Fidelis Journey to Life

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Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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Day 285 -How do you expand your comfort zone?


http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... mfort.html

I wrote previously on how some of us get stuck in our ways, in doing things a specific way and always following the same patterns. Another point that comes from this is never trying something new that is outside your comfort zone.

In our lives we have created zones. And in our comfort zones we like to stay. Anything that might bring us out of these comfort zones we will stay away from. For example for me personally my comfort zone is being by myself and stepping out of that comfort zone is being around allot of people.

The problem with comfort zones is that if you stay there you will never expand yourself. You will stay the same, because you keep on doing the same things and never venture out to explore new things. Sometimes opportunities present themselves to me, they come along and then I have an option to choose – but sometimes these opportunities will take me out of my comfort zone and thus I will not take it and rather let it pass.

That is why the comfort zone can be so dangerous to stay in. The point is to not be stuck in your comfort zone, but to expand the comfort zone. But before you can expand it you need to first step out of it. If I use my example again, being around allot of people is outside my comfort zone, so what I do is put more effort to engage in large groups where possible so that I can learn to become more comfortable around a group of people. Then what happens is that I will eventually build confidence and become comfortable and thus I would have expanded my comfort zone.

It’s like this with all things. We really like our comfy zones and do not want to get out of it. It’s like being in a nice and warm bed and needing to wake up, but it’s so cold and dark outside and you really just want to stay in the nice and warm bed. Wake up and get up – Expand that comfort zone. Life Begins and the end of your comfort Zone

Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... esire.html

Relationships – Why Desire will be the end of you.

I know the title may sound a tad bit dramatic, but so is life so sit back and relax and continue reading – you just might learn something. We all have this – the desire to be with someone. It becomes more prominent in our teenage years where most of that time is spent on chasing or finding “ THE ONE”. I know I had my fair share of chasing and trying to find somebody to love. It’s a dangerous thing really – Desire - and I’ll show you why.

Desire is something that will completely direct and control your life. Desire is such a feel good feeling that we simply give into without much fight. Desire is something that will override any common sense or particular principles you live by – you simply forget all of that and follow the desire no matter where the road ends. That is what makes Desire so dangerous – you lose direction in your life by giving in to desire.

I’m sure many of us had those moments – where the point of desire stares you right in the face and all you have to do is give in, lean in and grab it – no matter the consequences. And at that moment all common sense fades away and it just feels right.

For me it was a girl, a long time ago. You know the story: Boy meets girl, they become best friends, after time they become more. The only twist was that the girl had a boyfriend. Now I am what you would call a nice guy. I always saw myself as a person who would not date a girl who already has a boyfriend, but my desire showed me otherwise. I remember what went through my head – what made me do it. This desire for relationships simply took over any reasoning or common sense or morals or principles I lived by – I simply said F**k that and gave in. And so began a secret behind the scenes relationship rooted from desire.

So that’s a simple example of Desire. The problem with Desire and what makes it so dangerous is that it’s something we really really want. We do not want to look at it objectively and let it go when we know it will not benefit our lives or who we are. Instead we want to chase that desire, that feel good feeling. When it comes to the desire for relationships – we meet someone and we really want to make it work – simply because we desire having a relationship. What most do not see here is that it’s not the other person they actually like, but it’s the idea of having a relationship that they are after. So in the end it has very little to do with the actual person you found, but rather its all about having the desire of relationship fulfilled.

And that is no way of actually living – chasing this desire or idea of relationship. Would it not be better if it was real? Curing aloneness is not by being with somebody else. Chasing relationships is not the answer to filling the emptiness you feel. The first step is getting to know yourself, and being comfortable with yourself, and caring for yourself and loving yourself.
A real relationship has nothing to do with fulfillment or desire – it’s taking responsibility for another being and supporting them to be the best they can be. Now, what does that mean exactly? Let us see the answer in the next blog

Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... -will.html

Family – Why this desire will destroy your life

This is so deep rooted within most – the desire to have a family. How many women and men out there dream about their perfect wedding from a young age? Why would this desire be the end of you? What makes this particular desire so dangerous?

One on my favorite Comedy TV shows is Scrubs . One of the characters ( Elliot) is your stereotypical girly girl. Ever since she was a kid she had dreamed of her perfect wedding and already had a book dedicated to wedding plans in case she ever gets a proposal. In one of the episodes she is engaged to a guy and having doubts whether she should marry this guy or not and asked advice from her friends. At one point a guy asks her a very important question: “Do you really want to marry this guy, or do you just want to be married?”

She had this desire to be married from a very young age as most people do. It’s something that’s ingrained from a young age – the purpose of life is to get educated to get a job to have money to raise a family and then die. So Elliot realized that she does not actually want to marry this guy – but that she just wanted to be married. It was not about the guy at all – only the idea of being married.

