Josh's Journey to Life

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josh
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Re: Josh's Journey to Life

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Day 356 – You’re full of shit character

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this blog, the jprocessr.blogspot.com, is open for public consumption now and no longer private.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

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text to day 356:

Day 356 – You’re full of shit character

I’m looking at my reactions to other’s words where I become overwhelmed with the desire / urge to lash-out, get revenge, put them in their place, set them straight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with an overwhelming energy to others words – wherein I become overwhelmed with self-righteousness to a point wherein I believe / participate in the belief that I cannot “hold back” and then lash out with my words to the being that I am projecting blame at for speaking such words in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when another being speaks or writes words that are in conflict with realizations that I have already had / made, to have this trigger the ‘you’re full of shit character’ within and as my mind – where I start back-chatting about how full of shit this being is, within the words they are using, with back-chats like “what the fuck is he/she talking about?”, “doesn’t he /she know better?” Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back-chat myself into a energetic frenzy, where I completely loose touch with who I am as the physical, here, and become merged with my mind in an energetic frenzy lost in thoughts and emotional energies of blame and self-righteousness – wherein I then step into the belief that it is my right and duty to set this person straight.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can “set someone straight.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame at others for being full of shit, when in fact it is I who am full of shit within the point that I am not standing in all ways absolute within my walk to equality and thus when someone displays their bullshit, they become targets for me to project my blame and anger towards when in-fact I am angry at myself and the one to blame for being “full of shit”
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I were standing in absolute radical self-honesty where I am here in every breathe, aligned within and as the physical as who I am am – walking within and as equality with all as me – then I would not be moved, within thought, word, or deed, by another’s words no matter what they say. Within this point of reference, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to look at my reactions to other’s words as a point of self-reference, in real time / in the moment of reaction, wherein I look at myself and ask ‘why am I reacting?” ‘What does this being represent to me?” “What does this being’s words represent to me?” as a way to defuse the reactions, and thus look at myself as to why another beings words have triggered reactions within and as me within the point of what are merely reflecting back to me the truth of myself that I need to look at and transcend– instead of projecting my own mind onto them thus fueling and charging more reactions and separation.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everyone stands as a specific point of the total mind consciousness system and that certain beings, that I react to most, are standing as points, within and as my own mind that I need to transcend myself – and thus those who trigger reactions, within and as me, are gifts – gifts who are reflecting the truth of me back to me so that I can stand and change. Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand up within this realization and stop my reactions in their tracks through standing as radical breath, in the moment, and then look at myself and start investigating myself as to why I am reacting in the first place and what those reactions are covering up within and as myself that I need to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into the belief and justification that “when and as I hear another’s words that sound out of sink / out of touch with reality as I have come to realize reality – that it is my duty to set them straight” – and thus within this act with the self-righteousness character wherein I go into a superiority energy fueled and charged by the polarity of seeing the information and knowledge that I have as ‘right’ and the information and knowledge that I am perceiving the other being as holding as ‘wrong’. Within this self-righteousness character – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become mind possessed with an argumentative character wherein I force my points upon another within the belief, justification, and delusion that it is for their own good and for the good of all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a point of superiority within my self appointed position of “setting people straight from their bullshit”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am my own backchat – wherein pre-programmed back-chat activates based on various triggers and then starts coming up seemingly naturally in my mind as a voice in my head- that I automatically identify with – as if it is me. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in my mind, in separation from the physical, due to the fact that I accept my back-chat as who I am – and then within the point of being lost in my own pre-programmed back-chat, as if it is me, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then become mind-possessed with emotional energies of blame, anger, frustration, and self-righteousness to the extent that it actually activates personalities and changes my behavior and takes me over completely wherein I am lost in the energies of my mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to apply myself within radical self honesty and radical breath – where – through my past self-forgiveness wherein I have created a self awareness within and as me – I use this self awareness to apply radical breath and radical self honesty – in the moment that this back-chat comes up – where in I say ‘NO! This is not me! I am here. I am breath! I am physical! I stop!.” And then apply myself to stop the backchat right when it comes up and stand and breathe and thus pre-empt any form of a mind-possession.
I forgive myself that I have ignored the realization that everyone that is here, on this planet, is a mirror of me / my mind / who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and thus everyone that is here is here to show me the truth of myself and thus within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with any form of blame, anger, resentment, self-righteousness, or superiority towards others for any reason whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the believe and stand that “I not be tolerant of other people’s bullshit”, which then leads to the consequence that when and as I hear words of others that are not adding up within basic math, 1+1=2, that this triggers backchats to come up regarding their mathematical errors that I identify with of which then triggers the “your full of shit character” within and as me wherein I react with backchats about how full of shit they are and then this triggers emotional energies of superiority, self-righteousness, blame, and anger – wherein I become mind possessed with the self-appointed purpose of setting them straight and bring justice to “truth and what is right”. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then justify acting out within the point that I ‘cannot let them get away with what they are saying or the position that they represent” – Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what I am really doing is letting myself get away with my bullshit and then projecting this onto other’s.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I have to set someone straight and otherwise I am letting them get away with their bullshit” – Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an become the ‘police man of bullshit’ character, lol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the positive polarity of superiority and self-righteousness when and as I hear words of others that do not appear to be adding correctly within 1+1=2.
More to come……………..

