Carlton's Journey To Life

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Anna
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Anna » 02 Jun 2015, 22:14

Awesome Carlton. Really digging your explorations!



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 03 Jun 2015, 04:14

Thanks Anna



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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 Jun 2015, 01:37

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... id-or-not/

Day 218: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid (or NOT)

(Things that we are or have been afraid of) Why are we so afraid when the lights go out or the silence being eerie when we’re alone in our house? We wake up in a cold sweat, talking about I just had a bad dream, not realizing the bad part is what you’ve created and seen, have done, have manifested in your life to face, but we say “Oh no this is too much”, and turn the other way, and see the same thing in real life what we’ve just saw in our dream and become scarred for life until we realize what it means, to take responsibility for being very afraid of what we see, hear and do, it’s the same as looking in the mirror and saying; “I’m scared of you.”

Most of our fears are based on what we have seen happen, in movies, on Television or what we read about in magazines. That’s the crazy thing about media; it leaves the rest to one’s imagination, so what we do with it is; We bring it to life, by letting it play over and over in our minds, which is manifesting it to come true and when it does, we then blame this world for being a fucked up place; not once considering the part we just played, in making it a reality. This may seem farfetched to some, but it plays a significant row in how we become very afraid in our world and reality. I mean when you really look at it, the real reason that we don’t want others to see or have our information, is not because we’re afraid that they‘re going to mess up our credit or use our information in a discrediting way, but instead it’s because we really think/believe that someone will find us come to our house and kill us, for real, that’s also one of the reasons why we hide behind fake names with different occupations when meeting others. I mean the fear is extensive.

Another sign of being very afraid is when we argue, yell or scream at someone at the top of our lungs to try and pump fear into the, but all the while we’re really showing just how afraid we are of them and/or the situation at hand. Then you have what I call the silent fear, where one is afraid to talk or communicate in with a group of people, out of the fear of being laughed at, talked about or judged. Now within this, what is not realized is that being afraid that others will judge you, is actually you judging yourself and therefore it’s really nothing to be afraid about.

I come to realize that anything that comes from the mind has an attachment in some way of fear to it. Example let’s say you are thinking positive and you ask; “where’s the fear in that?” Well, the reason why you are thinking positive is because you are afraid that if you don’t, the negative will come into your life and what is not realized is that positive thinkers attracts the negative towards themselves to happen to themselves, which is and extensive polarity play out and can be explained more in depth HERE.

My life has been based in fear also, even though I prided myself on being fearless, it really was the opposite of that, but be that as it may, most of my fear was centered around things I didn’t know about and/or couldn’t comprehend at the time, like fear of the unknown, which I projected onto myself in my own mind in thinking what if this or that happened to me or to this world as a whole and the people in it, which really wasn‘t cool because that‘s what spawned me into thinking about a negative outcome to every situation I have been in.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid, to be very afraid and try and hide it from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been afraid when the lights went out and not want to admit it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been afraid of what I’ve seen, heard and have done, within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made things a reality that I’ve seen in movies and on television by letting it play over and over in my mind which is manifesting it to come true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have hidden behind fake name and occupations because I was afraid that something would happen to me, which was all made up in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have argued, yelled and screamed at someone at the top of my lungs to try and pump fear into them, but all the while not realizing I was showing just how afraid I was of them and/or the situation at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced what I call the silent fear, where I was afraid to talk or communicate in with a group of people, out of the fear of being laughed at, talked about or judged, not realizing that being afraid that others will judge me is me actually judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my life to be based in fear, even though I prided myself on being fearless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pride myself on being fearless and not follow through with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my fear throughout my life to be centered around things I didn’t know about and/or couldn’t comprehend at the time, like fear of the unknown, which I projected onto myself in my own mind in thinking what if this or that happen to me or this world as a whole and the people in it.. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then start thinking about a negative outcome to every situation I have been in.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that being very afraid in essence is my mind projection back to me what I have accepted and allowed myself to create in my world and reality that I don’t want to face as myself, my creation, because if I am afraid then I am not aware of who I am and thus will remain a slave to the mind.


