Jozien's Journey to Life

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Jozien
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 23 Jan 2014, 10:55

Day 201 - Weakness and Strength
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day ... ength.html

Writing the Journey - Weakness and Strength



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are points existing within and as me that are just too hard to handle that are just not able to be walked yet by me and that there is an area existing within me where I don't yet want to go, don't yet want to be faced with not yet realising, seeing and understanding that postponing facing what must be faced as that which I have created into being as myself is only prolonging the inevitable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to stand within a point I experienced as too much to face not yet realising, seeing and understanding that when one is walking a self-commitment one will be challenged, consciousness will look for points that seems too much and therefore I forgive myself that I haven't yet allowed myself to see, realise and understand that these are thus actually points that are not yet walked by self and one still experience as too much to take on like in anything but, this.

And so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point is just too much to walk through that I simply can't handle the inner experience of self when being faced with such a point and through this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let weakness as word as expression direct me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to investigate the emotional experience of this point is too much as accepted weakness within and so, I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to investigate who I am within the relationships towards the words weakness and strength because it would have shown to me who I am within the relationship towards it and through this,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that in order to walk a self- agreement I must be strong and can't be weak without actually really knowing who I am within the word as expression and how I as it came about and so,
I forgive myself that haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I actually create a mind trap as loop within the polarity play out of this construct.


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the emotional experience of "this point is just too big for me, I can't take this on, it's just impossible to walk through is connected to the suppressed experience of weakness within as if weakness just does not exist within me - only points that are yet just too big to take on and thus justify the postponement thereof.



Will be continued with self corrections



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 23 Jan 2014, 10:56

Day 202 - Weakness and Strength prt.2
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day-202.html

This is a continuation to day Day 201 - Weakness and Strength


Self-Corrections

When and as I see myself go into: this point is too much to face, I can't yet stand within it. I need time to strengthen self before I am able to walk it - I stop and I breathe - because I now realise, see and understand that I justify postponing real self-awareness, self-expansion within the Journey to Life as my Self- Commitment and so, I commit self to immediately investigate through self introspective writing the why, how, when the thought its too much to face, I can't yet stand within it , I need time to strengthen self before I am able to walk it comes up within and as me and thus commit self to script the solution in-front of me so I prepare the way to actually physically walk as self correction.


When and as I see myself go into: I am not able to handle this self-experience - I stop and I breathe - because I now see, realise and understand that I am polarising self within the construct of Weakness and Strength and so, I commit myself to eradicate, destroy this construct within me and realign the words Weakness and Strength through a process of investigating who I am in these words and who one will be, can be aligned with that which serves all.




weakness
the state or condition of lacking strength : the country's weakness in international dealings.
• a quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault : you must recognize your product's strengths and weaknesses.
• a person or thing that one is unable to resist or likes excessively : you're his one weakness—he should never have met you.

• [in sing. ] ( weakness for) a self-indulgent liking for : he had a great weakness for Scotch whisky.

Weakness:
Holds a negative connotation, want to 'skip' this trait within me and others as fast as possible
holds (self)judgement
is connected to self-pity because one actually cannot sustain this experience within self of being weak it has to balance itself out somewhere, it wants to express itself one needs to feel good again, because really who wants to actually change the feeling of weakness within oneself while one is opening a door to feeding the Construct of Self-Pity and the energy that's connected to it , more on this to come.
- See more at: http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day ... fYT9A.dpuf



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Jozien
Posts: 281
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 23 Jan 2014, 10:58

Day 203 - Self - Pity
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day ... -pity.html

Self Pity:

I am sharing here some daily writings about self- pity.

The relationship between extreme self-judgment and self- pity wasn't really that obvious for me to see. Probably one of the tricks of the mind so one will always be walking in the dark about it.
I observe self judgement already within children of an early age when they do something 'wrong' like when they are corrected in grammar or in writing some children immediately go into "Oh I am so stupid and I am really stupid" which when we as parents/teachers do not correct will accumulate into accepting judging behavior.

