Andrew's Journey To Life

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Post by Andrew »

PROGRESSION: Feedback on Living a Word – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 791
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-791/

In this blog I thought I would do an update on my progress of Living the word ‘Progression’. So updating my Progress on Progress.

So when I first started opening up this word ‘Progression’ I started with looking at it more externally from the perspective of completing more tasks and projects and just overall being more consistent with moving the projects I have going on.

Then after a day of practicing this, I ended up experiencing some late night anxiety in relation to “not getting everything done” that I wanted to. Although what I see about this is that this experience was also in part to the consequence I created within my own life where I didn’t effectively LIVE this word “Progression” in the past and so all the tasks and projects just started building up. However I did have this late night anxiety experience come up in relation to “not having enough time to do everything, and so I thought “okay I maybe re-defined this word incorrectly” And so from there I more started looking at some internal aspects of how I could go about Living the word ‘Progression’ where I can also include this process of being able to “Let Go” when the evening is over, knowing I did what I could and now time is simply up until the next day.

I have now realized also that my initial Re-Definition of this word “Progression” was valid and still something I can work on which I have been doing.

So I have been practicing Living this word in simply by cutting back on “time wasted” and pushing myself to be more Directive with my Time in actually moving myself to work on the projects and tasks I have to do at the moment instead of allowing myself to linger on the computer in between tasks where that lingering actually turns into an entire event that ends up wasting time.

Another word which came up as I have been walking ‘Progression’ is the word ‘Consistency’ where these 2 make a nice marriage of sorts.

So I have just been focusing on moving myself throughout my day and cutting back on down/linger time. So this initial approach to each day has been a newerish placement for myself where before I began Living this word progression, I didn’t have as much purpose within my day where at the end of the evening I would be more likely to just trail off into the abyss of distraction. So that is one dimension I can note within walking this process of re-defining and living this word progression, that within myself there is a slight-bit-more Purpose within me throughout my day!

I have also been reading and enjoying this book called 10x by entrepreneur Grant Cardone. I came across Grant Cardone a few years back and initially I resisted his approach to things, because he was quite aggressive and ‘over the top’ and I though to myself “this guy is running off of energy and is going to crash” but through the years I would keep checking in on this guy and he is seemingly still functioning on the ‘Level’ of intensity that initially was abrasive to me. And so now as I have followed him through the years, his INTENSITY is actually something that I find intriguing. So I have been enjoying his book and I find reading it makes me want to get off my ass and push myself.

So with reading his book, my aim is to develop my own intensity from the perspective of “Living with Passion” you could say. So yes, reading this book and seeing how another approaches “getting projects done” is another way that I have been assisting myself in developing and Living my own Expression of the word ‘Progression’. Essentially here using the book to ‘learn from others’

Okay so I see that there is still a lot I can explore with this word so that it becomes something that is more A PART OF ME and A Part of WHO I AM.

Going to end tonights blog with a bit of word deconstruction

Pro Gression














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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Prying into my Priorities – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 792
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-792/

In this blog I am going to begin opening up the word of ‘Postponement’ as a way to support myself to start seeing how and where I am accepting and allowing myself to Live this word of Postponement in my life and myself.

I do see that this is a word that I do accept and allow myself to participate in and exist as at the moment within my life.

I see this word existing in different areas of my life.

My work, where I put off projects I am working on and think “I don’t have time”

My normal household duties where I allow a resistance towards doing them influence my decision of when I will do them, where I will put them off until after and sometimes to the last minute where then finally I have no choice but to do them. That is a common point with postponement where I will put things off until the last minute where I will experience a resistance or negative energy towards doing things and so then instead of being Self Directive, I will allow myself to be moved and directed by that energy where until I will for instance have piles of laundry that need to get done because I didn’t Direct myself to keep up a flow with doing things regularly. This process of allowing myself to be directed by ENERGY or RESISTANCE towards tasks is what I am seeing as one of the primary reasons for Postponement.

