Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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viktor
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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 382: How To Be Creative In The Mundane
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... e-mundane/

I have always enjoyed expanding myself. If I take on a new hobby, I want to bring it to the next level. Usually I am not satisfied with keeping my skills basic – I want to find ways to improve and move beyond what I initially foresaw.

I experience this drive to move and expand as an excitement and exhilaration. What I have found is that I oftentimes channel this expression into the mind. I will then create various plans, visions and dreams as to how I want to expand in the future. It can for example be that I want to read a book, or I want to take part of a course. Before I had children, I could sometimes realize these plans, because I had the time to do so. At the moment however, I have little time on my hands, and when these expressions come through, I seldom have the opportunity to act on them through one of my hobbies or interests. Sometimes I do not even have the time to channel the energy into my mind and make up plans about what I am going to do.

Because of this I have found and experimented with a solution for a week now. When the expression of wanting to expand comes up within me I now channel it into my daily living, into what I am doing HERE in my life currently. I have realized that there are several aspects and parts of my life where I am not as developed as I could be. For example, doing the dishes. How many of us put extra effort into learning how to wash dishes? I know that I have not. Washing dishes is something that I want be over and done with so that I can proceed to do something that interests me. I have started to question this mentality as well – why should my interest in things determine the amount of effort I put into an activity?

Back to the point. When I feel the desire to expand, I channel the desire into developing/creating an aspect of myself that I am busy living here. I have thus channeled this desire into cleaning up after I have cooked or doing the dishes, or simply walking. There are many ways that I can walk. If I walk without presence and effort I tend to slouch. If I put effort into walking, pushing myself to walk the best way I am able to, I walk with presence and direction. There is a completely different feel to myself and my human physical body. The same happens when I put effort into doing the dishes or cleaning up after myself. When I do it with attention, direction and presence, I experience myself differently, and the results are much better.

Thus, what I have realized is that the desire to expand is best put into practice into daily living. When the energy is used to build visions and dreams of the future it can easily become castles of sand – and no solid and physical expansion is ever manifested.

Hence – for all parents out there that feel they have too much creative juices and no time to channel it into their passions – this method can be useful.

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viktor
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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Structure – A Key to Freedom
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... o-freedom/

Structure – the word I have been practicing in my life now for a while. I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my findings and insights when it comes to living structure.

Initially I related the word structure to schedules, almanacs etc., and did not view the word as particularly useful in any other context. I also felt that structure was something that limited my creative expression – and that it took away freedom. Thus I have had a bit of a conflictual relationship with the word. Similarly I have had to walk a process to be able to walk in this current money system without reacting towards it – and feeling like the stiff structure and routine of the system pulls me down into a state of too much structure.

At this stage however I feel comfortable with the word – and as I walked the process of understanding it and integrating it into my life – I have realized that structure is everywhere and that is supportive. I have seen that having a structure allows for self-directed creative freedom, while having complete creative freedom without a structure invites lack of direction, loss of overview/focus/movement; it becomes expression without a foundation – and in most cases the results are not good.

Let us take the example of cooking. If I start to cook without a structure – for example – I just haphazardly mix the ingredients and I decide to roast them all in the oven for the same duration of time – I will not be able to create an effective meal. Cooking is a perfect example of a physical expression that rests heavily on a structured foundation – the physics of taste/texture/nutrition – and yet – it is an expression that allows for a wide array of experimentation and creative freedom.

It is the same with music. If I am unfamiliar with the instrument or musical theory it is going to be very difficult for me to improvise or compose my own songs. And sure, I will have complete freedom to play the instrument in any way I desire, but what is the use of that if I am not able to create pieces of music that I enjoy? With a basic structure, knowledge of the instrument and the notes it can produce, it is going to be different. I can now create melodic music yet still be creative, explore and investigate what new sounds and expressions I am able to produce.

Thus, used rightly structure does not quell creativity – it instead supports and enhances it. However there has to be a balance. Too much structure will lead to rigidity. Structure is in its nature predefined, constant, and impermeable to whims of the moment. Though oftentimes it is those spontaneous outbursts that bring through the flavor, the individuality, the joy and pleasure. Thus structure in itself is not the aim – it is the means. It is a stable support from which I am able to move into new expressions and experiences – the ground that I am able to get back to when I have lost myself in the boundlessness of creative freedom.

