a tree's journey to life

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... epted.html

day 21: the travelling idea of accepted bullying

bully verb

use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. synonyms: persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate, strong-arm, dominate; more.

ive been working this event for the past month or so with roxul. its a insulation that is formulated out of rocks (basalt and slag) instead of fiberglass. so in working this event i have been going around to two stores that sell insulation doing demos showing all the features and benefits of roxul. in doing this ive been talking to a lot of employees. getting knowledge about how the product is moving off the shelf, expressed contractor concerns and generally educating the employees to be able to educate the consumers on this insulation option. in doing this i have learned a lot about the way these two companies work. and moreover about the way these two companies work together. or lack there of.

anytime i mentioned the name of one company i will refer to as S company in the presence of employees of the other company i will refer to as T company it was like i was screaming curse words in the building lol. and vice versa. one wanted nothing to do with the other as an unspoken sense of hatred because they do and sell, essentially, the same products and services. (*there is much to say about our overall practices of business in this world and their practicality but im trying not to digress and stick to this one point. which is a point for myself. focus within writing. in that every blog i write does not have to address every connecting point to the point i am speaking on. and when realizing that all points connect really lol i sometimes lose my focus and self direction in writing. so i breathe..and focus.) in talking to one employee at S company about the roxul product and its flow off the shelves so far seeing as S company just started to carry the product within the past couple of month even though T company has been carrying it for at least a year i was told that S company is a lot more conservative and fearful and harder to convince than T company to do certain things and the employees had to petition for months to get roxul in the building. the employee spoke on the way S company hinders itself due to its accepted and allowed ideas and stances of its board of directors but also the way T company had strove to hinder them as well. T company has been in business for a lot longer than S company. though they both do and sell the same products and services, T company is bigger. it has more money, more stores, more employees, more friends and more strength. and this 'more' is used to T company's advantage. the employee let me know that there are a couple of products that S company cannot sell or was not allowed to sell for a period of time because T company is so big and has so much money and strength that T company went to the manufacturer and told them that they, T company, will buy their product and put it in all of their stores BUT ONLY if the manufacturer agreed not to sell to S company. either at all in some cases or for a period of time in others. basically, T company bullied the manufacturer via size and the ability to control the profit of the manufacturer to force them to do what T company wanted. corporate bullying. big company "taking the lunch money" of little company because of shear size.

this nurtured, encouraged world wide sense of competition as the basis of growth and prosperity has seeped into every aspect of our lives here in this world. to where we feel like we cannot live and grow (do business, wear clothes, express ourselves, eat, walk, drive..) unless we are "one uping" or beating out someone else to do it. ive experienced this within my writing also. where i separate myself from other life essentially to the point that i judge my expression in comparison to what i judge of their expression. accepting and allowing ideas of this others expression being great and profound and "right" within the sense of competition as the basis of everything assist me in creating ideas that my writing is not so great and profound and essentially "wrong" in comparison to what i hold "on high" of someone elses expression. when considering my acceptance of these ideas i see what we, as a world, are really being bullied by is our sense of separation from one another as life within oneness and equality here. to where this sense of separation uses the strength we fuel it with via the energy our acceptance and allowance gives to this idea to intimidate us into fearing our oneness and equality as life here. we fear our obvious connection. we separate ourselves into businesses, families, religions, systems, countries, states, parties, cities, teams, races, genders. we are intimidated by the mere idea of not separating ourselves into these things.


this idea of bullying travels. it doesnt begin or end in our schools with our children. it starts with us. who we are accepting and allowing ourselves to be as adult people as examples to younger people. we are so busy trying to control how children are becoming in this world we miss the point that we create every platform for their growth. via our society, our cultures, our government, our schools, our media, our music, our entertainment, our motivation as an example. we, adults, show them, children, how we are and they make themselves accordingly. the relationship of parent to child is where most children first experience the experience of being bullied. i know it was that way for me. my relationship with my parents is where i first learned that people can make other people do what they want by playing on an emotion or idea. "i am ur parent so thats why what i say is true." being someone who enjoys self educating and considering that which is not widely considered and someone who understands that i do not live in a world that is transparent but instead very secretive and manipulating at every turn, i know that all there is to learn about a subject- be it writing, economics, health care, deforestation, animal testing, clothing manufacturing, people..- is not readily expressed and shared with all. no one is telling the whole story of things in the day to day. not our schools, with our politicians, our presidents, our teachers, our parents. ourselves. there is much missed within all aspects of who we are as people here. and we should take opportunity from that realization. not shame. our team, team Life, is only as strong as its weakest link. we must work to stop bullying ourselves with our sense of separation by realizing our equality as life here. if we dont we will continue to doom ourselves and future generations. we cannot sit and wonder why things happen to us in separation of self from life. things dont just happen. things are created..formulated..made to happen. we are all active participants in this one life. only from accountability can anything different come forth.

the desteni lite course has really helped me in addressing myself within my realizations as i go through my process. self forgiveness to come.

