Josh's Journey to Life

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josh
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Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

Day 407 Its been 3 years
It's been 3 years since my last post on my journey to life. Not sure where the time went. It does not seem as if it was 3 years ago. So, what happened? In short, it's easier to go with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "go with the flow" of my pre-programmed personalities because it is easier than living and standing in and as self-honesty, and thus applying self forgiveness and corrective application consistently so that I can support myself to change / to stop living as my pre-programmed virtual self and birth myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time chasing energetic experiences so that I can satisfy the cravings of me as my mind consciousness system instead using the time, that I have, to apply myself to introspect in self-honesty so as to support myself map out my mind patterns so that I can then apply self forgiveness and then construct corrective application solutions that I can then apply daily, within and as each breath, consistently to slowly but surely change overtime / stop the mind patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to to exist within and as over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to change and thus react within this point by giving up and doing nothing to support myself to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change because of my experience with writing in that when I use writing to map out a pattern that I seek to correct, that my experience is that I freeze up and unable to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that walking process is somehow missing out on living life, when it is exactly the opposite - I am not and have not been living life, but merely living pre-programmed patterns as personalities as the mind where I repeat patterns like cycles chasing energetic experiences unto infinity / never ending - like a hamster on a wheel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too tired to do process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writings as "no good" and then react with fear towards writing and then seek other behaviors to participate in instead so that I can forget about what I must do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist accepting the responsibility that I have, and that each has equally, to stand up and change to what is best for all. And what is best for all is to not exist as the mind, to not exist as patterns and personalities, and to not exist as a being chasing energetic experiences, but rather what is best for all is to live here in every moment of breath as the physical where one is the same and not fluctuating emotionally or energetically in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the change that I want to see in this world takes application and time, but starts with me. If I cannot change myself, then I cannot change this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste precious time chasing after energetic experiences instead of applying myself in every moment to stop existing within and as patterns of the mind, as beliefs, as ideas, as fears, as judgments.

I commit myself to walk a process of self-honesty, self forgiveness, and corrective application wherein I apply myself in and as the breath and as the physical, in every moment daily. I commit myself push through all resistances to walking my process so as to support myself to be consistent and thus change for real into what is best for all as the physical.

Marlen
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
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Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by Marlen »

Hey Josh, cool to see you around here again and thanks for sharing what has opened up within you after these years. Glad you pushed through all resistances, ideas an limitations.

And great for pasting the text too :)

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Kristina
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Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by Kristina »

I second what Marlen said - so very cool to see your words, Josh!

josh
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Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

As always - thank you for your supportive words!

https://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2019/02/ ... -self.html

Day 408 - Radical Breath as the Key to Self Change
What does radical breath mean? I don't know exactly. I mean I do know, but not exactly. What I do know, is that aligning myself within and as the breath is the key to stopping the energetic systems of the mind. So, this post is to explore that point as to bring it here for me, so that I can support myself the change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word "breath" as stinky breath and as negative creating a polarity towards the word breath and utilizing the breath as the key to support myself to remain here within and as the physical and as the breath so I can stop the energetic systems of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that who I am / what I participate in, in each and every breath and between each and every breath, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant accumulates to support me to either re-birth myself as life, here in the physical, or to further entrap myself into the energies of the mind.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process of self change within accepting and allowing energy as thoughts, feelings, and emotions in and between breath, instead of standing as life in each and every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that others judge the term breath as silly or strange due to lack of understanding and thus within that, accept and allow myself to not use utilize breath as a tool to self change - thus within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this is a form of sabotage by the mind, like a CIA operation to derail a newly being installed government through coercion and fear tactics that are not logical and mathematical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop participating in the mind unless I map it out in writing first, and thus as a consequence of this belief, I then accept and allow myself to accumulate moments of not breathing - when in fact, I have the choice to breathe and ground myself here as the breath, in every moment of breath, so long as I can see the point - I can stop it in one breath.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own process of self change by creating a blockade against change and against remaining here as breath, because of the belief that I can only stand within and as the points that I have addressed in writing, thereby making writing an actual crutch and resistance point rather than what it is intended to be in fact: a tool to support the stopping of the mind, but not the end-all be all of what I have the power to do in one breath.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I use the words "where did the time go" - that that reveals to me that I have been mind possessed within and energetic patterns that have distracted me from what is actually here as me as physical existence and as breath.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself to breathe the 4 count breath: in breath for 4 counts, the infinite moment between the in and out breath for 4 counts, then the out breath for 4 counts, then the infinite moment between the in and the out breath for 4 counts - whenever I am able as a point of support to remain here and slow down enough to expose what I am existing as, as the mind in regards to both what comes up in the mind as energy while doing so and also in regards to how long I can apply the 4 count breath before my mind takes over again and I stop breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and contribute to abuse, as seen in all facets of this world, by accepting and allowing seemingly harmless mind patterns instead of deleting them instantly through as remaining here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience towards the point of breathing, where I thus create a polarity: breathing as "good" and not breathing as "bad", of which creates a form of a mind-possession, instead of living here simply as the breath, in every moment as a physical expression of me as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to define for myself, as a means of support, the point of Radical Breath as: the point of self commitment to remaining here in and as breath, in each and every moment of breath, no matter what I may face, wherein through this I empower myself to align my self expression with that of the physical and as Life, and thus also empower myself to stop any point of the mind that comes up in my awareness immediately - of which empowers me to transcend death and recreate myself to that which is best for all, as the physical and as Life.