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viktor
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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 384: Expansion and Opportunity
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... portunity/

Expansion and opportunity – for me these are words connected with movement, the future, dreaming, challenges, distant countries and places and discovering things. I tend to look at expansion and opportunity as a point that is not yet here – however it could be here if I just participate in that thought, vision, imagination and idea of the future – then my life could be filled with expansion and opportunity.

The consequence of this kind of thinking is that everyday life lacks expansion and opportunity – because these experiences/words are projected into the future/mind. Instead of having my focus HERE and spotting where there is room for expansion and where there are opportunities opening up – I am wandering in my mind looking at the illusions of opportunities presented.

However – the thing with the mind is that it never gets real. And when we are able to realize our dreams and imaginations it is never the way we imagined it – and that is because the mind is not designed to be a guide to reality – it is designed to be a trap – a place where we forget ourselves and our lives to be entertained by pictures, feelings and emotions.

I used to go online and search for and read about online courses. Sometimes I would apply and get admitted – though usually I would remain at the level of only reading. I realized that this behavior was an addiction. I was addicted to the energy of imagining myself learning and expanding in a new education. It was not about actual expansion, it was about the idea of expansion. Real expansion happens in a real time moment. It happens here. Thus what I have started to do is to move this energy of expansion into my physical life here. When this desire to imagine comes up within me, I move myself back here, and look at how I am able to expand what I am doing right here, and right now. And regardless of where I am, or what I am doing, there is always something to expand upon.

For example, cooking, it is something that I do many times a day. Usually I have not given it much thought or energy – I just go through the motions and try to achieve a meal that is good enough to be eaten. Though I realized that the time I spend cooking is a moment that I can use to expand. I am able to improve on my cooking skills. I can learn to chop vegetables better, I can learn more about the nutritional value of the ingredients and how they effect my body. There is a ton of dimensions to cooking that I have not yet developed a relationship with. Hence – I started to expand this relationship. I started living expansion for real in my relationship with cooking – and that was a big difference.

Thus, it is easy to through the mind create an experience of expansion, or dream about expansion. That feeling will never get real. To have expansion in your life as a reality – you have to push yourself to make something more out of the daily and recurring events in your life.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 386: Some Points On Structure
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... structure/

A cross-reference that I use to see when I am opening up new words/expressions is urges to buy things. When such desires arise within me, nearly each time, it is because I am living/creating a new word/expression within me, and because I have not myself recognized and taken charge over the process – the mind steps in and channels the expression that is opening up into the mind – which translates into wanting to buy things.

This time a desire has come up to buy camping equipment, such as rain-clothes, backpack and walking shoes. Initially I was confused as to why I suddenly desired these things. However, slowly, I realized that these things represented preparation, scheduling and structure to me. Because when you go for a camping trip in nature – you have to be prepared – all things must be considered and packed – when you are out in the woods it is too late. Thus you have to make sure that you think about everything beforehand.

I have worked a lot with these words, preparation, scheduling and structure – and with taking care of my daughter and learning to practice law – they have become more significant. For example with my daughter. If we are to go for a trip somewhere – I have to make sure to bring all the things that I need to change diapers, to prepare a quick meal and supply shelter if it becomes to cold. I also have to make sure that I initiate/start at the right time, at the scheduled time, because otherwise it will interfere with my daughters sleeping routines and mess things up. It is pretty intricate, and it surely helps me in my process of learning to apply/live these words in my day to day living.

When I was younger I looked at preparation, scheduling and structure as words that limits and contains me. I understood freedom to be the opposite and I thought that in order to be free, I had to be completely flexible, completely open to anything that might happen, ready to change myself and my mind at any moment. This also suited my, at that time, absent minded personality. It was not difficult at all to only have to consider my needs for the moment. It took no effort and it felt good. Obviously, from what I understand now, freedom is not the absence of structure – and that in order to live in this world effectively – I have to take notice of what is in my reality and prepare/plan/structure my living – otherwise I will walk into unnecessary consequences.