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... epted.html

day 22: the travelling idea of accepted bullying - sf/scs

context-- http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... epted.html

theres a big point within the idea of accepting bullying that i missed in my last writing. not completely missed but not really focused on. but that i have seen manifest in myself and in others around me since- showing me what i missed within my consideration. and that is the impact of the point of being a bully to ourselves.


i have seen the bully within present itself in me in many ways. in the past with fears. i had made the decision to walk through and within my fears but who we are as who we have made ourselves works to keep self as self has been. change is a process that has to be walked through. implemented. there were many times i had backchat of "u dont really have to worry about the fears." "its not a big deal." "just stay away from what u fear." "everyone has fears. its normal. dont fight it." in this is where self as self has been tries to bully the progress away from who i am as life. which is life. not fear as a specified idea.

or currently when i am in the mist of anger. i know anger. i see it for what it is. energy generated and expelled to generate and expel more energy to feed the minds. it is not who i am as life. but i still, sometimes, even when walking myself through the practicality of what i am feeling and why -am faced with that self as self has been as backchat says " ugh, just forget about it." "its THEIR fault im creating this anger in the first place." "u are the victim!" in this is where self as self has been tries to bully the progress away from who i am as life. which is life. not anger as emotion.

ive seen this with many people around me who want some type of result or are going for a goal. to where they will bully or belittle themselves into staying in line. where we use the force that is the compounded energy of years of acceptance and allowance to help us create a polarity personality to replace it with. its war. internal conflict instead self support and stability.

" stability is a gradual process - and I am still walking this - every moment you breathe will test you multi-dimensionally, and must always stand in every moment of breath with all that you are until all is equal and one with and as you " -anu

i do not want to change. as want signals a desire. i see the need to change. as need signals a consideration of what is required and what is actually not required - what is practical and what is not practical - what real and what is fantasy.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the manifestation of self as a bully.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to intimidate and oppress myself through bullying.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to uplift and expand myself through bullying.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the learned behavior of bullying in every other of interaction in this world.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold my will above anothers and in this use this idea of self as higher than/more important than to essentially push myself onto other people.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place others above myself as a sense of authority. as someone who is over myself. in this the power that is our ability to move our physical body from one place to another place and the responsibility therein is completely given away to another to do with as they please.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to taint the process of life by accepting and allowing bullying as a solution to lack of motivation. motivation is self and self is motivation as the living words here in the physical. so lack of motivation is actually lack of self as life within oneness and equality.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to replace self as self has been with a bullying personality to try to keep myself in line. in this change is by way of emotional abuse towards self.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that even if we are taught to bully (self and others) and encouraged to bully (self and others)there is still self responsibility in the physical manifestation of the bully personality. it must be walked. just like change. and it is always self that is doing the walking if walking is being done.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have to be controlled. i dont have to be controlled. i am the physical manifestation of control.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have to control others. in this is actually fear that we cannot be trusted with ourselves. fear that we cannot be trusted with life. though to move to establish more trust. not control.

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

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http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... ction.html

day 23: losing traction within reaction

the real test is when i am directly within and as a reaction. already made it my own. living it. manifesting the idea that is attached to the reaction in the physical that is my body. this is where self, as life, is really tested.
reaction become so automated after time. after blind acceptance and allowance of the reaction as "who i am". it comes out of nowhere it seems because we have forgot about ourselves as makers of 'it'. we gloss over and pack away the ways in which we allow behavior to flow from us. when that responsibility - for the way we experience ourselves..for our behavior- is not seen as our own but as something from outside of ourselves that we are at the mercy of/slave to 'it'. though even then we are a willing slave. a purposeful pawn in a game we make for ourselves.

who am i within whatever i am faced with? ..

i ask myself this question often. and the answer is always the same. i am life.

a tree is life.

a tree does not react to the wind. a tree moves within and as oneness with the wind.

a tree does not wait to be touched by the sun. a tree directs itself to grow towards the sun.

a tree does not worry. throughout every season, a tree is stable. so to be more like a tree..


i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a reaction. when reacting i am not directing myself within the physical but i am being directed by something i see as outside of myself that i am a slave to.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rest in the blanket reasoning that automatic reactions are natural and that they are to be embraced instead of questioned.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question everything that comes from me in the moment that i see it come from me so i am ensured that i, as a self honest representation of life, am directing myself here in the physical.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose myself within a reaction to where i feel like i must just follow the energy within the reaction. further feeding the automation by not finding strength to question the energy whilst directly in it.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be stable within responsibility for myself. meaning never attributing the responsibility for the behavior/words/thoughts that comes from me are to anyone or anything else but myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be used as a puppet by the ideas i accept and allow as the master of me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the representation of simplicity that is displayed within nature. and my/our connection within and as that representation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move so quickly through moments that i miss their make up.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disconnecting from the process that is ' a reaction '. losing traction, so to speak, while within a reaction. stopping the embrace within and as the energy that generates the follow through of a reaction.

