Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 09 Mar 2019, 22:59

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ert-of-me/

Day 805: The Desert of Me

Is it deserving that we have deserted ourselves into a field of dreams, while starving our bodies in the non-consideration of our well-being and being well with it, baron and desolate, disassociating ourselves from the speak easy in self communicating in self-trust of me? Giving way to technology at our finger tips and creating big machines, instead of planting a tree, the tree of life in fact that resides inside each and every human being, all of us, that stands in our stead when we’re not able to stand for ourselves on feeble legs, that’s a notable occurrence when noticing how we’ve separated ourselves from bringing things back to self, from which they stem.

Simply put our roots needs nourishing, in order to flourish into our utmost potential, that’s as simple as correcting the patterns as reactions we exist as, when thinking/perceiving/believing what we see in this field of dreams is real, but miss the obvious that our sight is filled with dust molecule that blinds us from seeing just how much we have deserted ourselves, running away from all problems, wasted opportunities that causes ones physical body to deteriorate, while wanting to remain wrinkle free, with colored dye to cover up the gray signal protruding out of our face and head hair - that we’re thinking too much.

Where have all the pure essence gone in our bodies, the same as saying where have all the trees/plants/flowers and algae gone in the deserts, that’s now remnants of life that desperately need to be cared for, just as the human physical body desperately needs to be cared for, more than just eating good and taking supplements, green drinks and lemon flushes, that won’t correct the amount of ‘stuff’ we’ve subjected our physical to, mentally, with every thought we think, every emotion we experience, every feeling we have and every reaction we perpetuate, it creates a deserted space of deterioration within this form of life (our bodies) that’s been carrying us around life after life, I mean speaking of unconditionality, Life is it, and not an idea/way of living, but the ‘Physical’ in fact, that we so often try running away from, to attain, “Heavenly Glory”, that can be achieved right here, just as long as I/we bring the desert of me/the deserts of we, back to self and into life.

Coughing up dust clouds, because I fail to intake the amount of water needed for my body to function correctly, interrupts the connectivity with joints/muscles and organs, that’s unseen, as we hustle to the doctor for a treatment of quick fixes, instead of fixing a glass of water for me to drink, is unacceptable to the body and probably do more damage than good, I mean why is it that the Doctors kids never needs to go to the Doctor, is it maybe because the Doctor knows the detriment of his or her own practice, and so practice preventative measures in their own home, the same as preventing oneself from being alone and self out stretched, the self-ostracization that’s far-fetched, because of not seeing it yet, that can be retractable, if the refraction I promoted is demoted through substantial Self-Forgiveness and bear witness to living the change thereof. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desert myself into a field of dreams, where things seem crystal clear and clean to me, but just down the road in my mind, I see the facade it is, that covers up the dust on the desert floor I’m choosing to stand on/in and with as, within myself., that will eventually wash away, because it’s not stable or suitable for structure/s.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize the mirage I’m standing in, only shade my mind from the exposure thereof, that makes it hard for me to see the way back to who I really am, because of the smoke screen, as dust storm/cloud I blow off and behind me hasn’t dissipated yet and so live with foggy ideas/perceptions and beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disassociate myself through subtle occurrence, from the reality I come to know oh so well, that has gotten me to the point of standing up and walking my process thus far and for so long, thinking I got things down pat, because of receiving validation from others in my world, that loves the stories I tell, and so found myself slowly slipping away from the real me/who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the label of anointed godhood in fact, without realizing how I was Going Down the wrong track, with no tact in my communication methods and felt blessed when others think that I’m something else, and so attend to the attention I get from them and in the end find myself suspended with no friends, because I hadn’t once (really) befriended myself, but befriended the idea that I’m the last one left, in disregard of those whose been walking along side, and so now feel the need to hide my face, in disgrace for the way I acted out my reality, and just now seeing a way out of this maze (mess).

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I am actually blessed, in the sense of having the tool to behest the Character Personalities I exist as, into extinction and alleviate the friction I caused between myself and others in my world, and so, I hereby take a world of responsibility for my acceptances and allowances and to continuous move forward from here on out.


And from there the specificity within the desertion of me, comes in for each one alike, detailed that we only know best ourselves and self-honesty is the key, because it’s not up to me to point out points I need to work on within myself, into the projection of others, as a protection and defense mechanism of my own slumber-ness – that Yes we ALL are a work/walk in progress.

