larry's 7 year journey to life

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larrymanuela
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larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 23 Sep 2012, 01:43

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012 ... of-67.html






Saturday, 22 September 2012
Day 129, Working up To The Age Of 67.
I was asked today at work by my supervisor to be careful with my back, because i lifted a heavy box up, and he said: '' remember you have to work till you are 67.''







The thing about this and that i did not go deep into it was, that it is because i know within myself that this current system is not going to be here by the time i am 67. For one, i will be one of those whom will make sure this absurd/abusive stupidity ENDS, wherein we work for not to support LIFE, but to owe someone or a minority group of people whom belief they deserve to be more and have more then all the rest, and make the rest PAY for what they have stolen/pillaged and declared as theirs, therefore i and the rest now works for them in order for us to keep ourselves and our families alive in this world system, that in reality don't care about LIFE at all.

So i have no problems with WORK itself, and when i say work here i mean work that really for real support all LIFE equally. With this every being working together to bring about a world that is always in all ways BEST for all living beings. So we can explore/expand ourselves and the earth and it's inhabitants and for real be free. At the moment we ONLY work to survive in the system that dictates to us that if we don't participate in the DEBT of the system we won't be accepted in the system and will be seen as outcasts and trouble makers, and also be punished for not wanting to participate in the system of DEBT in many different ways, through the laws/rules/regulations within the system that protect the thieves that are ahead of this stupid abusive game of a system.

Here in this country some people say: '' ik leef niet om te werken, ik werk om te leven.'' meaning: '' i don't live to work, i work to live''

They say this because they mean that their work is only for their survival as what they belief, and work is not life, but the reality is that the whole saying is a catch 22, the snake eating it's own tale. Because within the system no matter how you play with the words, YOU are working in order to keep yourself alive in the system, because everything that is used and is needed for survival of the body costs money and the only way to get money is through work. Food/clothing/housing/sanitation/transportation/education---------------all of this is only available to you if you have money.


Yes of course you can go out somewhere and live in the bushes and plant your own food and built your own home with wood, but than you will be just an outcast and someone whom is an self-interest prick. And even within this, as all the lands are being taken by the super rich, you will probably not even get a bush to go amd live in, because it will be a property of some sick ego maniac as a rich man. Because you will rather try and save your own ass and let everyone that are in the system to continue being abused and lied to, and murdered/killed. And by getting or moving into the bushes will not change the world system to be/become a system that will be BEST for all LIFE. It is the same as an example as when someone gets laid off of their job, the job continues, only they were removed and their removal won't stop the job to not exist anymore,and the rest of the people will continue working there when they are gone. And that on itself( moving into the bushes) would not be living either, because than all of the rest of your life will be you surviving in the bushes. hunting, looking for food. And that will be about it. When one have a look at bush people or people whom live in very rural and remote areas, one will notice that all their lives is about, is looking for food everyday and then having some ritual they do at night before going to sleep, but the only thing they do is just trying to stay alive, they don't move out of this circle.


We already have all the things we need to distribute all that we all need to live a dignified LIFE on this planet, it is only in the HOW we are distributing it, that there is a problem. Because all that the earth is giving for free to support all life on it, is not being distributed equally as a support as the earth itself is doing. Some have robbed the earth and people and declare themselves as OWNERS of what is freely given to ALL by the earth and make everyone now PAY them in order to get it. And this abusive bullshit is what will be STOPPED. No-one will own any fucking thing that is a support and detrimental for LIFE of ALL the inhabitants on this earth..!!


I am sick and tired of this bullshit, people talking about their jobs as if it is a great thing and as if even when they don't like it, accept it and say: '' yeah, but there is nothing we can do about it,'' which is totally NOT TRUE.!!








No more of this abusive bullshit will be accepted to ever exist on this planet again. I for sure have had enough of my own bullshit and the rest of the population's bullshit, running around like little fear mongers, hiding behind fear in order to not take one's self-responsibility for BEING HERE..!!


I can tell you, that it is already DONE..!! There is more going on that you don't know of, and even if i would tell you, you won't belief me anyways right now. I and the rest of the peoples whom have realized themselves and are busy deconstructing ourselves to transform ourselves to be/become the BEST human we can ever be that always does what is BEST for all LIFE in all ways, and we will not STOP until ALL are FREE, only then freedom is REAL. And this is my purpose for being here on this planet.

Self-forgiveness:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself as in being tired of people not getting this whole world system they are participating in, and accept and even defend it as if it cares for their lives.

I commit myself to STOP myself in moments and circumstances where i see myself going into or about to go into feeling tired of people NOT getting how the system they're supporting everyday really works.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exists when i am here that dictates to me and everyone else how long they have to be wage-slaves and force everyone tacitly to accept/allow this wage-slavery.

I commit myself to show in my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that we are just wage-slaves in a broken system of abuse that doesn't care at all for LIFE, only in consuming LIFE to turn it into money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exist where such things as supervisors can exist within it, that are the ones whom are looking for ways to make the wage-slaves just like themselves to work harder for the system and the ones on top of the system, hiding behind the justification that they to need to eat, that they can't do anything about it, and that if they don't do it someone else is going to do it anyways. Within this i realize that people are afraid to come together and stand together and make the change, and this is because they don't trust themselves let alone trusting someone else they don't even know, so they will rather continue with the abuse that is trickling down from above as the ones making the decisions to put more pressure on the ones that are actually doing the real part of the work, the practical part, so they can get more of the gain of the part that is illusion, which is the profit as money.

I commit myself to show all people whom are ready to hear that the positions they have in their jobs is nothing but a position that can be used to make the system as it is continue existing as it is, where some are seen as be having more value then another and deserve to have a better life then another and get to be rewarded with more because of the positions that are being seen as having more value within/to the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let work exist in the form as it exists now, as a form/structure/system to enslave people rather to be used to explore and expand our experience on this earth as in the BEST possible way for all Living things.

I commit myself to show that work in it's current form is just slavery. it is not practical actions to produce a life worth living that is BEST for all living things.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exist that dictates to me and everyone and everything else if they are going to eat or not eat, if they are going to have a roof over their heads or not, if they are going to be able to cloth themselves or not, if they are going to be educated or not, if they are going to be able to transport themselves to some other place or not, if they are going to be cured if they get sick or not, if they are going to have enough to drink or not.

I commit myself to show that the system as it exist currently is nothing but a system that sucks on LIFE and not in anyways whatsoever honor LIFE at all, all that the earth produces freely for all life on it to be given freely so all life is as the BEST possible supported is being taken and transformed into money and money is being used as if it itself is LIFE and is the real resource, so money now is the false resource, a belief system created by humans to be put in place for the few humans to have their lives being lived as best as possible for them alone.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system of money exist that only support the self-interest of humans and even within this NOT all humans either,but only few of the humans.

I commit myself to show that those whom have made the laws/rules/regulations within the system to glorify self-interest above all else, did this deliberately in order for them to get the upper hand and so the others won't notice.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exists where the minority rules and make decisions for the majority through laws/rules/regulations that will benefit only the minority and make sure the majority is enslaved though/by these very laws/rules/regulations that seemingly no-one dares to change or better yet throw away for they serve only self-interest.

I commit myself to show that laws/rules/regulations of men are all but a limited version of opinions of men itself that has not taken into consideration ALL LIFE on earth, only for the lives of few humans as are being called: '' the upper elite.''

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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larrymanuela
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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 07 Oct 2012, 14:12

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012 ... false.html#





Sunday, 7 October 2012

Day 139, How Can I Be False...??


In a group-chat today i realize what miss Sunette answered me when i asked her that i see falseness in people at work, thus that they are being false and she said, it is because i am seeing what is yet to be dealt within myself that is being shown through another as myself outside myself.
So here i am going to look at this one point.
Let me write down what the word ''false'' means to me in relation to this particular point which is about the communication with other humans, without the definition as it exists in a dictionary.



To me this word means; ' that i or someone else is not being the whom they really are, as they are lets say, when they are all alone '
Now lets have look at what the dictionary says about this word.
false:
 [fawls] Show IPA adjective, fals·er, fals·est, adverb

adjective
1.
not true or correct; erroneous: a false statement.
2.
uttering or declaring what is untrue: a false witness.
3.
not faithful or loyal; treacherous: a false friend.
4.
tending to deceive or mislead; deceptive: a false impression.
5.
not genuine; counterfeit.
6.
based on mistaken, erroneous, or inconsistent impressions, ideas, or facts: false pride.
7.
used as a substitute or supplement, especially temporarily: false supports for a bridge.
8.
Biology . having a superficial resemblance to something that properly bears the name: the false acacia.
9.
not properly, accurately, or honestly made, done, or adjusted: a false balance.
10.
inaccurate in pitch, as a musical note.
adverb
11.
dishonestly; faithlessly; treacherously: Did he speak false against me?
Idiom
12.
play someone false, to betray someone; be treacherous or faithless.