Thus, instead of buying these things that represent my expansion when it comes to structure/planning/preparation/scheduling – I am going to define these words for myself more specifically. Firstly – what I am able to see is that expressing myself as these words requires time – I need to slow down and carefully look at the situation at is ahead of me. I need to study and ponder the various choices I have. Secondly, I see that even though it is not necessary, it is supportive for me to write down my structure/plan/preparation/schedule. If I keep it in my mind, it becomes easily lost or distorted. When I put it in writing – I can remember the details and also discover flaws/issues in my planning.

I also see that structure/planning/preparation/scheduling is a form of meta-application. It cannot be bound to any one form of expression – rather these are supportive or necessary skills to have in almost any type of venture. Furthermore – I enjoy the process of planning/preparing. One example is using an hour or two each week to sit down and prepare for what to eat during the week ahead. In order to do it effectively I have to check what kind of food is available, the duration of each recipe, whether my daughter or wife will be able to eat the food, what kind of tools/utensils that I might need – it is challenging. And the reward comes through later – while doing the actual work – because with a plan/structure – everything becomes so much easier.

I will continue to push structure/planning/preparation/scheduling in my life and see how I can expand my expression/standing with regards to these words.

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viktor
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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 387: Creating My Own Value
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... own-value/

I have been researching a couple of interesting points lately that has to do with self-value, self-authority and self-leadership. This investigation started because of a series of fear as well as desire reactions that came up in my work. The fears has been centered around some form of failure that would lead to the consequence of not anymore being able to work in the field I have chosen. The desire reactions has been centered on completing some form of formal education that would allow me to add another merit to the list.

I started by applying self-forgiveness on the fears – which opened up the underlying reasons. One of these reasons was the belief/idea that I am not naturally valuable/successful and thus fear is something that I must use to push/will myself forward else I will make a mistake and slip back into my normal mode of being. Another reason was that belief that I need to prove myself to others, especially my parents, and receive compliments, excel their expectations, else I will not have any value. These reasons also showed me why formal education triggers a positive response within me. Formal education is the perfect way to show to others that I am good at something and that I have a particular set of qualifications. It is set up like a scene, where I have to behave in a certain way, to receive approval and if I move outside of the boundaries of the script – I will receive disapproval. Thus the concept of formal education is limited – because it moves me into a direction that has been scripted by someone else – and it is not a development/evolution that is allowed to flow naturally according to where I need to/want to develop/learn/expand.

The similar is true about wanting to achieve success/value in the eyes of others, by for example, career. In order to achieve that success/value I have to follow a scripted path – my own idea/understanding of what I am required to do and where I am required to go in order to increase my success/value in the eyes of others. It might be that I have to acquire a certain type of job or specialization. It might be that I have to work in a particular city or with certain people. The principle is that I must find out or create some belief within me as to what I perceive others look at as success/value and then move myself to achieve that idea. It also also limiting – and I have to follow a scripted path. A path that is not scripted/directed/created by myself and that does not take into consideration what I would like to do – or what I see would support me to expand and grow as an individual – or what I see would allow me to give/share/support others the best way. Rather – the aim and drive is about achieving an idea and picture that I can show up to others to feel successful/valuable.

The issue can be found in how I have defined success/value. At the moment – these words are separate from me. I achieve them by being praised by others. I have no personal connection to these words – and thus – instead of looking at my life through with my own self-designed values – I look at them with values I have copied from others.

The solution is to redefine the words success and value – to make these words intimate and personal.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define success and value separate from myself as something that I need/require to have from someone else – and think that I am not allowed to define my own success/value – that I am not allowed to tell myself when I have success/value – and make my own decisions in life as to what is success and value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive to have others to define me as successful/valuable – and think that I am not good enough to live success/value – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and desire to achieve success/value – to hope that someone will notice me and give me these experiences – instead of me deciding upon – and living these words for myself – deciding upon what success and value is to me – and then creating these words in my life

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to redefine and specify success and value to myself – to decide what these words means to me and then live them in my life

I commit myself to create success and value in my life instead of waiting to have someone recognize me as successful and valuable

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viktor
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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 388: Lack of Time – Hell or Gift?
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... l-or-gift/

This week has been pretty hectic. A lot to do at work and many things to tend to at home. Time for my own projects and interests is a rarity and action is required when there is an opportunity – else – there is simply not enough time. In a way – it is supportive – time scarcity helps me to act – live – move – and not use my time unnecessarily – for example by indulging in entertainment. It also assists and supports me to push my self-agreement – because now I must find my primary source pleasure and enjoyment in things/activities such as work/responsibilities/chores etc, aka things that I would rather not be doing.