I also find that there is a pattern to my postponement where I will go through ebbs and flows where I will be more directive when things are going well and I am supporting myself and more ‘on top of things’ but then I will start stumbling a bit and kind of getting sucked into energy or emotional experiences where then I allow myself to be directed by my resistance towards doing things and then I start avoiding my daily responsibilities. Ultimately, all this is nothing new. And the Solution is nothing new either. And so then my question is, why then is it existing?

In a way I see that I postpone very important things in my life. Like for instance me pushing through ‘problem patterns’ and changing particular behaviors that I see I am in fact limiting myself through.

So I am seeing here that it is necessary to work with postponement on both an inner as well as outer level. So what does this mean and How can I go about doing this.

Well I am going to do a test run of this where I Deliberately practice stopping my postponement of things in both my inner and outer reality and so here I can utilize Writing and Self Forgiveness to Support in Clearing my INNER SELF so that I am not postponing any inner points that I see are bothering me or occupying me on the within.

And actually this is where I am going to focus initially with Living the correction in relation to the Word Postponement where I actually end up Postponing my SELF SUPPORT. So I can begin with changing this through taking the time each day or each week to really be with myself and work through points in Writing and Self Forgiveness that is HERE and coming up within me. Like for instance establishing a routine where I do some daily writing or more active self support and this even means identifying and working with those RESISTANCES that I see existing in relation to outer tasks and responsibilities as well.

So the Correction Word to Live here I see is the word PRIORITIZING! Because man that is something I really don’t like doing because if I really do that, I can not longer shift those really important things that I am totally resisting down to the bottom of my list. So to LIVE the word PRIORITIZING is to actually WORK on those High Priority Points instead of allowing myself to shift them down the list. And so I can actually LIVE this word PRIORITIZING by directing myself to begin PRYING open those tasks that I resist doing by making sure to keep them at the TOP of my List if they are a Priority and directing myself to even do a some work on them instead of avoiding them all together whcih I see I have done with many things where I will just resist them completely and not even give myself a chance to Get in there.

Okay so will test this and see how it goes. PRYING into my Priorities.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Staying the Course to Completion – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 793
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-793/

Today my overall presence of myself was “Okay” Today was my ‘Monday’ as the first day of the work week and I split my time between carving and painting. I had a busy weekend with some responsibilities to take care of and I did direct those responsibilities and so it did “lift some weight off my shoulders”

Sometimes I have noticed when facing certain responsibilities that I will kind of build everything up into a kind of pressure bubble, and then afterwards its like the bubble pops and I go into the opposite polarity experience, so if things are busy, then I will go into a lull of sorts and I find for this weekend in facing a ‘busy weekend’ that I wanted to practice just walking through the points without polarizing the whole thing which for me often leads to unsupportive habits/patterns. So what Id like to work on is actually walking through points, sorting them out, directing them, processing them, and being Constant within this. And within this Breathing and just continuing to DIRECT the point and all the dimensions involved until its DIRECTED AND CLEAR. Sometimes I will get half way through points and crash. Or sometimes I will get half way through a day, or a week, and then crash.

So this application and process of being more ‘even’ if something that I at times struggle with. Especially with “busy days” when I have ‘more than usual’ responsibilities. So in the past I have lived out this polarity point where things become pressurized and I just try to get through it to the otherside where then I go into extreme relaxation mode, which I see actually isn’t even enjoyable and is more just an energy playout.

So the correction for this point is to focus rather on just taking it one day at a time and moving myself to embrace the tasks, events, and responsibilities of my day rather than fight with them. So within this, I can see I can support myself by not “looking at the other side” which I often do where I will project and imagine into the future when “I will be free” and have “spare time” and then I will end up focusing on that instead of just walking day by day and moment by moment and utilizing my time effectively and seeing tasks, projects, and responsibilities through into completion.

I often look at how I can take on more in my reality and have struggled with this. I often desire free-time where I can relax and just enjoy myself and there are times where I try and seek out free time but I can see how this is more of me just wanting to escape my reality and my responsibilities.

So in my last blog – https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-792/ I wrote about living the word ‘prioritizing’.

This what I am writing about today applies to this word ‘prioritizing’ as well because here I am looking at ways and creating ways to Face and Direct my Responsibilities of my life more FULLY and DIRECTIVE through into Completion, so Here I am I reminding myself also again of the commitment I made to Live this word “Prioritizing” where not only am I creating a more structured order of what needs to be done, but the KEY is I am actually doing it!