When and as I see myself being very afraid, which started when I was young and the lights would go out, then into being afraid of what I’ve seen heard or have done, and would make a reality the things I saw in movies and on television, by letting it play over and over in my mind which is manifesting it to come true and then become so afraid that I would hide behind fake names and occupations and excuse as me not wanting anyone to have my information because they will discredit me in some way, when the fact of the matter was that, I was afraid to the point of thinking that someone would find me and come to my house and kill me, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I have created this fear of being afraid within myself that started from a young age and has been embedded within and as me and perpetuated and expounded upon throughout my life and all this because of what I didn’t comprehend as myself, meaning I couldn’t see myself for who I really am, so instead I continued to compound, being afraid of myself and within that made incorrect decision that have caused consequences for myself and possibly others in my world and reality. So being afraid in essence is my mind projecting back to me what I have accepted and allowed myself to create in my world and reality that I didn’t want to face as myself, my creation, because if I am afraid, then I am not aware of who I am and thus will remain a slave to the mind.

I commit myself to no longer being afraid of myself in essence what I have created as myself as me in my world and reality which was really just a big illusion conjured up in my mind for me to remain a slave to my mind so that I would never realize myself as who I really am.

I commit myself to no longer getting caught up paying attention to the external world and reality out there through the media and lose focus on what’s right here within myself, but instead to face my own problem head on and correct my living.

I commit myself to no longer arguing, screaming and yelling at someone at the top of my lungs in trying to pump fear into them to get them to do what I say, but instead to realize that those who are afraid themselves are those who argue, yell and scream to try and get their point across, which never works so I commit myself to when and as I am faced with a situation where arguing, yelling and screaming could be likely, I stop and breathe and direct the situation to the best possible outcome for myself and those involved.

I commit myself to no longer being afraid to talk or communicate in with a group of people, as this being afraid is not warranted, being that it’s self-induced, brought on by self-judgment of myself, but trying to project it onto others to not have to share myself. Within this, I commit myself to sharing myself as who I am with others in a group setting without being afraid.

I commit myself to getting to know myself inside out, in standing equal to and one with who self is -knowing/living who I am through and through: that I no longer be afraid but instead unshackle myself from being a slave.



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Bella
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Bella » 05 Jun 2015, 18:42

hi Carlton,
Awesome Carlton. Really digging your explorations!
absolutely agreed!



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 Jun 2015, 23:13

Thanks Bella



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 Jun 2015, 23:40

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ming-eyes/

Day 219: Roaming Eyes

Have you ever heard the saying; “what you see is what you get?” Well that was a lie, from the perspective of if you got everything that you saw, then you would understand yourself and that’s where my roaming eyes comes into play.

Growing up I watched everything as in what people did, said, the way they looked, how they talked, the way people looked at other people and what they said about them afterwards, whether it was, man she look good or see got a nice ass or she’s this or that and what they would do if they were with that person. I mean I soaked it all up and over the years copy catted what I saw other people doing. The reason being was because I wasn’t privy to the “street life” way of doing things, per se, so whatever I saw someone on the streets doing, I made it a part of me, to an extent though, and when I finally was out on my own, I tried every bit of what I saw growing up and continued to see and do after what I saw others do.

I mean the basics of relationships as to how some people start dating and/or have crushes on each other in elementary and junior high school, at a young age, I couldn’t and didn’t do that until I was 18 and away from home. I didn’t know what to do or how to even approach a girl/lady/woman and my imagination was flowing. What I could do was to spot a nice looking girl (hypothetically speaking) from a mile away by the shape of her body, and I wasn’t really picky.

This continued to the point where every girl that passed by I would check her out. I mean honestly speaking this is what most guys (and girls) do or have done, and for the most part is pretty harmless, that is until, ones imagination comes into play and screws everything up, which nine times out of ten, happens the moment our roaming eyes connect to what they’re looking for.

Things have changed allot since me back then, from the perspective of not letting my imagination go haywire like it used to when I happen to look at someone, and although this is so, when I do catch my eyes roaming at times, I notice an interesting thing taking place, where, let’s say I see someone walking towards me from down the street a ways, what I found myself doing was immediately looking away as if I wasn’t going to look at them and once they walked by or got within eye roaming range, I would look, and then say to myself “come on man, why did you just do that?”, I mean it was like, I was trying to trick myself in telling myself; “Oh I didn’t see them the first time”, so I could see them closer. I experienced this quite a few times, until I found another method to deal with my roaming eyes, that I am still working on today, (because it’s not the point of me imagining anymore, it’s the point of self-manipulation that is see myself doing to myself), that is, not placing too much emphasis on my roaming eyes, but instead, when my roaming eyes connect to something, I continue looking at it, and what this does is sort of defuses the situation that I have going on inside me, which allows me to go from storing the image I see, to seeing something as a passing view, therefore if your roaming eyes get the best of you, stop yourself, take a breath in the moment, and realize that the passing view is you.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 07 Jun 2015, 23:49

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 220: Hiding Behind Self-Interest (My Perspective)

One thing I’ve notice about some self-interest is that you’re not really interested in what you think you are, only but for a momentary purpose. It’s sort of like a passing fad, where you’re interested in something in one moment and after you get it or have done that which you are interested in, then you move onto the next thing/thought and I say thought because all of our interests are thoughts or might I say stems from thought we think/perceive/believe we need what we want, which makes up our self-interest.

