Juraj's Journey to Life

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Location: Uppsala, Sweden

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 11 Aug 2013, 21:52

Cool Juraj.

Suggest to now take the next step of applying self-forgiveness and write out practical corrective statements for how you will change your living in the specific situations where you face these points.

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 13 Aug 2013, 17:59

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/08/ ... u-are.html

Day 163 : Revenge – I’ll show who you are

As a child I have been thought about Jesus and god and all that stuff, as I grew in “average Christian family” where my father was the one who had the main word in means, how our family functions, what is followed and why.

For me as a child, the Jesus was a son of a god, and I had no idea who this god is, or what god should be, but I could see in church the Jesus as a baby under Christmas tree, and I had the knowledge about Jesus and his life and what he thought other people. For me, Jesus was the one who was showing people how they should live, according the words of love, love of the other people even the enemy, and what love means, and that we all are equal as god as him, therefore we should love each other equally, and do not live for material things, as do not live for golden statuses, and everything that bullshit stuff which is daily promoted.

My basic seeing of the Jesus was through love and his words of love, as equality. As I was attending the church those days, the procedures of eating the Jesus at the end of each ceremony took place, and I liked it from perspective as symbol of eating Jesus flesh transformed symbolically into this little waffle which is used in church. I understood the Jesus as being the flesh, being in everything the flesh or matter is thus me being part of this all through this ceremony.

Once as a child, when I received this small waffle from the priest, I took that out of my mouth and put this waffle into my “praying book”, which I had as a child where was all the songs and stuff around religion, thus I placed that waffle right into the middle of the book, for me as a child seeing this as act of having the Jesus nearby me, as I was having this book in my pocket of my winter jacket, and thus I was as a child satisfied that I have a Jesus always with me and that I do not eat that waffle rather keep it sustained with me. My perception of this, was simple and innocent, according the way how I understood and saw the Jesus as persona what he lived.

I didn’t see anything wrong in such act, just having the Jesus, this little child as me with me. Days start to pass and I continued to live my life according everything which has been normal that time for our family, till the moment of:

My mother is calling me into a hall, the entrance room of our flat, where our jackets has been placed, and she is holding my praying book in the hands, opened in the middle and that small waffle is there, and she call my father. She is showing him this, and I just stand and look on the situation, still in my naïve innocence that I did nothing wrong. My father enters and he taking the book, and he is asking me, what it is and from where I have this. I am saying that in the church I took out this waffle and put it in this book, thus it is Eucharist, as called in Christian religion. I am still looking onto him, as I am quite small against him, my mother still stand nearby, suddenly, the eyes of my father changed. He is taking the tool which he used to use as “educational stuff” just for the purpose to beat me, I am like frozen within me, as I am not quite sure why he is doing this, and he is asking me, if I kneel down each time I came to my jacket, as a symbol of honor of Jesus or god, and I am saying no, as I saw this as very unpractical during various situations. As I said that, the eyes of my father became so strange, the anger and hatred towards me I saw in him, and he started to beat me frenetically with that tool, through all over my body, through my ass, legs, through hands, body and I just experience this big pain all over my body seeing him screaming madly that no one will make fun from the god. I am shocked, surprised, I tremble and I feel this pain, I see my father in desperate anger towards me, when he stopped, I cry, I cry as my body is in heat of pain, I am touching my body wanting to make this pain less, and I hear him that I will go to confess from this sin because I dishonored god.

And my trust and believe in Jesus and his teaching has been broken and shaken completely, how my father can speak about god and love and Jesus, if he dare so brutally beat me just because of me wanting to have this Jesus nearby me? My father know nothing about love and Jesus and god, he do not know a shit about life, he is defending his illusion and his projections of god I dared to violate by my act. I look on my mother and I see her as a traitor. I saw her as a mother; loving being of me, but everything changed as I asked why she called my father and showed him that, I see her that she betrayed me by calling my father.

How can my father or mother love me, if they allow this? How can they do this and on other hand promote something else? My father is no more my father and my mother is no more my mother, as they do not love me and they do not see me as a child, they do not see me, they see only their illusions and their believes, they do not know and see who I am here, they have no idea why I did what I did and they both beat me in fury and desperate anger, no matter that mother was just looking on this, she was the same way in this like my father, she do not stopped him.