When I end up in a polarizing experience of being really busy and then going into extreme relax mode, I just Stop Everything, So here I see what Id like to develop and create is a way to just be more Consistent and Directive and ACTIVE within my day because that “extreme relaxation” is really not a supportive experience and also not actually relaxing either. So I do have to practice being “Active” and Engaged more fully with my day where I am Here, Clear, and Present through an ENTIRE day instead of sneaking off into or indulging in my mind or some experience. Can I make it through an entire Month without crashing? How about a week? “How about a day? So this point of consistency is really the word for todays blog as a way to apply myself instead of going into “extreme relax mode” or that point of where I don’t walk my responsibilities or my day or week through into completion but just only go half way and then give up.

Correction Words To Live

Prioritizing – Even – Engaging – Embracing – Constant – Completion – Patience – Pace

Okay so I have pulled out a few words in this blog but the ones that ring the truest for tonight is the words CONSTANT, COMPLETION, as well as the word PATIENCE as words I can Develop in my Living to support me in developing my effectiveness at being Directive each day and walking all the points in my life through into completion instead of just giving up half way and retreating into my mind or experiences or comfort zones. Patience and Constancy.

Okay going to leave it here for tonight.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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From FIGHTING to EMBRACING our WORLD SYSTEM (A Decade with Desteni)- An Artists Journey To Life: Day 794
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-794/

In this blog I am going to share one of the major points that has impacted and shaped my life that has come from and within Walking the Desteni Process.

I first found Desteni 10 years ago when the website first came online, so I have been walking the Desteni Process for 10 years.

One of the most impactful points that walking this process has had on me has to do with EMBRACING THE SYSTEM instead of fighting or rebelling against it.

What does this mean?

Before Desteni I very much saw money as the root of all evil and I hated everything to do with Responsibility when it came to functioning and living in the world system. I believed that this was all just a waste of my time and I told myself that I don’t want to spend my life filling out paper work. I never paid my taxes on time, my student loans were overdue with numerous late payments, I had never had a 9 to 5 type job, only seasonal work and odd jobs. I just didn’t care about ‘that stuff’ I overall resisted the system and how it functioned and I essentially was trying to escape, run and hide from it. I wanted to be an Artist and I wanted to be free from what I perceived to be the restrictions of our corporate world that in my eyes was sucking the life and creativity out of the human being.

As a result of my approach and beliefs, I was living on the fringes of this world, making just enough money to get by.

Then I began walking my process with Desteni and Everything Changed.

I was introduced to a new way of looking at the world and through the years I have continued to expand my understanding of how things work and how to approach this world in a way that is more Practical and Supportive. Not just for me, but for ALL!

And so now instead of rebelling against, ignoring and fighting against the world system, I rather EMBRACE it! Get to know it, understand it, become effective within it and from this vantage point, I can have a VOICE, and I can work to change it. This also becomes more possible when ones life is STABLE and FUNCTIONAL within this world, instead of where one is totally on the fringes struggling for survival in which case it makes it much more difficult to have any kind of voice what so ever.

What I have come to understand through walking the Desteni Process these last 10 years is that This World, THIS SYSTEM, IS ME! Everything that is HERE is LIFE, and so it makes no sense to JUDGE any part of it. The outer world System is simply a reflection of the inner world system, and so to judge it is to judge a part of myself, and so rather my approach is to embrace it, get to know it, understand it, correct it where it requires correction. Working WITH the System is the Same as working WITH Myself.

I have come to realize that when I face personal challenges in my life, that I make things more difficult when I react, when I fight, when I JUDGE Myself instead of moving into a point of SELF FORGIVENESS and rather than fighting against myself through judging myself, I rather EMBRACE myself, Embrace the parts of myself that are not yet what I would like them to be. Don’t fight with them, Embrace them, practice understanding them in detail so that I can learn how to change. And so the same goes for the world system. Yes it may not be ideal, but if we shun it, and dismiss it, its like we are counting ourselves out of it and so have absolutely no power what so ever.