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

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http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... right.html

Day 357 – The Defender of What is “Right” Character

Continued from day 356

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to defend what is right / the truth / what is real and within this justify acting out and speaking within reactions towards others who have offended the faith of what is right / true / real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that there is no ‘right / wrong’ and there is no truth other than what is physically here and physically verifiable as being here – and thus within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what is real does not have to be defended because it is here regardless and thus what is real only needs to be realized and lived.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within believing that I have to defend what is right, go into a superiority character where I have polarized myself as the positive / superior defender of the faith vs. the negative / inferior wrong minded infidel – and then feed off of this superiority energy while I am in defense mode.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow any words or actions of others that contradict what I have learned or realized as true and real, to then trigger reactions within and as me of backchat about how fucked up they are of which can sometimes completely mind possess me and separate me from here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I am being personally attacked when and as someone speaks or moves in ways that I perceive as dishonest or mathematically incorrect within and as common sense.
When and as I see myself stepping into this ‘defender of what is right character / you’re full of shit character’, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow to go into this energy / for this character to exist within and as me because I see, realize, and understand that it is complete bullshit, that there is nothing to defend because what is real is here regardless of whether I defend it or not, and also that I am just using this point to create a self-righteous / superiority character which is even more bullshit. I see, realize, and understand that my initial reaction of feeling attacked is not real and that my subsequent reaction of going into the defender of the faith / your full of shit character is only serving to create positive experiences of self-righteousness and superiority. Thus, I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to go into this backchat when and as it comes up, by reminding myself to slow down and breathe and delete this backchat / not participate in it, and that I am here and what is real is here and nothing needs to be defended. I commit myself to instead turn the fingers at myself and start asking myself questions like “why am I offended?” Why am I so upset here?” “What am I doing / living that this being is reflecting back towards me?” – I commit myself to ask these questions for two reasons: 1: to diffuse the energy and backchats that are coming up as reactions and 2: to use these points as opportunities for self-change and self-expansion as the physical in awareness and as the breath. I commit myself to move my hands, grab something and feel it, tap my fingers, tap my feet, focus on the 4 count breath – all of these or just one, so long as it is supportive in grounding the energy / reactions that I am having towards the other being, until I am clear. I commit myself to not speak to the being, except minor common courtesies, until I am clear and stable and thus to only speak form a starting point of physical stability so that I can be the most supportive to life as possible.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

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http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... dated.html