And so, the Answer to my initial question is “Not it’s Not” (Deserving).

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 12 Mar 2019, 20:38

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... st-a-part/

Day 806: Expanding Your Awareness in Your Reality ( Just A Part )

Where often times we look at things casually and passively with those in our reality, and the things in our reality that shows us aggressively points we need to work on obsessively and confessedly so, we blow off, thinking that what we say and or do will be taken with the same mind frame we had when saying and/or doing what was, in the spurt of the moment, with the claim of awareness and seeing it coming and going in head first, with the idea that I’m right, and I got this, so let’s do this, then miss the obviousness of all in my reality and remain a blink away from being present.

If it don’t look or feel right investigate, that’s investing time in the way I relate to the things and beings in my reality, an imbue of responsibility for me to be constantly expanding/growing and developing myself to understand what I see and be that of a support to my own process in excess of my utmost potential and simplify what I allow the mind to present to me as a complication.

For most, “I hate waiting”, so pursue the rush of things, rushing right passed what it means to be a responsible human being and learning how to do that which is best for all, which is within opening up in fine detail, ‘me’, from the good/bad/ugly of me, that made me the person I am today, and at times a struggle to pull away from, and come to grips that this is all me.

If I walked a point of acting out a personality, when I see it, should be easy for me to point out, in the becoming more aware of the reality around me, without spiritualizing my understanding of what I walked, meaning becoming self-righteous when seeing it within another, but at times we place ourselves above and beyond the point in itself, as if to say to others ‘you should already know this’ and/or why are you doing this or that’, exaggerating the critiquing of the other individual, that’s drastically accepting the point of separation, from whence I came to what another is now facing, that we may or may not have faced before in our lives,.

I mean some how it seems easier to be a preacher than to pre-educate yourself on what it means to be a leader that’s a teacher of self-occurrences in one’s own life, instead of being a forcible dictator of what’s wrong or right in the eyes of a society that can’t see straight, because we’re always looking through the eyes of another, instead of looking at our own ways.

Spite is a muthaf***** when you don’t see it coming, despite seeing it coming from our own lips, at the slip of the tongue we could cut someone deep, never considering the same can happen to me, so watch what you say, to watch what I say, that won’t be taken in the way we meant it, unless we mean the way we meant to say it, and so stand by the spite we’ve projected in fact, in which case we’re definitely aware of our own reality around us, that we’ve created in full of spite, so why not correct our spiteful way, using our awareness to connect to the reality we live in and correct it.

But we’ve created Awareness into A War Energy Essence, that really take no energy to see at all, but fight against seeing the negativity in our minds, claiming I’m aware that you have it in for me, which is a fear related construct in fact, that I lack the notion of having self-trust, and judge the point of not trusting myself, that’s as simple as being aware of my own breath, that every time I breathe I am here with all as me, which should make one aware and being able to see, how to expand myself inhalation of my potential and create my reality into the best it can be.

More to come…



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 16 Mar 2019, 20:19

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ever-mind/

Day 807: Expanding Your Awareness in Your Reality (Never-Mind)

Easy to gravitate towards, the conflict of things creates the four corners within the bubble we live, and call this being alive/living, when the lie it is we perpetuate, separates us from our own physical reality, because we’ve settled in on a plot of real estate in our minds, within a mansion of Con-fidence that consciousness use to keep us adrift, floating around in sequence on repeat, and speak the worst about those around us, unable to see them equally as we would a tragedy compassionately, but savagely tear them down as if we’re not all cut from the same cloth (so to speak).

Conventionally, groups are formed for you to be on my side, the ride on everyone who’s not a part of the group, religion shows the exponentially, where the only way I can rely on you is if you second my illusion and love my God, I mean “My God” if it was that easy the word Change ‘here’ wouldn’t be needed, but needed within me, for the simple fact that I can see what I need to change, that a ‘should not’, shouldn’t be pointed out other than myself first, then live the example, to being asked the question, how did you become aware of so many things, instead of being told “You’re Smart” or “Intelligent”, because I can tell you a thing or two, Interesting!

‘Them/They and Most people’ are the calling cards of separation within conversation throughout this reality, where me/myself and I should be the calling card for me to expand my awareness in my own reality, like imagine if you were born on an island, then realized yourself to be the only you there, would you then be aware of everything around you, because the mind is really a fleet away from seeing another human being, matter of fact (in a way) the first molecule was that, as all, and that’s how we all came into being, so seeing each one in different expressions, should be a lesson to how expansive one can be.