And so a shift occurred within me and within my life.

I made a decision within myself which was to EMBRACE this world system Completely and Absolutely. Embrace the laws, rules, regulations, codes ect and work WITH them in a way to support me in my life so that I am as a starting point, EMPOWERED within this system of codes and rules.

Embracing the system does not mean accepting it how it is and just ‘making due’ Nope. It means Embracing it so that I can function effectively within it and then from within this starting point work to change it. If I completely disengage, then I have no power to do anything about all the injustices that are cause through it. Not to mention I completely disempower Myself in my practical daily life to live to support myself and those around me which is also necessary and valuable.

For the past 4 years I have been creating a Fine Art Business. I have had to learn how to file and pay all the different levels of taxes. I have a business number. I pay all my bills on time, I am in essence, getting to know and understand this whole process of what it means to integrate into this system as an individual and as a business. It has been quite a process because I never considered this my strong suit and still to this day it is something that I still have to push myself to develop and learn to do.

I just finished filing my taxes recently and learning about a completely new layer of taxes – Sounds exciting doesn’t it! Lol.

To me, learning to EMBRACE the System through the process that I have walked with Desteni has had a massive impact on my life.

It has been a complete shift for me from Fighting This World to Embracing This World and how it is currently functioning and then to become Effective within this.

I am definitely still learning and developing this point for myself but I am on my way. And if I had not been introduced to this way of looking at and living in this world through walking the Desteni Process, who knows where I’d be right now. I was so determined to tell this world to Fuck Off. I was in total conflict with it, Not realizing how it was and is essentially just an extension or externalization of Myself and so really nothing to judge or fight with at all.

This process of realizing that everything that is HERE is ME, including the world system, has also supported me in embracing the differences of others as well which has in turn allowed me to develop relationships in my personal and business life that perhaps would have been very difficult to forge if I was thinking that I didn’t want to work with someone because they had different beliefs as me.

Now I am much more willing to engage with People of ALL different beliefs and simply work to find common ground and support each other from here.

So I am truly grateful for the process I have walked so far with Desteni and I look forward to continuing to walk this process to see what we can create in this world and see what kind of impact all of us walking the desteni process can have on this world to support ourselves and all here to reach our utmost potentials.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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How To Stop Throwing My Stuff in a Pile – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 795
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-795/

Orderly : Neatly and Methodically Arranged

Tonight I asked my partner to in a moment come up with a word that she sees as something that I would benefit from if I were to live and integrate such a word into my life. After some negotiating for her participation she arrived at the word ‘ORDERLY’.

I actually wish I was more orderly. More “neatly and methodically arranged” which I have been working on somewhat lately but it is something that is definitely not at the top of my awareness.

