Axel's Journey to Life

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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 12 Feb 2013, 02:23

I reopened my blog again.

Day 4: Fear of Desteni and of being discovered

http://axelsjourneytolife.wordpress.com ... iscovered/

Thanks for all who commented and supported me in this.



Marlen
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Marlen » 12 Feb 2013, 03:55

Hey Axel, cool you've decided to 'reopen' it, it is quite normal to go into confusion and all forms of resistance to share, I dealt with that point for a loooong time actually, wherein I would write in a blog wherein I knew that not many people would search for my writings and essentially feared such point for about a year or so. I definitely learned from others in how they were able to openly share about themselves, which I did but till was reluctant to share openly wherein 'friends and family' could read myself. Even now that thought may rear its head from now and then, so it is a matter of always realizing that we are doing this for ourselves and not anyone else.

Also cool that you are able to see in Self Honesty your starting point within being a member of a group instead of simply beginning to apply tools to get to know you and precisely debunk/ dissect/ explore who you are within every single desire, idea, belief, yearning, resistance, fear, etc. That's what writing is about, and once that the 'standards' of what we believe our writing should be about are left aside, what remains is you, typing the hell out of yourself with the directive commitment to make of any inner experience a point of self reflection wherein we go developing common sense and self honesty: Who am I within these words? how can I assist and support myself to let go of this limitation and fear and how can I practically re-direct it toward a best for all outcome? And that's a learning process.

As it has been mentioned, patience, taking one thing at a time, moment by moment, discovering you through your words is most certainly a self directed decision wherein everything and everyone else dissolves from being an uncomfortable shadow and all that is here is you, the rawness of yourself, the experience of your day, the insights, the inner conflicts or over-indulgences and that is it.

Another point to consider is that each individual's process is unique and as such, comparing one's writings is in essence like trying to compare two trees in order to make a value-system to them in any possible way, which is ludicrous. So, having said all of this, I suggest also looking at the most prominent fears with regards to writing/ getting to See You in fact, because I realized that I would also fear what 'others would say' and this obviously only turned out to be myself, my mind and the judgment I held toward everything that I was writing out. So that's also a point to consider: self responsibility when we project fears onto others.

As a last point, please copy+paste your text here so we can all read here as well and comment/quote etc if and when required.

Enjoy writing yourself, breathe and debunk any resistance, fear or avoidance toward facing you as your own words.

Thanks for sharing.



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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 12 Feb 2013, 04:26

Thanks Marlen. Being self honest is indeed a big, BIG, step. But who would not be interested in getting to know oneself from the inside out, and INCLUDING all our fears? Thanks for your comment.

And following your suggestion, I copy the entire post below:

Day 4: Fear of Desteni and of being discovered

http://axelsjourneytolife.wordpress.com ... iscovered/

After three days of writing my Journey to Life blog, I had a major breakdown on day 4, which was yesterday. I made it barely through day 3 but on day 4 the tower collapsed. I was not sure anymore why I was writing this blog at all, why I was writing such nonsense (as it suddenly seemed to be), and what I was actually trying to achieve here. I really felt bad not only about having started this process but also about openly sharing my writing. So I closed down my blog yesterday and stopped the process. All I wanted at that point was not bothering anymore and feel good again. Thus I gave into my usual distractive behavior of relaxing in front of the TV and not bothering about anything anymore.

But this did not feel good either. I was totally confused now and had to find out what was going on. So one day later, which is today, I began to again reflect on this unexpected fear attack that made me close down my new Journey to Life blog so suddenly yesterday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself trying to push my agenda through writing my Journey to Life blog in an attempt to use the blog to convince people of how smart I actually was in that I was able to honestly self reflect on me (for which I was expecting to gain a good amount of recognition and acceptance) instead of using the blog to bring out the truth of me, no matter what my family and friends would think or if anyone would care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that some of my friends could perhaps find this blog and think I went completely nuts to (a) write such things about me and to (b) hook up with a group like Desteni. Even though I do believe that most of my “friends” (except one maybe) already think that I went completely nuts, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest to myself about the Desteni message as I now realize that I am not standing fully behind all of the materials presented under the Desteni cover but was afraid to honestly say so, and that I still have doubts here and there about some of it, mostly because it shakes my current view of myself, life, and reality to the core.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my doubts about the Desteni material affect my writing. I commit myself to remain self-honest under all circumstances, which first and foremost means to be self-honest with myself in the realization that I do not have to align with or believe all of the Desteni materials in order to keep writing my Journey to Life blog. I commit myself to continue the process of writing, which I find to be extremely helpful. I thus forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my writing, which is worthwhile in itself, is independent of the Desteni message and all the material presented under its cover. I however commit myself to further study the Desteni materials in honesty and commit myself to not accept any of it purely on faith value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself trying to push my writing too far too quickly in an attempt to gain recognition as a valuable member of the Desteni group and all its members.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie through my writing in order to align more properly with the Desteni message so that I would become an accepted and valued member of this group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice self-honesty in my process of daily writing in order to become an accepted member of the Desteni group and thus NOT look at everything, in honesty, that was showing up, including looking at my current beliefs and standing up for them even though they might not be in alignment with Desteni and especially for NOT looking carefully at what happened with my feelings and emotions when I was actually trying to deconstruct my beliefs through the process of writing.