It is challenging, but it can be made enjoyable to live with pressure with regards to time. What makes the difference is how I approach it. The same goes for most type of problems. It can either be an issue – or it can be a gift – it all depends on what I decide to do – how I decide to be in relation to the challenge that is ahead of me. A responsibility can either be a tedious must-do – or an opportunity for me to expand and learn a new skill.

One example that is relevant for me at the moment is housekeeping work. It is very important that this responsibility is tended to. Housekeeping keeps the members of the family fed, clothed, healthy – supplied with a clean and organized environment. Without the basic needs of food, clothing, a hygienic environment – it becomes impossible to live a fulfilling life. Even so – housekeeping tends to be given a backseat. We look at it as a unfortunate necessity – something that we have to do – but that we rather would not like to be doing. It is strange – considering the importance of it. We do not attach the value to housekeeping that it deserves – I usually see cleaning and tending to my house as a nuisance – and a blockage I have to get around in order to move towards the things I really would like to get involved within.

For me – this value dissonance is something that I have created through connecting feelings and emotions to the activity instead of seeing the activity for what it is – and seeing the outflow of and opportunities/gifts existent within the activity. The value of the activity is measured by looking at its outflow – what type of support is created and how many lives are touched. It is impractical to use emotions and feelings to evaluate whether something is important or not – whether something should be done or not. Emotions and feelings are energy – and lacks a clear relationship to this physical reality – they just appear – either positive or negative – and for different reasons – many of us, me being one of them, associate cleaning/housekeeping to a negative emotion.

My problem with housekeeping has to do with my childhood and the relationship my parents had to chores and responsibilities – that I imprinted. My parents associated cleaning with stress, boredom, irritation and forcefulness – when it was time to clean – my mother used to become hard and authoritative – and I used to be ordered harshly to participate in some way. I never experienced housekeeping as fun or valuable – it was instead pictured as a necessary evil – a thing that we had to do – but that we did not really want to do. I also came to associate cleaning with conflicts, anger and irritation. This was because my mother would become irritated at my father because he did not clean as much as she did. It was a mess.

Instead of seeing cleaning as a unwelcome burden it can be experienced/seen as an opportunity to be grateful for and connect with all the various things in my home that supports me in my life. It can also be seen as an opportunity to practice self-movement – physical awareness of my body – where I train myself to move with full awareness of all the details of my physical body. It is also an opportunity to practice specificity and precision. How exact am I able to become in how I structure, define, nurture and care for my environment? How exact am I able to become in my relationship with the things that I own? Do all of the things I own have a clear and specific purpose in my life and do I care for them effectively?

What I have found in my process thus far is that the most support is many times found in that which I resist. Housekeeping is one of those points. It can easily be glanced over. However when I look at the opportunities and gifts that can be lived in this simple and rudimentary task – I see that I have not pursued cleaning/housekeeping the way I could have. There is still a lot to be explored and developed in this area of my life. And that is great – because given my current time constraints – I need to be able to develop enjoyment/expansion in ALL parts of my life – and not only the parts that I naturally enjoy.

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viktor
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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 390: The Natural Rhythm of Breath
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... of-breath/

I have listened to a couple of Eqafe interviews cover the topic of temperature this week:

Temperature: The Origins of Temperature – Earth, Nature, and Weather
Temperature: Purification Through Heat and Cold – Earth, Nature, and Weather
Temperature: Quantum Breathing and the Rhythm of Life – Earth, Nature, and Weather

They were insightful and fascinating and I can recommend them. There was especially one part that covered rhythm and breath that I found interesting. When I first started process I was shown the four count breath. You breath in counting to four, hold, breath out counting to four, and hold – and then you restart. It was a effective method to become aware of my breathing. As I developed my relationship to my body and breath I realized that the four count breath did not fit for me – as it was not aligned with my natural rhythm of breathing – and hence I decided to practice awareness of breath without counting – and that is where I am today.

