Jozien's Journey to Life

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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 07 Nov 2012, 16:06

Day 160 - Relive
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-160-relive.html

This blog is related to
Day 158 "The Flow of Things"
Day 159 The Flow of Things Prt2


When and as I see myself go into evaluating the flow of things - I stop and I breathe- in the realisation that evaluating and valuing the flow of the mornings through a positive/negative judgement only creates unnecessary anxiety within and as me, and so I commit myself to teach myself to value the flow of things aligned to that, which is best for all in all ways, which is the value of Life.

When and as I see myself go into evaluating the flow of things - I stop and I breathe - because I realise, see and understand that I am accessing a construct of mind, which is not serving me and thus all and so, - I commit myself to redefine the value of the flow of things and how I can live this practically into being.

When and as I see myself go into evaluating the flow of things through assigning it a positive or negative value - I stop and I breathe- in the realisation that I'm creating energy to express self through and when not clear I align myself to that which, best for all through writing and scripting the correction accordingly and so, - I commit myself to expose the nature of evaluating my observations and experiences as the flow of things and eradicate and delete: valuing the positive and dis value the negative within and as me.

When and as I see myself go into anxiety as fear losing the positive value I have given to the flow of things - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I am only creating havoc inside me and sabotage and compromise my self- relationship and in this, I commit myself to no longer allow to abdicate my self-responsibility because I have now seen, realised and understood that fear of losing a positive value is indicative of me not understanding wtf is going on and through this, I furthermore commit myself when and as I am faced with fear of loss to immediately kick my ass to sit with self and realign the misaligned within and as myself through writing the correction to walk into and so I walk from moment to moment getting to know the nitty gritty of me and how I came about as the agreement I commit myself to in the realisation that this is best for all life.

When and as I see myself go into anxiety when evaluating 'the flow of things' during the mornings - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that I give value to 'the flow of things' looking through a filter of reality overriding that which, is real as the automated pattern repeating the past over and over again and so, - in this, I commit myself to teach myself to express the value of Life as breath as life.

When and as I see myself go into valuing my morning through through a polarised filter - I stop and I breathe - I flag point it because I have now seen, realised and understood that when my self-worth is connected to a value I assign to self I enslave myself to it and so, - I commit myself to teach self that there is only one value that is in fact of any value, which is the value of life.


When and as I see myself holding my breath - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that when I am holding my breath I am not aware of my breath and so I commit myself to train and teach self to become aware of my breath to enable self to get to know self as it.

When and as I go into the feeling of being relieved as in phew this morning went smoothly without too much fuss and so on - I stop and I breathe - because I have now seen and understood the illusion of this perception of relief and so,- I commit myself to train self to immediate see and distinguish the difference between mind and physical and furthermore I commit myself to redefine the word relief.

When and as I go into the emotional experience of relief connected to evaluating my morning/days/life/people/self - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I'm accessing a fear within and as me and when necessary when not clear I sit with myself to get to a point of clarity through writing and scripting the solution to walk into.

When and as I see myself go into a fear of losing the positive experience of self - I stop and I breathe - because I realise I haven't yet allowed myself to investigate this point within and as myself and so I commit myself to write the fear out and write out the self forgiveness to defuse the energy bodies attached to it and furthermore write the correction to walk into.


I will continue tomorrow with investigating an ideal I am holding about the 'ideal' morning.



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 07 Nov 2012, 16:07

Day 161 - Wake Up Zombie
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... ombie.html

This blog is related to
Day 158 "The Flow of Things"
Day 159 The Flow of Things Prt2
Day 160 Relive



In the previous three post I have been writing about evaluating my mornings, I actually do so when being 'on' our school/work schedule. So, - it's interesting to look at this connection and thus I asked myself what's behind this point and how did I came about as it? I've been working on "waking" in a mind construct, which is part of the Desteni Pro course and this revealed as all mind constructs the multiple underlying/hidden patterns, yet there is more to walk.

The point that specifically drew my attention and which raised a red flag so to speak is the experience of fear when evaluating my day. Fear of losing the positive value I had assigned to the 'flow of things' of the morning, which was a bit off to me in relation to 'only' losing this value so there had to be probably more to it. I know by now that I can't figure this out through a process of thinking trying to figuring it all out in my head.
This point can only be walked through taking self responsibility which starts with the process of self forgiveness to eventually get to a point of clarity about who one is within it to enable self to change and realign oneself as the correction.

I will thus start walking through the experience of self within:
The mornings, waking and going to sleep these are intrinsically connected.

Being aware of e.g, how one is experiencing oneself is merely the beginning, we have the tendency to wipe it off like "yes I know yes I see, yeah I have been aware of it" yet this process requires real courage to actually start at the point where you think it ends, being aware is the beginning of one's walk not the end! All is really in reverse!
Destonians do start at: Being aware of oneself and one's world and from here start the Journey of Life, which is 'finding' yourself again through writing to enable self to take back self- responsibility point by point by walking backwards until its very origin.

