Axel's Journey to Life

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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 09 Feb 2013, 05:59

Day 2: What does it mean to live truly happy in this world and how we can we get there?

http://axelsjourneytolife.wordpress.com ... his-world/

In my writing yesterday I was using the word "happiness" quite a bit and I want to pick up on this today because the pursuit of happiness, in one form or another, is what I think keeps me moving, one way or another. Formerly, I pursued happiness through a variety of means like watching TV, playing games, using drugs, including in sexual activities, partying, or engaging in many other kinds of so-called "fun"-activities. Nowadays I am engaging more in reading, listening to music, meditation, the search for enlightenment, appreciating the beauty of nature, deep and meaningful discussions, and even attempting to be part of saving this world through "meaningful" activities in my pursuit of happiness. But after all, I have to admit that the major driving force behind all of this is my desire for a happier life and a happier world. I believe we all have this desire although our individual expressions of how we approach a happier life differ. In my opinion even the introduction of an Equal Money System or writing the Journey to Life blogs is intended with the pursuit of happiness in mind. Don't we want to solve the problems of this world in order to make this planet a better place to live? Don't we as individuals attempt to become more self-honest through writing and self-reflection so that we can become "better" or happier people that make a difference in this world "for the best of all", so that we all can live happier lives? It looks to me like this pursuit of happiness is an inherent driving force in all life forms. It is a major driving force than cannot be abolished or put aside. And there is nothing wrong in this. What is wrong is when our pursuit of happiness leaves out others. Problems arise when in our pursuit of happiness we put our blinders on and disregard the results of our pursuit and the effects our actions have on others. Things go wrong when we look away from the suffering we cause for others so that we can continue our path without having to bother. Worse even when we accept the suffering of others as a necessary step to reach our own goals. Don't we all too often just look away from the consequences of our actions and have only our own well-being in mind? We don't want to look at this because that would most likely put us on a different path. A path that we don't know much about because we have never learned to walk it. And thus we come up with easy excuses like "this is just how the world works" or "there is nothing I can do" and "it is not my fault".

But when we look at the global effects this pursuit of happiness has caused in this world, we see environmental destruction, economic enslavement, poverty, depression and mostly unhappy people especially in the western societies where most of us struggle with a meaningless life. And I am certainly no exception. I find my life pretty meaningless (which is an issue I will explore a bit later in more detail), the state of affairs is almost unbearable for me, and thus feel a desperate need for change. And this need for change is based on the ideas that such change will ultimately result in a happier life for me, so that I can enjoy my existence here on earth better. So there is a conflict here: we look for happiness and in our pursuit of it we are turning the world into a hell hole (rather than into a paradise) out of which we want to escape by all means in order to live happier. A closed circle that keeps us in a loop that will likely end in total disaster, if we are not able to break the chain. But how can we possibly do that?

One thing I realized is that we can't do it through pursuit of our own egotistical goals for happiness. We are embedded in a physical, mental, and social environment that includes all of life and of which are an integral part. If we leave out everyone (or even anyone) else from our considerations and pursue only our own ends without considering the effects on everyone/anyone else, we will just produce a gap of separation between us and "them". Such a gap of separation can now be seen to exist everywhere in this world. There is gap of separation between me and the environment, a gap between the rich and the poor, a gap between you and me (my goals and opinions vs. your goals and opinions), and a gap even between our bodies, minds and hearts. And this gap is exactly what the rulers of this world need to have in place because it serves their ends very well. "Divide and conquer" is their rule. The more separated and divided people are, the wider the gap between the rich and the poor, the easier to control the population is and the easier it becomes to widen this gap even further. And this is what is happening. We instigate conflict among nations so that they fight each other, we don't trust our neighbors and buy weapons to defend ourselves, we want to get ahead of the game in business and use our elbows to get to the top before anyone else does, and we dumb down our young so that they "don't get it" and can be easily enslaved through college grants and minimum wages so that they just stay put and accept this rat race without ever questioning it. And thus we find us in an depressing situation beyond any hope for positive change. We give up and resignate. And this exactly how and what the controlling elite wants. Because from that separated and hopeless state there is very little chance that we ever find a way out. Thus the controllers can remain in power without having anything to fear.