Day 358 – The Need to be Validated

I have a need to have the things that I say validated. When I speak or write something to a group or individual, oftentimes, I go into a waiting mode to hear words of validation. If I do not hear those words, I become disappointed. I then begin to project judgments of what imagining what others are thinking about what I have said as if they are judging me to be wrong, or stupid, or fucked up in some way. When I hear words of validation, then I become relieved and somewhat excited.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the need to be validated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to be validated in order to feel good and secure about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project that when I am not validated that that means that others are judging me as ‘dumb’, ‘lost’, ‘or out of line in some way.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as lost, dumb, or out of line in some way’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear / connect fear to the point of other’s seeing me as ‘dumb, lost, or out of line in some way.’
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the starting point of this need to be validated is self-judgment and also moving within self-interest – where move myself within self-interest; and then I judge myself and then project those judgments onto others as if they are judging me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disappointment if and when others do not respond at all, or in the way that I picture them / desire them to respond, to what I say and do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in relief and excitement if and when others respond to in the way that I was hoping that they would respond to my words or deeds.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into energy of hope – wherein I hope that others approve of what I say and do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that others see things the way that I do, because within this I am validated within and as myself as, who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that hope is a useless energy wherein through hope I am trying to bend reality to fit the picture perfect future projected from my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not validated, then what I say and do, and who I am is: IN-valid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if and when I am validated / perceive myself to be validated, that this means that I am valid within who I am.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to live the word valid as who I am, but instead have lived this word as an energy experience of feeling relieved that I fit into the group and also excited that others ‘see things’ my way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that so long as I am breathing here as the breath and as the physical where I move myself as the director of me, free of any energies, and say and do what is best for all – of no self interest – that in this I am validated myself as the physical and as life – I am living the word valid as who I am – and thus do not need to experience myself as valid / validated because I am already living this. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all my words and deeds can be reflected upon to see the truth of me and what I am living; and thus it matters not what I say and do – the only thing that matters is that I reflect on what I say and do and then take self-responsibility to change what I am living, that I can see from my words and deeds, to that of what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what others think of me does not reflect who I am – who I am is only based on what I am living in every breath, here – when I live here as the breath, I am equal and one with all as me and when I live as energy, where I live for the experience of things, I am diminished and limited.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the need to be validated shows me that I fear that I cannot change. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the pursuit of self-perfection, which is the pursuit of self change into that what is best for all – means that within this pursuit I empower myself to change any and all points about myself that are not best for all and thus there is nothing to fear because fear only shows me that I am not willing to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the belief that I cannot change and am unable to change, and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the desire to be validated, within and as myself, so that I can feel better about who I am right now through the approval of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret a non-response from others, as “I am not valid what I have said is invalid” when in fact it is simply a non-response and nothing more than that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own negative self- judgments onto others, as if they are judging me when in fact I am judging myself, own words and deeds - when others do not respond at all or in the way that I expected them too.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations as to how people should respond to my words and deeds and then become excited or disappointed based on their actual response either fitting into what I expect or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak within energetic possessions and then feel guilty about it afterwards and then look and hope for some form of validation so that I can feel better about it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take a breath before speaking and moving myself, at all times, to assist myself to slow down and make sure that I am not speaking within energetic possessions and / or personalities and characters – that need to be validated, but that I am speaking here as the breath / as the physical / as the director of me and moving myself within what is best for all and of no self interest. Within this, I forgive myself that when and as I move myself as the physical of no self-interest, that I am validating myself as equal and as life and thus have no need to be validated by others whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create this desire to be validated as a coping mechanism to make myself feel better about who I am as a mind consciousness system wherein I fail to realize that if and when I am standing as the physical and breathing and moving myself within what is best for all, that there is no need for validation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being validate as ‘good’ and not being validate as ‘bad’ and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself when and as I perceive myself to be validated and then bad about myself when and as I perceive myself to not be validated.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the need to be validated shows me that I am not living here as the breath and thus am hoping that my acting within energy will be seen by others as ‘good’ and ‘acceptable’ so that I can gain relief and feel better about my energetic mind possession – because if I were here moving myself within and as the breath in every breath, I would not have any need to be validated because I would be standing as validated already within standing as the physical and moving myself within what is best for all.
When and as I see myself going into the need to be validated, where I have spoken words that I then hope to see some form of validation on, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into the this because I see, realize, and understand that this serves only to make myself feel better about what I am already living as myself. I see, realize, and understand that I validate me when and as I stand as the physical, as the breath, and move within what is best for all of no self-interest. Thus, I commit myself to immediately breathe and stop this need as soon as I see it come up within and as me. From here, I commit myself to examine what I was living that I need to be validated for, within self-honesty, where I look at what I said and done to see if I was clear of any energies, and moving with self-interest or not. From here, I commit myself to apply myself to change those points of self-interest / energy possessions that I was living that I need to be validated for – so that I can validate myself as the physical and thus correct myself to move as the physical, as the breath, and as what is best for all from this point forward. I remind myself that the need to be validated is INVALID, and that one only needs to move in absolute self-honesty in order to validate self. I direct myself to take a moment to breathe in the energies of fear, hope, desire, expectations that come up when the need to be validated comes up into my chest area, thereby disconnecting it from my solar plexus where it originates from, and then breathe these energies back into my physical body, thereby grounding them, until I am clear and stable. I direct myself to slow down, look at what I am living, stop my participation in energy, and thus validate myself by waking what is best for all.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

