Jozsef's Journey to Life

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/03/3 ... oldiering/

Continuing from my last post to decompose and release this rigid mind-state once and for all

IMG_1561Self-commitment is part of self-support I recommend everyone to do and to clarify how to proceed with sensitive, challenging and ‘bumpy ride’ states/situations. It’s like a screenplay for making a movie wherein I am the director of my life, not my current state.

I commit myself to stop self-soldiering, meaning to control myself with emotions and inner conflict based on fear and self-interest – by facing the self-definitions and self-judgments and forgive myself for accepting and allowing to participate and re-create those energetic experiences to manipulate me to do or not do something I can’t directly manage based on my past I have not yet let go.

I commit myself to always remember to return to the physical presence and inner clarity when starting to feel overwhelmed by reactions, definitions, judgments, uncertainty, anxiety or resistances – simply let breath through all my beingness and become aware of what is my current state physically and emotionally – and take responsibility to clear myself when losing direction and practical common sense.

I commit myself to enjoy learning how to be vulnerable and open to myself, so no need to suppress anything coming up in my mind but to acknowledge, embrace and take responsibility for and by knowing that I can deal with this and sooner the better – if can’t re-align in the moment with direction, then to take time to write it out, recognize the patterns, starting point and judgments to forgive myself for accepting to participate.

I commit myself to drop acting and pretending to be strong when feeling weak just to build fake confidence by trying to manipulate how I judge myself based on how I judge as perceiving others judging me and rather focus on self-trust accumulation from small acts to consistent presence and direction.

I commit myself to stop judging how I look, how I sound and how I behave when I present, when I look back videos of me, and I accept the facts how I am today and focusing on how and who I am going to be from this moment without judgment but structure, plan, consideration and reality-awareness.

I commit myself to stop fighting what I can not win and especially stopping to fight with myself and to recognize in these cases I need to get real and open up the point I am refusing to directly see and own as responsibility by utilizing words and consideration of facts and consequences in accordance of what is best for all participants in common sense.

I commit myself to start focusing on how I really am currently and work with what is here, totally stopping the participation within fake characters and personalities in order to appear more appealing to myself and others and embrace and accept who I am and to work with that, what is here.

I commit myself to keep writing this blog consistently to document and substantiate my change from conflict in consciousness to clarity in awareness by walking through all the mind components, mind-constructs and mind-patterns of self-dishonesty to STOP all, one breath at a time.

I commit myself to continue re-designing and re-defining myself, including physical presence, behavior and posture to how to approach and solve problems without inner conflict, doubt and fear by trusting what I have, what I can direct(myself) and what I can change.

I commit myself to stop controlling myself with positive feelings and negative emotions when resisting to do something I want or have to and simply realizing that anything I resist within my mind is based on a perception I define myself to be – so it is to forgive myself for self-defining that and to prevent myself going back to the same pattern but to breathe, to explore what’s beyond this pattern who I can be.

I commit myself to stop wanting to appear more stronger and bigger, more confident than I am and to work with elimination of doubt and fear and insecurity through self-forgiveness and real time change.

I commit myself to believe that soldiers are great and I should be soldier because then I am stronger and I can win, and to realize that fighting within me is against me and rather to communicate with myself and to establish self-agreement with practical common sense.

I commit myself to stick to blogging, walking DIP course, utilizing notebook, post it papers, to-do lists and writing plans to overcome any inner conflict within by reality awareness, structure and considerate planning.

I commit myself to allow myself to relax and enjoy the moments from time to time and communicate and feel my body as it is without judgement and to support and practically love it with sufficient rest and nourishment.

I commit myself to realize that I can be relaxed and moving, being busy at the same time and it is to exist without judgement and comparison, polarity and fear.

I commit myself to keep working on my physical posture as keeping my back straight and my head forward, my chin up and shoulders back and relaxed until it is my natural and to-be returned state of being to support my movement in reality – from my mind into and as physical.

I commit myself to work on points what cause me to react within, such as financial points, desires, sexuality, physical body and posture, nourishment and considering mid-and long-term plans in my life.

I commit myself to stop soldiering myself, meaning to control, manipulate and dominate myself based on possessions of delusions and convictions instead of self-communication, self-trust and self-nourishment with practical common sense.

Learn to direct one’s life with clarity and understanding through self-communication and self-agreement, self-forgiveness and self-honesty:

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

after LITE to continue to grow with:

http://desteniiprocess.com

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

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https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/04/1 ... judgments/

In reflection of my several last posts:

My recent times were quite busy that sometimes had to drop the re-designing, stopping application for what I am changing within myself, however in overall the “self-soldiering”, as I named the mind-pattern has reduced significantly. At times when I find inner conflict, I rather stop, take some deep breaths and to see how can I find the practical solution.
When I can’t find the best approach in one ‘sit’ – I let it go, if makes sense, I make notes and will find it next time.

This seems odd that such normal application has to be pronounced, yet what often can happen is that a person is fully capable of making good decisions when it’s about work, navigating in the world system (buying/registering/taxing cars for instance) yet when it is about SELF HERE in living application in terms of self-honesty, mind-patterns and mind-constructs – a person just takes everything granted and accepting their faith.

Within spirituality – which I am enjoying to clarify – ‘I am not spiritual’ – meaning I do not hold onto anything from this world, knowledge and vocabulary of spirituality in order to focus to become a better version of myself every day.
I find spirituality, such as religions as well a plus, extra construct to utilize and thus creates self-separation, cognitive dissonance and more mind-work, in terms of thinking, emotions and feelings – instead of directly focusing on LIVING WORDS in and as the physical.

Recently was a cool challenge/share in the desteni facebook group about people share a picture of themselves and others share what do they see, “feel”.

It’s a cool play as one has to cross-reference the things being said about oneself and also cool to see how the mind can have a tendency to categorize the other’s comments as ‘positive’ – ‘negative’; or even neutral.

Also during the photo taking application I was focusing on what is going on in my head.

So this post should be about that from now on.

When I took the picture, I was trying to push my chin out as much as I can as in general that’s what I am busy working with. Oftentimes finding that when I pull back into my mind and becoming suppressive, reactive, passive, my chin is a bit pulled back and this is like that since childhood and realized this I can and thus should change.
I also think – based on my observation and judgement of myself – that I am more attractive when my chin is more forward, which is kind of ridiculous and something to re-align with to not get trapped into another self-defining and thus self-limiting construct based on self-interest.

Self-interest is an interesting concept as if self is identified and recognized as all as one as equal as life – and one indeed acts based on what’s best for all participants, then even this term can be re-defined in the greater good.

In this sense that to be perceived as more attractive can become one’s interest with which de-prioritizing real values and priorities in this world.

In this sense the character I was within was to not only pretend but embody strength, stability and playfulness and openness.

Usually I do not give much attention to the immense amount of selfies I encounter on social media – something I should look at why being annoyed if someone posts a portrait of themselves multiple times a day – although I have very specific and refined purpose for using and sharing social media, which is to find and share self-supporting posts, mostly from desteni communities but sometimes also about the world, in general.

Not the action is what can be ‘uncool’ as here ‘taking selfies’ – thus basically me ignoring those shares of others, but also when they share what is the point they are looking at while doing it can make a huge difference.
Of course, also can be that people working on themselves – to liberate oneself from the ego and not doing it in the name of vanity, just when they do not say a word, it can be challenging to ‘judge’ – hehe – such a word.

So yes, definitely a selfie is something what one also can utilize to decompose and release self-delusions, if self-honesty, supportive tools and application is applied (such as the LITE desteniiprocess.com course) or in general writing, sounding self-forgiveness to take responsibility.

Thus, proceeding with my self-forgiveness in reflection to selfies, judgement and reactions to transform my standing and movement into clarity with alignment to what’s best for all participants in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on how I look and how I perceive myself automatically without questioning my judgement and also without fully understanding why I do what I specifically do in that reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience the reaction to my self-judgement of feeling attractive in order to stimulate myself into an energetic state of self-acceptance based on a picture presentation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sensical benefit of utilizing pictures such as to discover mind-patterns and self-judgement to understand and liberate myself from them, or to find unhealthy or unpractical physical postures I accept myself to exist within; instead of straighten my back, pulling back my shoulder, pushing out my chest and putting my chin up in a structured support for me being present, directive and stable unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as posing when, after a while spending time without being in a healthy physical posture, that I am overdoing it, thus feeling awkward and again – unnatural, unhealthy and not realizing that this overdoing is coming from my mind to compensate what I have accepted and allowed to do, and thus wanting it to undo, more than it is required – and thus exposing the polarity construct within my mind of negative and positive, being addicted to positivism and avoidance, suppression or even becoming paranoid of negativity, whereas practical common sense is to simply re-align into healthy posture without any reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the strive to be judged as being attractive is due to lack of self-respect, self-love, self-care and self-honesty, thus anytime discovering this need, strive or desire, it is to recognize the opportunity to embrace and practically love myself ; also by realizing that if I rely on others to make me judge myself that I am attractive, I will be always the slave for my own mind-compass, which makes me feel good or bad based on the already accepted and repeated mind-patterns and constructs.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that although it is supportive to utilize my physical body to stabilize and emphasize my physical presence, it is not posture what defines, liberates or directs me but myself from within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that posture is also an expression and reflection of who I am within as life within self-honesty, thus with this to assist and support myself to balance out the physical application with self-honest approach, application and awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who constantly taking photo of their face, body to share as in fact I might not really know what’s going on with them, what’s the purpose or starting point, in overall their process, thus rather focusing on what I can change and take responsibility for, which is myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the nature of my mind as picture-oriented and sometimes judging myself being ugly, while sometimes judging myself being nice and not realizing that these are inflations of my lack of self-trust and self-honesty and thus they are great opportunity to understand more, stop these patterns and develop consistency and effectiveness within my every day applications.

