Jozien's Journey to Life

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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Nov 2012, 15:30

Day 170 - Avoiding the Negative


This blog is a continuation to:

Day 168 - Negative Vibes
Day 169 - Negativity is Infectious
and related to a series
Trusting positive feelings


Self Corrective Statements and Commitments

When and as I see myself judging people because of their overall negative attitude - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that I am accessing a construct of mind allowing myself to loop within and as the polarity play out of the positive/negative loop.

When and as I see myself go into "Oh no I don't want to be infected with others negativity" and thus rather avoid such a person - I stop and I breathe - because I see, realise and understand that within this act I'm giving value to the negative and within this equally value the positive and thus remain within the polarity loop of valuing others as positive/negative energy providers, which I have now seen realised and understand that within this, I care more about feeling good as energy than Life and furthermore care about what kind of energy others are providing me with and in this, I commit myself to expose where and when, how, why, I give value to the positive by dissing the negative in order to eradicate and delete the pattern of valuing positive energy as good and negative energy as bad within and as myself.

When and as I see myself go into becoming heavy, feeling drowsy and wanting to withdraw from a person, things, stuff and my world because of a negative perception I hold about it - I stop and I breathe - because I realise and see that this is a habitual automated pattern to reject the negative and within this thus embrace the positive and so, I commit myself to flag point such moments when participating within my day- to- day living because I realise that I haven't yet understood or grasped the automation of this pattern within and as myself and furthermore I commit myself to realign the point of misalignment through introspective writing, writing self forgiveness and scripting the alignment as the solution to walk into as the corrective application.

When and as I see myself go into "I better should avoid this person because he/she is so negative" - I stop and I breathe because I realise, see and understand that I'm embracing the positive by rejecting the negative feeling/experience within and as long as I value the positive above the negative I'm co-creating the polarity loop of positive/negative and so,- I commit myself to expose, reveal and face the pattern of rejecting the negative within and as myself and furthermore I commit myself how I came about to reject the negative and embrace the positive without questioning embracing the positive and rejecting the negative feeling as the best thing to do for oneself while all the while not yet knowing in fact what actually 'the best thing to do' entails.

When and as I see myself run away from the negative - I stop and I breathe - because I realise and see that by attracting the positive I'm in fact resisting and thus creating the negative and in this, I commit myself to expose to myself that I have automated myself to attract the positive and reject the negative over an extensive period of time which I know have become as the flesh as the full automated organic robot and in this, I commit myself through a process of writing in a specific format as in writing self forgiveness and self correction to eventually walk into the realigned automation, deleting and eradicating the automation as my flesh until its done.

When and as I see myself run away from the negative - I stop and I breathe- because I realise that every time I run away I abdicate my self- responsibility and so,- I commit myself to immediately stop myself and either sit with myself to get to a point of clarity in writings or voicing self forgiveness out loud about what I'm factually fearing to lose and how I ended up holding on to the positive and through this, I commit myself to not hold back and become immediate in my process of correction.

When and as I see myself being OK with the positive vibe of others, stuff, environment, reality - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I now give permission to be 'infected' with positive energy and thus when and as I see myself withdraw from the negative vibe of others, stuff, environment, reality - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I now give permission to be infected with negative energy and so thus keep myself and others bound and enslaved to valuing a positive feeling above the value of life not asking oneself the outflow of such assignments and so, I commit myself to expose to self that I have automated myself as my flesh to care more about feeling good than to care about the consequences of permitting positive feelings to reign and through this, I commit myself to investigate how I/we came about as it.

When and as I see myself fear losing the positive feeling of myself when confronted with negativity in this world/others/stuff/environment and what not - I stop and I breathe - because I realise and see that I fear losing the relationship connection I have created towards the positive feeling and that I actually don't want to lose it because that would entail that I stand here as myself with no reference or platform to express myself through as the positive/negative experience and would thus imply that all I have been looking for, strived for, maintained and protected within and furthermore I would realise that the positive feeling within and as myself have been a lie from the get go and within this, I commit myself to continue walking the process of correction as this point.

