Andrew's Journey To Life

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Post by Andrew »

From SIMULATION To STIMULATION – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 781
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-781/

So recently I have been looking at and investigating into the word ‘STIMULATION’. I noticed that how I was Living out this word Stimulation was not supporting me and not aligned within myself and my living in a way that was reflecting my utmost potential. What I noticed is that I in fact had accepted and allowed this word ‘Stimulation’ to be aligned more with Consumer Culture instead of a Culture that Cultivates ones Utmost Potential because obviously Consumer Culture does not in fact do this but is oriented towards quick fixes and Surface images where you more end up fixated on some external point to generate a sense of happiness, enjoyment or stimulation within you.

I noticed for myself that I have essentially lost that ability for myself to Stimulate Myself, to MOVE Myself in my reality in a Creative way when I am faced with a moment where “I don’t know what to do” for instance.

So I have been recently practicing re-defining and re-creating myself as this word STIMULATION where I use this word as a place holder, holding and signifying a part of Myself to Change and Transform into an Expression and way of living and being that reflects my utmost potential.

So what I have been doing is “keeping an eye on” those moments I face where I had noticed how previously this word Stimulation had become ultimately ‘an abuse of self’ where for instance when I faced a moment where “I did not know what to do” or there was a Free Moment Here where I could essentially decided for myself what I wanted to do and how I wanted to express myself, and it was here in these moments that I would take the CONSUMER CULTURE Definition of this word STIMULATION where Id just go for the Consumer Culture QUICK FIX where for example Id indulge in just wasting my time, scrolling through facebook, watching TV Series, movies, youtube, and consuming all kinds of media where id end up zombifying myself in front of the computer ‘Stimulating’ myself however, this kind of stimulation is actually a SIMULATION because nothing really happens in Real Life. All the activity is just taking place in my own Head/Mind as I watch and experience surges of thoughts, pictures, energies, emotions and feelings all associated with what I am watching but I myself am just literally sitting there doing absolutely nothing.

Now, I do see that its cool to enjoy watching your favorite series or what have you, but my problem was that I was using it as an escape and as an EASY OUT, and so my LIVING of the Word Stimulation became abusive because it was based on taking the easy way out and just wanting a quick fix stimulation where essentially I am using the hard work, creativity and resources of others who come together to for instance create a TV Series, where here I am, just getting stimulated by it but not ever Expressing my own Self where watching the creativity of others just became easier than being Creative Myself.

So now I see I have to begin again Developing my ability to Stimulation Myself and be Creative myself.

So I realized that this is exactly where I can Re-Create myself and Transform this word STIMULATION so that instead of it meaning where I just sit there and be stimulated by something, where all the stimulation is actually only taking place in my own mind, it means that I stimulate me through by my own Self Directive Movement where I am actually Physically moving myself through my initial resistances and directing myself in my environment and stimulating my environment and myself physically. A cool metaphor for this is like how you can Stimulate a Plant to Grow by watering it , and aerating the soil or feeding it nutrients or weeding around the plants, or where the wind blows and rustles through the leaves, or where insects and animals are interacting with plant and creating this whole entire culture of physical stimulation in and around the plant that supports in the overall growth of the plant and its ecosystem, its all based on physical movements and interactive relationships.

So basically I am now looking at a Correction here where when ever I am faced with those moments where I am wanting to go into the old definition of Stimulation where I just get on my computer and wander through the internet, I in those moments, can support myself to change this to REAL Stimulation, Physical Stimulation where I move and direct me in a way that Supports the Growth and Development of Myself, My Environment, and Others to Live and Express to our Utmost Potentials.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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The Resistance of “I just don’t really feel like doing it” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 782
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-782/


Today after getting home from work I settled in on the couch to just relax a bit before I got into directing some other points I had planned to get to in the evening.

As I sat there on the couch I started feeling a bit more heavy and lethargic and tired and had the usual “well now I don’t really feel like doing much” experience come up within me.

This has been a specific ‘Experience’ I have been accepting and allowing to get the best of me lately and actually for quite a while really. I can actually trace this point back over a year in terms of the nature in how it is existing within me and my life at the moment.