Marlen
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Marlen » 12 Feb 2013, 05:39

I commit myself to continue the process of writing, which I find to be extremely helpful. I thus forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my writing, which is worthwhile in itself, is independent of the Desteni message and all the material presented under its cover. I however commit myself to further study the Desteni materials in honesty and commit myself to not accept any of it purely on faith value.
Exactly, that's a practical self-direction indeed, to not make it something that is 'beyond' yourself, but take what is practical, applicable and/or supportive to understand processes that we have never been educated about - such as our 'nature,' how our mind works, why we are stopping emotions and feelings and so forth, which are basic points to begin with and that are all available in the FAQ sectionof the website if you want to dig further.

Let's keep walking - and enjoy



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Carrie
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Carrie » 12 Feb 2013, 09:20

Cool support, Marlen.

Glad to see you're writing again, Axel. Very much enjoying reading your process.



Maya
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Maya » 12 Feb 2013, 09:35

Cool Alex,
When we fall, it takes self will to stand up again and as long as one give in and give up on oneself, the harder it would be to stand up again. So cool you time looped for 24 hours and were able to still question and investigate yourself.

In terms of you and Desteni - as you said, it's not about Desteni or the Desteni Members that should be your starting point - it is to investigate all things for yourself and assist and support yourself to transform from Mind Expression to Physical Expression. Believing in the Desteni message is useless and its nothing but another form of creating a religion out of the Desteni Message instead of sticking to the only thing that is important and valued which is to practically applying the tools - Writing, Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective application/commitments.

If you haven't already, i suggest reading through the Blog Series that i wrote - The Correction Process and The Desteni Message

here are some more links to understand the difference between Honesty and Self Honesty:
2010: Where Self-Honesty Begins - Bernard
The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 8) - Day 205
The difference between Honesty and Self Honesty - Maya
2011 Honesty Vs Self-Honest - Paul
2012 Journey To Life Review: Honesty VS Self-Honesty - Viktor
Honesty vs Self-Honesty - The Secret of Man Know Thyself - Bella
Honesty Vs Self-Honesty - Joao Jesus



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Axel
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Axel » 12 Feb 2013, 15:42

Thanks for the links, Maya. I started reading them and also sent you a few comment on your blog. Very interesting and helpful reads indeed.



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Anna
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 12 Feb 2013, 21:44

Awesome support here.

Axel - grateful you are here!



Maya
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Maya » 13 Feb 2013, 09:29

Thanks for the links, Maya. I started reading them and also sent you a few comment on your blog. Very interesting and helpful reads indeed.
Here are your questions on my blog:
Axel has left a new comment on your post "The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Pa...":

Once we see and accept the state of the world and "make it okay, within and as oneself", do we then really have the free choice between (a) leaving it at that and go with our lives in self-interest or (b) try to manifest change that is best for all? I mean, how do we make this choice in and as ourselves even? Do have "free choice" in this or are we even here following some deeper urge, some pre-programmed or inherent value system that resides inside of us, our "true nature", our souls calling, or whatever we want to call it. Is there really a free choice in anything we do?

But perhaps it is not even a relevant question if we have free choice or not. Isn't it just a question of what we chose, no matter if its free or not? Which of course also raises the next question: who and what are we if don't have free choice at all.
It all comes down to Self honesty. If one see the Problems of this world, one could see in self honesty, one's responsibility and accountability within the creation of the manifested problems and therefor, one would take responsibility in doing what ever possible to be done to correct the problem. Free choice for Real, is an absolute expression self Honesty which one develop as one walk one's process out of the mind and into the Physical. Only when one investigate all things and take absolute responsibility within a process of correction and prevention, one can discover the actuality of Free choice. As Jack once said - there is really one Free Choice - to either become self honest or not. Does that make sense?



With your Other perspective on the Organic robot, i will have to first investigate the link you shared to be able to reply.



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Bella
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Re: Axel's Journey to Life

Postby Bella » 13 Feb 2013, 20:32

Cool sharings Axel, thank you!




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