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

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day 24: waste not need not

waste:definition
-use or expend carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose.
-(of a person or a part of the body) become progressively weaker and more emaciated.
-(of a material, substance, or byproduct) eliminated or discarded as no longer useful or required after the completion of a process.
-(of an area of land, typically in a city or town) not used, cultivated, or built on.
-an act or instance of using or expending something carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose.
=material that is not wanted; the unusable remains or byproducts of something.

waste is a big issue in our world. waste of time, food, housing, people, cloths, space, potential. we waste our overall resources in favor of, essentially, fighting to the death for our personal acquirement of them. there is an abundance here. the earth is wonder full that way. and i dont say that to say anything we do to/on the earth is fine because there is plenty to go around. but to say that there is an abundance here. and what we do with that abundance will determine if its physically manifested through us or physically stifled through us. ultimately, we decide. and that process of decision making and walking a decision that has been made into the physical has been hijacked.

in my business i see a lot of waste. i have studied marketing since freshman year of high school (both in school and as a serious curious self investigator) and worked in the marketing industry for almost 10 years now. i have seen first hand how the ideas of edward bernays are steady being used to influence the thoughts, emotions, behaviors and decisions of the public in order to push an agenda of those with money. bernays is the man responsible for turning evil cancer sticks into "torches of freedom" and getting women to begin habitual behavior they were previous against. he also got women to wear hairnets after a change in the desired hairstyle was making hairnet manufactures afraid they wouldnt be able to continue making tons of money. all by the molding and manipulation of the minds of the public. bernays expanded on one of the many possibilities of us as a people. there are thousands. of possibilities. but this one, this passive aggressive manipulation and control of people, was ran with. all others, equality..oneness..collective community..co operation..selectless care and consideration..resource management..sharing..thy neighbor as thy self, seemed to be completely disregarded in favor of this one. or probably not yet considered at all. what was cool about bernays is that he was a digger. and he dug into the depths of the human mind and its translation into the physical. saw what we are capable of. but only a very small part. the starting point on the same platform of control. he believed people could be bernaysed into buying, into war, into peace. into anything. this point found could have been used to encourage responsibility within ourselves, our actions, our thoughts, our purchases as we see our collective influence. in this the potential of bernays was wasted. because he stopped. he stopped at one possibility and got lost in it as The Solution or The End All of who we are as people. we are so quick to accept what we see despite..instead of considering to change ourselves, our make up, our shortcomings.

i have spent the past couple of days essentially wasting trees. i had boxes upon boxes of cardboard coasters to give away for free to bars and restaurants. first, lets look at this concept of free. i am in the business of seemingly free things. all i give away are free things. i rarely sell outright. but i can tell u honestly that in our world there is not one thing that is free. everything cost money. if a person that receives an item has paid no cost that is ONLY because the physical price of said item has already been paid for by someone else. and that someone else is usually the person who benefits from the seemingly free transaction. but the person who receives the "free" item pays as soon as they take it. they pay with their attention..with their already fine tuned reception to influence..with their subconscious awareness of themselves within interaction. thats what i am paid to to. initiate an experience that has a lasting effect on future decisions. but in this case thats what the seemingly free coasters were designed to do. i was the free coaster fairy seemingly saving these bars and restaurants from having to pay money for coasters. as far as all the bars and restaurants are concerned they are happy to get the coasters. thankful even in some cases. "we can always use free coasters!" many said. yes, they understand my clients position and purpose for giving them these free coasters. but they are at the mercy of money saved by using the free ones despite what they say on them, what they promote or what they encourage. and time in this rat race as we have made it that is seemingly saved by not having to stock and wash reusable coasters. i say ive been spending my days wasting trees because we really dont need coasters at all. bars and restaurants use them because they are easier. u dont have to clean them or be responsible for them. u just throw them out when ur done with them. and ya know, trash just disappears. so then the coasters are gone. of course that is not the case but many of us have no clue where our trash goes and nor to we care. we blindly accept and allow the idea that after the trash men take it, its gone and we are not to every think of it every again.

"For every ton (2,000 pounds) of cardboard that we recycle, we can save nine cubic yards of landfill space. Each ton of recycled paper can save 17 trees, 380 gallons of oil, nine cubic yards of landfill space, 4,000 kilowatts of energy and 7,000 gallons of water." - recycling cardboard a never ending task

if these are the things that we knowingly save by recycling consider all of what can be avoided with sustainable practices within our production. and that starts with responsibility within our actions. as consumers and companies alike. there is the proposal of the living income guaranteed. it recognizes that much of our issues come from the point that our equality as life and responsibility towards it is not physically manifested. its is resisted because it causes friction with our generational accepted and allowed ideas of ourselves. its proposed that we realize our equality as life here as a starting point. we all require the same basic things and the ability to acquire them. much of our waste is attributed to the fact that there is not enough money being made (within our created system of "how to make money and stay alive") to purchase what we keep on making anyway. so its wasted. that is evident in the case of food waste and starvation- unused homes and homelessness. so to first proposed to take responsibility for life. that responsibility for life, our own and others, will translate into our systems of production. giving responsible buying power to consumers creates accountability within companies. with a living income guaranteed in place because we arent forced to survive we are open to actually explore what living, together, actually is. because we arent forced to buy what is cheap to be able to eat we can buy what supports our physical bodies. clean production already makes sense now. but with the living income guaranteed clean production would make financial sense to companies as well.