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http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... found.html

Day 359 – The Desire to say something Profound

Profound:
Verb:
1. Very great or Intense
2. Having or showing great knowledge or insight
Noun:
1. The vast depth of the ocean of the mind.


I have this desire to say something profound. I need to be recognized as saying something profound at times. I get jealous when others say or are recognized saying something profound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within and as myself to say something profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and have a desire within and as myself to be recognized as saying something profound and moving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see others as excited about something that I see as profound as I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed when and as I see that I am not getting the reaction from other to my words that would indicate to me that they recognize that I have said something profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a positive charge onto the word profound wherein I feel good about myself when and as I say something that is profound and have the recognition and attention from others that would indicate to me that they also see that what I have said is profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous / have a reaction of jealously to others who have made statements that are profound and others give them attention for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my value in saying something profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction of feeling inferior to others who have said something profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction of superiority when and as I see myself as having said something profound.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that sound signature of the word profound as PRO Found, like a “pro (fessional) found this cool point!”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a “pro”, when and as I am recognized or receive attention for something that I have said that I believe is “profound”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be recognized as saying something profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store images and pictures within and as myself of past experiences, where beings have said something profound and I reacted with excitement and admiration and thus attached a positive emotional body to the memories of those beings making profound statements as pictures, of which I then created a desire to place myself as those beings who have said something profound because I want to also experience the positive energy, admiration, and superiority experience as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow beings who have made profound statements in the past, stored as memories within my mind / my physical, to represent to me the idea and fulfillment of being important and worthy – wherein, I also create a desire within and as myself to be important and worthy, as a being, by making profound statements, and also feel unimportant and unworthy should I have nothing profound to say or add to a discussion. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through positive an negative energetic cycles in a conversation with others just based upon whether I have anything profound to say or not.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the profound reality that we are all in fact equal as our physicality in that we are all made of dirt, even the animals and plants who have nothing to say at all – Yet, regardless of what we have to say or realize we are all equally profound as the physical in that we are all mini universes within each of our forms where nothing of substance is lacking or greater from one being to another.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when others have profound things to say or add to a conversation, that all I need to do is, one: add the math to see if those words are best for all and can be applied to my own self expansion; and two: consider their statements so that I can expand myself and thus consider their shared realizations as gifts to be grateful for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to generate very intense emotional reactions of awe, admiration, and respect form others, just like I react within and as myself when I hear things profound, by saying things that are profound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to show myself as having great knowledge or insight in order to arouse emotions of admiration and respect from others.
When and as I see myself reacting in jealousy to others who have said things that I have judged as profound based on their words and also the reactions from others / the attention from others, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react in jealousy because I see, realize, and understand that jealousy is a game of self-interest where the root is a feeling of inferiority due to comparison and competition. I do not allow myself to compare myself and compete with others because I see, realize, and understand that this is abusive to all life because it is of energy and supports my existence as an ego. Within that, I see, realize, and understand that I am already here, whole, complete, and completely equal with all other beings and all that is here because we are made of the exact substance and thus no need to compare, compete, and get jealous. I commit myself to breathe, slow down, remind myself that I am here and equal and one and thus clear and stop my participation in this reaction of jealousy.
When and as I see myself going into the desire to say something profound, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept allow myself to participate in this desire because I see, realize, and understand that I need not say anything at all to establish my value as a being, because I am already equal and one, as the physical, no matter if I say anything at all. I commit myself to breathe, delete this backchat, and say to myself “NO! I do not participate in this desire!” I commit myself to clear myself, slow down and align myself within and as my breathing and my body, and then speak only when realizations come up that can contribute the what is best for all of no self interest wherein I am not participating in any desire to arouse others emotions, respect, or any other emotional reaction that would be of self interest – wherein I am just speaking and moving myself here, as the physical in equality with all as me.

