https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/07/2 ... ess-intro/
Recently I was on a longer trip, driving a couple of thousands of kilometers across multiple countries in Europe and seeing some points to clarify, self-forgive, re-define or self-agree about.
In general, as I am only driving since some years, after walked through all my fears and phobias about cars and driving with self-forgiveness and actual change, I have been able to grow extensively within driving experience and in general skills, yet it is always room for improvement within SELF and driving technique application.
Facing fears, phobias, resistances, addictions? EQAFE is really supportive to walk through and overcome those, that was also my key support here as well, I can’t recommend it enough.
So. I’ve got a fairly powerful, safe, comfortable and reliable car some time ago, easily can take over most of the highway traffic without much effort and that can give all kinds of reasons to judge or react when I can or can’t go fast, but my initial and still standing commitment is still present, which is:
I do not accept and allow compromise on safety, although it is often out of our hands when entering huge traffic as things can happen so fast or there is simply no way to avoid an imminent threat when someone else makes big mistakes.
That is why it’s even more important to make sure that from SELF it is clear and always obvious what I can and can’t, what I should and should not do without any thinking process.
In general, thinking is quite an inferior way to figure out the best decision to make, especially while driving, because it takes so much time, distracts from being present here and it’s always limited based on my past memories, experiences, conclusions, convictions, beliefs, hopes and fears. That is why it’s simply unacceptable to try to think while driving car in general. I’d compare it to daydreaming, so it’s a big NO for me to allow myself to not being present here. Of course, it can be alright if I direct myself through my mind to figure out what I have to do next, like appointment, shopping, do I need to rest, replenish – but only if it’s acceptable to ‘leave reality’ for a moment, no more – otherwise I am starting to compromise my commitment for safety.
That’s how self-agreement comes handy and it is also about knowing and understanding self, tendencies to fall into temptations for positive or negative emotional reactions, so then I immediately recognize the pattern and apply the re-alignment to get back HERE, where I am driving in and as the physical reality.
Let’s walk this, word by word, forgiving – giving for self an opportunity to understand why and how I am who I am today and to see what I can optimize in accordance of all participants in my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions, positive feelings, excitement and thrills during driving to the point of being influenced, distracted or overwhelmed, thus impairing my decision-making, driving skills to keep being able to apply safety just for experience over facts and physical reality here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react or in any way exert any negative emotion during driving, such as frustration, anger or blame to the point of distraction or obstruction – instead of seeing the seeds of reaction and preventing myself to give power to it/to react/to focus to my reaction/to spend time in the flames of emotions and thus distracting myself from applying practical common sense and maximum possible safety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated, angry and blaming when I can’t go as fast as I can or I want on the road with car due to other participants of the traffic, especially when I see ways people could be more considerate and respectful for my visible or invisible wish to go faster and not realizing that everyone has their own conviction, perception and judgment system, thus it is literally not personal when I am being blocked and whatever I feel, it is only me doing it, thus I also have the power and opportunity to stop myself reacting by understanding the specificity and consequence.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I define and judge people as not good enough on the road, highway(motorway, autobahn, etc), who do not follow the same guidelines, rules, etiquette as myself, because defining that to be the best and thus anyone not acting according to that, defining them as they are less efficient, effective, considerate by my definition of good, therefore also empowering the superiority pattern and not realizing that it renders me less considerate, present and directive and in general also becoming less disciplined, safe and enjoyable for myself and my passengers, other participants of the traffic.
I forgive myself that I have not realized when I have became a bully, an aggressor on the road by pressuring people to give way when I feel right to do so, basically, whenever they can apparently give way by moving from the inner lane to the outer, yet they do not do that, so then I feel that I need to find a way to make them move away and not realizing that in this situation I am bound to keep doing this pressure until I am able to take over and continue to go faster and not realizing that I do not care about the other person, everyone in that car, the traffic, safety and in general becoming tube-minded so to speak, only caring about going faster, making the other go faster or give way as soon as possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify going faster than the speed limit by declaring myself qualified and my car to be safe and powerful enough to drive fast yet not always considering the possible manifested consequences with practical common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only go fast/faster than the traffic just to feel that I am fast, to feel that I am faster, to have the thrill and excitement, instead of always considering if it’s safe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to go faster in curvy road to a point of not feeling 100% comfortable and safe with the speed but I need to fully focus to keep the car on the road just to take over slower cars and feel faster and better driver and not considering the risks, not only of myself, but other drivers, who might also react and thus raising the tendency to make mistakes, thus sabotaging absolute safety as pricinple.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I feel better driving when being able to go a least with a certain amount of speed, even though it is an ‘ideal’ speed and does not reflect the road’s condition, my car’s abilities and my actual skills.