Interestingly enough, if we didn’t have this self-interest we would realize that we are everything that we want, but instead we separate ourselves from what we want and chase after it, like following that thought around in our minds, telling us it’s what you need and/or can’t live without, which makes it our self-interest. Allot of times we think, that we should have it (whatever it is) or that’s for us, when in fact we really don’t know the “us” we’re referring to, therefore; how is it that (we) in one moment, all of a sudden decide we should have that or that should be mine? I mean this point comes in two folds, where first off we’re looking at a cover/pictured presentation of that something or someone, and not knowing what that something or someone Intel’s, so we began to covet it/them in a way out of self-interest. And the second thing is this behavior goes way back to childhood when we first learned how to covet things, from the instant we were told that we couldn’t have something, so what did we do? We envisioned ourselves with that something to the point of that something becoming our self-interest, and from that moment on, any and everything we couldn’t have, it became our self-interest to obtain it, pursue after it, and if that wasn’t possible, hope/wish and think too much about it, to the detriment and/or diminishing of ourselves.

Now if someone was to tell us, what we were doing was not cool and could have consequences, we would simply say; “You don’t know me and what I been through” or something like; “I’ve paid my dues, so I know this is for me” and that part right there is how we hide behind our self-interest.

And here comes the forbidden part that we don’t want to admit, unless we’re self-honest, and that is, that which we think we want, wish we could have/covet, nine times out of ten is someone else’s or we’ve seen someone with It or it was not even in our reach to have, so why put yourself through it? It’s become heart wrenching.

We can’t forget about the deterring factor as well, where for some of us, once we find that this something or someone is unavailable to us, we accept it and leave it at that, but that’s not all that is required to get the thought out our minds, it also takes writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to release ourselves from this point and live the corrective action and commitment statements, to no longer accept and allow ourselves to hide behind our self-interest again. So for this;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind self-interest, where one thing I notice about some self-interest is that I’m really not interested in what I think I am, only but for a momentary purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am interested in something’s, but it’s sort of like a passing fad, where I’m interested in something’s in one moment and after I get it or have do that which I was interested in, I move onto the next thing/thought, not realizing that all of my interests are thoughts or might I say stems from a thoughts I thought/perceived/believed I needed what I wanted, which made up my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I need what I want out of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I didn’t have this self-interest, I would realize that I am everything that I want, but instead I separate myself from what I want and chase after it, like following that thought around in my mind, telling me it’s what I need and/or can’t live without, which makes it my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allot of times, have thought that I should have something or that’s for me, when in fact I really didn’t know the “me” I was referring to, therefore; how is it that (I) in one moment, all of a sudden decided I should have that or that something should be mine?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have followed a thought around in my mind in one moment, all of a sudden, where I decided I should have something or that something should be mine. I mean who do I think I am?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see something or someone and look at the cover/picture presentation of that something or someone, and not knowing what that something or someone Intel’s and began to covet it/them in a way out of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have coveted in a way something or someone out of self-interest, thinking that I wanted/needed/desired it/them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I wanted/needed/desired something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my wants/needs/desires to have controlled me into coveting something or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to way back in childhood learn how to covet things, from the instant I was told that I couldn’t have something, so I instead envisioned myself with that something to the point of that something becoming my self-interest and from that moment on, any and everything I couldn’t have, it became my self-interest to obtain it, pursue after it, and if that wasn’t possible, hope/wish and think too much about it, to the detriment and/or diminishing of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted sand allowed myself to, if someone was to tell me, what I was doing was not cool and could have consequences, I would simply say; “You don’t know me and what I been through” or something like; “I’ve paid my dues, so I know this is for me”, not realizing that within doing so, was how I would hide behind my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, that which I thought I wanted, wished I could have/coveted, nine times out of ten was someone else’s or I’ve seen someone with it or it was not even in my reach to have, and have let not having it become heart wrenching.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself place an emotional attachment to something or someone that I don’t, can’t or couldn’t, even if I tried to, have.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that self-interest will not protect me from the consequences I have created for myself, so hiding behind them is like standing right outside the oven with a screen door in front of me and soon as the illusion of self-interest falls, I’m toast. So within that I commit myself to dropping the veil of self-interest that I hide/have hidden behind and face myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to covet, the things that I wanted but couldn’t have.