Origin:
before 1000; Middle English, Old English fals < Latin falsus feigned, false, orig. past participle of fallere to deceive; reinforced by or reborrowed from Anglo-French, Old French fals, feminine false < Latin

Related forms
false·ly, adverb
false·ness, noun
half-false, adjective
qua·si-false, adjective
qua·si-false·ly, adverb

Synonyms
1. mistaken, incorrect, wrong, untrue. 2. untruthful, lying, mendacious. 3. insincere, hypocritical, disingenuous, disloyal, unfaithful, inconstant, perfidious, traitorous. 4. misleading, fallacious. 5. artificial, spurious, bogus, forged. False, sham, counterfeit agree in referring to something that is not genuine. False is used mainly of imitations of concrete objects; it sometimes implies an intent to deceive: false teeth; false hair. Sham is rarely used of concrete objects and usually has the suggestion of intent to deceive: sham title; sham tears. Counterfeit always has the implication of cheating; it is used particularly of spurious imitation of coins, paper money, etc.
So the question to myself is how it is that i am FALSE...??
Let me look at myself and don't take myself as personality personal as this is what i have to do to become the real me, that which have to be deleted in order for LIFE to emerge HERE in the physical as this human physical body that i as of right now not yet is as IT one and equal HERE.

Well i am false when i am seeing falseness in others, because if it was not in me i would not be able to see it in others, and second of all it is just a judgement because in the moment i am lost thinking in my mind that they are false i did not have any conversation with them to know for real if what i am accusing them of in my mind is real or not. Thirdly, and even when i would ask, i should ask not with an expectation to find out if i am right or not, but pure to get to know the person in fact and in this way get to know what he/she will say and if i react, i work on these reactions.

So i have to take my self-responsibility for what i accept and allow to occur/happen in me as thoughts/feelings/emotions/internal conversations/back-chats/judgements/reactions/imaginations.

Points to work with:

* laughing when in reality i don't want to laugh.

* being nice to others, when in reality i just want to be here.

* not liking people in higher positions.

* don't like being bossed around.

* inferiority complex because i cannot say and do what i would like to say and do.

* superiority complex, because i know this system is not working, so i feel as if i am superior to those whom don't know this, or don't care at all to even know, let alone to want to do something about it.

=====================







Self-realizations concerning each point:

1) I realize that sometimes i laugh with people just because of politeness so they won't feel bad about themselves, if i stay serious and don't say anything or don't have any reaction at all that will make them feel as if i don't give a damn about what they just shared with me.

2) I realize that i am always or most of the times trying to be nice to others in order for me to prevent all kinds of conflict either for myself or conflict that can arise for others when they are in a conflict situation of not agreeing with each other, and are lashing out at each other wanting to be right.

3) I realize that i don't like people whom are in higher positions in this system, because i judge them being mean people, doing whatever it is necessary to make sure the company survive, even when it means that they have to make you work harder and perform more tasks on your own, and they are also in a position where they decide if you can stay or go,having absolute power over your life, which is something i don't like at all within this system of abuse.

4) I realize that i don't like people bossing me around, because it always seem to interfere with my own ability to do a task as i would feel it works better for me, i don't like to be forced to do it another way that clearly is not working for me.

5) I realize that i have an inferiority complex involving surviving in the system due to me just being a wage-slave and because of this unable to say anything about it, because i know i will be punished within the system as it exist right now, if i were to dare open my mouth about things and tasks that are NOT what is BEST for all workers involved.

6) I realize i have a superiority complex, due to the fact that i am aware that the system is going down little by little and that it will get worst, when for everybody else they are living in a belief that it will get better again as it always does and did in the past, and things will just go back to how they were before the crisis started.

=======================



Thoughts related to these points:

1) I see a image/picture in my mind of a woman crying because she felt i did not understood her correctly and i did not give her attention to her deepest pains.

2) I see myself getting into fights, physically or argumentative, so i lay low.

3) I have an image/picture of a man well suit up sitting behind a desk and ordering people around and being very abusive towards people.

4) I see myself not getting the specific task done and sweat running down from my forehead, because i am trying to do it how someone else want, when i know it doesn't work for me, i can't get it done in his/her way.

5) I see myself with the head down, and my mouth shut, but my eyes full of tears and anger.

6) I see myself laughing in myself at others when they are saying: '' i know the system is going to get back how it ones was.''

==================




Emotions related to these points:

1) sadness and sorry for others.

2) fear.

3) uncomfortableness/uneasiness and frustration.

4) anger, frustration.

5) fear mixed with anger and frustration.

6) impatient with people.


======================




Memories related to the specific points:

1) I remember talking to someone in the past and not showing any reaction in my face or nothing, and this person became angry, because from her understanding and point of view i was not paying attention to what she was saying, when in reality i was, and she did not gave me the moment to proof to her either that i was paying attention to what she was saying, because i knew exactly what she was saying.

2) I remember having problems in the past especially when i was more like in the early 10 to 12 years old that if i was just quiet other guys will pick on me, even though they will soon find out that they messed with the wrong one, but either way i didn't like it, because within me i don't like trouble at all or arguments, so i changed my behavior and start acting nice ever since all the time to avoid getting into conflict/friction and arguments with people whom i know are trouble makers, because i found out it is more widely accepted then just being quiet and observing everything. The point that helped me a lot was, that i was a very physical young man, there is almost not one physical sport that i will not get it immediately and be good at it, and thus this made those whom are picking on people, being bullies not messing with me, because they could see i could be good with a lot of physical stuff, so i must be good at physical fights to, which was also true. I had the ability to see someones weakness when i see them play whatever, i can see immediately if they can turn for example on the right faster or slower, and if they can move fast or not, and when they are moving or doing something if they are in good balance, and much more by just observing them doing whatever physical sport and this i used it when we are in competition in my advantage to outrun or get the upper hand.

3) I remember that i always had problems so to speak with people in higher positions, because i have experienced them always wanting to put more pressure on me, especially when they can see i am doing the work faster then others, then they are going to push more, take advantage of me, to suit their position. So i have experienced most people in higher positions to be abusive towards myself and others so that is why i judge all of them being abusive.

4) I remember people in higher position coming and boss me around telling me that the way i am doing it is not good i must do it another way according to them or how it might work for them, but when i try it for myself the way they want it, i can feel the physically it doesn't work for me like that. Let me give an example. I used to play baseball when i was little, not in teams just for fun, i went to play in a team ones but i didn't like the game, because to me there is not much movement in the game, you have to wait your turn to move, so i don't like that. Anyway i hold the bat with my with my left hand grip where i should hold it with my right hand grip, because i am right handed, this is what they teach you, but it doesn't work for me, for me it feels like i am forcing my right shoulder to push, but when i put my left hand grip i can pull on the bat so to speak better and my right hand it helping with the swing, and that goes naturally. But they will insist me doing that the way it should because i can break my arm like that they say. Well i never broke my arm and i even hit better and more home runs/hits then the ones holding it as it should.

5) I remember working for an agency and what i was saying about my work and work of everybody was not getting through, because i saw that on my salary slip that there was something that wasn't making sense, and when i asked about it, and even showed them that they are playing with the hours and the percentages mathematically, they even became angry and told me, that is not the way it works, and other people get the same hours and with the same amount paid per hour more money then others and sometimes less money then other working exactly the same amount of hours, and that couldn't be possible. I even went to an agency that they have in this country where they come up for workers, but with no avail. On that day i saw that laws/rules/regulations mean nothing when the ones that are suppose to apply them don't apply them at all, because of political bribery.

6) Memory of me feeling sad and also having mixed feelings of anger/frustration and self-importance in me, because of me knowing that the system will continue crumbling down little by little till all is suffering all over the place, and just because it is not happening in one event, people are having believes of hope that it will get ''normal'' again as the way it was, without realizing/seeing/understanding that we are consuming much more rapidly the resources that are irreplaceable in a short period of time, so this depression is NOT like the great depression of the 1930's. We have poisoned the air and water and soil in ways that we must STOP now, that is how serious it is, to turn everything that is real and detrimental for all LIFE on earth in more and more money that is NOT real, just a belief system. We are really fucked..!!!

===========================



Back-chats related to the points:

1) ooh, let me smile and have a laugh so they think/belief i am being polite and hearing them.

2) i am going to be nice to all of them here so they can learn that making problems is not the way to go.

3) the fucker is going to make me do more physical hard work now for sure, damn you see, i knew it..!!

4) i don't think what he is showing me here that i can do it like that, because i am not left handed.

5) fuck it, i am going to let this one pass me by for now, but i will return one day to STOP this bullshit of abuse.

