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Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 645 – The Mathematics of Evolution

Postby Gian » 11 Oct 2018, 10:16

Blog with Video in it - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... ution.html

[BBvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbQXt8b3MTo[/BBvideo]

Please listen to this recording, then you will find my writings below. I write in this blog in Self-Forgiveness what comes up within me while listening to this video. What comes up can be different for everyone, so I suggest you also write in self-forgiveness what came up for you – this can be reactions, insights, revelations, realizations, judgments – any thoughts, feelings and emotions.


What I got at first was hearing Bernard saying – everyone is For ever losing – I then realized that when we go deep enough into the word Evolution within the sound of the word and letters, we get to the word actually expressing everyone for ever losing.


Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see evolution as something great and magnificent, not seeing and realizing the implications of evolution as it is currently is that of the weak will perish and the strong will prevail, and so within that accepting and allowing abuse within MYSELF as always defining myself on the winning end of evolution and so justifying the abuse and death and destruction of all other life forms as simply being weak and so part of evolution – thus not seeing and realizing that within this Everyone is forever losing, as evolution will then never end and within the design and construct of evolution abuse is justified and even promoted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept the theory of evolution as something natural and that cannot be directed, and so I am always a victim of evolution and must simply accept where the cookie crumbs fall as natural and part of evolution – NOT being real with myself within what is here as the HUMAN created systems that are unnatural and designed within a money construct of GREED and abuse of all life, and so Evolution running as a justification within that consideration is actually something the elite/rich and greedy like, as those that are suffering and being abused will accept the abuse and not stand up, as it will be justified in our own minds as simply us being weak and also being part of the evolution process – meantime it is a human system that is deliberately created to abuse for self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as HOW I am within my living/body within the construct of evolution, and accordingly classify myself as weak or strong, where I will justify my status within the theory of evolution through how much money I have, how good I look how much sex I get, how well I am doing in social groups, and so accordingly accept and allow abuse of myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize that evolution is ANYTHING that accumulates within the 1+1+1 mathematical equation and so what evolves on this planet has nothing to do with it being natural, but rather about what we accept and allow within ourselves and this world, and so we can direct and create a world that is best for all through stopping the mind/self-interest as ego, stand for and as ALL LIFE and to accumulate that instead to evolve.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse in the name of evolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed justifications in the name of evolution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form self-limitations, judgements of myself and accordingly abuse myself in the name of evolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others, to see and judge others as weak, as useless, as less, as inferior in the name of evolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create SEPARATION between all LIFE, humans, plants, animals and even the air I breath and so creating fear and abuse in the name of evolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE up on myself and others through giving into the theory of evolution as a way to escape self-responsibility and my response ability to al life as one as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to place myself and others in certain boxes of judgement of who is weak, who is strong, who deserves to survive and who does not – showing and revealing to me that this is what I am accepting and allowing as evolution to accumulate and thus not natural by an actual deliberate act of creation that is evil, as if evil is the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to When I look in the mirror, when I see the gift as my body, as my physical, t judge my body as either weak or strong, and so accepting and allowing according to my judgements of my body a certain position within myself within this world as being part of evolution, either as someone that deserves to suffer and die and be weak, or to be strong and must survive, and so accepting and allowing not only consequences of abuse within my own life, but have the same approach to all life, and thus accepting ad allowing abuse of all life, from the small creatures and children to the big.

I commit myself to stop the nonsense as no sense of the accepted and allowed theory of evolution as something that is natural, and to instead live the accumulation as the direction of evolution of LIFE as equality and oneness of all life and to evolve life from survival and abuse to living and to be of expression in a practical realistic manner that is BEST FOR ALL.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 647 – Debates are for those that want to MASTURBATE!

Postby Gian » 12 Oct 2018, 23:26

blog link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... -want.html

[BBvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iogWf52dx4[/BBvideo]

Debates are the BAIT for those that want to masturbate – Take a listen to this recording of Bernard Poolman on the topic of debates, what are the simple and direct design of debates – and the see in my writings of self-forgiveness the points I am now taking on in relation to this topic.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the trap of debates with other people, where an argument around a certain topic simply goes round and round, where opinions keep on playing out, where each person is seeking to win, to get ON TOP (dominate like in sex) the other person as to have a money shot to feel good about themselves, even if it was only an opinion in play, nothing real, nothing based on common sense, on what is best for all life, on how actual reality functions.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that the same way self can start with watching porn, then within self, start an internal debate about what one is watching, and somehow the debate will always follow the energy, where it feels good, and not actually what is good, and so one will start masturbating to the porn, as the debate has now been concluded, there was a winner, and it was/is the mind for energy, for feelings, for experiences, even when one know one is doing something that isn’t best for self, that is an addiction, that isn’t healthy in the sense of watching porn and in one’s mind playing out dark and secret thoughts while masturbating to porn that then becomes ones character in life, the same way debates in “normal” conversations start and follow through – till the mind has won, taken the conversation in the direction of energy and not what is real, practical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to SEE and REALIZE that the energy underlying in masturbating and within any other interactions within this reality that is within the form of debates as opinions/ideas/beliefs are literally jerking off session between people and the one that win will have a similar experience as if they just ejaculated and so dominated and over powered others, and thus feel like a MASTER and so a masturbater.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when and as I find someone is arguing or attempting to argue with me over common sense, principles of life and to start a debate on the subject of Equal Money System, or all life is equal as life, or all humans need a living income, or animals and plants are equal to us, or that the earth is literally our mother, points that are common sense, such as those examples, and so want to simply blast such a person away or put them out like a fly, not feeling like spending my time in this debate of mental masturbation of energy through words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone starts a debate with me, may it be in a comment section somewhere, or in real life, to get angry and to lose all morality and time for such a person and so become harsh and shot with them, as to not masturbate them, jerk them off with energy and words, to not give them the satisfaction of friction that can lead to a certain ejaculation of release, as this irritates me and gets me annoyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the energy of annoyance to come up within me when and a someone starts or attempts to debate with me, and so to a degree give into the debate and to make myself part f the masturbating session, where I truly do not want to be or be part of, seeing and realizing that I must stop the energy of annoyance and so stop me from falling into the trap of participating in the debate at all, to give it energy, attention, friction, because that’s all that is needed to get someone started, to get them excited and hyped, a little rub.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge debaters as annoying and time wasting and so create a certain judgement within me that creates and automated response to people I judge as debaters/ attention seekers, and so my response is to be short and mean with such people almost immediately, even before giving someone a proper chance to possibly move from a debater stance to someone that stops the masturbating game of debates and to actually see and level with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting to debaters, miss the point of why they are actually debating, why they are seeking attention, and so missing the point within myself to SEE direct and beyond the debate and debater, and to actually see the being/person and to move directly with the being to the direct point that is actually bothering them, steering them, the same reason as to why porn and masturbation is an outflow of some other misalignment's within the being, that can be supported to be corrected and bring a being back to life and out of the realm of illusion/ego and some find fuck place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the reactions within me to direct and steer me within and when I am faced with a debater/debate through my reactions, where I react to where I see the debating as the BAIT to get me isn’t truly the real season as the debate, but that the person is actually placing a BAIT like a signal for - help me, I need a reality check, I need something real, I need support and assistance within something else, and this debate, debating is a distraction, a defense mechanism to hide the real issues that requires support and assistance within me/the person debating me, and so I see that I must stop my reaction, and be true to what I see and direct and move with that direct here as I see it and not let the reaction cloud my seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a wall of resistance and pre-determined responses towards people that SEEM like they are only out to debate, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FALL for debates based on being nice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my direct seeing of a point, a person or what is truly here within a debate even if it seems way off topic and so participate within the debate instead of getting to the points I see directly either with the person as an underlying point playing out or a resonant pint playing out, or as a back chat point playing out, and so linger in the debate and masturbating with words and not really getting to anything substantial that matters as matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that debates takes two to tango, and so I must also make sure that y words are not within friction/energy as to cause a temptation for those that seek to debate and become masters of others to then come at me to get themselves off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the IDEA construct of if I do not participate in a debate then I am weak, the same as when I stopped masturbating I believed that I am now not a man, yet what I have learned is that I am defined by who I am as who I stand as and not as the actions/words that I live to define myself through – and so I am defined by who I am as LIFE not as my debates of empty words and seeking dominance to define myself through outside forces as a fear/separation design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to participate in a debate even when it is clearly NOT common sense being presented or any self-honesty that I do not have integrity, yet it take s REAL INNERtegrity to NOT give INTO the reactions/temptations and to keep breathing and standing and to let the desire and want flow through me to participate, the same way one faces actual moments of wanting to give into porn and masturbation. Breathe and do not follow the thoughts feelings or emotions and back chat.

