a tree's journey to life

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terhas
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a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

day 1: possession
definitions
possession -noun-

1. the act or fact of possessing.

2. the state of being possessed.

3. ownership.

possessed -adjective-

1. spurred or moved by a strong feeling, madness.

2. self-possessed;poised (composed, dignified, and self-assured).

the more self honest i am becoming about things the more i see this point of possession. we possess ourselves entirely. we are possessed by our ideas, by our wants, by our desires, by our objects, by our fears, by our love, by our hate. and the common point within all those things that we are possessed by is US. these things are OURS. each one creates these points of acceptance and allowance within themselves that manifest what we allow ourselves to be possessed by. or more self honestly, what we use to possess ourselves or create a point of possession within ourselves.

possession is a big point within our world. everyone is moving to either obtain some possessions, keep some possessions, protect their possessions or protect and idea in which they are possessed. this manifest as every one pursuing the completion or fulfillment of their own personal possession. being owned by an idea created by ones self as a slave to ones own creation. in this taking from and overuse and mistreatment and cruelty and disregard and possession that we have done within this world we can easily be described as demons in earth. we have possessed the earth and/or ourselves as the earth and are feeding off it and sucking the LIFE out due to our self interest as demons.

i know that just because we have manifested ourselves this way does not mean we have to carry on in this manner. doing things different is possible and there is a really simple way of viewing this in the physical for ones self. and that is to actually be a self directive principle within physical life HERE and to move yourself. there is no need to believe or not believe that people can change when i know that i can move my foot in front of the other or i can take a step back. either way i am the mover. there are factors in this world that are fucked and place people in situations that really allows one to see where one stands. within fear and self interest or oneness and what is best with the consideration of all life.

the starting point of a possession does not produce consequence that is best for all. that is clear. i figure, to start this journey of walking myself out from within myself as the mind/self interest/self-possessed and into LIFE here, one and equal to all other LIFE, i will begin by walking through my points of self-possession/accepted and allowed possession/created possession.

the first point of created self-possession that i want to write about is my mothers ring:

i got it when she died over ten years ago and have been wearing it ever since. she had three rings and the three oldest girls got one. there were two elephant rings and one with XOXO but as hearts for the Os. my two older sisters got the elephants and i got the XOXO. i recall that i wanted one of the elephant ones but was a little happy that i got the "special" one. special meaning different. but the idea that was created within me in relation to this ring was special meaning special for me, tree, an "its fate i get this one" type of idea. something from her to me. there were other things that i had of hers. i had a bracelet of hers that i lost in my high school one day. i spent hours looking for it. i recall feeling like i had let her down. i had possessed myself to such an extent within ideas created around possessions of my mothers that i would personify the object as my idea of my mother that i was holding onto. in this i did not support myself at all. and i see that this self-possession within my mother's possessions was in connection to my own fear of my own death in which i had also possessed myself within at that time. but as time went by and circumstances unfolded i had lost every possession that i had of hers but her ring.

and a couple days ago i lost the ring.

this was the week my car was having issues and i had to take the bus to work. i just recently got my first car a year ago in october. so i am not shy to taking the bus. i went to sit on the steps and i took my rings off and sat them down as i have done many times. i put lotion on my arms and hands. i have been working outside in the sun so my hands were very dry. i stood up and walked closer to the street. the bus came. i got on. ring gone. did not realize until i got to work that i had left them at the bus stop. i was upset. and i cried. felt like i had let myself down this time. as i know it was simply not being present within the way i was moving my body. and it showed me i still had ideas surrounding the gold formed into a ring on my finger that use to be around the finger of my mother. i had to take a moment before starting work to walk myself out of this disappointment, this self possession that i had been faced with of myself. i walked into where the other girls were meeting. a friend asked me what was wrong. i told her i had just lost my mothers ring and was dealing with the attachment to objects. i said its literally just materials. shes says," yes but they are YOUR materials." like i have a right to be upset, angry, possessed by my ideas because the world accepts that i have ownership over these materials. when really, nothing here is owned. its all one and equal as life, HERE for all. there was no REAL reason for 'upset' but my own participation in the manifestation of it. i created an idea specific to me where 'upset' is triggered and is the consequence experience when presented with the idea that i created. self-possession.