In fact I would more describe myself as






Fly by the seat of my pants

So I am going to continue in this blog with some Self Forgiveness to further open up this relationship I have to the word Orderly/Disorderly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘orderly’ as ‘just not my style’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go through bouts of orderliness but then always fall back into disorderliness where I just can’t seem to “stay on top of things” and process my tasks and my life to keep things orderly and maintained and methodically arranged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at my desk and think “what a mess” and within speaking this statement experience a form of helplessness within myself where I “wonder how things got this way” where I can no longer keep my desk and working spaces orderly and methodically arranged and in this feel disempowered to be able to do anything about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus my orderliness onto only a few points in my life like in my artwork but not extend that orderliness to anything outside of that artwork.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I simply cannot be orderly that “its just not me” despite a point within me where I would like to be this way and understand how this would benefit me in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to often feel so “behind the eight ball” that I just can’t catch up to my life and so just feel rushed and within this never take the time to establish systems as expressions of myself to support myself to be more organized and orderly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to often experience anxiousness in relation to my life where I feel like things are moving to fast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to put the time in to order myself and my life where I see that this for instance doesn’t even mean I have to put in a lot of time but where I rather take that extra moment or moments through my day to properly direct points into orderliness instead of for instance just getting home throwing everything in a pile and then “doing what I want to do”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to often experience an annoyance towards Directing myself to be more orderly and organized.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the decision to exist within anxiousness where I will just arrive home and throw my things in a heap because I just want to get to relaxing instead of directing myself and my life into orderliness which I see would have a more beneficial consequence on myself and my life. So here I see I would actually have to Create a NEW Habit in my Life and so to do this Let go of an old habit which means transferring time out of an old habit into the new habit of Living the Word Orderly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not LIVE Orderliness within myself. Something that I have actually wanted to create and express in my life but have accepted and allowed myself to live by emotions and desires to “just relax” instead of Directing Myself in Principle to Create my life into its utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Live in Anxiousness and allow this anxiousness to direct me to just rush through my day to day living instead of directing myself to create more orderliness in myself and life through slowing myself down and doing what I know is actually best for me which is to spend that extra time creating more orderliness in my life which I see I can do by taking points in my life “A little further” where its not even a matter of doing a lot more but just taking that extra bit of time which I refuse to give to myself, to do something that would be beneficial for me and within this actually creating a new behavior and pattern of Support to replace my pattern of hoarding any ounce of time I have for “What I want to do” or to just indulge in mind/old patterns that are of no benefit of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist creating orderliness within my life because that means I will have to give up “spare time” and basically instead of just wasting that time, actually utilize myself as that time and put it/myself to good use.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize, and understand that those “spare moments” that I am trying to save by just dumping all my stuff in a pile instead of organizing and directing it, is time that I am actually just wanting to use to support me to remain in limitations and preprogramming as my preprogrammed comfort zones that I have created for myself which take absolutely Zero Effort to exist within and so instead of me Moving and Creating myself and my life in each moment and in this case Create Myself as and LIVE something that I actually see would be cool to live such as ORDERLY, I rather forgo self creation for self indulgence where id rather use that time for ‘relaxing’, and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to introduce a new life pattern and expression within and as Living the word ORDERLY which I can begin doing in these moments that I have identified here in this blog where I see that all I would have to do is take a bit of extra time or time out of self indulgence or old habits which do not support me where I am really not being productive anyways and shift this time into Living and Developing this new habit Skill and Expression of Orderliness.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Moving An Inch into a New Pattern – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 796
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-796/

Today I was sitting at my desk writing about a point from my day. As I wrote out the details of this point, I noticed that my experience in relation to the point was actually intensifying. A moment then happened where I thought about stopping the writing and just jumping over to entertainment or checking my facebook as a point to just settle down a bit. Here however I observed that if I were to do that, that I wouldn’t actually be resolving anything but rather just distracting myself from my inner experience which I realize and understand is not a Solution and would rather just keep the point cycling around within myself.

So I thought this was a cool moment to write about because it revealed this aspect of myself how I keep myself actually trapped within my mind, within my emotional reactions by distracting and essentially supressing my experience by diverting my attention into media entertainment.

So in this moment I saw this distraction design and so instead I just remained within what I was doing which was writing, and opening up the point and overall, just remaining HERE with and as my experience instead of wanting to and trying to run from it, hide from it, distract myself from it.

Within listening to the many interviews on the Eqafe website I have encountered this explanation about how energy functions where when you focus on energy it will actually for a moment intensify as one intensifies ones focus upon which was what I was doing tonight as I decided to sit down and write about this point/event that happened during the day and in this exploring and investigating the emotions and energies that was coming up within me in relation to this event.

And so when that energy started intensifying and I started feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, this awareness came up within me of this point of how “energy intensifies if you focus on it” that I have herd explained in different Eqafe Interviews and so I rather decided to remain HERE and continue writing and rather move myself to direct myself and the energy instead of immediately trying to distract myself from it.

Now, things didn’t come to a nice and tidy resolution but I do see how I can continue to support myself this way within my life and process where I essentially learn and develop the ability to face what is going on within me instead of wanting to distract myself from it. And so instead of distracting myself from it, I can Face it and learn more about it and how it moves within me. Which is the process of me learning about me.

So I thought I would share this small moment from today where I a simply decided to change my usual pattern of distraction and rather allow an experience to be here within me as a point of learning more about it and learning to direct it and myself into a point of Resolution…or at least give myself the option to do this which I immediately close off when I channel my attention into entertainment when ever I am overwhelmed with a reaction or inner experience.