I commit myself to stop debates, within and without, to stop following the design of debates in my actions and words, to specify myself to Direct myself within my direct seeing, moving directly to the point if it is here, or to be still and to not be led into temptations.

I commit myself to when and as I see someone commenting, making remarks to start a debate to stop all movement within me, to see direct, to move with what is here directly and not the energy temptation, and so not take part in a debate, but rather in self-movement as what is best for all as the physical.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 648 - There is Nothing that Anyone can do to me

Postby Gian » 13 Oct 2018, 21:44

Blog Link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... nyone.html

Today, as I was browsing through FaceBook to find Desteni related posts and sharing of Destonians to like and share (as my only reason for existing on FB) I came across a post of a quote of Bernard Poolman that once again brought peace to me. Below is the post/quote that I found and so now I will do my Self-forgiveness writings on the points that came up for me.

Image

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point within the quote of repeating the words "There is Nothing that anyone ca do to me" as I reacted within a judgement of "but am I not deluding myself by saying this" and so build up a slight resistance to take the advice and applying it as and for myself, I do see and realize that I reacted due not fully having context within the statement of "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" and so i am here writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I read the words "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" jump immediately into FEARS I have within me of being physically harmed, attacked, abused or tortured, and so going into the back chat of " but this quote is untrue, there is so many thing that other people can do to me" and so missing the point of - There is nothing anyone ca do to ME - me referring to the eternal being that is here as life, and so there is literally within the consideration of eternity nothing anyone can ever do to ME.

I forgive myself for going into immediate thinking and back chat as the mind after reading those words and having a sense of peace within and as me, and so contaminate the expression the quote gave me to LIVE through fears and thinking and projecting and over calculating and analyzing every word and every single dimension as knowledge and information to keep me from being here and to remain trapped in the mind as energy/fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge having inner peace as wrong.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized by denying myself inner peace I am denying peace within this world, and for me to peacefully walk and bring about what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must always be in conflict within myself to be able to keep up with the world and the conflict within the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself hurt, broken and effected by this world within the believe that I must be that to be able to be real, to bring change to this world as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself inner peace as to always be on guard, to be ready for the worst case scenario's as to NOT be harmed physically, thus always living in fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear and anxiety of being harmed, hurt or anything else being done to me, within the believe that someone or anyone can do something to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the form of the flesh that I am walking within currently, and so develop fears in relation to the form as the flesh that also control and enslave me as the BEING - and so have chains and chacles on me that keeps me limited and in place to not move and direct myself as effective as possible within this world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the benefits of having inner peace within me within the words of " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as this removes the fears of and in relation to people, and so i can walk as LIFE fearless and stand as life fearlessly to bring about what is best for all life within the consideration of eternity as all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself to what extent I am controlled within the fear of others doing something to me, may it physical, mental or emotional and where I will experience myself as negative/bad and so i fear experiencing myself as bad/negative and thus I fear that this badness/negativity defines me, and so I see and realize that within understanding that everything tat effects me as the being is through me accepting and allowing things to define me, and thus not yet knowing who I am and standing as who I am as LIFE in fact, which can not ever be effected by anything in fact within the consideration of eternity as the true consideration of all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences that are induced through the physical to define me/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiences that are induced through physical events HAS to and MUST define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others react to me, talk to me defines me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others behave towards me MUST define me, MUST mean something about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe how people respond/comment or give opinions towards me must define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ANYONE to be able to do ANYTHING to me through taking everything personally, through existing as a personality character that isn't real and thus can be destroyed in a single moment, and thus I see and realize that each ad every-time someone is able to effect me, I must end that part of me and so end all parts of me that is of personality till only LIFE as who I am stands for eternity and thus "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" through ending what isn't real and standing as what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK instead of breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUSTIFY, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE, instead of breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make everything HARDER than what it is, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT breath in simplicity here as life.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am going into the mind, as thinking, as analyzing, instead of being here, to STOP, to BREATH and to move as what is real/eternal as who I m as LIFE as who I am and so LIVE " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" in fact.

I commit myself to repeat this statement to myself as much as possible daily, and specifically when I feel someone is doing something to me, till I am living this statement in fact and so enable myself to walk fearlessly as LIFE as that which is real. '
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Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Postby Gian » 14 Oct 2018, 21:58

Blog Link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... apped.html

We can only be trapped, or experience ourselves as trapped existing as the mind, as consciousness.

In this exercise of writing self-forgiveness within the point of releasing self from any form of entrapment as the mind as consciousness as energy, one must write self-forgiveness unconditionally. This means one must not only write about the points that one deep as appropriate, but also the inappropriate - the points that one can easily judge as "this isn't the point" or "I am just making this up now" - this is to ensure that you leave nothing to the mind, not hidden corners. If there is a resistance, or reaction to writing any specific point that comes up - Write it.Let me begin the challenge.

Note: I always have a one lite bottle of water with me to drink as I do self-forgiveness - a recommendation by Bernard Poolman.