do we really need coasters? boxes? i have seen thousands of options for ways in which to keep a bar dry..for catching condensation that does not demand such waste. i have seen a design of a collapsible box that could be reused time and time again. never to waste another tree on needlessness when its not, well needed. we advocate recycling but a world of zero waste is possible. like all things. it starts with accountability. within every aspect of ourselves here. accountability within production, distribution, education. no longer accepting of any means to get to a desired end. seems big? maybe. if we rest in our manufactured minds definitions of big and small. but not if we use our common sense and walk. its interesting that implementation is a lot smoother when its not conscious..when self does not see self as responsible..when its pushed aside as a necessity from our dna or existence as "just what is". but when self takes the reigns for self (and all selves take the reigns of all selves)- there is no one to look to but self within consequence. no more wondering of how and why. because we see the make up because we are the make up. and that can be difficult to adjust to. all around shameless responsibility.

but its possible.



self forgiveness on this point of waste to come...

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... d-not.html

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... sfscs.html

day 27: waste not need not - sf/scs

context- day 26: waste not need not

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept that there must be waste.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself within the creation of the word waste.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to really address the issues of our waste. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow excuses instead of demanding solutions which are here.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass responsibility for our waste somewhere else where i am not present. where i am not accountable. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think someone else is responsible for my waste.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see where it is that I specifically am contributing to the waste of time, energy, space and potential within myself and within the world as a collection of selves.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question our practices here in our world. whether these practices actually support US, not just me but US, here.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to jump head first into the idea of this system, as is, being the only option for a manifestation of our collective selves here.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to really explore options here in this world..to really explore this world within simplicity and a truth that is not my owned but ours equally. we are given a set platform from our parents and mostly youth believe what the parent believe. in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we do not have to physically manifest the ideas of our parents. they are ushers. not dictators. whether we think so or not.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always take the easy route versus the best route.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the word 'best'. or to fear my responsibility within this word as the giver of its definition. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe i am not able to know what is best and so i throw my hands up at the question because i have accepted that i cannot know what can be.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing who we are existing as within what we do. in this we miss the opportunity for self awareness and self responsibility.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cut corners. in this acceptance and allowance from myself i display what i will accept ad allow from my world. if i accept and allow the idea that i cannot change then i accept and allow the idea that my world cannot change. and neither are rightly true. but both can be accepted and allowed.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay quiet in the face of needless waste. i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that all points of correction start with me.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the clarity that is readily in the forefront of our reality. we constantly show ourselves to ourselves. though miss who we are. i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see things as they actually are but instead viewing them as id like them to be.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider other options for our living. i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider other life within our living.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we either physically manifest our abundance here or we physically manifest our possibility of scarcity.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make manufactured decision. meaning decisions based on the influence of something other than myself. in this i lend my power of creation through and as the physical to an outside source.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be informed on the way the public is steered and encourage and guided via the media. in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question every single decision that comes from me being aware and informed on the way the public has been manufactured.

i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to consider the correlation between food waste and starvation and unused homes and homelessness. nor have i considered the practicality of a system that accepts and allows these things to exist simultaneously. needlessly.


i commit myself to explore my waste. of time, energy, space, materials and potential.

i commit myself to seeing what i am capable of..what is best..and standing as its physical manifestation.

i commit myself to stand in the face of accepted and allowed and created fear of the unknown or the new or the unfamiliar when really researching a final solution to a problem.

i commit myself to investigate the make up of any decision that comes from me. to actually see what factors, ideas, memories, separations (likes, dislikes) that contribute to the decision made. and whether any of those things actually matter towards the practicality of the decision.

i commit myself to consider all, not just myself, within the decision that i make. i commit myself to see that my contribution as my decision make up our contribution of our decisions. i matter. i am one vote.

i commit myself to not rest in the current state of accepted mediocrity. of self or of the world. i will question. i will engage. i will research. i will consider. i will see. i will change as i walk...