I see, realize and understand that picture is part of current world system interaction, especially pictures of ourselves thus I do not judge, I do not categorize, do not blame but to see what delusions as reactions I still accept automatically and to focus on stopping, re-aligning, changing to become more grounded, present and directive within the application of what is best for all participants, including myself here without any suppression, overdoing or obsession.

I commit myself to continue re-aligning and finding ways to support my process of self-realization within self-honesty and self-forgiveness through physical body awareness and postures in a self-supportive, natural and patient, confident way as often unpractical, unhealthy postures, such as lump, pulled in chin or shoulder, chest indicates suppression and preoccupation in the mind.

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/04/2 ... awareness/

We all know there is kinesiology working, meaning professionals can utilize the human physical body to assist with specific mind-issues and it is an indication for a potential not many use within self-honesty, including myself.

What I have noticed is that I can catch micro-expressions on my face for instance when participating in communication or social interaction with others.
Sometimes I can notice that some part of my face can have a tick, a glitch, a slight movement automatically – other body parts, hands, legs also can ‘pick up’ slight mind-movements, but the discovery started with my face.

I remember, when Sunette told me in 2010 that there are specific TV-series what are built around truths in terms of self-support, for instance ‘Lie to me’ – wherein a specialist group focuses on the human face’s micro-expressions to solve social challenges, problems, including crime. They ask tough questions to the accused and the look/record their face, measure blood pressure, etc.

The body as being aware really knows what’s going on in our minds, the question is that what we are going to do with it.

A slight frown, a tiny bit of lip-glitch, reaction of surprise, anger, disgust, fear or desire are strong indications for the person’s reactions, regardless of their intent to try to hide it.

Now as a politician makes more sense to use Botox or specific pills, so they act their pre-designed role without being triggered.

The power of the Process of Self-realization is to bring all back to Self and to see what’s self-honest and what not, to guide oneself through the sometimes definitely challenging dilemmas, choices and decisions by seeing any reaction, automatic response, triggered body movement, physical feeling and to understand why, what’s really happening.

Why is this important? Because it is not the default to always know and understand why do we feel and do the way we live and oftentimes people can be unaware of suppression, judgement or any form of self-limitation.

It is almost too natural to automatically blame, project, justify and delude ourselves and thus others that an individual with a healthy attitude must look for ways to become aware of these less obvious reactions and responses.

What I start to utilize from this is that when I realize that my face does some automatic movement, reaction, that I need to look into my head, quite literally to see what’s going on, what I react to and why.

One of my life-along journey is to decompose and stop suppression, meaning not to ‘live inside as in and as my mind and based on that react with physical actions’ but to express myself in and as physical movement, direction and clarity.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that there is suppression going on within myself and only catching it by feeling my body, my face moves, does involuntary reactions, such as tightening my lip, ticking somewhere, a muscle stretching BY a thought process or a specific emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be intimate with myself on beingness, mind and body level to be aware of all internal processes, on the level of thoughts, feelings and emotions so then to see the motivation behind my decisions, choices and actions because being caught up in the preoccupation of those thoughts, feelings and emotions and their energetic reactions and to believe and act as this is who I am; instead of seeing and realizing that I primarily exist in my mind and thus being limited and not trusting and BEING truly physical here, but existing in and as this separation based on polarity and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be quite in my mind so then to see when any mind pattern or construct is being activated and how exactly I am limiting myself to my past, fears and self-limitations.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my entire human physical body is here as the living expression of awareness, and the very fact that I am not aware of what is going on in it proves that I am separated from this opportunity and expression of living in awareness, thus the common sense solution is to de-prioritize my mind-related activities and literally spend more time in and as the body, here, with and as the physical and to realize that the mind is a tool, an organic machine which is already programmed and might not be – facts are proving that – it is not practical, self-honest or expressing what is best for all participants in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be aware of my micro-expressions what indicate reaction, inner dialogue, friction or conflict wherein I preoccupy myself with the judgement, reaction and based on that I mis-perceive what is really going on here in reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is not to fight, hide or suppress my face, body’s reactions so then I can keep pretending that I am not reacting, but to utilize it to understand myself more in order to stop all bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have not developed a natural expression to discover and understand my face, body’s micro-expressions to expose self-dishonesty to be able to stop and change for good.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the importance of always being aware of what my body is showing to me in any given moment and that the very fact of not being aware of it indicating that I need to STOP and decompose the patterns I participate, such as emotions, thoughts and feelings, being specific to WORD my experience, NAME the pattern and understand the construct.

I forgive myself that I have not realized what are the signs my body showing when I am participating in self-suppression and self-denial through self-judgement and self-dishonesty and thus

I commit myself to develop a practical skill to utilize my human physical body’s reactions and involuntary, automatic movements, signs to see when I am being dishonest, how I am doing it so then I can become aware of how to stop such patterns.

I commit myself to focus on my direct physical expression, movement and action instead of thinking and reacting in my head by believing that it is a safe and useful virtual space to live within and also committing myself to make accumulative effort to bring myself back here into direct physical presence and action and to utilize my mind as a tool to reveal or understand things FROM the starting point of absolute self-honesty.

I commit myself to see what is causing me to suppress and not move, express and to dismantle all the judgement systems within me so then I can become more direct and physical living expression unconditionally.

I commit myself to make notes and word down the points I discover during being aware of what my body is showing to me so then I do not forget, I do not time-loop.

This point opened up during my recent commitment and application of fine-tuning and changing my body posture, how I stand, how I sit, how I walk and how I do not allow to ‘swallow’ my chin but to push it forward to assist and support my birthing as life from the physical.
It is still not ‘satisfying’ and becoming default to not being compromised how I exist and express myself in and as my body, thus this process continues, meanwhile also working through the resistances, excuses and judgments.

Once discovering more, will continue sharing about this.

I also just realized the whole series of BODY LANGUAGE interviews at EQAFE focusing on this topic, so will listen them to see what I can utilize during this process of realization.

https://eqafe.com/series/83-body-language

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/04/2 ... -movement/

How can I indulge into a self-deception around utilizing pain as excuse not to move?

I got pain – not too often, but nowadays there is more, got some cold/mild infection around my right ear, the whole right part of my head hurts when I make a swift move or when it’s cold.

There is something dual wired in my mind about pain which is not entirely clear, so let’s do clarify it here.

First of all – pain in my right ear – which is like a yearly appearance in my life – sounds like I have pain to be right here, meaning in my mind it starts to become painful to be consistently here, so I just try not to hear what is going on.

So when I have pain, I have this dual triggering within me – from one side, I feel pain, I should just stay still until the pain goes away, until that just relax, be entertained, rest and take it easy.

The another notion I also have is what Bernard (mr Poolman) told me when I was at the Desteni farm almost a decade ago:

When you are in pain, move immediately!
The most practical action one can do – in fact one should always move no matter what, meaning to express self – but when something causing pain, the best to DO something about it.

Sometimes when I am ill and having a lot of pain, I give into it and doing nothing and it is fine but the pain does not really go away and when I start moving and doing, getting things done – regardless of the type of pain – then it starts to go away. In the mind it can be inflated as well.

Pain is such a mystery in a way, what it makes me to be and do.

Sometimes, while embracing pain, I go into it, breathing, experiencing with no resistance – and in a way it’s empty, it’s just an information, but that there can become an other self-definition and then again – separating the ‘myself’ experience from the physical, which is procrastination.

Another times when I am in pain, I am becoming very punctual and effective. It’s like ‘I am suffering, yet this has to be done, so the best is to do it with the most practical way, no waste of time.’
And that no bullshit attitude has some ingredient of self-presence what probably moves forward the recovering and fading the pain.

So it is also about to be able to distinguish mind-pain and physical pain.

It’s like when seeing rich, depressed people sitting there and obviously having zero fun and all the financial freedom potential they carry without being able to utilize. Does not even matter if they are rich or poor, the worst prison is the mind-prison, because it’s self-sentenced and self-served.