So it was a small moment, just an inch forward into a New, more supportive pattern/action, but that is better than nothing.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Starting Small – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 798
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-798/

Okay so seeing as how this is the last day of the month, I am going to do a bit of a review of how things have been going with me in my process of Self Change From Awareness to Actual Change this past month. Well a couple things I have started doing is I began a 30 day Yoga challenge as well as also doing a 30 Days “Nail Care” Challenge which for me is a ‘biggie’ because I have been chewing my nails extensively since as far back as I can remember, so basically this means ‘no chewing my nails’.

I decided to walk these challenges as a point of supporting myself to change my daily routine and daily habits into something where I am getting more out of myself and my life. My approach here is to work with some ‘smaller points’ and build some consistency, trust, and confidence with these points to support me in taking on the larger points.

What has happened with me is that I have been working with larger issues throughout my process that I see as “failures” or where there is a lot more emotional and reactive points involved in these ‘larger issues’ and so from a certain perspective I have kind of destroyed my confidence by attempting to take on these larger points within myself with little to no change and so walking these 2 challenges is a way to ‘start small’ and work with some points that I am more confident with, that don’t have as many emotional or reactive layers so that I can develop some Trust and have some Success with walking and following through on points of Self Change.

The process of stopping chewing my nails is an interesting one because it is very much an energetic pattern that I have developed through the years where the chewing of the nails is a form of anxiety ‘release’ where I just kind of channel my experience into chewing my nails. So Recently I have been disrupting and changing this daily habit by no more accepting and allowing myself to chew my nails. I find I go to chew my nails between 10 to 15 times a day, so with this 30 day nail care challenge that gives me 10 to 15 moments throughout each day where I with awareness make a decision to change a particular bad habit and transform it into a moment where I simply allow my nails to GROW and here also Allow Myself to Simply BE HERE without going into the anxiety experience within chewing my nails. So here I am practicing stopping myself from habitually going into an energetic experience which I am used to doing multiple times every day.

The Second Challenge is the Yoga Challenge. I do this once a day for 10 to 15 min. I have a habit of when I get home from work to sit on the couch where I have my computer and will at times end up spending more time there then is actually supportive and so with the Yoga it is a time usually during my evening where I am “GETTING PHYSICAL” because when I get home and want to relax after work that there is a tendency to allow myself to kind of sink into my mind a bit and so the Yoga practice has been a point of doing something Physical and spending that time with my Physical Body. So the Yoga Challenge is a point of Developing a Relationship to my physical body in a new way.

So far I am grateful I have endeavored to walk both of these challenges and I can see how even these new points in my day, even though they are small, are actually Real Moments where I am disrupting and changing a pattern and so Changing Myself which is quite cool. I am only about half way through each Challenge so will continue with these and monitor the feedback in terms of if these changes are making any difference in my ability to actually deal with more substantial points in my life which from a certain perspective I can see how they would, though I still must walk these processes more completely to really test this point.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

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Grounding Excitement In Daily Application – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 798
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-798/

I recently had a meeting about a new business venture with my art that has been opening up the last couple weeks. So in this blog I am going to look at this dimension that I saw coming up within me in relation to this new point opening up. The dimension I noticed is that I saw this point within me of wanting this new venture, this new opportunity to be a kind of SAVIOR where I noticed lots of excitement coming up within me and so when I started looking at this experience of excitement more closely I noticed how it was connected to this idea and projection of “things changing” and within me where Id go into fantasies and hope of “everything changing for the better”

Now on the one hand, this opportunity could provide a platform for new changes in my life, however, I have also realized here that it is important to stay grounded and to support myself through bringing things back to Self.

So essentially, with all this excitement coming up, I looked at how I could stabilize myself and settle things down, and this is when I began to see this ‘Saviour’ point within me where I’d hope that this new point changes everything and changes my life. So in bringing this point back to myself, what I see, and realize is that no one is ever going to save me, and that ultimately I am the one who is always responsible for myself and my life, and so, I don’t actually require a Saviour, because I have ME and how I walk day by day.

