Day 173 - Pop Up Slideshow Of The Past
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2012/11/day ... -past.html
This is a continuation to:
Day 172 - Its a Family Affair
and related to
Day 51 - Family Matters, Teach Them to Sinn as we Sinn
Day 135 - Family: The Root of All Relationships
I'm currently within my writings exploring/walking being part of a family and how this has shaped and created the relationship connections towards others/world this reality rooted and created within childhood years by observing and interacting with my parents and sibling(s).
SF on a childhood memory/memories when observing my sister and her physical appearance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about female physical beauty connected to my sister's appearance when we were children that created a static picture in my mind about female physical beauty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about physical beauty integrated within and as myself when being a child through observing the outlines of my sister physical appearance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about physical beauty through watching and observing my sister's physical appearance, when we were children, creating the mind connection: - that what I'm observing as the pictures within and as my world - with an experience within, which I couldn't describe or voice or sound into words when being a child as no one walked and guided me through such points within my world and observations which would have given me a window to see that in the world of pictures certain equations rules and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my sister's physical appearance with a positive feeling and something I want to become myself some day when being a child and in this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given permission within and as myself at that very moment to replace a real self experience with my observations as a picture connected with an energetic self experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have doubted my self- experience when being a child not actually knowing how to place it within my world and how to handle myself as such. Because there wasn't anything or anyone around me that could explain to me what I was actually experiencing within and as myself and within this , I realise, see and understand the importance of re-educating parents how to guide a child aligned to the principle of what's best for all, giving as a parent what one like to receive which is establishing a self relationship first to ground oneself in and as the physical so one as a being will have a solid reference platform to develop self, so all children can live their fullest potential into being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assign a positive value to this static picture in my mind about physical beauty through observing my sister.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value female faces as beautiful when it matches the picture of my past.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that by investigating and thus re-enter the moments of my past by bringing them here as myself as the practical applied awareness that all is here within and as my breath I give myself the opportunity to experience myself as child as the participant while observing my sister and how I really look at the outlines of her face and that in this very moment I integrate pictures of our reality into and as myself to as the basic memory bank to express myself through instead of remaining here in and as the breath because I now see, realise and understand that the picture can be seen through one's physical eyes yet the physical expression of self at that moment standing one and equal as that expression of another being can be applied in full awareness as the moments when I was observing my sister, being one and equal with the word beauty I attached to her not yet realising and seeing that this what I was experiencing inside was me and not in separation of myself and that I only through time started to integrate and become existing merely in and as separation of and as self through living the completion of separation and the relationship connections I created as it, which thus throughout time has merged with and as the flesh not even knowing anymore how I ended up as it while all the while I have been creating my own prison cell and thus also able to undo myself as it in the realisation that I have been creating self in this version and so I can undo myself from the invisible shackles of the past into a version that serves all life in the realisation that I have been creating every refraction of self and so I continue walking this process until its done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny what I feel inside when being a child when observing my sister because if I would have looked within I would see that there was self - doubt about what I was experiencing because I couldn't even believe that it could be me, self as self as her, simple expressing us as self, nothing to it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assign that what I observe to others and thus project it onto others instead of remaining here in and as the breath, simple.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into denial of what I am as breath and automatically make it complicated through finding, looking for a relationship connection to express self through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by not knowing how to do so because I didn't know it as a child so I still am a child within and as this point and in this, I forgive myself that I haven't yet allowed myself to mature and investigate/align the version of my childhood years with that ,which is best for all in all ways, becoming my own parent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand the experience of myself when being a child because I grew up in the mess I left behind/created to walk into for children them going through exactly the same cycle of the ones that went before them and I'm one of those.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have embarked on motherhood/parenting before I actually could answer the question "who am I" and how I came about because in common sense this would imply that if I can't and do not investigate all things and settle for- "I don't know who I am" -I'm giving that, which I don't want to receive myself, never questioning whether I would like to be gifted with -"I don't know myself yet I give this to you" - and thus settled for reasoning my way out of it with hollow words - "this is the best I can give"- not yet knowing "what's best to give" in fact implies making simplicity complicated by unnecessary irrational reasoning.
To be continued with self corrective statements