I have started a couple new paintings at home as something that I can do later on the evenings a point of Self Development instead of just essentially wasting my time on the computer. But within this, I am still faced with Resistance as that initial experience of “not really feeling like it” which I see is or has been one of the main points in which I’d allow myself to give into the mind and the reasons and excuses to not Direct, Move, and Express Myself, and LIVE in a more supportive, substantial way.

So it is this specific resistance experience that I am “calling out” in this blog and putting a name to as a specific point for me to be aware of and support myself to walk through in moments when it comes up so I can support myself to Get More Out of Myself and Expand Myself and Live to a Greater Potential.

I noticed that once I got up off the couch and did the dishes and got things ready to paint, that I kind of shook myself out of that lethargic, tiredness experience, and I also noticed that after I had finished with my painting session that I experienced myself as much more alert within myself which if I were to go off my “mind logic”, the same mind that earlier was telling myself that “I don’t really feel like it” then you’d assume that I would be more tired after working more. But I did notice I experienced myself as more alert actually which to me was cool feedback that my Expression was more Supportive for Myself, than just sinking into the couch and vegging out.

Another dimension I am noticing when it comes to moving into processes or expressions of creativity or action is that sometimes it might take a bit of pushing. Like a car that you have to turn over a few times before it starts, and then you can drive away. I noticed this even with this blog tonight, that I had to push myself to “get over” the Blank Page that was staring me in the face where at first I actually didn’t have anything to write about, so it took a bit of pushing and prodding myself to start opening something up and then getting into a flow.

I have also noticed with my paintings that It is very easy to allow myself to accept different judgements about the painting as a justification to not work on it, like thinking “I don’t have a good enough idea” and then so I do nothing.

So this is another dimension I am seeing as a point to be aware of as I walk this process of moving from Simulation to Stimulation meaning where I move from how I would just sit on the couch and entertain myself and basically Simulate all kinds of activity in my mind through watching tv series ect, but that I wouldn’t really STIMULATE myself through actual Physical Self Movement within my Reality.

Okay so just opening up a few dimensions I am seeing within this point of me Walking the Process of Moving From Self Simulation to Self Creation and Self Expression where I am Living/Moving/Stimulating myself in a more Physical, Self Supportive Developmental way.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Are You Satisfied With YourSelf? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 783
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-783/

Today I was looking at the word “Sedation” and how this word is currently existing within my own life in terms of how and when I see myself actually Living-out this word as going into, or participating with/within my reality in a way where I manifest this outcome of “Sedation”. Writing a blog, is Not an activity perpetuating this word “Sedation” within myself/my behavior/my life. Writing a blog is Self Directive and requires attention and self movement. In a way “Sedation” begins first as Distraction, and then you follow the distraction and become pre-occupied, and then snap yourself back to HERE, but then notice another distraction and then follow that, and I have noticed that if I do this enough times, I start to become comfortable in that distraction state, and then from there in going deeper into the distraction ends up as a kind of Sedation.

So Why does one have this tendency to not only want to distract oneself but actually move into this Deeper Sedation Experience.

Okay, now here I am noticing the MIND coming in.

The Judgements, the backchats in relation to how I have existed in this word Sedation in my own life.

One of the Judgements/Reactions is Fear. Fear that I will never get out. And that I will allow behaviors that are not bringing the best out of me and essentially Living a Fulfilling Life.

Because the ultimate question is simply – Am I Satisfied with myself?

And here I am not talking about where you are only satisfied with yourself if you are like the CEO of some multimillionaire company or president or like some super human achiever in this world. I am talking about a more Simple Satisfaction. Like Satisfied with your Day, that you worked on the things you wanted to, that you made your mistakes and forgave them…because I do see that “being satisfied” could still exist within a point of also having made mistakes, or making mistakes. Its a possibility.