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... -kids.html

day 26: hey! teacher! leave those kids alone..

my sister was talking to me this morning about how much she hated school on our way to school. we were running a bit behind so i told her i would write her a note. she said not to bother that she would rather go to 'aca' which is some acronym for the place u go when u are late without reason/a note. u have to skip the bell that is currently going on. i asked why and she said because they are going to have a substitute in her first bell and its a substitute that she hates. i ask her why she says she hates the teacher and she says that they have a group of substitutes and they all are worst than her teachers because since they are substitutes they feel like they dont have to abide by any real rules because they arent real teachers. they may feel that way but im sure that is not the underlined reason of why and how they have made themselves into people that go into a position like teaching without really considering what that would physically mean for themselves or as collective consequence in the world.

she says that one of them tells the students not to ask any questions because since they are a sub they are not qualified to teach the subject they are subbing. so dont ask.. so anytime this sub is in they know not to ask if they have a question. because there is no one to give them an answer. learning nor teaching are really happening when this sub is being paid to be in the school. because this sub has already accepted and allowed the idea that they are not enough. and that is ok with them as long as they get a check for standing in front of a class. but as a result the children do not want to do work in this class when the sub is there. because they know they wont get assistance. which has a consequence on drive in a student as a teacher.

another is really religious and attempts to make the students pray together in class. if ur religious this probably sounds awesome at first. but consider if that religion of which prayers are being, essentially, forced into the curriculum is not the one u believe in. what if it was a chant to satan? a spell for gaia? a chat with the purple people eater? would u be just as inclined to accept it from a teacher? probably not because it does not coincide with ur personal beLIEf. because its personal. its urs. not everyones. but what is everyones? what is our common sense? our education system is supposed to be our common sense taught to our youth. its not supposed to teach youth to be better satan worshipers or god worshipers or worshipers at all. its not supposed to teach youth how to talk to their idea of a god. its supposed to teach children the tools to investigate, understand and contribute to a world they are a part of. those tools are everyones. a school is not an institution to implement religious dogma or initiate a personal agenda of any kind. its where we should fine tune the ability to access, process and manifest knowledge. that is our collective agenda.

this one sub demands that all female students leave the room before all male students. the males are to wait until every female is out of the room when this sub is in and one is to hold the door. he tells them its only right to let females go first in everything. here some may think this is just teaching the young men chivalry and the ladies to be fair. its interesting that we, today, convey chivalry as opening doors for women or helping old people across the street or giving up a seat to someone. rarely if ever do we see this trait as attainable for a woman or acceptable coming from a woman. its ridiculous that a woman would be chivalrous. thats, apparently, for the men. we always hear that chivalry is dead. well i say, let that shit die. courtesy is a responsibility of people. not just people with penises. i hold the door for whomever is behind me. its courteous. and if its a man i usually get into a back forth because many, even when they are in the position to be supported, will refuse it because we are so hung up on an idea instead of the practicality of the situation. we must convey to our children that courtesy can be common if we make it. common courtesy. its everyones.

the school system as a whole here where i live is lacking to say the least. they blatantly attempt to just push the children through not at all making sure they are ready. i recall when i pushed my sister to ask questions and demand answers from her teachers. she was apprehensive to ask (and willing to not know which is a consequence of not having a truth worthy platform for students to go to for answers. they get complacent with mediocrity.)because the teachers were already displaying a lack of real effort in their positions. there was a math question that she did go to her teacher to help her solve. he ended up not being able to solve the problem himself. and instead of showing the student how to approach something they do not know, how to fact find, how to follow steps, how to figure out- he gave her the answer and just said he wasnt sure how to get it though. so now she is set up for failure for future presentations of similar problems. because she still does not know how to come to the solution. yes, we cannot force a child to learn. it must be implemented by the self that is learning. but it must be initiated by us. those that were here before. those that present. those that guide. those that teach.

teaching is a big deal. and some people just should not be teaching. theres a really cool blog that talks about this. a teachers journey to life- why some people shouldnt be teachers . the blog as a whole explores the point of teaching as a point that, in fact, changes the world. and the responsibility thereof. very cool posts.

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terhas
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Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... -grow.html

day 27: helping things grow



helping things to grow can be difficult. plants, pets, plans, ones self. and especially others. and we definitely are charged, as mutual Life growing together here, to help one another grow. to grow into the best versions of ourselves that physically present the best version of Life.

my little sister is 16 and has lived with me for two years now. she was only 3 when our mother died so there is not much if any memory of a mother in her world. she went to live with a man ,N, who appointed himself her father while she was still in the womb of my mother with whom he was in love with. her birth father has never been around. she was with N for about 5 years. at that time my aunt E, with a selfish heart and hateful intentions, created a story of my little sister being in a dangerous and bad situation. and she convinced my little sister that it was either true or had to be said despite its validity. and to an adult, listens a child. my aunt E manipulated my older sister, S, who accepted and allowed the manipulation, into furthering her agenda. once wrapped tightly in my aunt E's lies- we, the sisters, did the rest. we wrote letters and went to court and got custody from N and my little sister went to live with my older sister S.

