Gian's Journey to Life

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Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Choices, Justifications and Fear. Can I express myself Truly

Postby Gian » 23 Sep 2019, 19:10

https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... can-i.html

I forgive myself for wanting to justify myself in my self-expression.

I forgive myself for always binding my self-expression to others, to reasons and justifications of why and what and how I want to do things, knowing that like a child I simply want to express, I yet do not have the words to justify myself, and I should not regardless, all I do know is I must express myself.

I forgive myself for BINDING everything I want to do or am doing to others, and so create blame and anger towards others as not agreeing with me, not giving me space, not allowing me to make certain choices.

I forgive myself for denying myself my self-expression, the choices I want to make but am not as I can not find reasons to why I want to specifically make certain decisions and live in the expectation that I must be able to explain myself before I can make any decisions and so never make real decisions, decisions that support me in my expression and self-realization.

I forgive myself for FEARING that if I can not in detail give good reasons as justifications to why I want to make certain decisions that I know I want to express, yet not knowing how or why, that I will hurt others and disappoint others in my decisions, as I bind my decisions totally and completely to others as being a slave for others, and so not express me, not live me foolishly and letting go of fear and justification, yet always living within principle to live what is best for all, and what is best for all is to not live in fear and justification.

I forgive myself that I have made my mind SOO BUSY with back chat and inner battles of my own voices through conjuring up reasons as justification to present to others as why I want to and have made certain decisions in my life, when the fact is I have NO reasons for decisions I have made or want to make, it is here and the points are here, I express me.

I forgive myself for judging myself for having choices/decisions within me that I can not explain, they are here and I know I must live them, I must go with it, and as long as I do not I am basically killing myself slowly but surely, as I am living in fear and justification and not as breathe as me as expression which is self-dishonest and so dishonest to all those around me.

I forgive myself that I have placed a morality on what I can express, live, and what I can not base on how I have built reasons and justifications in my mind bound to others and their possible moralities, fears or ways and choices, and so fear to make my own choices and disrupting others choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not set myself free within this process through owning up to choices I want to make and to follow through with them and express me, as I see I have actually directive power in moving and directing myself in choices within expression and NO power in living in justification and fear, and thus as long as I hold myself back in fear and justification I will always remain powerless, even within my own expression as who I am here one and equal.

I forgive myself for not giving myself the space to make choices within self-expression

I forgive myself for not giving myself my authority to simply make a choice and stick to it without justification or it being bound to someone or something else and owning up to my choice and living fearless, blameless, back chat free.

I forgive myself that I have a NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize that I still see a lot in this world from a retrospect position, and there is nothing wrong withing making simple choices without reason as justifications and fear guiding my decisions, but rather me as my expression as what is best for all within self-realization.

I forgive myself for hoarding and collecting and spinning tons and tons of knowledge and information around in my mind as my back chat trying to build up stories and reasons and justification to why I have a choice within me and wanting to live that choice, as to first have this CASE that I can present to the court as to get a jury on my side to agree if I can be free or be sentenced to life in prison, instead of simply standing within a choice I have and living it, and even if people want reasons and answers and justifications, to not give into fear and justification but to rather stand by expression and sharing my expression in doing so.

I forgive myself for not moving myself as self-expression within what I stand within as what is best for all, and so move myself accordingly within what is here as my self-expression as what is best for me, as that is best for all, me at my best, and so move me, not bound to others as justification or fear.

I forgive myself for holding myself back through not having any justifications or fear of the choices I make or want to make, but rather give into the fears of what others will think and so go into hyper mode of looking for justifications to ease their minds and get them to agree, which never works and will not work and is robbing all from realizing their own points by playing a mind games.

The End



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Our Expression Is In Risking Our Knowledge - Fears

Postby Gian » 23 Sep 2019, 19:11

https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... g-our.html

Be silent always - take a breath before you speak,
look inside to self for guidance - find your way to self expression -
never bind it to another, but to ALL for self realization
then support yourself in your choice
don't justify

I find the choices I made that I could not explain, guided me the most clearly,
because I only understood in retrospect - yet I had to overcome fear and
justification - because fear and justification wanted to explain
my choice to me - our expression is in risking our Knowledge

Knowledge Enslaves

-- Bernard Poolman -

I am going to keep using this Quote of Bernard as my guide, as I see I still want to go into the mind with knowledge as justifications, fears, of expressing myself, and I never seem to actually support myself in my own choices. I always want others to support me, have their concent and approval.