So If I ask myself this question and the answer is No, I can look at my reality and look at the parts of my reality that contributed to this answer, because I do see here that this will encompass those parts of yourself that you are kind of on the fence about. Those parts of yourself that you Tell yourself you are okay with or that you can ‘manage’ but ultimately when you ask yourself “Am I Satisfied With Myself” those ‘on the fence’ parts of you or those parts of yourself that you have been tolerating and thinking “you can live with” will come up. At least that is something that I am noticing right now. So this can be a cool marker of what to cut out and what to keep.

So perhaps this would be a cool benchmark question to ask yourself a few times a day. Or once in the middle and then once in the evening to sort of give you some feedback within yourself of what of you really Do want to change about yourself and no more just want to continue tolerating and allowing and just not finding that deeper reason to see that change through. Because that is something I have struggled with definitely. I will decide to change something about myself, but then after a while I forget my reason of why I wanted to change that point and then I will stop the whole change process – Though I do see this point of Being Satisfied with Self as a Cool Marker for what to leave and what to change where this point of Being Satisfied With Self can be that Deeper Reason, because I do see this as something that would be cool. To be really Truly Deeply Satisfied with Yourself through and through.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Thou Shalt Not SCROLL! – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 784
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-784/

For the past three days my partner and I have decided to make an adjustment to our “internet usage”.

Our starting point for this was to change how we use the internet which we observed had become abusive and diminishing in nature where a lot of how we were using it was for entertainment and distraction.

For me personally this has been something I have been wanting to do for a while but just never ventured to do. So the rules of our engagement were that we were to stop

“Mindless Scrolling”

“TV Series and Movies”

“Searching for Distraction”

“No Sports Highlights” (this one was more for me)

“No Games”

And that’s about it, and that we would take this on for 1 week.

I wanted to see how this would go and what I would do with myself.

Ultimately the point is to Support ourselves to develop Supportive Movement and to create a way to break from that automated behavior of just magnetically grabbing your phone and checking to see whats up, which does not bring the Most out of me.

So now when ever this experience or urge comes within me, I am faced with actually having to DECIDE what to do with myself and to make sure that that Decision is doing something supportive.

Its amazing actually how much time I wasted EVERY NIGHT on “mindless scrolling” and checking the hockey highlights.

So now instead of just going for the phone and sinking in, I have to be much more deliberate and aware within myself with regards to what I am going to do.

So we will walk the 1 week and see how it goes and see how we can adjust the point afterwards to make sure that we just don’t revert back to the old behavior.

So ya, so far it has been interesting in those moments where that urge comes up within me to “check my phone” and that desire to just scroll through my facebook because I don’t actually really want to have to Make a Decision with Awareness. So within doing this I can also support myself to overall Slow down and just be Here and check in with my experience and body instead of diverting my attention into my computer. So rather I can focus my attention on Myself, on HERE, on my Presence, on my Physical Body, and just Breath and Practice SELF AWARENESS where I see my internet use has definitely become a practice of Self Distraction and Separating myself as my attention from Myself. Even after just 3 days I have already noticed more of a Presence within myself during the Evenings which for me where the “problem periods” where I just get home from work and dive into the computer and only come up for air every now and then.

Definitely recommend to the Scrollers out there to give it a shot… know you want to.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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How I Practice Living the Word “GROUNDED” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 785
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-785/

For the past few days I have practicing Living the word ‘Grounded’ to assist and support myself overall, but to also assist and support myself in changing a pattern of mine where I was indulging in ‘Distraction’. What is interesting is that if you look at the word “Distraction” it can be seen as “Dis-Traction” which translates into where you don’t have TRACTION and for me I noticed this dis-traction was also like a ‘slipping’ where I just so easily slip into a pattern of distraction and then being wasteful of my time and self and not really Supporting myself to LIVE they way that I know I am capable of doing. And so for the last few days I have been Living this word Grounded and will share here a few examples of how I have began doing/testing/implementing this into My Self Application.

A few days ago, I was challenged to come up with words that Describe my Physical Body. And here I am not really talking about the physical appearance of the body but more how I have experienced myself as my physical body over the years. So within slowing myself down and looking throughout my life how I have experienced myself in and as my Body or how I would describe it I came up with a list of words, with the First word on this list being GROUNDED.