I realized that what my father live is fake and also my mother, and they broke in me my innocence by beating me, they broke my seeing of Jesus and his teaching as I see they do not live his words, they are not able to recognize what love really is, they have no idea what is equality, they do not stand for that, they speak something but do something else, I never forgave this. I never forgave to my father this and to my mother, they was blind in their actions and I separated from them even more.

The way of my revenge started the revenge to show them who they really are, and that they do not live what they say. Despite the fact that as a child I understood equality quite well, this has been diminished completely as because of Jesus I was beaten by my the most closest personas, which was my father and my mother. I started to live the road of revenge, ingrained in me, within me, and doing the opposite of suggestions of my mother, rebelling against everything which my mother represented and father as well. I knew my time will come when I would be able to revenge to them and they will see how mistaken they was. And this was no more only about them, but about everybody who claimed something, but lived something else, my revenge became against all and everybody who speak something but do something else. The revenge I became was me, I revenging to all directly to their face, showing them how deceptive they are, how much they lie, my life became revenge in various forms, in various ways, and as time has been passing I became always satisfied with the outcome of time by itself, when I saw what life brought to the life of those I was revenging against.

My father has been dying in the agony of pain of cancer, and yet I wished him to die as I saw that as a only point how he can go out from that misery as I never believed he will be cure but I do not cared about him. Really, I saw satisfaction in his position and where was his god? Where was god to help him, to give him love and cure him? Nowhere, his god let him dying in brutal pains for a long time, until his body became so exhausted of this cancer that could not sustain itself anymore. And I do not give a fuck, why I even should I? Why I should give a fuck about him after everything he did to me? I never took hand on him, I never screamed at him, I never said how he should live or what she should do, I never beat him, and he? How many times? And these beings have no authority to claim to be my father and I do not see myself as his son anymore, or son of my mother. I asked many times, who is my father and who is my mother then? Who it is if these beings treat me such way? They are not. And the way of me being alone here, living alone with my revenge towards all, busy as I do not wanted to follow what they live anymore, and the revenge became ingrained within me as me, I am this revenge I am living it, I am becoming this as the years are passing I see more and more lies, more and more deception, I see only people which are fake from top to the bottom, no one is living and no one is my friend, no one is my companion as I am alone with me with revenge I have to accomplish, I need and I have to, as this is my purpose and the very reason I live.

The point of revenge became transformed into everything I did, spoke, and I was not able to see me in this, as I became it.

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 29 Sep 2013, 11:52

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/09/ ... ou-do.html

Day 164 : Revenge – I do not care as you do not cared.

Many times before, I experienced various resistances to write, when point came up, but as usual, I placed the points in front of me and could see.

Here, Now, it is different, it is no more resistance to write, actually, writing is the point I really enjoy, as over time writing becomes something which is for me really intimate, allowing me to understand and see. And as the resistance is gone, something different emerged, and it is simply not wanting to write the point, holding the point within me, seeing, knowing that sooner or later I will have to let go, but this is like wanting to keep this for myself, as that which defined me a lot as all points of revenge I lived, and without revenge I am like gone. But lets have a look, why I hold to this point and why I am letting this go.

I was on the kayak tournament during the weekend and many importing things happened to me, and I was with all team on the way home. I was very young that time, and understand what happened that weekend took me almost my whole life till here.

I move out of the bus, as we stopped finally in our home town and picking my things out of the bus, talking with trainer and guys around, it is night. Little bit cold weather, I look around and people are here, which are family members of guys which was on tournament also, and as I see, for each one someone came, father, mother, brothers or sisters or whole families. And I just remained standing alone, and no one is here just me. I am looking in the dark of non-illuminated road and I see no one came. It is strange, even I do not expect no one will come, but whatever, I move up the road. Why no one came?
Blinked through my mind and I do not know answer, the road to home by tram and bus is quite strange, as that question man times emerged, and comparison of seeing all others with someone who came for them and seeing me, that from my big family nobody.

I am entering the flat, and I see I am hardly noticed that I came, I have so plenty of things I would like to talk about, so many things happened, and I just see that family simply continues the way as always, and no one ask anything from 7 members of my family, anything about me, tournament, how it was going, no one care a shit to even ask any of kind question, no one interested at all. And thus I see, why they should care to come for me to place where bus came, if they even do not cared a shit about me and the tournament, I am starting to doubt if they maybe noticed I was not here. Mother, father, brothers and sister continuing to talk, behave like I was not away for 2 days.