-i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create possession within me and thus to manifest and accept possession within the world.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the reality of a situation and favor the minds created ideas instead. in this i stand as the mind. not the physical.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, essentially, create an experience of 'losing my mother' every time i lost an object that she used while in the physical existence.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the personification of objects through ideas when it suits me but when it is simply about the respect of a object, at all times, as a piece of the collective of HERE, no ideas, the consideration is lost.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the obvious self separation that takes places within us in relation to other life in this one world. in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question why i cried when MY mother dies but not when a being dies.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider the effect that my self-possession has on the world as a whole. where we make sure we accept the self-possession of others so others will accept our self-possession as well. in this i forgive myself for not allowing myself to see that i this acceptance of self-possession as "a part of life" we are each taking the steps to manifest possession in and as our world.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully address the self-possession within me thus it festers and waits for me to be presented with the non-addressed ideas that trigger the self-possessed reaction within me.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself within moments of self-generated energy as emotion/thoughts/feelings. in this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be powerless and motionless when faced with this energy i create.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paralyzed when faced with an idea that I have already allowed to begin manifesting as thoughts/feelings/emotions as self-possession. to where i feel there is "nothing i can do" at this point. in this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the 'its too late to move character' where in i "ride out" the self-possession instead of addressing it. even while in the mist of a seemingly uncontrollable reaction.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that, in everything, i am the mover. thus i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dig within myself, self honestly, when in moments where i am not clear of my participation in the manifestation of the experience.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that anytime i accept that i cannot understand something that is going on within myself is an abdication of responsibility for me as my physical body and the experience of myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach the idea of "normal" to myself as thoughts/feelings/emotions. in this i disregard the self directive principle that i am within all the i am. thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self responsibility and accountability for my experience of myself on thoughts/feelings/emotions that i accept and allow to make me feel out of control.

--i commit myself to release the self created binds to all the self-possession i have manifested within myself.

i commit myself to address the, seemingly, moments of ambiguity and dig for the root of my true self-deceptive desire to not know.

i commit myself to stand within oneness.

i commit myself to move as the directive principle within my actions.

i commit myself to, when feeling as though there is nothing i can do, to move as oneness within all that is here by way of myself as the directive principle within my actions.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... on_15.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

day 2: possession 2
definition
birthday -noun-

1. the annual anniversary of the day on which a person was born.

2. the day of one's birth.

this is a huge point of self-possession in our world as well. birthdays. it has been a huge point of self-possession within me in the past. where i felt like i HAD TO be doing something or getting showered with gifts or drinking something or dancing somewhere or pretty somewhere or adored somewhere or with people or fucking something. where i felt like the attention HAD TO be placed on me as a person because this is the day that i was born some years in the past. where i felt justified and empowered in statements like: "are you seriously doing this on MY birthday?" "u should do [fill in command here] for me because its MY birthday." "we are doing whatever i want because MY birthday." "why? because its MY birthday!" there is so much ego infused into the day we were born. in this we disregard the mutual respect and care that could be given to ALL by ALL every single day as a constant..

this starts at a very young age. wherein the parents will assist the child in creating the fantasy of 'i am the one that matters' on the day they were born. they tell them its THEIR day. yesterday, no. but today is YOURS. then the child creates importance around this one day that is MINE in which things should be perfect because it was the day that i was born. this ego point spills over into every facet of our lives when it comes to us ultimately. where we will always be able to conjure up that "birthday importance" that we feel we are entitled to on that one day on any day.

i dont make a big deal about my birthday anymore. i dont see it as some kind of milestone or accomplishment or anything else than the day i was born some years later. yet every year i am presented with the self-possession that we allow within ourselves here in this world when it comes to birthdays. yesterday was my birthday. the day before i called my cousin to see if she wanted to come over for dinner and watch a dance show that we like. she said cool. yesterday was a weekday so i nanny for my niece most weekdays unless i book work. there was no work to book so i was home during the day with my niece. i got a call from my cousin mid day when she realized it was MY birthday and called to say sorry that she had didnt even know when i called that it was my birthday and that she should have been here anyway. like because it was my birthday it meant that this is where she was "supposed" to be anyway. i told her just because its my birthday does not mean anything left or right. that she was either able to come or not. i didnt invite her because it was my birthday. and that im literally making dinner and we are going to watch the show. she said okay.

my niece and i hung out. went to the park with the dogs. cleaned the house. i came on my period so there was a little pain in my stomach and back, but it was okay. a little later on i started to make dinner. my sister calls to wish me a happy birthday. she asked what i am doing. i told her i was making baked ziti and hanging out with my sister and my niece. she says "YOU are making dinner on YOUR OWN birthday?" i said yes im making dinner today. just because its the day i was born does not mean i should not cook. she says "okay.." a little while later my cousin shows up with her friend. she tells me happy birthday and has a seat. we are all just hanging out and she says that shes knows how bad my periods are but shes gonna need me to be a little more upbeat and exciting. lol i started to get pissed then i just stopped myself and actually had a laugh to myself. it was needlessness about to come from me by way of anger. and i saw it before i participated with the bullshit. so :) i slid over to where she was on the couch and said to her, "look, i am not here to stroke some idea u have about birthdays. im cooking. we are watching this show. im on but im fine, ur friend is fine, my sis is fine, u are the only one that is creating an experience of lack or need in u. so stop." she laughs and says "okay." a little later my brother calls me. tells me happy birthday and ask what i am doing. i told him i made dinner and am watching a dance show with who was there. he asked if i was going out later. i said no. hes says, "ur NOT going OUT on ur birthday??" i said no. just because its the day i was born does not mean i need to go out to a club. he did not seem to like that answer. its interesting because my sister, brother and cousin all were outwardly disappointed in my lack of desire to follow the ideas and beLIEfs that they had created around the day someone was born. they seemed let down because they had different expectations of me on my birthday in their minds. such ridiculousness..