6) o.k. you belief in this stupid system that it is even working and that it is going to get better..?? Well wait and see, because that is all you are already doing anyways waiting to see what will happen, and when it will happen you will just wish you would have done something.



o.k. peoples i will work on the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements tomorrow.


Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: DESTENI

Have a look at our solution to ALL the problems in this world in the form of: EQUALMONEY

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larrymanuela
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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 27 Dec 2012, 04:26

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012 ... soner.html






Wednesday, 26 December 2012


Day, 189 My Life As A Prisoner.


Now, i am going to write about something that a few people knew about me, that i did in the past, but i still have some points in regards to this that i need to delete within myself, so here it goes.

There was a time in my life that i was a drug-dealer/smuggler, not a big time drug-dealer/smuggler, just a small one in this world of ''crimes.'' I put crimes in quotes because when i was in it, i didn't feel like i was doing any crime, i was just surviving and making the money,to the things that normally i will not be able to do if i would just work.







I had a few friends that i met here in this country during my study years. There was a moment in my life, when i stopped studying deliberately, i was still needed to pay my study debts, and due to my debts i started to walk with these friends. These friends were already in this stuff when i met them, but little by little when i was looking at the whole thing, i started realizing that maybe i should try it to. I had a job and everything, but the money was not enough for my lifestyle at the time and also with debts, so i decided to join the group in doing this whole thing.

The thing about our group is that we were not street dealers, we just went and took the stuff and bring it here and deliver it and get our money and that is about it.

So it all started as a way to pay my debts more easily and also to have some extra money to have some fun. So and when i say fun, i am talking about going out every weekend, eating delicious food out all the time,and lots of sex of course in many ways, either paying the prostitutes or getting the woman that are going to disco's just to get man that have money so they can have their funs.

The way we were doing it was in different forms, but we took the ''safe'' one, the one that being captured at the time was a little bit difficult. We were taking it in our bodies by swallowing them into our stomach and from there they move into our intestines. And we were drinking special pills so we don't need to go to the toilet, so we can hold it all inside of us till we reach our destination and we get to pooping it out so to speak, then we use special drinks and pills that are against constipation and we eat heavy food so we can push it all down and eventually out.

Now people who don't know about this think/belief that these big pills of 5 - 10 grams are going to all be in your stomach, but they don't stay in your stomach they stay in your intestines. There were people whom died from these things when these pills broke in their bodies. By the way, this is the reason the police found out that people were doing these kind of things, drug smuggling.

So i start doing this in the year 1999 up to the year 2003. In these 4 years i have seen and have met people and get to know people on another level so to speak. I have seen and met people that really don't give a red ass about ending the lives of others for their survival, and people whom were poor and were doing this stuff because that is the only way they could come to an amount of money where they could take care of their families comfortably.

So i did a lot of partying and have had lots of money in my pocket doing this bullshit, and i felt like i was free to do anything.
Now when i was swallowing this thing, it was a point of no return, because when they are in, they are in, and the possibility still exists that they can break in your stomach or in your intestines. ooh yes, before i continue let me give the reason that those whom died, the stuff broke in their bodies and they died, it was because they wanted to save more money for themselves and did not want to pay the ones that were making these pills as what they do as their jobs. So they will make these pills themselves and make them not good or forget some wrappings and eventually the thing will break in their bodies. And the other reason they were dying is also that some guys were using these people as decoys, so when they get sick and everyone will pay attention to them getting sick and die, the ones with more stuff will walk by. This didn't happen that much, but it did.







Let me put here the dangers in doing this:

** one can get caught and go to jail.

** one can die if the stuff break in ones body.

** one can die by being used by those whom have other plans.

** one can die by other people knowing about what you are doing and literally kidnap you and get the shit out of you by cutting you open and leave you there to die.

** one can die after one have arrived at the destination, being hit as they call it.


** one can be killed and be robbed when one have received ones money.

** one can be robbed/being hit just because one is part of this world.









The kidnappings started when there were too much of the stuff(cocaine) on the streets and also when the police started to capture many of these individuals, so they started to target the others that they knew were in the game to. All this thing that people hear about, it is a world of secrets is not really true, it looks like that to the ones that are not IN it, but if one is in it, everyone or most people in the game knows it, because you have got to get the shit somewhere and where you get the shit others are getting it to and you get to see each other, and besides that you get to recognize these people their styles of dressing and everything even when they may not look like what they show you in movies...lol We looked like normal individuals, some do look like the ones you see in movies, but most of them don't.






So i lied to all of my family and some other friends i had that were not in the game of course and from that side, no-one knew what i was doing. I started by doing it in combination with work, but then i even stopped working and did that alone. Now there is a reason i decided that i didn't want to become a big dealer, because i saw the kind of life my friends that were big dealers had and i didn't want that kind of dangerous life, constantly watching your back and constantly having to drive far whenever they need some stuff or want to make some deals. So i decided i didn't want that kind of life, so i stayed with just the swallowing and didn't put my money together to start getting people to go for me instead of myself doing it for myself or others.


Now i move to the END of my career as a drug smuggler, so when the point came that my friends asked me why it is i didn't want to join them into starting on my own and stuff like that, and i tought about it and decided to do this last one smuggling for them and then from the money i will get i will then start on my own. We were even going to a clairvoyance person to see if we will be getting home o.k......loll
That day, when i got caught, i had this feeling within me that something was just not right, it didn't feel right, and this time was the first time i was going to take more then 1 Kg. with me, i was carrying 4 Kg. with me in my baggage, in the bottom of it, all fixed up. I passed the first stage, which was to leave the country where i was smuggling the stuff from into this country. When i got here, they pass my baggage into the scanner they had, and the moment the young officer saw something, but he didn't know for sure what it was, he called an older officer with more experience and he said: '' yes that is it, we got this one..!! '' These words were the words i will never forget, because i knew in that moment it was done, my time to go to jail have arrived. Now me being me, didn't go into fear and stuff like that, i took it very tranquil, i was always perpared for these things within myself, because i know they can happen, so immediately let it go. There were other guys they got on that day to, and when they were transporting us to take us to another allocation in order to hear our stories, they put all the other guys in arm cuffs, but they didn't do this to me. And when we were standing there and the other guys looked at me and they asked why are you not in cuffs, and i just looked at them with a very straight face, because i am not like you guys making a lot of comotion and all the bullshit when there is no way out anyways. They only put me in cuffs when i got into the car, because they told me it is their procedure, i just said o.k.

So when i got to the other allocation i told them my story and then they put me into a small jail and there i was looking at the ceiling and thinking to myself: '' this is it, now i am going to see what it means to be in jail.''

I saw guys fighting for many reasons there when we were having our breaks, they faught for things like, revenge in some form or another, or they faught for no reason just because they didn't like each other, or because of wanting to bully each other. Now here is the funny thing, that throughout my whole dealing career and having to deal with lots of REALLY crazy people, i mean really dangerous people, somehow they all respected me in a way, i never got this, i wanted to ask them, but i never got it. No matter how dangerous the people were with me they felt like they could talk to me, and maybe it is because of my knowledge of things in this world, because even at that time i was already busy with for example the book of the course in miracles and stuff like that....but were doing ''bad'' things on the side.....lolll Now understand i am a quiet guy, and quiet guys like me, in jail they will fuck with you, but with me they didn't. There were also many other reasons, i also was the one that they came to when they needed to understand their justice papers,because many of them did not understand those big words they use in Dutch and also there were others whom were from other countries, and due to me speaking and reading and writing 4 languages it came in handy in jail. So actually my time in jail was even fun, i got to study these people.

Then they transfer me to another allocation from the first one, and in this second one i stayed longer, in the first one it was just for the transition period of mostly 1 month and then one moves to another allocation that depends then where your final destination will be, to sit your whole sentence. I saw in this second allocation that people when they got into jail Cigarettes become like a life saver thing...lol people were fighting enjuring each other for these things, can one imagine that..?? lolll

My friends were making sure that i had money in jail to, so i had money for canteen. So this became another point that put me in the spot in jail. Because most of the others were receiving no support of their so-called friends from the outiside. Within my cell, two people could stay in it,and i got to share it with a guy that was a killer and belongs to gangs outside. Anyway, this guy had a passion for cooking, and i had all the cooking stuff, so we were baking cakes and much more stuff, and sharing it with others, people were coming to me to borrow cigarettes and also some food they don't get and we just exchange foods. So because of this, i was also safe from troubles because i was the guy they can get stuff they cannot afford themselves. All these things i saw as how easy it is to control people when they are in a situation they can't do anything about it.

They gave me in total 1 and half year of which i sat only 8 month and got out due to ''good behaviour.'' I was lucky that they gave only that much, because i should have got more then that for the amount of drugs i had on me, but because it was my first time and also because of conduct and my story i got only that much.