For me this experience of myself being Grounded is where I find I am very Stable within myself. I am also very calm and there is very little happening within me. I am Calm, Stable, Quiet, and I find there is a clarity within myself. Like an ability to SEE what is going on around/within me. A Clearness.

Its actually quite a comforting feeling/experience.

There is also this aspect of things moving very slowly or where everything just comes to a halt and I am HERE within myself Grounded and Clear and Clam.

So as part of the Challenge of coming up with words I would describe my physical body experience as, was also to use these words to SUPPORT SELF within ones life and living. And so for me I took on bringing this experience/word more into the Front and Center of my Day to Day living and Awareness and Exploring how I could Support myself by and through Living this word that I Sourced from looking into how I would describe myself as my Human Physical Body.

So firstly what I started doing is “connecting” with this Grounded Experience more often, meaning where I would in moments during my day, just slow things down, breath and see if I can bring through that Grounded Experience within myself that I have over the years in moments accessed, lived and experienced within myself.

I also started doing this to support myself to move out of what I was mentioning earlier about my “Pattern of Distraction” and so I started looking at and exploring how I could use this Word GROUNDED and use that to support me in correcting this pattern of distraction that has become quite prevalent within myself and my life where I just become so easily distracted by things especially the internet and then I would end up going Deeper into the Distraction and then wasting so much time instead of really creating and developing my Best Self and my Best Life.

So I have begun accessing if you will, this experience of Grounded so for example where I face a moment of where Id normally slip into distraction. Rather, in that moment, I would bring forth this Grounded Experience as this Clam, Stable, Present and Quietness, and I would just calm things down, and Slow things down to a Halt and just be HERE in that Self Physical Groundedness and from there I would not only stop myself from slipping into the distraction because now I HAD TRACTION, but then I would from that Grounded Stance, Move myself in a Different Direction.

But I would say a Key here was just really slowing down and stopping myself in those moments where id want to just slip away into Distraction. And you know, often times my want and desire for Distraction was based on a Hectic Internal Experience, so within bringing forth a Calm, Slowing Down, Stable experience within myself, it was a point of me Facing that “busy mind experience” slowing myself down, Grounding Myself and then Saying “Okay I am HERE, I am Present, and I am Grounded, so now its like there is Nothing to Run From, No Hectic Experience to Run From because “I am HERE and Grounded” and so this point of Creating this Grounded Stability within me has also been a process over the last few days of Supporting myself to Ground myself in relation my mental/mind experience as a point of just supporting myself to be more HERE and Calm and then within that I Rather Direct myself into something more productive or supportive for me. And so it has supported me to Gain Traction to then Direct Myself instead of existing in Dis-Traction.

For me to LIVE this word also meant where I am actually being MORE PHYSICAL in my Living where often time my points of distraction where more mentally stimulating like watching series/movies and other internet stuff. So for me Living this word Grounded also meant to Live MORE IN my Physical environment, which even means for example taking a moment to tidy up my physical surroundings, or pet the cats, or just sit with myself and breath, or take the time to cook a meal.

So when I began this process I asked myself “How Can I Live this Word Grounded as this Experience that I initially described as this calm, quiet and clear stability within myself, into my physical and mental life and living?”

And from there I looked at how I had so many things always going on in my mind in relation to “all the things I had to do” and this would at times become quite overwhelming, and so another Dimension I have been exploring as a way to Physical Practically LIVE and Create this word ‘Grounded’ is through by Creating a Daily To-Do list for myself where instead of just having all these tasks and things I want and have to do swirling around in my head, I can write them down and practice giving them more Structure and Anchoring them HERE in the Physical on a Piece of Paper that I can use to GROUND all these swirling ideas and my plan here is to within doing things, clear the air a bit as in clearing my mind and have a more Practical Way to walk and plan tasks in my day. This has been something that I have thought about every now and then and saw this as a cool opportunity to implement creating and structuring to-do lists to just Support Myself in keeping more organized and structured in an area of my life that in essence wasn’t really becoming very much grounded using my usual method of just getting to things when and as they popped up in my mind. So I have been working with and developing this utilizing a to-do list structure the past few days which has been enjoyable so far and has supported me to just be more organized within myself and my physical environment.