I see the devastating and destroying effect it has on our children and thus affects our potential, our being and living expression. Through constant attacking oneself through judgement or judging others, well it's all the same the mind doesn’t really care the energy is already created. This extreme self-attack expressed as self-judgement is like waging war against self and when we are taught to attack ourselves in our minds we will attack others as well.

So self- pity has been my greatest friend and my best pal, always available, always here for me, never asking anything and always grateful to ‘support’- NOT! Everything is reallyin reverse.

It has been my best companion when I was younger because I have been relatively alone when being a child and developed a strong relationship with this specific energy experience within and as myself.


I commit myself to assist and support self to no longer allow self to attack self through extreme self-judgment because I realise that this leads to self-pity, sabotaging self-awareness and potential that lies within that, which is behind the door of self-pity and extreme intense self -judgment.

I now realise, see and understand that behind the door of intense self judgment e.g, “I can’t ask for more because I don’t deserve more or what am I actually asking, how dare I ask so much” followed by an intense self judgment:
“I am such a fool, I'm such idiot, I reveal sooo much of myself when I ask for what I want” as a intense self-attack, self-diminishment, self inflicted waging war against self as if I am not even worthy of anything, which is really an extreme way of attacking oneself.


I realise, see and understand that I am accepting and allowing extreme self- attack to come up and exist within me connected to self-judgement, which sabotage walking through the door of Self-Pity, so self can expand and become aware to in fact see that, which is behind the intense self-attack.

When and as I see myself go into extreme self- judgement - I stop and I breathe - because I now realise, see and understand that the force of my (self) - judgement is creating a negative experience, which I want to balance out with a specific positive energy, which is connected to self pity and so keep on looping self within and as the same construct and so, I commit myself to walk through the door of self- pity to practically walk self expansion,self-awareness and thus practically engage self to walk my self- agreement into being, one step at the time.





Grateful for the interviews!

More to come



More cool reading here within the Journey to Life blogs:

Arvydas's post on Self-Pity
Gabrielle's post on Self-Pity - See more at: http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day ... 4fMXa.dpuf



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Jozien
Posts: 281
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:58

Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 24 Jan 2014, 00:18

Day 204 - Giving Up
http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day ... up_23.html


Why do I give up when I am faced with a point that I still need to walk, which enables self-expansion, self-awareness yet rather go with the voices that say otherwise when I thus start giving a loooooot of value to the whispers of; ‘well you first need to strengthen yourself more before continuing, give yourself some rest you did already enough, lets get a break before picking this point up again.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to and follow the inner whispers “well you first need to strengthen yourself more before continuing, give yourself some rest you did already enough, lets get a break before picking this point up again” believing that these whispers are who I am not yet realising, seeing and understanding that these inner whispers are coming up and existing within and as me to protect consciousness because I am actually walking towards penetrating through a construct of the mind, getting to know oneself as it and while doing so I am faced with the guards of consciousness in service of the mind as the whispers of the mind, like sirens and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that these voices are actually in my best interest blindly following the positive energy that’s connected to it, the inner voices know what’s best for me – lol actually still wanting to be led by the arm by a parent to tell me what to do and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow the inner voices without questioning its purpose.

When and as I see myself go into following an inner voice, an inner whisper as in ‘well you first need to strengthen yourself more before continuing, give yourself some rest you did already enough, lets get a break before picking this point up again’ without self honest introspection or investigation of what these voices in fact are telling me –I stop and I breathe– because I now realise, see and understand and have gone through a lengthy process of experiencing the real intention, the real deal and purpose of the inner whispers ‘well you first need to strengthen yourself more before continuing, give yourself some rest you did already enough, lets get a break before picking this point up again’
I furthermore see, realise and understand that these inner voices are in fact in service of the mind, to sabotage self-expansion and self-awareness.

I commit myself to investigate, realign and thus eradicate and destroy the believe "I’m not able to take this point on within and as myself.