How the fuck am I ever going to change myself, not to mention the world if I keep holding onto fear and justifications for my choices, I was looking at ME expressing myself, what comes naturally to me, and what has come naturally to me since starting this process with Desteni, the tools, applying the tools, forgiving myself, and walking within principle, understanding the mind. I see that I have suppressed and denied myself what comes naturally to me, I have made my choices second for others, so seeing this, I see I am the one responsible absolutely, and no one else.

The fears are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR losing people, creating friction with people if I express myself, specifically in a way where what I express or do seems pointless, where what I express comes from self-movement that is HERE and not as knowledge or information that can be used to justify and reason any movement, which I understand people want, as that creates security for them to KNOW.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself half-hearted to not disrupt others around me, to speak my truth of what is HERE and to move me as what is HERE, not as the mind as justification and fear, moving beyond fear.

I forgive myself for fearing that if I dare to express myself, to move myself as who I am and what comes naturally to me through walking this process and living within the principles of and as this process to stop the mind and rebirth self as life, that I will fuck up and make mistakes that others will use against me as fear and justification to show me how wrong I was, YET seeing and realizing that, that is okay, That is their points, I must stay true to myself in this process for myself, no one gives a fuck when I die, so I better give a fuck.

I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that I actually only fear myself living fearless and morality free and so each time I see direction that is here within my expression of what I need to direct and move, not fully understanding it myself, just knowing I have to, as who I am within walking within my principles and process, I go into fear of myself, and so to hide from myself I used my environment and others as reasons as justifications to why I can not express myself, to abdicate my self-responsibility as to make myself a slave that has apparently no choice, and so diminish myself and manifest msyelf as fear.

I forgive myself for FEARING the system and limiting msyelf to the system that exist here as being the cause for me to NOT express myself, move myself as my self-expression as what is here as who I am within my process, where I will use MONEY and circumstances as FEAR generators to not move, to not be truthful to myself as what is here and deny what is here as self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that making decision in self-expression and supporting msyelf within my decision through looking inwards to msyelf for guidance, does not mean I move forward blindly, it means I am not using the past as knowledge/justification and fear to hold me back from my movement forward as my potential as who I am here, and as long as I do not move forward as my potential here as the truth of me, I am enslaving myself to the mind.

I forgive myself for NOT seeing and realizing that Choosing to move as my self-expression is me choosing LIFE and not fear, it isn't choosing self-interest, as fear and justification comes from the mind as self-interest.

I forgive myself for making MONEY and fear of MONEY, not having enough money, not knowing how I am going to make money if I chose to live my self-expression a Justification and FEAR and so a disguised reason of "keeping it practical" to not move at all, just keep it safe as justification and fear, and so not do anything in expression, and so choosing to support the mind instead of risking KNOWLEDGE for my self-expression, which will be an act of forgiveness/honour and respect for myself that will manifest as who I am within consideration of eternity, not just this one life here.

I forgive myself for doubting my self-expression and so sell myself out for knowledge, fear, and justification.

I forgive myself for doubting myself as who I am within expressing myself, for NOT seeing and realizing that moving within self-expression opens up doors, possibilities and growth of self and this world, as proven time and time again when we do what is HERE as our expressions then it is easy, natural to move and direct self and reality, when we choose knowledge as fear and justification as the past, we only create the past and nothing moves and the mind survives.

I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that I become very reactive and taking things personal when I have dishonored myself in my self-expression for selling myself out for knowledge, fear and justifications, as I am then living in self-dishonesty, as I have bound my choices to others and start blaming others, rejecting others, and seeing others as enemies, thus abdicating my responsibility and taking my anger for my self-dishonesty out on my environment as an outflow of self-dishonesty.

The End



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

look inside to self for guidance - Can I Trust Myself?

Postby Gian » 23 Sep 2019, 19:12

https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... can-i.html

Be silent always - take a breath before you speak,
look inside to self for guidance - find your way to self-expression -
never bind it to another, but to ALL for self-realization
then support yourself in your choice
don't justify

I find the choices I made that I could not explain, guided me the most clearly,
because I only understood in retrospect - yet I had to overcome fear and
justification - because fear and justification wanted to explain
my choice to me - our expression is in risking our Knowledge

Knowledge Enslaves

-- Bernard Poolman -

Look inside to self for guidance, This sentence is specific in the wording, I had to within reading this sentence itself slow down to really grasp it, it says LOOK inside TO self..... For Guidance. Read it slowly, it does not say THINK or have thoughts, or back chat and self-talking, it says LOOK, looking TO self, not into, TO. Thus seeing self, and when I look TO myself I find myself focused on my chest area and breathing, I find that space of silence and I SEE, not think, not project, I see what is HERE as me, as who I am, it is silent and so a seeing.

