84 - power trip music 2
http://scottalancook.blogspot.com/2012/ ... sic-2.html
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have remained addicted to a delusion of empowerment within familiarity through the adoption of music that I ‘like,’ while defining, cultivating and diminishing myself in relationship to this list of preferences that mean nothing other than that I have been existing as a mind that responds to certain stimuli in the form of recorded music, through which I have tried to adapt myself to my environment mentally and delusionally instead of physically and self-honestly, attempting to substitute direct reality with the mental filters under the influence of a recorded product.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself within the fixation on patterns of image and sound, while diminishing myself as a listener/consumer of the recorded production of human beings who thrive in this world by projecting something larger than life to which I would respond by indulging in the fantasy of somehow being in the process of designing myself as larger than life, yet never able to achieve this carrot on a stick that doesn’t exist in physical reality in any other form beyond the acquisition of money and the acceptance of self as a character in a hierarchy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate recorded music with anything other than what it is, mythologizing it into something with which I can use to systematically/mechanically shape and sculpt the multi-dimensions of characters I believe and perceive myself to be, while trying to passively outrun the reality of who I am as one human being among many, as a participant in the world system, creating and perpetuating war within myself, addicted to insecurity and fighting for limitations – without seeing how this contributes to the current manifestation on the ‘macrocosmic’ level of earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the distraction of trivial associations of recorded music such as the character/charisma of the human beings who made/recorded it, while secretly analyzing myself in the back of my mind according to their beliefs, perceptions, experiences, opinions, projections, personas - within this, diminishing myself as an inferior persona based on the perception that the limitation of who a human being is the character cultivated from birth under the influence of the respective environment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge whether something is ‘worth listening to’ from the perspective of how well it conforms within the boundaries of self-religious diminishment into a multi-dimensional set of images and ideas, within which I struggle to maintain a limited expression of life in order to create an experience of security and strength within a self-detonating hierarchy of worthless values that could never stand the test of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to willfully ignore the reality that the motivation of profit, status and security is basically just as present within the music/product that I would define as worth listening to and identifying with as it is within something that that I would judge as cheap.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of disappointment, depression and self-loathing in association with such relationships of attachment toward particular bands/products, as these memories related to bands, songs, the year the album was released, who I believed myself to be at the time, who I wanted to become in the future, relationships with people and places at the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within resentment toward cultural conditioning when my own reaction to it is the self-created enduring effect, within fear of being inextricably interwoven with the social model promoted through public indoctrination and mainstream culture.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mythologize recorded music into an idea that is greater than life while diminishing myself accordingly, thus developing a habit of seeking an external form of energy and experience that is entirely self-created within the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in judgment of a culture as if to outrun my self-created insecurity in my relationship to it, thus inadvertently supporting this polarity within myself as a means to keep myself suppressed and distracted from reality with the energy required to maintain the image of who I am in my mind as burdened by an atmosphere of what I arbitrarily perceive as cheap music, while maintaining such a generalized blanket judgment of the human beings in this area based on this perception derived from what I believe myself to know about how the world works, how we are conditioned, and how we proceed to program ourselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fixate on the point of reaction toward a mind-made atmosphere of brainwashing and propaganda with cookie-cutter models of perception, which I’ve participated in through the reaction of self-created anxiety within an experience of being interwoven with and bound to stereotypes in a tacit collective agreement of self-distraction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the definition/limitation of who I am within the self-created experience of intolerance and physical constriction for what I have defined myself within a love-to-hate relationship toward human beings as ‘the masses’ instead of seeing others as they are without the character-preserving filters, as well as out of fear of this aspect of myself that I’ve devoted so much energy into separating myself from within fear of loss of who I have believed myself to be as a character in this world.