Tyler's Journey to Life

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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 30 Mar 2020, 00:39

The steps taken for this redefinition process can be found here: https://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3241#p18230

Illness. This is a word I see within myself that requires redefinition.

Self-Allocation Point
I believe myself to have become mentally ill at some point and thus am already, in a sense, living the word illness. This illness manifested due to drug abuse and addiction. It has become manifest as both a mis-alignment of the mind and physical within myself with a side dish of depression and the accompanying anxiety. I have experienced isolation, despair, sadness, anger, and all sorts of (mainly negative) emotions in relation to this word, as well as certain positive feelings such as superiority and righteousness.

Dictionary Definition
1. a: Sickness
b: An unhealthy condition of body or mind
2. a. Wickedness
b. Unpleasantness

Sounding of the Word
I'll- I will
nice- kindness

Investigate the Word
I have associated a negative polarity to this word. Obviously, this is different from the normal situation of polarized words people lived, as this is more a entire mind consciousness system manifestation / breakdown / misalignment. Nonetheless, I have a negative polarity associated with this word. Within looking at the sounding of the word, I broke it down into two parts: I will & kindness. Here, I define illness as the state of saying: I will be kind later. Right now, I am ill. Therefore, any manner of behavior is justified as I am not in a position of functioning normally. Of course, there have been moments where this illness I am living has been out of my control, but the point still remains: while I am under the control and spell of illness, I am unable to live kindness: only in the unproven future where I am no longer living illness will I be capable of living kindness.

One aspect of how I have lived this word is within hiding within it. There have been opportunities for me to transcend my living of the word illness that I have rejected and I have also experienced this within others who are also living illness: a certain coldness or wickedness within wanting to / doing things that cause me to remain within living the word illness.

Thus, every time I have failed to take concrete steps to transcend my illness, I am saying to my entire external reality: I will be kind later.

This explains how I've allowed myself to become homeless and resort to stealing / charity / welfare to meet my needs, as my needs still remained even as I was essentially saying: I refuse to take care of myself. Thus, instead of being nice, I was forcing others in my reality to support me.

Creative Phase
Illness is a state of being unable and/or unwilling to be kind until later.
Illness is a state of disempowerment.
Illness involves some form of manipulation, as, if you can't be nice to people, how are you to gather the resources necessary for your survival in this world?
Illness is a refusal to stand up in this world.

One aspect of how I have lived this word is within hiding within it. There have been opportunities for me to transcend my living of the word illness that I have rejected and I have also experienced this within others who are also living illness: a certain coldness or wickedness within wanting to / doing things that cause me to remain within living the word illness.

Thus, every time I have failed to take concrete steps to transcend my illness, I am saying to my entire external reality: I will be kind later.

This explains how I've allowed myself to become homeless and resort to stealing / charity / welfare to meet my needs, as my needs still remained even as I was essentially saying: I refuse to take care of myself. Thus, instead of being nice, I was forcing others in my reality to support me.

Creative Phase
Illness is a state of being unable and/or unwilling to be kind until later.
Illness is a state of disempowerment.
Illness involves some form of manipulation, as, if you can't be nice to people, how are you to gather the resources necessary for your survival in this world?
Illness is a refusal to stand up in this world.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 04 Apr 2020, 09:05

Day 33- Mind Control in a Time of Conspiracy Theories

After reading this blog post about the fears we experience within/as our own minds in relation to Conspiracy Theories, and how these fears require just as much examination as the information alleging sinister plots if we are to avoid being controlled by them, I was reminded of the oft-repeated “fact” that the word government itself translates to Mind Control (where govern- allegedly stems from the word control and -ment stems from the word for mind), as cited by Conspiracy Theorists attempting to convince themselves/others that the government was created to control the population. I always accepted this definition to be true, but took the lesson from the linked blog to investigate things for myself to verify if it is in fact so.

When I looked up the actual definition of government, however, there was no such result. Yes, govern- stems from the word for control, but there is no indication that -ment translates to mind. In actuality, -ment comes from Latin and means a concrete result.

To my surprise, I had allowed an untrue definition of a word with quite a lot of relevance to my life (after all, the government hugely influences the world within which I live) to exist within me for years.

In an ironic twist, I had allowed my own mind / my own personal reasons for wanting this definition to be true to control me / my actions in this world, all based on the fear of the government controlling my own mind!