I commit myself to eradicate, destroy and realign the perception of: " what I'm capable of walking, what I am able to walk through, who I am because I realise, see and understand that I am only sabotaging self to firmly remain within what I perceive myself to be capable of instead of allowing self to learn, expand and become what I can be.

I furthermore realise, see and understand that I have created, constructed these perceived limitations of self and thus can also realign and reconstruct these perceived limitation, when there is a way in there is a way out.


I commit myself to immediately script the correction as the practical solution to walk through the thoughts ‘it's just too big, I can't handle it, it's too much to take on” connected to postponing investigating these type of thoughts within self.



to be continued
- See more at: http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2014/01/day ... 3kUjQ.dpuf



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Jozien
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 08 Apr 2020, 23:19

Day 209

2020 Vision, Impulse and Change

https://jozienf.blogspot.com/2020/04/20 ... hange.html

It has been years that I have been posting my writings here, I am reflecting upon the moments that I didn't do so, didn’t share myself here and being back here actually feels like one breath, this one breath contains of many moments that I have walked since then.

It's a bit like leaving dear friends who live abroad and then after some years you return it can feel like one breathe even if it spans several years.

Within the total sum of me as the last moment I posted here, the word change stood out, and how I acted upon this word, internally and externally in fact what makes me tick? What makes me want to get up in the morning? What is it that I am as my pulse, impulsing into and as this life, internally and thus manifested externally as my life?

Since 2013, since B’s passing, - which was and has been like a landmark an infinite and irreversible moment of change.

Where do I stand with myself after the dust settled and standing here being faced with another moment of definite change.

An Irreversible and definite moment of external change occurred again this time by a virus, the corona COVID-19 virus which led to me investigating the word change and how I lived this word as the automated pulse of me, the internal pulse creating the external and so each one with our inner pulse are part of the external manifestation of what we are pulsing into being.


More to come

https://jozienf.blogspot.com/2020/04/20 ... hange.html



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Jozien
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 09 Apr 2020, 15:26

Day 210 - Change

https://jozienf.blogspot.com/2020/04/da ... omise.html


The word change, for me at least, - holds so many positive connotations.
When we’re thinking about change, the word change we are uplifted to something bigger, something better, something that will for ever change our being our reality our lives and its always a change for the better. It holds a promise for a better future, a birthing of something better, brighter, something more than you are now.

The words holds so much positivity that it actually only can collapse under ones own weights it has to carry.


Not many words can actually hold so much weight and so much expectation, so much hope, so much positive energy.
Its like we put all of us, all of our potential, all of our being into it, all of our best and good intentions into this word at least I did until a point where it can only collapse, implode and thus then being met with the polarity opposite of this word, the negative energy experience of the word, the other side of the polarity.

Its so easy to then thus fall into the polarity outplay of the energetic perceived experience of oneself, the emotional ‘downfall’ of this word and before one know it one is actually living out the polarity opposite of the word change - which is falling and failing in the face of not living up to the expectations of the word, all the deep rooted hope connected to it, the promising bright future ahead of us, that what is as ahead all connected to a simple word, change. Bam in one moment when change is here and not as one thought its would be - the bubble collapses.


And so thus keep one self, looping in and as a polarity outplay of the word change where nothing actually really ever changes for real, yet where one now is cycling in a polarity infinite cycle of the word change without actually getting to a physical act of changing for real in fact or having a understanding of how one is actually living the word.


to be continued



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Jozien
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 14 Apr 2020, 15:04

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2020/04/words_14.html

Day 211 Words
The English language contains about 3000 emotions one can experience
yet there are only a dozen words an average person experiences oneself through on a daily basis
is this all you want to be?

Meaning do you want to experience yourself through a dozen words?

Maybe a dozen words is enough, maybe not yet but better make sure that every word is self directed statement a self directed expression of yourself, no?