I start grasping that this is the only way that one can measure one's standing as one is walking one's self creation back and change it breath by breath undoing it through realigning it breath by breath exactly the same as I have walked it into being.
This is the only way one can become a trustworthy being that can be trusted with Life and so I walk next to those that committed themselves to walk the Journey to Life.

I furthermore realise that this process and how I exist within and as the words, experiences I have lived into being as the current expression of myself, layered in and as multiple dimensions. It will take years of absolute dedication, steady fastness to consistent train and teach self to an absolute standing because of the physical change this process requires, I must walk and realign to eventually change the flesh as the absolute correction.

I will start walking the self forgiveness/self corrective statements in relation to The mornings, waking and going to sleep in the following blogs to come.



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 07 Nov 2012, 16:09

162 - Hurry, Hurry, Hurry Up
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/162 ... ry-up.html


This Blog is related to:

Day 158 -"The Flow of Things"
Day 159 - The Flow of Things Prt2
Day 160 - Relive
Day 161 - Wake up Zombie

This is part of a series about: The mornings, waking and going to sleep and who I am within it.

Fear:
"Fear of being late for school"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being late for school with the loss of my mother and in this, I forgive myself that I have connected these two points: being late and loss of my mom to furthermore integrate it as fear of being late and connected it to being an outsider and a misfit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being a misfit with always being late, observing myself biking alone to school with no other kids biking with me and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel utterly alone and lost when biking alone knowing that I was late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being late with the emotional experience of being alone
I commit myself to delete and eradicate this memory within and as me to no longer allow to connect being late with a memory and therefore this memory has to go.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at that stage started to lose grips with and as reality through the loss of my mother connected to how I experienced myself in relation to continuously being late for school with no solid platform to change this pattern due to the radical shift and changes in my daily life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected the experience of shame within and as myself when being late for school
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being late with shame as I experienced when being late for school, getting a note at the rector's office entering the classroom alone and being the exception while all others were already seated in the classroom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected she’s to pity b/c she has lost her mom with being late for school and thus being excused because of this event.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse myself because I pity myself because of the circumstances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my circumstances as an excuse of being late.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create circumstances to be late and thus to be excused and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT have investigated this pattern within and as me because that would have shown and revealed that this pattern is not serving me yet keeps me bound to the past and to realign this point I have to change for real.

Hurrying and Anxiety
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from the moment I wake up in the morning participate and exist within the experience I must hurry we are late we will be late, we have to be on time, I don't want to be late and in this measure the time on the clock minute by minute in order to be on time and not late for school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get up in the morning knowing that I have to hurry otherwise I will be late

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this same pattern over and over again being annoyed, irritated, anxious about it and through this, I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to change this pattern through investigating how I came about as it for real.

Waking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get up when my alarm goes off because I feel that its still too early to get up.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep another 30 minutes knowing that this will imply that I have to hurry yet I care more about sleeping another 30 minutes than to immediately get up in the morning when I wake up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that even when I sleep more that I still will be on time and thus deliberately create the I am in a hurry character to express myself through without even knowing why and how I have been creating it.

I commit myself to understand how this morning character came about and so I commit myself to eradicate and delete this character within and as me because I realise and see that's not serving me and actually damaging me and my children alike.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even know how I ended up in the I am in a hurry character from the moment of waking to the moment of getting the kids to school and thus constantly create and generate energy to express myself through and then reflect on 'the flow of the morning' - like OK this is successfully being done and so exist within and as this character generating only energy to express myself through and pass the hurry up character onto my children through daily repetition without even knowing wtf I am actually creating and manifesting as its consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the hurry up character because I still see myself as an outcast and misfit, which I know create through not getting up immediately in the morning and so actually recreate the memory of my mother’s dead wherein I was not able to get up in the morning and always been late, where I ended up as the Hurry up character because I was being late and make this into my total being as my flesh wherein I need to hurry up connected to not wanting to be seen as a misfit, outsider, not wanting to feel lonely as I did when biking to school alone and getting the" I'm late note at the rector's office feeling utterly ashamed and embarrassed and thus actually still exist within that same creation of I'm ashamed of my actions and deeds for being late and out of shame I have created the hurry up character instead of seeing and realising the common sense of being on time because at this stage being on time is required for the system to work and I live in this system and agreed on this system to exist as it does so I have to walk the being late/on time point into completion so I enable self understand to what I agreed on as the agreement I am part of of as all living beings/things on this planet in order to understand myself as it and whether its best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed when being late.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this point of fighting the shame within and as me through the I am in a hurry character because I didn't yet allow myself to see, understand and realise how I as this point came about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep and repeat the memory of the past because if I would let go of the shame I would create a clean slate and stand in front of myself starting clean and fresh again and this is something which I haven't yet allowed to give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up this memory of self and instead hold on to fear and shame.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I thus only exist within this one moment in time where I have been creating this point to constantly exist within and as it through it and to do this everyday again.