I stand and see they do not care, I stand and see that no one is interested in anything about me, and this is hurting me so deeply, this what I see is killing me from inside. And thus I stand and realize that they even do not know that I am the best in whole team, that my technique and my drive is one of the best, they have no idea what happened this weekend and why I will probably stop with kayaks forever, what I realized, what extreme experience I came through in the canal and many more and I see they do not give a shit.

I stand and I ask myself, as I see no one care, why I should care? Why I should care about them all if no one cared a shit about me? And you will see, as I am here I will revenge to you the same way u did to me, I will not care the very same way as you do not cared.

This is my vengeance, this is my statement, this is what I will live and I will became the revenge. I will revenge you and you will see how this can hurt, you will see how it is if I will not give a fuck, and time will come you will need me but I will be no more here. You will not be able to get back your words, your ignoranceand no matter what will happen I will ignore you, this is my living as I see who you really are.

I will not care, I will not ask, I will not be interested, not in you and not in anybody else, as you do not know and do not wanting to know, thus be it. You will never know who I am, what I live, why I live the way I am. You will never know me, see me or comprehend me. Simply, because I will not tell you.

And thus everything you know about me is just bullshit you believe in, because yes u know me, but only that what I allowed, the pillars and the core of me, will remain hidden in front of you, and whatever you will believe in, will be not me. And I will not care, as only once I will see you do not care, I will take on my revenge.

But, as I said before, I am giving up the revenge as me.

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 22 Oct 2013, 22:14

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2013/10/ ... cence.html

Day 165 : Return to innocence.

The moments I walked here as a child, I was here and I saw my surroundings and I enjoyed just the simplicity of me that I am.

And as I see all the desires, fears, insecurities, anxieties, angers, hatred, believes, ideas, projections, wishes, revenge - walked, here I can express this as all points which was not necessary to start to live by any means, as all of those just stolen my innocence from me, I allowed this and I was the one who forgot my innocence as my presence here.

I allowed to be robbed of life with the system and I became the very manifestation of various components of the system, and it was not worth to accept such deception.

I am, bit concerned, about us. I am bit concerned about humanity, we have many fundamental unsolved issues, as basic needs of each human on this planet, and we die each moment.

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 05 Jan 2014, 18:12

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2014/01/ ... pt-me.html

Day 166 : Me accept me

I made a lot of struggles for me, I created many pains for me, I made walls in front of me, I chained me and I slaved me. I locked me in the past but desired future, feared future because I was seeing what I am doing onto me and I do not stood for me the way I am capable of, I mean, not just in and as the points I saw clearly thus I stood those points, but stood entirely as who I am.

I had many backdoors within me as excuses as attempts to run away and let behind me all the pains and worries and fears and I wanted to stop but I didn’t stopped the way I am capable of.

I saw me and I saw many me’s and I saw what I am capable of and I saw all my evil hidden in front of me for decades. And the moments I realized each moment is the decision of who I am, my life became more peaceful despite the necessity of consequences created to come, no matter what and how I changed, consequences had to run and show me, me.

I was in search for me and once I realized who I am as all as one, I started to fear me, I started to fear my real me as who I am as entire existence, I do not wanted to be as who I really am. The hugeness of responsibility shocked me, I remained shaken and I do not wanted to take responsibility for me, for me as all.

I created this separated idea about me as individual, it was never real, but this idea, this believes provided me that what I wanted, thus “living” as individual as some I – I defined and I made fences and facades to keep this idea, to maintain my life and maybe possibly to be able to live somehow, not wanting to take responsibility, not wanting to step in as direction of me entirely, absolute, as who I am as life.

I saw no reason why it should be me, why I should give up all this illusions and all points of my precious ego, despite the fact I realized that maintain any is utmost degree bullshits. I wanted to have and keep my life, which in fact never existed, nothing of my life exists, life exists as life, and that’s it.

I do not wanted to accept all me’s as all variations and forms of life I am, I do not wanted to be the life, because I wanted to keep this illusion of my life. I wanted to keep things go according some pre-pared possibilities but I was wrong. I was all time wrong about my life, because my life does not exist.

Everything I believed, projected was separation from me as life as all, to keep this little illusion of my life.