Profound, redefined:
Verb
1. Sharing realizations that are grounded in physical reality that can assist in the expansion and self-movement of others and self for the betterment of all as one, here.
Noun
1. The vast depth of anything physical

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

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http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... ading.html

Day 360 – Back chatting is like loading a gun

Have you ever had a reaction to something where you just exploded with anger, or sadness, or happiness even? If so, this is because you back-chatted about this point at sometime in the past. Back-chat, internal conversations, accumulate as memories with charged emotional bodies stored within in your mind in various places in your body ready to be activated as reactions, like a loaded gun.
There was a conversation recently that I was involved in where someone went on a rant, and then I reacted to that rant with a rant of my own. And what did my rant reveal about me? My rant revealed that I had already been back-chatting about that individual, and that the specific point that she brought up acted as a trigger, which activated all the emotional bodies that where attached to the original back-chats that were stored as memories. The emotional bodies are what facilitated the emotional reaction that I had, where I ranted in slight anger, slight resentment, defensiveness, and self-righteousness.
Yes, see, when I originally back-chatted about her, the dialogue that I had in my mind got stored as memories attached with the emotional bodies of slight anger, self-righteousness, defensiveness, and slight resentment. Then when she spoke again in another conversation, the nature of her discourse activated (like a trigger) these memories along with their emotional bodies all in an instant (because I pre-programmed them to do so through back-chatting, lol), and then these energies overwhelmed me wherein wherein I became mind-possessed / mind-controlled until the energy of this finally wore off.
Had I not originally back-chatted about her, I would not have reacted at all. You see? Back chatting is like loading a gun. You will have to release your back-chat bullets at some future point in time and that future point in time will be a similar event that acts like a trigger and that trigger will release those back-chat bullets all at once in an overwhelming energy, just like a gun. So, instead of back-chatting about others, release the back-chat, right there in the moment it comes up, by speaking self-forgiveness in the moment and directed self to align self with the breath; and then also ask yourself questions like: “why is this coming up?” “What does this person or event represent to me that drives me to backchat about it?” etc., in order to transition that back-chat from a projection of self onto others, towards an introspection into self, so that one can stop back-chatting and change self to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that back-chatting is like loading a gun, wherein I am loading my physical with energetically charged memories that will have to be released at some future point in time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I back-chat, I am compromising myself in that I am setting myself up to become mind possessed by energy.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through back-chat, I am pre-programming myself into recurring thought patterns that can eventually evolve into personalities, all of which activate with certain triggers in my environment and social settings. Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself into an emotionally charge robot with patterns of thought and personalities through back chatting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project what I am living within and as myself onto others through backchat. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point that finger towards others thought back-chatting about them instead of looking at myself and asking question to self like “why am I reacting like this?” “What does this person and their position represent to me that I feel compelled to back-chat about?” etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the desire to backchat because it feels good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to backchat because it does not appear to be harming anyone or anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as good or bad, within my mind as back chat. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within making judgments of others as good or bad, that I am setting myself up to be reactive towards them or related triggers where the more reactive that I am shows me that more intense and repetitive my judgments as backchats were.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify back-chatting because “I just have to see where this point leads.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a little backchat is ok.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to my mind as personalities and characters and repetitive patterns through the practice of backchat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat because I believe that I just cannot resist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself onto others through my back chatting about them.
When and as I see myself back-chatting about others, or for any reason at all, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow back-chat because I see, realize, and understand that back-chatting is like loading a gun and also acts to pre-program me into repetitive patters as characters and personalities that will only serve to enslave me to the mind / energy even more. I thus commit myself to immediately breathe in a deep breath to assist myself to clear and delete the backchat when and as I see it come up within and as my mind / as me, and then breath out; and then align myself to within and as the breath and here within my physical body. I commit myself to then question myself diligently as to why I accepted and allowed this backchat to exist within and as me, what it means to me, what it’s doing for me, who I am within it, etc – to see what it is that I am gaining from the backchat energetically, so that I can stop those patterns as well by releasing them. I remind myself that all that is here is a mirror of me, showing the truth of me of which is revealed through my backchat – and thus I am always actually back-chatting about myself. Within this, I commit myself to remind myself that my backchat can be used as platform to turn the fingers towards me to see what I am living as the mind, so that I can release myself from those points and align myself with the physical and live what is best for all.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... anoia.html