Ok, so I will begin with the "trapped" point by taking my reality and taking all the possible points within my reality and unconditionally apply Self forgiveness on each point within this point.

I forgive myself tht I have accepted and allowed the experience of feeling trapped within me in relation to my reality, surroundings, the world system and life in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of being trapped to exist within me towards my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am trapped in my body and the genetic coding of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am trapped in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am trapped within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am in a trap and that someone trapped me and that I am a victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this world for setting up a trap called the "system" and for me to be trapped within this system, and so take a position of a victim within this world through my experience of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate and blame money and to see money as a Trap that fools everyone including me to fall for the trap and so take on a position of being a victim and that i can not help myself not anyone else, as we are all simply trapped victims.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see myself in relation to this world, system and life, to have a picture of an animals that is lame and trapped in the middle of the forest as that which represent my experience of who I am in relation to everything and everyone within this world, and so always being at a disadvantage within myself, a self pity position, waiting for a savior to save me out of this trap called life, not seeing and realizing that I take this position purely based on an experience and not reality as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me hold onto the OUTLOOK of my life as all and everything being the result of me being a vicim of life and so trapped within my life and what i am faced with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the experience and view point of me being stuck in a trap called life, and my life, and the setup y life is within.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that this experience is running at a resonant level all the time within who I am, how I am, where i am, why i am and so all of me in my behaviors and actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the financial position I am within, in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within all my responsibilities that i must do daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped in my daily routine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped in the house I live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped in my own skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am trapped in the responsibility of being a Husband/partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the responsibility of being a father/guardian to my child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the gifts that I have and thus responsibilities that come with my gifts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the very room I am in, within the circumstances my room is within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and believe I am trapped within the relationships as the people I must work with daily, interact with daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped with the animals i must care for daily, look after daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that i am trapped with the people that I depend on to support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the level of education I have received.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the country I was born into and so all the politics, economics and all the cultures and religions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that i am trapped within what foods and nutrition is available to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am a VICTIM and trapped within everything that exist within this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that i am trapped within the very design of having to breath air and needing air to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view and see my very body as a trap for my being/soul and so walk with that experience of and as a trapped being in a body and live that trappedness in everything and all things as a starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD the POINT of VIEW of being trapped and thus being a victim within me as my LIFE and as the design of life, and so always live and walk and breath thee experience of being trapped and thus taking on life, approaching life from the experience of I am trapped, I am a victim, what is the point of anything.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view life as a trap, as a prison, even when it was designed and intended that way by ANU, who I am and thus how I live isn't defined by that, I am not defined by that, I define me as life and life, such as a tree that grows through the cracks of concrete, defines itself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to USE the view point of everything is TRAPPING me to escape self-responsibility, to escape this reality, and so truly imprisoning myself within my mind where I am unable to move, direct or do anything except to become a vegetable.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to USE the experience of being trapped within all things and thus to be a victim of all things, to avoid taking self-responsibility as LIFE as a creator, and so to also justify my current actions, my current habits and patterns that does not serve me or all in the best possible way.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 650 – Absolute Individuality – The end of Superiority Characters

Postby Gian » 15 Oct 2018, 21:54

Blog Link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... nd-of.html

[BBvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cA_NNI- ... monDEDqwrY[/BBvideo]

Standing for what is best for all.

The universe is all in alignment – except the human being with their multi-dimensional mind, where they can make themselves believe to be any character, and be all none the wiser that it is all absolute bullshit.

Billions of years of abuse that has occurred on earth and on other planets – There is a lot of work to be done, if you are ready to take responsibility – cool. Obviously if you are not an equal individual by the time you die – you will not be continuing your journey. Only as equals can god exist.

We are eradicating from existence forevermore all those that “need to be more” and that claim themselves to be more for ever more. You claim you are more, or have some form of superiority – This is your end.

Join us at desteni.org

Suggested Interviews as extra support from Eqafe.com

The Elitist Mind - The Future of Consciousness

Perspective Versus Interpretation - Reptilians

Comparison: Competition - Atlanteans

Why the mind is Inferior to the Superiority Physicality - Atlanteans

Here is the full interview below, Above I took pointers from the recording of Bernard Poolman speaking. As usual, I will write and take on what came up within me while listening to this speech and write self-forgiveness.



Many points came up for me listening to this interview – what stood out for me was when Bernard brought up the words of “need to be more” – It struck a chord within me, multiple memories coming up in a single moment, almost as if they are flashing by me in high speed creating one memory – one setting – the setting is that of me since I was very young, always wanting to be more than ME/Myself – and so also more than others. I was never okay with ordinary, simple and basic – and just being ME, expressing as an absolute individual within equality.

Everything always became about competition, energy, win or lose, beat the other person down, or out smart them, out win them and through your shining of “moreness” beat them down – that apparent shine of superiority that within its presence itself abuse others and place them as less than, beat others for you, put them down for you to always feel safe and secure (well, at least that was the Idea) – spiteful and sneaky methods of being more and why – why? Because of insecurity, immense self-judgement, and a ton of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than my fellow man/women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through acting different from others that I am more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I “think” and “assume” that I think and assume different form others that I am more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe ad trust my back chat that tells me I am better and thus more than others and to follow through on such possessions speaking to me in my head sounding like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if my body within my judgement and the judgments of others look and are better than others that it makes me more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have an opinion that others agree with and that I agree with in my mind that it makes me more than those that do not agree.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my language and culture and the country that I am in makes me more than others, those that are different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others based on the thoughts and words that I can have and speak and articulate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others simply because f who I think I am in my own mind as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude and fool myself with the idea that one can be more than another or anything else in this existence/universe as all is one and equal in fact as substance, and so to condemn another through ones judgement of separation one is condemning self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible to be more than another as LIFE as equals, and so through that belief take on a position of god and placing others as slaves or servants/followers and thus enslaving self as a lie that needs to be kept alive through the abuse of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief within me that I am never enough, and so always threatened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough, that I was made and born less than who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as less than others, and so create competition within myself towards others where I seek to be more than who I am to be “equal” or more than others, and so sell myself out to competition and a life of winning and losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold within myself an idea/image f myself that is always less than who I am, and so create a polarity image within me of who I believe I should be, where this polarity image is a character of Hollywood, of religion, or fiction, of imagination where it is always superior in all ways to keep this image and likeness out of reach from me, and so enslave and trap myself within a race that can never be won.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase something of myself that is more” than who I am here, and so denying who I am and my own unique individual expression that can be Best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase characters and ideas of the imagination of who I should be as something/someone more than who I am here in each breath, and so create a negative polarity design within me in relation to myself where I always experience myself as negative, and so always in the pursuit of happiness, of anything that can make me feel better, even when this pursuit of happiness is to take on characters of superiority and bring other down, break others, win over others, just to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must neglect who I am here as breath and rather chase an idea as a projected image of me as the “more” and “superior” version of me, and so always punish myself for when I feel I have failed to live that idea of more, in the small or big things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others within the mind set of more or less, who is more than me, who am I more than, who is less, who am I less than, and so construct and design my relationships within my reality where I will participate only with those that I feel I am superior over, who I can win over, with whom I can play out my “more” characters with and feel good about myself, and thus never allow for my own absolute individuality as who I am here to come through within what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that judging others is a form of saying everyone must be like me, everyone must be the same, everyone must be placed into a box within my mind where everyone makes sense and so everyone must give up their individuality and conform to the form of my judgement or else they will be punished through my “challenges” and fail and be proven to be less than me, and so I am more, as judgement is a form of mental illness where the personality that is at play is that of superiority and thus dominance and control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To NOT see and realize that any and all reactions I have towards others within who they are and what they express is a form of superiority, seeking control and conforming from others as a way to make the reactions go away through making others change, instead of seeing and realizing the fact that the reactions are inherently within me/self and the seed of that cannot be found outside of one and so will keep growing till all life is abused, controlled and destroyed and self will only then realize it is within self as there will be nothing remaining to blame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of wanting/desiring to be more than who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny me/myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the gift or simplicity, equality, oneness and direct expression as who I am as an absolute individual – no thoughts, back chat, judgement, simply direct here expression as who I am, not an idea, image, imaginary me, a Hollywood character imposing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create much inner conflict and turmoil about who I am through always fighting with two beings within me, who I am here and the idea of who I should be, and so always lose, fall and end up giving up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE all and every thought, feeling and emotion an opportunity within me to express themselves, but never breath here as life one and equal, as I have judged breath and living as breath as not being more, enough.