What am I seeing? when I look, can I trust myself, how do I live that trust, how do I stand by that self-trust to what is here? when all I have ever known is the mind, thinking, back chat, my feelings and emotions that are located just below my chest that I so easily confuse with ME/Self and respond to as if it is who I am.

Silence is Key, the key to silence is to BREATHE and give self that moment to slow down, actually Look to self/me for guidance, give that space, the mind wants to be quick and jumpy, it wants to give answers NOW backed by energy, emotion, back-chat and all the shit going on within the mind and manifested in the body as the mind.

Self-Trust

I forgive myself for not standing independently owning all my choices and taking full responsibility for everything in my life, as to avoid having to direct my movement forward in self-responsibility and consideration of my self-expression.

I forgive myself to not owning my current position and location, for avoiding who I am in the here moment as me, as to avoid the self-dishonesty I live within, to avoid having to take a real step forward as correction that is best for me within this process, within who and what I stand as within my principles, to move myself as my self-expression within that forward and to direct myself from that starting point to be as effective and efficient as I can be in a natural way as who I am.

I forgive myself for believing that in a moment of conflict/discord or normal conversation that I cannot be silent, that I cannot look to self for guidance, that there is no time, and so go into the mind and respond based on the rush of emotions and energy that is there, and so lose self-expression and self-honesty and never actually dealing with what is here and always moving past reality and creating cycles, thus not establishing self-trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when two opposing views collide, come together in conversation on any topic, that I must collide, I must bash, I must go into defense mode, justification mode, and so go into fear mode, where I believe that as long as I can not explain myself in detail within my expression that I will lose and so must use energy to win through using justification, words charged with the past and situations long gone, and so always end up losing within myself as I never got to actually in fact express me and what is here, as I only expressed the mind and so moved back in time, not forward, and miss any self-support in my own choices.

I forgive myself for fearing supporting myself in my self-expression in my choices.

I forgive myself for not valuing myself as life as who I am and trusting myself within my self-expression, and so not support myself or anyone else effectively.

I forgive myself for not trusting myself and my direction/choices as I believe myself as being less than others.

I forgive myself for believing that I am less than others.

I forgive myself for not trusting myself and my choices for seeing how I look at things as much different than how others look at things, and so have created a judgment of how I see/look at things as being the wrong way, the less responsible way, when I have proven to myself each time I have supported me in my choices that I grow, expand and succeed, as I can and am putting myself into my choices and way of seeing/looking at things fully, which counts works.

I forgive myself for not having embraced the unknown as a reality within expressing self and that expressing self is an act of self-trust as it is moving into the unknown, and thus there cannot be justifications to be given and so self-trust to make a choice and live it fully is the only way forward without knowing and not fearing, as it isn't needed because I have myself and my self-trust which stands in every breath, living within my principles and standing.

I forgive myself for not trusting my SEEING as my inner guidance from myself to what is possible and living it as my self-expression as who I am, and rather give into fears, justifications of the mind that leads to stagnation and condemnation.

Reality check points.

I forgive myself for giving into the mind as supression, when the mind brings up years of supression in a moment where the mind will project imaginary realities of possibilities if ONLY I do this or that thing, go there or be there, and so create a depressing reality out of the current reality that is here, to generate a despair within me as to rush out of the current reality into the given one in my mind though the mind from years of self expression supression and so go into more supression and regrets and back chat, instead of seeing and realizing stop the mind, breathe, be here and direct self as self-expression within what is here.

I forgive myself for wanting to justify correction through and after realizing years of supression built up within me and what is here currently, through making big actions as to get back what I have not done, seeing and realizing that this is also fear and thus not a solution and a disconnect with relaity as it is, and so I slow down, I look to self for guidance, I support my self-expression herewithin what is here.