I KNOW that these annoying one-week-off painful illnesses are consequences of becoming obsessive in my mind and generating too much energy out of my physical – yet still being able to fall into.

For so long I believed that if I have pain, I should endure it, by embracing I will understand more, although when I have to work at the same time it is literally no fun and affecting my effectiveness as can become an other way of mind-spiral, just going into this ‘pain – pain – pain’ pattern without direction.

So that’s how recently became a condition – when my pain is growing on me so much that I can not do anything and I am not very-very sick, I consider taking the edge of the pain away. Nurophen or Rubophen, Algopyrin or Aspirin, Lemsip or Neocitran – temporally salvation from the reality consequence I’ve manifested.

The key is recognition here, to be brave enough to admit to myself of what was the stupid mind-pattern I got hooked onto and manifesting this level of distress wherein my mind-body-beingness responding with suffering. Otherwise the painkiller is only serving suppression and postponement.

There is so much duality and friction potential I can see in my mind, even right now – it’s astonishing , it’s literally like a fractal kaleidoscope generator – for instance the thought occurred to me – pain makes me grumpy – and then next thought was ‘grumpy can be good sometimes’ – ‘but not too much’ – ‘better to appreciate the moments of no-pain – once pain is going away’.

So it’s like an excuse as well – I am in pain now, I am ill/sick, I can have a ‘fuck off, world’ flag and just indulge into self-interest without shame. Regardless of if I move or I don’t.

It is almost like self-created in order to justify the level of self-interest I accepted to exist within.

I always disliked pain. Of course, most people do. That primal response what thunders through my whole body and beingness when there is a pain, it’s really powerful.

It’s like adrenaline pumped into my brain, clearing off anything else but the pain and there are certain types what I am probably good with enduring – when mosquitoes bite, usually I do not really care, although that’s not really pain, rather annoyance.
The potential of Pain can make one not to move or look or realize something – but at the same time can also support movement and realization – it’s really up to self.

Pain can make people do things what they would never even consider just to have a glimpse of hope of stopping the pain.

Also, when the pain is obviously not going away, there is a real embrace what can happen and as humans can get used to literally almost anything, this is not an exception either.

But pain changes people so definitely worth investigating one’s relationship with it, which I am going to do and continue this later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined and influenced by pain without understanding and awareness but to automatically react with avoidance of pain at all times, no matter what type of or kind of pain it is or is it actually real or only perceived pain due to a self-definition-type of delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and utilize pain as an excuse and justification of why not move, express self-movement, stopping or change when it’s common sense to do it, just it might involve uncomfortability/pain.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to WORD the PAIN I am experiencing and thus not being clear on what is the actual painful point in my life in the moment and thus only reacting to my memories, definitions and reactions to pain and rendering myself automatic with consent and hope of that I do not need to experience the pain soon because it makes me not move, however it is me what make me not move, and the pain here is just justification.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I keep getting obsessed with things in my mind and not stopping but only intensifying and spiraling down with total lack of self-respect and self-honesty, then all those energetic experiences can and eventually will mess up something healthy in and as my human physical body and then I definitely will have an unpleasant experience wherein I know that I will be less effective – yet when I am IN the pattern, just not stopping.

When and as I see, realize and understand that I am in an mind-possession, which can be just like an obsession with something/someone and keep ‘minding’ about it, I remember and making myself clear on the fact that I KNOW WHERE THIS LEADS TO, which I do not want and I would only regret doing, so I STOP – I stop this pattern and reconsider if the action I was within while being in this mind-pattern is really supporting me and all life here – and if not, then to be direct and firm to STOP.

I commit myself to not get obsessed with the things in my mind in order to intensify and stimulate more level of energy because it is not life, it is not supporting and it is definitely not healthy for the physical because it’s fluctuations and movements are overwhelming and weakening the body which then will need more rest and recovery, meanwhile having pain.

I commit myself pain not to make stop moving, and to realize – I check how much I should get done while being in pain by considering my physical condition and limits, what is healthy to do, for instance not to try to run with a broken leg or when got cold to wear a beanie and not spend time in cold for too long. Simplicity is key and if I can’t apply that – it is undeniable the necessity to STOP and let go all I was busy participating within for a while to be able to see it clearly.

I see and realize and understand that pain is also me, an aspect of me showing what is the consequence, yet it is not to be taken personally or reacting to it as it is only a symptom of something else and it should be clear what I can support myself with to heal this pain and it’s cause.

I commit myself to be able to see what’s mind-pain, wherein I create my own hell so to speak and to exist within it making me feeling worse up to a point of manifesting actual physical pain – and within that recognition I commit myself to STOP.

When and as I have difficulty to stop with a pattern what can cause me to manifest pain, I write, I chat with my DIP buddy, the group and ask for support.

When and as I see that I am utilizing pain as an excuse not to do or behave according to what seems to be the best option, then I forgive myself for using pain as justification not to stand up as life and I stop using pain as an excuse and focusing on recovering with practical common sense and committing myself not to use pain as excuse for crap I should have done yet did not or should have not done yet I did.

I commit myself to keep my commitments real and as action, regardless of the pain I experience and only reconsidering when it is obviously something what needs resting in priority.
I commit myself to embrace pain yet not to get influenced by it to a point of not applying myself within self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop fearing pain and painful situations by realizing that truth hurts and it’s the only way forward to stop escaping pain but to face it and remain who I am as Life within and as pain as well.

I commit myself to keep preventing myself to harm my human physical body with obsessive, repetitive, recreational mind-patterns but to utilize the desteni tools and start accumulating physical action, such as writing and sounding self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to learn how to breathe properly with presence and self-direction, regardless of pain or pleasure.

I commit myself to utilize pain as learning and understanding when it occurs and instead of trying to get rid of it or suppressing it without questioning, to ask why is this happening and how can I relate into self-honesty application from here.

https://eqafe.com/p/pain-as-self-perfec ... troduction

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/05/0 ... ip-course/
Just about any particular word in our mind’s vocabulary, there are so many layered systems influencing our decisions without any real awareness of manifesting consequences.
There is like word to use it in a condition, I try to grab a thing I word, but in fact it’s not direct one and equal expression and living and experience, but it is surrounded by these polarity systems completely infesting the whole experience for a specific type of control what our mind’s limitation dictates and it is quite scary to realize it in a way; yet liberating, because then there is a way out solution, liberation through writing words, decomposing associations and reactions to words and understanding their origin, and thus our own creation.
And within that lies the ability to change, the focus to manifest so to speak better future.
In this it’s really fascinating to understand that one has no escape but literally sit down and write out these timelines and mind constructs with Desteni I Process Pro course, because before one is reaching this level of direction, application, awareness and responsibility in practical action, until that there is no real discussion about any kind of or level or true self-realization, because everything is infected through these systems, what has been within our minds in order to be able to justify the choice we already made yet at certain situations we still believe that we are making the decisions what are directing our lives, however it is so far from this.
That’s why it’s fascinating to literally face and push breath by breath through the resistance to apply this quite long yet extremely rewarding process of writing through self-forgiveness.
And within that lies the even more direct realization is that what only matters is 1+1=2 in terms of accumulation of action. So that’s why anyone who thinks freely have no idea about any sort of freedom.
And it does not mean that one should not think anything at all, ever. Still directing words through the mind means I can utilize certain capabilities of my mind, however I am in direction and I am the creator of the consequences, not some decision based on self-interest, because everything has this polarity system good or bad, leveling up all together and then making the priority decision on what to focus to and how.

And it’s all kind of revealing, because as one starts to understand and discover these layered systems and programmed mind-functions the more one is able to observe these systems in others so that also becomes a responsibility. Shall I? or How, or why or not?
It’s really just when catching these points, when I was looking away in this moment, there was this tendency to think, jump away with some thought pattern from this moment/movement, because thinking seems fast and thus effective, however it’s just a well oiled system, so easy to make it move and influence and direct.
However always behind all of these decisions is self, myself making the decisions, even though it seems easy to make these decisions, almost like, just like a flipper game, bouncing between these condition systems, eventually making a decision of what is best for me, so what’s I am going to do.
That’s basically simple, everyone, self-interest. Even when one thinks, ‘I am here to help others’ – that’s their interest. The actual accumulation of real change what they bring, and real help is always questionable.
Charity – all are just for the show, justifying self-interest, greed, addiction.

It’s one thing to realize this, and another is not to go into ‘knowledge-mode’, because knowledge without application is useless, here meaning to bring this all back to self.

What is my interest, what are my decisions, what are my systematic reactions to words, situations, who am I within those moments?

It’s so easy to justify patterns what constitutes my self-definition, let’s get an example in the dynamics of my colleagues/friends and myself in regarding to certain qualities people associate me with.

