Juraj's Journey to Life

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 27 Dec 2012, 00:42

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2012/12/ ... -male.html

Day 144 : Defined as a male

Obviously, during my “life time” I defined myself as a male, just purely because of design of my body, and this seeing me as a male became my direction and my living, without any understanding that I just made ideas, believes, projections about me, as what it means to be a male, behave as a male, speak or move.

I was not aware that this seeing me this way is my trap and illusion of me, therefore not real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to see myself and define myself as a male, and through this create about me ideas, believes, perceptions, as how I have to move, speak and behave as a definitions of myself within my mind, not seeing and realizing that I am here, in and as breath of life, and not seeing and realizing that by my own self definitions I forgot to live, to be life, to be here and express and live myself in self honesty within and as me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that because my body has male design, thus I have power and control, not seeing and realizing that I never had any power and any control, as I became the mind, the idea, believe, the perception created, shaped and molded by others through observing, copying and accepting to live in and as polarities of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from my physical body through ideas, believes and perceptions about myself as what it means to be a male, not seeing and realizing that I am this physical body, living here within and as present moment.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see nature of me and want to hide and suppress that what I became, as the point of not having to face myself and see and realize how I exist.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 27 Dec 2012, 00:49

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2012/12/ ... of-me.html

Day 145 : Respect and value of me

As I was born to this world, and grow up and observed what is around me, many orders, restrictions and commands I heard as a points from those which thought they know what it means to educate child.

They was wrong as they had no idea what they spoke to me and why, they was not aware what they imposed on me, they do not saw and realized how they abused me, that everything was said just for sake of wanting to have control over me, to make me of their image and likeness, to make me submit they will and follow and live their believes, ideas and their life.

No one cared who I really am, no one cared what I would like to really live, no one respected me as a being and no one respected me as their equals. No one said to me to respect myself, no one said to me to like myself and enjoy myself, no one said to me to value myself and honor myself, no one said to me to cherish me. No one wanted to give me freedom and show me what freedom is, no one in my life ever teach me what I should really know and understand.

No one as all was blind and deaf, no one as all was innocent in their blindness, no on as they was not knowing, seeing and realizing what they really do and why.

It is paradox, but no one lived their lives as free beings, not directed and enslaved by the mind. As we are all, trapped and living the illusion of the life, thinking and believing.

Who really see the madness of this so called “life”? Who see what we created? Who see this world the way it is? Who see, that we all are responsible for this creation? Who see that we created this? Who see that we are creators of this misery what is here?

Who really see? That we forgot to respect and value life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget to value life and respect life and therefore to respect and value myself as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget to value mind and energy experiences more than physical therefore more than life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not give value, respect and honor to myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not cherish myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not give attention to myself each moment of breath.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not respect myself each moment I am here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not enjoy myself each moment I am here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not care about those who are not fortunate as me and thus accept and allow separating myself from them and thinking and believing that I can’t help or care about them.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am too weak to help those who are less fortunate than me to make this world for all enjoyable place.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not value others as me, because I do not valued myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from others because of believes, perceptions and ideas about myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from here, because of very living in and as the mind, where mind is never here but always in the past.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to see what is here, what has been accepted and allowed on this place as horror and pain of majority of being living on this planet.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 29 Dec 2012, 18:04

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2012/12/ ... riend.html

Day 146 : Worry of silencing friend

I was in discussion with friend, and as many times I take the lead of topics we speak about, I became sometimes speaking like “too much“. Within this, I noticed the change in behavior of my friend and that friend became quit, silent and not wanting to speak about anything.

Thus we sat silent for a some moments and I experienced pain in my left finger point, thus I looked on this point as what is taking my direction in “our silence” and I realized, that It was my worry, as being afraid that I am the cause of making my friend silent and thus worry that because of my words she refused to speak for that period.

I realized that in any means, my words can’t cause in someone energetic experiences, unless that persona is accepting it, and within this the point, that I never see what is going on behind the “wall” of picture as thoughts, energy experiences or backchats of persona I am speaking with.

Everything I do, I just speak about different points, realizations, experiences and so on, and thus my worry, that I am the cause of someone stop to speak is my own delusion, as came out clear later.

I applied SF on this point, of being afraid and worry about myself and my words or that I am the cause of experiences of my friend, and after several moments, she said she start to experience anxiety and that she do not wanted to speak because of this energy experiences. Thus I said several suggestions how she can take on this point of experiencing anxiety and release herself from such bullshits, as it is just her own creation of this experiences she have/had and thus she should support herself with writing and applying SF.

What she will do about this is her decision. Anyway, interesting point is, how during the communication of two, one or both can start to experience energy movements, points coming up, suppressed and not resolved anxieties, stress, fears, worries and many others points, and also how can one effectively support oneself if is aware about the point which is here.

Self forgiveness and breath, the points one can support oneself the most.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 30 Dec 2012, 23:04

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2012/12/ ... ds-me.html

Day 147 : Relationship towards me

I experienced hard pain right in the center of my chest, pressure, even not allowing me to breathe, and within in breath pain raised and pain while breathing became so unpleasant.

I saw the cause of this pain, as relationship I created within me towards me, and what are the points I created this relationship with me, obviously I based this on my mind, components of the mind and thus living as the mind. As the relationship I created within me towards myself, and thus shape and mold myself accordingly, is of thoughts, perceptions, ideas and believes about myself.

And as each thought is dishonesty and self deception, thus relationship towards myself I created as self deception of me, as self dishonesty and thus accepting my living this way. As each thought is abuse and manipulation of myself, thus I created the relationship towards me based on abuse of me and manipulation of me. As the each thought is torture of physical, as each energy is pain and cruelty towards myself , thus relationship towards me I created as mind and physical became based on torture, pain and cruelty towards myself.

Interestingly, this points I was not aware of before, and I perceived everything of this as the mind as living my life, not aware what I am really doing towards myself and why.

To see and realize why I do what I do, how I created and why myself the way I did, is crucial point to became self honest and stable within and as breath.