-i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself value my experience of myself over all others experience of themselves on a certain day of the year.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as more important than others on the day i was born.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed or like a loser if i am not with people partying on the day i was born.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like i was missing something because i did not go out dancing or drinking on the day i was born.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the many ways in which we enable ourselves to stroke our ego.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that no ONE person is above any other ONE person. on any day. and we should not make the day we were born on this earth into LIFE as LIFE to move ourselves withing and as oneness and equality with all here into a day to stroke the ego of man.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within equal distribution of value as LIFE to ALL LIFE on all days everyday would be a celebration of life and our movement together as life.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be above others on a certain day. on any day.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to others to be below me on a certain day. on any day.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expectations of others on the day i was born.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when i miss someones birthday.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good when i remember everyones birthdays.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that all of our holidays and collective celebrations stem from the ego of men who will bask in celebration and fullness while many are in sorry and lay empty.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself above others in the world because i cannot see them with my eyes. in this i disregard their presence as LIFE, just as i am LIFE, in favor of generation "good feelings" for myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that it is not the act of celebration but the act of disregard.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the need to spend a lot of money on myself when it is the day i was born.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the care and respect and consideration that i feel i deserve on the day i was born is the same care and respect and consideration that ALL deserve every day of OUR lives.

--i commit myself to move on the day i was born as any other day.

i commit myself to not place the care and respect and consideration of ALL others on any specific day.

i commit myself to checking the starting point behind everything within myself. in this i commit myself to clarity within my actions.

i commit myself to stand as who i am every day.

i commit myself to move by way of oneness and equality. myself one and equal to all other selves. everyday.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... -2_16.html

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terhas
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Joined: 10 Aug 2011, 09:02

Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

day 3: possession 3
definiton
self possession -noun-

1. full command of ones faculties, feelings, and behavior.

picking

this has been a huge point of created self-possession within me for a long time. i have written about this point before but the steps that i needed to take to move myself from out of this created self-possession, i did not take.

so to start to walk...

i have made the commitment to stop picking myself. it is done. its been 2 days now. no picking. i dont feel anxious about the fact that i am stopping as i did before when i tried to get a hold of my self-possession within picking myself. ultimately, i kept doing it because it felt really good. it was like a drug which i felt like i needed to get by. i did not simply stop full participation. i stopped physical participation. but mentally i was afraid to not be picking because i had become so accustomed and self-possessed by my idea of me as 'tree, the picker'. i felt like i would be lacking if i gave this up of myself. i needed it. i felt like it owned me and i had to participate.

i have been walking through many of my fears since i last tried to stop this self-possession. i realize that i am the owner of my fear. i create it. the creation of fear as energy generated through emotions that are triggered by ideas that i have accepted and allowed about things. so to face any fear i drop the ideas that i have about it and move within what is HERE in the physical. so now i do not have fear of dropping this 'tree, the picker- character'. as it is not who i am as LIFE fully present here. it is who i am as my creation of fear.

it has been very interesting to walk through and out of this without fear of who i will be once i have stopped this self-possession of picking at myself. i no longer hold on to this idea of "just who i am" and there is no fear around letting these non-supportive ideas about myself go..

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick away at myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick off pieces of myself that i judged as "ugly".

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the experience of the disconnect from my self-possession of picking at myself as "hard".

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the experience of picking instead of facing myself as "easy".