After three months they transfer me to my final destination where i will sit the rest of my sentence.

The transfer me to another kind of jail that they call: '' half open camp'' This is because you can go out when you are in this jail and visit your family in the weekends and MUST be back on Mondays, and also one can choose to work outside, but of course below minimum wage, just because one is being considered a criminal. They make a lot of money with ''criminals'' doing this in these kinds of jails, and hide it under the banner of ''teaching them some skills'' or '' a way to punish them, so they will learn from their mistakes.'' Here is where they were mixing all kinds of criminals together from killers, to rapers, to child molesters, to drug dealers, to con artists, and tax -evaders....etc etc....So here one got to see how people came in and started to tell others immediately when they are in, what they did outside, thus the reason they were in jail, trying to make others fear them. And after a few weeks they will hear other stories from other inmates whom did really much worse fucked up stuff outside, and they immediately change and become calm, because in that moment they will know that there are people in there, that are much more crazy then they belief themeselves to be. Here to, everything was the same, i was treated with respect for the same reasons as in the other allocation before and one other point to, because of cooking again, the cooking food together and having the grocery to do all this.

After 7 and a half month they put me into a project to go outside and do some courses to get a job outside. They were like trying to help those they saw were ''changed'' for them to start again. So when i got into this project i moved fast in it and i got my own job without their help and that was the moment they let me go.



The next blog i will be doing self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements regarding all this.....



Thanks.


Larry Manuela





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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 13 Feb 2013, 21:49

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... ng-to.html




Monday, 11 February 2013
Day 207, Feeling Sorry and Desiring To Help.
In my life i have always been in situations with people but mostly with women, where they come to me with their pains/their emotional turmoils, and that when they do that there is this great desire in me to help them in whatever way i can. This went as far as having sex with them even, as a way to be intimately understandable in a way, as if with sex i could take away their pain. Thus within this i was using sex and my own body as a way to give comfort to others, in this case woman of course.

Because to me sex was in the past the only way i was really comfortable being me.

So i did not see/realize/understand that i was in fact manipulating my own body to give in, into supporting emotions either from myself or others as myself.








Problem:

* using sex as a means to sort emotions out.
* being attracted sexually to woman with emotional turmoil
* desiring to help women with emotional turmoil
* feeling sorry as my own trigger-point to get into the supporting of them emotionally.



Solutions


I'll do self-forgiveness on these points to disect what is within me as these emotions and feelings to come to a point of understanding me and thus understanding others and as to STOP myself in helping others based on emotions.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself a pattern that will playout in the real physical world as me having always to meet with women whom are emotionally hurted at their very peak in their lives.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate more deeply within myself as to why it was i was always attracted to woman that are emotionally hurt.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find attraction in women that are expressing themselves emotionally hurt, and saw it as vulnerable and weak, but yet very attractive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even see this so-called weakeness as being emotional about anything in the women whom i was attracted to as a strong point and not a weakness and due to this found myself extremely magnetised to them and very attractive and very sexy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find attraction in weakness and vulnerability without ever even remotely try and find out why it is i was being attracted to them in this way.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be extremely magnetised to women whom are emotionally in a turmoil.

I realize that what i was finding attractive within the women is what i did not give to myself, as me being emotional and open about my emotions as they are, and thus find myself looking for it in them instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that there is nothing outside of me that i cannot give to myself, and within this i reacted within the reverse of all this, making sure that i am attracted to that which i do not see myself capable of expressing freely as myself, even though emotions are not the way to go, as i know now. Thus within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware that what i was looking for and finding attractive and sexy in women as them being emotional is exactly what i did NOT give to myself in order to come to an realization/understanding that if that is a way to live or not to live as an expression of life as the human physical form, the real being of/from earth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have desires for being with or encounter women whom are emotionally in turmoil in order for me to feed off of them to energize myself making me a complete vampire in a sense as i walked the world searching for women in emotional pain unconsciously to make mine for awhile or for as long as it takes in order to get my fix.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use sex in order for me to give to them a bate as to make them feel as if i really cared about them and was there for them, as i was really very intimate when having sex with them, but this intimacy was only for purposes of getting them all eased up and sometimes crying because of the tremendous rush of emotions and feelings mixed together that will come out of them during sex with them, and as this, will make me like a parasite attached to them, sucking on these energies in order for me to fulfill my desires of wanting to experience myself as emotionally expressive as they are, which i was not, through them.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that i was in fact manipulating them and sabotaging myself and also at the same time manipulating myself in order to get energized emotionally, even if it will mean in a short period of time as in having sex with them as they will melt away in the ''good feelings'' and forget for awhile that they were emotional awhile ago, or when they cry it all out, because now there is someone engaging in sharing themselves completely in their pain.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use a simple emotion as ''feeling sorry'' for the women, as in order to approach them as IF i am equal in standing in their emotions, when i reality i was not, i was just using this as a way to put myself in a mood to be much effective in manipulation in order to get them as far as openly having sex with me, that will be perceived almost as a way to support them and being a hero in sense.



Will continue this tomorrow...............................




Thanks.




Larry Manuela




Join us at: www.desteni.org



Have a look at THE solution to ALL the problems we are causing in this world in the form of: www.equalmoney.org






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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 13 Feb 2013, 21:50

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... help.html#



Wednesday, 13 February 2013
Day 208, Feeling Sorry and Desiring Help. Part 2
I am continuing with where i left of yesterday, which was the following:


This is the last sentence from yesterday of, blog Day 207








I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use a simple emotion as ''feeling sorry'' for the women, as in order to approach them as IF i am equal in standing in their emotions, when in reality i was not, i was just using this as a way to put myself in a mood to be much effective in manipulation in order to get them as far as openly having sex with me, that will be perceived almost as a way to support them and being a hero in sense.



So now i am continuing with the solutions where i left of:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not consider at all that which is BEST for all life ever in all that i was doing in my so-called; 'persuit of helping woman in turmoil,' because this very point was a point of self-interest, that may appear benevolence to a woman.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use that which is seen as bad/negative/wrong, that i see in a woman to be a point of attraction to me, without ever seeing/realizing/understanding that all this when it comes to my own point of self-interest relies on both of the polarities, the opposites to come out victorious as personality within me.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to engage fully in or at all in investigating all that i was doing in the past in order to fulfill my own desires,existing of strange preferences that i have no clue whatsoever as to how i created them to be part of me in the first place.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to relate sexiness with that which is termed and seen as sadness or emotional in a woman.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to integrate and imprint the emotions i saw in woman as part of me in order for me to use that as trigger-points within me to get myself energized as in making myself belief that i am being a carring person, someone with compassion, when meanwhile all of it was all about getting my fix, my own energetic fix.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect emotional turmoil in women to attraction, purely for the sake of getting myself my energetically fixed, without seeing/realizing/understand that in order for me to get my energy fixes i am transforming that which is of substance as my body into energy, and thus little by little harming myself and in so doing also harming others as myself as i am supporting the same process that they too are engaging themselves in as being emotional.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see woman being emotional and in tears as a very great opportunity to engage in trying to make her feel good about herself which will result in what will be good for me, by trying to manipulate her through positive remarks and positive suggestions as a support that will lead to me winning the woman over, as to suit my own self-interest and desire to feel within me/to energize myself.



=============================================





Now i am moving to the REWARD part, which will be the commitments to life, where i have the power within me to change myself in my participation in life, practically/factually. Thus the reward is, now that i have seen what i have done/have identified through self-forgiveness how i was living, i can direct me to NOT make the same mistakes in the future, and thus be a living example for myself and others as myself.


Reward:


I commit myself to make sure that everytime i am about to go into or i am into feeling sorry for a woman and see myself desiring to help her, to immediately STOP, take a very deep breath, bring myself back HERE and make sure i stay within/as my breath and do not loose myself within my mind.



I commit myself to also assist and support all woman whom are in turmoil in their lives in the best possible way i can without having to feel sorry for them, and if this urge arises within me, i am immediately just STOP myself within that moment and breathe till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the energy as the mind, so i can make clear common sense decision as how to assist and support them in the BEST possible way.


I commit myself to watch very carefully my own emotions and feelings for traces of deception and deceit and manipulation so i don't create consequential outflows of harm done not only to myself but also to others as myself, and if they are present to immediately STOP within the moment and just take many deep breaths as possible till i am clear and stable within myself so that i can act in the BEST interest of LIFE.


I commit myself to make sure to remove all possible weaknesses that may obstruct myself into not seeing clearly the common sense facts, through/via self-forgiveness done in self-honesty to myself so i can desolve and delete all patterns of manipulation that i have created to be part of the whom i am, and the whom i will become in this world.