So,- during the evenings I go to bed just a bit late, which initiates the hurry up character for the next morning to play out. Then, I am going to snooze creating to be in a hurry yet just enough to be on time and all I have to do, has to be done in a very fast pace. During the mornings there is no time for anything else the absolute necessary things because I need to hurry, hurry, hurry up which generates a lot of energy and anxiety within me, like shit there is not even time to have a proper breakfast or time to drink my coffee at a normal pace. Followed by an immense relief that I'm on time when all is going 'well' meaning we are all on time.

Furthermore feeling guilty about not going to sleep when I know I have to, every day I 'steal' time by not going to bed at the time I set for myself, to get the sleep I need the be rested. It's still the same point as when I was a child where I felt that I couldn't take proper care of myself, wherein I experience that I can't even take care of going to bed and getting up properly and, now going to exactly the same routine again with the kids attending school.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist in exactly the same point when I was fifteen years old, feeling that I can't take care of myself because I can't even get out of bed on time doing what I set myself to do and in this, I commit myself to realign this point within and as me because I realise and see how I am trapped in time through and as this belief I hold about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a belief that I can't take care of myself because I have connected this to being late and oversleeping when being around 15/16 years old where I constantly overslept because there was actually no one that really took care of me and through repetitively events of being constantly late for school I now connected and created self judgement about me not being able to take care of myself and based my entire outlook/self relationship on this point judging myself and the whole experience attached to it wherein everything feels heavy and dark outside myself as myself and where the world is a place I can't connect to/ with and not root myself into and as because I allow this one point to exist within wherein I judge myself to such an extent and keep myself down in this only one point of extreme self-judgement of not being able to take care of myself not seeing, realising and understanding that at that stage I was a child with no one to look after me, guiding me to teach me to have a reference to and as this world and that its not necessary to go into self judgement.

SF specific memory
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have imprinted the look on my teachers face when I wasn't able to answer all these question about the exam as I am a being, person that must be pitied because of her personal circumstances as the loss of my mother yet we still abide to the rules of the exams so therefore I need to give you a bad grade and in this, I already saw and realised that even when the person sees the exception the condition of the individual the system will aways override all exceptions and circumstances and when I don't follow the rules of the system I will not be part of this system and by seeing this in the moment of being in that room made me only sink deeper into self-judgement for not being able to cope and abide with the rules set in this world: being on time is being part of this system and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this moment imprinted an intense disgust as self judgement that I wasn't even able to cope with such a simple point as getting up in the morning and being on time and thus getting good grades and therefore went into absolute self judgement and self hatred about it because I felt like a total outcast and loser and connected thus these characters with not being able to cope with the reality of this world and its 'harsh' rules.

Self corrective statements/commitments to follow.



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 07 Nov 2012, 16:10

Day 163 - Trapped in Time
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -time.html

This Blog is related to:

Day 158 -"The Flow of Things"
Day 159 - The Flow of Things Prt2
Day 160 - Relive
Day 161 - Wake up Zombie
162 - Hurry, Hurry, Hurry Up

This is part of a series about: The mornings, waking and going to sleep and who I am within it.

In this blog Self corrective statements/commitments related to last day's Self Forgiveness

Fear:
"Fear of being late for school"

When and as I see myself fearing being late when - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I'm using/expressing myself as anxiety as fear as the starting point to move myself in an attempt to Not be late in a constant allowance of being trapped in time existing in one memory of the past over and over again and so, I commit myself to get out of the trap of the alternate reality of how I have been creating myself as walking the mornings within the illusion of walking up while in fact I'm trapped in time as the patterns I have been creating to live through and thus furthermore I commit myself to wake up for real.

When and as I see myself go into fearing to be late when preparing my day - I stop and I breathe - because I now have seen, realised and understood the nature of the anxiety of this fear within and that I as all don't need to generate energy to move myself through my mornings, being on time because I simple didn't yet allow and teach myself to move and direct myself as breath.

When and as I see myself go in to fear being late and I go into the anxiety of hurry, hurry, hurry up - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that I am sabotaging and compromise myself and thus I commit myself to continue the process of the zombie that's waking up towards one's reality and truly wake up and start my day without any filter of reality to express myself to, without any projections unto my reality to express self through and ground myself back here in and as breath


When and as I see myself go in to fear being late because of the experience I fear when being late I resonate feeling alone, feeling lost and not part of the deal- I stop and I breathe- in the realisation that the starting point of how I ended up hurrying in the morning isn't serving me yet entrapping me and therefore I take self responsibility for realigning: being on time from the starting point of breath as life to get to know myself as it and so I commit myself to eradicate and delete the starting point of energy and realign self to and as the breath of life to start with a clean slate and recreate self from the get go aligned to that, which is best for all as how it should have been from the very start when walking into this world and so I continue my walk and stop the cycle of what I left behind to start seeing the reality of me for real.