I will continue tomorrow with the self corrective statements and commitments



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Nov 2012, 15:31

Day 171 - I Love Being Around Positive People
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... itive.html

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 168 - Negative Vibes
Day 169 - Negativity is Infectious
Day 170 - Avoiding the Negative
and related to a series
Trusting positive feelings


Self Corrective Statements and Commitments



When and as I see myself being OK with positive vibe of others, stuff, environment, reality - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I now give permission to be 'infected' with positive energy and thus when and as I see myself withdraw from the negative vibe of others, stuff, environment, reality - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I now give permission to be infected with negative energy and so thus keep myself and others bound and enslaved through existing solely as energy either this feels good or not so good, bad - not even asking ourselves wtf we are actually doing, wanting, desiring Energy being enslaved solely to a feeling within and chasing a specific good feeling like the ultimate drugs, caring ONLY about how others make me feel not realising seeing and understanding the consequences of one's participation and so, - I commit myself to expose to self that I have automated myself as my flesh to care more about how I feel/feeling good than of the consequences of permitting such feelings to reign within and without and through this, I commit myself to investigate how I/we came about as it.

When and as I see myself go into the automated state of fear being infected with negativity of others - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that I fear losing the positive experience of self and so,- I commit myself to expose the fear of losing the positive experience of self in the realisation that what I fear to lose is not yet standing in and as myself as an absolute point of self trust and in this, I commit myself to investigate self trust and fear of losing the positive feeling/experience of self understanding that fear of loss indicates that ones self-relationship as this point is in need of further investigation.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I want to hold onto the positive experience, feelings within because of the relationship I have created with feeling positive and actually do not exist other then existing through and as feelings because I 'believe who I am' is what I feel inside and thus exist within the automated self, who isn't able to see the automation because one has become it.


I furthermore see, realise and understand that I fear the negative in this world, I fear the inner experience of feeling down and negative, I fear losing feeling good because I fear in essence looking into myself, I fear standing in-front of myself admitting that I'm only and solely living/expressing and experiencing myself as and through energy, preferable energy that makes me feel gooooooood and thus chasing it, I fear finding out 'who I am' without energy to express myself through because that would reveal that one can start with a blank slate which, I thus again fear and furthermore probably the worst thing to do is to actually start taking self-responsibility for all as self, finally facing reality without the filter as energy, which obviously isn't a pretty sight and if we would have lived as/of the physical reality we wouldn't have been in need to express ourselves as energy either positive or negative because really, when did we start to pick up believing and started the hype that life equals positive energy while reality shows us that there is nothing to feel good about in any way and to bring it back to practical self support, I first have to bring this point back to self, 'who I am' within expressing myself as energy.

When and as I see myself fear losing the positive stance within when faced with negativity without - I stop and I breathe - I see and realise that I'm expressing self through energy which don't yet understand and grasp thoroughly in all dimensions of self and its play out therefore I commit myself to investigate myself as these points emerge within my walk to become aware through a process of self reflective writing, self forgiveness and scripting the correction to application.


When and as I see myself resist facing and walking the alignment of reacting towards negative energy towards others, stuff, things, self - I stop and I breathe- because I have now seen and understand that I fear losing the positive by looking into the negative and in this, I commit myself to get the fear on the table in order to realign it in the realisation that if I exist in fear losing something, then I got something to protect, which I see and realise does not serve me or anyone else and so I start depicting and getting to know myself as this point and investigate what I'm so badly protecting that I don't even want to look into it and suppress as it does not even exist and furthermore I enable self to eradicate fear of losing the positive feeling, believing that 'who I am' is a feeling or and an emotion and replace it with breathe, grounding myself back here in and as the physical and so I walk out of 'who I am' as energy into who I can be as/of breath.