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize and move within the fact that i am in control of my physical body.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attribute my movement to anything other than self direction.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create something within me, place ideas around it and then set it free within me, as fear, to manifest when presented with trigger points in which to cause the reaction of fear.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the connection between the discarding of "ugly" pieces of my face to my discarding the "ugly" pieces of myself that i, too, do not want to look at.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discard the "ugly" pieces of the world as if we should just not look at them.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself through picking away at myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to provide the proper respect and support to my physical body as myself as LIFE.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beLIEve the lies that are cultivated within all of our CULTures where we deems some people "ugly" and others "beautiful"- and in this we attach our specific mind definitions and ideas to these words and judge ourselves and others in the world accordingly.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that we create justifications within our beLIEfs that we hold about all things. even through the blatancy of abuse that comes from our beLIEfs.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give the respect and consideration that is only deserving of life to an idea as "my fear" and in this we allow this idea to direct us instead of being the direct principle HERE as the physical manifestation of life because we are moving ourselves as the physical manifestation of fear.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to present a presentation of myself instead of stand as who i am in every moment.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the character of 'tree, the picker' where i would place my responsibility and accountability of myself within picking on this "unseen" "untouchable" part of myself that i have relinquished control to in regards to picking.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by my fear.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trace the idea of fear back - where it is clear that the idea of fear is specific to each person and each person creates their own experience of fear within them, not in the reality we all share one and equal HERE. thus i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my experience of fear is created within me, by me, for me. and in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i trap myself within my fear because of its specification to me. i create a special feeling for myself within MY fears.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stroke the ego behind the fears of others and/as myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing, well acceptance and allowance. to where we walk around and state "our" fears and listen to others and go about "our" business, never to address the point of abuse that come from within us when operating from fear and the self stagnation in which fear traps us in. where we accept the fears of others so they will continue to accept ours. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand within participation of the continuation of our societal self created fear trap.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that if i cannot even stand as my face, how can i stand as life? as i am certainly a piece of the whole of LIFE that is here.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the "ugly" parts of the world.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the "ugly" parts of myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i am, ultimately, in full command of my actions.

-- self-commitment statements to come.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... ion-3.html

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terhas
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Joined: 10 Aug 2011, 09:02

Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

day 4: possession 3 - self commitment statements
definitions
commitment -noun-

1. the state of quality of being committed.

2. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

3. engagement,involvement.

the purpose of self commitment statements following self forgiveness is to realign ones self after having realized the mental binds to something through self forgiveness. thus to prepare ones self, with statements of commitments, to walk the self corrective actions that are REQUIRED of self to stop the pattern. self forgiveness, self commitment statements, application of self correction. doing one will not do. doing all three but not moving ones self to be the directive principle within ones words and actions, will not do. this is something that it has taken me a while to grasp. that there is NO quick fix. i cannot simply want it. want to change. want change. say the words. want the results. heh, that is nothing really. want. desire. words are meaningless without my action and participation in their physical manifestation. in everything, i must be physically involved.

change -verb-

1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

2. to transform or convert.

--i commit myself to not pick at myself as i am use to picking at life. where i pick and choose what i want to see and what i do not want to see disregarding the fact that ALL is HERE for me self honestly see. not to judge and separate myself from as if it does not exist or pertain to me.

i commit myself to stop judging the expression of myself as "ugly if i dont pick". where in i give myself the mental "ultimatum" of ' pick or be ugly '.

i commit myself to moving within oneness and equality with my entire physical body. to where the care that i am moving to give to myself within this process of walking out of a self created fantasy of me and into the reality of myself as LIFE will be given to every inch of my physical body.

i commit myself to show that we pick at ourselves because we have created an idea of shame around our physical bodies due to the ideas held and manifested by each and every one of us.

i commit myself to be aware of the unwanted movements of my hand to my face to pick at myself. in this i am able to stop the automation of thought (ideas) into the physical by stopping my physical participation as the directive principle within MY self movement.

i commit myself to show that there are many ways in which we "pick at" ourselves in this world. in all ways, always, that which is "picked at" gets worse. as it is not addressed.

i commit myself to show that parents teach children to pick at themselves through the actions taken by parents displayed, as an example, to their children.

i commit myself to show that parents teach children to pick at other beings in the world they come across that do not fit the idea of "what is" according to teachings passed on from the parent.

i commit myself to show that every parent is always standing as an example to their children.

i commit myself to show that walking back the direct parental participation within the CULTivation of their children to realize the oneness of accountability for what is here - is not a "free pass" to the child within self responsibility for their actions. thus i commit myself to show that all must individually and collectively stand as the physical manifestation of accountability for the world that is all of OURS.

i commit myself to show that in ALL things WE are the movers of ourselves. thus i commit myself to show that choice exist within each and every one of us within how we move ourselves physically in the physical reality and that we are constantly making choices when we move ourselves this way or that way. and also when we accept and allow ourselves to be moved this way or that way.

i commit myself to move within awareness and self control of my entire physical body.

i commit myself to always consider my direct participation.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... tment.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

day 5: possession 4
SPEED
for a long time this has been a point of self-possession within me as well as self assistance. speed. i do many things fast. effectively, but fast. i clean fast. cook fast. drive fast. walk fast. work fast. when im doing a task i like to get it done. i like to say that i "just dont make a production" out of things. instead of ever thinking about how in the hell i am going to do all of whatever there is to do or how the hell am i even going to do it at all, i just get in there and start moving myself. i try not to have expectations about situations as i ultimately dictate how i am going to experience myself within myself in any given situation. i get in there and so things get done that need to get done. as self assistance, through speed, i learned to assert myself within the expression of me, as my voice, and me, as my movement.

definition

assert verb 1. to state with assurance, confidence or force.