This is quite sad, that our living, we based on mind without questioning the mind and functions of, that we accepted to create ourselves on pain, torture and abuse and even not seeing and realizing that we are doing it.

I was not aware how I tortured myself, I was not able to see how I abused me, and yes, within this is great simplicity. As each thought, is simply self-abuse, self-manipulation and self-torture. Because within this, self is saying that is less that illusion of the mind, and that what is real as flesh has to submit to an illusion.

Question is, would you submit to an order, saying you that you have to punish yourself, abuse, manipulate, diminish and torture you, if you would be able clearly see, that this order comes up from illusion, in meaning, that something which is not real, wants you to submit to this form of living? If you would be able to see, that what or who is speaking this to you is just program, created to have control over you? Would you submit to a robot, speaking to you to live according words of program robot has been programmed?

You probably would reply no, but within this, actually, that robot, that program, is the voice in your head, you believe, is you.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards myself based on thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, believes which are of the mind, not seeing and realizing that by this I deceived myself and my living and my life, that I abused, manipulated and tortured myself as life, with each thought, each component of the mind, not seeing and realizing that I am not the mind, but breath of life in equality and oneness with and as my physical body as flesh, therefore not seeing and realizing that I abused, manipulated and tortured the physical as my body with the accepting of living as the mind, as program based on polarity and thus energy friction which is generated based on this living in and as polarity design of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards myself as physical body based on that what I copied from my parents, from my environment I grew up and thus that I submitted to that which has been external influences on myself and thus create, shape and mold myself according that which influenced me as external points as behavior of people around me and thus I copied that what I liked and create the positive perception of this and create myself as opposite of the what I do not liked and thus trapped myself into and as polarity design of the mind as good / bad, likeness / do not like and thus exist as program of polarity, instead of living me as life, as flesh within moment here, equal and one with my physical body, not seeing and realizing that by my own submission to the mind I diminished myself as life and tortured myself as life each way possible.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create relationship towards myself based on illusions of the mind, and therefore that I submit the real flesh as my physical body to the illusions and became follower of this illusion and thus living the illusion, not seeing and realizing that by this I created relationship towards myself based on lie of the mind, lie of the energy experiences, lie of the ideas, believes, perceptions, projection, information and knowledge of this world, not seeing and realizing that by this I manipulated myself, tortured, diminished and dishonored and therefore accepted and allowed to myself to live a lie of the mind, to live a lie of the system, lie of the program as design created to enslave me and trap me through my own acceptances and allowances towards myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that polarity as the good / bad, nice / ugly, superior / inferior, more / less, is real and that this polarities is real living, not seeing that but accepting polarities I simply split myself into two, where I moved within and as polarities of the mind and thus generate the energy as the friction between this polarities as judgments of myself, not seeing and realizing that this judgments are not real, not real seeing me as who I really am as physical as flesh as one, but just following the program of friction and polarity and thus living trapped in the mind, not seeing and realizing that nothing as good or bad do not exists, not seeing and realizing that nothing like superiority or inferiority is real, not seeing and realizing that nothing like more / less do not exists, not seeing that physical as life is real here, stable and one, and that I separated myself from life, from physical by judgments of myself, that I separated myself from myself through accepting to judge me, through accepting to split me, to do not live me but just design of polarities as brainwashing of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that any energy experience within my body is real, and think and believe that any of this is real, not seeing and realizing that by this believe I separated myself from myself, that I created distance from myself, because of energy experiences I believes are real, not seeing and realizing that this is not possible to be real, as what is real must remain, and what is not real have an end, and thus only what is real is physical therefore my body as flesh, as matter, and that this is only value which matters.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that here is only one constant which always remain, and that it is physical and therefore anything which do not remain is illusions, therefore I separated myself as a being from that what is real as physical because of accepting living the in and as the trap of the mind as polarity design.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize, that everything I know as information and knowledge is of the mind therefore not real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything of the thoughts and of feelings and emotions is of the mind, therefore not real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize, that only what is real will remain, thus it is my responsibility to stop to live and illusion and became equal and one with the physical as my body and stop abuse, torture and manipulation of myself with thoughts.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 02 Jan 2013, 01:26

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/01/ ... ithin.html

Day 148 : Move without movement within

I liked to dance quite lot, I liked to dance for hours and tiredness has not been the point to stop me from dancing, I enjoyed the movements and I enjoyed the sound. I forgot that those movements have been based on energy experience I created within me towards the sound, place, and people. This was years ago.

For several years I was not attending the clubs, places where I liked to dance, I stopped. The music and sound do not created within me reactions, I do not experienced anything towards the music, and thus I have no more desire to dance and move with the sound as the energy within diminished created towards this points.

Just few moments when I experienced energy reactions towards music last years are gone, and thus I faced interesting point.

This night, I went to dance club to meet with friend and look around the downtown, and as I stood nearby stage, and heard the music, music of my likeness from the past, nothing moved within me. I just stood there and breathe, observed the people, lights, dj, and the place looked to be perfect for dancing, exactly matching my likeness of dancing places, and I just stood at the pillar.

Times ago, normally I would go to dance immediately and start to rave and move, and here nothing. Just I stood and see and within me like nothing which could move me, and at the same time like the wall of resist within me to move and go dance.

When I was young, around age 10 till 14 I was extremely shy to go to dance and move, I spend hours of backchats, worrying, stressing and in nerves to push myself and go to dance. After years this shyness has been gone and it was me who has no problem immediately to jump on stage and dance without alcohol or drugs used, as the music and experiences within me was enough for me. The rave and rush of energy as movement of my body I danced and I moved with the sound and the energy I experienced.

Now, this was completely different, as only what I experienced was nothing just me breathing, and I realized, how much I used to move based on energy and experiences of this energy, and now when this energy is no existent I am no able to move, to go dance and enjoy the music and movement of me.