When and as I see myself as a habitual pattern reject looking at the starting - point of reacting towards negativity triggered through my participation with others - I stop and I breathe - because I see and realise that rejecting negativity has not changed me into being a positive all the time - lol although I tend to believe this and furthermore it will not change the real actuality of this world and actually only creates even more 'negativity' as unnecessary consequences which can be prevented altogether by eradicating it from the root by walking backwards to its origin and so,- I commit myself to root out the habitual pattern of automatically rejecting negativity as the allowances and acceptances that became of/as flesh to cleanse the physical through this process of realignment from the pollution as energy that will eventually destroy this world, our children, this planet by polluting all and everything until there is no life left through our own doing as energy addicted insatiable babies crying for their milk as energy heading towards auto-destruction.

When and as I see myself believing that it can not really be that harmful to not immediately look into, investigate the negative within actually being OK with avoiding taking immediate self responsibility for the negative emotional experience within - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that I'm harming myself and others alike by not wanting to address what emerges within me because of a belief I hold about self care, seeing and realising that all is really in reverse in this world, because if one cares one investigates all things nothing excluded and do not settle for a belief and whether this is actually in the best interest of all and through this,- I commit myself to no longer allow myself to look the other way by avoiding the negative within as without.

When and as I see myself valuing others through the positive/negative input - I stop and I breathe - because I see and realise that I''m measuring the value of the relationship through energy and whether it's beneficial enough, provides me with sufficient positive feelings or in need to rid myself from the negative feelings this relationship provides and so,- I commit myself to realign my relationship in this world to that, which serves all in the relationship and walk with others as myself as physical substantial real relationships as what I agreed on to live into being to no longer allow energy as the drive of the relationship yet to see where I still react within the polarity loop as a window of opportunity to support and assist self to realign the misalignment and so enable self to eventually expand to assist others as self within and as the participation as the relationship connection we exist in so that all relationships may become best for those within it.



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:24

Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... ffair.html

This blog is related to:
Day 51 - Family Matters, Teach Them to Sinn as we Sinn
Day 135 - Family: The Root of All Relationships

When making conversation with some female acquaintances I observed myself shifting into a familiar pattern, the one of my past the experience I know so well, and actually don't really want to even re-enter it. I almost had forgotten that this actually exist within me and while I was observing myself shifting as my physical body my eyes were 'popping' up I stepped back within and as myself, I withdrew, I wanted to remove myself out of the conversation because I felt highly uncomfortable within and as myself and an overall experience of -I'm excluded- and how 'undefined' that made me feel.

The relationship with my sister popped up as the main foundation of how I interact with my female friends how I look at them and how I perceive women to be or not be. I observe it within the automated physical behaviour towards women and how I shift within me, I noticed this before yet I didn't really investigate it within and as myself yet.

So in this, I see how my mother has been the basic foundation as the blueprint of 'me' and that the foundation of the relationship I created with my sister is among things a platform of how I experience myself around women. I see that I have limited myself through the allowed patterns that bind me to the past. These patterns I live as self as energy and project it onto people/reality. I commit myself to walk backwards to the very first steps of establishing a relationship with someone other than my parents which is my sister and how this relationship has determined my current experience when being around women/girl -friends and whether this is best for all within it.


will be continued



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:25

Day 173 - Pop Up Slideshow Of The Past
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -past.html

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
and related to

Day 51 - Family Matters, Teach Them to Sinn as we Sinn
Day 135 - Family: The Root of All Relationships

I'm currently within my writings exploring/walking being part of a family and how this has shaped and created the relationship connections towards others/world this reality rooted and created within childhood years by observing and interacting with my parents and sibling(s).