Okay folks, that’s all for now. A few examples how I have been utilizing and Living this word ‘Grounded’ as a Support for me to correct this pattern of distraction that I had become prone to and to Support myself to Create myself and my Life into something more effective.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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What’s in a Sigh – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 786
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-786/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sigh and give up, meaning where within my sigh, I accept and allow myself to actually give up in that moment and give into the mind, as all the inner justifications as voices in the head that come up in relation to Walking my Life and Facing the Challenges of my life where I will reach moments where I will, in a single sigh, actually within that sigh be giving into those justifications and the mind and in a way be making the statement of “I give up”, “I can’t handle this” “this is too much”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice how many small moments there actually are where I have been giving up on myself, that happens for instance within me making some sound or speaking a single sentence, that has the signature of “me giving up on myself” instead of the signature of “I Stand, and I commit myself to Take Responsibility for Myself and My Life until ALL Life is Equal and Supported into Living and Being our Utmost Potential”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold my body in such a way where I want to manipulate my partner to “see how difficult my life is” where in essence I am again giving into the mind and into the idea that I have created within myself that is actually a limitation that “my life is so hard” and “my life is so difficult” and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to manipulate my partner to in a way have pity on me and in having pity on me validate my limitation as the idea that “my life is so challenging and difficult” and that “its so tough for me”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted that “my life is too tough for me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a though in my head that tells me “my life is too tough for me” and “I can’t do it” instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I have created myself and my life, and so if I created it, I am equal to it and can Change and Re-create it and myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to be aware of these small nuances within me such as a sigh, or how I hold my body, so to make sure that I am not within my posture or sighs, be giving in and giving up on myself in relation to Walking My Life and Walking my Process of moving from Consciousness to Awareness.

When and as I see myself sighing, or changing my body posture as a point of giving up on myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that when I do this, that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself and not directing myself to Live to My Utmost Potential, and so I commit myself to be more aware of these moments so that I can Take back my Directive Principle of Myself in a way where I am improving myself and developing myself and practicing Living in a way that Supports me within my utmost potential. I also see that when I allow myself to participate in these subtle moments of Giving up on myself and Giving into the Mind through sighing or holding my body posture in a certain way so others see how challenging my life is, I see that in doing this that I am missing Opportunities as Moments to Practice STANDING UP and Taking Responsibility for Myself and My life and in this Support myself to DIRECT Myself and My Reality much more effectively and so in these moments, I commit myself to Breath and Stand Here in FULL Awareness and not give in and sink into the mind but rather Practice Standing in such moments, Breathing and Directing Myself to Continue on Moving myself Practically in my Physical Reality doing what ever it is that is Here to do and Direct and so in this Develop my Stand and my Effectiveness in Practical Living, something that I have observed diminishes through accumulated moments of giving into the mind through allowing oneself to give up through sighing and also using ones body posture to manipulate others to see “how tough things are for me” I commit myself to FOR MYSELF Meet my Challenges through by Not Sighing, but rather through by Breathing, remaining Stable, and aware within myself realizing that the challenges of my life aren’t just going to go away by some miracle but that I am Responsible for Myself and my LIFE Completely.

The Points I am writing about in this blog came up as I listened to the following interview Series

Giving Up – Atlanteans : ... s-part-162

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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REGAIN My Presence – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 787
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-787/

So this last week I have been opening up this process of moving out of Consciousness/The Mind, and into and as Self Presence/The Physical Body/My utmost potential.

And my experience within this has been tumultuous. Though this tumultuous experience is not actually new but is in fact a more common or usual experience for me within this process of “Standing Up” and moving myself out of my mind and into myself, into my presence, where I am Here, Directing Myself and My Reality to its/my utmost potential.