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the government controlling my mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to not realize that fearing the government controlling my mind implies that I am controlled by my own fear existing in my own mind.

I forgive myself that for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the real mind control is my own unexamined fears, beliefs, ideas, and perceptions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by my own mind.

When and as I see myself go into action/reaction in relation to a fear, thought or idea within my own mind, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that I require to investigate my own internal infrastructure to prevent acting upon false beliefs.

I commit myself to investigate and purify my beliefs and fears so I can effectively control my own mind in the outflows and consequences I allow it to have on my life and the world.


To learn more about the skills of Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness, check out the FREE Desteni I Process 'Lite':
lite.desteniiprocess.com

Check out Desteni:
www.desteni.org

Check out the EQAFE (every question answered for everyone) existential library:
www.eqafe.com



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 08 Apr 2020, 08:13

Day 34- Painted Myself Into a Corner

Do you ever have one of those days where you do everything right and it's turning out to be an awesome day, and then one little thing goes wrong and all of a sudden you are dashed against the rocks? Then read on, this post is for you.

Today, I had one of those days. I ate healthy. I made some discoveries about myself through writing. I had a difficult encounter with someone and remained calm and stable throughout. I got some exercise. And then: it happened. The mistake.

A single, small moment where I wasn't moving slowly enough, I wasn't grounded enough in my reality and like an explosion: everything FELL apart.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that I am not grounded in my reality in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that not being grounded in my reality in every breath implies that I still have things to attend to in my physical reality, what is right here with me that I can touch, taste, and smell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not attend to the things in my physical reality that I need to attend to, and in so doing creating this physical ungroundedness that allows me to drift off in a single moment where I lose accountability for myself and ruin my day, creating ripple effects and outflows that surely must affect others in their realities, as well.

Then, after I made the mistake, I encountered ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY to change and correct myself, but I suppressed it, because it was more of a melding with other beings in my reality, which I allowed myself to create the justification in my mind was not as good as the first opportunity I had where I was alone, with myself, and was actually quite excited about what I was CREATING.

Now, I am still stuck with the unsettledness and general dissatisfaction with my reality that I initially experienced upon my first fall, but the ripple effects mean that those in my immediate vicinity are also not aligned with me and so not only am I subject to internal discomfort, but I am also dealing with loose ends that I cannot account for outside my reality.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 11 Apr 2020, 07:23

Day 35- Revisiting a Past Relationship

Here I want to look at a Memory I have related to a particular individual who I will refer to as A throughout this writing. During my college years, I became very close to A. We spent time together almost every week and it got to the point where I would hang out almost exclusively with him and my roommate. Eventually, I became so close with A that I began to envision myself spending the rest of my life with him. My affection for A wasn’t so much sexual, as I hadn’t had a homosexual encounter before that nor had I seen him express interest in men. I did imagine and fantasize about cuddling or at least holding each other as an extension of our affection for one another, but I left sex as something that could be a potential development in the future, if we both agreed to such a point.

When we moved in together, I was under the assumption that his feelings for me were reciprocated. We had never explicitly discussed this, but I experienced myself as psychically connected to A and believed we were on the same page. However, after we moved into the house together, it eventually became clear to me that he had no intentions of a physical relationship with me (sexual or simply affectionate) and in fact I experienced him distancing himself from me somewhat as compared to our relationship when we both lived on campus.

I didn’t know what to do at this point. 

I believed that having A be a part of my life into the future was so important, I couldn’t bear to consider the idea that I would be deprived of being the principle relationship in A’s life.

Within all this, I assumed a lot about our relationship and could have avoided years of strife and pain related to this relationship with A if I had communicated any of what I was experiencing towards him with him.

Also, I overextended myself within myself during this relationship because I assumed he would be there for me to support me and had to deal, and am still dealing with, the consequences when that support fell away.

From there, I ended up homeless and alone, partly due to the fact that so much of my world was intertwined with A's, and I simply no longer could deal with running in those circles, especially as I considered A to be a powerful figure within the scene we had been participating within.

Here, I can see that part of my identity was tied up with him and when I realized that it wasn't going to work between us, it was like a part of me was no longer being nourished. Essentially, a part of me had died.