2. cause others to recognize by confident and forceful behavior

3. to demonstrate the existence of.

the point of self-possession within speed comes not from the fact that i do things fast if they are being done effectively. the point of self-possession comes from me carrying on as if this is the only way to go about things. where i am possessed by my idea of how people should move or are moving instead of moving myself as the physical expression of practical action. period. where i will get frustrated when doing a task with someone if they are not working as fast as i think we should be working or walking as fast as i think we should be walking or moving as fast as i think we should be moving to get the task done. i end up just doing what i see needs to be done but the point of generating this experience of frustration and justification and impatience within me is being self-possessed by the superiority of "my way" or a "right way" of going about myself within how speed has specifically been supportive to me. this is not okay. this is not action that produces consequence that is best for all. this is not who i really am as life within consideration of all other life. this is who i really am as life within judgement of all other life.

there is no set way to go through process. i have had to slow myself down to actually REALeyes this point for myself. to where i can move HERE together with all others who are also in their various journey's of self-realization, of life, without judgment but with a mutual understanding of others as pieces of myself. the care and consideration and patience that i know i must give to myself to allow myself to move from what i have become to what i really am as LIFE- is the same care and consideration and patience that i must give to others as myself. this is not to accept stagnation or inactivity, but to be able to move within all of what we have become..

-i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rest in the fantasy of a mold and valuing this fantasy mold (of movement or speech or or expression..) over life.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of frustration within and as me when someone is not reflecting ideas i have created and accepted and allowed within me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of justification within and as me in relation to my experience of frustration at the inability of others to live up to my self created fantasy mold.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of impatience within and as me when someone is not reflecting ideas i have created and accepted and allowed within me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ideas of "right" and "wrong" movement. in this i cannot take full responsibility and accountability for all that is here as movement because of my separation of my self movement from what i deem as "wrong" and placing of my self movement where i deem as "right". in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a point of friction within me which initiates the generation of energy as emotion in me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to force others through their processes. in this i disregard the SELF movement and SELF realization that makes ones process real here in the physical.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in trying to rush others through their process of realization within themselves is actually me trying to rush my own process of realization within myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that there is more than one way to support ones self through this process.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value my movement over the movement of others.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live the statement of 'the only value is life'. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself into thinking i am valuing life when i am actually only valuing my self movement.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect everyone to reflect the value i have selfishly placed in the way i move myself. within this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others within their movement instead of standing as an example of practical self movement and letting that be it and me be that. no need to create emotional energy within myself because i am holding expectations which are not being met.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expectations of those around me. in this i disregard and disrespect the individual process of all those around me. thus, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place expectations on those around me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as expectations.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as impatience.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i can move, as life does, with no expectations.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i can move, as life does, with no impatience.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self importance within me and the way i move myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the care and consideration and patience that i move to give to myself is the same care and consideration and patience that i must give to all others, as myself, as life.

--self-commitment statements to come..

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... -4_19.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

day 6: possession 4 - additional self forgiveness + self commitment statements
SPEED
its very interesting that im walking this self-possession point of speed for myself right now. figuring when my self movement should be slower..where speed or 'just jumping' in is not self assisting.. where i have, again, created ideas for myself which trigger emotional response within myself in regards to speed.. where ive become so accustomed to 'just jumping in' and the self assisting aspects of speed that i am literally trying to push or force others. their movement, their words, their change, their realizations, their self movement. when in actually, that is impossible. no one can change another one. period. people may be able to influence another person but its up to the person to realize or disregard whatever they define as influence and actually walk it into physical reality as change. and no one can be forced or pushed to truly, self-honestly do that, as themselves, for life.

so, i was just recently presented with this imposition of ones ideas behind speed and self movement that i have been self-possessing myself with and dishing out to others within my secret mind, from another out right. the "not enough" , "ur not moving fast enough", "do more", "be how i think u should be" "do how i think u should do" "what u are doing is not enough for me and my mind of ideas" that i exist as with others within my self-possession with speed was reflected to me in another. the word judgement came up. and reading what i wrote yesterday i saw that i did not address the direct point of judgement within how i exist when in the self-possessed point of my created ideas about speed. i am seeing that judgement is a ignition point behind many points.

judgement -noun-

1. forming of a determination.