When and as I see myself hiding behind self-interest, where I’m not really interested, only but for a momentary purpose, sort of like a passing fad, not realizing my self-interest are made up of the thoughts I think, thinking that something is for me, when I fact I’m really not knowing the “me” that I am referring to and I all of a sudden decide in my mind that I should have something, I stop and breathe. I realize that this something is a want that my mind is telling me I need or can’t live without, so I follow it to the point of coveting it, because I have been this way since way back in my childhood, where I first learned how to covet things from the instant I was told that I couldn’t have something, so I envisioned myself with that something to the point of that something becoming my self-interest and from that moment on, any and everything, I couldn’t have, it became my self-interest to obtain it, pursue after it and if that wasn’t possible, hope/wish and think too much about it , to the detriment and/or diminishing of myself. I kept this behavior within and as me as I grew up, at which time became something and someone as my wants and nine time out of ten that something or someone was somebody else’s, but just seeing this cover/pictured presentation of that something or someone and not knowing what that something or someone Intel’s, insinuated me coveting it/them in a way out of self-interest, which in turn became my self-problem.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding that self-interest will not protect me from the consequences I have created for myself, because hiding behind them is like standing right outside the oven with a screen door in front of me and soon as the illusion of my self-interest falls I’m toast. Within that; I commit myself to letting go of my past behaviors as a child of coveting things I can’t have and realizing that all I really want is within and as me, as who I am as life.

I commit myself to giving to myself what I really want, which is to know and live who I really am as life, done by sticking to my process. I commit myself to sticking to my process.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allowed myself to place an emotional attachment to something or someone that I don’t, can’t or couldn’t, even if I tried to, have, but instead to restructure the attachment relationship I have with myself, to no longer break loose and go outside of myself in search for myself, but instead to realize I have and always will be here and getting to know who I am.

I commit myself t no longer accept and allow myself to hide behind my self-interest again.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 10 Jun 2015, 04:09

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... testimony/

Day 221: Testimony

To tell or give witness of an experience or experiences that has taken place in your life. Growing up was when I first learned this word and the act of doing, behind it. It was what I saw people doing in church, where they would stand up and tell their experiences of things, incidents or situations that took place in their lives and somehow “god” or “Jesus” stepped in and intervenes, ‘and saints this, that and the other happened’. And the church would erupt in jubilation for the farce that has just been told. Now what made this a farce (lie) was the point where the person said that somehow “god” or “Jesus” stepped in and intervened in doing this, that or the other, all by listening to the voices in their head and believing them to be either “god” or “Jesus”, somehow they came out on top of the situation, where (in most cases) they defeated the devil at work. The sad part about it was, by them mentioning “god” or “Jesus’s” name, their testimony would be validated and everyone would believe that the voice that person heard in their head was some type of claims that a supernatural force or power was at work in that person’s life, but interestingly enough the credit would go to the pastor or the missionary of the church who spread the farce in the first place, as in saying to them, “yes I believe and agree to be your slaves from hence forth as you can see from my testimony”. I mean from the inside looking out, you would really believe that this is all possible, but in hindsight, when looking back in, I can see just how delusional we were. This is how I grew up, thinking and believing in this illusion and have defined Testimony as such.

REDEFINITION

When looking at the word Testimony, within the sounding of the word, it sounds like “Test in the Morning” where when you get up in the morning is when your mind is really at work, bringing up memories and thoughts of what you were thinking from the day/days before, along with memories and thought from your past to test you to see how effective your self-honesty is and showing you points that you still have to work on within yourself and within the realization and correction of yourself is what is to be shared with others of how you have walked through and/or have transcended the points that was shown to you by your mind during the “Test in the Morning” as your Testimony. So within that, to testify is to share one’s realizations of self-correction and/or self-improvements: to show and/or help someone who is walking or going through the same point as you have, in assisting and supporting them to not make the same mistakes you have and to show the steps one took in walking through and/or transcending the point at hand.