I was choosing which points I will stand and which not, mostly those which I was absolute sure and clear about, but I was postponing my standing in very specific points as possibly shortcuts of getting out of the mess I was creating for decades and preparing things to be though.

I thought it is you and me and that we are more than one, but I was wrong as life is one. Life is one and oneness of life is who I am I do not wanted stand for, because I feared responsibility for me, because within this everything change. And I saw moment by moment, what I am in fact accepting, what misery of life I created by my ignorance of me and turning the blind eye everywhere, because of not wanting to accept me as life as who I am.

I thought I have to be something else, I searched for me but ignoring me in front of my eyes, because through the mind everything looks more sexy, more acceptable, more valid, more real, more true, funny is, never was. Nothing of the mind is true or valid, nothing of the mind is real, not voice, not feelings, not emotions, simply nothing. No single point of mind matches reality, because mind is not of reality. Mind is made of ideas and believes, and that’s my story of so called my life, which never existed.

Story of ideas and believes about me, I found out none was valid. I was wrong millions times, physical was not wrong one single time.

Physical, is always right.

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 07 Jan 2014, 23:12

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2014/01/ ... -i-am.html

Day 167 : I accept who I am

Why I searched so many times me, is the point of me accepting mind and not who I am as presence of me here. The very acceptance of the mind and thus becoming and believing of this is the reason why I became no more here, living, breathing, expressing, enjoying, accepting, sharing, carrying.

I start to limit myself, and within this limitation forgetting who I am, forgetting equality and oneness of me, forgetting me as life, and losing me, within and as realms of the mind, and this is strange, it is so strange, as my very question was – why I accepted and allowed this all?

I asked this question because I saw everything of me within moment, and I saw everything I accepted towards me as life. How come, why, I accepted such separation, and from this such misery of life on this planet?

Why I separated from me? Why I separated myself from life? Why I separated myself from physical? Why I forgot who I am as all as one? Why I forgot my oneness of me? Why I forgot equality of me? Why I became blind and why I stopped to see me? Why I accepted fear of me? Why I accepted to believe in fear?

Why, why, why, actually, the answer is simpler that I could thought, because I wanted and desired to be something else than what and who I really am. I was fool and within my foolishness I started to think about me, instead of living me, accepting and enjoying the life and simplicity of life, simplicity of oneness and equality of me.

I started to complicate everything and creating billions of points, reasons, ways and I became blind, I was not able to see me anymore, I was not able to enjoy me anymore, and I was not able to live, because I died. I died the moment I accepted the very first thought within me, and this thought became my doom, pain and fall.

I was broken, and I was weak, I was fear-full and I was sick, I was shaken.

But no more I accept such lies. No more I accept to be blind. I am life and that’s all of me as who I am.