The End



Gian
Posts: 1093
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:18

Misunderstood Living - Self Forgiveness

Postby Gian » 01 Mar 2020, 06:49

Blog Link - https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/ ... eness.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with myself in such a way that I misunderstand myself, without taking a moment to breathe and be clear within myself and the communication I have with myself to be clear and direct as an expression of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I communicate with myself to fall for the emotions/feelings and thoughts that come up within me and to follow them, instead of sticking to what is truly within me as my self-expression and clarifying that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy way out by following the thoughts/feelings and emotions that come up within me, to take them and communicate them, instead of taking a moment to stop the thoughts/feelings and emotions and to see what they are trying to hide form me, my true expression and to find words to place with my expression and live that, seeing and realizing that the mind as me fear expressing myself truly as it is unknown, different and much deeper on a substance level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be ready in any given moment to respond and communicate as a way of defending myself, my ego, to show that I do know, I know myself, I can speak instantly and at will, I do not need to look at anything before speaking, and so implying in the moment that I am already right, not taking the time to see all the dimensions, to see who I am within all the dimensions that are here and to place me within consideration of all dimensions that is here as my expression and see what I will say and do as the path forward that is best for all as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience fear/anxiety/nervousness to go into instant speaking as a way of hiding the fear/anxiety/nervousness, instead of slowing down, taking a breath, forgive myself and look inside to myself (not the thoughts/feelings/emotions) as my expression and who I am and thus what I want to express truly as me as all dimensions considered in the moment, to bring out my true utmost potential as life as expression one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing in a conversation, to fear taking too much time, to fear missing the window for me to speak, and so go into speaking without checking, without placing the words correctly first as who I am, so that my words reflect me one and equal inside and out, and so to stop cycles of regret.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized how I have throughout my life only ever spoken from thoughts/feelings and emotions and never truly considered where they come from, why they show up and how they work, yet I spoke them and acted on them, and so in return created a reality for myself of always feeling and being misunderstood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for misunderstanding me, for not hearing me, for not seeing me, never considering that I have a world of my own within me, based on how I was raised and brought up within the education system, and this world within me is limited to the vocabulary I was taught/given and so the same for every other being on this planet, and thus when I communicate from my thoughts/feelings and emotions I am in a position assuming that everyone else have those thoughts/feelings and emotions the same within them as me, and thus that they must simply understand me and I do not have to be specific or take the time to specify myself, and so create more conflict and distance and feeling like I am all alone within my world when I communicate with others. Seeing and realizing that it is my responsibility to be clear on my inner world, to know myself truly and to place the words with me as my expression to express myself one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be to lazy to specify myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that laziness is self-judgement, and so exposing myself within the point of change, that I simply judge myself as not being able to change, or that it isn’t possible, so I go into laziness to sit in self-judgement and do nothing about what I clearly know needs to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my expression within me must simply come from me naturally and that everyone and everything must simply get me, accept me as I am, knowing that what I am expression without specifying it, clarifying it for myself in thought word and deed, that I am not even accepting myself and getting to know myself for real, or creating myself for real for when I find something is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to change before I can change, seeing and realizing that I will wait forever, and thus such though is but a point of postponement and justification for not taking the time to change myself for myself first and foremost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I feel misunderstood, and when I am misunderstood and I become emotional about it, that I am revealing only to myself that I do not actually yet understand me, and so I can not go into blaming others for not understanding me, as I myself need to first understand myself to be able to fully express myself in clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that emotional responses/communication is an indication of lacking self-clarification within myself, and not about what I am reacting to about others/things within this world. Thus I see and realize that when I have a reaction, emotional or feeling where an energy takes over my thoughts and thinking and I want to respond with that to another or about things, That the emotion/feeling is a contamination that took the place of self-clarification, and so I must remove the contamination through clarifying myself with words, as to align my thought and words with my deeds as a living expression of me, and not a reactive responsive expression with no actual standing/foundation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make everyone and everything else a problem, how people react to me, what they say to me as them being at fault to the things I say from thoughts/feelings/emotions, not seeing and realizing that the responses are in fact proper responses, as a thought/feeling/emotion will only bring more of the same, and thus no clarity, simply energy bouncing around creating friction in a fiction of minds communicating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character/personality of myself that I define myself as, as who I am, from the thoughts/feeling and emotions I have, as a way to justify why I am not specified, why I do not actually know myself, why I have not taken the time to take what is within me and clarify me within all that is within me and outside of me as to know myself as an actual being and not just a personality disorder of thoughts/feelings and emotions that react to life and living, but rather be the directive principle and living example of what it means to be ones utmost potential and so create a world that is best for all as self where all personality disorders end and each being lives in clarity of who they are and where nothing can manipulate, deceive and justify anything, especially ourselves, thus creating a world that is best for all as who I am, who we are, being the living word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that what ever my GOOD intentions may be, if I am not clear within me, self-specified within my words/worlds that my intentions will never manifest one and equal, as my living and words will always come out much different then the intentions I have/had as I myself do not even know how and what to live to manifest my own intentions, as I exist as randomness within me, randomness will manifest outside of me, and no intention can find its way within such an environment to manifest as the intention, and so I see and realize that as long as I do not specify myself, place words to my expression and living in details, clarifying myself in each breath and moment, that I am always within the intention to deceive/manipulate and justify myself and nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I must change myself, specify my self-expression within what is best for all, all ways, as this is the only way to actually specify, as all life, and not within self-interest, as that is only self-fish from the point of not expanding self to all life as who I am, and so the only specification that can exist is that which is always within what is best for all life and so me as my best version of myself in living and communication with myself and others where my words are always within consideration of all dimensions that exist here.

More to come….




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