I commit myself to embrace me here as direct expression, to stop and breath each time a false image/god appears in my mind as some fucking projection of myself as who I should be, to drop that shit, to breath and express within what is best for all life, which is me stopping the mind first and foremost.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 651 – Navy Seal Commander Explains why wake up at 4am with Casey Neistat

Postby Gian » 16 Oct 2018, 23:50

Blog link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... lains.html

At Desteni we have since the beginning recommended for people to take on the 6 hours of sleep challenge. I myself have been sleeping for 6 hours every night for the past couple of years.
Here is the video below that I am referring to.

[BBvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Cvl3_ ... ture=share[/BBvideo]

What the commander says about discipline equals Freedom is true. The same as the saying that goes, with great Freedom comes great responsibility (or I just made that one up) – But we need to have an ABILITY to Respond and not REACT to what is happening around us.

If we empower ourselves with discipline then we automatically enforce response/ability and so we then create a point within ourselves where we say “I am not a victim” I am in fact HERE and a Director, a director uses what is HERE and direct things, changes things, make things move/happen.
If you read the comment section in this video you will see many people calling out “MADNESS” due to the amount of time that is being proposed to sleep – In this Case Casey Neistat sleeps 5 hours approximately.

So, 5 hours can be a bit hard, I know, I took on the challenge of sleeping only 4 hours a night for 21 days, and even skipping on sleeping some nights, I pushed myself within many points and challenged and checked out these points for myself. I have found that 6 hours with a 16 hour working day is okay.

The work I do, is an all in one package – I live on a farm within a community, at the same time the community is my colleagues, and the farm is where I work from, I do at least 8 hours a day computer work and 8 hours I am outside (which means physical labor and moving things, getting things etc) – Like today I had to do a ton of phone calls and talk to a ton of people, I also had to do paper work for certain things, I also had to then get to our vegetable patches and take out weeds and start planting seeds. I also had to direct and manage other people during the course of the day. I also had to sit in and meet with people, talk and discuss movement.

Then, consider, since my work and home and everything is in one place – I am also all the time with my wife, my home, and my five year old son, there is no “going away” it is all moving and busy and active all the time, consistently till I put my head on my pillow at night. Not even mentioning the basics of living in this post here, like making breakfast, lunch, dinners, cleaning, and laundry and so on. (Which I leave out sometimes lol) and consider, since this is our setup, there is NO weekends, NO holidays, it is always continuous and the same flow.

The point I am getting to here is – what I had to learn and face the MOST within this point of sleep, discipline and thus response/ability that all go hand in hand was – MY inner world, my emotions, thoughts and feelings were the biggest challenge within all of this, especially with my life setup – it all becomes TOO much at times, like there is never “time for yourself” – Time away, time to just do nothing, except when I am asleep, so SLEEP did and can easily become a place to hide, to get away from, to not have to wake up and face MYSELF, my experiences, my thoughts, my back chat.

This is where the DESTENI process of writing (as I am doing here) within self-forgiveness has been my foundation and point of not JUST forcing myself into a certain idea of sleep/disciple – but to actually face why I “wanted/desired” sleep – what thoughts, feelings and emotions I was running from, what I was avoiding and so my inner change would accompany my outer change naturally.
Right now is a good example, I went to bed last night at 1am, I got up at 7am, right now it is twenty to eleven, I still need to finish this blog and post it and then share it around, so I will probably go to bed around 12, thus I can wake up at 6, I do not know yet, will see.