When and as I see myself go into creating circumstances wherein I actually already know that if I start doing 'this' than I'm deliberately creating being late - I stop and I breathe - because I realise, see and understand that I'm creating the hurry, hurry, hurry up character to indulge myself within to actually always live the statement: I'm excused due to circumstances which I hated and despised in my past to now live the opposite of what I wanted to be into being every time I abdicate my self- responsibility and sabotage/ compromise my self-relationship and therefore I stand here in the realisation that self love, self care and self nourishment is me taking care of me and through and as this, I commit myself to no longer allow myself to 'wallow' in and repeat the past because I realise see and understand that what is done is done and can't be undone yet I walk through that which can not be altered or changed to bring self back into the here as/of breath to walk out of the pit of endless repetition I have created for myself bringing self back into as reality and furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the loss of my mother as the relationship connection I have created and accumulated over time as something that would re-mind me of 'her' giving me a sense of safety and security as the relationship connection I maintained through mourning about loss of my mom as not being able to proper take care of myself without her as my mom and in this, I forgive myself that I somewhere down the line adopted the idea that a child can't live without her mother as what society dictates and all others around me where silently resonating when being faced with me while I just had lost my mother at a very young age.

I commit myself to let my mother go as the relationship connections I have created to keep the string alive every time I participate within fear of being late I sabotage and compromise myself through honouring 'her' as the relationship connection not yet seeing and realising that I honour energy as the substitute of her within an alternate reality wherein I have lost track with reality already a loooooooong time ago and in this, I commit myself to bring self back here in and the physical reality and realign this relationship connection with my mother to that, which serves life for real which includes me, my children and 'her' and furthermore I commit myself to face self with the absolute proof within every moment of deconstructing self that I'm the engineer of this version of self there is no one else that have been breathing for me and that I as all one am responsible for undoing it and so, - I continue my walk.

When and as I see myself go into fear of being late - I stop and I breathe- because I have now walked through layers/dimensions of the creation thereof and I see, realise and understand that I create energy as anxiety as my starting point of fearing being late for school/work in relationship to avoiding the negative emotions of shame and embarrassment wherein I still haven't allowed myself let my mother go, didn't yet allow myself yet to care for me in the realisation that I did not yet allow myself to take care of me and that it is OK to take care of me and that I don't have to 'take care' of me through and as my mind while she isn't here anymore and that I'm allowed to delete and eradicate the relationship connection I have created over time to accumulate much energy and friction within as the expression of myself during: The mornings, waking and going to sleep as the relationship connection towards my mother to relive every day as the living hell when accessing the multiple characters connected with being late trapping myself in time in order to keep the illusion of a mother I never had alive as the daydreaming zombie I have become.

me and mothers and loss is quite a story in itself and I will share that if time allows it someday in a blog post

I commit myself to eradicate and delete all relationship connection I've created towards my mother and furthermore I commit myself to truly grow up and become my own parent, my own mother and my own father in the realisation that what I give to myself I can give to others.



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 07 Nov 2012, 16:11

Day 164 - Thirty Minutes
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... nutes.html

Day 158 -"The Flow of Things"
Day 159 - The Flow of Things Prt2
Day 160 - Relive
Day 161 - Wake up Zombie
162 - Hurry, Hurry, Hurry Up
Day 163 - Trapped in Time


Fear of being late after waking

Hurrying and Anxiety
When and as I see myself go into anxiety when seeing the time on my phone- I stop and I breathe- because I now realise, see and understand that I generate friction within and as me through charging myself as energy to repeat and exist in the patterns of the past instead of living here in and as/of breath and so,- I commit myself to train, teach self to start my day without the patterns of the past without charging myself as energy yet to wake up as breath to forgive the past for what should have passed yet is here as this version of self and what it has been manifested as consequences as the window of opportunity to see, become aware and eventually will oneself to change until its done.

When and as I see myself go into anxiety by getting worked up, heighten my voice, getting anxious, not even feel the substance of the food I'm preparing not allowing self to be in and as the breath when making breakfast - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that living my commitment into being: I change/stop myself as the pattern and realign self to eradicate anxiety as the starting point of my mornings which keep me enslaved to the relationship connection that bind me to the past.