Thanks



Larry Manuela





Join us at: www.desteni.org



Have a look at THE solution to ALL the problems we are causing in this world in the form of: www.equalmoney.org






Do the course of a lifetime and change yourself in order to change the world:DIP If not able to afford this one, here is a free version to get you started in becoming a REAL caring human being: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/


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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 15 Feb 2013, 18:43

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... adult.html




Thursday, 14 February 2013
Day 209, The Body of a Child VS The Body Of An Adult.
Today at work i was making a joke with a colleague whom happens to be Muslim and i saw an add in the newspaper where they were showing women and children in swimsuits on vacation, on some beach somewhere. And i knew that he will have problems with the adults in swimsuits, so i asked him to have a look at these adds, and he turned and looked and he closed his eyes when he saw what i was showing him. And i told him now you have to add an extra prayer to the normal 5 times you have to pray in a day, because you have done something that is considered ''haram'' according to your religious view. And after this we just laughed it out.


Now when we were done laughing i said to him: ' you know something....? I just had a realization, because you can look at the little children in their swimsuits but yet when it comes to the adults and especially the women in swimsuits, then suddenly there is a problem, suddenly it is something bad/wrong to look at. '


















Now lets have a look at this. first of all let me say, that i find this fascinating how we superimpose our mind garbage unto the physical reality, because the body/the form may have transformed and become more/bigger, but it IS still a body, thus the body being a body did NOT change. It is still flesh and bones.

All of this is due to our own make believes about sexuality, that somehow when our body parts change we suddenly have some nasty fantasies in our minds about them and we think/believe that they need to be covered, or if they are not, it is NOT o.k.

The thing about this is, that it is what we ourselves have as desires within ourselves in our minds that is the problem here and NOT the body itself, the body is natural. We have also taken SEX and made it unnatural, we use SEX which is natural to try and do with it what the minds imagine and desire, but are NOT in alignment with the real physical world, the real physical body in this case. We are abusing that which is natural through/with our minds, what we have as believes within it.

So what does these believes represent and what are they really contributing/supporting as to the consequences to our living conditions, to our reality of earth and the way we live with each other and with everything else..? As one can see clearly our minds goes against our nature as what we are as the human forms, as the whole of the physical existence as a matter of fact. And everything within the mind is being given more value as IF it is of more value and that which is of value itself, which is LIFE manifested as all kinds of forms, have NO value at all to the ones living in their minds, which are ALL the humans walking this earth. Now understand when i use the word ''value'' in relation to the mind, i am implying all the values, be them positive in nature or negative. Because this same mind tends to give more credit and try to pursuit more easily that which sounds positive and that which sounds negative is being avoided, when in reality either ones are of the mind/as the mind, depending on how one was shaped through the environment and the society/culture and so forth.......................

Let me give an example of this so it may be more clearly understood.

According to many of us within our believes we think that a woman should NOT show much of her skin or much of her nakedness, thus a woman that is NOT showing her skin/nakedness, we will consider it positive/a good thing, because she is living according to what we have accepted and allowed to be ''morally acceptable'' within the parameters of this existence of inequality, within our brainwashing, and if a woman walks around showing more skin for those of us whom want it to be covered will see this as negative, something bad, something wrong, something obscene and sometimes even vile, depending on the extent of the brainwashing of course we received through our parents/culture/society/traditions/religious beliefs, which by the way are contributing to the perpetuation of inequality in this physical reality.


So either one have found nakedness positive or negative, these findings themselves are what are NOT natural as to that which is the human form.

The human form have parts of it that are used for sexuality, and sexuality really means, to assist and support another body as yourself, as expressing real physical touch and care and of course to reproduce offsprings. All these are natural expression belonging to the human form and many other forms of life have similar expression in order to produce offsprings and to care physically for each other as in touching one another.

Now the moment the mind interfere with all this naturalness, we have a problem, because the mind is looking for stimulation in order to extract the most energy from the body, all kinds of weird beliefs and justifications are being formed and superimpose on the body to perform or to prohibit. And these go into extreme measures. That is why pornography is such a hit, and all the sex-driven media and campaigns to turn natural sex into virtual sex/mental sex, and then everyone is mentally sexualized against their own natural sexual nature. And in this the body will be abused extensively. Debates will rise whether or not what will be morally acceptable within our own self-created delusions of grandeur, in a self-created collective inequality existence, where EQUALITY as LIFE have NO validity whatsoever, and where that which is NATURAL is suddenly unnatural, and the unnatural itself is being seen as natural.. What a mess isn't it....???


Now i am not even going into the child molesters whom are walking the earth, trying to rape every little piece of flesh as children in this world. These are all parts of the extent of the participation into mind delusions about sexuality, that has become extremely dangerous and harmful and abusive in all sense of the words.

It is time to get REAL...!!



At desteni we have many support as to help one help onself to stop these distructive delusions and get back to reality,a nd leave the mental world.


Study the ''what is sex'' series here: https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-overview



Thanks.



Larry Manuela




Join us at: www.desteni.org



Have a look at THE solution to ALL the problems we are causing in this world in the form of: www.equalmoney.org






Do the course of a lifetime and change yourself in order to change the world:DIP If not able to afford this one, here is a free version to get you started in becoming a REAL caring human being: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/


And for better understanding of the living words, visit our destonian Wiki website: http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page



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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 12 Aug 2013, 00:44

Sunday, 11 August 2013


Day 256, The '' THEY and THEM '' vs the '' ME and WE/US '' Part 2
Now i am moving to the next dimension, which will be the Thought-dimension, in regards to this particular point.







Thought-Dimension:

*** a picture of me talking to some people

*** picture of me trying to explain why common sense is not existent in this world

*** picture of me looking at the faces of people, like them not having a clue what i am talking about




Self-Forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a picture appear within/as my mind consciousness system wherein i see a picture of how my eyes see myself in the mirror, and use this picture to represent my actual real human body in my mind consciousness system to talk to some other people within/as my mind consciousness system when all of them are just picture-representations of actual human bodies and thus are all illusions.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that all the pictures i create within my mind and that at this stage i am not even aware as how exactly i am doing that, where exactly they're coming from, with this i mean; which specific memory holds what specific picture and so forth---------------i then fall in giving them value as in giving them attention, and by giving them attention i create more of them within my mind consciousness system, like a snowball effect and because it moves so fast i cannot even see what picture is belonging to what memory exactly and how/when i placed that memory within my human physical body.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be deceived again by myself as the mind consciousness system and in the moment forgetting to BREATHE and instead went on with the generation of thoughts within/as my mind consciousness system to keep me from standing HERE.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that i am deliberately giving my thoughts attention in order to generate more of them as IF i actually really need them, without seeing/realizing/understanding that i didn't need them the moment before they appeared, and i was functioning just fine without them and was without their existence.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that my thoughts are actually something real, that i can even rely on, when i know they come and go according to what happens outside of me as in how i interpret what happens outside of me, raising a whole agglomeration of files upon files of memories i don't even remember when i placed them there and for what purpose and how exactly i did it within and as myself to protect my own self-interest.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how by participating within and as my thoughts i am actually not being HERE as the the breath and as the human physical body/form that i am for real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture in my mind where i am trying to explain why common sense is not existent in this world, without seeing/realizing/understanding that i am just participating within/as my mind consciousness system.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind try to explain common sense, when it is something one just have to get it and then to apply it. Thus trying to explain common sense through/via the mind is just not going to work, because it is just that one have to see what is actually HERE as it in fact functions without the bias of the mind, very simply put; what is best for all life equally, which is common sense and what is NOT best for all LIFE equally is NOT common sense, thus NOT LIFE.

I forigve myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that by using these pictures in my mind i can then through/via them use them to CONvince people what common sense is, when i know common sense does not need convincing, it needs to be realized by each one for themselves and then applied/lived as whom we are in every moment of every breath in Self-honesty.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand in the moment of having pictures of me trying to explain common sense is utter none sense and very delusional and only adds to the trying to feel good about myself, which is in itself self-interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself in my mind looking at other peoples faces and see within their face expression that they have no clue what i am talking about.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have this mind projection within/as myself that i will use also in the real world as a way to weight what i am saying and if i am being understood or not, thus coming from a mind projection to evaluate reality.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind in evaluating what happens in reality when most of the times i was shown in real life that my mind was unacceptable, thus that i as a mind consciousness system is not aligned with reality.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within my own mind i judge others as not being capable of understanding me, and thus in real life will have a starting point based on that mind perspective, instead of just being HERE within and as breath and as my human physical body/form one and as equal as all as LIFE, and then use my common sense to share whatever i have to share fully aware that i shared myself in common sense as what is BEST for all.