Recently there was an emphasis put on this process as something to be more aware of and so I was more than usual focusing on this and focusing on changing my usual pattern of when I am faced with moments where I can either BE HERE and Face the Moment in Self Awareness, Presence and Direct Myself, or to rather just go into the mind, go into feelings, go into distraction, where for me I do tend to still allow myself to stay in the mind or chose the mind rather than stepping up and standing up and taking initiative and Directing and Creating myself and my reality in a way that is more aligned with my utmost potential and more Substantial.

So even with an emphasis and a more deliberate movement to practice my Stand, I found still that my usual pattern remained persistent so to speak. Where I would still sew-saw back and forth in the usual manner instead of Establishing a more Steadfast Stand within learning to Stand, Face, and Direct My Reality and Myself in every moment.

This has to do with all the things that come up in normal day to day living such as household duties, relationship duties, work, business, and career related duties ect.

I have noticed a pattern within me where I will Stand and Face this Reality…..for a while, but then I will “run and hide”.

So for me what I have been practicing is being more Steadfast in my Stand with the intention and ultimate fulfilment of being able to Stand and Direct myself in each moment without the need or desire to distract myself or return back into my mind, into thoughts, into fantasies, into emotions, into experiences, into pictures, but rather Stand and Face this Real Reality that I live in.

At this point the last couple days I have been utilizing writing to pull myself out of my mind/consciousness and back into reality, back to my Presence, back to Myself. Where the writing becomes a tool to understand why I am allowing the same pattern of “hiding from myself/my reality” to persist, where I will make attempts to change but not fully pulling that change through and so I have for the last couple days specifically been utilizing writing as a tool to strengthen and enhance my Stand so to speak, as well as to GROUND and Stabilize myself and prevent myself from slipping further into the mind/mind experiences where for me I have often allowed myself to just sink into the mind where here what I am practicing is stopping this allowance of instead of just allowing myself to “sink deeper” into the mind once I have already allowed myself to participate in it, to rather support myself through my Writings and Self Movement to REGAIN My Presence and thus again Decide to Stand and Direct myself in Self Awareness. Because I find that when I “FALL” in my stand that I tend to beat myself up and feel shitty and then just feel a form of hopelessness where my Question to myself is that “Can I Pull Myself Out of this experience quicker” rather than just waiting and waiting until the experience kind of just runs its course and then after that I decide to Get back up and start directing myself again.

Its not ideal – meaning, If I would just be standing and HERE and Present at all times then I would not have to bother with the whole process of pulling myself out of experiences, and out of distractions and out of the mind and finding my Stability and Presence again but for me, because there is still a see-saw happening within this process, I am here testing ways to essentially Stabilize that See-Saw, and pull myself out of “mind experiences” quicker than usual to get myself back to a point of Stability and Self Direction, and so also support myself to spend more Time being Stable then being in the mind, and so integrating more Consistency in my Stand

Okay so that is just some dimensions of the process of learning to change and create myself I have been walking the past little while.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Post by Andrew »

Simply Sharing – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 788
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-788/

Here I am going to SHARE a bit of my Life Process with you today.

First thing is, I slept in in the morning. When my alarm went off I allowed the resistance of getting up to overwhelm me and so I made the decision to just sleep until I am not tired anymore. I make my own hours for work, so it wasn’t like I was ‘late’ where someone else is counting on me. So in a way there was a kind of “backdoor” there for me justifying why I could and so will sleep in. Yesterday was a bit tough for me and so the sleeping in this morning was kind of residual point from yesterday. Once I got up and got to work, I was satisfied and it was nice to be at work and just able to focus on that. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I ended up cutting my day short. I had a bit of reluctance to do so, seeing as how I was already late, but I decided practically speaking its just how things were working out.

The amount of hours I work each week is quite a point for me where it is something I think about a lot. And something that can at times create a bit of turmoil within myself if I am not living up to the standards I have set for myself. So for instance, today it was important for me to not stress out about the fact that I was late getting up because that just creates unnecessary stress after the fact. Something I have been working on over this last year, where I practice “letting go” and not stressing myself out over work and money.