I commit myself to use Radical Breath whenever I am aware.

I commit myself to use Radical Breath to speed up my process to change self into what is best for all.

I commit myself to use Radical Breath to stop any and all mind patterns immediately, in one breath; and if not, then to develop my ability over time to do so.

I commit myself to remain here as the breath, in every moment of breath - and to develop my ability to do so increasingly over time through the support of writing these blogs, and committing myself to always choose the breath over energy.

I commit myself to end all mind possession through radical breath.

I commit myself to support myself to slow myself down, through breathing and radical breath, so as to enable myself to see the energetic patterns that I am accepting and allowing myself to existing as - So as to support myself so to THEN address these discovered and exposed points with self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and corrective application, in writing these blogs, so as to further increase my awareness so as to support myself to more readily see when and as I am in an energetic pattern and thus further enable myself to stop and choose to breathe, and remain here as the breath, the physical, as Life.

I commit myself to stop the mind and breathe because that is what is best for me and what is best for all.

I commit myself to live radical breath as my expression so as to be a part of the solution to end all suffering on earth.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

https://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2019/02/radical.html

The phrase "radical breath" is peculiar to me. When I hear it I react with positive energy, except when I hear it combined with the word "breath", which then I react with negative energy. These reactions keep me from being able to live this word equal and one with me as the breath, here; but instead cause mind reactions where I become energy possessed, and thus lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word "radical" as good due to its referring to something that is out-side of the ordinary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word and idea of "ordinary" as bad / negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the word "radical" within and as positive energy as if I am something more than who I am as Life, here, because I am "radical".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to express myself as "radical" in order to create the positive energy experience within and as myself as being "more than".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the term "radical breath" as bad / negative / silly because of my self created idea and perception that this is not possible because the breath is breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self-created negative judgement of the phrase "radical breath" be a platform for me to resist and ignore exploring this point within which I am therefore limiting myself / my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity point in regards to the word "radical" depending on how it is used / what context it used within, through judging this word as good or bad accordingly to how it is used. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that energetic reactions towards words limits one's ability to comprehend language, limits one's ability to communicate effectively, limits one's abilities to hear words within equality, and thus limits one's potential both in and as this world in competition, and as Life, here as the physical.

The definition of Radical:

rad·i·cal
[ˈradək(ə)l]
ADJECTIVE
(especially of change or action) relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down enough to simply look at the actual definition of the word radical, of which indicates relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something which of course is CHANGE.

Sounding the word Radical, I come up with: Rad-I-Call, short for radiation that I call.

Radiation permeates dense solid object and changes their nature.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand eloquence of the phrase "Radical Breath" as that it communicates the point of breathing that affects self-change - and that breathing would be the breathing wherein one is here within and as the breath, in awareness, as Life, here - that is radical breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I know when I am standing within and as radical breath if I am in fact changing in a measurable way, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that If I am not changing, I am not breathing, and that if I think I am exercising radical breath, but no change occurs - that this indicates to me, that I am experiencing radical breath within and as my mind, and not living radical breath as an expression of me, here, within and as the physical, as Life.

I commit myself to use radical breath to change myself into what is best for all, breath-by-breath.

I commit myself to live the words "radical breath" as one and equal with me here, as the physical, breath by breath.

I commit myself to change my very nature, from that as spite and abuse for the sake of energy and experience, to that of equality and oneness, as the physical, for the sake of what is best for all, breath-by-breath.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

https://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2019/02/ ... ssion.html

Recently the point of suppression came up. The point of crystallized suppressions, to be exact. The point of becoming your suppressions, to be even more exact. The point of drug induced crystallized suppressions to be even more exact than the last more exact. Then I thought to myself "what are my suppressions? What do I suppress? I am not even sure, really". Probably so, because I am suppression my suppressions from myself, I suppose. Then I realized that this needs to be explored. I need to know what my suppressions are so that I can free myself from them and stop suppressing. And if I have, indeed, crystallized suppressions, then I really need to get started on this, like, asap; in order to do the extra work required to remove these crystallizations - and heaven forbid, I become my crystalyzed suppressions? Have I already become my crystalized suppressions?