SF on a childhood memory/memories when observing my sister and her physical appearance.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about female physical beauty connected to my sister's appearance when we were children that created a static picture in my mind about female physical beauty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about physical beauty integrated within and as myself when being a child through observing the outlines of my sister physical appearance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about physical beauty through watching and observing my sister's physical appearance, when we were children, creating the mind connection: - that what I'm observing as the pictures within and as my world - with an experience within, which I couldn't describe or voice or sound into words when being a child as no one walked and guided me through such points within my world and observations which would have given me a window to see that in the world of pictures certain equations rules and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my sister's physical appearance with a positive feeling and something I want to become myself some day when being a child and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given permission within and as myself at that very moment to replace a real self experience with my observations as a picture connected with an energetic self experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have doubted my self- experience when being a child not actually knowing how to place it within my world and how to handle myself as such. Because there wasn't anything or anyone around me that could explain to me what I was actually experiencing within and as myself and within this , I realise, see and understand the importance of re-educating parents how to guide a child aligned to the principle of what's best for all, giving as a parent what one like to receive which is establishing a self relationship first to ground oneself in and as the physical so one as a being will have a solid reference platform to develop self, so all children can live their fullest potential into being.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assign a positive value to this static picture in my mind about physical beauty through observing my sister.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value female faces as beautiful when it matches the picture of my past.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that by investigating and thus re-enter the moments of my past by bringing them here as myself as the practical applied awareness that all is here within and as my breath I give myself the opportunity to experience myself as child as the participant while observing my sister and how I really look at the outlines of her face and that in this very moment I integrate pictures of our reality into and as myself to as the basic memory bank to express myself through instead of remaining here in and as the breath because I now see, realise and understand that the picture can be seen through one's physical eyes yet the physical expression of self at that moment standing one and equal as that expression of another being can be applied in full awareness as the moments when I was observing my sister, being one and equal with the word beauty I attached to her not yet realising and seeing that this what I was experiencing inside was me and not in separation of myself and that I only through time started to integrate and become existing merely in and as separation of and as self through living the completion of separation and the relationship connections I created as it, which thus throughout time has merged with and as the flesh not even knowing anymore how I ended up as it while all the while I have been creating my own prison cell and thus also able to undo myself as it in the realisation that I have been creating self in this version and so I can undo myself from the invisible shackles of the past into a version that serves all life in the realisation that I have been creating every refraction of self and so I continue walking this process until its done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny what I feel inside when being a child when observing my sister because if I would have looked within I would see that there was self - doubt about what I was experiencing because I couldn't even believe that it could be me, self as self as her, simple expressing us as self, nothing to it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assign that what I observe to others and thus project it onto others instead of remaining here in and as the breath, simple.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into denial of what I am as breath and automatically make it complicated through finding, looking for a relationship connection to express self through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by not knowing how to do so because I didn't know it as a child so I still am a child within and as this point and in this, I forgive myself that I haven't yet allowed myself to mature and investigate/align the version of my childhood years with that ,which is best for all in all ways, becoming my own parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand the experience of myself when being a child because I grew up in the mess I left behind/created to walk into for children them going through exactly the same cycle of the ones that went before them and I'm one of those.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have embarked on motherhood/parenting before I actually could answer the question "who am I" and how I came about because in common sense this would imply that if I can't and do not investigate all things and settle for- "I don't know who I am" -I'm giving that, which I don't want to receive myself, never questioning whether I would like to be gifted with -"I don't know myself yet I give this to you" - and thus settled for reasoning my way out of it with hollow words - "this is the best I can give"- not yet knowing "what's best to give" in fact implies making simplicity complicated by unnecessary irrational reasoning.

To be continued with self corrective statements



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:26

Day 174 - Addicted to Pixels
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... ixels.html

This blog is related to

Day 51 - Family Matters, Teach Them to Sinn as we Sinn
Day 135 - Family: The Root of All Relationships

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
Day 173 - Pop Up Slidehow Of The Past


Self Correction
When and as I see myself engaging in approaching my world, outlines of faces , 'the graphic signature' of people, looks as pictures connected to a positive feeling - I stop and I breathe - because I understand and realise how I connect pictures with energy and thus allow self to experience self and others as energy instead of seeing others beyond the pictures as energy I see human beings made of flesh as pictures, being props on my individual stage of life for the sole purpose to generate energy to make me feel goooooood, rooted in this very first memory when observing my sisters face and so, - I started integrating to look at my world through pictures holding information.