Just like the desire for relationships – it becomes all about the desire to be with someone no matter who it is. The same is for the Desire for family – it doesn’t matter who it is really it’s not about the actual person you are with but more just the idea of being married. And so many people compromise themselves and their lives just for the sake of fulfilling this desire. The desire takes over and all common sense and what is practical and all sense of living principles go out of the window. It all becomes about the desire. What makes this so difficult for people to see is that we find any excuse or justification to make our desires a reality and in the end we are completely controlled by it.

Again – this is not real. Would you not rather be in a relationship that is supportive and not based on a need or desire? IF your starting point is desiring a relationship then all you have is a relationship with the desire. I will end with this from my previous blog and continue with it in the next:

A real relationship has nothing to do with fulfillment or desire – it’s taking responsibility for another being and supporting them to be the best they can be. Now, what does that mean exactly? Let us see the answer in the next blog

Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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Day 289:Desire is the downfall of many relationships - how to make it REAL


http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/#sthash.rIqx3CmR.dpuf


Desire is the downfall of many relationships if not all. It’s because of this desire that you will overlook certain aspects of your partner just to keep the relationship going. Let’s say your partner tends to show irritation with dogs living in your house and do not like having them in the house. Now you really like this relationship of yours, so instead of keeping the dogs in the house you will keep them outside when he is around. This is a compromise and the reason behind this is fear – fear that this point will cause further conflict and might end the relationship. And so the poor dogs suffer because of your particular desire for relationships.

To live in fear like this – the fear of losing the relationship – is keeping you from expanding who you are and growing. Here is one the Principles that covers this:

“Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one.”

When it comes to supporting another person to be the best they can be there will most definitely be conflict involved, because that requires a point of change and with change there is friction since it does not come easy. So when your partner shows irritation to having dogs in the house and do not want them there – a point of support would be to find the source of the irritation. To open the point up and look at why dogs in the house cause irritation. Let’s say after some self-investigation and pushing and support from the other partner the reason for the irritation is a childhood memory of the partner’s parents who shouted at him whenever he let the dogs in the house. And throughout the years he developed that irritation within himself and projected it onto this situation.
And so you support the partner to overcome this irritation. This is what support means. It is to assist and support each other no matter what. Even if it will cause a bit of conflict – even if it means staring the person in the face and showing them what they are doing is unacceptable – to help them each other through it.
That is a real relationship – one with the sole purpose of assisting and supporting each other. Not because of some desire to have someone on your life or to fill an empty space in your heart, no. Being in a relationship is a commitment you make and a path you walk together to grow and expand. That is the real Deal.

Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... -life.html

“The Milgram experiment on obedience to authority figures was conducted by Yale University psychologist Stanley Milgram. They measured the willingness of study participants to obey an authority figure who instructed them to perform acts conflicting with their personal conscience.” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment

This experiment was redone by the Curiosity series and what they have founds is that most of the participants continued the shock administration despite not wanting to – they simply did what they were told by the authority figure.

What this showed is that most people will give in to Authority and obey despite their moral confliction. We can sit here and judge the participants and tell ourselves that if we were there we would not obey, but stand firm and say no to shocking, but that is not really true. The fact is that you would most likely have simply obeyed. We are doing this already.

From the very moment we enter this world and start participating we have accepted this world the way it is. We did not question why we needed to buy food, or why there are so many homeless – we simply accepted the system, never questioning it.

But what is authority really? Is Authority enforcement? Domination? Fear? Anger? Control? It’s not to control or to dominate or to enforce your will onto others – that is how authority is currently being abused in this world. No, that is not what Authority is. What does it mean to have Authority? What gives you Authority?

An example would be learning something from another. Let’s say you want to know how to plant a tree, and so you get someone who has the knowledge and experience on how to plant trees. Here this master tree planter shows you carefully how to do this tasks and the reason you are listening and doing what this master is showing you is because He has a greater understanding of the task at hand. And put simply that is what real Authority is. Its leadership based on supporting another and showing/teaching others what you have learned – you have the experience and within that you’re well versed with this task and thus have the Authority.

Don’t look at Authority and think about this world system or Law or police force or Government or fear. Those things are limited and abused expressions of the word authority. Real Authority is all about supporting others and yourself and sharing/teaching others things you have learned and have experience in.

Participate in the Weekly focus of Authority - find out more here: http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php? ... 202#p58202
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Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... esign.html

We all have our preferences to styles and types of clothing we like. Sure it’s sometimes mostly based on ideas created behind the point or social influences, other times it’s based on what is practical. For me I prefer wearing simple plain clothing.