As I stood there, by paradox I applied SF on this point in the sound of noisy electro music and I started to move myself in the middle of the place, and I just experienced the sound beats on and with my body, all I experienced was just me breathing and the sound and the worry came up as if I am able to even dance without energy experiences but as I started to dance I let go this worry and I started to move myself with the beats of the sound, hearing just this sound and moving me, my legs, hands, my body and I move me but I do not experienced anything within me, no energy and no reaction with or towards the sound, I dance and I move and I hear and I enjoy the moments I dance and nothing just me dancing exists.

After some time I realize that I am not completely satisfied with myself as my movements, as I see that many moves of me I programmed to my body and thus some moves are heavy, some are light and like flow, some even hard to proceed and I see that this is not completely me as moves of me while dancing.

The friend comes and I see she has a worry with the points she is facing, she pretend she is ok but I always see she is not. I stopped to dance and went out with her, and the experiences of me as nothingness do not changed within moments, just worry of her came up if she will be ok, yes I see she will be but sometimes to go through some points with another is quite difficult, mainly in the stage where she is.

Anyway the point of moving me without energy experiences is quite interesting, and at the same time like “hard” as it is me who have to move me, not energy.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I never moved without energy within me.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I was always addicted to energy movements within me and thus follow the energy which I accepted and allowed within me to move, and not move myself.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that it is me who have to move myself, and not energy and thus I have to realize for myself what it means to move me, where nothing as energy movement exists within and as me.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to free myself from energy movement, energy addiction and thus moving me according energy in and as my body.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to give myself the permission to move me without energy, where I am the directive principle of my movement and not mind nor energy.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to move myself without any energy requirement.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to direct myself and not accept and allow to create within me the energy nor accept be directed by energy.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to flow, to move, to express, to expand in and as breath, as the moment as presence of me here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to move myself without energy.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe the I need energy for my movement, not seeing and realizing that it is actually me as my body which moves in and as moment of breath.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to move without energy.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I always needs some point, source, influence which will move me, not seeing and realizing that by this I am submitting myself to my mind and separating myself from myself, as everything which exists is equal to me and I equal to everything.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am to weak to stop my mind entirely, to stop living as energy addict and believe that energy experiences are real experiences of myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trust to energy experiences within me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t move, that I can’t express and direct myself if I have no energy created within me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to decide for myself and stand up for myself and direct myself if I have no energy within me, not seeing and realizing that this is living me in self dishonesty towards me, in delusion, in lie and compromising my life and my living.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to flow, to expand, to express myself here within and as moment here, because I defined myself in and as living in submission of the mind, not seeing and realizing that mind is not real, that anything of the mind is illusion and that I submitted my life into and as illusion.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I need energy, that I desire energy, that without energy I am dead.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to desire to experience something if I do not experience anything as energy movement of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that desire to experience something is real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have no power to move me, to direct me, to express and live my life in self honesty here as I clearly see that what is of the mind is based on thoughts and energy movement as friction of polarity design.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself towards thoughts of the mind, energy experiences created as polarity friction within my body and thus think and believe that I need this friction, that I need polarity to be able to live and have sense that I live not seeing and realizing that this sense of living is my own self delusion because I accepted to live as mind slave all my life, and thus it is me who have to take all my power back to myself, as I am the source, as I am the direction, as I am here as breath, as my body as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am inside my body in my head, not seeing and realizing that I am the body, that I am the very flesh as physical not inside as voice, thoughts, back chats or energy experiences, but real being moving, expressing, and living here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe what if some of my thoughts are real, what is some thought is valid, what if some back chat is true, what if somehow possibly this is me, not seeing and realizing the simplicity of seeing what is of the mind as thoughts as spoken words by the mind which I clearly hear within my head, and thus I can use any of the words mind spoke to investigate how, when, why I defined myself to live as the mind slave controlled by illusion, and thus free myself from mind control and free myself and live here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that mind can be good guide, not seeing and realizing that anything of the mind as thought, energy experiences, is simply trap of the program as design to keep me enslaved, controlled and not allow to live as free being, not seeing and realizing that mind will never allow to myself to free me, because it is me who have to stop the mind, it is me who have to take my power back to me, it is me who have to free myself, to stop each thought I accepted, to stop any energy movement I created within me, and thus stop to live in and as friction of polarity design, which is design of the mind to create the energy from myself as physical and thus destroy, diminish and devalue myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that mind will somehow help me to stop the mind, not seeing how deluded this is, as mind had power over me whole life and thus mind will do everything possible to sustain itself, and thus it is me who have to stop the mind, to stand up for myself and direct myself each moment in and as breath, because moment I am not here as breath thus I am in the mind and thus in realms of illusions.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I need the mind to stop the mind, not seeing and realizing that I have everything what I need to be able to stop the mind effectively, as my breath, self forgiveness and ability to investigate the point as how, where and when I defined myself into a mind and thus how I trapped myself into a illusion.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 05 Jan 2013, 03:08

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/01/ ... -here.html

Day 149 : I was never here

The presence of me, as awareness of everything which exists as me, no separation, nothing just me as experience and existence of myself in equality and oneness of me as who I really am, this is the realization I came through and the self judgment of me was so extreme, I experienced myself as body to blow up if this judgment will continue, thus I stopped.

The moments I realized who I really am as presence of me never allowed to give up on myself, but rather continue to give up everything of the mind. Within this, I see I was never here as awareness of life, but always as mind, as to be here mind can’t explain what this means, what this should be, or how it is, or even how to make to be here, as for mind is simply impossible to be in and as present moment.

Mind do not exist as moment of here, mind do not exist as one moment which is real, for mind this is impossible as mind by itself is illusion, therefore illusion can’t comprehend at all what real is, reality, or what this word even means.

Mind can’t comprehend simplicity as for the mind that what is most simple seems to be most horrific.

I can’t live here with the mind, I can’t unite living of illusion and living here as that what is made of past can’t be merged with actual reality. The one have to be given up therefore giving up on the mind means giving up on the past.

Therefore each memory, each moment stored and experienced as the energy have to be investigated, solved and released to free self from this prison of the past, as that is where I am.