Day 361 – All thought is paranoia

All thought is paranoia. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Thus I’ve been really paranoid. I’ve been paranoid about potentially deleterious consequences that could arise from my acting rashly. It’s interesting how this comes up. Like I act rashly, but of course I do not perigee it as rashly at the time. Then, I start mapping out all the potential consequences that could arise from my actions. Then, if those consequences are potentially deleterious, I then start thinking about all the possible solutions non-stop. Yet, I have worked with myself on this point quite a number of times in the past, and I am able to pull myself together quite a bit faster than in the past.
Nonetheless, I’ve been thinking about this point of all thought is paranoia, and that thus the more that I think, the more paranoid I must be. I am paranoid of suffering potential and theoretical loses that I can’t imagine that I can get through. These loses are all-theoretical at this time! LOL. Nothing as of now has actually happened! LOL.
So, I’ve managed to slow myself down and breathe and seek out and find the most effective prophylactic solutions and then direct myself to execute them swiftly and effectively. There are no loopholes in my strategy here. It took me a couple of days to completely work through this; however, even in the midst of this worry outbreak, I was far less mind possessed than I could have been should I have not done any writing or work with myself on this point in the past.
But this episode brought up the point that ‘all thought is paranoia’ to my attention. All though is indeed paranoia. Why would one even have a though if one is completely here, breathing, and self-directing? When one moves within and as the breath, where there are no energies directing self, and directs self to move in the most practical way with no self interest – always moving within what is best for all, and has already spent the time to map out the very best solutions for what one is engaging in – then why even participate in a single thought on the matter unless one is actually paranoid about what might happen otherwise? I ask myself this every time I have a thought “what am I paranoid about?” For instance, if you see someone and you don’t like their outfit and you have the thought “what a crappy outfit!” – ask yourself “what am I paranoid about to have this thought?” You could actually be paranoid about your own outfit and your own superiority / inferiority standing in relation to what you where that you are then projecting onto some innocent by-stander when you judge their outfit as crappy. You see, it may not seem like all thought is paranoia, but when you look at it like I just delineated here, I hope you can see that there is a paranoia root to every single though that you have.
So, ask yourself always when you have a thought “what am I paranoid about!”
I’ve been paranoid, these last couple of days, about loosing everything, about loosing my wife, my kids, my house, my social standing, my reputation – everything. I have these thoughts of paranoia at times when I make foolish decisions and then look back on them. I start thinking incessantly about the potential harm and the potential solutions. So, what am I paranoid about really though? Is it really loosing everything or is more about me not trusting myself to be able to stand in a total lose of everything – as if I will be inferior if I loose everything – as if I will be less than others if I loose everything – as if I will not be able to get what I want to fulfill my self definition if I loose everything – as if I will be seen by others as a looser and as inferior if I loose everything. So, am I paranoid about loosing everything or paranoid about who I would be should I loose everything?
But, more broadly, I see, realize, and understand that I am every single though that I participate in shows me that I am paranoid about something.
I am working to stop the paranoia because I see, realize, and understand that it does not serve any purpose other than to enslave me to energy patterns of the mind.
It’s time to stand and breathe where I stand as self-assurance that I will be who I am regardless of what I win or loose.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... -i-am.html