Coffee

Always striving towards the best coffee
Not shying away to express my disappointment in less quality coffee
Rather not having coffee if it’s not as good as I like
It’s justifiable to pay more, even double price for better coffee
I prefer drinking it pure, black – no milk, sugar or cacao or cinnamon
It seems that I prefer these conditions to be applied in my life, people remember me based on these expressions of mine.
These are typical self-definitions to keep an eye on to ensure not to become self-limited by simple ideas…

Of course the system of this self-definition is less ‘radical’ as extra conditions can change it – when there is no way getting good coffee and I feel that I need it’s effect, I do not care of the fancy quality or when I think it’s cappuccino time, it’s okay with milk plus cacao

So who am I within this? Why I prioritize quality coffee? Who I become with the better coffee experience and expression?

The LOGIC within this is that there are explanations for all of these statements, it’s easy to justify.

Some people are good with the all in one nescafe-powder, for me that feels like a punishment. Too less coffee, too much chemical, sugar and the taste is also mediocre.

Not even going into the whole corporation’s character and actions – Nestle – sending money to them is literally supporting predatory capitalism and exploitation in a way. They are not evil though – it’s a system and accumulation creates it.

It is all fine to see it from different angles, until I do not lose the big picture – I mean the greatest view or canvas of all life – which seems so much greater and literally in physical size bigger than myself that I easily can justify an experience of insignificance and powerlessness, which again would end up justifying to pursue my own self-interest, as I am so insignificant, my choices do not ripple to a world change, who else should give me my happiness, than me, so hell yes, I pursue this quantitative feeling good experience.
Of course by dissected, decomposed and understood, all the ‘good and positive’ I gain from the key word to be experienced here: quality – all I manifest is polarity, so then I will be exposed to experience the ‘crap’, which then automatically falls into the ‘bad and negative’ – as nothing can be good without something already being bad.

And it’s all self-created. How this decision can affect all life in existence, one might asks.
Coffee comes from plantations, people work there, someone owns the land, the corporation, the transport, the market, the bank providing the money system, the law what controls the flow, the army what guards the pillars in that system, the media what influences the minds towards impulses to buy coffee.
There are participants all over, even though it just seems like a handful of coffee grind I consider, the footprint of my tiny decision accumulates into patterns of a greater scale, dozens, hundreds, thousands and millions do matter and manifest.

It’s like a plastic garbage – if I litter in the forest alone, probably noone notices, but if a thousand people go there and one from ten throws away, there will be a hundred garbage, probably staying there for a thousand year.

If I buy a coffee from a producer what uses child-labor with exploitation, with my money I keep sending them to, so they probably will invest from that money to strengthen and protect their business.

Recently I bought this coffee in Galway city, something like ‘Equal Exchange, Women farmers grew this organic ground coffee, they respect fine taste’ – not that I was mesmerized by the positive feedback of ‘me saving the world and all women with this’, but rather out of curiosity how it tastes and how I would relate these words.
Not really knowing how much I really make a difference with this, actually I did not do any research on this company, product, it’s impact – but certainly there is a notion of, if possible and not being too uncomfortable, it seems logical to do things what seem good.

That’s a self-interest there, purely.

I feel good, when I think I do good. My vocabulary says, good means good for me and others as well.

How is this still self-interest? It’s all in the mind, about how I feel, not what I do accumulate. That part I only can hope in this scenario. So that’s also an interesting pillar in this – the complete lack of self-direction through hope.
Hope is like an attraction, so in polarity terms, there is some resistance waiting to be manifested to make it ‘real’ to my mind.

So – this whole rant is just about making the point of how enchanting one can feel about making self-interest to seem like not self-interest – again, for and as self-interest.

The practical action is to consider all participants up to my capabilities within self-honesty and acting based on that realization, even if it means it’s not making me feel good – or bad, which can be for just to be able to double down on the ‘being good by that’ side.

If I would have not writing this whole thing down, but doing it in my head – nothing is substantial, I make the word-associations and reactions much-faster, I do not move physically, thoughts trigger emotions/feelings, more thoughts, and I can be automatically moved, overwhelmed, influenced so quickly that I am not even realizing it.

That’s why the writing, that’s why the looking the dynamic of the words – as I was writing all out from me, I am here, empty, clear, stable and vigilant to notice any self-dishonesty, any self-interest, any polarity, anything automatic.

Everyone has their own life, realization and expansion process, it’s really rewarding to face brutal, heavy, difficult, annoying or problematic points within one’s life when those are literally imprisoning us; however it’s also intriguing to find moments of clarity and stability and actively look for apparently less important or ‘huge’ points and still applying the same principles of writing, understanding, realizing and forgiving, committing to change and finding the practical action to live that. Oftentimes these ‘small’ points carry the same signature as our ‘huge’ life-challenge points, and can give good insight and support.
Even more sense to start accumulating self-direction and expansion with points what we are not totally scared of, but seemingly small – just to remember – scale is also relevant and do not allow polarity to screw you over and ending up falling into reaction, judgement and emotions.

That’s why the basics of self-support needs to be studied and learned to apply in practical action.

DIP LITE free course helps with that. It’s amazing!

DIP PRO will show more details on the human mind and it’s patterns, and how to work with deeper patterns – absolutely recommended!

Everything forms us who we become and leave behind, for me one of the greatest gifts was, is and going to be are the Desteni I Process courses.
I do not gain any benefit by ‘promoting it’ – it’s really that great so it’s worth sharing why it’s the greatest online school at the moment!

Everyone has their own way, pattern and even justification why they do not need to check DIP out, why not to start applying it – by the numbers of people applying it and keep growing with it’s support – it does not seem too much, yet each of them are guaranteed that they take away something for their all life with a greater understanding
even if they stop applying it, at least they will always know – this is what can have results, not the mantra or prayers, because it’s tangible, accumulative and measurable, works with words, reactions, patterns, physical timelines and commitments, self-change and expansion.

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/05/3 ... -problems/

This I noted recently:

If I stay in the mind, I forget, I miss, I get distracted

To clarify some things:

I used to fight my mind, it’s easy to blame it, to define as the boogeyman – but it’s just a mechanism, a self-aware consciousness manifestation of all my acceptances and allowances and will always show me my limitation.
It’s easy to fall into the intensity game with energetic experiences as with those I can lift off myself from another energetic experiences and in the meantime it FEELS like movement, velocity, expression – yet it is still self-suppression as I do not live directly in and as the physical with self-trust.

The more I fight – the more I struggle, the more I sink because as I am fighting with myself – I will win, sure, but I also will lose and this path is never ending, yet I do not really change or expand.

Instead of fighting, embracing and calming, stopping and releasing the patterns is more practical and effective.

Within my current DIP Pro course assignment I’ve tapped into a pattern I share here, which is to avoid conflicts.
Because conflicts always get me, I get influenced, dragged into and eventually I will be angry at myself as at least I know that I am always responsible for my anger, being angry at myself. So ended up with suppression, avoiding conflicts with myself and others.

Avoiding conflict with myself results with suppression and not challenging my limitations.

Avoiding conflicts with others results also with suppression and not speaking and speaking up, not directing my life effectively and definitely becoming angry with myself eventually.

So it is something I need to work through with self-forgiveness and self-corrective action.

With my wonderful DIP course buddy, what makes the course more awesome, I got a quite wake-up call by making me aware of the fact that I have problem with the word ‘problem’ as it already initiates an energetic response by default, as based on my past and memory and self-definition – problems are … well, in my head are more problem than they actually are.

This is how I started to walk it:

I forgive myself that I have not realized how I define and avoid anything labeled as problem and making it more than it is in my mind and within that not realizing the overall mood and energetic charge I boost myself into, wherein I spend time with the reactions to the defined problem, instead simply focusing to a situation I am dealing with, letting go the label of problem and the associations to the word ‘problem’.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I carry memories of the past about the word ‘problem’ and seeing, interpreting, making myself feel as it is a ‘boogeyman’, meaning anything problem-atic is something what definitely will make me react, sweat and suffer by default and not allowing myself to naturally grow, to embrace situations without reacting to my judgments about them.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have believed and defined myself to be ineffective, bad, weaken when facing a situation wherein I immediately have to respond to and within that defining ‘real time’ situations/issue/challenges as problematic and not realizing that it is of doubt, fear of mistakes, fear of judgments and fear of consequences, which is not specific to the actual scenario, but (w)allowing myself into the past, because it is ‘known’ and defining that ‘knowledge’ as useful, familiar, safe – yet not realizing that I am locking myself into a conditioning, yet I can also forgive and let go.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the word problem carries signatures of worry, annoyance, chore, tiredness and limitation, and keep accepting myself to exist within this automatic association, instead of forgiving myself for accepting to define, relate and think problem as something not good automatically and thus pre-determining my experiences and moments based on my past.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that problem can be also re-defined, such a something challenging to embrace and grow with by solving and thus also to see that worry and anxiety is never common sense to choose, yet if I fall into, it is me who can and should say STOP when noticing this pattern to emerge from within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my personality and beingness is influenced and shaped by the consistent reactions to situations what I automatically judge as problematic, difficult, exhausting, annoying and limiting; instead of realizing that the attitude and starting point change from automatic negative association to self-created clarity and emptiness within my mind can assist and support me to grow out of automatic falling into those patterns with presence, breathing with physical awareness and decisions of actions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve projected ‘problem’ to X.(a person), in general to his personality, behavior and expression, thus anytime meeting him or anyone similar in this regard – automatically rendering myself to keep an eye to a possible, extra problem to need to deal with and thus automatically defining the person as ‘there is a limit of them being with me’ and within that not realizing that what I try to avoid and resist is MY OWN reactions, judgments, projections, because I can’t stop reacting to those, thus making me unstable and unreliable, yet blaming X for that.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I keep blaming people who are not defined by me as simple and predictable, so it is them who make me react, not myself, and thus not focusing to SELF HERE, but to their patterns to judge and justify co-existing with in inner conflict, yet it is a simple decision and action to ALWAYS STOP and PREVENT blame and take the point back to self.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I fear conflicts, because within that I lose control and suppression, pretending and acting, because within conflict I am automatically triggered to radical emotional accumulation, ending up with exerting anger or further suppression; instead of embracing the conflicts I resist and understand them as myself and focusing on solving, transcending them as my own limitations by realizing – everything is as it is, labels I can dissolve to discover what’s here and possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize polarity with word problem to balance with SOLUTION as everything I define as problem needs to be solved or let go or justified why keep accepting and within that not realizing that my stability, expression and self here depends on the definition of solution, problem and within that not realizing that solution can be subjective and free-form as well, not needs to be defined based on my problems.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to exist within the mind-set of problems and solutions, limiting my perception with polarity, energetic experiences and being gullible to react and get distracted by the reactions; instead of developing the skill and ability to keep at point of self-expression HERE, present and directive – and not only to see problems and solutions, but simply trust self and do my best with whatever I encounter.

I forgive myself that I have not worded to myself something what I kept carrying through the decades as ‘problem’, such as “I do not like asking people to do something that I know or believe they dislike or hate doing because I fear being a nuisance to them” and within that immediately realizing that this is not common sense as I can’t know how people would react and also there are situations wherein it does not matter how someone can react to it – because people have agreed roles and responsibilities and based on that, what I have to tell them, does not matter how it would ‘feel’ within them, or within myself – so instead of focusing on living compassion, practicality and effectiveness and with that to consider others and myself, yet also focusing on an approach what does not make me feeling bad, but rather see it as a challenge and something I can even enjoy learning as an ability.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I avoid and fear of conflicts because within those I react, fall into emotions, polarity and self-interest, so trying to avoid those situations, yet not realizing that the very avoidance of that is already self-interest as making me assume that I react, fall apart and become emotional within conflicts, thus self-defining, crystallizing my limitation and not allowing myself to naturally grow out of this pattern with confidence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the key within conflicts and friction to anchor myself HERE into and as physical presence and thus remain present, directive and disciplined with the prevention of reaction, polarity and doubt.

I forgive myself that I have defined myself to be annoyed by becoming a nuisance to people and within that not realizing that I focus to my reactions, based on that focusing to what others might feel and then based on that to define how I should feel about my expression and not realizing the stupidity within such self-deception, instead of focusing on what is required to do in order to apply self-trust and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the reason resisting conflicts and becoming a nuisance to people, because then I would not expect to be judged as a nice guy, as a pattern of someone cool, because then I would judge myself to be not cool, then fearing that to be bad and thus trying to avoid, yet not realizing that friction and conflict is natural in life and thus it is something I have to be comfortable with facing and overcoming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to win other’s judgement and opinion of me being a nice guy because then based on their behavior I would easily judge myself to be a nice person, guy; and thus thriving to that positive affirmation, becoming addicted to and automatically resisting anything that would challenge that – again all based on my own judgments of what is nice, good, positive without realizing before the actual participation.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that within the nice guy pattern I do not establish self-agreement and self-support as clarity of what I accept and what I don’t and within that automatically being judged, defined, reacted to by myself when interacting with others, when facing situations what I judge as problematic; instead of taking the time, the self-knowledge, the self-honesty to answer to me – what is acceptable, what is not sustainable to accept, what is practical, what is actually supportive.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the main fuel of my attention, reaction, focus and whole ‘passion’ for me wherein I can generate reactions, positive affirmations, self-soothing responses from others and within that becoming completely dependent and addicted to other’s judgments on me; instead of developing and establishing self-communication, self-trust and self-honesty to realize what’s practical and what’s not, what’s supportive and what’s not, what I actually enjoy and what I don’t.

I commit myself to work with the word and my reactions of ‘problem’ by REAL TIME SELF-FORGIVENESS and self-corrective application to STOP and let the definition go and look at the problems as they really are with self-trust and self-honesty.

Here is an awesome and free interview from EQAFE about heart attack:

https://eqafe.com/p/heart-attack-death-research-part-1

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/06/0 ... nd-action/

I forgive myself that I have not realized when and how and why I suppress – meaning I do not express, but react in my mind something what with I justify not acting what comes up to do through self-judgement, self-definition and fear and not realizing that the stopping and prevention of this self-dishonesty is specificity and detail-oriented understanding to be able to see the points BEFORE reacting, see the pattern of consequence BEFORE manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed to become intimate with myself without resistance and categorization, judgments and polarity and thus not being aware of what I really want due to being overwhelmed to the reactions I keep accepting and allowing, such as desire for more financial stability and freedom yet not changing my current money-related patterns, thus becomes hope, desire and eventually frustration, friction, anger – instead of taking the effort, the time to sit down and design a plan, a structure to work with in reality with consideration of what’s here and what’s possible next.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I judged my sexuality and defining it as inferior and not priority and thus wanting to suppress it, eventually becoming a thing in my head taking over to exert the accumulation of self-neglecting – instead of forgiving the judgment, the ideal image of me and the fear of being judged by myself projected to others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I use sexuality as a tool to intensify my mind energetic experiences, stimulating with images and sounds to charge these energies within me and eventually with discharging simulating self-movement, not realizing that any mind-movement, such as thoughts, feelings and emotions to accept, generate, re-create – is suppression, the opposite of expression, thus the opposite of living and not seeing the solution right here, which is trust self, learn from mistakes and ACT with consideration, but not with reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not established a quiet place within myself as default, natural self-expression of myself, but I still need to work on myself to negate, let go or prevent to participate in mind-patterns and mind-constructs and also not realizing that once I stop accumulating the WORK on and as SELF HERE, the patterns keep coming back and I eventually react, become and get possessed by my convictions and delusion to a point of not being able to remain fully present in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to immediately realize when I am justifying self-delusion, for instance when I have a commitment to myself to do something, such as writing my blog, yet I still can listen to my thoughts of ‘tomorrow!’ and not realizing the reasons of that justification is obvious procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify one self-dishonesty within me and the next becoming easier as the things to be corrected become more and more to a point of simply giving up and into the temptation of energetic mind-addiction just to feel this virtual, fake self-movement, even when I am aware of that this is not real, relevant, does not accumulate to manifesting what is best – instead of committing myself to absolutely not take any bullshit from myself and stand up as life and honor my potentials with stopping participating within justifications and energetic mind movement addiction.

I got a friend over here last week and we were in this club, wherein he pointed out that we are so inhibited that basically we can’t get the subject of our desire but it is in front of our eyes and what he meant was to pick up ladies although I did not really plan to do that, but as I was observing various ladies and myself, I realized that I kind of have desire to connect, to give and receive, however made it to a kind of closed case because of a bunch of excuses. That this music is crap, this place is uncool, those ladies are drunk, this one has thick ankle, that one is with a man already – not that anything of these matter in being spontaneous and direct, yet with a bunch of those ‘reasons’ I was able to convince myself that this is not worthy to make any effort – yet I was in that club, I was still looking and through all the suppression, seeing desires being triggered within and before acting upon those, judging my desires as not self-honest, thus to just suppress them no matter what.

It seems like that the trap is that I react through judgement, let’s say ‘positive’ first – example – this gadget is so cool, I NEED it – or back to previous point – that lady I like, she looks and acts cool apparently – so there is this positive reaction. But the reason that exists is because the already accepted negative self-judgment. So to deal with these sometimes it can feel like dog is chasing it’s tail, or what was first, the chicken or the egg – positive or negative? In fact both are result of not being self-honesty in the first place, so does it really matter? How one can end up not understanding oneself?

At this point I do not fully listen to myself, not just the reaction, the judgment, but it’s like a drop of rain. Because I am busy with reacting and judging, so that ‘machine’ within me is moving, I am listening to my thoughts, feelings, reactions.
But because of that – I do not see for instance – I would not mind to connect with someone, but not just for an one night ‘stand’ – that I also judge as unworthy. Not that everyone in any club would look for that only. But that is also a projection of my already suppressed and intensified desire: that would be the goal, to have sex for instance – but the whole thing becomes this big campaign and act for something I desire yet I can’t act upon as I also define it as ‘not so cool’.

