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sandymac
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Christmas & Cheap Labor: Does Ignorance = Innocence?

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http://sandymacjones.wordpress.com/2014 ... innocence/

An article I read recently, 5 Giant Companies Who Use Slave Labor, poised a powerful question, ‘How many people had to suffer so we can have cheap products?’ Hummm, I never thought of it that way.

Don’t feel so giddy and innocent now going to stock up at ‘Dollarama’ and ‘Giant Tiger’.

After sharing the story with friends and family, many responded similar to me. Quite simply, now that I am aware of this ; it is unacceptable to me and I will no longer participate, by not shopping at these stores/buying these products (as much as possible, as I am aware of) & by promoting a new, fair and equitable alternative/money system. Spreading awareness is another way to be an active participant in stopping this exploitation.

It does shock me now, that I never questioned the very low prices before and deepens my surprise and awareness of my robotic behaviour. “Don’t look too closely at the world systems just focus on your self interest and walk blindly…ooo arn’t you lucky you found that great deal to fill your children’s stockings at Christmas or afford to buy a new spring wardrobe so as to feel a sense of abundance, not quite so cheated compared to your rich friends…better hurry…grab it before someone else does.” The truth is its just a ‘fix’ like a drug, temporary relief for the frustrated middle class.

So, to answer the question, yes I believe ignorance is an ‘excuse’/innocence to a certain extent. That many of us when our eyes are opened to the ugly truth of slave and child labour, will take a firm stand, to at least not shop at these stores-its a start.

However, once one is made aware-no longer ignorant of the facts- they are not innocent at all, but responsible to walk the changes necessary, no matter how long or what it takes, to bring about justice , a world of oneness and equality. So all may enjoy a life of dignity, so all have a life worth living

The shopping fix, for unnecessary items, is just like any other drug, alcohol or the bright, sparkly lights that daze & dazzle us at christmas. Is it your ‘fault’ you became an addict? Perhaps not or more to the point it doesn’t really matter …it is your responsibility to change your behaviour for the good of all ! No excuses are acceptable.

Please investigate a real and practical alternative, Living Income Guaranteed. Let us all stand together to create a better world, based on equality.

The LIG proposal can be adopted, in part or whole, by any political party.

Investigate the Equal Life Foundation and the proposal for a Living Income Guaranteed where all are sufficiently supported and honored with their basic human rights – where they have the ability to provide themselves with food, water, shelter, education, health care – all things one would like for themselves and would be living a standard less than what is best for them without such things.

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sandymac
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Day 331: Envy

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... -331-envy/

I would like to share some of what I realized after listening to this awesome series about Envy from Eqafe: Atlanteans: 259 Envy-Introduction Here are some of the questions it answers: How does the emotional experience of envy take over your being and body? What is it about envy that makes the experience so intense? How is the intensity of envy equal in all people, but at the same time is experienced to a greater or lesser degree? How do your personalities play a role in either allowing you to become possessed by envy or suppressing it?

So what is envy? Envy is an emotion-or more specifically an experience- that arises when we desire something that someone else has, that we perceive we do not have. It manifests as a combination of emotional reactions of anger, jealousy and hate.
https://eqafe.com/p/envy-introduction-a ... s-part-259
I have experienced much envy in my life, and still do within memories of certain people, 3 or 4 people in particular, during a period of my life when I had no money/was struggling financially as a single parent . As such, I am exisiting as a ‘living memory’ instead of as the ‘living word’. As I allow the past to possess me within my own mind of pictures, thoughts, thought patterns (old tapes playing in the mind), past memory playouts, and imaginations (if/as I change the memory, in awareness or unconsciously, where I come out better or ‘ahead’, in order to change how I experience energy, from a negative energy experience to a positive one).

As I do this, engage in envy in the mind, I feel those familiar friends I know so well rise up from my solar plexes into my chest, anger, hate, jealousy, I experience myself as inferior but often then fall into guilt for having blamed and judged another so harshly. I really have little to no resentments towards these people, nothing/not much went wrong/happened within our relationships, it is strictly the money point.