Self-Commitment statements:


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into making picture-presentation of my own body or other human bodies or anything in this world, i STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE and make sure i focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am using these picture-presentations within/as my mind to use later on as examples in real life as IF they are real and i can count on them, when all they really represent is my self-interest in how i view/see/interpret myself and everyone and everything else within/ as my mind consciousness system.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into picture flashing, i immediately STOP------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE within and as my human physical body and focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that that with the fashing of the pictures in my mind as thoughts, i am still forgetting to stop and slow myself down in the moment and be HERE, within/as the breath so i can see where the pictures as thoughts are coming from and to which memory they belong and then i can have a look at the memory and see when i placed it there where it is and for what reason i did it, so i can embrace it completely and let it go.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into generating more thoughts, i immediately STOP,------ take a deep breath or many deep breaths as necessary till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am forgetting to breathe and choose to follow my thoughts within and as my mind consciousness system which in turn create more and more thoughts as pictures in it and this takes me away from being HERE as my breath and my human physical body/form.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into trying to explain what common sense is, i immediately STOP myself and take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am trying to explain common sense instead of living it as an example and in so doing let the living example speak for itself as the expression of common sense as i live common sense in every moment of breath.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into judging and projecting my mind perspectives as what i see in other peoples faces, i STOP, -------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i using my judgements based within my memory to evaluate and judge what others may be thinking or believing about me or about what i am saying. In this, i am thus perpetuating my self-judgement and thus then live this self-judgement in this world wherein judging is then acceptable and allowed, because it is acceptable and allowed within and as myself.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into judging others through my mind as not being capable of understanding me, i immediately STOP, -------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am basing my evaluations on biased information within and as my mind, instead of using common sense, as that which is BEST for all LIFE.



So within this i commit myself to make sure to remind myself to actually STOP myself within the moments i choose my mind picture-presentations to evaluate reality with as IF it is real and instead BREATHE and just be HERE and from HERE to remain HERE and then express myself within as my breath and my human physical body one as equal.


I commit myself to remind myself to stop and slow myself down in breath when the pictures are flashing within my mind consciousness system and then to investigate where exactly they are orginating from and to what memories they belong and for what purpose was that specific memory placed and hold within and as my human physical body.


I commit myself to make sure i keep myself committed to being HERE and remind myself to stick to being HERE so i don't wonder away from HERE and get lost in my mind consciousness system with its toughts.


I commit myself to make sure to do my utmost best to live common sense in my words and as whom i am as the human body in the words i speak, little by little till i am completely expressing myself as such in all complete Self-honesty, and to also remind myself to have patience with myself because it is a process that does not come from the day to the next.






Self-Reward:


within this specific post i have seen/realized/understood that i am compromising myself through participating within and as my mind consciousness system, and due to this making my opportunity to realize myself as LIFE HERE longer every time i choose deliberately to go into my mind consciousness system to evaluate and to have a look at reality which in its turn will be based on biased information as examples as memories to protect my own Self-interest as me thinking/believing that i ''know'' what i am talking about and that it is real, when all of it is based on an illusion.





Thanks.




Larry Manuela
- See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... iALC1.dpuf



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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 15 Aug 2013, 20:05

Thursday, 15 August 2013
Day 257, Bernard Poolman, the greatest world teacher EVER, yet just a few noticed.
Now i am going to share with you, the reader what this man; Bernard Poolman meant to me and how he has EFFECTED my life so i can start taking my Self-responsibility as it should be.





I was called by Ingrid and she asked me if i have read the email about Bernard, and i said no, because when she called me i was sleeping and i woke up and went immediately to check my email to see what she was talking about, and as i read the first sentence;" We are here to inform you that Bernard has passed away in the early hours of Sunday 11th of August.'' This sentence alone hit very hard, i was totally shocked and i said: '' WHAT!!! '' and then followed that up with: '' SHIT!! ''

And after all these swearing, a deep sadness came over me, like a part of me is gone so to speak, and then i became angry at SYSTEMS, just systems, all systems, i start blaming systems, all systems, existential systems, and the systems we have in this world as in how we conduct/manage our living together here in this world.

So before i continue let me forgive myself for having this anger within me in relation to Bernard's passing away.


Self-Forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat in me in the form as the word: ''what,'' to in that moment to represent my own disbelief about the news that Bernard have passed away, thus like wanting my disbelief to be true, without seeing/realizing/understanding in that moment that the disbelief itself is also a belief and is my own making that has nothing to with reality, which also in this moment of writing this statement is another clear PROOF how belief can fuck one up, because my disbelief as my belief in that moment was proven to be NOT true as i manifested it in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat in me in the form as the word: '' Shit,'' to in that moment to represent my own fear as in: '' what the fuck am i going to do now,'' which is a point of self-interest, because in Bernard through his words i was looking for stability and empowerment without seeing/realizing/understanding that i was not giving that to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be very angry at all what i in a moment saw as systems and that i hate systems, without seeing realizing that I AM a system, i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become a system and by being angry and hating them is in reality hating that which i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.


I forgive msyelf that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that by being angry and hating systems is somehow going to change something within me as me trying to ease away the real pain as in the sadness that came over me with the news of Bernard passing away, thus in this transforming it as----------- in running away from the sadness instead of standing within and as the sadness completely and embrace myself as it and get it over with as making me totally the sadness that i manifested within and as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand in the moment of being angry and hateful to whatever that is outside and inside of me as systems is nothing but what i myself has accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and without.


Therefore i commit myself to stand within and as myself within and as my process i need to walk in order to be/become the principle Bernard walked and lived equal and one as the whom i am as an individual and doing this within/as the group of desteni.


I commit myself to use the tools provided by desteni as what Bernard himself used in his own process to be and become the whom he was and is as the principle of oneness and equality as what is BEST for ALL LIFE.


I commit myself to embrace myself as the systems i have become so i can understand myself as these systems and then bring all of what i have become to the HERE point, so i can free myself of what i have become that is NOT what is BEST for all LIFE.


I commit myself to remind myself to always when i see that i am going to or about to go into becoming angry and hateful to immediately STOP myself within and as breath and do NOT allow myself to participate into emotions and stick and be within and as my breath right HERE, as the point of stability as the point of actual standing within/as my human physical body/form.


I commit myself to workout deligently on myself with myself with the tools i have been given by Bernard and that he have lived himself in absolute detail never waivering an inch, so i can be/become a +1 in the equation where eventually will be where all the one's (1) put together live the same principle till it is done.

I commmit myself to give myself patience and to not forget that the process is a process and it will take time, so patience is critical and also practical and make sure i stick to my breathing as the point of stability wherein i can trust myself as the breath within and as my human physical body/form equal and one.


========================================





So in the beginning of hearing Bernard speaking with his roaring voice as a lion, i was not afraid of the way he spoke. I heard within his way of speaking as a directness and a certainty and as he change from sound with his voice in the voice i hear humbleness and actual real care in every word even when he was swearing.

In the beginning if i was to let other people that are not part of the desteni group hear some awesome interview where he was speaking, the voice was the first thing most of the people will react to and find it scarry or whatever, and this i could not understand, because to me i was hearing what he was saying, the voice is just like a carrier, a way of effecting the words, so they can touch the core of our being.

What i was fearful of was really to meet Bernard, because i was aware that he could see all the shit in me i had as secrets in my mind where no-one else can see and only i know is there. Now that i am writing this, i can see now within me why it was i was postponing so much, it is because of this one point, to have to face myself if i ever got the be in the presence of Bernard, thus this means that i was fearing my own fear of facing myself and then use Bernard as a projection of my own fear so i can continue fearing myself and thus not move and change for real deeply.


======================================



Therefore, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear Bernard for what i was aware he could do, thus seeing within the dephts of my mind as what lies within it, what i am hiding, thus in this case fearing my own fear and making sure that i keep being in this fear.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that ''hiding something,'' is being dishonest within and as myself, like harnessing energy for myself within myself as to keep myself as the energy as the mind consciousness system to continue being the whom i am within and as this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself down and engage in unnecessary fear of my own creation, just in order to NOT stand within and as myself to be/become the living principle of oneness and equality, that which is BEST for all LIFE.

Hereby i commit myself to bring myself to the point where i am aware within me that i loose something within me and in that point i then stand within and as my breath forgiving myself and standing so i can take this fear of myself having to stand away and delete it.

I commit myself to write out in detail all that is within me so i can see the whom i am as my mind consciousness system, as what i accept and allow within me and as what i will not accept and allow to be within and as me and direct myself to bring it to the HERE point and change myself.