It can become a trap that I suppress something due to first positive, then negative self-judgments, so then I want it and at the same time also denying it and this creates inner friction, inside a LOT happens in my mind, yet I do not ACT, MOVE, INITIATE, RISK and ENJOY.

Probably, because of the nature of my personality, how I approach judgments, reactions, risks and fear – this carries over through my entire life, not just about partner, gadgets or belonging to certain lifestyles, so ending up in between being honest and dishonest as well.

It’s fascinating to see how these can build up massive waves of reactions, even the most overtaking mind-possessions start with one thought, feeling or emotion and what grows them is the accumulation and repetitive suppression.

I used to define myself as buddhist about a decade ago, before got lucky finding Desteni I Process and stopped all spiritual activity and started to write and work with words and myself directly.
There was a ‘teaching’ about how to transcend desires I remember, some I absolutely have to say NO to, some I have to experience it with fully open mind to realize it’s empty and thus my self-dishonest nature in regarding to understand how and why I self-created this whole thing in my head and I become completely preoccupied with, meanwhile I KNOW that I also simply just could DO THINGS and learn from that directly.

I wrote about fear of making mistakes or fear of failure so many times before, but it does not matter how many times I write or even say self-forgiveness on this one, until I live that self-forgiveness, it also just can become an other suppression.

Specificity and planning, structure and reality-awareness should assist here – for instance, if I desire to find someone to go out with, I have to own and embrace that notion within and to make a self-honest decision, how should I follow up on this one. The current pattern is that I do not do anything about it. Obviously not cool, so I need to push through the resistances, the comfort zone.

From the comfort zone of ‘not making any mistake’, feeling happy – to making mistakes and prevent judging myself about it.

That seems like a pinnacle of simple action to focus to.
Or even to have a screenplay, if I worry so much – and I do not really feel like that but there must be some suppression, because I only expose my inhibition and desire by the inner friction, the fact that I DO NOT MOVE. To plan what to do, say is still better than doing nothing, but the key here is regardless of the outcome, not to judge myself – observer, understand, but to not give into the energetic addiction of participating within positive or negative polarity.
It does not mean should not feel great or bad – it just means instead of the fake ‘action’ of judging myself and situations and others – simply look at it as common sense and scientific research – facts, facts, facts. Nothing personal within someone saying NO to me, but the issue here is that I have tendency to judge myself when not getting what I want.

Thus ending up simply neglecting a lot of aspects of myself, possibilities in this world system by declaring them unworthy of my actions, yet my reactions tell a different story.

This is interesting, will continue further…

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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/07/2 ... ess-intro/

Recently I was on a longer trip, driving a couple of thousands of kilometers across multiple countries in Europe and seeing some points to clarify, self-forgive, re-define or self-agree about.

In general, as I am only driving since some years, after walked through all my fears and phobias about cars and driving with self-forgiveness and actual change, I have been able to grow extensively within driving experience and in general skills, yet it is always room for improvement within SELF and driving technique application.

Facing fears, phobias, resistances, addictions? EQAFE is really supportive to walk through and overcome those, that was also my key support here as well, I can’t recommend it enough.

So. I’ve got a fairly powerful, safe, comfortable and reliable car some time ago, easily can take over most of the highway traffic without much effort and that can give all kinds of reasons to judge or react when I can or can’t go fast, but my initial and still standing commitment is still present, which is:

I do not accept and allow compromise on safety, although it is often out of our hands when entering huge traffic as things can happen so fast or there is simply no way to avoid an imminent threat when someone else makes big mistakes.

That is why it’s even more important to make sure that from SELF it is clear and always obvious what I can and can’t, what I should and should not do without any thinking process.

In general, thinking is quite an inferior way to figure out the best decision to make, especially while driving, because it takes so much time, distracts from being present here and it’s always limited based on my past memories, experiences, conclusions, convictions, beliefs, hopes and fears. That is why it’s simply unacceptable to try to think while driving car in general. I’d compare it to daydreaming, so it’s a big NO for me to allow myself to not being present here. Of course, it can be alright if I direct myself through my mind to figure out what I have to do next, like appointment, shopping, do I need to rest, replenish – but only if it’s acceptable to ‘leave reality’ for a moment, no more – otherwise I am starting to compromise my commitment for safety.

That’s how self-agreement comes handy and it is also about knowing and understanding self, tendencies to fall into temptations for positive or negative emotional reactions, so then I immediately recognize the pattern and apply the re-alignment to get back HERE, where I am driving in and as the physical reality.

Let’s walk this, word by word, forgiving – giving for self an opportunity to understand why and how I am who I am today and to see what I can optimize in accordance of all participants in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions, positive feelings, excitement and thrills during driving to the point of being influenced, distracted or overwhelmed, thus impairing my decision-making, driving skills to keep being able to apply safety just for experience over facts and physical reality here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react or in any way exert any negative emotion during driving, such as frustration, anger or blame to the point of distraction or obstruction – instead of seeing the seeds of reaction and preventing myself to give power to it/to react/to focus to my reaction/to spend time in the flames of emotions and thus distracting myself from applying practical common sense and maximum possible safety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated, angry and blaming when I can’t go as fast as I can or I want on the road with car due to other participants of the traffic, especially when I see ways people could be more considerate and respectful for my visible or invisible wish to go faster and not realizing that everyone has their own conviction, perception and judgment system, thus it is literally not personal when I am being blocked and whatever I feel, it is only me doing it, thus I also have the power and opportunity to stop myself reacting by understanding the specificity and consequence.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I define and judge people as not good enough on the road, highway(motorway, autobahn, etc), who do not follow the same guidelines, rules, etiquette as myself, because defining that to be the best and thus anyone not acting according to that, defining them as they are less efficient, effective, considerate by my definition of good, therefore also empowering the superiority pattern and not realizing that it renders me less considerate, present and directive and in general also becoming less disciplined, safe and enjoyable for myself and my passengers, other participants of the traffic.
I forgive myself that I have not realized when I have became a bully, an aggressor on the road by pressuring people to give way when I feel right to do so, basically, whenever they can apparently give way by moving from the inner lane to the outer, yet they do not do that, so then I feel that I need to find a way to make them move away and not realizing that in this situation I am bound to keep doing this pressure until I am able to take over and continue to go faster and not realizing that I do not care about the other person, everyone in that car, the traffic, safety and in general becoming tube-minded so to speak, only caring about going faster, making the other go faster or give way as soon as possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify going faster than the speed limit by declaring myself qualified and my car to be safe and powerful enough to drive fast yet not always considering the possible manifested consequences with practical common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only go fast/faster than the traffic just to feel that I am fast, to feel that I am faster, to have the thrill and excitement, instead of always considering if it’s safe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to go faster in curvy road to a point of not feeling 100% comfortable and safe with the speed but I need to fully focus to keep the car on the road just to take over slower cars and feel faster and better driver and not considering the risks, not only of myself, but other drivers, who might also react and thus raising the tendency to make mistakes, thus sabotaging absolute safety as pricinple.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I feel better driving when being able to go a least with a certain amount of speed, even though it is an ‘ideal’ speed and does not reflect the road’s condition, my car’s abilities and my actual skills.
I forgive myself that I have defined that any car what can’t go easily faster than the speed limit as inferior and automatically using that as judgment to their drivers/passengers and thus making me feel better by defining others worse and not realizing that this charges energy in my mind and distracts from effectiveness and safety to be applied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically think and define people driving fast and powerful cars as cool as my desire also being to be defined as such, comparing me to them, feeling superior and not realizing that any superiority is only a sign for a starting point of inferiority, which I disregard, distract myself from and not wanting, needing to face and transcend.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the initial inferiority I accept and allow within myself in regarding to driving and cars, due to my original fears and phobias and although I never resist now to drive in any condition, the need for superiority exposes this, it’s like I always need to generate points of feeling cool, otherwise I feel slow, mundane, boring, tiresome during driving, not realizing the addiction to stimulation and intensity.
I forgive myself that I have not realized within driving the ‘go slower, reach farther’, meaning if I do not speed, keep looking forward to look for ways to go faster, to take over, to pressure slower people to get out of the way, to fit through smaller spaces, etc – then I can simply relax and do not get tired as fast, allowing me to drive for more and within that to realize: speed does not matter much on long term, but consistency and presence does.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get caught on the speed-game when driving to levels wherein literally making my car consume double fuel just to go faster, even when I have time, or when defining I do not have time to actually just use it as excuse to rush into excitement and feel of power by speeding.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that other people can have different starting point, actual way to utilize vehicles and road than me, and to really drive well means to embrace everything about driving, cars, the road, including do not do things to others what I also would not like to be done to.
I forgive myself that I have deliberately excluded any environment-pollution-related responsibilities I can have with my vehicle on the roads, just because stating – this is my budget for this, there is nothing I can do about it and going slower does not make too much difference, so why bother – instead of even just to consider ‘ecological footprint’.
I forgive myself that I have not realized how easily self-interest can be justified by the amount of money one pays for something, then feeling rightful to do that, just because of worked for that money and then living out a sort of definition of ‘freedom’ by using it – with car and travelling especially.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have from time to time the wish to drive, not having an actual destination per say, just to have the driving experience as defining it calm, comfortable, exciting and interesting and at the same time having inner friction about it, suppressing it, giving into it, in general not seeing all the points here and making a decision at once, but to allow to be preoccupied and not digging down to the starting, trigger and manifesting consequence points of this sort of energetic temptation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand when I drive fast that it seems safe, simply by the physical law’s consideration, there is always risk and I can’t foresee exactly the chance for that.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I drive fast through the inner lane really fast while there are a bunch of cars moving in the outer lane that I am giving trust away to those people, their vehicles that they will not go to the inner/fast lane suddenly, as if they would, there would be easily a fatal accident and thus that’s why it’s always better to first assess those cars, their signs of direction and based on that to select my approach.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that even though some trucks are slower than me and my car, they are still driven by humans, they make decisions, they can make mistakes, they can go into mind-reaction, their big vehicle is also subjected to the law of physics, which is simple: big vehicle, big weight, what can crush even the safest car, thus to always be cautious around and making sure they do not need to diviate suddenly because of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am better driver than most meanwhile the fact is that when lot of people were asked, 80% stated that they are better than most, which obviously is only a perception and thus always remembering when accepting any reaction, thoughts, judgments about me being better than anyone by simply conviction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define driving cars what has not been rated one of the top safest cars by tests as inferior and stupid and not realizing the most important factor to safety is the driver.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow impatient when someone keeps blocking me going faster than them, meanwhile they could easily manage to give me way, and within that growing impatience losing awareness to safety and being civilised(do onto others what you would like to be done to you), instead of realizing that is lesser effectiveness as becoming distracted, not realizing, thus for efficiency, to remain at point, focusing to facts here is a better choice.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when people do not care or try to apply the best practical driving ways when being in traffic, with many other vehicles and realizing my only responsibility here is me to remain present, directive, responsible and effective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people who start to take over in the last moment in front of me the car in front of them when I come faster, thus me needing to slow down big time and then waiting a lot them to do the take over and get out of the way – and not realizing reacting, becoming agitated, frustrated, annoyed or angry is irresponsible, ineffective and immature.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define public roads as free for all, meaning people having more powerful and faster vehicles have more priority and right than those who drive slowly or less powerful cars and not realizing that everyone’s safety is equally important and whenever I would compromise that awareness, I need to stop in my mind, to re-align and focus on responsible, safe driving.
Of course, it really varies between countries, what’s normal, what’s acceptable and what’s safe, so this all is coming from someone living in Europe.