Extended self forgiveness
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that when I am approaching my world through pictures, outlines, graphics connected to a positive feeling I thus allow myself to experience self and others as self solely as energy instead of seeing others beyond the pictures and the energy attached to it by taking all of them as the physical being into consideration instead of using the picture presentation of others as props on my individual stage of life merely to feel good about myself and in this, I forgive myself that I care more about how the picture presentation of others make me feel than about the being within the picture, which is within the image and likeness of our world wherein we project our mind illusion upon others not even seeing realising the being behind it within our insatiable quest of accumulating energy which makes us feel good about ourselves through judging others by the way they look and dress.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand the consequences of not being properly guided within my formative years wherein a child gets to know one's world and one's environment and through this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be part of a system that leaves children to themselves with no ground to develop a stable standing within and as this world, no explanation of the workings of this world, themselves, the fabric of emotions and feeling, the physical reality versus the one of pictures, the origin of physical pain, ageing and so on merely because the ones before them have no clue what they are doing, have no answers, living without any awareness what they are actually passing on by being fast asleep zombies themselves, and even being self-righteous about it as well - fools that we are.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the manifested consequences of my formative years while it is completely unnecessary to start like this when we would give what we would like to receive, living these words instead of being a hollow copy of a physical application through the illusion of the mind by not even knowing what application of knowledge actually entails as an action not as a knowing wherein we always place ourselves superior to what we know actually expressing that we're inferior to what we know because we can't even live what we know and are aware of and that's something we know - lol through the extensive brainwashing we have accepted and allowed ourselves and our children to go through wherein its very unlikely or almost impossible to get out without severe suffering and trauma, which is already evident within our world through daily seemingly random events of madness and insanity as the external expression of the collective mind of all.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that how my children look at this world is what they see, realise through merely watching observing me, the parent and each other and in this, I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to consider before having children to see, realise and understand that a parent stands within/as the absolute responsibility point of their children as the giver of life, which is in essence oneself and when this wavers, the child wavers, when this is not understood the child will not understand oneself and will accept this reality as it is becoming the outflow of the 'perfect' automated copycat.

to be continued



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:27

Day 175 - What is Real?
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -real.html

This blog is related to

Day 51 - Family Matters, Teach Them to Sinn as we Sinn
Day 135 - Family: The Root of All Relationships

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
Day 173 - Pop Up Slidehow Of The Past
Day 174 - Addicted to Pixels

I'm walking the timelines that are related and have been created through myself in my early childhood, formative years and how this has a ripple effect within and as every single point I exist off and thus co-creates this reality as it is.
Specifically walking a memory wherein I was a child observing my sister and her physical appearance and the outflow of this observation, here I continue with the self correction related to the links above.


Self Correction:
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to let the energetic experience of feeling good/bad connected to picture presentation of others determine the experience of self and therefore I commit myself to delete the very first memory when being 'mesmerised' by physical beauty and stored in over time within and as the flesh to create the energy experience of feeling good connected to pictures, when observing my sister and the way I experienced myself within the observation not being able to connect my observation to the picture I observed the outline of her face and so on and through this, I commit myself to eradicate this construct within and as myself so I may see others for what they are, which is seeing beyond the filters of the mind disconnecting and cutting the strings of pictures, the illusion of my flesh so I may stand as flesh, which is of life and of breath.


When and as I see myself go into approaching my world through pictures outlines, graphics connected to a positive/negative feeling - I stop and I breathe - because I understand that I'm accessing and expressing myself through a construct, which I have created and perfected and accumulated through a period of time, rooted in my formative years when not yet being able to direct the difference between pictures and here as the physical and thus stored the physical reality as a copycat/mimic illusion as pictures into and as myself to project in onto my reality whenever I'm in 'need' of and energetic charge which has now been and become the automated me and all 'I' exist off, feeding of the very thing that I copied, which is the/of flesh and on my way to deplete, destroy and abuse that what I'm feeding off as the 'I' that's operating the same as the eye, being a projector. And, so - I commit myself to delete and eradicate the operating system as the projector within and as myself through walking back the timeline of its creation and realign and re-educate myself to enable self to distinguish the difference between pictures and being here as/of flesh and furthermore I commit myself to longer allow and accept myself to store memories within a process of abuse yet to enable self to trust and live into being that all is here and can be brought here in one single breathe and so no need to store anything at all in the realisation that this is simply whats best for all in all ways.