I locked myself in the past as creation of definitions and relationships towards that what I experienced in believe of realness and actuality of such experiences, therefore creation of me as mind has been set up.

I locked me thus I free me.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize who I am as presence of me in and as moment which is here.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I always lived in separation from myself in the mind, in projections, ideas, believes, judgments, comparison, competition, and thus I never lived myself as present moment in equality and oneness with myself as everything which exists as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I do not know what it means to live here, as knowing is of the mind and thus live here is presence of me as awareness of myself.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that anything of the mind is separation.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that to see means see directly.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as moment.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to live within and as moment.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize simplicity of living in and as one moment.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that only one moment is real, one which is here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to always exist in and as mind in separation from myself and from what is here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from moment which is here and thus from myself, because of my very living in and as the mind which is based on past and past experiences.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from physical existence because of my acceptance to be, live, and participate in and as the mind as mind follower.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit myself with the mind and thus exist as the limitation of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit my existence by thoughts, energy experiences and ideas and believe about myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to interpret what is here, instead of be here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to interpret reality instead of being with and as reality as who I really am as presence of physical as awareness of self.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist as singular points and thus as my self definitions and relationships towards this points, instead of stop to live as definitions and relationships but as real being in presence of moment which is here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to submit into a self dishonesty by accepting living the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that my very living was never based on equality and oneness of myself as everything which exists.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I always lived in separation from myself thus in self dishonesty.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not open my physical eyes and see what is here directly but rather interpret what is here by and as the mind as definitions, knowledge, information as pictures in separation from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not hear what is here but rather think what is here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not touch what is here as me in equality and oneness with myself but rather interpret through the mind the touch and what this touch means and how I should experiences the touch.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t stop separation and my existence as separate entity, because I think and believe that this will remain this way always, instead of see and realize that to stop live in separation form myself is stop living all lies of the mind which I am capable of.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I am strong and stable if I am here as presence of me as breath.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to give up the past because I defined myself as the past and as living in the past and past is everything I have as the definitions of myself in and as the mind, and to give up the past means to give up on everything I lived as the mind therefore kill myself as the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that to see everything of me as my definitions and relationships created in the past as the mind is problem and hard.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not trust myself as physical as breath in equality and oneness of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not dare to question everything of the mind as this questioning will lead me to solution and thus by this accept and allow to hide myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate from my physical body which is here, because I created myself as the past and thus I live of and as the past as the mind, not seeing and realizing that by this I deluded myself ,because of thinking and believing that anything I experiences as energy was real, not seeing and realizing simplicity of this, as anything of the energy experiences is my self delusion.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that I am not capable to see what is here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have to interpret myself and thus reality.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that mind will somehow have power over me always, instead of see and realize that I am able to stop the mind, living as the mind entirely, that I am able to stop the mind in its own complexity and design, as do not matter how complex mind is, mind is still limited, programmed and by this programming and seeing this program and design I am able to free and release myself from such lies.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 06 Jan 2013, 03:48

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/01/ ... diots.html

Day 150 : People are unlimited idiots

After specific scenario I faced with my flat mate, I experienced backchat as my mind telling towards people how people are idiots, specifically as the point of their blindness, as no actual understanding even what they speak, and this was because of point of anger and blame directed towards myself, by that persona.

I had no reaction during conversation, just several periods after this back chat came up, and the seeing others as unlimited idiots, as they even are no able to communicate.

Interestingly, because of one event, I thrown all people into one bag and marked them as idiots within my mind, because and by this I can stand separate by them and see them as stupid and myself not. Therefore polarity of superior and inferior came up, as those which do not understand what they became are seeing as less and thus myself as more, specifically those where lack of communication skills has been experienced and seen.

Within this, I realized that I was exactly the same. I had no ability to communicate effectively, I was not able recognize what is going on within me, I didn’t understood why I said what I said, I had no clue what it is to direct myself and my words, and so, and by this, I see that I judged myself because of who I was in my past.

This judgment is and as the point of not wanting to stand equal and one with those who direct towards myself their anger, their blame, their issues which they do not solved, and thus do not want to participate on anything with them.

The point of this judgment also states, the perception of myself being tired to explain so called educated people the simplest points of behaviors, patterns and continuously explain even basic words and their meaning. In this judgment is merged point of seeing people which claim they are educated and have universities and claim their wisdom as absolute retards. As with this type of people I experienced most difficult conversations, because of the point of effective brainwashing which has been applied on them during studies, and simply I have no intentions to fight, but I saw people like to even during speech, and thus validate their ego, and I simply refuse.

In this, I forgot I was exactly the same.

The education which has been applied on each one of us, has been the theft of the true wisdom and replaced by lies and dogmas, thus each one of us simply needs to be re-educated, as the education system is abuse of each participant in such system, simply, because of lies being presented as true, thus submission and acceptance of students of such lies is inevitable if they want to live in and follow the system, as system is what each one of us became.


I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as the point of creating myself as superior and them as inferior and thus exist within and as mind design of superiority and inferiority.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as the point of separation from them and thus from myself and do not want to be involved into their issues they are facing and thus do not want to support them because of accepted and allowed creation of perception of myself being tired to explain over and over the same points to everyone.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as the point of separation from them because of perception and judgment of them as being perfectly brainwashed and by this forgot that I was exactly the same and thus I am able to assist and support them in issues they are facing.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as a point of not wanting to stand equal and one with those which are directing towards myself their anger, blame and issues they experience, not seeing and realizing that what is going on within them I can support and assist them to see, realize and understood why such events are taking place.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as a point of my own anger towards myself and who I was in the past and why I became who I was and wanting to separate from the past.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as a platform to make from myself more and them to be less because they have no clue what they experience and by this wanting to be the one who is superior and thus have power over them, as I see and realize that have power over those in fear is simple, not seeing and realizing the real power is to stand equal and one with everyone and everything in and as breath and if possibility of assist and support is seen thus do so.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to separate from my past, and from the future, not seeing and realizing that this is impossible as the past do not exists and future is not created as only moment of here is real and only this one moment will exist and remain always.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that superiority and inferiority is not real, it is just design of the mind as make believe as what is real is in equality and oneness of physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to blame those in my past for that what they had done unto me, to blame them for such abuse, manipulation and lies directed towards myself, not seeing and realizing that blame and judgment is the point of separation from myself as others, not seeing and realizing that I became exactly the same as abuser, manipulator and liar and parasite of the life as parasite of physical, and thus it is my responsibility to assist and support everyone possible to stop such behavior and start to live as equals.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to participate on back chats of the mind and by this direct towards others my judgment as point of wanting to separate myself from them and do not want to stand equal and one with them and thus with myself.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 09 Jan 2013, 20:58