So this is good for a start, opened up some points, will continue with a bit deeper level, wording those feelings and emotions and to see why I accept those without awareness.

There is certainly a superiority-inferiority play as well by going faster than others, so will continue on that.

Another point I can react to in general is around ‘gas station’ – it’s like a tiny world, very specific things people usually do there and I also noticed some personality patterns, behavior, posing, acting out; coming from my mind what seems like an extra layer from simply being here and expressing myself in the moment, because of accepting convictions, desires, worries, etc.

So there is plenty of direction to continue to from now on.

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/07/2 ... ed-energy/

Continuing with the driving mind patterns.

It really assists to write these points down – some of them I have ‘already realized’ – yet with this sort of substantiation, it is supporting to become more aware of the specifics, the circumstances, conditions, trigger points, so I will see the patterns, the behavior I see needing to adjust before ‘falling into’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define driving car as being adult, responsible and thus when doing it, joining ‘serious society’ thus defining myself to be grownup and cool and at the same time defining people(including myself) when not driving as not mature, grownup, cool and responsible and thus projecting more into this than what’s real and not realizing what I am compensating with this, which is the desire to be respected and appreciated.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I do not respect and appreciate myself and thus needing to compensate it as it exists within me as lacking, and then wanting to seem more than who I experience myself to be and thus going to this journey of inflating self-image based on judgments, feelings and desires.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself to be cool when driving car safely and effectively, and at the same time defining myself to be not as cool when not driving or not having the ability to drive car and not realizing that what happens here is that I am compensating what I feel lacking, here to be cool.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why I do not feel myself cool enough at the first place and needing to do and experience things what I define making me more cool and not realizing that it is mind-inflation, being not real and building a sand-castle in my head, becoming delusional.
I forgive myself that I have not realized why I define myself not cool and good enough, which is that I am not consistently present, clear within and effective within self-expression and consistent self-movement and because of that, judging myself as not good enough and not realizing that I am focusing to this judgment, reaction, emotion, instead of establishing practical self-grounding here with effective breathing and self-honest application through writing, self-investigation, self-forgiveness, self-corrective and self-commitment statements to prepare and apply myself the realizations I discover.
I forgive myself that I have defined cars based on my values – projections of potentials and capabilities of them and whenever driving a car not meeting the expected abilities I define as great, then defining myself not as good and great as I could be with a car what is actually more capable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself, of who I am based on my possessions, the objects I get and use, the car I can drive and automatically defining myself not so cool or cool based on if the car meets my expectations and ‘standards’ or not and not realizing that who I am is LIFE with and as all and thus whenever accepting self-definitions about or towards cars, I am not looking at what should be priority, which is self-honesty and effectiveness, which might relates to the car I drive, might not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define how good a car is based on how easily and quickly I can take over and leave other cars behind, based on my current economical budget and allowing to be self-defined based on what car I can have access to.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to mesmerize and delude myself with the reactions and judgments to the car I am driving and based on that defining who I am, how cool, effective and safe I am on the roads and not realizing when it is purely personal preference, self-interest, conviction and opinion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as cool when I feel or can judge myself as more effective, safe, fast than others on the road.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define speeding (going faster than allowed speed limit) as cool and bad ass and without that not seeing much point driving as not being stimulated with the velocity and coolness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go faster when other cars are around me on the road just to experience and feel faster than them, and slowing down when there is no one around me, without even realizing that I only go faster just to feel better as defining it great.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go faster and drive ‘dynamically’, because then I am being stimulated by the self-definition of being awesome and knowing that I really need to have heightened attention to remain safe, otherwise I would be driving just as other drivers, with consistent speed at the legal limit, which I defined as boring, monotonic and and not cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define going with consistent speed at legal limit as boring, mundane, not stimulating, and thus worrying that I would fall asleep, although I am aware of that it is not true and also not realizing that I do not need to drive with consistent speed at the legal limit all the time, but to choose speed based on common sense and consideration of my, traffic, road and car conditions.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I do not have self-agreement on how I drive, what is my limit, then I have more tendency to drive by reaction involuntarily thus not realizing when compromising safety and consideration of all participants around here.
I forgive myself that I have defined being not so cool when I am driving with speed limit while someone comes faster and takes over and I feel like I should join the speeding just because being more cool, because defining that the more faster people can go without causing any accident, the more capable and cool they are.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I do not feel cool while driving because of not speeding, I am falling back to automatically defining myself as being not good enough, because that was the case in my past, when I started to drive and did not know myself, driving, the roads, my car, traffic enough and I was going slower than the speed limit and since then have not yet released this default state of ‘not being good enough’-ness, so then to anytime letting that negative judgment, reaction, experience go, I need to stimulate myself to feel better, by proving to myself and others that I can do better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to show off while driving to others of how cool I am, how great my skills are and how awesome my car is, even though it is not a sport car, I am not on a race track, yet can go real fast, thus being able to release the experience of not being good, not being good enough – instead of realizing that I can mark this initiative, original experience of not being good enough by becoming aware of the trigger points and whenever the moment would come to that where I would fall into this experience, so then I would need to go faster, then I simply breathe through, not participating, re-writing my beingness with letting this go until it is really gone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to prove to myself and then thus projecting that to others as then I would experience, define, judge others reacting to me, judge, define me as going fast, thus I would be able to judge my projected judgment the way that I can manipulate myself to feel good, especially when encountering cars, drivers going fast, so I feel the need to also go faster automatically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use all available tools at my disposal to get away with speeding, which is considered as not legal, thus when caught, can pay high penalty and/or eventually losing my driving licence and when getting away with it, defining it to be completely normal and acceptable automatically, instead of always considering each occasion within it’s unique situation to see if it’s really reasonable with practical, responsible common sense to go faster in that moment.
That’s it for now, so these were realizations during my last trip and it is supportive to write down and substantiate to remember and thus to prevent being influenced by reactions and judgments, definitions of how I drive, in particular how fast I go.
To be honest, driving faster a bit sometimes I am still sure that it is fine, when every precaution and safety is applied, for instance when taking over other cars, I often see that it is best to get it done quickly as to be safe on the road also means not to spend time too close to other cars, as often seeing obviously capable cars taking over other cars, and the maneuver takes a lot of time, so in those cases, when it’s safe, to just do it firmly and quickly.
Another reason I used to justify to speed when a lot of cars go with the same speed and they, probably unconsciously, form a convoy, and they follow each other with not enough distance in between, so anyone of them getting into accident, the others might not have enough time or ability to avoid ‘joining’ the accident.
Of course, it also can become the patterns described below, thus becoming stimulation, mind fuck, which I finish this self-forgiveness flow with today:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define empowering and cool when taking over other cars quickly, meaning with speeding, not just doing the maneuver in some seconds but like a snap, just to feel how fast I am in comparison to the other car, especially feeling great when the car seems powerful, thus then feeling me more powerful in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel compromised when I do not drive at least with the speed limit, for instance to avoid becoming part of an ‘unconscious’ convoy, not keeping the safety distance between me and the cars in front of or behind me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and becoming frustrated when someone is in my tail, feeling them to be too close, thus feeling not safe as whenever I would need to break hard, or my car would suddenly stop due to anything from malfunction to human error, they would not be able to avoid collision into me from behind and within that frustration losing discipline, presence, direction, common sense but to start getting worked up and eventually doing something erratic to make the other person stop doing that.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed to realize that it is the same when I tailgate someone and probably the same way feels bad to the person who I am doing it to, as I feel when someone else does that to me and also not understanding that everyone can react differently and some people indeed have less ability to deal with this pressure and thus becoming frustrated, worked up and thus making erratic, safety-compromising maneuver, and within that me being responsible to bully others into dangerous behavior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only being patient for so long when trying to take over and go faster cars in front of me going slower than me, and eventually feeling like that I have given enough time for them to respond nicely, yet they did not, so now I need to apply more obvious communication of what I want, even going to the point of starting to pressure them with high beam and/or tailgating and feeling justified because I have given enough chance and now it is okay to make them uncomfortable – and unsafe – to do what I want them to do, as the justification to be that they do not follow the same ‘road etiquette’ as me — instead of always considering safety and the principle of ‘do onto others as wanting them to be done to by them’.
So that’s about self-forgiveness for now on this topic of speeding and power-mind-games energetic possessions.