So in looking at the word change I connect this word to a very positive outcome, all the words connected to it such as hope, fresh, new and so on Yet when there is a positive energy experience there is a negative energy connected to it as well

How about the negative self experience here, what actually happens after the drop of positive energy connected to the word change when you spiral into the negative experience?

And furthermore do you then thus actually live the word change as something you understand, direct and are in charge of or do you live the word as automated patterns that you have copied in the past from your environment, parents and personal experiences?

And furthermore is this word then actually in support of you and others?


to be continued..



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Jozien
Posts: 281
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 17 Apr 2020, 14:50

https://jozienf.blogspot.com/2020/04/we-saviours.html


Day 212 - We the Saviours



My relationship with what’s going on in the world and the word change



Its not change in fact where I am looking at - I am looking at manifested consequences, an outcome of certain actions over an extended period of time.


It’s a wake up call yet it's not change its waking up to what is here it's not a change nothing really has changed in fact it's a stand still, a pauze, a breather so you can look at what is here.
To see, to understand, to acknowledge, to actually unconditionally embrace and love as being part of you as you are part of the collective, we, the manifested outcome.


Becoming aware and acknowledgment of what is here isn’t change, it's not change in fact it can be a start, it’s not change yet.

Change can come forth as such yet its still not change in fact.


Its like being met with a friend who is maybe not the person you thought he/she was and being in the process of acknowledging that this is so and then from there on, this moment of consequences being in your face so to speak - you can actually start investigating How you ended up in that place of perception about that other person in the first place.


Yet this is not an action you take by pointing fingers.
It’s an action you take by introspecting your own ways, your part of the story.


So it then comes down to who you are, what is your part of the story within the collective manifested consequences.

Until this part isn’t understood there actually cannot be a We the we the collective is actually still driven by all automated patterns and conditionings that you and I are living each one individually and the inner creates the outer so each individual is shaping the manifested outer reality.

We, the world can't be saved, the we the world can't be saved by individuals that aren’t able to save themselves.

So best to do is to start saving yourself, so you will prepare yourself, enable yourself to be part of saving the world, we, the saviours.



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Jozien
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Re: Jozien's Journey to Life

Postby Jozien » 29 Apr 2020, 22:14

http://jozienf.blogspot.com/2020/04/connect.html

Connect - Day 213


I realised something while walking home after spending some time with friends, I was looking within at how I live connection in relation to others.
Often time I find myself judging myself or my relationships or validating it from the perspective of wanting something out of it or having a certain kind of expectation, or a definition of what a friendship should look and feel like.


While I was looking within myself I came to realize that I’m actually bypass myself within this connecting, meaning what is my self relationship in fact towards this want or need or expectations? And so thus I realized and expand more on, ok:
How is my self-relationship actually in fact?
What is actually surfacing as the experiences while I am with a friend/friend/family others in the moment of participating and thus connecting?


I in fact must deal with me first and being able to be comfortable with my inner experience and while looking into this point I actually realized and start grasping the possibilities of self-expansion when I in the moment with others connect with what’s surfacing within myself and being comfortable with the inner experience first before anything else.


Because, yep often time I miss this step, and so I miss me and my self connection and thus my self relationship is hasty and shallow and actually all the etchings that I don't really encourage in a relationship and yep often time I am quickly to judge and project my inner lack, my inner self relationship onto the other instead of really slowing myself down and get to the point of self-connection first. I tend to and conveniently actually miss this step, it’s an automated conditioning to bypass inner discomfort in relation to connecting to others and project this externally as subtle judgement, slight movements; which is actually not serving anyone in anyway and far from living the word connection in a best for all kind of way.


The word Connection is thus merely establishing a self connection because you can only connect with others as deeply as you allow yourself to connect with yourself first.



So going out there and being in this world is therefore always a reflection of how you connect with yourself. Any discomfort is actually a discomfort in your inner self relationship, not yet explored, not yet understood, not yet re-aligned. Discomfort is a gateway to re- establish ones self-connection, enjoy! (note to self)




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