So this was a cool point of Self Grounding to just re-focus my attention back HERE and back to Myself. This is important I see because this is where I am. I am HERE, in my life and so the BASICS still apply day to day, moment to moment.

I realize that I must embrace who I am right now and what my life is like right now and work with this ME and this Life PRACTICALLY and Support myself from HERE into a point of creating it into what I would like it to be through the daily support and application I walk for myself and my life and so thus to stop participating in the Desire for “The Game Changer” as in some external point that is going to come along and “Change Everything” which Is a form of hope I then would be participating with instead of just continuing to focus on what I am realizing more and more is the crux of my process which is WHO I AM IN EVERY MOMENT and how I am Walking Self Support and Self Creation in my moment to moment Life.

Okay so just sharing a bit here about this Savior Point that I noticed still existing within me as a hope, want, and expectation of some big event or person to enter into my life that changes everything instead of me just focusing on Me and walking the steps of daily support and creating myself and my life moment by moment, step by step and being willing to WALK THE PROCESS in real time and let go of that idea where I actually SKIP moments or ‘Jump Ahead’ through some magical game changing event that takes place.

I realize my best approach is to Walk Here, step by step, focusing on Who I AM now and what my life is like now, and walking the step by step actions of self change and self creation moment by moment, brick by brick.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Post by Andrew »

Consequence of Forcing My Pace – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 799
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-799/

So for the past week I have been noticing my shoulder being sore and tense and doing a bit of grinding when I move it in a particular way. My job can be quite physically demanding at time and no doubt puts stress on that shoulder on account of the ‘grinding’ I do each day where I am literally grinding away stone in creating stone sculptures. Its interesting how Art is often seen as a finished product and what is not seen is the actual process of creating it where in this case in creating stone sculptures, it is quite a physically demanding task and if one is not careful, they could end up causing damage to their physical body. Art easily becomes romanticized and the reality of it sometimes is not considered.

So this shoulder point can also serve as a reminder for me to not FORCE myself while I am at work, but rather to focus on carving/moving in a natural way.

I sometimes will end up forcing myself to try and move faster at work, and also in my life overall. And then what ends up happening is you end up injuring yourself. Well, not necessarily every time but in my case, I can see how my “pace” this last month with creating stone carvings was a bit more ‘driven’ then usual, which I see may have contributed to the soreness/injury. Where there was a kind of anxiety within me of feeling like I needed to get everything done quickly.

I find one reason I go into this Forcing Pace is because of FEAR. Where I am trying to make up for lost time or often where I am driven by a Fear of Running out of money, which I see is a point that I have faced on many occasions these past 4 years since the point of creating an art business began to take shape and become a reality.

Recently a new opportunity opened up where I suddenly experience more of a pressure to ‘create more art faster’. So this is also another dimension of this point where I go to quickly and start forcing myself within my expression and application. This dimension is the dimension of impatience, where, its like I have a few projects on my plate and I just want to get them all done asap where there is a kind of anxiety around the process of completing the work. And so in this case with the new opportunity I can see an eagerness to get the art done that is requested, yet here also I do see FEAR, a fear of the opportunity not working out and so I just want to get everything done as quick as I can as a point of Trying to make sure everything works out but doing this out of impatience and fear that “things just won’t turn out”

So my Shoulder is now forcing me to slow down and to be patient – Lol which is funny because now I am my own Patient, supporting myself in the healing process of this shoulder injury.

Here’s an interesting question. What happens if I just Slow Down, and stop rushing and just sloooow myself right down in my Self Creation and Business Creation Process? Would things fall apart? Would I run out of money? Or would things remain Stable?

So here this blog is a point of bringing into my awareness this tendency I have to allow myself to be driven by anxiety, and the consequences that this can have on my life and my physical body also.

And so to assist and support myself to breathe and let that anxiety go if I see it coming up, and to practice moving and directing myself at a Natural Supportive Pace, knowing and understanding that eventually things will get done through consistent application. And establishing this point of moving at a natural pace within my Business and Life and Self Creation Process.