Each morning when I get up I pretty much follow a routine of doing things, which I’m sure everyone has some sort of routine, that being said, throughout my routine, what never fails is the activity that takes place in my mind, meaning, for the first few hours as I’m setting into my routine, I am constantly applying self-forgiveness for each random thought that comes up within and as me and by the number thoughts I have (or not) is how the rest of my morning can be seen as in what kind of day I will be having, So for example if I experience less thoughts then I see that my mind is testing my self-honesty, and will be what some call “A good Day”, but if I experience more thoughts then I see there are corrections that I have to make within myself and it shows because at times with the simplest task I lose focus and make mistakes which has immediate consequences that I have to deal with in the next moment.

By knowing what’s going on within me, stops me from reacting with anger and frustration, because I can see exactly what it is that I need to correct within myself that my mind is showing me with the amount of thoughts that keeps me “busy” with applying self-forgiveness where I’m not focusing on what has to be done in those moments. This is just to show the extent that my mind takes when something is really aloof within me, that require my immediate attention and self-honesty through the application of self-forgiveness in the moment and therefore this is what some call “Having a bad day”.

Either way, I realize that throughout the rest of my life I will be tested on a daily bases to see if I remain self-honest within myself and doing what is best for all life always in all ways, which is a point of seeing if I can be trusted with life. So within this; I commit myself to standing firm and remaining stable when and as I am tested day in and day out, and in doing so I will be able to assist and support others with sharing my Testimony, realizations of my self-corrections and/or self-improvements. This is my Testimony!



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Testimony as; to tell my experiences of things, incidents or situations that took place in my life where somehow “god” or “Jesus” stepped in and intervened in doing this, that or the other, in which I came out on top of the situation and claimed that I was able to defeat the devil, in a church setting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have listened to the voice in my head and believed it to be real and either “god” or “Jesus” telling my something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have told a farce (lie) to others in testimony to make it seem as if what was being told to me was real, all because I wanted to be an active part of a church group and within this; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given my power away in the service of a pastor and/or missionary to control the way I think, act, behave and what or what not to believe in as the keys to my life, not realizing that I was enslaving myself even more than what I already was.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and redefine Testimony as a “Test in the Morning”, where I am being tested by my mind to see if I am remaining self-honest and also shown by my mind the things that I still need to work on within myself: that to testify is to share my realizations of self-correction and/or self-improvements: to show and or help someone who is walking or going through the same point that I have, in assisting and supporting them to not make the same mistakes I have and to show the steps I took in walking through and/or transcending the point at hand.


I commit myself to redefining Testimony to that of the aforementioned to; the shared realizations of my self-corrections and/or self-improvements: to show and/or help someone who is walking or going through the same point that I have, in assisting and supporting them to not make the same mistakes I have and to show the steps I took in walking through and/or transcending the point at hand.

When and as I see myself listening to the voices in my head, trying to convince and direct me into doing and/or saying things that is not becoming of who I really am, I stop and breathe and realize this is not real, this is not who I am, this is not me directing me, this is but a mind project that I have mastered projecting onto myself since growing up and in church and can be eradicated with radical self-honesty and self-forgiveness in order for me to release myself from these momentary possessions.

I commit myself radical self-honesty and self-forgiveness in the face of the voices in my head where I face myself and take responsibility for the farce that I have spread within testimonies of my past to others, and walking my corrective action, so that when I testify, it will not be a farce, a lie, but instead what I live by.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 12 Jun 2015, 01:12

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -behavior/

Day 222: Be on Your Best Behavior

The question is; how is this possible, being that if you have particular behavior patterns, which one is the best one? Obviously an extensive amount of fear had to be instilled into someone for them to realize the difference between good, bad and your best behavior. In my case this was so, where I knew if I acted in any way what so ever outside of my “best behavior” (my parents behavior) and my parents was told, I was going to get tore up, when I got home. This point of being on my best behavior stuck with me throughout my life up until the point where I began to learn about behaviors, and still at times I find myself being on my best behavior.