2. the evaluation of evidence in the making of a decision

3. the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others. in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that what i say or think in judgement of another is actually indicative of my judgement of myself. thus, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that we are in a time of continuous change. i cannot form a determination on someone in process as process is a continuous change.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others according to how they move within my self created ideas about my speed in which i have self-possessed myself. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require speed from others because it has been assisting to myself. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea that how people assist themselves should be the same for everyone (or dictated by me).

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush or force others into their own self movement. in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that self movement is not self movement unless it is coming from self.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in formulating ideas of how actions and movements must be carried out places self expression in a bubble. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept suppression within self expression.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i can move as self direction when in moments of being directed by something other than myself. i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that must grab a hold of myself as the mover of my physical body. that is what i can move.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate the experience of frustration and judgment in me when others do not live up to an idea i am not seeing i am being self-possessed by.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in wanting everyone to move like i move i am imposing my self importance within the process of another.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider less of a person because they are not moving at a pace a deem "right".

-- i commit myself to move with others around me. in this i will not push or force my expression over the expression of another.

i commit myself to show that in judging other people we actually display the judgement we have towards ourselves.

i commit myself to stop all judgment and creation of ideas about people.

i commit myself to stop all judgment and creation of ideas about myself.

i commit myself to realize that people change, but not on my time.

i commit myself to move within patience and compassion not only for myself within my process but for all others within theirs as well.

i commit myself to not rush through this process. as i do not want to miss a point or be addressing a point half assed. i commit myself to be real about the points i am facing.

i commit myself to drop my ideas of "right" and "wrong". in entirety. as they do not support this process of self responsibility and accountability for life and all that is here. i commit myself to drop my sense time and ideas of weights and measures within me and simply move within what is here at all times.

i commit myself to walk with. not walk for. i commit myself to move within connection to the bottom line point of to do what is best for all in moments.

i commit myself to stop comparing my self movement to the movement of others.

i commit myself to value life. not my ideas about life and how life should move.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... -self.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

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day 7: seeing the "real me"

its is difficult to self honestly take a step back and have a look at ourselves and what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as and participate in.

the "real me".

this "real me" is not who i am as LIFE within what is best for all. no. this "real me" is who i have really been being within self interest and a disregard for all other life. this "real me" is who i create charACTers to delude myself into thinking i am them when in actuality, the "real me" is just being masked by the charACTers i play.

-----

for example:

the character- could be 'the entertain me character'. where one would possibly go to strip clubs or go to the circus or to fancy restaurants to eat delicatessens like froi gras or hunt lions or constant video game play or tv watching. anything that entertains me. the bottom line is to demand to be entertained by various activities.

now, there is nothing "wrong" or "right" about a naked ass or going out to an event or any of these things. the question is --> who am i, self honestly, within how i am choosing to move myself?...who am i, self honestly, existing as within my participation? and when answered self honestly i am able to see the "real me" within 'the entertain me character' being played out.

the "real me"- as who i am choosing not to be aware i am being within self interest and a disregard for all other life is actually someone who does not care for the life of other beings, human or animal, as they would their own. its actually someone who values their life and experience over the life and experience of others to where abuse is disregarded to play out 'the entertain me character' and generate an experience for ones self. the "real me" in this is existing as a disregard for life. much of this is carried out in the secret mind. but much of it is very conscious.

-----

the point is, walking this process and actually being willing to see the "real me" i have been existing as that i have covered with charACTers is supportive but very straight forward if looked at with self honesty. i do not always like what it is that is under the charACTer as the "real me" that i have been accepting and allowing myself to existing as. i have to realize judgment gets me no where. being willing to see is NOT an invitation to create self judgement. i cannot run from who i have become. the "real me". being able to see this allowance of myself is the first step in walking out of it and into LIFE within consideration as a physical manifestation.

-i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself run from the truth of myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass judgement on myself when seeing the "real me" beneath.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider, see and realize the flow of consequences within what i am participating in.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider other life as i would want my life considered.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider, see and realize that there is more to a circus than smiles and clowns. in this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my enjoyment over LIFE as the animals.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create charACTers in which i play in order to present a mask of who i am. in this, i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider, see and realize what statement is being presented beneath the mask.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to DEMAND consideration of all LIFE within experiences of 'entertainment'.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself see my direct participation within all the abuse of LIFE that happens within our idea of 'entertainment'.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a secret mind in which i use self deception to protect.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of shock, denial and defense when presented with the "real me". where i accept and allow the truth of who i am existing as to cause me to generate the experience of shame.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of shame within me.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that instead of manifesting shame i should be realizing self responsibility and allowing myself to move to change.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self responsibility for who i am really existing as within my actions.