Waking

When and as I see myself go into - well I can still manage to be on time when I just sleep another thirty minutes conveniently avoiding that I in this decision create that I have to hurry through my mornings and within this decision I decide for my children to hurry with, which is not best for all in the relationship so therefore,- I commit myself to delete and eradicate the relationship connection towards the hurry up character because I realise see and understand that if I value this mind relationship above the real physical relationship and through this, I'm harming all in the relationship and furthermore I commit myself to first take self responsibility for self which enables me to expand to walk responsibility for my children as part of the relationship/partnership within my world because that's what I would like to receive from my mother when being a child.

I furthermore see realise and understand that I can't change that which I don't understand I have seen and observed within myself that without absolute clear understanding of the mechanics of the working of the construct of one's mind and what one is dealing with one will per definition bounce back to the initial programming, all attempts to change will be flawed because one is looking in the wrong direction by not taking responsibility for the self created pattern as the dynamics behind it that makes us all tick.


When and as I see myself go into - I have another 30 min and I will still be on time - I stop and I breathe- because I see and realise that I value the play out of the automated pattern more than taking care of me because if I would take care of me I would not harm myself or others and actually this is what I'm doing over and over again by not stopping participating in the pattern ignites through "I have another 30 min and I will still be on time" creating every morning when the kids attend school the "I'm in a hurry" character and so, I commit myself to delete and eradicate the relationship connection I've created with waking, creating the I'm in a hurry character because I realise that every time I postpone to care for me as all I'm harming within the relationship, children and self included.


When and as I see myself go into 'stealing time' when I need to go to bed because of the amount of rest I need to be well-prepared and rested to be effective within the day to come - I stop and I breathe- because I realise, see and understand that I'm on auto pilot already creating the hurry hurry hurry up character as the point friction for the next morning to express self through keeping me bound and enslaved to this automated pattern, creating my own living hell being enslaved to this one single point every time I go to sleep and wake up in this world to continue expressing self as the organic robot that has no power that is only a battery for the system to continue to survive and so,- I commit myself to when and as I see myself 'stealing time' thus ignoring the reality of me -to stop and to breathe - to touch my hands and push self through the automated pattern to change and bring myself back here in and of this physical reality as the action that is required, which is stopping 'stealing time' and start preparing myself to go to sleep as the physical action/expression of self care/self love, which is best for all in the relationship.

When and as I see myself go into - I have another 30 min and I will still be on time - I stop and I breathe - because I see and understand the pattern that ignites this thought and its evil nature and in through this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see no harm in doing so and actually experienced it as giving 'something' to myself, and assigned a positive charge to allowing myself to sleep another 30 minutes not yet seeing that all is in reverse and that when that 'something' isn't investigated because it just feels good one will be slave to the positive experience and thus trust the positive feeling within self and others without questioning or investigating its real nature and so, I commit myself to no longer allow to blindly trust feelings, actions and deeds that I assigned/given a positive value in the realisation that a value must be the value that serves all relationships other wise it cannot be valid.

When and as I see myself go into - I have another 30 min and I still will be on time - I stop and I breathe - because I have now seen and realised that I'm busy creating the "I'm in a hurry" character through allowing self to sleep another thirty minutes while I don't have time to do so and furthermore I see, realise and understand that I have been wasting my mornings and thus my life by holding a belief that I just did something 'nice' for me for giving me another 30 min. while knowing that I would have to hurry while all the while the only thing I did in fact has been sabotaging self and compromising the self relationship by every morning going through exactly the same point, participating in exactly the same pattern, believing that I'm waking up when opening my eyes while all the while the first thing I participate within is continuing the slumber of the zombie state by accessing the first pattern of the day not yet grasping that waking up in fact is yet to be walked.


I commit myself when and as I see myself go into - I have another 30 minutes and I still will be on time while seeing the time on my alarm when waking up - I stop and I breathe - and start pushing myself to physically get myself out of bed, which is the action required to do realign the automated pattern of self compromise and self sabotage which I have now seen and walked through within writing preparing the way before me and so I walk out of the mind into and as the physical action as self love, self care within the self relationship as the commitment I walk into being to realign myself in all refractions I to that which best for all in all ways.


When and as I see myself go into self judgement and disgust about the outflow of being late and constantly being in a hurry - I stop and I breathe - because I see and realise that I have created the outflow as my self-experience and thus can undo it by taking self responsibility for it and thus change it and in this, I commit myself to no longer allow myself to abdicate my self-responsibility and bring it back to self to start investigating how I ended up in self judgement and self disgust in the realisation that when I care for me, I want to know the nitty gritty of me and how I ended up like I did.