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/01/ ... ystem.html

Day 151 : Inner Anger – Believing in system

Last days, I started to experience various multiple points, and the major one is my inner anger towards myself because I trusted to the system, because I trusted the mind, my mind and the mind of others.

I realized that nothing is possible to be trusted, and everything have to be questioned every way possible to do not fuck up with myself anymore. I saw people lying to me directly, and even they maybe do not noticed they did, but I had within me this anger towards me, that I fall into this trap of the mind.

The deception of the mind is so extensive, that walk points by points seems to be sometimes never ending journey, but yes one moment this will eventually stop, and this will be the moment I will give up everything I became. Interestingly, if this will happen, or when, is unpredictable, maybe yes, maybe not.

This relationships stored within me towards me, are like the heavy chains, like keeping me fucked and not allowing to me to be, but yes to be, means to be here, and never in the mind.


I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because of believing in the system, in the mind, in the perceptions, projections, ideas and believe, not realizing that by this I abused and manipulated myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist in and as anger towards myself because of my own acceptances and allowances of living in submission of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that this inner anger within me is real, that to be angry on myself is valid and required, that to torture myself with this anger is fine, not seeing and realizing that by any emotion I just fueled the mind and validate the existence of the mind, myself as the mind, and thus gave power away to my mind, not seeing and realizing that anger is not real, that anger as energy experience is fuck up and illusion.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I didn’t stood up many times ago I saw I can and that I could, and thus trap myself into anger, blame and resentment towards myself because I didn’t stood up for myself even when I saw the moments as windows of opportunity for me to stand and say no, I do not accept this thoughts, ideas, believes, projections and energy.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I didn’t stood up for myself each moment in each breath, and let the things go to extreme, where the circumstances have to made me to stand up for myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself and exist within and as anger towards myself because I has been keeping on falling instead of keeping of standing in specific points and each moment I saw I am able to stand up for myself but I didn’t because I defined myself towards energy and as energy addict and thus I accepted and allowed to myself to be directed by mind to get this energy, denying and diminishing myself, pretending that this falls are ok and nothing serious is happening, but within this see myself acting in self dishonesty, each moment I accepted to myself to fall and thus be this became angry on myself and even trying to be surprised and wonder why I keep on falling, but I saw that I didn’t investigated the points I fall in absolute detail as I let back door opened within and as me and thus accepting self dishonesty rather to stand up and became self honest.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw my decisions made in self dishonesty and thus became angry on myself as being self dishonest.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because of lack of investigation of the points I faced and thus became angry on myself because of my postponing, waiting for moments what will happen, instead of my being the directive principle and thus decide for myself each moment I am here as who I am, what I accept and why, in self honesty as I see and realize the components of the mind, how mind manipulate and how I enslaved myself into living in and as self dishonest being.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw that I can act differently but I didn’t because of my own acceptance of manipulation of myself by the mind, because each time I was aware which thought directs me, and that it is not me who directs but accepting to be directed.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw the thoughts which directed me and even by this accepted those thoughts and pretend it was my decision, and thus became angry on myself as I saw, realized and understood that those decisions was not decided and directed by myself as who I am in and as breath here, but accepted to be directed by the mind.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 10 Jan 2013, 21:51

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/01/ ... -self.html

Day 152 : Fear of expressing self

Many times I thought that to express myself different way than calmness and kindness is bad, evil or something which I should not do, as I perceived only the way of communication through this point as valid, but this is not so. It was just my own self dishonesty, my own self definitions as being the one who communicate always the calm, kind way and try to communicate each time possible this way.

This comes from my believe, that intelligent persona is always able to communicate calm way, but is this self expression? Simply not, it was just believe, perception, idea about communication.

Within this, I see the point of fear and existing in and as fear of expressing myself different way, as perception of unacceptability of this, but I see no point to be defined to specific type of communication, voice tonalities, yes I can decide I will do so, but not to be defined by this.