What do I envy? Material possessions that are paid for like home/cottage/car, time and opportunity for enjoyment and self-growth, & a financially stress free life. The interesting thing is, I am financially stable now, have all I need and enjoy some ‘wants’ now and then, as well. I can see how these memories come up mostly from associations/connections throughout my day, like today when I saw a woman wearing a certain kind of winter boot- with a prestigious label who are known to engage in horrific animal abusepractices- where my quantum mind associated the word ‘elite’, then I have judgements/blame pop up about ‘the ignorant elite’ and then a picture of one of these people/or their name/or picture of one of their cottages and voila I react in anger, jealousy, hate = the design/manifestation of envy -cause I want to have money like them, a lovely home, a happy stable partnership, a vacation not paid by credit, a nice car that is paid for, no financial stress

But wait…although I don’t have the extreme wealth these people do, today I do have these things! So what is going on, why do I still have envy?

Why do I follow the first thought/pixel when it comes up in my mind? What does it give me?

I have identified 3 personalities that keep me stuck in a timeloop-as they feed and feed off of – the emotional experience of envy:

childhood elite character: where I allow a feeling of entitlement to possess me, ‘their life should be my life, this is where I came from’ kind of thing, this entitlement mixes with the anger, jealousy and hate as I allow it to fester, grow.

the poor single mother- where I would react with blame and connect reactions of self-pity and jealousy letting it possess me

the alcoholic- allowed me to suppress when envy came up

Within these personalities I see a pattern of blaming, not standing up and taking responsibility, as in , ‘they have wronged me/life has wronged me so I am right to blame’. With blame, I can do nothing as I am supposedly not responsible for the consequences that manifest in my life and I am not responsible to change myself-my thoughts, words and deeds- thus I remain stuck. This keeps me aligned/resonating within the above personalities whom I still identify with/define myself/define my life/still gives me worth-reason to exist, like ‘this is who I am /why I am the way I am today so I don’t have to change, it’s not my fault so it’s not my responsibility, I’m the victim here’. Thus I victimize/sabotage myself by living in the past!

Today I see I am keeping these personalities alive by creating a new character, the defender where I think, ‘I was the wronged one, so now I will be the defender of all who are wronged in this unjust world, defender of all underdogs, protector of the weak, champion of the vulnerable’.

I can definitely see how it is really not the people I hate/am angry at but the system, as in the money system, government system, economic system.

To Continue

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sandymac
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Day 332: Envy 2 - Facing and Forgiving Myself

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http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.co ... ng-myself/

Continuing from the previous post: Day 331: Envy

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become envy, as I look externally at something someone else has and, as envy think, ‘I want that, I deserve that too, it’s not fair that they have that and I do not!‘

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to come from the starting point of fear within this thinking pattern, fear that I will not have/possess what another has.

Within this, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as inferior to another, where I connect the emotional reactions of blame, jealousy, anger and hate, simply because of something material they possess and I do not.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into blame and judgements of another/life itself-god-creators, and then guilt for my ‘bad luck’, my childhood, my life decisions where I experience myself as inferior, victimizing myself byconnecting emotional reactions of hopelessness/helplessness/giving up, thereby not standing within self-responsibility, not being the director of my own life but letting life ‘happen’ to me as I simply react to events/circumstances and manifested consequence for my own behavior, indeed my moment to moment thought/word/deed.

In that, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to stay stuck in envy instead of standing up, looking at my life within practicality and making decision based on reality within what is available, what is achievable with my circumstances, what do I need to do to achieve certain goals-job and education for such a job, seeing what I admire about someone else’s life and how can I practically achieve this or some form of it.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself/exist within personalities -childhood elite character/poor single mom/alcoholic/the defender of the poor- based on the past as memories, where I feed the design of envy – keeping it alive within and as me, so I relate these personalities as ‘this is who I am ‘ – thus remain a victim of the past, not allowing myself to live in reality-as financial stability today except through a new self-definition as’ the defender’, defining myself as the wronged one who now protects/defends other ‘wronged’ ones, carrying past anger/hate/jealousy/blame/judgement–as envy with me.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and imaginations in relation to envy, where I follow certain mind associations/connect what I see in my day to day life to memories of people, events, circumstances from the past, going down the rabbit hole by engaging in memory playouts and imaginings with all sorts of judgments and assumptions, when in truth I do not know how a person experiences themselves in their day to day life/what their mind programming is, I am just beLIEving my mind by looking at them one dimensionally- as what they own/how much money they have- not the totality of who they are/what they have lived/faced in their life .