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 07 Nov 2012, 16:12

Day 165 - Trusting the Positive
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... itive.html


The previous blogposts Touched upon a point that I want to explore more, which is the point of trusting positive feelings to such an extent that I don't even question these feelings because I absolutely trust that these positive feelings are harmless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the positive feelings that come up and exist within and as me as the absolute truth of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can blindly trust the positive feelings that come up and exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to genuinely believe that positive feelings is 'who I am' and something to strive for in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically decide for that which makes me feel good, because that feels comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have questioned the positive feelings that come up and exist within and as me and blindly trust them as being part of who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that in this reality everything is in reverse and that the positive cannot exist without the negative and thus creates the negative in fact and vice versa.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that giving in to thoughts that make me feel good without understanding or questioning the nature of these thoughts I in this care more about feeling good than about understanding 'who I am' within it and in this, I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to really care and love self because if I would in fact care and love self I would want to get to know myself as the positive feelings inside before blindly trusting the positive within and as myself and in this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mistaken feeling good, feeling positive with self-care and self-love without understanding of the words as expression and its manifestation and in this:

I forgive myself that I have automated myself to connect self-love and self-care with a positive feeling without actual understanding of the fabric of a positive feeling and in this:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to express, care and love for self without understanding/investigating the connection with a positive feeling these words hold within and as myself and how this came about.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that giving to self isn't a feeling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect giving with a positive feeling within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a belief that positive feelings within and as myself are innocent and hold no harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the words innocence, and harmless within a positive feeling.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise, see and understand that the positive feeling of self care and self love is actually the lack thereof within and as self and through this, I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself yet to love and care for self in fact and in this, I forgive myself that I am part of a world that promotes self love and self care as a fluffy, fleeting, positive energetic experience with no real substantial application to it other than satisfying the happiness addiction to creating and maintaining the positive feeling.

To be continued with self corrective statements.



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Nov 2012, 15:26

Day 166 - There Is Nothing To Feel Good About
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -good.html

The previous blogposts Touched upon a point that I want to explore more, which is the point of trusting positive feelings to such an extent that I don't even question these feelings because I absolutely trust that these positive feelings are harmless.

I continue with the Self Corrective statements and Commitments here from yesterday's blog entry Day 165- Trusting the Positive


When and as I see myself go into following a positive feeling - I stop and I breathe - because I realise and see that I blindly follow a feeling within myself without investigating its nature and so,- I commit myself to investigate the positive feeling within me through writing to get self to a point of clarity to enable self to see for self the outflow of participating within the positive feeling instead of blindly trusting that, which has not been investigated or understood whether this positive feeling is in service of all and if not to align it to that, which is in fact best for all and not a quick fix to cover up the real nature of what one is lacking within oneself with a positive feelings inside.

When and as I see myself go into trusting the positive feelings within the relationship connection towards self, actions, people, stuff as the daily reflection of my world/reality in order to survive - I stop and I breathe - because I see, realise and understand that I connect a positive feelings towards self, actions, people, stuff with trust, which I have now seen and understand that it cannot be trusted or followed in fact without harming self and others as self and furthermore creating the emotional experience of the negative so,- in this I realise that one can not strive for the positive without actually in fact creating the negative towards self, actions, people, stuff as the daily reflection of one's world/reality in order to survive and so keep perpetuating the wheel of good/bad polarity while self is trapped, running inside the wheel not knowing WTF one is actually doing other than following 'orders' to keep the quest for the positive alive and furthermore I commit myself to expose where I connect trust with a positive feeling and blindly follow it, believing that it is me and so,- I commit myself to unlock self of the prison cell I placed myself within driving the wheel of polarity trapped within one's own illusion.

When and as I see myself value a positive feeling as a real actual experience of self and act upon it - I stop and I breathe - because I have now seen, realised and understood that valuing a positive feeling as one's starting point to move oneself is in fact presenting the 'good' to cover up the 'bad' and therefore I realise that I need to delete, and eradicate the positive feeling within and as myself through first understanding the mechanics of it to understand and enable self to realign it and so I commit myself to eradicate and delete the positive feeling within and as myself to enable self to expand and walk as example to expose and reveal the real nature of positive feelings and its creation as the manifested consequences as this world.

When and as I see myself go into the automation of comfort during the moment I make a decision e.g. to stay a bit longer then planned when seeing a friend b/c it makes me feel good KNOWING that this decision will mess up my daily schedule and thus already create the negative polarity of the decision which is irrational in its nature and got nothing to do with self love/care because who creates conflict and friction in one's own house other than a fool and thus - I stop and I breathe - because I commit myself to love self, to care for self in fact because that's whats best for all and so I push self to access who I am, who I can be, who I decide to be in the moment of valuing the positive feeling above self love/care in fact and so I commit myself to teach and learn self to express self love and self care and educate myself that self care and self love got nothing to do with a fluffy energetic positive feeling inside and that all is really in reverse and so I continue my walk as the expression of real self love/self care into being as that's whats best for all, grounding myself here in and as the breath as real self care and self love.