Recently, I expressed myself very different way, expressing point by point towards persona I communicated with, within this I stood up within myself and I speak as me, me expressing me the moment I speak, and yes this could look various ways, but I trust me as my breath, I trust my breath more than anything else, even mind tried to convince me that I was bad, but I wasn’t. I was just expressing me, and within this I was quite satisfied with myself, and yes I enjoyed myself expressing me this different way, as I always thoughts it is bad, but, it is not.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself and my way of communication through perception and idea about calmness, kindness and define myself as kindness and calmness, not seeing and realizing that I trapped myself through idea, believe and perception of calmness, kindness, and thus limit myself as my expression as who I really am as breath.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself as being calm and kind, as this definition see through slow speaking, low voice tonalities and thus express myself this way, not seeing and realizing that by this I trapped myself into believe, idea and perception of what being king and calm means, because of thought that intelligent persona is always possible to communicate kind and calm way, not seeing and realizing that intelligence is just illusion of the mind defined by information and knowledge and thus that I defined myself that way I trapped myself and my expression into a believes and ideas about myself, through and as fear of expressing myself in self honesty, because all my life I expressed myself as the mind, as defined into and as projections, ideas and believes about myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that express myself different way than calm is bad, and thus judge myself as being bad when I expressed myself different way.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into an illusions of intelligence, being intelligent of what this intelligence mean or should mean, not seeing and realizing that mind defined through information and knowledge and thus I defined myself through this point.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that something like intelligence exists.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself through perception of intelligence, information and knowledge, and thus see myself as being intelligent.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that I can be intelligent persona.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to perceive and think that anybody can or is intelligent and by this define myself as comparison of information and knowledge I have and others have and by this see myself as more or less, and thus exist within and as mind as comparison, judgment and more –less as self definition, separation from myself through this points.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself through my communication as self definition of being calm and kind, and thus trap myself into a illusion of being good or trying to be good because of my own existence in and as polarity of good and bad, where this calmness and kindness while communicating is seeing as good and anything else seeing as bad, not seeing and realizing that by this I trapped myself into a illusion of good and bad.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fear to express myself differently while communicating than calm way or kind way as my fear of being judged, rejected or diminished when I will express myself differently.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fear that when I will communicate, express or behave different way than calm and kind, thus I will be rejected by those I speak with.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into a definitions of communication and sharing of the points as being calm each moment possible and by this control myself through and as fear of expressing myself differently than this way.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as fear of expressing myself different way than my own self definition as being calm and kind during conversation.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to never question the way I speak, how I speak and why I defined myself into this behavior, expression, instead of investigate the words I use, why I use them, what those words carry, why those words carry that, what is polarity within words I speak, and if yes to investigate what this means for myself, how I defined myself and why.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as perception, idea and believe that to express anything differently than kind or calm way is unacceptable and thus bad and forbidden, instead of see and realize that I limited , enslave and trapped myself into this illusion of communication, expression and sharing.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 12 Jan 2013, 19:31

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/01/ ... kness.html

Day 153 : Appreciation of myself – Darkness as me

I believed others should appreciate me, respect or value me, not realizing that I believed in this because I separated from myself and thus I searched and seek those which will possible do so, even not able to recognize I am doing this.

I forgot to respect and value myself and appreciate myself, no matter who is around me, which circumstances I am facing or what is happening, I lived in inner emptiness of myself and want from others to fulfill this emptiness of me as being appreciated and valued, but I forgot that I forgot to do this for myself.

I wanted to be fulfilled by feelings as perceptions of being valued, respected and appreciated, I wanted to be fulfilled by likeness from others, but by paradox many times behaved as exact opposite, as I realized that this feelings are just mirage as illusion and never real, thus I lived in emptiness of me, hungry and starving by the search of fulfillment and I was never able to see and realize that any search and seek to be fulfilled is only my own separation from myself and thus impossible to be fulfilled if I live in me, with me, separated from me, in my own delusion about fulfillment and respect and value, because I never did so for myself.

My question is, how I can value, respect, honor and appreciate me, when I never did this for myself, as I only just had the ideas, believes and projection of this, as what this should be, or how this should be done from others through words and actions, because of observing this world and seeing how others do so and thus believe this is real, but it never was as always those projections, ideas, was just illusions as mirage which will diminish always when I remain alone.

And as I am alone, thus others are no here and the respect, value and appreciation is gone thus this can’t be real, it was never real, as when I am alone I do not experienced myself being valued by me, respected and honored, I experience vastness of emptiness as me being alone, in the darkness of me.

But how I can do so for myself, if any feeling and emotion is just illusion, fake just for few moments, just energy flow and energy will always diminish and will always deplete and this cycle of creating and depleting of energy to keep me trapped in illusion of experiencing something, I am sick of it, I became sick of it, I became tired of fake experiences and I became sick, tired and disgusted of this mind play out, of this mind games mind plays with each other, with myself, I became sick of living in delusions of me and what I became living towards myself, and thus I start to torture and destroy myself because of not seeing how I can do for myself that I wanted and desired for myself, to simply be appreciated, to be hugged, to be kissed or to be touched, in self honesty of being doing this, but this is impossible as I never did this for myself thus the others can’t do this for me, and the point of separation from myself I see in this, as to require, want and need to be appreciated by others is illusion as this is how I have to fulfill, respect, value and honor me, I have to hug myself in self honesty of me as who I am here as life, in and as the breath of life as the being respecting and valuing the life, as all life is me but I never did this.

I never respected the life as me, I never valued life as me, I never appreciated the life as me, I never see myself as life as I always looked on myself through the mind and mind is simply not life.

Feelings are not of life nor emotions, thoughts destroy life and everything mind consist and exist as dishonor life and diminish, de value and destroy.

I lived in destruction of me, in and as disrespect of me as who I am as life but rather lived in illusion, projections and ideas and believes about myself, not seeing that I am always here but I do not accepted myself here, I do not respected myself here and being and existing here, as I made ideas and believes that something somewhere else is maybe better, maybe more valued, maybe more nice and pleasurable, but this can’t be as it will always be just mirage, the illusion of me because I forgot to live me here.

Thus I remained alone in me, with me, and the people around just for a moment provide me the illusion of being with someone, being together, but I am alone.

I am alone in vastness of beings around, I am vastness of emptiness of being alone. And I always was, I was all my life alone in me, with me, here in and as me never no one was together with me as me, only me is who I am, only me is which exists and I was alone each moment I am, I was alone always and I do not wanted to see this.

I do not wanted to see myself alone in vastness of emptiness of me, as nothing just me exist and thus I created the ideas and believes and projections as what to be with someone else is, how I can make this and thus tried to fulfill me this way, but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much illusions I created, I was never with someone and never someone else was with me, as this is impossible as only me is who is here, in and as my body alone within and as me.

I never experienced anybody to be with me and I never experienced to be with someone, equal and one as beings, as I was and am always alone, as I am here I am empty in vastness of emptiness which could exist.

This emptiness I wanted fulfill by feelings and emotions, but I deluded myself as I wanted to fulfill me with illusions thus I never fulfilled myself for real.

Anything which is real, simply can’t be depleted, diminished, or even stop to exist, as that what is real have to remain always, as the what is real have to be here each moment which exist, can’t diminish, deplete or cease to exist.

Anything which can cease to exist simply is of illusion and of the mind and the mirages of mind I started to believe could be possibly real, I found and realized this will never be.