What was shared in the interview confirmed to me that there is such a thing as a rhythm of breath and that we all have our individual and specific rhythm. The four count breath assists with realizing the importance of breath – though the real rhythm of breathing is something that can only be found by ourselves.

I was also reminded of how important it is the develop my relationship with the physical. It is easy to become enveloped and the constant chatter that is provided by the mind – and then forget the awesome opportunities that are here in every moment to develop and create a bond with the physical body. Each breath is an opportunity to refine and push my presence in the physical – and a opportunity to instead of being part of the irrelevant chatter of the mind – be here and get to know what is real.

Developing presence in the physical is challenging. At some points it feels as the mind struggles and fights – and all of these seemingly important things to look at and think about pops up. That is when I utilize the tools of self-forgiveness and writing. Sometimes that is the only way to bring myself back to stability – all of the things within me has to get out – has to be directed. To only focus on breath and deny the issues that repeatedly comes through within is not progression but suppression. That is why meditation and silencing the mind alone will not be enough – we have to locate our weaknesses and change them – and the mind is very effective at locating our weak spots.

If there is a point where the mind is able to penetrate – it will push and eventually get through. Taking myself as an example – I have a couple of points – fear of money being one – that I have consequently fallen on. Hence – from the perspective I am grateful that the mind is with me – because if I am not clear on a point within me – I will fall into the chatter, the emotions and feelings – and I will believe it is real.

There are spiritual directions that advocates only looking at the thoughts, however letting them go, or, focusing on breath and not at all allowing oneself to be distracted by thoughts. Both of these paths are ineffective – because the thoughts and the mind is not the enemy – it is the collected library of me and it will reveal what I need to work with. Each and every thought reveals a point that requires to be directed. Hence – when a point comes up – I recognize it – and if there is time – I take a look at its origins and speak a self-forgiveness statement within. If there is not time – I look at it later. A supportive practice I have found is to look at and work with what comes up within me either when I lay to sleep at night – or when I have just woken up in the morning.

The interviews I mentioned in the beginning supported me to open up and look at my relationship to breath and they reminded me of how important it is to develop a stable presence of breath.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 392: Reminders and Motivation
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... otivation/

One point that I have found challenging in my process is to keep pushing and finding new ways to expand in times when things are working alright. This is probably true with most areas of life. When everything is fine – there is no need to put in any extra effort to make things better. Its easy that the vision of what we want to creates becomes blurred by the comfortableness of every-day life. Thus – one of the things we can do to assist and support ourselves to us on track and moving towards the future we want, both for ourselves, and everyone else, is to use reminders.

For me personally, my greatest support is a document that I have created on my computer, where I have listed the direction and goals of my life and specified areas of improvement. From time to time I revisit the document to look at what I want for myself. Then I can see in writing my own direction – and it becomes evident to me where I have slackened, and where I do not push myself sufficiently. I do this not only with goals in my external reality, but also goals in my process – such as what kind of person I want to become, what kind of stability I want to have within me, what kind of life I want to give to myself and those around me – what words I want to live. That is one of the beauties of writing – when memory fails – writing does not – it always remains the same – from the moment it has been written.

Thus keeping a list as the one mentioned above is a powerful support to remind me of what I want to achieve – it does however not support in creating a motivation to realize and fulfill those points. That motivation and drive must be found elsewhere. In my case – I draw motivation from the process and challenge of expansion – especially with my external reality – I find joy in walking the demanding path of manifesting a creation. Even if the act is rudimentary – let us say that I have made it a goal for myself to keep my house in a certain condition and that I this have to clean it – I can make the act of cleaning in itself become expansive and enjoyable by placing focus on how I am able to improve and expand on the small aspects of the skill.

