ensure that I am NOT allowing backdoors for myself to assume/perceive that I am completely powerless/worthless because I've given those in my outer-reality my power to NOT in-fact stand/commit myself to Life - within this I make the excuse/justification that most people would've given up by now because of what I'm facing at the moment, and so I allow myself to STOP, breath and bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that I know exactly what I must do to walk this process of Equality & Oneness, but I haven't allowed myself to stand/commit myself absolutely and specifically to/towards Life because I was too busy thinking/believing that I am powerless/worthless to/towards the situation I am - I realize now that I am powerless/worthless to myself because I wasn't using my outer-reality as a gift to understand where my strengths and weaknesses are that need/require corrected for myself to inevitably stand absolutely and specifically - to in-fact realize that I can stand as a pillar of support for myself, not needing/requiring anyone/anything outside myself, except the essentials I use to survive on a daily-basis of course - lol, I do NOT accept or allow myself to continue making up justifications/excuses as I go along because I assume/perceive that I am a prisoner in the situation I am - I am a Prisoner to myself if I continuously allow myself to self-create justifications/excuses because I've allowed myself to be/become fearful of who I am/could be if I were to actually in-fact make the choice/decision to commit/stand as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that my physical environment is a valid excuse/justification to why/how I am apparently not capable/will never be capable to walk this process, I allow myself to stop, breathe and bring myself back here - I now see, realize and understand that my outer-reality is a test for myself to actually in-fact see how I've limited/enslaved myself to/towards my external reality, and so I've assumed/perceived that my physical environment holds power over me to NOT in-fact commit/stand here as pillar of self-support or anyone as myself that need/requires self-direction - to in essence realize that the moment I allow myself to be/become directed to my physical environment I am making the statement that process implies being in certain environments that are apparently stable and non-abusive, I realize now that process is not commitment to stand/commit myself here in certain environments and not in others - Process is in every moment, and so I allow myself to walk this process to the best of my ability and I can see into and as self-honesty I am not walking this process in complete unconditional self-support and standing as pillar of support for those that need/require self-direction, I am holding myself back because I am too busy judging what I am doing now and what I am not doing - I do NOT accept or allow myself to continuously bullshit myself to NOT stand as pillar of unconditional support because I've been too busy judging myself the entire time to in-fact walk this process, No Matter What.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am not capable/will never be capable to stand as a pillar of support and/or supporting another as myself - because I have belittled/diminished myself that I am inferior to actual change to walk this process to the best of my ability in every moment, No Matter What my Outer-Reality is throwing back at me, and so I allow myself to be/become humble to NOT judge/take everything personally because I've been so afraid of myself to such an extent that I judge myself in every possibly way - within this the self-judgment has only allowed me to belittle/diminish myself to the point that I just want to die because I am afraid to walk this process absolutely and specifically to in-fact realize that self-support is here/has always been here - therefore - I allow myself to really walk this process of Self-Actualization to take the points into and as equalization as Self-Realization to in-fact understand that I am here, No Matter What , and so I stand/commit myself to Life; No Matter What - I now see, realize and understand that I am in a difficult situation but not impossible because impossible is in actually impossible when/as I have absolutely no resources to survive into and as this world/reality - therefore - I stand/commit myself to Life to be an example that Self-Change can be possible in any environment I am facing in the moment - I do NOT accept or allow myself to limit/enslave myself to an abusive environment because I've programmed myself that when/as the going gets tough, Give Up - I stand/commit myself to in-fact change here into and as this physical reality for real, No Justifications and No Excuses - Time to get real!!!!!!!

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JessicaSmith
Posts: 333
Joined: 27 Jul 2011, 02:53

Re: Jessica's Journey to Life

Post by JessicaSmith »