So, I am going to do self-forgiveness on resistances to taking on such a challenge of less sleep yet being very busy during the day, and see how I do it, how I take apart the beliefs that are pre prescribed and the opinions, the self-definitions, the IDEAS we have of ourselves and reality, and how through self-forgiveness we can actually remove the mental burdens that already make us fail, and to then have a REAL assessment of what is possible and what isn’t, not based on knowledge and information within our minds. We have to be real, we do not know what we are actually capable of until we remove brainwashing and pre-programming (that’s which we were TAUGHT from school, parents, culture, science, name it all). As always, it is up to you to do YOUR self-forgiveness on this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the idea of only sleeping 5/6 hours a night and to still be productive all day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the initial reaction to only sleeping 5/6 hours a night is based on a self-limiting idea/belief I have of myself, and so the reaction serves as a defense mechanism to keep in take the limited self-definition of who I believe I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into IMAGINATION and PROJECTION of what I might experience, and thus who I will be if I had to only sleep 5/6 hours a day, without first testing it out for myself in such a way where I walk it absolutely without pre-conceived ideas/believes about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the idea of only sleeping 5/6 hours a night when I look at MY life, what I already do and go through on a daily basis, where I already feel exhausted at the end of the day, and so already give up and give into a reality/life that I already do not enjoy and so settle for that instead of pushing myself to change it, change who I am accepting and allowing myself to be within it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when hearing of others who have succeeded in only sleeping 5 hours a day and having a functional life that is stable, to go into comparison of where I immediately pace myself as having a more difficult life, a more different life than them, and so it is all unfair and they were simply lucky and I am unlucky, and so accept and allow ME to remain the same within a victim mentality, before even actually trying and testing what is really possible for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking on my sleeping habit/comforts and to face a bit more of discomfort, even if it means I could create and actual comfortable life, and not just one that seems comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny change for myself and my life through denying such a challenge based on reactions I have, believes I have, ideas I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change, to fear what is required for me to change and to resist taking that step of actually testing something out for myself in real time, and so rather go into knowledge and information to justify and deny myself change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of taking on such a challenge, that I am not worthy of such a challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I only sleep 6 hours a night that I will die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I had to take on the challenge of only sleeping 6 hours a night considering everything else going on in my life currently, that I will have a heart attack, that I will be too exhausted to enjoy myself, to live and eventually destroy my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I had to change mt schedule, my sleeping patterns that other people, such as family members, children, partners will resist it, hate me for it and not like me for taking on such a challenge, and so deny myself the challenge and rather conform to the norm, which does not serve me either within how I’m experiencing myself and everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting such a challenge within the idea that I must succeed the first time, not seeing and realizing by taking on such a challenge, one will have actual real feedback based, which will be based on my position and location within this world and so I can accordingly adjust to what is best for me and so for all to be practical and real, yet change, moving forward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by what science and doctors have TAUGHT me and my parents about sleep and so wired my mind to believe it to be real and so wired my body to function as I believe, and so seeing this challenge as being against logic/science – yet I have not actually tested it for myself in fact to see what is real for me and what isn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an IMAGE of failure, or misery, of depletion to come before me s I think about taking on this challenge, and so already doom myself to an image in my mind of what this challenge will be like, not seeing and realizing that such an image that comes before me come from me as who I am currently, not who I will be and thus this challenge will challenge that image I hold of myself within me to be no more, if I give it a real living chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I might be in such a challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to hold onto the reason, the WHY I am doing this for long enough to push through – thus a gift within this is that one’s why might not be a real reason, and thus ones why must change till it is unchangeable, till it is a reason as a way that is that of LIFE, rebirth, of self not accepting and allowing any self-abuse or false images of self, to remove brainwashing and mind control instilled within self over years, since birth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear challenging my beliefs, ideas and opinions about myself/reality through taking on a challenge of sleeping only 6 hours a night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst of me coming out taking on such a challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst of others coming out if the worst of me comes out within taking on such a challenge, and thus fearing the hidden existing parts to show their faces, and so not seeing and realizing that these parts already exist and are in play, simply in secret, and thus to call them out through a challenge one can face them, clear the air in a directive way, instead of it coming out in surprised moments that causes harm unexpectedly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I cannot take on a small challenge of change, then I cannot expect of myself to want to change my life as a BIG part of change either.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is within the details of things that the bigger things are made of, and thus If I truly want change within my life, all life, then I must be equally willing to face change first in the details.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this challenge as a military challenge where I have to be hard on myself, harsh on myself and others, instead of seeing and realizing that it can be a gentle challenge, one of understanding and support, if this is the approach made in agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this challenge about becoming/being MORE than who I am, instead of seeing and realizing that this challenge is to remove who I believe I am NOT so that the expression of me as LIFE can simply walk through and be here as a true individual as who I am, and thus NOT to make it about becoming more, or that one is less currently, rather than one is ready to express SELF s self’s already existing potential that has been suppressed and denied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I take on the 6 hours’ sleep challenge, that my life must still function exactly the same, and thus missing the point of change, and so I see and realize that taking on this challenge I am also taking on the challenge of changing things in my reality in a practical functional best for all manner and so stop habits and patterns that are abusive, self-harming or inductive of abuse towards others.

I commit myself to when and as I take on this challenge to be understanding of myself and others and so not to fall for the emotional reactions that come up and to act on them impulsively and to use the lack of sleep as a reason/justification for behaviors/manners.

I commit myself to BREATH and to stop the thoughts, feelings and emotions from directing my day when I take on this challenge and to stick to my plan (discipline = this is the pan) and keep things real, practical and harmonious for all within the transition/changes.

I commit myself to care and be gentle with myself taking on this challenge and so not to create more emotional problems/turmoil’s but to support myself, assist myself, give to myself as a way of telling myself – I am doing this.

I commit myself to when and as I see I want to give up, to see and realize what I am falling back into, to thus STOP to not go back to what I know, but rather focus on changing the challenge to be more in alignment with what is currently practical and so build it up,,, to keep the movement forward to what is best for all as myself.

I commit myself to do this FOR me within the understanding that who I am currently isn’t y true individual expression as life, but rather a suppressed and denied self, and so I do this for me to be my true individual expression to be the best for me and thus automatically be the best for all equally, as I see and realize that the suppressed and denied me isn’t helping me or anyone and holding onto this me isn’t serving life.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Day 652 – No one gives a fuck when you die

Postby Gian » 26 Oct 2018, 13:43

[BBvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8CdTMKSUj4[/BBvideo]

You have no idea what happens after death, and you are incapable of bridging that gap, because what happens after death is so much more, and so vastly more in every way possible that you are currently in this world that you are, simply in a wink of an eye disappear – you are in the context of the universe, which are supposed to be equal with, you are equal to only one thought that you are having in your head… Listen to the full interview by Bernard Poolman



Breathe – ok, while listening to this interview, I was brought back to reality a lot more, in the sense of reality within and without, taking another look at life, a deep look. With the common sense presented within this interview, I simply cannot ignore the common sense and so the implications, and for me when something has an implication within common sense, I must investigate that implication and take what I see and apply it, make it real, LIVE the common sense practically and realistically. It sound easy, yet the mind is a fuckup/we are a fuckup, and what Bernard discussed proofs itself once again, we are fucked, unless we stand up as life/universe.

If I had to die today, something happens and I die. People will not give a fuck, I mean, people will possibly feel a bit “sad” and then “morn” for a few days, but before you know it – nothing really changed, I am simply one less human on earth. Everyone else goes on with their lives, surviving, making money, chasing dreams and all the crap the system mislead people into chasing, and stress about emotional and mental problems and family issues, relationship issues, sexual issues, drug and alcohol issues, addictions, habits, patterns, people will simply fall into “life” again and forget.

I can say this because this is my honest experience that I have had throughout time. When Bernard died, many people were sad, many cried, many felt a “loss” – Dozens of people wrote blogs of honoring Bernard and what he stood for and to honor that through their living/standing as he did. It did not take a lot of time and even such a commitment and honoring is lost, gone, as we can see throughout the years almost no one stood and lived as he did, even after writing blogs openly for all to see. I mention this point, because this point reveals a lot and just how fucked we are.

When I look at family members or friend who have died, they have all left my memory, my life, they are gone, I barely consider them ever, it’s over, it is gone, LIFE as we call this mess of a world we have accepted and allowed and so our MIDS as the fuckup we need to end, simply takes over and nothing matters, and we are back into our own SELF-INTERESTS and putting faces on, playing games, fucking around and consider nothing really except a single thought that pops into our heads and give that attention.