What I didn't realize at the time, was that every part of what I experienced during those years was actually just another part of me. The potential that I believed I could only become if I was in a relationship with A (and I meant that we would be 'primary partners' who were allowed to essentially do what we want, but were emotionally and physically bonded more closely than the peripheral characters in our reality) was actually my own potential that I had mistakenly placed within the idea of A. Perhaps I was naive in becoming as vulnerable as I did, and in doing so I gave some of my power away.

When the relationship ended, it was very difficult for me to stabilize myself and figure out a healthy next move, as that overextension of myself meant that I counted on someone else in my reality to care for parts of myself that I hadn't cared for in the first place.

In a sense, really, there was a part of the relationship I had entered into quite greedily: I saw an opportunity to take too much, or more than I was capable of getting on my own, by using A to extend and expand into areas I hadn't ensured I was personally stable enough / grounded enough to reach should the support of A fall through.

This is why the relationship was so exhilarating: I experienced myself as an übermensch because this person was giving me access to things I should not have had access to and it made me feel special, like I was better than those around me. It's also why I fell so freaking hard after it ended: none of the people I left behind in my self-imagined superiority were particularly keen on helping me out once the music had stopped. I felt abandoned but hadn't realized how I had abandoned everyone when I was flying high. Then, I had to suffer the consequences of crashing hard.

I remember thinking that I had peaked and struggling with figuring out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. What do you do when you know for certain that you will never get an opportunity to fly so high and get so close to being better than so many people, especially when you have invested so heavily of yourself to get to that point? What do you do with the knowledge that you won't ever have it so good, within a system of competition, as you had it, and that if you choose to participate in that system again, everything else will be a compromise?

Well, for me, I fell into a deep depression. All of my motivation in this world simply dissipated. I continued to live in the same house as A for a while, but I stopped having fun hanging out with our old friends, in the old venues we used to frequent. Part of me understood that A was partially responsible for doing me wrong, as I knew he knew I had, albeit unspoken, feelings for him, and did things that allowed me to continue believing there was a future for us. But I couldn't understand why his life seemed to continue to go on so smoothly, as if he wasn't feeling any consequences for the part he had played in my fall, while I experienced myself as totally unsupported by the same group of people. I knew he didn't really care about these people either, we were both addicted to power and manipulation and that's why we used each other to gain the statuses we had, but for some reason he continued to be adored while I was increasingly ignored. I suspect that differences in our socioeconomic backgrounds had something to do with this situation, as people were sub- or unconsciously attracted to him as someone who came from money while I always knew I had to work harder to gain people's adulation coming from a more lower-middle class background.

Eventually, though, I just gave up. Up until that point, all the good things in my life seemed to just come to me. It was the same with my relationship with A: everything about our relationship was so easy: I don't think we ever fought in the two plus years of knowing him and hanging out on a weekly to daily basis. After our relationship fell apart, I was waiting around for the next good thing to come into my life. I didn't think I had done anything wrong and knew he was guilty of manipulating me into believing things that weren't true, so I had the belief that I had a karmic balance coming to me and would receive something equally amazing in my life to make up for what I had perceived myself as lacking in losing A.

So, I waited. And waited. And waited. And still, nothing happened. I continued working my dead end job and even though I eventually moved out of that house with A, nothing good was placed into my life to replace my relationship with A.

Yet, I still had placed my power in A. I believed that it was extremely unlikely for me to achieve anything near what I had fantasized I was capable of achieving within a relationship with A. Nobody had the right combination of a good upbringing, empathy, a rebellious and risk-taking nature, a love for psychedelic adventures, a good sense of humor, and curiosity, I believed. When I saw him eventually pair up with an otherwise remarkable woman, I knew inside of myself that he was compromising. He was hung up about the fact that we were the same gender and didn't want to go through with the relationship because he lacked the courage to deal with the social fallout of being in a same-sex relationship. I knew I was also the most amazing person he had met. And I knew that together, there would never be anything like what we could accomplish together, both for each of us individually and for the world at large. So, I had confusion about why A, who was otherwise unafraid to explore new aspects and styles of self-expression, was hung up on something that I saw as an opportunity to push the boundaries of our culture in being in a visible same-sex relationship.