I commit myself to stop hiding within and as myself and just open myself up patiently till all that is as me as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become is on paper in the written word, through my Self-forgiveness and my commitments to then have a view of what i am doing in order to STOP myself in the critical moments and stand in the stopping as in NOT letting myself participate within the fear that will want to rise up and to digg deep till i find its root within and as me using the tools as they are presented at desteni.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --

as you can see by now as what i have written here, that i did not meet him in the flesh when he was here in the flesh as the flesh, even though there was this willingness within me to wanting to meet him and get it over with in a sense deep within me, like wanting it to go really really bad as in the point of no return and face it all in that point and get it over with and for this one more time i project it as Bernard being able to support me in that particular point as in pushing the buttons that i should be pushing myself, because i can see them within and as me, but yet fail deliberately to not push myself to get to that point of no way out BUT to face myself in my own darkest hours.

Now with Bernard's passing away i have also within me see/realize/understand more clearly then ever what it is i need to do and to actually do it as an individual and also within and as a group as desteni.

There is not one interview that is shared where Bernard spoke that i have not listen to, because i was listening to all of them, i always looked for support through his words and all that he has written that were shared i read them all, because they are simple and yet direct written as in a form of cutting right through any bullshit that i may have in a moment. So but you see; this was supportive but yet i took it the wrong way, in the sense that i wasn't really integrating it, as in living what he was sharing, it was like a moment thing just to feel better about myself for a particular point i was busy with.

Now that he has passed away, i have seen/realized/understood that i leaned too much on his voice as what his voice could do through sounding of the words in certain and specific way and using certain specific tonality and resonance in supporting and assisting me so my process can become more bearable, but then again with all of that, even when i understood what he was saying in common sense i lacked LIVING them.

So now this NOT living the words as i understand them is changed, because i am aware now as he is not here in the flesh as an individual human being anymore to push any buttons for no-one i have to and must push my own buttons and sound my own words and do what i have to do in order to be/become a living example as to what it means to live by the principle of oneness and equality, that which is BEST for all life, as Bernard has shown through his living when he was here.

Living time have arrived.! So indeed Bernard has given his own life so all may LIVE as one as equal as what is BEST for all LIFE as the principle of/as life.


So i am forever grateful for all what Bernard did for me and for what he did for ALL always in all ways and this gratefulness to make it count; i must live it, and so be it!!


Thanks



Larry Manuela
- See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... aRNMZ.dpuf



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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 28 Oct 2013, 05:26

Sunday, 27 October 2013


Day 264, disregard of others in the little things.



At work today i have noticed something very small that i did, and even though i saw it late after i took some breaths and paid attention to my breathing, but when i saw it in that moment i started to investigate the point within me to see how many times i have done this before without even noticing, that even within such small things still there are moments of total disregard of another as myself.
















Now what happened was; at work before we work on some machine we have to put our names on the list in case something goes wrong, it can be easily assess who did what and on what time and date. Now the collegue of mine asked me to write our names down, but when he was asking me this i was already busy putting my name on the list, and he saw me doing that and he said; 'yeah, just put our names there,' in a way as if it is not really important, and then comes the point. In that moment i saw that i wrote my name very nice down, but when i wrote his name i wrote it fast and not looking nice at all, as if i reacted to what he said and unconsciously immediately in that moment express it in a consequence. Just because he mentioned to me that i should write our names but it is something of no importance, i then responded with writing HIS name down as if it is of no importance and just wrote it very fast and not looking nice at all as the way/manner i wrote my name.

So when i caught myself in breath and i saw this point, in said: What The Fuck.!!

And i started questioning myself, and i asked myself:

*** Why did i wrote his name down as if his name is of no importance, just because he said to put our names on the paper but in a way as if it is not important to do that and by not writing his name beautifully am i taking revenge in a sense on him because he sees our name writings as NOT important?

*** Why do i have to write mine nice and his ugly?

*** Why do i immerse into these opinions?

*** How come my body reacted like that and wrote his name so ugly?

*** Is this a point of inferiority/superiority?




Self-Forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react physically in a way as in writing the name of my collegue not beautifully as i wrote mine, just because in that slight moment i had a judgement about what he said and how he said it and did not agree with him, thus in my mind he needs to be revenged for what he said and thus my revenge was to write his name down NOT nice at all and also as if his name is of no importance compare to mine.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by juding others i am judging myself and it creates a physical consequence in the physical reality, where the judgement i have within and as myself becomes in the physical a consequence that is equal as the energy that the judgement had within and as me, and in this case the judgement was a ''negative judgement,'' and thus a negative outcome has taken place immediately in the form of writing a name down in a ugly way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link unimportance to revenge, and thus something or someone that resembles or act in a form of unimportance, i immediately respond physically with a revenge as in this; someone or something having to PAY for what they have said or done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write my name beautifully and his ugly signifying my judgement in what he said as being unimportant according to my mind interpretation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind interpretation instead of being HERE and staying HERE within and as myself within and as my breath and above this give into the trust of my interpretation instead of taking the time and write both our names as i am suppose to write them down beautifully as is my real handwriting.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my hands be guided and influenced by my interpretation and thus in the physical reality manifested a physical consequence that is NOT what is BEST for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be immersed within and as an opinion of what is important and what not, and by this physically manifested an outcome that match the opinion i have had within and as my mind, which in this case what i have found to be unimportant and none deserving.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand HOW far i have made my body addicted to these energies within and as myself where the body just go into compliance without any hesitation according to my mind interpretation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in a way as taking revenge on him, just because i can see within me that i think/belief that this guy is always trying to compete with me and because i don't like it i am trying to revenge him in some way or another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret that he might be in competition with me, when all of the interpretation can be wrong, and even if i was right, i will still be nowhere, because it will not be based on a mutual understanding based in common sense but on a self-interest judgement based on feeling superior to/towards another as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in the moment i was writing his name down, not beautifully as mine, i didn't pay attention that i was physically in that moment also feeling physically uncomfortable as the pen in between my fingers was not feeling comfortable and feeling physically that the point/tip of the pen is not writing smoothly, but yet i kept on forcing myself to write his name NOT beautifully as i did mine.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the hints my hand was giving me when i was forcing myself in a moment without even noticing it to write his name down not beautifully as i wrote mine.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to to slow myself down in that slightest moment where i did have the awareness that i was doing something that was NOT what is BEST for all and that my body was even giving me hint, that i am not doing something that is BEST for all, but yet i did not breathe in that moment to slow myself down and be HERE to see/realize/understand what the moment i was in, what kind of opportunity it gave me to realize a point within and as myself, but yet did NOT took that opportunity in that moment.


Self-Commitment Statements:

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into judging others and it refelcts in HOW i write names down, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by having a judgement about others in a moment makes me have an physical outcome/consequence that is equal to the judgement itself within me as me as the mind as energy.

Therefore, i commit myself to make sure i stay within my breath and focus on my breathing and being HERE within and as my human physical body, always alert in every moment so i do not move into judgement and also make sure that i am clear within myself, that there are no burdens within me as thoughts of judgements, and if they do arrive within me, to immediately to investigate them through my writing of Self-Forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, to see what it is i am busy suppressing that will become later on somewhere in my daily living a judgement of others, that in reality is the judgement of my SELF.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into linking unimportance to revenge within and as myself, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am linking unimportance to revenge, because i see within myself as my mind consciousness system that that which is unimportant must be something that needs to be revenged, which is a form of punishment.

Within this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret within and as myself as my mind consciousness system that, that which i see through and as my mind consciousness system as something that is of ''unimportance,'' must be revenged and thus meaning, must be punished. And within this punishement i see/realize/understand that i am doing this because of NOT caring, so by not caring, thus literally NOT living CARE, all becomes not important and because of this i have accepted and allowed myself to punish or belief that that which is unimportant, thus that which i do NOT care for must be punished.

Therefore, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief through my mind consciousness system that, that which is NOT within and as my care, must be something that is unimportant and thus deserves to be punished, because punishment is then seen as equal to/as the unimportance, having no value.

Within this, I commit myself to investigate through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE to see within myself in order to understand ME, as to why it is i belief that unimportance have to be punished.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into interpreting or judging something as being beautiful or not, to Immediately STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that my interpretation of what beautiful is or not is linked with how i will treat or act in relation to that which i have interpret within myself to/towards the thing or a person and according to the charge i give the interpretation being ''positive or negative'' will be acted out in the real world in alignment with the energetic charge as an act or treatment that in the physical have intentions of harm or actually really harms.

So, therefore, i commit myself to make sure i stick within and as my breathing the only place where i can be one and equal with and as without having to be in judgement and yet still be HERE doing what is necessary to be done within that moment of breathing being HERE as to what is BEST for all.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into not taking my time to write names down all the same and let myself be influenced by my opinions, i immediately STOP--------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by not being HERE in breath one and equal within and as my body, i am busy letting myself be influenced by my judgement that are all Self-judgement.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of Self-forgiveness to investigate within me if such point comes up again till it does not come up anymore because i have outrooted it, through the writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE as in not participating within it when it comes up, and this is only possible if i am aware of every moment of everything that happens within me as me as the mind as energy and also what happens in the without, as the world outside.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into, through my judgements as opinions that influence my hands or whatever part of my body, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am through opinions as judgements i influence by body to perform or do certain/specific tasks that do NOT have an outcome that is BEST for all.