Once I got home I decided to work on my painting for a while. This was also a way I could “get a full days work in” The painting is evolving interestingly. There is definitely still a “feeling out process” taking place and I notice that that tends to create a resistance where its like “If I am not quite sure what or how I am going to paint the next part” I am more resistant to “getting down to work” but I have defined that experience quite clearly for myself throughout the years so can recognize that experience and not allow it to direct me.

Later in the evening I decided to turn the internet OFF on my phone so that I would stop checking it. My Starting Point behind this was so that for the rest of the evening I could practice simply “Being HERE” where I could Substantiate My Presence more instead of allowing the phone point to distract me every 5 minutes where I am checking my notifications. So instead, in those moments-in-between, instead of sinking into my phone, I just sat there, in my reality, in the physical, and just focused on Myself , My Presence and my immediate reality. Overall Supportive.

Then I ate chicken alfedo pasta for dinner that my partner made. Then I did the dishes and made us coffees.

That brings me to now where I am here writing this blog based on the starting point of simply SHARING MYSELF.

Okay thats all for tonight – Movie Time! – We are watching “Silence”

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Musings On EXPANSION – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 789
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-789/

I have recently been walking a process of Living and Becoming the word “Expand”
Or at least that has been my intention, within learning the process of Self Creation through learning how to “Live Words”

So for the past while I have been investigating how to live the word ‘Expand’ or ‘Expansion’

A lot of the time I noticed that when it comes to doing this I draw a blank. And I don’t know exactly how to do it.

Though throughout the past couple weeks I have been looking at this point of how to Live this word Expansion and what that means and how to integrate this expression within me of Living “Expansion”

What has evolved in doing this is that throughout my day I will have moments where I ask myself “What does it mean to Live the word Expansion in this moment” I might be doing the dishes, or going to sleep, or driving, or creating art, or looking for something to do. So periodically I have been asking myself this question and have noticed this question of “what does it mean to live the word expansion” coming up more in this later phase. Usually when I ask myself this, the answer that comes up within is related to my awareness where I see that “in this moment I can expand my Self Awareness” through simply being more aware of myself and what is going on in my body where often throughout my day its like I am not so aware of each body movement I am making and what is happening within me. So one way I have Lived this word Expansion is through by Expanding my awareness of myself in moments where I previously would have just carried on with more automated behavior.

Another way I have been exploring the Living of the word Expansion is through by allowing myself to do things differently when it comes to my daily living from the perspective of breaking out of my routine or mold. This is essentially, not only giving myself permission to, but also deliberately doing things differently in moments, and thus allowing myself to Expand my behaviors and how I am going about my days. So there is more of an Embracing of doing things out of my routine instead of resisting them.

I have also noticed how in my life that I have been stuck to certain degrees in some particular behaviors that I see have no benefit to me at all. And some of those behaviors are rather quite limiting, like for instance ‘entertainment’ (enter-containment) or (enterTAME-MENt) where I enter this form of trance like state and just allow the hours too fly by without me doing anything really practical or beneficial for myself. So this is another area where I see Id like to more fully Live the word Expansion through where I in these such moments to rather than just Subduing myself in front of the internet, to rather Direct myself to Live something more Substantial and Developmental for myself. I could even Expand on what I watch on the internet where I could even for example watch shows that I normally would not consider.
So there have been a few moments where I noticed myself going into this pattern where I kind of Sink into a subdued state within myself in front of the computer, which I have identified as specific instances where I can LIVE this word Expansion through by actually ENGAGING Myself into something, instead of Disengaging which is happening when I go into this subdued state and so throughout the last 2 weeks I have had a few moments where I noticed myself slipping into this state, and then so asked myself. How can I rather LIVE the WORD Expansion right now, because ultimately doing anything other than basically shutting down into this trance like state in front of the computer would be an Expansion of myself and so then I would Deliberately move/direct myself out of this behavior/state.

I have also been developing more of a consistency in my application with Art the past 2 weeks. For quite some time (years) I have been wanting to develop my paintings more but have struggled to get anywhere with this and would always just end up stopping and giving up only to come back to it weeks or months later. So One aspect of my life where I have deliberately been exploring what it means to LIVE the word Expansion is with my paintings.