Interesting occurrence, for the last few day when walking outside my home, (and still today) there has been an extensive amount of butterflies (migration) flying from south to north across my front yard, and as I drive I see even more, which wouldn’t be in point of my awareness if I still allowed an abundance of pressing thought matters in my mind, that to me, is a point of cross reference, that I’m becoming more aware of the reality around me, instead of looking for a moment of conjecture in conflict in thinking the world is going to end, because of what I am seeing in my reality and that of the whole, in fact.

They say it’s the little things that matter, but are these things really little, or not paid attention to because of our lack of awareness, being that our mind is mostly aware of our own self-interest and inconsiderate to the little things that’s really Big in matter, that matters to self and the self of us, as other people in my world, as the self of me, so the things that’s said to be little are the most meaningful in fact, like our reaction to the way another person look and us, because they’re not “appeasing” to the eyes, meaning I can’t go into my mind and imagine some fantastical s*** about them, hence our reaction.

But this is what’s going on with our level of awareness in our reality, superficial shit, that the mind is aware, but where are we, where are we when claiming others are getting on our nerves, I mean where are we in the moment of wanting to take a break before finishing something, where we let resistance set in, that makes it harder for us to finish what we started, and so on and so forth, I mean is it that our awareness only spans within the realm of what the mind sees, that veils being able to see and correct the nature of our ways, thinking that’s just the way it is, and anxiety is normal and frustration is unstoppable and anger is needed, and emotion is a release point and feeling define our life, therefore no need to change what’s ‘really broke, or do we have the ability to fix?

Interesting how our classification of broke only relates to not having money and material things, where it’s unseen how the breakdowns we experience was an accumulation of unresponsive correction to the thoughts we allowed to fester in our mind, when analyzing every single thing in our reality, nonstop, and only stop for a moment when being overwhelmed with the idea of pain, stating “I’m in so much pain and can’t take it anymore”, but really emotionally distraught, and do Nothing about it, that spawns an overwhelming sense of depression and powerlessness and hate to correct it, so into the soap box we go, dramatically creating our own soap opera, to be watched by the rest of the world, and they love it, because we all do the same.(Something has to give) -

Where the give is our-self that something we can do, before coming under pressure and drinking a bottle of never mind, in the sense of getting to the point of never minding the problem that mines our body, but correcting in the moment the thoughts that comes up, that’s a point of expanding my awareness in my own reality. (Suggestion) Start investigating the reality of you HERE.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 19 Mar 2019, 19:52

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... us-affect/

Day 808: Infectious Affect

Creeping through the seeps of our reality our inherent nature, inherited from the sins of our fathers, passed down and accepted without question, then spread throughout existence and into the lives of other families, causes catastrophe’s unbeknownst to us, although we’ve perpetuated it onto one of them, as if it wasn’t enough crabs to pull down in the bucket, inflicting our infectious behavior into the very fabric or their existence through our thoughts/words and deeds, that would change their life and the lives of those around them forever more, then wonder why blame is ever so present and prevalent, although not recommended.

It’s already a mess when you find out how someone from your past has turned out that you were close with, and not once considering the things we’ve said and/or done may have complemented the state they’re now in, under the guise of ignorance is/was bliss, because (back then) we were both young and really didn’t know our left hand from our right, that now when looking back might have seemed right and fun, but one or the other took what was said or done to heart, and now falling apart from chasing after the idea of what was presented to them by you, or them, (on either hand) which includes me, when hanging on by the seat of our pants, and now gasping for air when seeing what happened to them/how they turned out, unquestioning ‘did what I say or do with them have an avid effect on them’. (Mildly put).

The extreme of power makes everything worse, thinking I can get away with s*** that I do, but can’t get away with the shit that you’ve done, that will someday come back to haunt you, where as a collective, we have all said and done things that we’re not proud of, which in hindsight is a prolonging of taking self-responsibility, that’s why it’s important to forgive oneself and correct the things we’ve perpetuated in our past. And there’s really no such thing as free at last, until every last one of us have corrected ourselves, then correct the mistakes we’ve projected onto others, until others are able to stand as we do.