while with S the little one grew. all years, ive since learned, are formative. every single second of every single one. but these years she was with S seem to be very importance for the shift of the self of my little sister from child to young adult. from a point of being guided to a point of guiding self. their relationship was not the most supportive it could have been because S has a lot in her past that invades her present. in not addressing the past she is not supporting herself fully. and her unwillingness and/or inability to fully support herself to the best of her ability (and as Life, she is damn well able..) translates to her ability support others. my little sister was there for about 3 years. S began to be faced with much of her own personal things and the presence of her boyfriend began to cause discomfort because he is a sleepwalker (for identifiable reasons. unknown to myself or himself though). and that living situation was no longer an option.

so she came here initially to live with our uncle who is co guardian with S but my uncle was unable, un-fully-willing, to do what was needed so she was taken care of. and his girlfriend at the time did not like my little sister. and voiced that. she did not want her living with them and my uncle choose to accept that and bring her to where i was living at the time with another sister. i did not want to be the guardian to my little sister. i knew it would be serious work. helping things grow always is. i understood i did not make this child from a baby with my influence and example. no one really did. so not only are there 5 reference points for parental people in her life but none of them were me. so this was not something that i wanted to do. but ive long understood the deception of desires and only things that feel good and things that i am comfortable within the confines of my mind. so i was able to simply approached the task when it was needed.

i have been around tons of babies. from womb to running. my mother was an at home midwife who delivered many of babies in our house growing up. i watched her assist in bringing babies into the world with ease. there was always a clam and clarity about her when it came to the little ones. she was amazing to a eager young girl. i have a memory of a woman in labor at the house. she had been staying with us for days as may did because they allowed the baby to come on its own as it please. sometimes it took days. but it was realized that the baby was breach. that means that the head is where the feet should be and the feet are where the head should be- in positioning to come out. i saw my mother place her hands on the womans belly and began to feel where the babies body was. she adjusted and positioned and scooted the baby from the outside of her stomach and the baby guided itself around to the correct position. and then we had the baby. it was amazing to watch her. that comfortability i transferred to myself. i am extremely comfortable around babies and young children. especially since really learning about self trust and how that transfers to a child at that developmental stage. being able to trust and resonate with tone and energy of presence. the more i am able to be trusted and trust me the more they will trust me- ive found with babies and little children. but that doesnt translate to the bigger ones. because they are not looking at adults for 'how to be a "me" tips and examples so much anymore at that older stage. but that doesnt mean guardians/parents are no longer giving tips and/or being examples. i havent got much experience with many children my sisters age other than i use to be one. and the one i was is not as the one she is. and the time and place i was one in is not the time and place she is. so its hard to relate to much besides what i know to be equally necessary among Life at all ages. trust, honesty, communication, responsibility, contribution.

my little sister will not be places she is supposed to be..will lie about who she is with..will disappear all night long without a call (or ready with a lie on her lips when she is able to tell it that she attempts to call and text me but they miraculously dont get to me only when she is the caller/texter..)..be caught in lies but refuses to be accountable for her actions or try to keep coming up with un-valid reasons why what needed to be done did not get done by her. its really a refusal of practicality and common sense. she has a problem with anyone telling her anything because she doesnt feel she has to answer to anyone. not even herself. because she is not stupid and shows that she knows in things that she says in relation to things other kids do but to know is not enough. when faced with opportunity knowing is not enough. we do or we dont. and i am not shy. so i talk to her. about practicality, common sense, consideration, children, adults, animals, introspection, sex. absolutely everything. it doesnt seem right. ("right"/"wrong"= ideas) this behavior. i see it as a shot to myself. i dont feel regarded. i feel uncared for. and what can one do about that? when its coming from a young person who i have to take care of. i am aware of our equality as Life here. i am aware that even as a young adult, she has a responsibility to me as well. to consider me and act accordingly as i consider her and act accordingly. i am not doing this because i am an adult. i am doing it because i am able and it needs to be done. its hard when my example does not produce results..(which i see is a point i need to dig i and do self forgiveness on). i am not my dna so i am not going to fight her. though this is a constant suggestion from many around me. to kick her ass. physically knock some since into her. but i know better than what im told. i know how sense is gained. and its not through force. not pure sense. not real sense. so im not going to go about it like that. im thinking i need to explore my idea that i need to go about anything really..

i came into this, this taking care of her thing, head first but with reservation as backchat too. because this was "someone else's" child. not mine. and essay of which someone else had already began writing but was to be seen, ultimately, as a work of mine. i see that i feel i will be judged if she comes out a crappy human being unable to support herself. but really, and this is the actuality of it and the mind fuck of it, i feel the judgement coming from me only. not others. i will feel like i couldnt do "it". and i feel like i should be able to.

i wanted to make this blog private and only share it with a few. but blogger does not give the option to make a post private. only an entire blog. so i went back and tried to keep it to the pertinent information instead of engulfed in detail i am not sure adds to support and adjusted where i saw outright rudeness(and there was some) and judgement masking as opinion or expression.

self forgiveness to come on these many points...