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as inferior and react in anger, hate, blame, judgement, toward certain people in my life/past instead toward the money system, as in the past I was quite powerless within my life situation financially because of the world systems/money system, these people I envied had got their wealth from/through the circumstances in their life, meaning family/marriage/inheritance, thus they had advantages/privileges/the whole system working with them (easy movement, less stress, easy loans/credit etc) so making changes/movement/creating their life was ‘doable’/possible. (note: I had some advantages but lost them through poor decision making resulting in bad credit).

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it is the system I hate not people, thus in order to support and assist others out of poverty and create a stable life, we need to change the foundation/core of the world systems-the banking/government/corporate/legal/money systems – so all may experience a life worth living

An absolute definite to listen to – https://eqafe.com/p/envy-green-money-at ... s-part-261

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sandymac
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Day 333: Commitment Statements: Envy – Living the Change

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... he-change/

Continuing from Envy Part 1 and Part 2: Day 331: Envy

When and as I see myself looking at something someone else has and following a desire within me, where I create an experience of/become envy, as in thinking, ‘I want that, I deserve that too, it’s not fair that they have that and I do not!’ I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to focus on reality and feel my feet on the ground. I understand I must look at myself/my life within a practicality to assess what I can do to achieve certain material goals. I also realize that it is cool to see what others have achieved and use this as a reference/see what I admire in another and apply it to myself/my potential without emotion. I realize much of this comes from my own self-definition, where a picture will pop up in my mind of, for example a cottage/summer home, that I give a positive charge to and connect a self-definition, created from childhood, of successful woman/wife/mother as ‘this is who I am/who I want to be’. Thus, I commit myself to slow down and ask myself questions within common sense, when I see something I initially think I want/need/desire.

When and as I see myself falling into emotional reactions of, firstly the starting point of fear that I will not be able to possess/achieve what another has, then going into jealousy, anger and hate I stop, I breathe. I remind myself I am a physical being here and bring my awareness back to what is before me. I ask myself, ‘Why would I want luxuries when others don’t have, possibly causing them to go into envy?’ I don’t! I realize it is not the person I hate/am reacting to but the money system of this world, reactions are quite useless as they only separate me from the person when it may be mutually beneficial to ask them questions, get to know them, share with them, give and receive. I also understand I am limiting my interaction with another when I go into envy, by looking at them one dimensionally through the mind, instead of seeing/understanding who they are in totality. I can see, now my financial situation in life has changed to one of stability, that many people own more than one property to invest in something other than the banking system or the stock market, so they choose real estate. Thus, I commit myself to stay out of my mind of emotional reactions when observing something someone else has/owns, realizing they may own it because of the way the current money system exists-circumstances such as birth/family/marriage- to look at that person free from my past/memories, get to know people through physical communication instead of perception, interpretation and assumption. I also commit myself to changing the current money system/government systems in this world so all may enjoy a life of abundance, free of financial struggle, all given freely all one the necessities of life/survival.

When and as I see myself accessing my backchat/internal conversation and imagination in relation to envy I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to access what is here in reality, bring myself out of my mind of memories and pictures and focus on what is real in my day. I realize participating in my mind does not change/improve my life or anyone else’s life. Thus I commit myself to instead see what I can practically do in the physical, to change things, to bring about an equal world and then DO IT/move/take action.

An absolute definite to listen to – https://eqafe.com/p/envy-green-money-at ... s-part-261 This is a series, there are 4 audios which focus on ENVY.

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sandymac
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DAY 337: REACTIONS OF SUPERIORITY

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... periority/

It is interesting, recently, just as I was reflecting on how the main point/main personality that I have to face and transcend in this lifetime was inferiority, I had 3 incidences in one evening with strong reactions of anger come up, where I experienced myself as SUPERior. I can see how I jump, within the reactions of inferior to superior (or visa versa) in a quantum moment, in order to hide my true nature from myself. This jumping/switching I discovered through working on my timelines within the DIP course (Desteni I Process Pro). Invaluable!

PROBLEM: It started when I went to a meeting in which there was a woman speaking of her experience with an addiction. As I listened to her story, I became increasingly angry at her. I reacted with judgement, blame and comparison, and engaged in backchat like, ‘stupid woman, what an idiot, doesn’t she learn, how dare she loose her children just so she could drink/use, how selfish, I wasn’t that bad, I did not loose my children, I raised my children!’ Definitely, superiority there.