So, got on Eqafe, and listened to Kryon's "How to Stop Suppressing" to help clarify things in this department.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when thoughts, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, judgments, pictures, memories come up / pop-up in my mind, react to them, which is separation, instead of seeing these things as mirrors - something to be looked at, equal and one with me here, and investigated.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I react to things that come up in my mind, that I am forming relationships with them, which is separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to edit / change things that come up in my mind to make it better / more acceptable - of which is a form of suppression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that anything that comes up in my mind such as secret indulgences / desires wherein I only share with certain people, are in fact also suppressions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that whenever I become defensive, or deny, or create a delusion around anything that I do not wish to see about myself is also a suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide things from myself and others through suppression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to bring a point here, and write about it exactly as it is without dressing it up or changing it in someway through thinking about the point / reasoning about it / rationalizing about it - of which is suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change the nature of what is coming up within and as me as my mind of which is suppression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the key to not suppressing is to face things that come up in my mind exactly as they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea of crystallized suppressions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because of the belief and idea that bringing a point here and writing it out exactly as it is - is impossible to do because I am not capable of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, think, and perceive that I am not capable of the "level" of self honesty to both see and face my suppressions exactly as they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my suppressions and to fear the point that I have suppressions.

I forgive msyelf that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that radical breath is the key to supporting myself to slow down to see what I suppress and the exact nature of it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that although I may have "crystallized suppressions" - breath-by-breath I can take them out.

I commit myself to slow down enough to see and map out my suppressions through the self support of radical breath and then write them out one by one until it is done and I am clear of suppressions living here equal and one within and as the physical, as Life - and no longer a systems of energetic slavery as the mind.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

https://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2019/02/ ... ssion.html

Day 410 - More on Suppression
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as good or bad and then keep that to myself not realizing that by doing so I am suppressing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and then hold opinions and judgments of others in separation of myself as them in my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about things that I desire and then keep this secret so that others do not see the truth of me and so that I can paint a pretty picture of myself on the outside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor sexual fantasies within and as my mind as me where I keep these secret and thus suppressed but fear facing them as if I might be missing out or losing something if I give up my secret fantasies and secret desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards others negatively and then suppress this by keeping it secret instead of facing these reactions one by one as they come up, in breath, so as to eventually stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I react negatively towards another, that this being is a mirror reflecting me back to me and that the source of the reaction is within and as me, and what I have accepted and allowed within and as myself, and not the other being. Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that these are gifts showing me points to look within and as myself, such as fears, etc that I may hold that are the actual source of the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to suppress judgments of others until they accumulate into a out-ward reaction triggered by something that they do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate suppressed energy as thoughts, judgments, reactions, opinions, into and as my physical body over time without paying attention nor realizing that I am doing so every time I accept and allow this to go on in my mind without facing it through self forgiveness and in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear / react in fear to the point of crystallized suppressions.

I commit myself to slow down and breathe so that I can see my mind instead of being lost in it as it, and thus support myself to stop suppressing by doing forgiveness in the moment when these come up and then also writing them out one by one methodically over time so as to stop suppressing altogether.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

https://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2019/02/ ... wards.html

Day 411 -- Stopping back chat towards person named CWMS
I have back-chat towards CWMS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, in and as my back-chat, to judge CWMS negatively and as ignorant, and religious and then react with annoyance in his presence or just thinking, especially when he speaks religiously or prays, and then change my tone of voice, my posture as more of a "keep your distance / I am superior" posture when in his presence. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then suppress this by keeping to myself instead of releasing it through self honesty and self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also judge CWMS negatively and create the opinoin and idea within and as me that he is "silly or stupid", because, he always addresses me with a hand shake or hug no matter what the situation, even when it seems / judged as inappropriate to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and hold the opinion within and as myself, through judgment, that CWMS is silly and stupid because I see his behavior as hyper, superfluous, silly, and invasive.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that these judgments, reactions, opinions is my secret mind. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my secret mind where I hold opinions and judgments of others in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character of resistance and superiority when XWMS's presence, where I speaking more slowly and with softer tones and changing my body posture to be not so inviting and show a form of superiority towards him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character of super-hero-ity / superiority, where I judge another as in-fear-and-horror and then play the super-hero in and as superiority. Thus I forgive myself to particvipate in this polarity game where I create energy and thus exist in 3 dimensions as the mind where I mine my end, instead of standing here as the breath, equal and one with others as me where no judgments are accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to stand as Life, as one and equal, with CWMS and others equally, and immediately stop backchat in one breath and do SF on it to release and ground it back to the physical.