What we actually thus do as humanity is emanating a very low vibration of hopelessness and separation into the human morphogenetic and earth fields. And these fields are shaping the physical consensus reality we in turn experience. We see this manifesting as poverty, pollution, environmental destruction, extinction of species, strife and struggle, all causing more and more separation. Separation is the main problem in this world. Separation between our minds and our bodies. Separation between our ego and our hearts. Separation between the rich and the poor. Separation between us and them. Separation between you and me. We all seem to have our own agendas how to fix this state and at the very least we simply look away from the reality surrounding us in our pursuit of happiness. Since we feel we can't do much if anything to change this condition, we chase our own little version of happiness in order for a little bit of fulfillment and some meaning in our lives. And we wonder why we cannot really achieve this without ever realizing that we chase illusion after illusion.

The masses of poor and unhappy people contribute (unwillingly) largely to the worlds condition through their emanation into the field. Everything we do as humanity falls back on us collectively. We have to realize that we have seven billion people on this earth, each one of which contributes to the field. We are not alone here. And this means that we cannot get out of this alone either. The field will pull us back, so to speak, and hold us in its grip. We are all together in this. Not that the elite would care (it is just the opposite), but as long as one suffers, all suffer. As long as one cannot happy, nobody can be happy. This is what we fail to see. We need to alleviate the pain and suffering of all so that more people can get out of their suffering . We need to understand that this conditions is perpetuated on purpose by the controllers because it benefits them. They can exploit the masses only when the masses are suffering and are unaware of any possible way out of their suffering. But how can you become aware if you suffer and struggle for survival? This difficult, if not impossible. Therefore, the Equal Money System is the only useful way forward. It can bring the masses out of suffering. Thus they can became happier and emanate this happier state back into the field where it will in turn feed back to everyone else.

So there is indeed a very large need to raise the vibration of all people on this earth and not only our own. But if we continue working only for our own well being, we will continue making things just worse. We need to carry along all the other souls who have no choice at this point. This is our task. If we don't stand up for this, all we do is supporting our ego and our selfish desires and thus perpetuate the problem. This will not work to bring about any positive change. We are all in this together. Nobody can be left behind. We need to care for each other and the state of the world, one by one, day by day, step by step.

There are two blog posts that I came across today that pick up on this and thus I want to mention them here:

But why didn’t we ever turn the tables to realize that unless everyone is happy as in having all the necessary means to live, then I cannot be happy either?

https://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.c ... t-in-life/

and

At a personal level, I am not doing this because I am expecting to be readily benefited by establishing a new system, If I do, then that would be a 'gift,’ but it's not my aim or goal, it is instead an understanding of the responsibility we hold toward one another and this world-system as our creation, nothing more and nothing less. This is thus a process we decide to walk as a matter of principle, because we see it makes sense to establish Equality as the foundation of our way of living and interacting with one another, because we see the potential of world change if we all get to the same agreement. And this is thus at the stage we're at.

http://journeytolife.quora.com/How-to-D ... __nsrc__=1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus in an egotistical way on the pursuit of my own happiness without realizing that I cannot achieve this without bringing about happiness for all at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on ways through which I could perhaps live a happier live without realizing that the only way to actually achieve this goal is through focusing on the happiness of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue irrelevant means like finding a more meaningful job, a fulfilling partnership, and a nicer place to live in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life while even realizing that this is not at all working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am on the wrong path and not finding the strength to accept and change this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue doing what I feel is not serving me or anyone because I am afraid of change.

I commit myself to stop looking for ways to better my personal situation without considering how I could possibly help others in my sphere of influence to better their condition at the same time (win-win situation).

I commit myself to consider relocating, changing jobs, and entering new personal relationships not simply for personal reasons anymore but only if there is any apparent benefit for those involved and and the greater good for all in such action as well.

I commit myself to stop worrying about my condition first and foremost and instead look out for ways to improve the lives of others.