When and as I see myself go into an automated state of not being aware of self and my physical reality when being with my children - I stop and I breathe- in the realisation that every moment within and as the participation when not being aware is a window missed to guide them as myself, seeing and understanding that, which I don't live and give to myself as the correction, I can't give to my children either and so - I commit myself to teach and train myself to walk here as breath being aware of the physical reality when being with my children, living, expressing awareness as the correction within every moment, bringing about self as a parent that's best for the child/parent relationship in fact, so they may expand and grasp their understanding of this world as/of themselves as I apply myself to and as expansion as/of myself.


In the next blog I will continue with self corrective statements



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:27

Day 176 - Photo Album of My Life
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -life.html

This blog is related to

Day 51 - Family Matters, Teach Them to Sinn as we Sinn
Day 135 - Family: The Root of All Relationships

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
Day 173 - Pop Up Slidehow Of The Past
Day 174 - Addicted to Pixels
Day 175 - What Is Real


I'm walking timelines that are related and have been created through myself in my early childhood, formative years and how this has a ripple effect within and as every single point I exist off and thus co-creates this reality as it is.
Specifically walking a memory wherein I was a child observing my sister and her physical appearance and the outflow of this observation, here I continue with the self correction related to Day 175 .



Self Correction:

When and as I see myself access a point of knowledge and information, telling myself- yes I see the point- connected to an energy rush within and as myself - I stop and I breathe - because I realise that my awareness is still of and as energy and thus I commit myself to push the awareness into and as application in the realisation that applied awareness aligned to that,which is best for all is what I committed myself to live into being within and as every breath and furthermore, I commit myself to teach and show my children the difference between being aware of mind and living awareness aligned to that, which is best for all into being as one's living expression.

I furthermore realise, see and understand that through adapting the picture presentation as the illusion of reality to be real, rooted within and as one's formative years, the vital importance of re-education ourselves to be able to teach our children to get to a clear understanding about the difference between pictures as the copy of the physical reality which we project onto/towards others and the real physical consideration as the living actions of another as ourselves.

In this, I commit myself to investigate and thus re-educate and teach myself to walk myself as my mind through investigating my childhood years and realign, eradicate and delete the pictures of the 'photo album of my life as my past' as the basic platform of the accepted and allowed illusions as self in the realisation and consideration that every relationship connection I created towards this 'photo album of my life' is not of life yet the perfect illusion thereof- The Mind is able to copy the Physical Reality in super detail.


I have seen and realised through these writings how observing my sister and her physical appearance when being a child has shaped the current version of self. Not knowing what I was actually seeing, experiencing within because of the nature of our families wherein we leave children to themselves, without explaining the practicality of living and the consequences thereof, allowing to let children lose with NO practical supportive platform to reflect upon or to 'handle' themselves because they have no clue as we have no clue how to express, live and that our words, thoughts, actions have consequences beyond the spur of the moment of our self experience of satisfying our wants. I could not have foreseen without the practical application of writing/sounding self forgiveness how a memory of the past could ripple its way throughout time to become the living flesh being co-ceator of this world.

I will continue tomorrow writing out another dimension of this memory - observing my sister- and the relationship connection I created throughout time as the main point that binds me to it, which is the illusion, a holographic of a real physical best for all relationship and how one holds onto to it, existing in fear of losing it.



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:28

Day 177 - Kill The Thing You Love
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -love.html

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
Day 173 - Pop Up Slidehow Of The Past
Day 174 - Addicted to Pixels
Day 175 - What Is Real
Day 176 - Photo Album of my Life


So I started of with writing about how I interact with women and how that makes me feel and multiple dimensions actually are opening up while doing so.
To bring it all back to a format that's doable to work with and at the same time walking the points that are touched upon I will continue here with an overview to give self clarity.