--self commitment statements to come..

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... al-me.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

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day 8: snitches and stitches and ditches
there is a saying of ours that goes, snitches get stitches.. or snitches get ditches..
definition

snitch -noun-

1. an informer

2. telltale (something that indicates or reveals information.)

3. -verb- to steal (something, usually something of little value)

so a snitch is essentially someone who is honest about something or someone. a truth teller. someone who does not keep the secret of dishonesty. someone who will tell what has happened as it happened.

this saying 'snitches get stitches' basically means that if u snitch or inform or reveal information or, in a nutshell, tell the truth of a situation then the result of that should be violence upon u. that u should get stitches. or our other way of saying 'snitches get ditches' basically means that if u snitch or inform or reveal information or, in a nutshell, tell the truth of a situation then the result of that should be death upon u. that u should be dead in a ditch.

this is a huge mindset in our society currently. this idea that someone who tells the truth or displays 'what is' of a situation or of a person is deserving of abuse or even death. this point is displayed very well within the whistle blowers of our society which are people who have come forward to tell the truth about things being done in secret or masquerading lies. as a society we both see the need for the reveal and also hate the revealer. this really shows much about the way we are existing and why. dishonesty has become very glorified in our world. we want it. we worship it. we are addicts to our addiction as lies and dishonesty and we have been on a binge for generations upon generations.. honesty is looked at as a betrayal or being against someone or something. we have made the truth out to be our enemy because we have found comfort ability in our lies and the lies as the charACTers that we play out to keep the truth of us, the "real me", at bay. this "real me" we push aside and protect the lie with statements like 'snitches get stitches'. to the point where we have ourselves CONvinced that we should not even be honest with ourselves about ourselves. where we have bullied ourselves into keeping the truth about the "real me" locked away because the truth of ourselves is very apparent and very clear as 'what is'. only a mind solidified within delusion chooses to disregard 'what is'.

there are many songs out in our world that speak on this point of snitching. a snitch is made out to be the lowest of the low. i have heard some crazy rankings when it comes to a snitch and what is acceptable instead of basically telling the truth about a situation or snitching. this is rapped and sung about and spoke about by many people in the entertainment industry. the celebrities we hold to such a superiority over ourselves fuel this point of our war against the truth. where it is an ego boost to be a great liar in which u receive a pat on the back from society and a "drag" to be someone who tells the truth in which may get u a shun from society.

my family right now is dealing with this idea of snitching or truth telling. there was a rape that took place within our family many years ago that was never addressed or talked about. this truth was kept secret and is now being brought into the awareness of 'what is'. the person that was raped is ashamed and feeling bad for snitching. worried about what others will think of the person who raped (what other will think about the truth) because the person that was raped did not do it to down the person who raped them. the person that was raped snitched or told the truth to be able to move themselves fully HERE within consideration and accountability for 'what is'. the weight of a secret is heavy on ones self. much more involved within this but.. the way we handle truth is a the major issue here. we first create a point of "overwhelming" for ourselves because the truth or 'what is' is HERE always. but we arent. so when we accept and allow ourselves to be HERE fully along with 'what is' we are presented with much of what was being disregarded. then our immediate "go to" of judgement instead of understanding keeps us from walking back our participation in the cultivation of 'what is'.

my friend's brother was killed a month or two ago. shot dead in front of a store. there were people around. people know what took place and who was involved. but no one will step up and be honest or tell the truth. no one will because no one wants to be a snitch, a truth teller, an information revealer, one who sees and addresses 'what is'.

THE TRUTH IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS TO BE KEPT TO SELF FOR SELF. THE TRUTH DOES NOT NEED PROTECTION. THE TRUTH IS TO BE LIVED AND RESPECTED AND ADDRESSED AS 'WHAT IS' HERE.

self realization: i am a snitch

self forgiveness and self-commitment statements to come..

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... tches.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

