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Day 379 – Self-Value, II
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to my own negative self-judgments. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow these fear reactions to trigger worry, imaginations, and paranoia about how others see me and value me through as my own self judgments, as if these judgments are coming from others instead of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to those who make more money than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my value is only equal to and only represented as the amount of money that I can make in the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not the very best at something, then I am inferior and unworthy and have no real value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in competition with others in all ways just so that I can prove to myself my own self worth. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own self judgments, wherein I am only worthy if I am winning and at the top, onto others as if others are judging me this way, when in fact it is me judging me and placing my value within and as what I can win and accomplish in this one life.
I forgive myself that I have neglected to consider and see, realize, and understand that one’s value as a physical being / as physicality / as substance / as the breath / as what is physically here is one and equal with all that is here / all beings here because we are all made of the exact same substance, just in different forms – like clay – all clay is equal, just shaped differently. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I place my value in what I can accomplish and win or who I am as far as my personalities are concerned, for example am I the wittiest, the smartest, etc., - that within this I am separating myself from who I am as the physical into and as energy constructs of the mind that are not actually real and thus through this, whether I win or loose, I am in effect devaluing myself to within and as energy, ideas, beliefs, and constructs, instead of taking my stand in equality as who I am as the physical, of which is already here waiting for me to realize this and live it as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to attain or achieve something in order to be equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and thus measure myself against and to others who have lots of money, success, popularity, intelligence, and a seeming perfect life, and then come up lacking as if I am unworthy and have no self value unless I have the same outward appearance of success and fulfillment as they do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and react in fear to the idea that these negative self judgments, comparisons, and the point that I have not self value or worth unless I am the best, or on the winning side are coming from others as if this is what others are thinking of me – when in fact this is what I am thinking of myself.
When and as I see myself comparing myself to others, judging myself as inferior, and then reacting in fear, worry, imaginations, and projections as reactions to my negative self-judgments that I am “unworthy” and “inferior”, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow this to exist within and as me because I see, realize, and understand that this is complete egoic bullshit that serves only my mind in its eternal fight for survival and positive energy experiences of winning, etc. I remind myself in these moments that I am right here within and as the physical where I am already equal and one to all beings here / all that is here because we are all of the same source / substance just in different forms and expressions. I thus commit myself to stop and delete these back-chats, negative self judgments, fear reactions, worries, imaginations, and projections that occupy my mind through directing my attention and aligning myself to within and as the breath / my breathing where through the alignment of within and as my breathing I am enabling myself to be right here within and as my physical body where I am able to stand within and as equality and oneness right here as the breath / as the physical without having to attain anything, prove anything, by anything, or achieve anything in order to just feel and experience myself as equal and one, but rather I am merely stepping into the equality and oneness within and as myself that is already here naturally as who I am as the physical and as the breath.