While working with a memory popping up about the overall experience when being with my sister when being a child while I was having a conversation with some female friends I actually could see that the relationship connection I created has been quite a 'complex' one I actually could see and understand how I replaced a real physical relationship with my sister and my mother with the illusion of having a relationship connection as the memory I'm holding about them. The main female figures in my life all left when I was quite young. I found within myself an extreme desire to hold on to the memories probably because I have not that many, furthermore I understand that I created out of particular positive memories, multiple characters to express myself through.

I start grasping the extend of how we're actually fucking ourselves within/as the illusion of having a relationship with others while in essence its just merely a copy of the physical reality and nothing more, which I then believe to be me, which brings me to the point of the religion of self and how to practically walk the realignment of the religion of self. And, how this religion of self has created the illusion of actually 'having' and owning memories because there is nothing that is real or of any substance about it and the memory actually owns you, all in really in reverse and, the 'painful' truth of the realisation that the very fabric of these memories I held/hold within and as me are nothing more than pixels/pictures that keeps one enslaved to the illusion in separation of self/others as self as an extreme desire to hold on to these memories.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the memory of my sister sitting in the living room come up and exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hold on to a memory of observing my sister when she was sitting in the living room.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given this memory a positive value within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this memory of observing my sister with beauty and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word beauty within an image of my sister and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to cherish and protect this memory of my sister because it makes me feel good and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a memory of my sister and do not want to let it go because of the perception that if I would let this memory go there would not be anything left of our relationship and in this,
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise, see and understand that a memory of a person is not an equivalent of the real physical relationship with that person and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have replaced the real physical relationship with people, others with memories stored within and as me as the relationship connection towards that specific person, which I project onto/towards that person/others and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to replace the real physical substantial relationship with and as others with an illusion of a relationship connection of/as mind wherein I can 'mold' the memories through creating through creating even more illusions as desires, wants, needs connected to the memories I hold within my mind to fulfil a need of a happy childhood, a happy relationship to satisfy the need of feeling good, to be 'happy' to be able to cope with reality not yet realising as a child the nature of the abuse and the consequences thereof of doing so, deceiving self, trapping self and others deeper into and as the illusion of the world/reality being a picture presentation a projection, a hollow container, a copy of reality not even seeing, understanding or being aware of the copy we have made of the physical reality and the consequences thereof.

I commit myself to investigate the memories I treasure, nurture and love towards and related to people I claim to love and whether this holding on to it is best for all in the relationship.


to be continued



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:29

Day 178 - Bye-Bye
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... e-bye.html

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
Day 173 - Pop Up Slidehow Of The Past
Day 174 - Addicted to Pixels
Day 175 - What Is Real
Day 176 - Photo Album of my Life
Day 177 - Kill The Thing You Love



When and as I see myself enjoy physical beauty when observing a person's face - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I'm expressing myself as/of the mind activated through the looks of person who locks into a memory of the looks of my sister, which I have given great value and charged positively and so, I commit myself to eradicate and delete this memory within and as me in the realisation that I'm solely whenever I'm faced with physical beauty reload this storage of a memory connected to a positive charge and happiness as energy to live and express myself through instead of being here in and as/of breath.


When and as I see myself 'disappearing' into/as memory - I stop and I breathe - in the realisation that I'm accessing the very fabric/building blocks of a relationship connection and so- I commit myself to immediately flag point such moments because I have now seen and understand through self introspective writing as part of the re-alignment as the correction - that memories are the 'gatekeepers' of a relationship connection as the illusion that thinking about a person is maintaining the relationship while in fact the only maintenance is that of remaining of and as the mind and furthermore I commit myself to eradicate and delete memories within and teach and train myself to no longer allow myself to store 'new' ones, collecting data/information as the building blocks for a relationship connection towards others.