And yet, he balked out of the relationship. So, I was confused, saddened, and depressed not only for myself, and not only also for him, but for the world. Our peak was also the world's peak and he backed away from it, letting it all fall down. I could not, and still do not, understand why.

But as someone who has come to study the Desteni material and specifically learned about that it means to enter into an Agreement, I am starting to realize the importance of some things in trying to build a new, healthy relationship.

Point one being Communication. While I am able to talk at length about what happened in our relationship and who was responsible for what and how we both felt about each other, all of this was gleaned psychically from A or experienced only within myself. Never, not even once, did we discuss being in a romantic relationship together. I never spoke about it with anyone else until about a year ago. So, while all that potential and the amazing things I experienced while being close with A were real, without being spoken about and agreed upon between the both of us, there was no accountability. A was able to escape the relationship without saying anything and I was left in pain without communicating, and thus receiving feedback and support, to anybody, either A or a friend or family member. The whole thing arose and fell in silence and so it was difficult for me to pin down who was accountable for what within the relationship.

Only now am I realizing what a stable Agreement between two individuals would look like, and only with the tools of Desteni (self-forgiveness, self-writing, self-introspection, breathing, and self-change), have I been able to begin to unravel just what the **** happened in my relationship with A: what was real, what I did wrong, what HE did wrong, and how I can change those things or avoid doing them again when I am ready to enter into an Agreement with another individual.

But I was lost for many years after that relationship and only by walking tools for even more years was I able to put distance between myself and that situation. Other patterns that I had been walking even longer than the things I held onto from my relationship with A have taken even longer to walk out of, so I suggest to check out the FREE online course where you'll learn the nature of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and how to effectively take responsibility for them in a way that demonstrates care for yourself and the planet as soon as possible.

You owe it to yourself to change. And the world needs you now more than ever.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 13 Apr 2020, 09:18

Day 36- Redefining and Living Illness (Part 2)

In a previous post I set about redefining the word Illness. Within the redefinition process, I realized that I did not actually want to live the word Illness, even in it's redefined sense.

A cool realization opened up within this in that: who I am is not actually Illness. Despite whatever definition I myself or others have given me, I am not Illness. Thus, while the redefinition process assisted me in understanding better how I have been affected by and even attempted to live this word, ultimately, who I am is not living the word Illness and, at this point, I have no desire to live this word.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to live the word illness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to live the word illness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am illness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that believing I am illness implies that I have accepted definitions from my external reality and tried to make them who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the definition of illness from my external reality and attempt to make myself the definition of illness.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that attempting to make myself the definition of illness implies that, in place of a solid foundation of understanding words and understanding how to live ones that align with my best possible self, I chose self-limitation as illness to try to make my reality take care of me, reproducing the dependency I learned at a young age at I time when I believe I was OK.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that reproducing this pattern of illness and thus dependency implies that I have not become I-ndependent.

When and as I see myself go into a pattern of self-limitation manifested as illness, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that choosing illness as self-limitation does not serve the best possible version of me.

I commit myself to choose health and self-care as the foundation of the best possible version of myself in this lifetime.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 20 May 2020, 11:34

Day 39- Falling When it Matters Most

I am living with abusive landlords. While they expect me to do labor to pay for my staying here, they infringe upon my privacy, entering my living area at will. Recently, they asked me to move all of my stuff out of my living area, a recreational vehicle which they own, so they can take it on a trip. Instead of standing up for myself and my right to my living space, I acquiesced to their demand.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself when my rights were infringed upon.


Now, I have been demanded to wake up at 8am to clean the RV so they can prepare it for their trip. In actuality, I don't mind so much that I must live in the main house for a few days while they are on a trip. However, I fell in the point of standing up for myself/to them because I was afraid they would try to attack me/force me out of the RV and I would find myself homeless. Also, I have fallen on hard times financially and they have provided support in the form of food and money for me.

In reality, I can see that I am not comfortable asking for help from others and so allow myself to be directed by them in hopes they continue to provide financial and material support to me. Another point within this is that I am avoiding conflict by not standing up for myself.

Now, I am sitting here wide awake in considerable conflict because I can see that I've already fallen on this point and to force the issue in the morning when they wake up will more than likely cause conflict. On paper, it is not such a big deal, other than being forced to do all this moving with my injured wrist may exacerbate the injury. In common sense, I would just go along with this simple request and enjoy the time alone living in larger living quarters.