Day 362 – If I loose everything, I am still here

I hit these bouts of extreme self doubt, then compare and despair, then fear of facing the absolute worst case scenario consequences, then fear of loss, then mind possession in nervousness and worry energy – all in relation to money – because I have not yet to this day established myself as financially successful and am more in the “indigent” status within regards to my financial prowess. I go through cycles of this, triggered by “when times get tough”; like they are right now, and then eventually I come around and stabilize. So, I am going to work on releasing myself from this pattern once again right now with some SF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself connect a fear reaction / react in fear to the thought / idea / perception / possibility of not having enough money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to this fear of not having enough money with comparisons to others who have money and then go into despair and inferiority within and as my mind as a reaction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely mind possessed with imaginations of what would happen to me if I were to not be able to make enough money such as being rejected by my spouse, and living at home with my mom – wherein I fear the point of being seen as inferior and a failure by my spouse and others more than the actual physical consequences of being without money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own worst enemy where I judge myself as inferior, less than, incompetent, and not worth all because I have not been able to attain a point of financial success within and as this monetary system as it is now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to only be stable when and as I am making money and otherwise I am unstable within the point that I am worried, feel inferior, and go into imaginations of what will happen to me if and when I become exposed as the looser who cannot make enough money to provide for his family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and then react to this fear with imaginations, which generate more fear – all as reactions to the physical reality of not having enough money. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am here, I am physical, and thus I am equal and one with all that is here as physicality regardless of my financial prowess.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace my self value and self worth to within and as what I am able to accomplish in this monetary system, instead of placing my self worth and value to within who I am here as the physical and as the breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that no matter what happens to me, like loosing everything, being rejected by others – I am still here as the physical and as the breath and as everything as me and that within and as who I am as the physical I have absolute equality with all that is here. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my fear of loss, fear of being inferior, fear of rejection – all this is only possible within who I am as an ego manifestation, as self-interest, of the mind as energy in separation from who I am as the physical. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as self-interest – where I only want to win in order to lift up my self-worth regardless of what the consequences are for the entire human race and regardless of the fact that billions of humans are living on this planet right now with far more dire circumstances than I am living in and than I am fearing to be living in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mind possessed with fear energy, anxiety, worry, and nervousness. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself within fear, anxiety, nervousness, and worry energy. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear / react in fear to the self-directive point of not moving within fear / not participating in fear – as if fear can protect me in anyway whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot protect myself unless I am reacting in fear, worry, nervousness, and anxiety. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not doing everything that I can do to provide the best possible outcome unless I am participating in fear, nervousness, worry, and anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with fear, anxiety, worry, and nervousness energy as if it is me and then identify with the backchat and imaginations that come up as if this is me as well – and within this, I forgive myself that when and as I identify with these energies as if they are me that this then results in a mind-possession wherein I am completely separated into an imaginary world that exists in my mind in separation from physical reality and thus I am rendered completely helpless and trapped within and as energy and diminished and limited.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am equal as the physical no matter what the consequences that I myself created through what I have been living throughout my many lives. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all consequences I face are here to show my the truth of myself and what I have been living and thus are gifts that I have actually bestowed upon myself in order to wake myself up so that I can stand as awareness as the physical and as the breath and move myself within absolute equality within what is best for all of no self-interest. And thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply stand and breathe no matter the consequences that I may face - where I stand within the realization that I am equal so long as I align myself within and as the physical as the breath of which I can do right here and now regardless of what may happen to me or if I am a ‘looser’ or ‘winner’ in this system.
When and as I see myself becoming mind possessed with the pattern of comparing myself to others financially and then fearing the idea of being rejected by my social network, i.e. my wife, etc, because they may see me as a looser or may not be able to handle the stress of my not being able to provide financially – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into this because I see, realize, and understand that the root of this fear, anxiety, nervousness, and worry is in my separation as a personality / ego unit of the mind where I am always competing, comparing, and judging myself as the best or the worst / a looser or a winner / inferior or superior of which is also bullshit self interest of the mind. Thus, I see, realize, and understand that I am fucking myself over by acting in self interest of competing for supremacy which then sets me up for mind possession of fear of loss / fear of being a looser. Thus, I commit myself to end the competition game and align myself back to within and as the physical where I move myself within the principle of what is best for all of no self interest as my starting point, where I have absolute equality with all that is here as me; and then also I commit myself to direct myself to immediately breathe and when and as fear reactions and mind possessions come up to in regards to any point and specifically to fear of loss / fear of being seen as a looser / fear of being rejected by my wife / fear of having to live with my mom. I thus direct myself to say in a gentle yet direct voice to myself “NO. I do not participate in this. I see, realize, and understand that the starting point of this fear is my self-interest. I see, realize, and understand that fear does not help me.” I then direct myself to breathe deeply in and out where I move the fear energy into my chest area and then ground it back into my physical where I stand as an equal as the physical.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

http://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2015/08/d ... esire.html