Back when I was a teenager it was a different story. I was into whatever was cool based on social influences. I was a surfer/rockstar wannabe so that is the clothing I wore. Had to be branded clothing. But as you know – things changes when you grow up and now clothing is simply soothing to cover my birthday suit.

Throughout the years there was one thing that did not change and something I brought with me since childhood – I will never wear a Vest.

With working around the farm your clothing does not last very long so every now and then I need new shirts. So off I went with my girlfriend and at the store she places a vest in my hands. I immediately and firmly announced my displeasure and told her I will not wear this. We walked og there with a few new shirts and the Vest.

I did not even realize at that point what my issue is with a vest until I looked at it. A memory came up from when I was very young I found a box of clothes and in there was a vest, I put it on and went about my day. My parents saw me with this vest and they were all like “ wow, look at those muscles” and “ look at how strong you are”. I got fairly irritated with this and decided there I really don’t like vests.

What I did was linked wearing vests to people who want to look strong and show of their muscles. Like an Ego thing. And from There I avoided wearing Vests.

It was only recently at the behest of my partner that I started wearing Vests again ad I got to say – when it comes to a very hot day a vest is much better to wear that a T-Shirt ( What?! Really?!). So all those years I was sweating on hot days with my T-Shirt I could have worn a nice vest, but I created this idea and belief about the Vest and lived with that idea for many years.

So what beliefs and ideas are you living with currently? It’s hard to determine, because you already firmly believe it is real. Only way to find out if it’s real or not is to tests it out for yourself .
- See more at: http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... iUZ3u.dpuf

Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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#HoldACokeWithYourBoobsChallenge is now a thing

http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2015/0 ... lenge.html

The Internet did it again.The #HoldACokeWithYourBoobsChallenge is going viral. Woman taking selfies holding a can or bottle of coke with nothing but their boobs is apparently a bid to raise awareness of breast cancer. The irony here is quite thick, because those who had breast cancer and mastectomies will never be able to hold anything up.

Showing your Boobs and how much of it you have and your ability to hold up a can of coke is more like a slap in the face to those who had a mastectomy. Not to mention that coke itself is not a very healthy drink…

The reason this is getting so much attention is simple, very few men would not want to see a woman showing off her breasts. It’s the height of narcissism to post half-naked selfies for their own sake but it’s also pretty duplicitous to claim you’re doing it for a valiant reason.

Even the Breast cancer foundation had this in response:

“Breast Cancer Research Foundation does not support this campaign and we do not plan on accepting any donations from this campaign. Breast cancer is a serious global health issue that impacts millions of women and men around the world and we believe that breast cancer should not be trivialized.”

There is no problem with raising awareness for a cause or to help a cause, but the Boob challenge is not the way. Rather do something that will actually help. Many woman do not know how to check for lumps that could be a sign that’s its cancer. Instead of putting a coke between your breasts a better option would be to do an educational video on how to check for lumps or something like that. Unfortunately even that will become more about the sexual part ( BOOBS) than the actual educational part, but still would be better than what is currently going on.

To sum up – if you are going to do something for a cause make sure it will actually benefit and help the cause. The #HoldACokeWithYourBoobsChallenge is not helping anything, only narcissism…

Fidelisspies
Posts: 284
Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 11:10

Re: Fidelis Journey to Life

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Day 295: Day How Self-Judgement Of Singing Limits Your Life - See more at: http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/#sthash.WZvy7fyT.dpuf

My whole life since playing music I always saw myself as unable to sing or rather not very good at it, even though I really liked singing. What I did do is only sing when I am alone by myself where I am the only one who can hear, but I never had the confidence to sing in front of others.

There comes a point in your life where you simply need to say" F**k it! I'm singing and don'’t care who listens". Recently I started working on some cover songs to practice my voice and since really pushing and practicing I have found that I became better at singing to a point where I can say that I am able to sing. So all I needed to do was to practice singing to become better at it. Now, I have been a musician for many years and it never occurred to me that I can actually sing – why is that?

The reason is simple, I carried a self-judgment about my voice and that belief of me not being able to sing is what kept me from developing my singing voice. It is like picking up a guitar for the first time and trying to play it – you are going to be bad at it, It will be silly to then judge yourself as being a bad player that will never be good at playing guitar. It takes dedication and practice to become good at any instrument and your Voice is simply another instrument.

That is something I missed – that my voice is simply another instrument and that I never took the time to practice and develop it to become better at singing. Instead I Judged myself as being bad at it the first time I tried. And thus I allowed a simple self-judgment to keep me from doing something I really like doing.

There so many points within ourselves that we judge. We carry so many self-judgments that are limiting us and keeping us from expanding ourselves. How many self-judgments do you have? Here was an example of one simple self-judgment that affected me for many years so imagine what all your self-judgments are doing to your life. Time to stop them and give them up and Live!



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