Nothing more, nothing less, just life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I see, instead of see and realize that I am using the mind to interpret what Is here, what this here should be because I separated myself from physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to became blind and no more see me as equality and oneness of me, as life, as my presence and everything which exists as who I really am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see the sound.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to be sound.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have to be something else than sound.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that sound is not who I am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that silence is not who I am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that silence is not real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget me as sound and silence.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget me being sound but rather separate myself from into and as mind, and became following blindly what mind see, what mind says, what mind show, what mind thinks, and do not see and realize that I am not this, nothing, no single point.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see into me each moment I am here, but rather turns into the mind to have this idea and believe about seeing, not realizing that by this I am giving my power away from me, and thus diminishing and dishonoring me as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t be physical, that I can’t be of life, that I can’t be of sound and silence as me being here, seeing here, expressing here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that here is what I see as pictures through my eyes, that here is what I hear through my ears, not seeing and realizing that what Is here is me as moment which exists in and as equality and oneness of me as all.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself look on me through information and knowledge of the mind, and not see directly, instantly, everything and everywhere of me as who I am as life within equality and oneness of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to look on me through the mind and thus look on me through polarity system, and forget to see me as equality and oneness as life as who I really am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to use the energy as the point of separation from myself, because of thinking and believing that energy is real, that energy is something more than life than physical than sound, not seeing and realizing such deception I created for me, not seeing and realizing how I enslaved myself into and as energy because of this believe.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to like energy more than me as who I am as life, to deceive myself with such believe, and think that my believes, must be real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe everything else but not to trust the only one point which is real, thus physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that something more than physical must exist and that it is possibly me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to turn blind eye and ignore the physical as what is here, but rather think and believe that physical is something which is less than the mind, not seeing and realizing that I deceived me, not seeing that mind is subject to physical and thus mind needs physical, but physical do not need mind, not seeing and realizing that physical exist without the mind, but mind can’t exist without physical, that physical is what is real and what exists and not mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself do not accept myself as physical, to do not want to be physical, to do not want to be here, to do not want to be equal and one with physical as me, but desire to be something else, something more, something more profound, more special, more interesting, because of my very judgment towards the physical and seeing the physical as something less than mind, not seeing and realizing my self deception within this, my dishonor of myself and my illusion of me about me, not seeing and realizing the simplicity of me as being as one with me as all as one as who I really am as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from physical, because of idea and believe that what I think, what I experience as energy movement is more than physical, thus within this live as believe and idea about me, in search for me, in search to find out who I am, not seeing and realizing that I am always here, that I was always here, and I will be always here as moment of me, my presence within and as silence of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trust the mind, to trust what mind see, to desire to trust the mind, to trust the energy of the mind, to mislead myself with placing trust to the mind, instead of trusting me as who I really am, instead of standing for me as absolute presence of I, as I as life, as I as here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be and became benevolent in my standing for me, instead of standing for me absolute, instead of me standing for me and for all to my biggest potential, unshakable, unbreakable, as all as one as who I am as equality and oneness of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not take all my power back to me, to do not accept anything of the mind which mind consist and exist as, and do not became the solution for me, solution for all, solution for life on this planet and what life could really be for all, thus I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not stand in and as clarity of me, to do not stand as absolute presence of me as the moment, to do not stand to my greatest potential which I am capable of, to do not stand as absolute expression of life within and as self-honesty of me, to do not stand as example for all to see what is possible to be and became as life, as equality and oneness of life, to do not stand for life and what life really is.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am weak to stand absolute, to think and believe that I can’t stand absolute, that I am not strong enough, that I am not powerful enough, that I am not worthy enough to stand for me as who I am as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t be the life, that I do not deserve to be life, that I must and have to be punished for everything I have done towards the life, not seeing and realizing, that what have been done is of the past and thus point of me no more accepting such separation, dishonesty as everything what have been done, was enough.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that I can’t see me within and as equality of life as who I really am, because I thought that I have to be punished somehow for everything I have done, not seeing and realizing that only self-punishment exist because of very shame, regret and judgment of myself for everything I have done unto me as life, not seeing and realizing within this opportunity for myself to simply – stand absolute and no more accept anything less or more than life, honor the life and make everything possible to my greatest potential to bring dignity and value of life here, for all as one, within the principle of equality and oneness I stand for.

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 18 Jan 2014, 01:15

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2014/01/ ... demon.html

Day 168: Money Demon

I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 24 Mar 2014, 08:30

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2014/03/ ... e-you.html

Day 169: I will all-ways Love you

I spoke many times the words of love or likeness towards the girls, I dared to, I wished and I wanted those words to be spoken back. I wanted.

I speak those words and I tremble, I speak and I shake as I am insecure about reply and I wish to hear the words of likeness of me but I fear I am mistaken, I fear things are not the way I perceive and think, I hold the hand and I kiss and I am pleased, I am satisfied, I am experiencing the feeling, the feeling I like, I like this girl, I love her, I know it because I experience this feeling, but, something, something I do not considered, I do not considered, that this, what I experience – is Lie.

The moments I dared to express and spoke those words towards girls are gone and seem to me like never happened, like just the frame of the past of my actions and my words, my words, as love towards anyone, I was fake. I was fake within such words, I was not aware.

And this experience and this feeling, is lovely, it is energy moving within me and fulfilling me, this energy I think is love, it must be, this lovely love feeling, must be love because it is directed toward a girl, and I am male thus this is love, yes it is, but, I see – it is fear. Not love not likeness just fear. The fear of me, fear of who I am, why I am the way I am, fear of future and present, as I do not know, I do not see, I am not aware thus I fear and this fear is fulfilling me and I think it is love and I am mistaken and I lie to me and I lie to girl because I fear.

Within the words I spoke the likeness and love of someone, in fact there was my desires, my intentions, my needs and wants, my projections, how it would be, how things can be, how future can be, my energy and my experiences, within such words I manipulated because of wanting to simply experience what I feel within me, in the state of mind I am experiencing love, which was just – Fear.

