This is a cool self-observation so you can identify how humor becomes a way to deal with further suppressions wherein it can then be reviewed in order to ensure that humor stands as an expression in the moment without it having any hidden agenda to cope with a perceived ‘atmosphere’ in such moment. The passive experience of the dream is also a cool aspect to look at wherein you remained within the same ‘tonality’ of the dream even though you had the intention of breaking through what you could see was an opportunity to ‘break the ice’ from the perspective of establishing communication and getting to know what this was all about instead of just complying to it without openly questioning it. It also points out how within this we keep each other in a ‘safe zone’ because without interaction, there is no confrontation and as such we keep ourselves bound to the projected judgments without further feedback- thus it is to see how practically directing you to interact/ participate/ interject is a point that you can implement in order to step out of character and apply the common sense that you’re seeing here could have been applied / lived in the dream. If it is not us that do such a ‘breaking point,’ then, who will?The main interactive moment of this dream is in a parking lot, and I find a magazine that features some random celebrity on it and, as a joke, ask the woman if we should put this image on her tombstone, and it gets a good laugh. But the mood within all this is very suppressed and nonverbal, like everyone is following through with this mechanically
You could write: I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain within a pattern of remaining quiet even though I wanted to interact with another in order to break the pattern of suppressing my expression and believing I am not able to articulate anything, instead of realizing that I can make a single decision to breathe, stop my self-limitation and just speak in order to establish a communication that I realize won’t ever come by itself, but that I have to be the one that breaks the spell.I wanted to interact with the woman about this, because if I don’t then we will remain in this kind of phantom limbo where we are too numb and suppressed to articulate anything, and the pattern will continue indefinitely unless I decide to be the asshole who breaks the spell, which in this dream I don’t
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that I can only enjoy life / myself whenever there is no one around/when I am alone and in this, perpetuate the patterns of keeping everyone at distance within the self-belief of who I am as a ‘nameless inaccessible character,’ which I realize has only been my own self-judgment that I have projected onto others and within this, keep me within the ‘safe bounds’ that I’ve built around myself when interacting/ being around others, in order to preserve a self-experience of passive contempt, which I realize is unnecessary to perpetuate as a memory of ‘who I am’ toward others. I instead see how I am not physically defined by the context/ environment and what I see around me, as I breathe and the stability that exists here as myself is the one point I can only reference my experience to, which is a physical stability.The town in this dream is inactive, like a ghost town, which is what I have preferred as the only way I can delude myself into enjoying life within what seem to be the reasonable boundaries of this character of passive contempt.
You can disclose the judgments and reactions according to the precise experience you were having in the dream, which is no different to how you would experience yourself in ‘real life’ anyways, this is how I see it is important to lay out the actual experience , give it a name in order to identify the pattern more easily.I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define who I am in a moment of potential interaction as not wanting to talk to people based on whatever combination of judgments and reactions I have formulated in my relationship to them...
So this point I would take through self forgiveness since you have spotted your own justification there –…It’s essentially the same as everyone else that has been in the tacit process of deliberate and discreet collective self-desensitization that shouldn’t be that difficult to put into words, but it might seem unlikely to get much feedback in verbal form other than through the deindividuation of faceless insults and profanity, which would be the justification for the right to remain as useless as a dead skin mask and just allow things to happen.
Have a look at what memory is conditioning this judgment, how have you created this association of ‘faceless insults and profanity’ with verbal feedback?but it might seem unlikely to get much feedback in verbal form other than through the deindividuation of faceless insults and profanity,
it’s as though I’ve allowed myself to become more anxious from one year to the next with the awareness of the mechanics of what this system is that I’m a part of . A lot of this suppressed anxiety has been channeled into obsessive physical maintenance, while other wasted moments have been related to not knowing exactly what I’m supposed do, as if I require instructions, just like the indoctrinated tendency for human beings to go through life following orders. That would summarize the justification for a state of silent observation, of apparently not knowing how to even begin to articulate the obvious points that everyone apparently must see but hesitates or refuses to put to words because that would break the tradition of indisputable, unwritten rules by writing down and exposing it for the brainwash that it is, not as judgment and not without referencing myself, but to make it as clear as possible so that there can be no mistake.
The resolution toward a sound definition of Respect is in place, so, we can now work with deconstructing, self forgiving, self correcting the old in order to integrate/amalgamate with the current realization and understanding about it.I've been looking at respect as something defined in terms of social approval and camaraderie than in terms of being honest with oneself, and my judgment was cynicism. Part of the ‘collective will’ has been to be positively associated with respectable people in public in order to establish a sense of confidence and self-assurance, and I've fallen for this before in spite of my judgment about it. The starting point within the effort to cultivate motivation, persistence, achievement, and pride often seems rooted in the avoidance of social ostracism, mockery, and isolation, as in the judgment of my father and as well as in relation to war in the broad context.
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