Day 44: When Nothing Seems to be Going Right

http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blo ... going.html

Continuation to:
Day 43: Escaping the Abusive Environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT walk process to the best of my ability because I have used/abused the physical environment as an scapegoat that actually makes sense within and as my mind - to maintain the idea/belief/perception/assumption that I apparently don't have a choice to walk this process to the best of my ability - within this I'm deliberately/purposely maintaining this idea/belief/perception/assumption because I don't want to actually self-will myself to move myself when/as the going apparently gets tough I want/desire to give up before I even started in the first place - in this I've allowed myself to continuously use/abuse my physical environment as why/how I'm not walking this process to the best of my ability to the extent that it becomes an excuse/justification that actually makes sense within and as my mind to NOT in actuality realize the extent to how/why I've possessed myself to remain comfortable into and as my denial/apathy to NOT walk this process - because there is absolutely no middle ground to walking this process to the best of my ability - I'm either being standing/committing myself to this process or I am making the choice/decision to remain just another CharACTer - I now see, realize and understand that this process MUST be walked specifically and absolutely - I CANNOT leave any backdoors for myself such as my physical environment because I wouldn't then be making any commitment/stance within and as myself - because my commitment/stance would be subjected to and as my outer-reality to NOT in-fact stand here absolutely and specifically - I do NOT accept or allow myself to walk this process of Equality & Oneness half-assed because process can not/will never be able to be walked to the best of my ability by/through 99.9% or making excuses/justifications that I CANNOT walk this process because of something like my physical enviornment - Process MUST be walked 100% to ensure that I absolutely leave no backdoors for myself because of self-creating these ideas/beliefs/assumptions/perceptions that I have apparently no choice/decision to in-fact walk this process - I realize now that having no choice/decision to walk this process is when/as I am starving to death or stuck into and as being an sex slave and absolutely hoping/placing and projecting faith that someone/something will finally save me from this Hell - I now see, realize and understand that its up to us as the Elite to STOP making excuses/justifications to in-fact STOP placing/projecting ourselves in these hopeless situations because we never actually known what being hopeless actually in-fact means.


I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am not in anyway in a hopeless situation because I have the more then what I actually need/require to survive into and as this physical reality - within this assuming/perceiving that I am trapped in my physical environment to NOT walk this process to the best of my ability is an justification/excuse on my part to continuously remain in complete possession of/as myself to ensure that I do not take my stance within and as myself that I am merely remaining trapped to myself because I've allowed myself to assume/perceive that I am an prisoner to my physical environment - in this I now see, realize and understand that I am a prisoner to myself because I am the one at the end of the day that make the choice/decision to remain comfortable into and as myself to be/become the denial/apathy that I didn't understand that what I face is a mirror of who I am/could be because I've been too busy assuming/perceiving that I am a victim, and so I will experience myself as trapped - therefore - All my power is taken away because I've allowed myself to be/become less than/inferior/unimportant to/towards my family because I've allowed myself to give in to such an extent that I didn't self-will myself to walk this process to the best of my ability - I now see, realize and understand I am the ONE that makes the choice/decision to stand/commit myself to walking this process to the best of my ability or I will be/become a CharACTer for the rest of my life - continuously assuming/perceiving that I am a victim to my environment, - I realize that I am a victim to myself because I cannot make the choice/decision to walk this process to the best of my ability if I am allowing myself to remain in complete possession of/as myself to ensure that I remain thinking/believing that I am an prisoner to my physical environment - instead I check myself if I am leaving backdoors for myself to NOT allow myself to walk this process half-assed - I take MY POWER back to myself to realize that it was always here in the first place waiting for me to in-fact apply/live it for the first time, No More 99.9% - its time to walk this process absolutely and specifically.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely/deliberately to self-manipulate myself and my physical environment separate from me because I've allowed myself to self-create the idea/belief/assumption/perception that I am apparently a victim to the situation I am in to the extent that I will experience myself as trapped - in this I allow myself to NOT self-will myself to walk this process absolutely and specifically because I've allowed myself to give into my mind to NOT walk this process at all - I would assume/perceive that I am walking to the best of my ability because I self-manipulate myself and those assisting/supporting me because I've allowed myself to NOT self-realize for myself that this process MUST be walked 100% - absolutely and specifically - Making a choice/decision to stand/commit myself to/towards Life and in-fact living/applying it, I now see, realize and understand that I MUST live by/through this choice/decision in self-honesty - instead I am allowing my self-interest to be/become my starting-point because I've allowed myself to think/believe and perceive that my physical environment governs me - I govern MYSELF to make a choice/decision and standing/committing myself to that choice/decision, and so I in-fact stop, breathe and I bring myself back here - I commit myself to take my stance within and as myself to really walk this process of Equality & Oneness, Time to Walk my Talk.

To Be Continued...


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