The point that came through for me within listening to this interview is – I have to care a fucking lot about myself as LIFE, as the UNIVERSE, end the thoughts, feelings and emotions and fucking get real with real implications of common sense.

The point that hit a nail for me is where Bernard says, we are supposed to stand equal as the universe (here consider that implications in fact in practicality, not as a feeling) and yet we only stand equal to a fucking thought, so when we die, that’s all we exist as, and like a fly, we will simply be smacked and removed, as all we existed as was a nuisance, a pest, something that only cares for itself, and so no relevance.

I write the way I do to keep it real for myself, real with myself, and so I can get to self-honesty, this process includes Self-forgiveness. My writings according to what came up for me listening to the interview is below.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself alive as a personality with a face that I present to the world outside of myself, as to uphold a face that “fits” in, where this face is only necessary within this system to a degree, yet selling myself out as LIFE in fact, not considering that when I DIE with eternity ahead of me, I will have fucked only myself through selling myself out to keep face, thus showing me who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and so exposing my dishonesty as who I accept and allow myself to be for the sake of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the faces I am paying, putting on now within this world is a reflection of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become over eons of time, and so to stop these faces and deception of SELF, I must face hard truths/realities of myself and this existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped within this world design and so live a life where I trap myself within the games of this world design all for the sake of survival/fear, not considering that I will die, and so who the fuck am I then?

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I stand as thoughts/feelings/emotions that I will not exist after death, as I can only be what I stand equal and one to, and thus I am not standing as LIFE/Universe and so I will simply be non-existent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the world system SO FUCKING IMPORTANT and my survival within it that I neglect myself and even abandon the fact and implications of LIFE itself as an eternal existence and so who I am as that in fact, and to rather make my MAIN focus on me standing and BIRTHING myself as life, instead of making money, surviving, caring only about my relationships, my emotions, feelings and thoughts that is limited and confined to a temporary system of enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that if I am only surviving within this temporary system and making that my focus as my life mission, and so Not make it my purpose to first and foremost rebirth myself as life, then at DEATH I would have achieved nothing but for a system to continue to exist that abuse and for myself to then NOT exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make survival more important than re-birthing myself as life, thus not seeing, opening up the points of I can survive with the intention of making that survival mean something that matters, where I survive to be able to have an opportunity to rebirth myself and so birth the possibility for others to also rebirth and so as more people rebirth the more we are able and capable of implementing a new world system that can give ALL life an equal and one opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider that when I die I have NO fucking clue what is after death, as I have not rebirth myself as LIFE as one and equal, and so death exists for me, where I simply end, thus not seeing and realizing that re-birthing self as life here is to be the universe, in living or in death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUSTIFY the FACES I play of that having GOOD intentions, that thee faces I play will LATER bear benefits to life, and so in the meantime I must sacrifice myself and give myself up – not seeing and realizing that no one gives a fuck, no matter how good I think I am, when I die, people won’t care, and so I am still with me, and I did noting real and concrete for myself, so then I am fucked and fucked everything else by playing faces and deception to deceive and “survive” with good intentions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sell myself, my own rebirth as life out to a justification of survival, for the system that is here within the starting point of self-interest, playing games of deceptions with others to see who likes who and who will benefit who and in the end, end up with death where I am all alone, all by myself and everyone else now do not give a fuck anymore, so all for nothing but temporary experiences of thoughts/characters that end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living as a character within the ignorance that death will not come for me, as if I have all the time in the world and can play just a little longer and then later change, yet death is sudden and out of one’s control, and one has to stand always regardless.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that petty things I am participating within my life is the small things that keep myself from re-birthing.

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all the personal things such as entertainment, happiness, joy, purpose within this world system, goals of one’s own personal life only, and so on is that which keeps me occupied from focusing first and foremost on myself while living within this world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realize that re-birthing myself as life takes survival as an experience out of life, as I am already living, alive throughout eternity as the universe and so using the excuse of I must survive becomes an excuse and exposes it as just that, as one can survive yet does not have to fear it, or live in the stress of it, or fall in the trap of only focusing on that, as re-birthing mean one is HERE alive as Life for eternity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as less than life through the participation within thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT care for myself within the consideration of death and so the implications of death and who I am within and as LIFE here and hereafter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and who I am about and around other people as if what they think of me, or believe of me, or perceive of me as something that is going to rebirth me as life, when in fact literally has nothing to do with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to CARE about what others think of me in the mislead idea that what others think of me define me and so will give me access to LIFE as eternity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within the false idea that hat others think of me will determine who I am, thus missing the point of I must rebirth myself as life as NO idea, no belief, or opinion and stand as eternity as who I am that stands as life as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT honored myself through standing as LIFE as who I am, and so dishonor life and myself through standing as characters/faces and fake smiles that will end at death and only contributed to abuse and nothing of actual value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself through giving into the fake smiles, fake characters as if they will open the gates of heaven to me, and so deceive everyone and play games with everyone within and from a point of self-interest to be in the “good books” to make it to heaven, yes the truth of such acts are evil in nature, dishonesty and deception, and f that I what lets people into heaven, then heaven is full of devils.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the common sense implications of that when I die and there is NO god, then I am fucked, as I am then all alone, and who I am will determine everything, not some entity made up in the minds of humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my “personal” and “petty” problems so fucking important that it consumes my life and swallows me into self-interest and so basically already make myself irrelevant and thus non-existent as all I care about is myself, my problems, how tired I am, how hard I work etc, and not give a second of my time to LIFE as who I am in fact.

I will end here for today. As a reminder this is my blog, my writings (my points) anything that you misinterpret or take the wrong way, or even act in ways from reading this blog, that’s your points, so take it, write self-forgiveness and end the thinking, get physical and real in breath. Thank you.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Fear of being BEATEN, and the Truth of truth - Day 659

Postby Gian » 10 Mar 2019, 22:14

Link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... truth.html

Story: I am 6 years old, there is a party of some sorts at my home. Lots of people have shown up. Everyone is walking around or sitting and talking. There were no kids of my age, just me among the bigger people.

Between all the partying, I found myself looking for a place I can hang out, so I naturally went to my mother. She was busy talking to other ladies, so I was told to not interrupt. I decided to stand there and rather listen, to some degree that was entertaining, to hear what people talk about and say.

As I was standing on the grass listening to my mother speaking, I noticed they were speaking about other people, my mother said something about something, I could not remember, At that moment something came over me in relation to what my mother said, I knew she was LYING, and it slipped out of my mouth, I interrupted my mothers conversation and I said directly to her, you are lying!!

My mother, very quickly corrected me, through threatening me in her words and her presence, telling me, YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT, she looked like she was going to assault me, I had a massive rush of fear coming over me - the next thing my mother said, GO to your room before I slap you. I turned away and I did not know what to make of what just happened.