Marlen
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Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by Marlen »

Hi Josh, something that I do whenever reacting to someone that 'extensively' is to also apply the mirror principle. What 'bothers me' about 'another' is in fact in me, therefore using that starting point as a focal perspective. At times I have even seen how if I am bothered by someones' attitude, if I define it in certain words, I actually am living out those words or attitudes in some way in my life. This results in a much more humble approach in that sense to see where I am living that which I am criticizing and as such, how I can only ever be the one that creates any form of inner conflict in relation to another person.

Part of walking this process is to understand as well how you've come to judge others that way, what are the exact associations that you've labeled as this/that that create a reaction, discomfort or general emotions within you, and looking back at how you are the source of such discomfort, reaction, emotion and why.

So, something I would suggest doing is investigating all the adjectives you have associated with the person and 'take them back to yourself' to see where and how you've been living such words in your own life as well and so understand 'how' such expressions come to be a part of you, so that next time you are with that person, you can stand in self-forgiveness for those judgments you've held towards another in a form of superiority in itself, instead of first taking these words back to yourself to see where and how you can change that which is triggering a bothersome experience as you relate to other people in your reality.

josh
Posts: 571
Joined: 15 Aug 2011, 02:39

Re: Josh's Journey to Life

Post by josh »

https://jprocessr.blogspot.com/2019/02/ ... tupid.html

Day 412 -- Who am I as "stupid"
I have a resistance to just writing or speaking the word "stupid", even remotely related to me, even with the question "who am I am as stupid", of which is the title of this blog, there is the energy of resistance within and as me. All my life, I grew up afraid that I was "stupid". I also grew up feeling "less than" others as well as feeling "socially enept and afraid to interact socially because I feared I was stupid" I used to speak to myself that I was stupid, in my mind, as a child. I was afraid as being seen as stupid. When I got to an older child, I started hearing from others that I was hyper. This feed into my social fears. It wasn't that I always felt that I did not fit in, but wasn't good enough to fit in, or I would not have anything to say - so I did not talk at all. This fear is suppressed within and as me to this day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word "stupid" as negative / bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear as a child when someone would call me stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, when I was a child, that when someome called me stupid, it was in fact so and that I was bad or not therefore worthy of being a human being and having friends. Within this, I forgive myself that I, even as a child, did not see, realize, and understand that kids can be mean without realizing and that these are only words and opinions and judgments that are not in fact physically real - only energies. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these reactions to being called "stupid / dumb" as a child and a teenager into and as the cells of my body and my mind where these would direct and influence me later in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the point of being "stupid" as being "inferior / less" than and thus react in fear to the point of being judged as stupid / called stupid, especially as a child - not realizing that "stupid" is a judgment and is not actually real. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what is in fact real is what is physically here, as flesh, as the physical, as the breath - and that we have different abilities, expressions, and aptitudes based on the influences of our early child-hood development and programming from schools, teachers, parents, computers, and television - and that one's "intelligence" is not based on inherent things, such as simply that one is inherently "stupid", but that one's expressed aptitude is more of a reflection of the effectiveness of one's early childhood development, and thus it is nothing "personal"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take criticism personally as if it is the absolute truth of who I am, like a final judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was being judged by my peers while growing up, like a final judgment from God within the point "thou art stupid / less than / unworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the self judgment / belief / idea / and perception that I may be stupid and also hyper. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my expression where I don't talk to much, if at all, especially in my childhood -while growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge CWMS as "stupid and hyper" when observing his behavior, especially when he prays, and talks over and over again about the same point, and guzzles water. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel / go into the experience of superiority towards him, where I mute my expression towards him, change my body posture and tone of voice, because I "do not participate in such foolishness".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may be socially inept or incapable of taking care of myself in life because of my social ineptness, and then judge CWMs as being so and then going into a superiority point towards him as a reaction where I feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge CWMSs behavior as "foolishness"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear "being the fool / being fooled"

I commit myself to breathe when and as I see these patterns coming up.

I commit myself to keep myself to not change my physical expression when in CWMs presence by slowing down, breathing, and remaining here instead of going into these patterns.

I commit myself to, when and as these patterns come up - to bring it back to self within the realization that CWMSs is a mirror reflecting me back to me.

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