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Re: Andrew's Journey To Life

Post by Andrew »

Living PATIENCE on a Personal Level – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 800
https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpres ... e-day-800/

In my previous two blogs I have noticed the word/point of ‘Patience’ being an underlying theme, and so I am going to take a moment here to redefine and specify this word for myself so as to support myself to become more effective, stable, and consistent within Living this word until it becomes a natural expression and part of myself that is naturally who I am because at the moment I am still more existing in impatience when facing certain points/situations in my life.

I spoke in my previous blog about a new opportunity that opened up and how I was just at the beginning stages of this point and still have a long road ahead to cultivate and shape this point into the potentials possible within it. And I have noticed that I experience this drive to just get things moving and I feel like I am ‘trying to make up for lost time’ or ‘am behind’ or ‘Cannot Move Fast Enough’. That is a key point there of feeling like “I can’t move fast enough” and that things just move so slow, yet, I do have the awareness within me that there is no way around it and I see this point of “what would it be like if I was just more Patient?” like, is it possible to be Content with myself, and my life during this ‘building up’ process.

With anything you build or create, it takes TIME.

Now as I am writing about this, I am seeing this point that actually came up a few days ago as well when I was opening this stuff up. It is a Fear of things not working out, where I have this program of expecting the worst or expecting things to not work out and so I just want to have everything finished already so ‘I know what happens’. Its like I can’t stand Not Knowing. And I see that this not being able to stand not knowing is connected with an expectation of things not working out and an expectation or idea of things just turning out as they normally do where there is really nothing new and surely nothing BIG will happen. And so here within fearing or expecting things to not work out, I become anxious, and I become impatient because I just want to get everything done and in place and then have things work out so I can show myself that things DO work out. But overall, this idea/expectation of ‘things never working out’ I can see is influencing me where I become anxious and impatient and just desperate to know how things will work out.

Its kind of like that whole point of Job Security where people like having job security so that they know they will have money flowing in and that they can pay their bills and plan their lives within the system because there is a expectation of how things will go.

And to a certain degree I can see how this impatience and anxiousness I experience in relation to not knowing if or how this new opportunity will work out is in fact here also connected to MONEY and so Life in the World/Money System where essentially ones very survival is connected to money.

We live in a system of uncertainty. So how does one create certainty in such an environment?

For me in opening up this point for myself.

I can see what I can work with is that expectation I have that “things never or won’t work out”

And then secondly also looking at the whole relationship to money and how that is actually influencing here where I become more ‘desperate’ so to speak to want and desire things to work out where there is an underlying unbearableness in ‘not knowing’ and additionally thinking that there is a good chance things won’t work out.

Okay so I can see a few more points here to open up for myself and explore in relation to this point of assisting and supporting myself in Living the word ‘Patience’ as opposed to living in Impatience and Anxiousness in relation to the flow of my life.

Because obviously there is a link here to my childhood, teenage, and even in my 20’s where I imprinted many ideas around money based on how my life went.

And then importantly also, Id like to open up more the point of how ‘Money isn’t everything’ and how I have accepted and allowed myself to get side tacked by thinking/believing that if I succeed in a monetary way then ‘everything will be okay’ and in this forgetting about the most important relationship point which is the relationship I have with and as MYSELF and WHO I AM within myself. So here I see that at times I tend to focus to much on the monetary/external successes and failures and actually forget to pay attention, and develop ME on a personal internal level so that my INNER Self is being developed and is growing and strengthening and actually Developing my INNER SELF into someone of Substance. I mean this SELF DEVELOPMENT Point I see as absolutely crucial and actually the Main Point where I always START WITH SELF and so here I wonder… if am developing my SELF Relationship effectively, would I worry so much about these business opportunities working out or not where there is like a kind of fixation on these points where perhaps if I was more HERE and more Substantiated in my Self Relationship, perhaps there wouldn’t be such a point of desperation and anxiety in relation to my external world points, like business and monetary ventures.

So then what does Patience mean on a very personal self level and living this word on a personal self level?

How does one Live and Exist in such a way that they are Stable within themselves on a personal level to the degree where it actually doesn’t matter if these external goals turn out or not but either way and throughout the process of their endeavors they are simply Calm, and have the utmost personal Stability.

Okay will end here for tonight.

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