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terhas
Posts: 71
Joined: 10 Aug 2011, 09:02

Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... sfscs.html

day 28: helping things to grow - sf/scs
now family members are involved. trying to help with the disrespect and disregard and lack of care and willful irresponsibility that is coming from my sister. and its our family. so we, well i, already know their "go to". whoop ass to get results. yesterday my aunt literally threatened her. if she keeps this up she is going to whoop her ass. on hearing this it pissed me off. for various reasons. one, that it has come to this point. where its basically war now. like, oh u dont want to do what i say? ok, now its war and i will physically use force to get u to bend to my will. two, that my family is actually saying, "well fuck. i have no clue what to do. force her to stay in line." a reminder of the limitation we accept and allow of ourselves currently. and three, and the one that really fucked me up, that she may actually change her ways due to this threat. the thought of that made me sick. and sad. because i know that no ass whooping i ever got made me want to stop doing the thing i got the ass whooping for. never. if i did physically stop doing said thing it was not because i wanted to or because i understood why i shouldnt do said thing. it was because i didnt want my ass whooped. and thats a crap reason for good behavior. and is the behavior really good? or just the illusion of good? force masquerading as learning. physical force is blatant manipulation. not teaching. not guiding. not preparing. its scaring. and war. and thats what we are really. we have made ourselves into a collection of really scared people at war with one another trying to survive a inevitable collectively lost race.

my sister came in at 10pm yesterday with excuses about buses (which is a possibility but not as late as she came in from getting out of school at 3pm.)and i asked her to do simple things around the house while i was at work tonight and she did nothing instead. i honestly just want her to be 18 and out of my house. i want her out of my house now. but shes only 16. i dont know how to handle this. i dont want to have to handle this. i feel like im in an abusive relationship. and this guy is steady treating me like shit but im still sticking around taking care of him and taking it. and thats a crappy way to feel. this is such a weird situation..

this shit is fucking with me. and im letting it.. no, im doing it.
i could not care... and thats just poor little ego talking.

i could be stable.

i am stability.





i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my sister turning out to be a crappy human being unable to support herself in this world.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my sister being a bum in life.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my sister failing out of high school and not being prepared at all for the basics of education and learning.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my sister graduating and not being prepared at all for the basics of education and learning.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad for my sister because she does not have a thirst and drive for discovery and learning like i did at 16.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though i cannot relate to someone my sisters age. because its not the age that makes the relation difficult its the mind.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though its too late for my sister. whatever the fuck that means..because i really dont know. its just a automatic thought that comes up when wallowing in my bruised ego.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost in my ego when i am being disregarded and disrespected by my sister. essentially allowing her disregard and disrespect for and with herself to be made mine. personally for me and my ego,'how dare she to ME', type of stance.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume responsibility for the outcome of my sister when i am not my sister. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think i cant common sensically or practically make her into a decent person via who i am.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that though i am not responsible for the ultimate outcome of my sister i am still responsible as able life to do what i can to do what needs to be done.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be selfish with my ability because of my ideas about my sister deserving or not deserving it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though my sisters inconsiderate behavior is for me. when in actuality this behavior is for herself. her self that is creating itself into who my sister is allowing herself to be.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself within my sisters behavior. in this the ego comes out as a reaction to protect my idea of behaviors from another that i have decided will hurt me.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take her disrespect personally. because in actuality it is only personal if i make it mine. otherwise its hers.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live a year and a half into the future where my mind has created a utopia of my sister being an adult and able to be out of my house for good. a utopia where i am no longer responsible for this life. in this i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to question our world as to why we get to a point where we feel we are not responsible for life any more. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put a cap on responsibility.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself because i have to pay for this childs needs when this child treats me like i dont matter. in this i forgive myself for subconsciously manifesting the acceptance that needs must be deserved or earned. this is my programming. but this is not common sense. she deserves to live a life of dignity as a birth right even if she doesnt appreciate it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell on the fact that ^that doesnt feel good as a program. because my program is hurt. its not getting what it wants. born- earn- die. my program is not being allowed to function in my sisters case.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept war as a means to creation of everything. in this we show our accepted limitation within ourselves. our acceptance of ourselves as slaves to human nature. which is just the first version of ourselves. a possibility we have stuck and solidified ourselves within.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i have to make my sister into something. i have to be stable. stand as a direct principle. in that, i make. nothing else.


i commit myself to stability. to the cultivation of stability as everything must be cultivated.
...thats really the only thing i can honestly commit myself to at the moment.

