Day 198 - Mother Love prt.2
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Mother Love prt.2
Continued from day 197
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to integrate my mother's expression as her automated response pattern towards me and stored her expression as how to behave when around my partner and my children and through this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to integrate my mother's expression as how to express myself when being in a relationship/living with others and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I/parents as the adopted/integrated expression of the ones that went before us pass the current ways onto our children not knowing wtf is going on and how we as it came about.
When and as I see myself go into being 'far away and being off' when being with my children/partner - I stop and I breathe - because I realize that I catch self as the automation of the exact copy of my mother and how I experienced her when being around us when we were together.
When and as I see myself go into being far away or being off when being with my partner/children - I stop and I breathe - I touch my hands and bring self back here and reassess the moment here as breathe.
I commit myself to get to know the relationship points that I've accumulated throughout the years without actually being aware of who I am within it and how this came about.
I commit myself to get to know self and how we as children integrate our parents' ways as our ways simple because we are made out of the same seed, the same information
Through this, I see, realize and understand that the actuality of me is shaped by my parents. I can actually not be anything else then the total sum of my parents as me at this stage and only through a process of realigning/reconstructing oneself one can free oneself from those shackles.
I realize, see and understand that through a process of self investigation I actually walk my childhood together with my children starting with a blank slate to reconstruct and build self from a best for all starting point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when being a child integrate my mother's/her ways and how to be with me/ how one should be with others, one's family without any understanding what was going and through this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to live in a reality wherein we place children in an absolute helpless and dependent position so that they may end up like us/ in our exact image and likeness without any understanding what this image and likeness actually create within our children.
And so I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to forgive the 'who I am' and that I as a child as no child at this stage has any other choice then to actually integrate their parents as themselves and through this, I realize, see and understand the emergency of the re-education point of us the ones that are currently placed in the positions to actually do so.
When and as I see myself go into an emotional experience of sadness about realizing that we are all equally fucked - I stop and I breathe - because I will not expand self, will not learn or educate self or others through sadness and so I commit self to share my findings through writings so we may learn and expand together in order to get to the one and only practical physical solution to manifest a world that is safe for all our children.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of this reality and the parenting construct wherein we destroy every possible way for our children to educate themselves because we lack education and understanding of what parenting actually is about and how we create within our image and likeness.
I commit myself to continue to re-educate self and expand self as expression through sharing my findings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically respond as my mother and through this,
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to let my mother go.
I realize, see and understand that I still hold onto my mother as the automated response pattern when being in an intimate relationship as the only way to actually exist as me as what my mother has shown me through example.
I commit self to continue writing, expanding self through writing, speaking sounding self forgiveness, continue writing corrections as solutions for self and my children as all.
Thanks for reading
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