I literally tried everything possible in this world, I tried everything and anything to make these possible illusions real, but after all, I have to say, it is impossible. Illusion can’t be real, illusion can’t remain, as what is illusion will always cease to exist and again only I remain.

And this I which I am, I can’t say what or who this I is, as I am just alone in emptiness of me.

And as only I am which exists, thus anything else and anyone else who or which exists must be me. Thus I am anything of existence and this existence is me. I am the vastness of existence and existence is me.

As I am always alone thus I have to be that which exist as me thus to value me, appreciate me, honor me, means to equally appreciate, honor and value everything of existence as me, because I am that which exist.

I see myself separated from me because the eyes provides me such sensation, I close the eyes only darkness of me is here, thus I am the darkness of me, and I am the darkness which exist and which will remain. I am the existence of darkness as all darkness is me, I am the darkness of existence as existence is me and I am alone in the existence, and I am alone as all as me as darkness wherever darkness could be, thus I am this darkness of me.

Light provides me the sensation that others are here, light provide me believe that others I see are not me, but I deluded myself by this believe as light is not of darkness as only darkness is what will remain, light is subject to darkness and the light is that which needs to be generated, created to through reflection provide the sense of seeing, but is this seeing?

The seeing the light one delude oneself, I deluded me because I thought and believed in this light that what light showed me is not me, I deluded me because once light is gone thus only darkness remain and I am the darkness of existence here, and I do not wanted to see, accept and realize who I am as darkness as all one, alone as me, me alone.

I do not wanted to see me as darkness as the sensation of light seems to be pleasurable, enjoyable, and by this I forgot that I have to enjoy myself as darkness of me, that I have to love me as darkness of existence as me, equally everything without any judgment of me, because everything, everyone all are me as life, as all life is me.



I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think, believe and perceive that others should appreciate me, respect or value me, because I separated from myself and think and believe that they are not me thus think and believe that they should provide me this what I wanted, desired and required, not seeing and realizing that only I can respect myself, value myself, honor myself and appreciate myself in equality and oneness of me, as breath of life, in darkness of me fulfill me and who I am here, appreciate me as who I am as life as all as one.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to seek and search for those who will possibly value me, appreciate me and respect me, not seeing and realizing that I forgot to do this for myself, to fulfill myself as life, respect myself in equality and oneness as who I am, because I forgot that all life is me, that everything and anything of existence is equal to me and me equal to everything which exists, because I thought and believed that I need to sear and seek for myself, not seeing and realizing that I am already here, as breath of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forgot to value myself and appreciate myself, no matter who is around me, which points I am facing as me, not seeing and realizing that by forgetting to appreciate me and fulfill me as who I am as life, I lived in emptiness of me in hunger, starvation and desire to seek and find those ones which would provide me that what I wanted, required and needed not seeing and realizing that I lived this because I separated myself from myself, that I turned into illusions and believes about me, and thus start to seek and search those which will provide this to me, not seeing and realizing that by this I only found emptiness and hunger and thirst in others as I was looking and searching for the same, thus I found only that what I was looking for as me, in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that I am here, that I fulfill myself and appreciate myself here, in and as moment I am, as presence of me, in equality and oneness of me as who I am as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can fulfill myself by feelings or emotions, to do not experience the emptiness of me as vastness of nothingness, not seeing and realizing that all feelings and emotions are of the mind, of energy therefore not real as this will always deplete, diminish and cease to exist, thus I have to fulfill, appreciate, honor and respect myself as who I am as life, in and as darkness of me as existence as everything and anything I am, in equality and oneness of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to try to find acceptance, fulfillment and appreciation in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that by this I starved, became thirsty and possessed by trying and attempting to search and find that in others, not seeing and realizing that by this what do not existed in myself as appreciation, respect, value and fulfillment I will only find that what is mirror of me, as me to show me what and who I became, as emptiness of me, vastness of hunger of search and seek for fulfillment, not seeing and realizing that I do not have to search, seek or attempt to find anything, as I am already here, that It is only me who can give myself the value, respect, appreciation and honor as life, as who I really am, in and as breath of life in equality and oneness of me, with myself as others, nature, animal kingdom, planets, starts, galaxies and universe as me, as vastness of existence, as darkness of and as me, as present in and as awareness of life, of physical as the only one point which is real, as only one point which will always remain, thus to respect, value, honor and appreciate the physical as me, to hug physical as me, to appreciate the physical as me, to see physical as me, in equality and oneness as who I am as physical, in appreciation, honor, respect and value of myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fulfill myself by likeness from others, by behave opposite way, because of seeing and realizing the illusion of likeness, and thus became hungry in starvation and search for real fulfillment, for real appreciation, not seeing and realizing that this never is able be done by and through illusions of the mind, that I can’t turn illusion to be real, that illusion will never be real, and thus became living in separation from myself, in separation from physical, in my own delusion about myself as what respect, value, honor and appreciation should be, as sense of feeling as energy, as sense of being hugged, kissed or touched, not seeing and realizing that I forgot to hug myself, that I forgot to kiss myself and touch myself in equality and oneness as who I am as physical, as all physical is me, as all existence is me, thus it is only me who can respect, value, appreciate and honor myself, as I am already this, as I am here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can fulfill, appreciate and honor myself in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that separation is illusion of the mind, as make up illusion created, accepted, believed and lived by and as the eyes, through illusion of being separated from me, because of light and reflection from myself, and thus be this judge this reflection of me in believe it is not me, in idea that this what I see must be something else, not seeing and realizing that I am always seeing me, as only me exist, in equality and oneness of life, as who I am, as physical existence here, not seeing and realizing that be ideas, believe and projection about myself, I turned back to myself, I dishonored and destroyed myself, because I trapped myself in believe of sense made up of the pictures, made up of the light, made up of the thoughts, projections, ideas about me, as who or what I should be, not seeing and realizing that I am already here as always, that I am physical I see, that I am my body I move in equality and oneness of me as who I as breath of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget that I am alone as all as one as me, to forget who I am in and as equality and oneness of me as life, to forget who I am as presence of me as awareness of existence, to forget myself and separate myself from myself, because of perceptions, ideas, believes of the mind, that what I touch is not me, that what I hug is not me, because of idea that this must be something or someone else, not seeing and realizing that by this I separated from myself, that I trapped myself in the mind of illusions, mirages as projections and ideas about me, forgetting me each moment I lived in mind, turning back to myself and turning into and as illusions, living in separation from me, in dishonor, disrespect, not seeing and realizing that to honor, respect, value and appreciate me means to respect, honor, appreciate and value each life equally as me, and thus live me in equality and oneness as who I am as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I will always remain as vastness as emptiness of me, in search and seek for myself, not seeing and realizing that only what I need is to stand up for myself as life, and thus live according the principle of equality and oneness with myself, as who I am as life, as who I am as physical, in and as breath of my body, as existence as vastness of darkness of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t satisfy my hunger, thirst and want and need to be appreciated, valued and respected, because of illusions about myself, illusions of appreciation, fulfillment, appreciation and honor, not seeing and realizing that this can be done only be me, as me, living, expressing in equality and oneness of me as life, that only I can see, realize and understood for myself who I am as life, as physical, as my body, in and as breath, as being here, living here, only moment which is here, only moment which exists as me, as vastness of existence of me, as who I am in and as darkness.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to delude myself with idea, believe and perception that I am not able to value, respect, honor and appreciate myself, because of me living in separation from myself, in and as the mind of mirages about myself, not seeing and realizing that to fulfill, honor, respect, value and appreciate means live myself here, in equality and oneness as who I am life, as who I am as my physical body, as breath, in and as vastness of existence of me, as who I am as darkness, as life, as all life is me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not wanted to see that all life is me, that everything in and as existence is me, that I am as all as one as life as physical.