Common sensically, the way I see to Live the word Expansion with my paintings is to in fact put in the physical hours/time working on that part of my artwork. That is the only way it will ever expand and I will ever expand and develop that point into something more than just dabbling here and there. So with this point, Living the word Expansion is more a physically practical point where I have to physically spend more time applying myself in my paintings. Within this also I have been working on practicing “Allowing myself to Expand” meaning where I allow myself to explore what it is that I am painting instead of just being fixated on one way to paint or do things in my paintings, I allow myself to try out new ways of painting, new subjects ect. So this point is more based on a Starting Point where the word “Expansion” is part of that Starting Point where I give myself permission to try new things out and just allow myself to Explore without judgement. It has only been short while with all this also, so I do see that I can still practice all this a lot more in understanding and learning what it means to and how to LIVE the word Expansion in my life.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Post by Andrew »

Rushing To Progress – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 790
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-790/

Today I have been looking at and opening up the word “Progression” And interestingly enough, here I am, at the end of the evening where an experience of stress came up because I have essentially run out of time and am not able to continue ‘progressing’ so to speak.

So with this experience it actually brings up another dimension of this word progression because for me in Living and Expressing this word ‘Progression’ in a Supportive Way implies that one would NOT be left in an experience of stress at the end of the evening, whether one ‘runs out of time’ or not.

So for me this stress is related to having a few different points that are ‘high priority’ all aligning at the same time in my life right now and I am now having to leave some of these points un-directed at the end of the day.

I am satisfied with my movement today in terms of being consistent and directive with myself and not going into procrastination, however still there are points left undirected and so now I have to ‘let them go’ until tomorrow or until I can get to them.

I can see that if I accept and allow this ‘stress’ experience that came up this evening that that is just going to tire me out even more because now my body is in a state of stress and kind of twisting around on the inside. My back-chat is

“oh fuck, I am not going to get this done”

“this is not good”

“shit things are going to go bad”

And more such back-chats within this nature.

Now all of these things that “I have to get done” are somewhat of an accumulation of things that is connected also with my movements this past week or month or even year, and so I understand that being consistent with for instance Creating Progression, is necessary, but also I understand that there must be a balance when things just don’t go exactly as planned and other points open up and new projects open up and the priority list shifts around, and so Living the Word Progression I can see relates to being consistent but also being able to ‘let things go’ at the end of the night and not obsessing about things but rather allowing yourself to be okay with what one did accomplish.

I can see a tendency within me to obsess about things that “I haven’t gotten to yet”

And I also see that I still do tend to procrastinate when I do have available time instead of Directing Myself in become a more effective Creator of my Life so to speak, and so these are 2 dimensions that I see I can include in my re-definition of this word ‘Progression’ that I brought up this morning as a Word for me to practice Living today.

I can see even as a write this blog, that I am “thinking ahead” and wanting to get onto the next thing on my list.

Here I see a Correction is necessary because Real Progression is done when one is walking in Self Awareness within the Task at Hand, because then this way, they are more deliberate, clear, and Specific in the task and I do see that this is more Supportive in ones Living ones Utmost Potential and ensuring to get the most out each moment.

So within Living this word Progression, I am seeing this point of making sure that one do not RUSH or start jumping and thinking ahead is important because then one MISS THE POINT Entirely, which is to BE HERE.

So here “Progression” isn’t necessarily about accomplishing tasks, which is initially how I had framed it. Rather “Progression” is about being HERE and Walking in SELF AWARENESS in each moment and breath.

That way one move and Progress in ones Day with Awareness.

Essentially, any Step of Progression one make, must be done within and as Self Awareness. And if I start stressing out, than I am not really progressing at that stage, but more just regressing into my mind

So moving forward I am going to shift my definition a bit and now look at and consider this aspect of how to Live the word Progression, where it isn’t so much just about completing tasks but rather about completing tasks WITH AWARENESS and Self Presence.

Okay So still some adjustments and points to explore here but will end the blog here for tonight.

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