What’s interesting is at which times do we chose the best behavior pattern to be on? This also depends on where we’re going, who we’ll be around and the people we’re with, and this is what I call a planned best behavior moment. Now and unplanned best behavior moment is when we unexpectedly come across someone that interest us, where we would adjust our posture, straighten our hair, correct our stance and speak eloquently, now by this time we have mastered being on our best behavior and not even realized or given a second thought to what we are doing and where this “behavior” stems from, all we want to hear is, “you’re so nice and funny” or “I like the way you carry yourself” and toward a women “you’re cute” or “I like you”. I mean hypothetically speaking, if things work out, do you ever think to call you parents and thank them for keeping you on your best behavior? I would say NO, but that’s beside the point. The point is; how is it that any form of behavior is acceptable if there is more than one, meaning there should only be one way of being that is best for all, which should be directed towards and in favor of caring for life always in all ways, but this is not what we do.

Within the sounding of the word behavior, I hear and see, “Be Half of who you REALLY R, meaning that it’s somehow ok to present yourself as who you really are, half the time, as in only during the times of self-interest or in a child’s case being a representative of their parents, hence the phrase; “Be on Your Best Behavior”, because in some way the parent knows that the child will act after what they see and hear the parents do and “this is unacceptable”, because I don’t want the world to see how I really am, so in other words (in unspoken words) ”if you act like me, when you’re around other people, when you get home, you’re going to get it, because I’m too scared to admit, even to you my child, what I should have admitted from the beginning, and that is, that you are a direct copy of me, and only trying to should me the nature within me, of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, with all my different behavior patterns, so once again, Be on Your Best Behavior. But who says that?

This is why from experience of being a child, that if a child is educated correctly about what they are experiencing within themselves and going through as far as why they are acting a certain way and/or at times behaving a different way, it stops a child (I mean it would have stopped me) from making frivolous mistakes and the child will grow up being one way that is best for all, directed towards and in favor of caring for life always in all ways. Within this I am redefining behavior from that of the aforementioned to; being one way that is best for all, directed towards and in favor of caring for life always in all ways. Do you agree?



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 14 Jun 2015, 01:17

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -thoughts/

Day 223: Paying Too much Attention to my Conscious Mind Thoughts

“And I thought they would never go away”. Throughout my process I’ve tried to make it a point to notice and forgive every single thought that comes up in my mind, whether it’s just passing through and/or there to make me react with an emotion or feeling. What I’ve noticed was that most of these thoughts that keeps repeating themselves are remedial and irrelevant, but yet and still, I continue paying attention to them and go to apply self-forgiveness for the thought and five minutes later the thought would come right back around and up in my mind again. Another interesting thing, before I go any further that I’ve noticed about my thoughts is, (how do I put it) they are “place/area specific”, meaning let’s say for example I’m in the bathroom and I experience a few random thoughts; now whenever I go back in the bathroom those same thoughts I experienced from before comes back up and it’s the same when I’m in different areas around my place and like I said the majority of them are not relevant to what I’m doing in the moment, let alone anything.

The topic that I’m writing about came to me when I was listened to the EQAFE interview 412-reptilians-if-i-could-do-it-so-can-you-part-10, where it was being discussed how within the conscious mind within thoughts was created movement of preoccupation in keeping one preoccupied in constant/continual irrelevant thoughts, and as I am walking my process I only want to identify and work with and walk through my personalities, backchat chat and physical reactions and that my conscious mind is nothing compared to my subconscious and unconscious mind, and so if I am in anyway preoccupying myself with conscious mind thoughts, I am limiting and diminishing myself to the utmost potential in this physical world and this reality. Wow, I was blown away to not realize that I was paying attention to these randomize patterns coming from my subconscious and unconscious that was inserted in constant cycles of movement in my conscious mind to keep me busy and preoccupied and not return or stand or even realize or consider that there is something such as silence and stability that exist within me, “And I thought they would never go away”.

This is why I keep experiencing these random thoughts coming up within and as me, that have no relevance to whatever I’m doing in the moment, because by me paying attention to them, I am perpetuating, (sort of like egging them on) the thoughts to keep on coming up, time and time again and then I would get frustrated and wonder why and what am I doing “wrong” because I’m catching the thoughts; not realizing the difference between my conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind thoughts and how they work. I mean I also would at times experience what I believed to be stagnation within my process and all the why’ll to learn that my conscious mind thoughts are irrelevant and not worth paying attention to unless I want to stay in this same position of stagnation in my process for an extended period of time, well I don’t.

This interview gave me clarity with more perspective on how the mind works and where thoughts come from and so I will assist and support myself with the information in this interview in moving myself forward within my process of getting to know myself. I recommend having a listen to this interview to anyone who hasn’t; it has been greatly assistive to me for my self-movement.




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