I was told to not speak the truth or I will be beaten and threatened and possibly die. I walked away to my room crying by myself. I part me felt broken at that point, a new fear arose within me, a fear of control.

I remember from that point on, I never said the "truth" again, I always stayed quiet where I could, not saying what I knew or saw, but rather see how I could make a story up, or simply avoid anything that placed me in a position where I knew "better" and had to deal with myself and my fears to not speak what I knew. As a Kid at that age, I did not have any alternative motives to not speak the truth, so now an alternative motive became my very own fear of talking the truth, and now, how to NOT speak the truth (truth is to not deny what is here) but rather say nothing or make up an excuse, or to paint a different picture instead.

Present moment:

So now, many many years later, I have found myself "lost" within how do I speak what I see, in the fear of the person or people involved might react, revolt, or even go further and BEAT me, now when I say the word beat here, I am referring to either physically or with words/knowledge - as both can harm, the sword or the tongue. I get overwhelmed with this fear, especially when I know what I see, and so instead of speaking, I become my mother - I react just as she did at that moment when I was 6, I become possessed, I have no way of directing the fear, and so I rather go into anger and let my shit out that way, as I suppressed truth over time, I created a demon that will never allow me to speak truth, as it possesses me before I could ever say what I truly wanted to say and end up saying all the backchat and thoughts that accumulated in fear.

Through the Desteni Message and principles, with all the tools available, I have now come to see even more, as I have learned about self-honesty, I have come to also see the difference between what is TRUTH as in honesty as deception, and what is Truth as in self-honesty and self -assessment.

Truth can be the truth, if someone is lying and I call it out, then I am speaking the truth, yet am I speaking out from the starting point of what is best for all? or for a self-interested point? as I reflected on that moment/memory, when I was 6 years old, I saw that I said out loud to my mother that she is lying, because I myself wanted to get back at my mother for not allowing me to participate in the conversation, so I used the truth to give myself a winning moment, this was very subtle, but damn was this truth of myself hiding deep down and years of hate and resentment took place, and only through walking my process in self-forgiveness and investigating my past, was I able to see how I have used this memory for years to hold something against my mother, and ignoring the truth of who I was within doing what I did, thus blaming and not seeing the equal and one participation of both sides that took place.

I used I was just a child, I was a child was pure and innocent, so I was right, I was broken by your words mother, for years this ran in my head because I used it to NOT have to take responsibility and to get away with my own shit within myself.

I share this story and moment to once again give the point forward of how important it is to walk your process and to stop the games playing our lives, and so LOOk at the truth of who I am, who you are in fact, really slow down and see into your memories for real, see the points, and realize the truth of who I am must be life, not some game of minds.

This walking of this point for myself, brought forgiveness to me and for me to my mother, as it gave understanding (disclosure). I also realized how easily I am my mother, and she me.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Feeling Trapped - Day 660

Postby Gian » 11 Mar 2019, 22:22

Blog link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... y-660.html

When I was a teenager, I had a secret bag in my closet, packed with what I deemed "survival gear" lol. This bag was a manifestation of my readiness to sneak out of the house and disappear, to run away, to get out of the TRAP we call life.

I would lay in my bed at night, spending a lot of my time thinking about how I would run away, where I would go, what I would do, even to the point where I would be willing to kill others on my journey if they wanted to harm me. I would then think about how to hide the bodies, what to do with the bodies to not be caught, I had the idea that since I am a runaway, no one would suspect me, or find me.

My idea of running away once manifested for about 45min, I climbed out of a window with my bad, I started walking, down the street, it was very dark, very quiet, and I knew where I wanted to go.

I walked all the way to the highway which stretched for hundreds of kilometers away from everything into the wilderness of life. I stood still at this highway, I took in the cool fresh air, I looked around a bit, taking in the view. Then I heard a few men and bottles behind me moving and making noises, I immediately RAN as fast as I could all the way back to my parent's house, climbed into the back through the window and got back into bed.

My idea was shattered. I remained trapped in this world, I could not even leave my home freely, without fear of being murdered, kidnapped and who knows what else.

I had this feeling of being trapped no matter where I was, with friends, family, new people I lived with, relationships, name it all, I always ended up feeling trapped, stuck, like whatever I am in now is the reason for me to feel trapped, so I HAD to get the fuck out, IF I got out, well you guessed it, I felt trapped again not too long after in the new place, new people, new everything.

I became addicted to certain music, trance, techno, and many other types of music as a way to escape into my mind, eventually, I felt trapped by the music lol.

With walking my Desteni process I asked myself one question on a day after doing some great self-forgiveness - what if I am the trap, that traps everything and everyone else, what if I am responsible for trapping things through my constant experience of being trapped as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRAP other people within my experience of being trapped, and so actually create and manifest not just the experience of being a victim that is trapped, but live in such a way that I actually trap myself and others within my reality as being trapped as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within the thoughts that I am trapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within my own patterns and habits designed and laid out of that being trapped, and so actually trap myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see reality as a trap, and so see everyone else as people that t that want to trap me, and thus already create distrust within me towards others based on an illusionary world in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize the trap I have been trying to run away from was/is within me as the mind, as the thoughts/behaviors/patterns that I participate within religiously as truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others through constantly holding the judgement within me that they are stupid trapped people that does not even know it and so they are less than human, and more like zombies, and so use people only for my own persuit of happiness in escaping the trap and being free, while trapping everyone else by abusing them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I abuse others and do onto others exactly that which I fear is being done onto me within my MIND as an idea/feeling/thought, and yet manifesting it into reality through my living/bahaviour and patterns.
I forgive myself that I have not seen how I caused and created a TRAP of fear for my parents of me wanting to run away, out of a fear and feeling of msyelf for being trapped.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize how I trapped women in pamen in pain and emotional turmoil by cheating on them, breaking up with them just because I felt trapped.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that I as teh paranoid and fearfull person of being trapped, causes and causes enslavement and entrapment through my actions to want to GET out only for myself, and so in the process abuse and trap everyone else. yet I never seem to get out but only more and more trapped as I try to get out.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realize that the more I want to get out of the trap of being poor, thus not being rich and so pushing to get out at any cost, I am pushing others int poverty and trapping them in the exact position that I want to get out of.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that I must stop, simply stop, any and all enegry, all movement within as energy, breathe and move myself from HERE as a single point of movement as living what is best for all standing one and equal as ALL that is here, to see and realize that we are ALL trapped, and we ALL want the same, feel the same, need the same in common sense, and so there is NO way only I am getting out unless we all get out one and equal, where getting our does not mena running away, but where we all stand for and as each other in oneness and equalyt, changing the system, supporting one another within personal change, and not to push someone else down so that one can be ontop.