I commit myself to introduce more meaning into my classroom teaching and also develop means by which I can perhaps teach those students who want to listen outside of formal classes in order to help them better their condition.

I commit myself to raise awareness in others about how they could also work towards the greater good for all through self-reflective writing and studying the Equal Money System.

I commit myself to not waste my summer months to go sailing or do other kinds of meaningless activities that help no one.

I commit myself to further explore ways in which I can help others to become more aware of what they can do in order to bring about change in this world for the greater good of all.



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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 10 Feb 2013, 08:03

Day 3: Are we able to think at all?

http://axelsjourneytolife.wordpress.com ... nk-at-all/

Today I did not know what to write about. Various thoughts ran through my mind during the day but not one of them occupied my mind long enough to be remembered and used when I the time came to start writing this blog. I was compelled to make this blog today very short so that I could distract myself with useless activities that lead to nowhere, just like I did the whole day today. But even though I had no clue what I could possibly write about, I tried to focus on my writing assignment. However, I realized that I didn’t even know how I could focus on my writing. How would I do that? On what should I focus even? No thoughts came. And why should I then write about something that popped up into the mind by mere accident? Write just for sake of writing? What sense would that make?

But no, I was not giving up that fast into these kinds of thoughts. Not today. I remained on my chair, turned off the music, and stared on the blank screen. I had one hour to kill and I would use it for what it was supposed to be used (writing my daily Journey to Life blog). I was not going to run away. Not this time.

What I realized after a few minutes was that I could not even focus on anything. If no thoughts pop up whatsoever, what do you focus on. Try it for yourself: think about the NEXT thought you will have! Think about what you would like to think about and try to direct your thinking in such a way that some meaningful thoughts will pop up. It found this to be impossible. I could not direct my thinking whatsoever. Of course I was able to follow the thoughts that would pop up. Like for example “Come on, leave it alone. Nothing is happening. Go watch TV.” As I kept sitting in my chair, thoughts would randomly wander and pictures of my girlfriend would pop up, pleasant memories of the good days long past came to mind, and perhaps some worries about the future even showed up. But this was not in any way directed. These thoughts came all by themselves. All I could do is watch them and decide if I wanted to give them attention or not. Actually, I let them all go. I kept sitting in my chair and let one thought pass after another. After some time it became clear to me that I was not at all in control of my thoughts. I could only keep and remember whatever was coming or let it go and wait for the next thought. And while I was watching all these thoughts go by, I began to wonder where these thought had come from. Who was giving me those thoughts? Where they coming from the field of consciousness that we tap into? And why then these particular thoughts and not some others? I found no answer. What was becoming blatantly clear though was the fact that the content of my thoughts were either memories from the past (including dreams or things I have just been reading about perhaps only minutes ago) or they were worries about the future, which in a way are also connected with past memories (like: “will have enough money to pay my bills”) and thus they are mere projections of past events (“I did not have enough money to pay my bills”) into the future (“I am sure this will happen again”).

So what are my thoughts anyway? Are they just memories? Memories from my past experiences? Memories of what I had been reading or hearing or seeing or feeling earlier? Is there such a thing as original and new thought? Are the thoughts which I am writing down here now in any way new thoughts from ME? Have these thoughts never been thought before by anyone before I wrote them down toady? Maybe this is not a relevant question. But I had certainly not directed these thought in such a way as to decide consciously that this is was what I wanted to think about today for my blog. It just happened that these thoughts had popped up. Just by accident, just a chance event. No direction. No conscious control of the process.