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terhas
Posts: 71
Joined: 10 Aug 2011, 09:02

Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... floor.html

day 29: our living room floor

i spend a good amount of time outside with my job. specifically the past two months i have been working with a client that keeps me working outside. we get out and talk to people. go to where they are and inform them on what we are doing. and while outside i do a lot of walking around. i get to see many things out there.

some really cool...

some really random...

some beautifully gross...

some things with messages...

peace is remembering we are 1! (...it says 'peace is rembering we are #1!' but what needs correcting we shall correct :)

some prime for fun...

but when i look all the way down, past the cool and random and fun and beautifully gross things, to our visual bottom line what is noticed is always the same. and thats the amount of trash on the ground. our ground.

consider that every home is like one room in the house that is the one world we live in..
that would make the ground outside these rooms(houses) our collective living room floor in the house that is this one world we live in..

i visit a lot of areas doing this outside gig. and in every area the litter situation is continuously out of control. because i do a lot of walking i see a lot of cars driving by. i have seen cars go by and throw a fast food bag of trash out of the window or other random items. like the window is some sort of portal to a trash can.

most of the trash seen is empty alcohol and liquor bottles and cans. but that is equally matched by food cartons, wrappers, condoms, clothes and cigarette butts. i use to be a cigarette smoker for 9 years. for some reason most dont see cigarette butts as litter. i never considered the impact of 9 years worth of non degradable waste on our collective living room floor in the house that is the one world we live in.

"Most cigarette filters are made from cellulose acetate. Cigarette filters contain twelve thousand plastic-based fibers, and just like other forms of plastic, 'they do not biodegrade' The leftover filter is the most common form of litter; International Coastal Cleanup volunteers collect an estimated 53 million cigarette butts each year" --http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cigarette_filter

the display of our consideration, or lack there of, within our improper disposal of trash really reveals many things about ourselves. if we are willing to self honestly have a look. it shows our lack of physical care and respect for our surroundings and the support it gives us..it shows how we separate ourselves from ourselves though all selves are Here together equally. and the 'just focus on urself character' 'ur what matters to u character' is fed and manifested.. it shows how we handle issues we arent sure how to handle. and that is to get complacent and chalk it off as "just a part of life".. it reveals how we displace responsibility and accountability for the whole of our home that is this one world we live in.

and some parts of our collective living room floor in the house that is the one world we live in are clean and well taken care of. consider the practicality of that.. having a dirty house but only taking the time or making a way to clean a corner of it. and only because its the corner of the house that u spend the most time in. the corner that u really feel connected to in the house. then to consider that in the house there are many windows, floors, fixtures, electric systems. all these things, together, assist and support the running of the house as a whole. all connected, in some way, to the house. consider the practicality of having all broken windows, floors, fixtures and electric systems in the house but only repairing one window. all corners of the one house will be affected by the half-assed fix. this is our issue with change here. we are a house divided. we are so separated from ourselves within our house that is the one world we live in that we cannot fix our home because we are only focused on making our room the most fun it could be.. all the while ourselves and our roommates arent paying attention to the mess that has become our home as a whole.

we are one body of physical beings here. together. on this one rock. one and equally breathing and living here. this is not reflected in our behavior as beings here. when i really began to consider the point of our connectivity here and how far and deep that shit actually goes that was enough to allow me to really see what i was doing when i decided to litter and contribute to a growing problem instead of being a growing solution. now i dont litter. ever. it does not make sense, in all actuality. it makes the opposite of sense. and if i see someone litter i usually talk to them about our living room floor.

i see so much litter and waste in my profession..

self forgiveness and self corrective statements to come on this point. its one im continuously faced with that i allow to get to me.

User avatar
terhas
Posts: 71
Joined: 10 Aug 2011, 09:02

Re: a tree's journey to life

Post by terhas »

http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... sfscs.html

day 30: our living room floor - sf/scs

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create tension within me when i consider the needless state of the ground outside.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see each one of us here in this house that is the one world we live in as a contributor in its state in totality.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into a self dug pit of sadness over the state of the ground outside. in this i miss the opportunity to walk the realization of our responsibility within the point of litter.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to address my dismissal of stability in favor of a accepted and allowed reaction as sadness.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish my responsibility for the state of the ground outside because i do not litter. to know is not enough. and really, to do is not enough either. we must be willing to equally walk our talk and talk our walk. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not speak to others about litter because i do not see it as "my place" in this place that is this house in this one world we live in.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my idea of ownership vs public property.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my idea of property.

i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to consider the effect my litter has on other people.

i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to consider the effect my litter has on the animals in this world.

i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to consider the effect my littering actually has on myself.

i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to consider exactly why trash exist or how it is supposedly disposed of. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is not my place to ask such questions and that it is someone elses responsibility.

i forgive myself for never accepting and allowing myself to consider that i am some one else.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and experience discomfort within myself when presented with the practicality of a situation in which i have perpetuating abuse.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the totality of the earth that assist in the breath i breathe when i litter.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become complacent within the idea of our current disposal of trash. within

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the problem that is litter begins and ends, as any problem, with me. how i experience myself within basically seeing a portion of myself/ourselves, is initiated by me. i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move as stability within a shameless sense of self discovery.



i commit myself to slowing down my participation. to breathe and see exactly what it is i participate in with my actions.

i commit myself to appreciate the world around me. not only the people that i share this house with but the house, the floors, the foundation and the ground around.

i commit myself to be the change.

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