However, these are not common sense-applying people. Rather, I am also enabling them to continue being directed by fear by not standing up and allowing them to take the RV instead of making other arrangements.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being able to find a solution should I stand up to these people.

I forgive myself that I've not allowed myself to realize that fearing I won't be able to find a solution if I upset my landlords implies that I do not trust myself to direct myself in every situation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to direct myself in every situation, but rather exist in the positive mind energy of believing I am doing well in my process when in actuality, when faced with a simple test such as this, I easily fall, proving I lack STABILITY within and as who I am.

I see, realize, and understand that this lack of stability proves to me I have not covered every point within myself to justify the positive feelings of being completely in control within my Process, nor the positive feeling of being wanted/needed by others walking their process, as I have in fact proved that I am not a Pillar of Support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not first realize that I must be an unconditional Pillar of Support for and as Myself, before I can begin to support others within their process. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself with others walking their Processes who I deem to be STABLE and thus enjoying themselves more than me.

I see, realize, and understand that I have thus left for myself a backdoor to FALL, where I isolate myself from others because I am walking a Process they are not aware of, and yet am unable to remain Stable and Firm here in every moment of breath, regardless of the situation, and in falling, have made it exceptionally difficult to live in my daily life, because I have walked separation from these people and now must rely upon them for material and financial support while I recover from the consequences of my participation in my reality. I see that this stems from my lack of walking a process to establish and maintain stability within and without.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 21 May 2020, 03:55

Day 40- Redefining and Living Stability

The process used in this redefinition process can be seen here: viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3241#p18505. Suggest to check it out for assistance in redefining and living your own words.

Gathering information stage:

Self-allocation point:


I have been, indirectly and directly, called unstable by multiple people, including myself. Thus, my allocation in relation to this word stable is that: it is not me. Going back, as class clown, the funny guy, I can see that I have always stood out, sought attention, and have never really been OK with myself as who I am within.

Early in my childhood/adolescence, I didn’t recognize the expression of stability within myself, having received chastisement/punishment for expressing myself and so never really coming to honor a core/stability within myself as a natural right to be honored for just simply being. Thus, since I didn’t recognize myself as a stable, continuous being, I didn’t honor that and was always trying to disrupt stability around me. I would act out, crack jokes, and behave in other ways which would disrupt the classroom because I wasn’t taught to value stability.

Because I wasn’t given attention at home as who I really was, I devised other ways to gain that attention. Namely by disrupting a stable atmosphere that others sought/valued. I externalized/imposed the absence of stability within myself on others. I grew to enjoy my class clown personality, as it got me the attention that I didn’t receive just for being a human being, and a child at that. It didn’t help that I was classified as a gifted child and was separated from my peers both in age and location when I skipped a grade and attended a private school.

I carried this outsider personality with me through adolescence and college, where an encounter with psychedelics only accelerated my otherness as it allowed me to gain insights and abilities that further separated me from others. Soon enough, I was having visions of being a god-sent prophet/guru charged with raising the consciousness of earth and I dropped out of college. Eventually, I found myself homeless. Alone and addicted to drugs, I was certainly the living embodiment of a lack of stability.

Unfortunately, I have ended up back with the very person who robbed me of a sense of stability in the first place. In my quest to gain stability, I have basically forgotten my entire history of living the opposite of stability and have singularly focused on this person as being THE ONLY obstacle to me gaining stability.

Dictionary definition:

the quality, state, or degree of being stable: such as
a: the strength to stand or endure: FIRMNESS
b: the property of a body that causes it when disturbed to form a condition of equilibrium or steady motion to develop forces or moments that restore the original condition
c: resistance to chemical change or to physical disintegration
2. residence for life in one monastery

Sounding of the word:

Sounds identified:
Sta
Bility

Associations identified with the sounds:
sta- stay, stable
Bility- Ability

Stay- To remain
Ability- Capacity, Skill, Capability

Creative writing:

Stability is the ability for the self-core to remain constant despite what is going on externally
Stability is the the skill of firmness that is able to be developed over time
Stability is the capacity to remain firm
Stability is the capability to remain firm when others are blown over by the wind
Stability is the ability to remain who I am even as the environment impulses me to change
Stability is the ability to remain stable regardless of what is going on