Day 363 – Desire

Desire is the energy that de-sires one from any kind of a noble status. To address someone as “sire” is a respectful form of address for someone of high social status, especially a king. To go into the energy of desire, is to de-sire oneself from this status potential of one in authority, where then one is controlled by the energy of desire as well as one’s pre-programmed existence and also by this world system that feeds off the manipulation and exploitation of our desires. Desire is the energy that pulls one towards something that one has thought about in the past. Desire is the energy that pulls one towards one’s destiny, as in towards “this tiny” pre-programmed existence that one is supposed to walk down to fulfill the energy requirements of the self appointed gods and the money requirements of their subservient elite. Desire is programmed into us through downloads of our parent’s personalities, images, ideas, concepts all seen in the media where we are taught to not be content with ourselves right here as who we are as physical beings, but instead to seek something more to complete us. And as we chase after that what we believe we need through the energy of desire, we simply follow a path that was already laid before us to walk down in order support our oppressors who require are obedience in order to be our oppressors in the first place. So, don’t blindly follow your desires. Always ask yourself “where does this desire come from?” “Is this desire of me?” And then remember that no matter how hard the desire seems to pull, it can be stopped. It is just energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the energy of desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pulled by the energy of desire towards that what I believe that I desire as if I cannot stop myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to things people in my environment, whether through media or in person, positively where I believe that I am made better, more complete, superior so long as I have that, and then within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the more that I dwell on certain points in my world where I believe that those points will bring me something that I do not already have – that the more I will react with the energy of desire when in their presence / the more that I will feel pulled by the energy of desire when in there presence or when thinking of them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the bigger that I make a point in my mind / the more that I believe that it will fulfill me / the more that I believe that something will pleasure me / the more that I believe that something will make me happy / the more that I believe that something will make me more competitive where I win more and more / the more that I think something will make me cool / the more that I believe that something or someone will bring me something that I believe that I need or do not have – that the stronger my reaction in desire will be towards these points when and as I am faced with them either in thought or in physical proximity.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through desire, I actually de-“sire” myself from any point of authority, wherein I am subjugated to the energy of the mind, where within that I follow the pull of the energy of desire, like an obedient slave, into my pre-programmed and pre-destined future / life path, as a slave to the elite of existence giving up my physical to be converted to energy and my money.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realizes, and understand that when and as I react in desire towards something or someone, that this desire was actually pre-programmed either through my downloaded personalities from my parents and / or through my own participation in my mind towards that specific point in my past, where I dwelled on the fantasy or the illusion of what I desire might bring to me that I do not already have or am not already living. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the more that I breathe, the less that I desire.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I create and fuel my own desires through believing in and identifying with the back-chat that I participate in towards that what I desire, in the past. Within that, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply step in and direct myself when and as desire hits and ask, “why do I desire this?” “Where does this desire come from?” “What do I believe this will give me that I am not already living or do not already possess?”
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that desire does not in any way reflect who I really am, but only reflects my own pre-programming of the mind that I either inherited or created myself in the past. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that desire / where I desire shows me where and what I am not already living as who I am here as the physical, and thus tracking my desires can act as a road map for me to see where I need to align myself within the physical to see where and what I need to align myself as a point to live as myself as who I am – wherein I am in no need or desire for anything other that practical living matters, because I am already whole and complete.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that living in the energy of desire is also de-siring because it is an energy of like a little child who needs to be told what to do and directed because within the energy of desire one is pulled like a child with no self-control towards the object of desire.
When and as I see myself accessing desire, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to access desire because I see, realize, and understand that this is not me as the physical. I see, realize, and understand that desire de-sires me and reducing me to the status of energy slave and money slave to the elite. I see, realize, and understand that desire only exists within the illusion that I am not already whole and complete here as the physical – as if I need something more than who I already am here. Thus, I commit myself to say in a strict voice to myself, as if talking to a child, “No you don’t! This is not acceptable! I stop!” when accessing desire. From here, I resolve to remain calm and breathe in the energy of desire into my chest and then breath the energy back into my chest where I ground it back into my physical and to do this over and over again until the energy of desire is passed. From here, I direct myself to ask why this energy of desire came up, what I believe this point will bring to me, and so one and so forth so that I can examine what I desire and then eradicate it from my programming altogether so that eventually I will desire nothing other than what is best for all.


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