Therefore i commit myself to make sure i am physically busy and aware of that which i am physically busy with, one and equal within and as my breath, to make sure i do not participate into thoughts as opinions as judgements and if anything should come to immediately or in moments when i am all by myself alone, to take it on in writing myself to freedom using Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE to see the point that opened up, to see what it is conncted to within and as me.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into body movements that i am not aware of me moving me, I STOP----------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, and keep on focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that the moments when i am not within and as my breath and with/as my human physical body equal and one, i am in my mind influencing my body movement to go the way the mind as me wants to go without my directiveness.

Therefore, i commit myself to make sure that i am doing something that is physically HERE and within that application also to make sure that i continue breathing and focusing on it in order to not participate in moments of mind interpretation and thoughts, and if this is to happen anyway, to make a note and when i am alone by myself to have a look at it and investigate within myself through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into interpreting others as being in competition with me as what i think and belief, or perceive, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that when i interpret others as being in competition with me, i get some friction/conflict within me that results in the outside world also in a form of friction/conflict with myself in relation to the others as myself or that i react physically in a form that resembles a punishement or a revenge.

Therefore, i commit myself to be very attentive in what i am doing physically to not distract myself from being HERE, within and as my breath and to get lost in my mind, so i can stay out of friction/conflict in relation to others as myself.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into feelings of superiority within and as myself, I STOP---------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that letting myself be taken into the feeling of superiority within myself reflects in the outside as seeing the other as inferior to me, which is the opposite of what i am busy feeling within myself as being superior to another, thus in reality i am reacted as feeling superior because i see myself as inferior to/towards the other.

thus within this, I commit myself to investigate through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE the moments that will visit me again where i will fall in the superiority/inferiority judgement of myself as oppose to another as myself and to in this way dig deeper to find out what is behind it all, within and as myself as the mind consciousness system.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into not feeling physically comfortable, i immediately STOP------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am when i am physically comfortable it is because i am somewhere else in my mind and NOT HERE, in breath and within and as my body equal and one.

I commit myself to pay attention to my physical body and to follow my physical body when it is indicating to me in the form of feeling physically uncomfortable to stop whatever i am doing and catch some breath to slow myself down in order to see what i am busy participating in, in my mind that is giving my body an expression of uncomfortability. And if i cannot find it within that moment, i will take a note and when i am at home and being quiet by myself i investigate through Self-forgiveness what it is i have missed within that moment that made my body react in uncomfortability.



Self-Reward:

Within this writing in regard to this specific point, i have seen/realized/understood that even in little moments or exactly in little moments that the oportunities exist for me to realize myself in a moment to what i am accepting and allowing and what i am NOT accepting and allowing, i let myself get lost within my mind consciousness system, and how it is that my body even gives me hints, but yet because i am not in breath one and equal and within and as my body one and equal, i then create outcomes for myself and others as myself that are not what is BEST for all.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela
- See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... Gk0ii.dpuf



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Re: larry's 7 year journey to life

Postby larrymanuela » 22 Dec 2013, 14:01

Day 273, Challenge and No Challenge. Part 1




Talking with I, a few days ago i have noticed and realized within me that i have this program within me that came up, which was that i had a look at my relationships in the past and i saw that i was not challenged in my relationships. Now understand, when i say challenge here i am not talking about challenge as in ''intelligence'' or ''competiveness.''

I am talking about the simple fact of being comfortable with someone that is accepting and allowing me as the personality i have become in this world to roam around freely.

I have noticed and realized that all these wonderful sayings that we use in the world-system in relation to relationships as they are lived in this world at the moment are the defenders and supporters of our personalities. For instance sentences as:




*** '' We must accept someone for whom they are inside, the outside is not so important.''

*** '' The person's heart is what counts.''

*** '' The character of what the person is presenting is what is important and not so much how they look like.''

*** '' I love you for your personality.''

*** '' You are such a lovely person.''



When i have a look at these statements i/we use or have used closely, i can see that all these statements are related to in order to induce a positive outcome for the one whom wants/desires and is in need of a positive energetic experience, which is actually the whole basis of relationships as they exist in this moment in this world. It is all about finding that ''one person'' to be happy with. And being happy is all about a positive energetic experience.

So all of that is what i found and realized within me as me NOT being challenged, because my personalities i have become were accepted and allowed. I was found by the girfriends as someone that has; ''a nice heart,'' '' a good person,'' '' someone that really shows me that they care about me,'' '' someone that sees and treat me as their special person for them alone and only them,'' '' someone that loves kids.''

So all these traits were/are part of my personality playout in this world. And i see/realize and understand that these personalities are the ones that are more desireable by many people IF not all people in this world. So if we find someone with these traits we are not going to challenge them at all, because apparently one possesses the things the other is wishing for, want and desires. So when i have these characters/personalities all i have to do is be them/play them out and all goes smoothly because the other one does not want to ''loose'' me. So by living as these personalities in the mind, i am in fact not growing, not expanding and learning anything about myself and also in the same breath i am accepting and allowing the other person to keep on being in character to support my character. So we can both get our dosis of positive energetic experiences. Thus i am in this manner manipulating others to get what i want and others accept my manipulation through their own manipulation to also get want they want. It is an exchanging of roles of personalities it seem.

================================






Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to being comfortable without being challenged as the whom i am, because the whom i am in my mind was never challenged before, because of the personalities i lived as within and as this world were all personalities that are acceptable by the majority of people, especially to women whom were attracted to me and then became my girlfriends.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others using my personalities to get what i want and desire in a relationship.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let others manipulate me so through their manipulation get my reward as a positive energetic experience, a.k.a '' being happy.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the phrase: '' We must accept someone for whom they are inside, the outside is not so important,'' implying that the personality i am looking for in another is what i need in order for ME to feel happy inside myself, an idea i created within myself and tell myself that the other must have to make ME feel happy about myself.

I forgive myself that in have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to the personality in the mind of another than to give value to the body of the other that is actually real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the body as a carrier of the personality and validate it as something that i can use if it appeal to my needs by manipulating the personality within it through giving it more value then the body that houses it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' The person's heart is what counts,'' by this using the physical heart as a means to validate the persona's depthness, because the heart is the organ that pumps the blood to circulate the oxigen througout the body and with this i also see the heart through the mind as more important than other organs of the body with their own unique functions within and as the body, thus giving the persona in the mind the same separate value of ''more then'' by linking and use it as a comparison to the heart. Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give certain organs/parts of my body more value then other parts and then through this link it to the persona in the mind as also being or having that same value.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' The character of what the person is presenting is what is important and not so much how they look like,'' trying to convince myself and others that the personalities i/we playout in the world through/via my/our bodies are more important then the body itself that these personalities need in order to exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at someones presentation as a character and not as whom the being is in fact as a totality and within this only look at the positive things about the person. If the person have lots of things that are negative according to me, i will not choose the person, and if the body has nice shapes and the face is pretty i will let what i see as negative in the personality slide, within this then choosing the body based on the images i have in my mind of how a body should look like for me to like it, and not actually looking at the body as an equal to my body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' I love you for your personality,'' because according to my mind consciousness system, that is what is important and also the whole world is talking and teaching about this, that the personality is what is important about a human being, and not THE human being itself, all of what it consist of and exist as a manifested life-form equal and one with and as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on one aspect of what the human body consists of and exists as, and even within this not seeing/realizing/understanding that i am focusing on the part that is not really real, it is only being experienced as if it is real, but it is not actually real for it cannot exist on itself without the body and just exist on breathing on itself. Thus the personality that i belief i am cannot walk on itself outside the body breathing and be in this world without my human physical body, it is totally dependent on my human physical body and the functions of the human physical body for its existence within the body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' You are such a lovely person,'' because of the value i have given the personalities within myself and others as myself as being MORE valuable then the body itself and the LIFE that is within it and everything else.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always seek the positive energetic experience, because i belief that this is what i must find and seek in order to have a happy experience on earth and is even the reason and purpose of my existence on earth, without seeing/realizing and understanding that my real existence on earth is to express me as life as this human form in its full potential to support myself as life as all as one as equal so that life is not only celebrated, but also honored in each expression to express itself in its fullest expression and reach its own perfection in expressing itself in this physical reality of earth and physical exitence in its totality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that by giving value to my personalities and others personalities i am in fact choosing deliberately to put the personalities on a pedestal above the physical reality that they are dependent on and also on life itself.


O.k. within the next blog i will be writing the Self-commitment statements in regards to these Self-forgiveness statements.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela

See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013 ... -part.html




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