There is literally room for expansion everywhere and likewise joy to be found in most parts of life – though in order to see it – we have to be present – HERE – and willing to push through the initial resistances. If I take cleaning again – there are several aspects of this act that I can utilize to bring through motivation and within me:

1. I can focus on improving my cleaning, becoming more specific, exact and detailed,
2. I can place attention on the results – how I am creating the life I want with my hands,
3. I can use the time to develop a relationship and gratefulness to my home and my possessions – revisiting them and seeing in what shape and condition they are in,
4. I can develop body awareness by using the movements and applications of cleaning as a way to feel myself, my body, my breath, and my environment, the shape, the texture, the experience of everything.

With this list I want to show that it is possible to find a spark of self within most aspects of our life – we can find that speck of excitement and build on it and use it to develop a deep and recurring motivation, movement and direction. It is all about our starting point.

One common problem that many of us face is that we wait for motivation to come to us instead of us creating it. This is particularly true when it comes to work and career. It is commonly accepted that we must find and focus upon a career that we experience excitement and joy towards. However, what is not considered is that there are many of us that are not able to find joy in any career or work – it is simply not in our make up. Those of us in that position tend to wait for motivation to come to us – to wait for the right career to open up. Though waiting for that magical day is not a solution – in my experience – that day never comes. I have found that I have to create my own joy, my own motivation within what I do – I must establish my drive – my reason. This perspective is empowering – because it places the power to create into my own hands – instead of waiting – I decide to create. Instead of waiting to find – I define.

Thus to me – I see motivation as something I must establish and create within me – and I view myself as capable of creating motivation in anything I take part in. It takes a bit of effort – though it is possible. And I do this through establishing what within what I do that I enjoy and find meaningful – and then I focus on that point and allow my expression to come through. That point can be almost anything and it is seldom immediately connected to the literal application found in a particular type of career – usually it something deeper and more intimate. Such as it the case with cleaning – it is not really the act of cleaning that I enjoy – however – I do enjoy being specific and exact with my possessions and developing a supportive and deep relationship with my home – and that is where I draw my motivation.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 393: Structures and Systems That Support
https://dreamersjourneytolife.wordpress ... t-support/

I am a bit in love with the word structure at the moment – and closely related to that word is the word system which is also a word that I am opening up in my life. These two words are powerful when applied with common sense in everyday life.

For example – in my work – I have many responsibilities stretching over a variety of different areas – and many of these responsibilities are closely tied to deadlines. There are too many responsibilities, and too many deadlines for me to remember. The only way for me to manage my responsibilities is through creating structures. And by trial and error I have established a functional structure – a system – that supports me to handle my responsibilities.

In summary – my structure/system is a data-table with all the information of a particular responsibility fed into the different columns and rows of the table. In the beginning and at the end of each week I take a closer look at this table to establish what deadlines are coming up – and thus – what responsibilities that I must tend to. During these moments I plan my week and the coming weeks by referencing my table – I project myself into the future – and assess how much time I need to be able to reach the deadlines. And then I schedule my time more thoroughly in writing for the coming week.

Then the week starts – and I am in the middle of the heat. And usually at that point – there is no time for me to take a look at the bigger picture. Deadlines and responsibilities merge into one flow – and here my structure/system/plan helps me immensely – without it I would loose myself in the waves of information and movements that occurs. However with my structure – I am settled – and when I need reference I take a look at my structure to see where it is I am going next. My movement is already decided – all that is required from me is that I animate it and put life into my structure – which practically means that I follow, that I am present and alive within my structure.

By using this system I have managed to create a comfortable and effective workflow. And I would say that is possible to create structures and systems in all areas of life that helps us to reach our best self – that removes undue pressure and hardship – because what systems and structures do is that they automatize – and they put the pressure unto physical reality. And the cool thing about physical reality is that it handles pressure without any limits. A calendar will be able to store massive amounts of information effortlessly – all that we have to do in order to utilize that potential is to create a routine where we use and counsel our calendar on a daily or weekly basis.

A mistake that I have sometimes made is that I forget the support available in structures and systems – and believe that what is important is to take action and just get things done. Thus I have in my past felt as if it is not worth my time to sit down and plan my week – because apparently I am then loosing valuable moments where I could have taken action. The reality is that this perception value is faulty. When a effective structure and system is in place – this makes the following action so much easier and faster – because I know where I am going and I know what I am doing – I can place ALL of my focus on the CREATION – instead of having to juggle between focusing on the task at hand and keeping the overview at the same time.