This woman was volunteering her time, to share/be completely vulnerable in front of a fairly large group of people, I did not know her at all, I really needed to get out of the house and was glad there was a meeting (12 Step Meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous) close by that I could walk to. So why was I so angry/reactive? I fell into the trap of, ‘…separating you from others in your own Mind with believing your own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions more than actually getting to know a person.‘ There she was going through the timeline of her life and I was moving too fast in my own quantum mind, bringing all my memories throughout my life with me, I did not stop and consider all she had to deal with, within her own mind pre-programming, how she experienced herself moment to moment, where she came from-the economic conditions and emotional parental support or non-support she received, her parents emotional state, etc. I know I experienced it as ‘painful’ to listen to her story, I felt pity for her/her mom and anger toward ‘the system’ for how and where they had to live. There it is…I experienced myself as inferior to ‘the system’ and reacted with a hopelessness/helplessness and giving up like, ‘its to late for them’ and ‘oh, we’ll never change this country so people do not have to live this way, I hate the abuse poverty creates for women and children’ even more specifically, ‘she had no chance from the start, I hate her story, it’s completely unfair, just a birth lottery, she did not deserve this, that girl/woman who was born on the ‘other side of the tracks’ who grew up safe/wealthy did not deserve it any more than this poor woman did…’

superior womanI found it very painful to hear her story , I was experiencing myself as inferior to the situation (young single mothers and poverty) and reacted with pity and a hopelessness. So….as my mind became more overwhelmed/did not want to experience this emotionalnegativity any longer, it simply switched gears to a positive energy experience, by going into superiority/seeing myself as more than, where I connected the emotional reactions of anger, blame within backchat like, ‘omg, well, it was her own fault, stupid woman, she never learned, she made the same mistake over and over, oh brother, how could she do that to her children when she grew up that way? I was a better mom to my children, I didn’t do that…’

I have become increasingly more aware of this pattern (of allowing/participating in internal gossip) over the last few years, as I attend AA meetings, where I go into superiority and react with judgement, anger, blame. Then, when the meeting is over I ‘feel bad’/guilty about my reactions. When the talk is done and I thank the speaker, I genuinely wonder, ‘why was I gossiping about them in my mind? What was I so angry about? They put themselves out there for me tonight, I must stop doing this. I am genuinely grateful to them. I understand they are walking a healing process just like I am!’

This is unacceptable to me now. I have seen this pattern long enough. I now understand it is me following/believing my own mind-carrying the past with me as I listen to a speaker-and then validating my judgements with more backchat. I realize this takes work: it is not comfortable/takes considerable effort to remain with breath/body in awareness in each moment, like it is ‘hard/difficult’ but that is not what is important here. The DIP, from consciousness to awareness, is a relatively new process for me and I can see the more I do it, the more it becomes natural, like a new programming within me, I can also see the obvious, that stopping this pattern of reaction is best for me, the speaker and best for all, thus this is what I commit to do.

To continue with the solution, as changing myself within, by stopping this pattern of reactions, thus changing myself without.

Investigate http://www.desteni.org

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sandymac
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DAY 338: CHANGING MYSELF IN MOMENTS:REACTIONS OF SUPERIORITY

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... riority-2/

For proper context to this post, please read Reactions of Superiority: PART 1

From Part 1: It is interesting, recently, just as I was reflecting on how the main point/main personality that I have to face and transcend in this lifetime was inferiority, I had 3 incidences in one evening with strong reactions of anger come up, where I experienced myself as SUPERior. I can see how my mind jumps, from one polarity to another, within reactions of inferiority to superiority (or visa versa) in a quantum moment, in order to hide my true nature from myself.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to become judgement and as judgement think, ‘Wtf, why does she keep making the same mistake over and over again!?’

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself believe my own vicious backchat-as internal gossip, ‘…separating you from others in your own Mind with believing your own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions more than actually getting to know a person.‘ with thoughts like, stupid woman, what an idiot, doesn’t she learn, how dare she loose her children just so she could drink/use, how selfish, I wasn’t that bad, I did not loose my children, I raised my children!’

Within this, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself experience myself as superior to the speaker at the AA meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous), where I connect the emotional reactions of anger, blame, judgement, spite, andcomparison & engage in pictures/imaginations and memories, all from the starting point of my own the past, in relations to what this woman was sharing.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the initial reaction of sadness/pain/ coming from the starting point of FEAR, as I experienced myself as inferior to the situation/hearing this woman’s tragic account of her life, like I couldn’t change it /control it, I was cringing in my seat, I made faces like ‘oh god, when is this torture over?’ sighing and squirming in my seat, but as I looked around for ‘support’ lol to catch another’s eye I could see everyone was sitting/listening quietly, respectfully, patiently…(I realize inside some could have felt as I did).

Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that because I did not enjoy this sad, fearful experience, which was really just how my mind was interpreting reality in that moment, my mind wanted to go to a positiveexperience, as in not wanting to feel so down/blue/heavy so I allowed my mind to jump to the positive energetic experience, within a false sense of empowerment, AS ANGER.

To continue

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sandymac
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DAY 339: REACTIONS OF SUPERIORITY 3: LIVING THE SOLUTION

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... -solution/

For proper context to this post, please read Reactions of Superiority: PART 1 & 2

From Part 1: It is interesting, recently, just as I was reflecting on how the main point/main personality that I have to face and transcend in this lifetime was inferiority, I had 3 incidences in one evening with strong reactions of anger come up, where I experienced myself as SUPERior. I can see how my mind jumps, from one polarity to another, within reactions of inferiority to superiority (or visa versa) in a quantum moment, in order to hide my true nature from myself.

Living Commitment Statements:

When and as I see myself participating in judgement while listening to another share their story at an AA meeting, with thoughts as backchat/internal conversations I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to get out of my mind and ground myself in reality here. I realize I cannot trust my reactions, as they are merely energies mostly based on the past as memories. Memories which I have stored/altered/changed the content of as time has gone by, and my interpretation/perception/assumptions, instead of actually getting to know this person in space and time of the physical. I remind myself to slow down, HEAR the words they are unconditionally sharing to assist and support me/others, and to practice real time patience, understanding, gratitude for the courage they are showing, by speaking in front of a large group of people.

When and as I see myself existing within and participating within an experience of superiority, where I connect the emotional reactions of anger, blame, judgement, spite, and comparison & engage in pictures/imaginations all based on past memories-how I have programmed myself-I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to get my head out of the clouds and back down to earth and focus on the words she is speaking, to not only listen but hear her. I understand she is from another part of the city, it was a cold, snowy night and she may have traveled by public transit, yet she came after a week of working, it is difficult/intimidating to speak in front of a group of strangers. I also realize it is to not judge another but to understand and most of what I was accessing, in my mind is my own assumptions/interpretations/perceptions and I really do not know this woman! Thus, when I see my mind start to chatter at a AA meeting, I commit myself to whisper or voice silently in my hear ‘slow down’ and/or ‘calm’ and focus on the speaker and my own breath, using patience, kindness, humility, treating another as I would want to be treated if it was me up there sharing my story.

When and as I see myself suppress an initial reaction of sadness, coming from the starting point of FEAR, as I experienced myself as inferior to the situation because I am helpless to change it/remove a person’s pain I stop, I breathe. I realize by going into emotions and then suppressing it does not change the facts of what this woman had to endure so is useless, also this woman is sober now and has improved her life, as in her living conditions/physical and emotional state/financial state greatly, she has the supportof the group (AA) today and is showing much courage, strength and humility by sharing her story. Thus, I commit myself tostay out of my mind and be aware of myself/body/breath when hearing another share.

When and as I see my mind to jumping, within the polarities of inferior-as a helplessness/sadness of what another has had to endure in life- to superior-through the illusion of control, manifested as the false positive energetic experience of anger I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to focus on what is real before me/what is going on in the physical. I realize it is not the individual I am angry at but the world systems. Thus, I commit myself to changing this reality/world as how it currently exists within entrapping the disadvantaged, by limiting their opportunities for enhancing/bettering their lives based because they do not have money, this I do by promoting a LIG (Living Income Guarantee).

Personal Growth: DIP: https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Participate in Live Hangouts: A Living Income Guaranteed LIG: http://www.youtube.com/LivingIncome

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sandymac
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DAY 340: RE-DEFINING ‘INDIVIDUALITY’

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... viduality/

Here, I am sharing a word re-definition of what it means to be an individual. This is a process I have learned through taking an online course, Desteni I Process Pro-see links below. Throughout most of my life, this is something I have struggled with, feeling boxed in during my childhood, I simply did not know who I was or what I was capable of. I felt/experienced myself as ‘less than’/not good enough/inferior to others and was suspicious, even jealous, of people who stood out within a confident individuality. I lived in fear of life/others and so chose to hide/stay ‘out of harms way’. I saw another’s talent as threatening as they were ‘special’, they stood out amongst a crowd but did not identify this specialness within myself. I also saw how this individuality/specialness was most often ‘unfair’ as these people seemed to be rewarded for a quality they were ‘born with/inherited’. Hiding, either alone or one of many in a group, was the only way I knew how to exists-stay safe- but if I am invisible, how will I cope/survive in this world, in my own isolated bubble? Hence, in this post, I explore the word and re-define it.