I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am sick of it, I became sick of it, I became tired of fake experiences and I became sick, tired and disgusted of this mind play out, of this mind games mind plays with each other, with myself, I became sick of living in delusions of me and what I became living towards myself, and thus I start to torture and destroy myself because of not seeing how I can do for myself that I wanted and desired for myself, to simply be appreciated, to be hugged, to be kissed or to be touched, in self honesty of being doing this, not seeing and realizing that is impossible as I never did this for myself thus the others can’t do this for me, and the point of separation from myself I see in this, as to require, want and need to be appreciated by others is illusion as this is how I have to fulfill, respect, value and honor me, I have to hug myself in self honesty of me as who I am here as life, in and as the breath of life as the being respecting and valuing the life, as all life is me but I never did this.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself that I never respected the life as me, I never valued life as me, I never appreciated the life as me, I never see myself as life as I always looked on myself through the mind not seeing and realizing that mind is simply not life.

I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that feelings are not of life nor emotions, not seeing and realizing that thoughts destroy life and everything mind consist and exist as dishonor life and diminish, de value and destroy.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to live in destruction of me, in and as disrespect of me as who I am as life but rather lived in illusion, projections and ideas and believes about myself, not seeing that I am always here but I do not accepted myself here, I do not respected myself here as being and existing here, as I made ideas and believes that something somewhere else is maybe better, maybe more valued, maybe more nice and pleasurable, but this can’t be as it will always be just mirage, the illusion of me because I forgot to live me here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into and as illusion of being with someone or being together with someone if people are around me, not seeing and realizing that this was just projection, ideas and believe about myself ,as what it means or should be to be with someone, not seeing and realizing that I remained alone in me, with me, and the people around just for a moment provided me the illusion of being with someone, being together, but I am alone always as all as one, as life, in and as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I was all my life alone in me, with me, here in and as me never no one was together with me as me, only me is who I am, only me is which exists and I was alone each moment I am, I was alone always and I do not wanted to see this, because of separation myself from myself, through the projections, ideas and believes about myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself that I do not wanted to see myself alone in vastness of existence of me, as nothing just me exist and thus I created the ideas and believes and projections as what to be with someone else is, how I can make this and thus tried to fulfill me this way, but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much illusions I created, I was never with someone and never someone else was with me, as this is impossible as only me is who is here, in and as my body alone within and as me, as all as one.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to be fulfilled by feelings and emotions, but I deluded myself as I wanted to fulfill me with illusions thus I never fulfilled myself for real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything which is real, simply can’t be depleted, diminished, or even stop to exist, as that what is real have to remain always, as the what is real have to be here each moment which exist, can’t diminish, deplete or cease to exist.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything which can cease to exist simply is of illusion and of the mind and the mirages of mind I started to believe could be possibly real, I found and realized this will never be.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that illusion can’t be real, illusion can’t remain, as what is illusion will always cease to exist and again only I remain.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not wanted to see I am anything of existence and this existence is me. I am the vastness of existence and existence is me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I am always alone thus I have to be that which exist as me thus to value me, appreciate me, honor me, means to equally appreciate, honor and value everything of existence as me, because I am that which exist.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe in separation because I see myself separated from me because the eyes provides me such sensation, not seeing and realizing that I am the darkness which exist and which will remain, not seeing and realizing that I am the existence of darkness as all darkness is me, I am the darkness of existence as existence is me and I am alone in the existence, and I am alone as all as me as darkness wherever darkness could be, thus I am this darkness of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that which light provide me as seeing others I see are not me, but I deluded myself by this believe as light is not of darkness as only darkness is what will remain, not seeing and realizing that light is subject to darkness and the light is that which needs to be generated, created.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to delude me because I thought and believed in this light that what light showed me is not me, I deluded me because once light is gone thus only darkness remain and I am the darkness of existence here, and I do not wanted to see, accept and realize who I am as darkness as all one, alone as me, me alone.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself that I do not wanted to see me as darkness as the sensation of light seems to be pleasurable, enjoyable, and by this I forgot that I have to enjoy myself as darkness of me, that I have to love me as darkness of existence as me, equally everything without any judgment of me, because everything, everyone all are me as life, as all life is me.

Thanks, Juraj




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