I see, realise and understand that self love and self care has to be walked as an absolute within my self agreement as the commitment with/as and to life which I walk into being and that I can't accept anything less than absolute self love/self care in fact of self because that's what I would like to receive from others and being a mother that's what I walk into being for self to enable self to give to others/my children that what I would like to receive and so enable self to become the living example of/as self care/self love in fact for self and others as self in the realisation that I can't show my children that, which I don't live in fact.


When and as I see myself go into an automated state of "feeling good, I feel good and feeling positive about others" - I stop and I breathe - in the understanding that this is not serving me/all and that as long I feel comfortable in this automated state of being I do not walk yet the uncomfortable state of existence as our creation one and equal into alignment and so, I commit myself to strengthen my walk to NOT hold back through hiding within the COMFORT zone because I see, realise and understand the cry of this existence is beyond any comfort zone and thus I can't be satisfied or feel comfortable in fact and so,- I continue my walk as the commitment to investigate the allowance of positive feelings within and without and so,- I commit myself to strengthen my resolve through depicting, understanding and eradicating the positive feelings through a process of writing the correction in the realisation that reality shows us that there is nothing to feel 'good' about.


When and as I see myself accepting and allowing the positive/negative to exist through projecting in onto my reality as "this is just the way it is" - I stop and I breathe - because I realise, see and understand that this is the way I as all have been creating it and thus start investigating my reality through writing and depicting the real nature of the positive/negative play-out and its manifestation so I enable self to Stop myself when participating within it because I have now seen and understand that even though I took note of the polarity play-out as a point of knowledge and information I still wasn't able to see the automation of this acceptance within and as my physical actions because this pattern of trusting the positive already resides within and as my flesh accumulated and manifested as it through time and every breath I took in its creation and so,- I see realise and understand that in undoing the acceptance and allowance as my flesh I have to walk backwards to enable self to eradicate and delete the allowance and acceptance of positive feelings and all the words attached to it, which has been carved in and as the flesh and so,- I commit myself to rid myself from the shackles of the past through deleting and eradicating it from my flesh to replace the quest of my life with the purpose and value of living that, which is best for all in fact until its done.

To be continued



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Nov 2012, 15:27

Day 167 - There Is Nothing To Feel Good About prt.2
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -good.html

The previous blogposts Touched upon a point that I want to explore more, which is the point of trusting positive feelings to such an extent that I don't even question these feelings because I absolutely trust that these positive feelings are harmless.

I continue with the Self Corrective statements and Commitments here from yesterday's blog entry
Day 166 - There is nothing to Feel Good About related to
Day 165- Trusting the Positive



When and as I see myself e.g, feeling good about a certain outcome as a fluffy energetic experience within - I stop and I breathe - because I realise, see and understand that this fluffy energetic feeling isn't serving self and is in fact harming self and others as self and thus I realise that I first need to understand how this point came about through a process of writing self forgiveness, self correction to its practical correction in the understanding that I access the accepted and allowed point as the mind controlled self which I didn't yet walk and so I commit myself to get to know myself as the creation of the positive feeling within and without to expand my awareness and self responsibility towards my self creation as/and the creation of this world and so I continue my walk, walking out of the positive feeling to strive for through a process of writing the correction that includes self forgiveness and its application and realign it to what's best for all in all ways as the purpose of my walk.


When and as I see myself go into "Well it's OK to give this e.g, small break to myself because it makes me feel good when I care for myself within the seemingly small points during my day - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that in order to be sure that what one knows as self nurture/self care expressed is in fact real and aligned to one's commitment, one must access the moment and investigate whether this expression of self love/care is in fact in support of self or harming self and thus, I commit myself to ask myself in the moment of expressing self love/care to check if my starting-point is in fact best for all and can stand the test of time and if not to realign my starting point as self love and self care through a process of self reflective writing, self-forgiveness statements that one's starting-point does not harm self or others as self and so,- I continue my walk to understand how I came about trusting the positive within that creates without in order to eradicate and delete the automation of trusting the positive feeling within/without and furthermore I commit myself to investigate the word trust and its expression.

I realise, see and understand that I hold a belief about self love/self care as in giving myself a positive energetic experience.


When and as I see myself go into " It cannot be harmful because it makes me feel good" - I stop and I breathe - because I see and realise that I hold a belief about self love/care as in giving myself a positive energetic experience that I blindly trust and therefore I commit myself to when and as I see self go into trusting and being OK about the positive energetic feeling - to raise a REDFLAG and kick myself back to reality in the realisation that I just accessed self care/love self as an energetic feeling which holds no substance to it and so I commit myself to teach self when accessing the construct/pattern of self love/care of mind - to stop and breathe - to enable self to walk the application of correction.

I will continue tomorrow with writing out a negative experience.