INDIVIDUALITY

SELF’S ALLOCATION POINT: The state of being confident to the point of ‘showing off’, where one is insensitive to others within showing off their superiority, causing another to feel inferior/less than, within who they are either inside and outside, so ie. From expressing freely/comfortably laughing/sharing and/or having expensive clothing/the latest fashion/hair/car/etc.

DICTIONARY DEFINITION: the particular character, or aggregate of qualities, that distinguishes one person or thing from others; sole and personal nature

SOUNDING: in-division , duality

division: the act or process of dividing; state of being divided. separate parts/separation

duality: the state or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy– 2 parts

ENERGETIC CHARGE OF THE WORD: I have given and lived this world within a negative charge.

CREATIVE WRITING: I can see I have pictures/imaginations coming up from high school here. In how I have lived this word so far in my life, I see blame/judgement of another, no self-responsibility, I also see self-blame and much INFERIORITY. I experience this word with a reaction of jealousy, from the starting point of comparison and competition, like when I was a child/youth, I felt very afraid of the world and people and would meet someone/see /hear someone who seemed whole/confident/happy‘in their own skin’ kind of thing and I knew ‘I am not that/do not have that within me’ but desired to be that/like that person. I felt controlled by my parents, as ‘who I should be/how I should act ‘ to please them thus not ‘get in trouble‘. So I was shy (I used tothink this shyness was strictly intimidation and fear) . I now understand, I did not know myself, had never explored my own expression much, so I was not comfortable experimenting and/or standing out in any way. Thus, I backed off from people /stayed in the shadows when I was young and then hung out with those who did not intimidate me as I got older. Whenever I did ‘try ‘ to be something else/do something new in front of others I felt like a fake, like I had to fake it, I found alcohol ‘helped’ me feel free and moreconfident and used it for this purpose for many years.

WRITING THE DEFINITION: Bernard told me once: we are individual yet not separate: A person expressing differently yet freely, in a holistic way , meaning within the idea that the whole is more than merely the sum of its parts, so in consideration of the whole, without an idea of specialness or separation/division, within knowing we are all part of the whole and so inter-dependent, each individual being/person effects all other parts of humanity.

REDEFINING THE WORD AS A LIVING expression OF SELF: How a person unconditionally lives their unique expression, from one moment to the next, within a genuine sharing, care and consideration of the whole, standing as an example as what it means to be life.

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Personal Growth: DIP: https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIProcess

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sandymac
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DAY 341: COMPARISON & COMPETITION

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https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... omparison/

Before I continue on with more superiority points, I need to take a step back and examine some comparisons that have surfaced, specifically yesterday. Three days ago I started getting ill, with flu like symptoms, they were quite severe, although I was not throwing up, my body did eliminate everything in it and I was terribly nauseous, weak, tired, perhaps with a fever (or increased menopausal sweats) and overall felt incredibly sick and had to spend most of Monday in bed and Tuesday taking it easy and eating very light. Although I am feeling better this morning, I can see that my being and body relationship has changed, within walking this process from consciousness to awareness, and I cannot indulge in building up energies reactions-whether subtle or severe or whether positive (feelings) or negative (emotions), without a quantum physical consequence, of quickly becoming overwhelmed and my stomach being upset/nauseous.

For anyone who experiences anxiety/overwhemlingness, I highly suggest listening to the Atlanteans 269: Overwhelmed: Back to Basics. After hearing this audio, I realize I require, once again, to slow down so I can direct these energies instead of allowing them to overwhelm me in moments, so I am able to walk my real time process instead of having to ‘go to bed’ because I am so ill.

I was feeling pretty good yesterday, then two points of comparison and competition came up in my mind, in the afternoon which overwhelmed me back into the reactions of nausea and (menopausal) sweats. The first was a feeling of ‘less than’/inferiority while watching someone do a video presentation where I victimized myself/bullied myself by participating in self-beliefs and self-judgments with backchat like, ‘X is better than me, I could not do that, I wouldn’t have the words/knowledge, I don’t have that ability to talk for so long on a subject, and X is better looking/natural beauty and I am not, X is smarter than me, I am not as valuable as X, X does important things/contributes in important ways, I do not, I have to focus just on myself, X is ‘ahead’ of me in process, she’ thinks she’s so great, I can’t compete with X.’