Final definition:


Stability is the the ability to remain stable regardless of what is going on

Does my definition represent what this word stands for?
Yes

Is my definition free of polarities?
Yes

Can I stand by this definition into infinity?
Yes



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 21 May 2020, 15:20

Day 41- Self-Forgiveness on Sexually Transmitted Infections

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have unprotected sex with C even after I knew she had been infected with HPV
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear HPV
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I fear HPV because I judge those with STIs as less than
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge those with STIs as less than instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that manifested consequence is here, and that we are all equal regardless of the manifested consequences of our actions, but that does not justify continuing to manifest harmful consequences
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being harmed by sexually transmitted infections
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from sexually transmitted infections here, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that sexually transmitted infections are a part of life here and must be dealt with in common sense
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dealing with sexually transmitted infections
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry towards C for not disclosing her sexually transmitted infection to me before we had sex
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame another for allowing myself to have sex with C even after she told me she had a sexually transmitted infection
When and as I see myself go into blame for having sex with C after I knew she tested positive for a sexually transmitted infection, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am responsible for what I do with my body, alone, and thus cannot place the blame for having sex with C on anyone else. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame towards my decision to have sex with C even when I knew she had been exposed to a sexually transmitted infection.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that experiencing shame towards my decision to have sex with C even after I knew she had been exposed to a sexually transmitted infection implies that I seek someone else to relieve me of the responsibility/consequences of having had sex with C.

When and as I see myself moving to have sex with someone without ensuring I am properly protected from harmful consequences, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I alone am responsible for my actions and there can be no special panacea for me if I were to manifest the consequence of a sexually transmitted disease, but that I would then be responsible for living with the consequences of my actions.

I commit myself to ensure proper safety protocols are taken before I have sex again



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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 29 May 2020, 07:51

Day 42- Are You Directed by Money or Life?

This coronavirus lockdown is a cool opportunity to take a breath and take a moment to see where I want to move next. Yet, as soon as an opportunity to take work came up, I jumped at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by money instead of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I must direct myself within self-honesty within situations as opportunities to do so, even if/when such moments as opportunities contain within them a point of conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict with others, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I do not yet trust myself to direct the situation in a way that is best for all and so go into a reaction of suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fearing being hurt implies that I have put myself in a situation where getting hurt is something that can happen to me, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that getting hurt is a constant possibility as a condition of being alive. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear of getting hurt/killed as a justification for not doing what is best for all within a moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand that people may want to hurt me, but cannot actually hurt me without my acceptance and allowance.



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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 08 Jun 2020, 14:13

Day 43- Redefining and Living Separation

Self-Allocation Point:

Separation is probably the defining characteristic of my main personality system as the class clown, the black sheep, "the different one." I can see within and throughout my childhood how I have come again and again to define myself as separate from others, separate from myself, and separate from the existence which I have come from and am a part of. I have placed a negative polarity charge on separation, where I have avoided receiving the word separation. To me, it is defined as bad, negative, undesirable, and something to be avoided. I did not want to be viewed as separate, so I developed behavior patterns which would attract attention to me so that I could avoid the experience of separation. As long as I was receiving attention from others, how could I be alone? And yet, such attention was the result of manipulative behavior patterns = not best for all.


Dictionary Definition:

1: the act or process of separating: the state of being separated
2: a: a point, line, or means of division
b: an intervening space: GAP
3: a: cessation of cohabitation between married couples by mutual agreement or judicial decree
b: termination of a contractual relationship (such as employment or military service)

Sounding of the Word:

Sep-are-ation

Sep- Septic
Are- Existing
Ation- Nation

Septic- Toxic
Existing- State of Being
Nation- The externalized manifestation of internally-created toxicity
; the compounded manifestation of separation

Creative Writing:

Separation is the internal and external manifestation of toxicity
Separation is the state of living abuse internally and externally
Separation is internal and external manifested abuse that is unacceptable

Final Definition:

Separation is the expression of each one's uniqueness within oneness and equality

Does my definition represent what this word stands for?
Yes

Is my definition free from polarities?
Yes

Can I stand by this definition into infinity?Yes

Desteni.org
For a guide on this redefinition process, check: viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3241#p18230
Check EQAFE.com




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