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Nov 2012, 15:28

Day 168 - Negative Vibes
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... vibes.html

In the previous blogposts I have been walking the nature of a positive feeling within and whether these positive feelings are actually to be trusted and furthermore how I have been designing myself to not question the seemingly positive in any way and accept the positive as good.

As I was working on these points I had a talk with a friend and this friend has been quite depressed already for some time.

So,- while we were spending some time together during some days , I woke up one day like a bit in distress, feeling that there was something off yet I couldn't really pinpoint it down.

When re-entering the previous evenings/days I observed within me ever-so slightly -a stepping back - within and as myself through where I actually want to distance and run away from the participation because I had given the participation a negative value and interestingly enough - lol - it was not in my words yet within everything I express I actually want to withdraw altogether from that person and I would have said previous he/she is such a negative person, bad vibes, just not really a happy person, better to stay away before I get 'infected' as well...

Obviously I don't say this anymore yet I still live it as the automation of myself, it lies within my body gesture to be more specific the automated mind controlled me already has taken it stands towards it because of the relationship connection I have created towards a negative feeling within.

Whenever I encounter a negative experience of self when participating within my world, a red flag is raised and so I spiral into the automated play out of believing that the negative is something, which I must avoid and thus part of the polarity play out of accepting the positive as good, innocent and not to fear and the negative as bad, infectious and something to avoid.


In the next blog post I will continue writing the self forgiveness statements as part of preparing the way of the practical correction.



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Nov 2012, 15:29

Day 169 - Negativity Is Infectious
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... tious.html

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 168 - Negative Vibes
and related to a serie about trusting positive feelings


I continue walking through the point of rejecting the negative when reaction towards others wherein I slightly reject the negative and physically withdraw from those/that, which I perceive as negative.
It's interesting that this is now full automated because I already accepted a long time ago to stay away from the negative without really investigating it holding a belief that negativity is bad and must not be part of my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within a energetic negative charge towards negative emotions of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a relationship towards negative emotions within and without as something that must be avoided, is not to be trusted and something I don't want/desire to experience myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the negative in this world/reality/within myself and others as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid negative people and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the negative experience within me as an inconvenient matter, which I have to rid myself of.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually want to walk out of negative people because I believe that it may infect me as well, which is something I must avoid at all cost and in this, I forgive myself that as long as I walk out of the negative I'm a slave to the positive because I haven't yet allowed myself to stand absolute within and as the self commitment to investigate all things, until a point of absolute clarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to run away from and ignore the negative in my world because that's how I have been designing and thus accepted and allowed myself to be and become, which has trapped me within the polarity loop of attracting the positive, resisting and thus creating the negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that positive people have a positive vibe, which is OK and to be trusted and negative people have a negative vibe and thus to be avoided and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that positivity/negativity within an other is infectious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a belief that negative people make me feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those that I perceive as negative not seeing realising and understanding that which I judge I haven't yet allowed myself to investigate and realign.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being infected by other's people depressions and negativity not yet understanding that, which I fear I haven't yet allowed myself to investigate my relationship towards this fear of losing my stance when being faced with depression, negativity in others which actually shows me that I still fear the negative within and as myself and thus actually fear losing the positive and therefore I commit myself to get to know self in/as the relationship connection towards negative feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will lose my stance, my walk when being faced with negativity in others and in this, I forgive myself that I blame others for losing my stand rather than investigating which point within myself I didn't yet understand, walked and realigned turning projected blame immediately into self-support instead of a point of self sabotage and self compromise within one's self-relationship.

I forgive myself that I\ve accepted and allowed myself to resist facing/depicting judging the negative pattern within and as myself because I have automated myself to create resistance to not look into self as it and how I came about to remain locked and imprisoned within the positive/negative energy loop which serves the mind and therefore I commit myself 'to get self on the table' as this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my self relationship and sabotage myself within and as this point when being faced with negativity within others and in this, I forgive myself that I actually refuse/resist looking at the nitty gritty of the pattern behind it because that reveals the automated rejection of negativity as the allowance of the flesh created over an extensive period of time and thus must be realigned within and as the breath as the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lull myself to sleep with: avoiding to look at the obvious, which has been and will always be, taking responsibility for the experience within and that, which exist within and this has not been created through anything or anyone outside myself and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a belief that avoiding investigating the negative within is in service of self genuinely believing that I'm doing myself a favour by rejecting the negative feeling and in this, I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see , realise and understand that the application of investigating all is just doing that, investigating all, no point excluded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit off after spending time with a friend who I perceive as negative and depressed and in this, I forgive myself to connect others self experiences with valuing whether this relationship is actually benefiting me measuring the negative/positive input as energy to value the relationship and in this, I forgive myself that I haven't yet allowed myself to establish a real physical relationship with others without valuing others positive/negative energy 'input', which becomes thus the value of the worth of the exchange.

To be continued with Self Corrective Statements




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