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Self Crucification, Watch Out

Postby Gian » 22 Jul 2019, 16:05

https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... h-out.html

This blog has some cool points in general for someone not familiar with Desteni, I write this blog mostly for the community I am within and those to come to our community of Destonians. So if you are not familiar, please take a look at desteni.org - as this blog is process specific and for those that have done their research and work for years within Desteni to come to the point of self-honest investigation and self into me I see.

Jesus was amazing in being and living the word as who he is in expression when he was here on earth. He demonstrated not only in his words and living the way forward for life/humanity but he also showed us that anyone can do it, stand as life, as we are all the same, from the same substance, equal and one, and so absolutely responsible for ourselves and what is here on earth.

Jesus as amazing as he was, and still he did not get it fully (so yes, you can stand as expression of life and still fuckup and even more enhances the problem), to the full extent of what is here as this existence, the mind/consciousness and most of all self-honesty, and neither do I yet, but it is clear for all to see that Jesus showed us who we are as life, and he at the same time showed us how FUCKED we are, we can literally have a GOD walk among us as an example of WHO WE ARE and we will Crucify that god for doing so. This is the one point where Jesus fell, being crucified instead of pushing through all the way as much as possible, it was his (personal) downfall, yet for us all, it was a gift still to show us the extent of the problem that is here if we dare see.

How easy is it to fall for the idea in our heads of rather sacrificing ourselves for others and hoping they would make it, they would get it, and give up on ourselves personally to transcend and rebirth as life one and equal as life here? it is very easy, because it is nice to think that if I sacrifice myself and give up on myself but not others, then they will make it, YET what I do know is, people follow by example, so in the end we have everyone sacrificing themselves for others and no one making it, because no one is pushing all the way through, breathing, self-forgiveness, living and walking brutal self honesty within a specific principle of what is best for all life, standing up and changing self and so effect the world in ways unthinkable to the mind. I mean, Jesus' time was two thousand years ago, and in that time no one has stood up as he hoped fro crucifying himself.

Have you crossed that path in your life? as the gross of Jesus symbolizes, the cross roads, where you either crucify yourself, give yourself up, give up on yourself due to reasons such as age, time, commitments, "responsibilities", stress, fears, insecurities, ideas and believes or plain out just not caring anymore and just want to be happy in an illusion till death pops that bubble?, OR where you climb off the cross as the BURDENS you belief you carry, lay them down and say, NO, I do not accept and allow the MIND as the cross to burden me, I stay with my feet on the ground and walk the path until it is done? This is a point everyone needs to and will face in their life, unexpectedly, subtly, or quit openly/direct, and a decision will have to be made, and once a person faces this point and decides to walk instead of crucifying themselves, it becomes a path that can only be walked in-breath, or the cross is simply lifted and carried again till an appropriate spot is found for it to crucify self on it, give up on self.

In our heads it can sound so nice when we tell ourselves that "I will sacrifice/crucify myself" for the sake of my family, children, or for others to have a chance this life, and we really sell it to ourselves to justify our actual FEAR of really facing the self-honesty of what exists here and how fucked we truly are within and without of what is HERE accepted and allowed as LIFE. It is truly a difficult path, and if Jesus could not make it, then how can I? take a look at how hard christianity sells the idea that Jesus is still alive, somewhere on a cloud, and they do this because they must have HOPE. but inside everyone really knows he is dead and did not make it, because he isn't here now in his flesh as they say. We all can see that. and thus we all know deep inside, fuck, if Jesus could not make it, how can I? and what does the path then truly entail.

Luckily Desteni is here to give clarity on this path for all, and the message, the educational material, and most of all the tools to walk this path, and Bernard who walked as an example to show. But, what can we learn from ourselves, even when a support structure such as Desteni is HERE, giving the process and the way on a plate for all to see, to walk and to live, it still seems no one is making it. have you made it? I have not yet made it..

Especially, when we look at ourselves, and we have had these tools and all the information that is needed 100% for free online, open for all, all given clearly in what is needed, the principles, the message, the understanding, and the tools, we find ourselves falling and failing and crawling and struggling and giving up on a yearly, monthly, weekly basis for the smallest challenges, obstacles, reasons and 99% they are mind related, not real. This creates the desire for a cross for oneself, even more, to rather pick that cross up and carry it, find a spot for it and place ourselves on it, and then hope that this suicidal crucification will somehow symbolize to our children, friends, peers HOPE!! that they can do it, but rather it is in return symbolizing we are fucked, gave up, and not what you think or want it to be. I mean a cross is a torturing device that kills someone slowly with crows picking out your eyes.

A self crucification can come in many forms, it mostly will symbolize in either two polarities, one of negativity or one of positivity in how we present our self crucification to others, to still create the Illusion of it being good, or meaningfull, just like what religion is doing to Jesus crucification and how it becomes a massive selling point, we sell our crucification to others, as if giving hope to others to keep moving on, keep pushing on, is all that is needed, but we ourselves are unwilling, we would rather parade around looking happy, or saticfied with ourselves in a world of dispair, or try and demonise everything and everyone instead of really being an example of walking the walk, facing our shit, being real about the shit that is here, walk a very specific process of educatio, and using tools of writing, self-forgiveness, corrective statements, sharing that openly where it is supportive and best for all, being very specific with a principle we live by and stand by, and so become a living example of change is HERE, not in a hope, not in our children, not in others, in ourselves, and so self crucification is a made up fantasy of change, a self-rightcious approach to change.

I have found and identified the point for me that indicated I am carrying my cross and readying myself for self-crucification within this process, and so I use these markers to check myself, as picking up the cross/mind is subtle, it is self-deceptive, it is cunning, it is planned in a manner that seems like it isn't a crucification.

These points are as follows, and they are real and physical.

- I stop writing, personal writing, or blogs..
- I do not speak my written self-forgiveness to myself.
- I stop listening to Desteni interviews, recording and forget about them
- I stop reading and educating myself, and clarifying for myself information that is available on the Desteni Website and only consume bullshit elsewhere leading to only knowledge and information that satisfy a conspiracy, a feeling, an energy that restarts by the engine of the mind and nothing else, feeding personalities and characters.
- I stop participating in group events, chats, forums, making videos/vlogs, sharing my process in the channels available such as FB, not being visible for cross-referencing. as the cross is then already planted for me to hang on, not in sight for others to see my action of self0crucification coming.
- I more and more lean to do things of entertainment rather than my process.
- Process is last on my list to give attention, instead of it being my living and sharing and fist priority as who I am as life.
- making money and relationships a focus point as an excuse to why I am not yet getting to my process.
- Concerned about what others think more and more and so retract myself from expressing myself.
- Making my process a burden instead of a living expression of who I am, as the burden indicates there is already a cross on my back, the mind.

Ok, those are some indicators I use and check out for, priorities, focus on one's process naturally becomes first once the realization of reality and what is here as who we are really sinking in, within the consideration of eternity and all life within it.




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