When and as I see myself giving permission to indulge myself in a memory for the purpose of (re)charging myself energetically - I stop and I breathe - because I see and realise that I'm merely living out the automated self, the organic robot accessing a point that I simply didn't yet establish and walk for myself and so - I commit myself to immediately raise a RED FLAG to investigate the point within to enable self to walk the correction in the realisation that when I want to hold on to a memory I exist in fear losing it, which thus must be realigned.

When and as I see myself holding on to a memory - I stop and I breathe - because I have now seen, realised and understood the real nature of holding/clinging on to a memory, which is not serving me or the real physical person 'in' that memory, all is really in reverse - the very construct of clinging on to memories is the most evil thing one can do because by doing so one actually denies and overwrites the physical person with memory projections about that person and thus never is able in any way to see, hear or even take another into consideration and so, - I commit myself to continue exposing and studying the fabric of memories and how it came about to enable self to walk out of the Memorial of memories as the Headstone of ourselves into the realignment of/as breath.



I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have given great value to this memory of observing my sister and that I connected this memory with beauty and that I'm actually constantly when being impulsed with an image that I perceive as 'beautiful attached to a positive experience of self 'honouring ' the relationship connection with my sister as if I have to honour/worship/glorify the replacement of the physical relationship in order to have an idea of having a sister while I'm only reloading a memory of the past replacing the real physical relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that living through this relationship connection that I'm deluding myself and that I've been creating an illusion in my mind about having a relationship being a child not knowing wtf I was actually engaging within and the abusive nature of creating separation through the establishment of the relationship connections and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be part of a system wherein we leave our children to rot in ignorance with no practical guidelines about their inner workings as being part of this world.


to be continued



User avatar
Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 28 Nov 2012, 16:30

Day 179 - Echoes Of The Past
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -past.html

This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
Day 173 - Pop Up Slidehow Of The Past
Day 174 - Addicted to Pixels
Day 175 - What Is Real
Day 176 - Photo Album of my Life
Day 177 - Kill The Thing You Love
Day 178 - Bye- Bye


I see, realise and understand that through reloading a memory of the past while observing my sister I still hold on to the relationship connection I have created within and as my mind, wherein I perceive it to be an expression of beauty and enjoyment within not yet understanding the real nature of expressing through a 'copy' of reality as ones mind, projecting it onto others and furthermore not yet living the words beauty and enjoyment in and as equality.

In this, I realise, see and understand that I want to hold on to this relationship because if I would let it go then I would lose something that's 'dear' to me, all is really in reverse. I see and realise that I already lost touch with reality since my childhood years through not knowing how the mechanics of the quantum mind is working and the relationship connections I've created since my childhood years.

When and as I see myself go into a feeling of 'beauty' when observing others - I stop and I breathe - because I realise, see and understand that there is no real beauty in scanning others through the projections of the mind looking for that 'perfect' match, in the realisation that I wouldn't like this to be done upon me so therefore I start walking the re-alignment of giving what one likes to receive, do unto another as you would like to be done unto you in the realisation that it should have been like this from the very start and so, - I commit myself to no longer allow myself to scan others, my reality for that perfect picture match of beauty/aesthetics because I've now seen, realised and understood the real nature behind the construct and how the word 'beauty' came about as me which only satisfies my desire to live in a perfect picture world with no real consideration of self or others as self, only interacting to satisfy self- interest needs, wants and desires to feel good about myself chasing the insatiable energetic high of an experience of beauty, destroying all real beauty on my way.


When and as I see myself go into an automated habitual pattern of energising myself with chasing positive energy through observing others connected with the feeling of beauty - I stop and I breathe - because I see and realise that I'm expressing self as energy and not as/of breath and so,- I commit myself to eradicate and delete this pattern within and as myself and train myself to no longer allow myself to look/approach others scanning for the picture that matches my ideal activating the positive experience of feeling good as I believe I once did when I was a child observing my sister as the automated starting point of the participation yet to live here as/of breath eradicating and deleting the patterns of the past, seeing others for what they are instead of what I want to project onto them, and in this grounding myself back into and as reality as my human physical body as the anchor of my walk.




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