And even if there would have been any conscious control possible beforehand about what I would be going to think about, would there have been any difference in the outcomes of the “thinking” process as well? I mean, if I had wanted to think about planning my future instead of thinking about what to write in todays blog, would there have been any difference in my thinking process? I guess not. I think the same process would have happened and thoughts would have just popped up all by themselves in the same random fashion. What I would have done is let those go of those thoughts that had nothing to do with what I wanted to “think about” (my future in this example) after quick evaluation and making the conscious decision that were not relevant for the topic at hand (my future). But again, is this really “thinking” like in an active process that can be directed? I don’t think so. We cannot know in advance which thoughts we will have. We cannot decide what we will think about next. We can only judge our thoughts and decide to keep the ones we like and let the others go. The ones we decide to keep we can collect and put into a story that we then can talk and write about. But this “thinking process” is nothing else than a random collection of memories (thoughts) that have been assembled into a nice (or not so nice) story. The “thinking” of thoughts is not a conscious and active process that can be directed in any way. Thus the outcomes of such “thinking” are pretty much undetermined, except for the fact that they usually show us what we have experienced or learned in the past. Because thoughts are memories. The Free Online Dictionary has two definitions of the word “thinking”: (1) opinion or judgment (2) the process of thought. What is the process of thought? I don’t think such a process exists. Except perhaps as in allowing memories to pop up and filter them. But can we, really, come up with a thought we have never have had before? Tell me if you can. Because I could not.

And because we cannot really come up with any brand new thought on our own, we go read and talk and experience. This way, we collect more memories that we can then assemble in various ways into new and nice packages called “my thoughts”. But what kind of process is this? It is certainly not directed and I am wondering how people like Einstein (to take one example) has come up with new thoughts (like his Theory of Relativity). I am certain he did not have a thought like “oh, well, lets think about something new today. Perhaps Relativity?” Probably not. It was just an accident. A random event that luckily he decided not to let go of.

So when we think, aren’t we actually not just going through our memories (our personal experiences and what we have learned from others)? And does not then the individuality of each person come in through the unique set of collected memories each one of us has? And don’t we make decisions by choosing those memories (thoughts) that seem to serve our needs best? And isn’t our judgment done by projecting the outcome into the future based on what has happened in similar situations in the past? And aren’t these memories (thoughts) we have about life and this world what defines us as a person? Are we our thoughts? Are we our memories? Is that all we are? And is this why nothing ever changes in our lives?

Just think about this. For example, if we REMEMBER (not “think”) that we once touched a stove and got burned because it was hot, we will probably project this experience into the future and DECIDE to never touch a stove again (because we don’t want to get burned again). Or at least we will be very cautious. And of course we also tell everyone else to not touch a stove because it will burn them. So nobody ever touches a stove (look up the “100ds monkey effect”). The problem is that we do this will all experiences. If we once got “burned” by an experience (love relationships, getting ridiculed for speaking the truth, or what have you), we will not want to repeat this experience again (love somebody or speak the truth again) and thus avoid similar situations. And if we now consider for a moment past experiences (now memories) that tell us “I need a job to survive”, “I need to keep my mouth shut”, “I need to be better than my competitors”, “I need to think about myself first”, “I cant do this”, “this in not right”, etc., etc., then it becomes quite obvious why we will never really change. After all, we KNOW how things “really” are, don’t we? So we keep doing the things we always did. Until perhaps some day we learn something new through experience (our own or others). And then, if we thus believe that change is possible, we might want to give it a try and touch the stove again. Just to find out that this one is not hot. Meaning some stoves can be touched without getting burned, we might not need a job to survive, we don’t need to always compete with others and we can perhaps be even compassionate with other people without getting burned or hurt.

And how did we learn this again? Not through thinking. But through experience (our own or that of others). And this is why I find it very important to exchange ideas and experiences. Reading about the experiences others have made can help us all so very much. Connecting with people in the forums and blogs is a tremendous opportunity for learning. But staying in our minds and turning random memories around and around and call it thinking does not get us anywhere. We need to connect and share our experiences and what we have learned through them. This is what I realized today while I was waiting for some thought to arrive that I could write down in this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reading and communicating with others is a waste of time and distracts me from “living my life” the way I want without realizing the tremendous opportunity for change that lies in learning about the experiences others have made and that all that is required for changing myself (including my habits) is to regard their experiences as valid and as something that I could do as well rather than “thinking” my old thoughts over and over, disregarding those of others because only I know what is true, and thus never change at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my thoughts and experiences over those of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others regarding their behaviors, especially if they are not in line with mine or difficult to understand, without realizing that others might have had completely different experiences than the ones I have had in life and which then has caused them to act the way they did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive and judge others for their actions as I did not realize the true cause for this.