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day 9: snitches and stitches and ditches - self forgiveness and self-commitment statements
- i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value dishonesty.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to devalue honesty or the truth of 'what is'.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tricking myself into believing and manifesting the idea that i am not able to see 'what is'. thus, i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i am the only thing that stands in the way of me seeing the truth of 'what is' HERE.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself, as a lie. to where i defend the lie, as myself, to not have to give up what i have placed value in. in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and live that the ONLY value here is LIFE and what is best for ALL LIFE within consideration of ALL LIFE.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the truth of a situation is only to be feared if i fear accountability for the totality of the "real me" within the situation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dirty the definition of trust and the physical act of being trustworthy to one that actually devalues trust as the value is placed in secret keeping and standing as a dishonest representation of self.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in valuing a false representation of 'what is', of the truth, i am valuing a false representation of myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that as LIFE is HERE, standing as the truth of 'what is', so should i. so that i can stand within oneness of life as a physical representation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to places lies above life. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest anger within me when faced with the truth of 'what is' as LIFE because i desire the lie.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the "real me" within statements like snitches get stitches or snitches get ditches that is standing as the physical representation of dishonesty.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand as the physical representation of dishonesty.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea of comfort around a lie.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the many ways in which my dishonesty is so plainly HERE for me to see.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the self honesty within and as me in favor of resting in the created idea of comfort around a lie.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the reflection of my own dishonesty within myself in the world of dishonesty that is HERE for all. as i add my piece of dishonesty to the whole of accepted and allowed dishonesty HERE.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the lie because it makes me feel good.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beLIEve in the lie.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny the truth of 'what is' because it forces accountability and responsibility. thus, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea of fear around accountability and responsibility.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that just because being honest is socially unacceptable is NOT a reason to be dishonest. it is an excuse to be dishonest.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing social "rules" that OBVIOUSLY do not consider all life to direct me instead of being the self directive principle within my actions.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ideas of those that hate the truth to direct me instead of being the self directive principle within my actions.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that i am the only authority there is over me and the way i move. and any movement is ultimately by way of my acceptances and allowances.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my accountability and responsibility for all that is HERE as my individual self.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my accountability and responsibility for all that is HERE as our collective reality.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the self participation that is involved in the delusional state i put myself in to where i am "not able"/unwilling to see the truth of 'what is'.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as the physical manifestation of 'my word'.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to cause someone physical pain to feed to need of the ego.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to cause someone physical pain because they do not display my idea of value for dishonesty.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest the idea that someone who is honest about the "wrong" thing should be killed.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest the idea that someone who is honest about the "right" thing should be praised.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judgments and ideas 'what is'.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to cause someone physical pain because they have told the truth about me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny the truth of myself and expect others to value denying that truth as well.

--i commit myself to stand as honesty towards myself and to those around me.

i commit myself to move myself as the physical expression of LIFE within self honesty.

i commit myself to speak on the societal misrepresentation of the truth teller.

i commit myself to stand up for LIFE in situations where its value is being given to dishonesty.

i commit myself to show that we must stand accountable for our actions that manifest 'what is'. and in this that accountability is not to be feared if it is to be directed.

i commit myself to move myself within what is HERE as LIFE for all and not rest in the fantasy of my ideas and desires.

i commit myself to stop the judgement of things and simply see them as they are.

i commit myself to delete all ideas and manifestations of fear within myself and move as the self directive principle within all of my actions in which participate in the manifestation of the world.

i commit myself NOT to move and manifest and experience of 'the defense charACTer' when someone is voicing a truth about myself.

i commit myself to stand accountable for my actions in which participate in the manifestation of the world.

i commit myself NOT to be trusted with secrets, or hiding the truth of 'what is', but to be trusted with LIFE.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... es_25.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

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day 10: seeing the "real me" - self-commitment statements

--i commit myself to look past the charACTers that we play to consider who we are existing as within our actions.

i commit myself to show that these charACTers that we play are not who we are in fact but are who we are when existing in separation from 'what is' in favor of self created fantasy.

i commit myself to investigate the charACTers that i see myself playing out to consider who i stand as within the consequences of charACTers.

i commit myself to show that consequence only has negative connotation if labeled by self. and within this i commit myself to show that consequence is to be investigated as it shows the unfolding of actions and their manifestation HERE in the physical.

i commit myself to see, realize and understand.

i commit myself to not move as judgement but as consideration and a willingness to see 'what is' without trying to make it into 'what i want it to be'.

i commit myself to expose the "real me" of us in relation to our ideas of entertainment. much is to be exposed of who we are and how we are manifesting ourselves in this world through the consideration of our entertainment.

i commit myself to consider my direct participation within situations. to walk the web of connection that is all life here.

i commit myself to walk as awareness and consideration of all. to where i will not rest in the charACTer but dig to find the "real me" within situations.

i commit myself to show that self interest (accepted and allowed and physically manifested self interest) within entertainment is what leads to abuse. i commit myself to show that we can enjoy ourselves HERE together within oneness and equality and a bottom line of what is best for all life within our entertainment.

i commit myself to show that our fear of doing things differently in this world stems from generational acceptance and allowance that goes back to the beginning of time. within this i commit myself to show that walking out of these cycles are possible but they must be walked.

i commit myself to consider the point of equality and oneness and consideration of LIFE, as LIFE, when assessing what it is that entertains me.

i commit myself to consider the statements my actions and acceptances and allowances are actually making.

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... tment.html

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