When and as I feel that am getting stimulated and excited about driving fast, I re-align within and let go this feeling, the need for experiencing being cool, great, better- I breathe and I realize that I only have this life as who I am today and also how uncool it would be if I would cause accident or fatality to others with my irresponsible behavior, just to feel something in my mind; instead of taking full responsibility of my actions unconditionally.
When and as I define people, their vehicle on the road as less cool than me, my car, I stop, I let it go and realizing that the most important factor here is safety and do onto others what I would like others to be done to me, and by tons of experiences I am fully aware of how not great it is when someone creates unsafe or aggressive situation towards me.
When and as I feel pressured by someone being aggressive with me on the road, wanting me to go faster or move out of the way and I can’t in the moment, I remain calm, collected, present, directive and alerted – I do not budge, I look for opportunities making the situation more safe and actually enjoyable for all participants here.
I commit myself to let go the addiction to speed and thrill, excitement and simulation until it’s totally gone from my beingness, my system, my body and my mind so then I can be responsible and effective, reliable and enjoyable so to speak.
I commit myself to not compromise safety and to do onto others what I would like to receive during driving just for the thrill or wanting to reduce travel time, so whenever ever noticing that I am not able to stop and avoid collision/accident, I simply let the need to go fast go and let my foot off from the throttle until I am ‘in control’ again. Of course control is always relative, yet always remembering the first rule during driving – if there is some danger/obstacle in front of me, my speed should be chosen that I can stop safely.
This should be pronounced more, as I really do that when going on country roads and I do not see the road after a curve, or a hill, I let go the speed and approaching with the possibility that I need to stop suddenly.
I am not going to list up all my ‘best practices’ as this blog is not really about that, but the process and re-alignment of SELF to be able to do that.

I will continue with more driving-related patterns to walk through in the next post.
Thanks and have a great day.

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jozsef
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Re: Jozsef's Journey to Life

Post by jozsef »

https://talamon.wordpress.com/2019/07/2 ... ss-posing/

Continuing with decomposing all mind-patterns or constructs regarding to driving car.

Previous posts in the topic:

Intro
Speed energy
Let’s jump into the middle with the word: POSING

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pose when driving car, meaning to want to look cool, sound cool, to care about how I am being judged by others and based on that to judge myself and not realizing this whole process is only me, existing and staying in my mind, even when pretending that I care about how others perceive and judge me, in fact, from the starting point, I try to control and manipulate the image and likeness of me based on my own judgments, definitions, convictions and beliefs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be defined as cool based on the starting point of insecurity and doubt, and actually making myself believe that what others think and react about me really matters and based on that to determine how cool I am, without realizing that to desire to be cool means I believe I am not cool by default and within that never questioning why or how I ended up staying like this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced in any way whatsoever of what car I drive, how I drive, how my car looks, how powerful it is, how clean and shiny it, how good I drive, how efficiently I maneuver, how fast I go, how many kilometers I can drive, so then I can judge myself based on my prejudice and self-definitions, thus I can stimulate and manipulate myself into mind-states I find comfortable to exist within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when my car is dirty for more than days, because defining myself not being mature, serious, reliable, responsible, respectful and starting to feel bad until I am deciding to clean it or pay others to clean it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about my car being clean, defining it to be great, automatically feeling good when getting compliments from others about it being clean although not admitting that it matters, feeling like showing example of how to take care of one’s car, thus from self-defined rookie driver to stand out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about how clean my car is when it works well, but whenever it is having an issue, not so much anymore, because then defining like if it is questionable of how much it can serve it’s primary purpose, then the whole being clean feels good does not matter anymore, and thus revealing that I only clean it because of the projected value I define; instead of simply applying common sense on how much I should keep it clean.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like raising the volume of my music listened in my car, which I define as cool, and lowering the windows around others, so then they can hear how cool music I listen to, so then I can project out that they react with defining me cool, so then based on that can define myself indeed cool.
I forgive myself that in any way whatsoever falling into the specific trap of self-definition, as two or more in my name, such as I feel cool, someone else makes me feel cool, thus then I feel my original feel validated and ‘manifested in reality’ – so then I can start really believing that I am cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize the reason why I care about feeling cool so much, and not remembering that in elementary and high school, I felt awkward and lost within social interactions, defining others, who can express themselves without problem, who are being popular, who can afford to buy trendy and expensive clothes, things, gadgets, and defining that and them to be cool, at the same time comparing myself as not being able to express myself, afford such things, as not cool enough, and therefore defining myself as not cool and never really working through these layers of self-definitions since.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of judgments of others as not being cool, fear of being rejected, excluded, although if I really look at it, in fact I was always quite alright to stand on my own, to do what I enjoy and to actually not really bother of what others think when I am rested, quiet within, yet punishing and suppressing myself for no reason and not facing this point, eact trigger points with awareness and commitment to let go with specificity and practical plan.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fit into society as defining myself living on the fringe, being different, not identifying myself with the values society priorities and at the same time defining myself as cool because of it, yet sometimes, when not being in balance, quiet within, self-trusting, to fall into the desire to be accepted and respected, loved and cared for.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only real acceptance, respect, love and care I can find in this existence is self-acceptance, self-respect, self-love and self-care, which is only real if it’s practical, walk-able and by actions can be accumulated, thus resulting into self-trust and self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that posing is an indication of not living words of self-honesty, self-acceptance and self-trust, and thus re-alignment is the common sense approach to let go this obsession of self-definition and judgment mind-games.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that even with the self-accepted habit of having tendency to fall into the act of posing I am always aware that it is fake, hollow and meaningless distraction mind-stimulation from the fact that I do not dare to have the courage to establish self-trust and self-honesty to live in every moments equally, unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only way to self-liberate myself from the layers of the mind is to work through each of them with awareness, specificity, common sense and a practical action plan, which I understand and enjoy doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pose when being at gas/petrol station, to want to seem serious and mature, at the same time open for fun, thus focusing on acting my movements to try to look cool, cooler than I accept to define myself to be automatically, for instance when doing all the things people do at gas stations, to try to look like I have done this so many times, even when doing something I never did before, for instance using a service I never did before, just because of the worry of being judged as rookie and inexperienced, which I definitely was when started to drive, yet since then acclaimed so much experience, that this whole act of posing is simply an indication of regressing myself into my mind, wherein I did not yet faced and transcended my self-definitions and fears of judgment of others, which is fear of not being able to transcend self-judgment.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-judgment is something I need to be self-honest about, absolutely, so whenever discovering participating within it, through comparison, projection, expectation, desire or resistance, it is my responsibility to STOP and re-align, forgive and change for real.
That’s it for now, will be continued, thanks for reading

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