However – there are times when there can be too much structure – it then suffocates rather than supports with expansion. This is for example the case when tasks and responsibilities are micro-managed allowing for no creativity or flexibility. In such cases structure becomes a nuisance that creates anxiety and pressure. Hence – for me – I enjoy tasks structured with much room for flexibility, changes and unforeseen happenings. A structure or a system is a support – a means to reach an end – and not the goal in itself.

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Re: Viktors (Eng) Journey To Life

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Day 394: Creating My Self-Definition
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Last week I visited a convention and met with many new people that are walking a similar career path as I am. It was interesting because it revealed a pattern of comparison and inferiority within me. I noticed how I was comparing myself to others, in particular looking at the perceived status and importance of my job in relation to that of others. I had thoughts enter my mind that I should have decided to do something differently and that I should have ventured into a more lucrative and desired career. I should have apparently moved to a bigger city and gotten a job with one of the major employers – because then – I would have been successful.

When these thoughts came up – I took a couple of moments and applied self-forgiveness – and I realized some interesting points. Firstly – I can never really enjoy, explore and expand naturally if I am continuously focused on what others are doing. Because where am I in that equation? I will never be able to acquire a sense of ease, purpose, fulfillment and direction, if my inner vision is blurred by the movements of others. I need to have my eyes set on myself. I need to have my focus fastened in my life – otherwise – I will go astray – and I will start chasing mirages – things I believe to be important but that really are not.

And how many of us live our lives this way? We determine what we want by looking at what others want – and we determine what is important and what is not by looking at what is important for someone else. How can we ever live a meaningful life if we are a copycat?

I have realized that this pattern partly originates from inferiority. Somehow I have determined on a deep level within me that I am less than others – and that I thus need to achieve a position of status and value in the eyes of others in order to equalize that inferiority into a equality. And because I am inferior – apparently I need someone else to tell me and show me what I need to do to reach an equality. It makes no sense at all – and it creates the consequence that I will live my life to reach a point only to prove a point that nobody else cares about – not even myself.

When I chase after an idea I will forget about myself and what is important to me. And to me – on a deep level – I do not care about status – I know it is only a dream. What I care about is being of service to others. I find it enjoyable, rewarding and satisfying to genuinely care for and help someone else with their problem and to be a support for them in difficult times. To achieve a position in society is a learned desire – something that I have copied from others – and when I look at the point intently – I can see that it also has to do about satisfying my parents.

If I look back at my life – a tendency that I have had is to choose my direction haphazardly and mostly by looking at what my parents deemed to be the best route for me. It is not that I lacked interests and passions – I have always had many of those – rather what I lacked was the courage and the self-value to follow my interests and passions – to stick with them and make them part of my life on a bigger level. For example – when I was to choose the orientation of my upper secondary school – I did not look within me to determine my direction. I did not do any particular research. I settled for one of the established schools and choose the orientation that my parents had suggested. And it worked out fine – however – I find it problematic that I did not engage in the decision on a deeper level – and that I allowed myself to be satisfied with the ‘normal’ route that it seemed as if everyone else also decided upon – and that I choose it without any deeper self-reflection.

It is fascinating when I look back – because I can see that one of my issues was that I did not take the time to establish my self-definition. In many respects – I was a blank slate – and in such a condition – it was more comfortable to follow the example of everyone else and do what everyone else seemed to find the correct way to do it. To create my own path would have meant a lot of research and self-reflection – because understanding and seeing what is best for oneself is not something that just happens – it must be created. And if I bring this point of understanding back to my current life – I can see that this is something I have not done for myself. I have not yet established a life-plan – the direction I want to take in life because it is best for me. Creating such a plan would require me to firstly establish my self definition – who I am and who I want to become.

Thus – what I can learn from the reactions I experienced at this convention is that I have not yet clearly established my self-definition. This is something that I will put time into and refine for myself – so that I can stop desiring and wanting what I perceive others want – and instead walk the direction I have decided upon for myself and that I know is best for myself.

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