I forgive myself that I have defined that any car what can’t go easily faster than the speed limit as inferior and automatically using that as judgment to their drivers/passengers and thus making me feel better by defining others worse and not realizing that this charges energy in my mind and distracts from effectiveness and safety to be applied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically think and define people driving fast and powerful cars as cool as my desire also being to be defined as such, comparing me to them, feeling superior and not realizing that any superiority is only a sign for a starting point of inferiority, which I disregard, distract myself from and not wanting, needing to face and transcend.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the initial inferiority I accept and allow within myself in regarding to driving and cars, due to my original fears and phobias and although I never resist now to drive in any condition, the need for superiority exposes this, it’s like I always need to generate points of feeling cool, otherwise I feel slow, mundane, boring, tiresome during driving, not realizing the addiction to stimulation and intensity.
I forgive myself that I have not realized within driving the ‘go slower, reach farther’, meaning if I do not speed, keep looking forward to look for ways to go faster, to take over, to pressure slower people to get out of the way, to fit through smaller spaces, etc – then I can simply relax and do not get tired as fast, allowing me to drive for more and within that to realize: speed does not matter much on long term, but consistency and presence does.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get caught on the speed-game when driving to levels wherein literally making my car consume double fuel just to go faster, even when I have time, or when defining I do not have time to actually just use it as excuse to rush into excitement and feel of power by speeding.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that other people can have different starting point, actual way to utilize vehicles and road than me, and to really drive well means to embrace everything about driving, cars, the road, including do not do things to others what I also would not like to be done to.
I forgive myself that I have deliberately excluded any environment-pollution-related responsibilities I can have with my vehicle on the roads, just because stating – this is my budget for this, there is nothing I can do about it and going slower does not make too much difference, so why bother – instead of even just to consider ‘ecological footprint’.
I forgive myself that I have not realized how easily self-interest can be justified by the amount of money one pays for something, then feeling rightful to do that, just because of worked for that money and then living out a sort of definition of ‘freedom’ by using it – with car and travelling especially.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have from time to time the wish to drive, not having an actual destination per say, just to have the driving experience as defining it calm, comfortable, exciting and interesting and at the same time having inner friction about it, suppressing it, giving into it, in general not seeing all the points here and making a decision at once, but to allow to be preoccupied and not digging down to the starting, trigger and manifesting consequence points of this sort of energetic temptation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand when I drive fast that it seems safe, simply by the physical law’s consideration, there is always risk and I can’t foresee exactly the chance for that.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I drive fast through the inner lane really fast while there are a bunch of cars moving in the outer lane that I am giving trust away to those people, their vehicles that they will not go to the inner/fast lane suddenly, as if they would, there would be easily a fatal accident and thus that’s why it’s always better to first assess those cars, their signs of direction and based on that to select my approach.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that even though some trucks are slower than me and my car, they are still driven by humans, they make decisions, they can make mistakes, they can go into mind-reaction, their big vehicle is also subjected to the law of physics, which is simple: big vehicle, big weight, what can crush even the safest car, thus to always be cautious around and making sure they do not need to diviate suddenly because of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am better driver than most meanwhile the fact is that when lot of people were asked, 80% stated that they are better than most, which obviously is only a perception and thus always remembering when accepting any reaction, thoughts, judgments about me being better than anyone by simply conviction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define driving cars what has not been rated one of the top safest cars by tests as inferior and stupid and not realizing the most important factor to safety is the driver.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow impatient when someone keeps blocking me going faster than them, meanwhile they could easily manage to give me way, and within that growing impatience losing awareness to safety and being civilised(do onto others what you would like to be done to you), instead of realizing that is lesser effectiveness as becoming distracted, not realizing, thus for efficiency, to remain at point, focusing to facts here is a better choice.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when people do not care or try to apply the best practical driving ways when being in traffic, with many other vehicles and realizing my only responsibility here is me to remain present, directive, responsible and effective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people who start to take over in the last moment in front of me the car in front of them when I come faster, thus me needing to slow down big time and then waiting a lot them to do the take over and get out of the way – and not realizing reacting, becoming agitated, frustrated, annoyed or angry is irresponsible, ineffective and immature.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define public roads as free for all, meaning people having more powerful and faster vehicles have more priority and right than those who drive slowly or less powerful cars and not realizing that everyone’s safety is equally important and whenever I would compromise that awareness, I need to stop in my mind, to re-align and focus on responsible, safe driving.
Of course, it really varies between countries, what’s normal, what’s acceptable and what’s safe, so this all is coming from someone living in Europe.
So this is good for a start, opened up some points, will continue with a bit deeper level, wording those feelings and emotions and to see why I accept those without awareness.
There is certainly a superiority-inferiority play as well by going faster than others, so will continue on that.
Another point I can react to in general is around ‘gas station’ – it’s like a tiny world, very specific things people usually do there and I also noticed some personality patterns, behavior, posing, acting out; coming from my mind what seems like an extra layer from simply being here and expressing myself in the moment, because of accepting convictions, desires, worries, etc.
So there is plenty of direction to continue to from now on.