Within this, was also competition and comparison in relation to my children (about same age to X) within reactions of jealousy and desire with backchat like, ‘I want my kids to do videos like X does, why does she get to do these videos and not my kids , L and R are awesome too, I want L and R to ‘shine’ like that, to look so generous and benevolent, I fell short as a parent…’
compare. Then I went to practice playing the piano and singing- in full awareness- a few songs I wrote. I fell into a thinking pattern where I imagine marketing one of the songs to tv series, in which I take myself from excited to disappointed and defeated, imagining the promotion company is not interested. I do this by comparing and competition, thinking my song will not be ‘good enough’/contemporary-today-hip enough–even typing this I feel pain tension in my upper arms and extremely nauseous! So, here I go swinging from one polarity to another, both extreme, first within the positive with high ‘hopes’ and expectations as positive backchat like, ‘this would sound awesome with a choir in the background, this would sound awesome with this actress singing with a simple acoustic’, then to the negative within reactions of giving up before I even start, ‘it’s too late, your music is not ‘today’, they won’t like the theme/lyrics, it doesn’t exactly suit the show’ carrying all the past with me, memories/pictures/self-beliefs.

To continue

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sandymac
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DAY 342: COMPARISON 2: CAN COMPARISON CAUSE ILLNESS?

Post by sandymac »

https://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... ssillness/

Please read Day 341: Comparison and Competition for context to this blog post. From part 1: …two points of comparison and competition came up in my mind, in the afternoon which overwhelmed me back into the reactions of nausea and (menopausal) sweats. The first was a feeling of ‘less than’/inferiority while watching someone do a video presentation where I victimized and bullied myself by participating in specific self-beliefs and self-judgments…

As these reactions of comparison and competition arise, I find I am going into a state of overwhelmingness. For anyone who experiences anxiety/overwhemlingness, I highly suggest listening to the Atlanteans 269: Overwhelmed: Back to Basics

So I will examine these reactions within the thought: ‘They are better than me, I’m not good enough.’

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to think, ‘they are better than me, I’m not good enough’ and to hold this as a self-belief within and as me. In this self-belief, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself-often before I even try one step-in relation to speaking about politics/economics and in relation to songwriting.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear that I am inferior to X ( while watching X do a video presentation) & inferior to other songwriters/musicians/performers, where I participate in pictures and imaginations in my mind & where I victimize myself by falling into self-beliefs and self-judgments with backchat like, ‘X is better than me, I could not do that, I wouldn’t have the words/knowledge, I don’t have that ability to talk for so long on a subject, and X is better looking/natural beauty and I am not, X is smarter than me, I am not as valuable as X, X does important things/contributes in important ways, I do not, I have to focus just on myself, X is ‘ahead’ of me in process, she’ thinks she’s so great, I can’t compete with X.’ And in relation to songwriting within imaginations and backchats swinging from the positive to the negative like, ‘‘this would sound awesome with a choir in the background, this would sound awesome with this actress singing with a simple acoustic’, to ‘it’s too late, your music is not ‘today’, they won’t like the theme/lyrics, it doesn’t really suit the show’

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and compete with X, in relation to myself and my children, like we do not ‘measure up’, we are not doing as important things with our lives.

Within this, I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional reactions of jealousy, anger, regret, self-judgement, self-blame, all adding up to becoming overwhelmed, where I then go into a state of rushing like, ‘omg I have to do something/change so I am worthy, so I am accepted, so they ‘like’ me, so I ‘fit in’ , so I feel validated, so I know who I am!’

Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that I am connecting the idea of time, within a self-limitation that there is not enough time, where I inferiorize myself to the task at hand, as in improving/perfecting a skill.

Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that it is the comparisons- and competition within them- that I am allowing to sabotage me, where I jump from polarities of experiencing myself as superior to inferior in my imaginations, so I am moving too fast.

I forgive myself for not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to place too much emotional pressure on my body, where I am not aware how with each unstable breath as thought/emotion/feeling, I am accumulating more and more suppressed emotional energy, until the body cannot handle anymore-there is no more room!-causing the body to get ill as it is forced to release this energy through sweats and severe nausea (flu like symptoms), with the consequence that I cannot continue with my daily responsibilities.

To Continue

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