Fear in many ways, fear in me, and I think I will always love you but in fact I will all ways fear you, is true meaning of such words, always to fear, me.

How strange it is, to say, to someone, and to promise and to project, that I will be all ways in fear towards this being, how insane this is, and more insane, the marriage of two based on the fear as projection to end of the life.

Blindness within such fear allow the being to commit themselves into a doom of them in lies and dishonor of love, they accept to abuse such word each way possible to maintain their energy, and it is just fear, and they will fight and protect their fear, and they will dare to kill for their love – for the fear.

The beings, here, as me, blinded within such love, not seeing and realizing what in fact is going on within them and around them, and the moments pass and things are happening and day after day, year after year, decade after decade, life is passing and the life in fear and projection of love and what love is, and within the last moment of the” life”, being realize the most shocking truth about themselves, the truth about their love, and what they lived, but it is to late. To late and all is gone – just this seeing and realization remain – You was fake all life, each way possible, because you feared you.

I breathe, slowly, I am the breath of the body and I am in and as all parts equally and everything of me is equally considered, shared, touched, fulfilled with me as breath as I am here and I am love, I am expression of love as innocence of me, I love me and I love you as me and this is me as who I am within such moment as I see, realize and understand, for eternity as the truth of love – is Equality and oneness of me.

Thanks, Juraj

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Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 19 Jul 2014, 21:31

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2014/07/ ... -stop.html

Day 170 : You stop when you stop – When you stop?

To stop the point, no matter which point it is, you simply have to decide be here. Once you are not in the mind all days, you see how point after point is challenging you, and I went through lot of them, and this ego point, me as simply this E-go instead of I go, is challenging me constantly, continuously, in such frequency, that is astonishing, once I started to see mechanics of me, understand me, see me as who I am as mind, that I still was not able to stop E-go point entirely. This is quite interesting, as I started to see, that through separations, judgments etc, which minds offer constantly, simply I can’t stop any point. It is simply impossible, because it will still bring polarity and thus friction and energy which will be followed.

Self stops, when self decide, any moment, self move once self stops. Self stops, once self embrace point as self as oneness of self with everything which self stand for.

Thanks, Juraj

User avatar
Juraj Varga
Posts: 231
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 20:20

Re: Juraj's Journey to Life

Postby Juraj Varga » 21 Jul 2014, 13:18

http://juraj-kess.blogspot.com/2014/07/ ... ction.html

Day 171 : Connection – Con-action

I was not able to grasp how people can stop connection to each other, just like that, in one moment, for whatever reason. I was looking on things, how people interact, and once I saw something ending just like that, especially connections of people to each other, I was surprised, little shocked. Despite of this, I was even equally surprised once I was able to see behavioral changes in those around me, moments I was looking on them surprised, not understanding why they changed so fast from enjoyments to anger, etc, I was really surprised lot of times, and lot of times because of reason.

The reason, why something end, why something start. Beginnings - Ends repeating. The realization, that true reason I will never know from outside. I can trust only a little to those words I hear as reason of other’s, I saw this many times. Relationship as connection, as con action thus con as direction of life for simple reason. I was not there, in those moments as direction of life, simply as see as moment in decision, but I followed in my ways energies developed from childhood, and as I as this child was looking on changes around me, this beginnings and ends, I wondered, why cannot something last? Why everything have to end? This seeing, of endings, I become to see this as why that even happened, if it has to end? How being are born and how they die, everything, cycling, and I was shocked.

There is moment, where everything have it’s own end, and this realization and very question, thus what is going to last forever? As a child I wondered, I wondered and I become naïve, in my way, when I trust, who I trust, why I trust, to someone, something. This wonder, like staring on something and “long“ moment is passing while things are put together because of something unexpected happened just in front of me, related to changes of behaviors of others, and see me as frictional changes over time, and why I reacted those ways, all those things works the very same principal of beginning and end, and here is funny point, what remain?

Simplicity is in this realization, everything of the mind will come to the end, because it has to, as this exists by this principle and can’t exist “different way”. The end point of mind energies, brings point where I step forward and thus I am no longer directed by mind. This way mind works in each dimension, and mind by itself, has end point, this means, the question, do I stand as me?

Thanks, Juraj

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