I commit myself to abandon judgment of others based on what they “think” and how they act without ever looking at their particular life experiences and then try to understand these first before making any judgment about them.

I commit myself to learn from others by looking at their life’s experiences with an open mind and without judgment because I realize that could have been my own and are just as valid as mine.

I commit myself to keep writing this blog even if I don’t have a clear picture what to write about and even it i don’t always see what purpose it might have.



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KellyPosey
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby KellyPosey » 10 Feb 2013, 08:26

Cool Axel, enjoying reading your blog! Thanks for sharing yourself, I definitely can relate to many points



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Anna
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 10 Feb 2013, 10:11

Thanks for sharing Axel. Very cool indeed.



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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 11 Feb 2013, 03:35

Day 4: Full Stop!

I need to critically evaluate what I wrote so far. I am not sure if I did the right thing jump starting my JTL blog so quickly. When I look over what I wrote it does not make sense anymore and I don't feel comfortable with it. I will keep my posts here in this forum but decided to take off my blog for now until I understand more fully what was happening here. Maybe it was just to early to start the JTL blog. Beginning with yesterday I feel I had and have nothing to say. Maybe I never had and this is all a delusion or an illusion. I am very confused at this point and need a break.



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Carrie
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Carrie » 11 Feb 2013, 06:35

Great writing here, Axel. And yes, many of us can relate with what you're sharing.
I need to critically evaluate what I wrote so far. I am not sure if I did the right thing jump starting my JTL blog so quickly. When I look over what I wrote it does not make sense anymore and I don't feel comfortable with it. I will keep my posts here in this forum but decided to take off my blog for now until I understand more fully what was happening here. Maybe it was just to early to start the JTL blog. Beginning with yesterday I feel I had and have nothing to say. Maybe I never had and this is all a delusion or an illusion. I am very confused at this point and need a break.
I have found that I often experience an uncomfortableness when I'm going into 'unknown territory'. Marlen once described it as leaving one's Comfort Zone. When our minds come to a place where we have not been before it's as though we say, "Ahh ... I don't know what to expect here ... This is not something that I can recall an experience with. I'm just going to walk away from this." Suggest to, if you are able, to breath through this experience and continue writing!

When I first started walking with Desteni, going through the material, writing, self-forgiving, and joined the forum, I found that I became extremely overwhelmed - it was if everything was coming at me all at once and I could not put everything together in one moment. I have notes upon notes from that time and it's pretty cool to look back to where I started and see where I am now. I remember someone from the Forum sharing with me: It seems like a lot right now but it DOES get easier. -- And it did.

So yes - I see that you're doing great here. Breath, push through the resistance, and be patient with yourself as you sort yourself out.



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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 11 Feb 2013, 19:04

Thanks for you comment and support Carrie. During the first two days there was a ton of information coming through and I also took very many notes about that. Is is unfamiliar territory and it is indeed totally unclear to me where this all might go. I believe there is something cooking inside me that was/is seeking for an outlet. And if this is what it is, I might pick up with my writing again. But right now I am very confused and this a good sign in a way since it is in itself nothing I would ever have expected. We'll see if I have the guts to push through.

Thanks again,
Axel



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Anna
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 11 Feb 2013, 20:46

Hi Axel.

Yes - definitely suggest to slow down and make sure that you're walking-with yourself and not trying to out-run yourself. lol

Though also with this process, I mean we're all total babies in this. None of us have every really been self-honest or got to know ourselves ever in this world. So once we actually do stop for a moment and have a look at what is inside us it is daunting to say the least. So suggest to simply be patient with yourself. You can push if you see you're making excuses or complying to fear. It's a decision no one can make but you.



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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 11 Feb 2013, 21:23

Good point, Anna ;-) I guess we just can't outrun ourselves really. We are what we are and this has to be figured out and understood. Thanks for your comment and your support here too.



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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 11 Feb 2013, 21:49

Good point, Anna ;-) I guess we just can't outrun ourselves really. We are what we are and this has to be figured out and understood. Thanks for your comment and your support here too.
Cool Axel.




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