(Root Cause)

Ok so it starts when we’re small and learned how to talk, then learn how to separate ourselves from people in our world, then learn from what our parents tells us is right and wrong, which includes how to manipulate to get what we want, and life is all about survival so trust no one else, to learning how not to trust our very own self, and that God is Good and the Devil is Bad, and how to point out the Devil in others we see, to inflicting our will on others at will, because we’ve let others inflict their will on us, so now it’s our turn to spite them into conformity, as a norm for how we’ve created this reality, and sadly live within the energy thereof, and all of the above is still done by us, but it’s “shame on them, look at what they’ve done”, which is ashamed, but what have we’ve done in our own reality?

Craftly grafting our ways of control, and ‘oh how crafty the human mind can be, that’s a point of magic that happens instantly, just as soon as we have a moment of self-doubt, then out comes the true nature of our ways, with insidious behaviors that makes our day, because we’ve chased after the energy and now that it’s upon is, we can’t resist the way it makes us feel, invincible in the moment, but powerless when it’s gone, then on to the next victim as if nothing wrong, when the victim is us, we inflict on others, that smothers our chances from Amalgamating to Life.

But what is right when one is stuck in the mind, without asking questions like, ‘what is the mInd and what are these thoughts coming up in my head, or what is this feeling of wanting to be dead, or give up on life, and what is life, and if I’m right then what is wrong, and why do I let songs change my mood and why is money the only thing that move me, and how can I prove this all to be, and if it’s true what do I do about it and how do I stop this from plaguing me. And that right there is the first steps to stopping this Infectious Affect we have allowed on ourselves and others in our lives, by asking Questions; where the correction would be;


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how what I say, in the words that I speak, and what I’ve done, in the actions I’ve perpetuated throughout my live, may have had an effect on others in my world, unbeknownst to me, in the heat of the moment for the experience of an energetic rush, that came and went, then went on to the next person to try an control them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I was in control of my life, by way of controlling others to get what I want, as a normal excursion I was taught growing up, and in this way life was all about me, instead of seeing/realizing/understand, if life is all about me why subject others to my demands, when I need to correct the demon in me, to be able to see others as myself, and do unto others what I would like to be done unto, no more or less, that would equalize my stance with existence as a whole, and so break the cycle of having this infectious affect on others in my world, as per the personality I created from childhood, where;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality from what I was taught that competition is the key to survival and so need as many people as possible on my side to win at what I do, and so subjected my ‘subjects’ to my self-interested thoughts/words/deeds, that may have been unproductive in the walking of their own life process, and for some detrimental, that I would soon forget about and not take self-responsibility for until now, thinking it’s not my problem, but in fact played a role in the life they live, that makes me a part of the way they turned out. And so on and so forth until I’ve/we’ve corrected (in specificity) our thoughts, Words Deeds and Actions we’ve perpetuated towards others, that’s here now for our own well-being and self-correction point, because All needs to be corrected, and so here I stand, saying and correcting what I see, and commit myself to watching more closely my interactions with others and most importantly, what comes up within myself when interacting with others, to stop this insidious behavior we have coined and build our own reality and this reality around. To simply stop having an Infectious Affect we call "Affection" on ourselves as others in our lives and Life as a whole. I ‘Raid’ the point.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 25 Mar 2019, 19:59

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 809: Solidarity (Perspective)

Clearly we only see what we want to see, that makes us be who we want to be, and just so happen if our be-ing is best for all that’s good being that it’s also best for me, but perceptually speaking we give perspective without asking the question what’s really going on, then wonder who’s the real authority in the matter, that don’t matter because I’m sticking to what I said, that’s soon forgot as the way it is, and so stand in solidarity with the decision I’ve made, while knowing some of the decisions I’ve made, may not have been the best decisions I’ve made, that may be hard for me to go back and correct, because I’ve blasted out to the world my biggest regret (so to speak), and didn’t even think before I spoke, in a moment of reaction to invoke my will, and now stuck looking at the bigger picture to validate my will, instead of taking responsibility for the pill I created, and dished out to others in my world.

Self-investigation is the point of cremating a self-interested idea about something that was done. Investigate All things and keep that which is good, before standing in solidarity with something you don’t know about, (note to self) like just because someone says the room is yellow, why is it that we wholeheartedly believe it is, instead of taking a peek to see with our own eyes, it’s a bright Orange Color that’s more Red than White, so the person may be off just a bit in their view, that doesn’t mean we all have to be off to, and don’t go there this is not about you, but a perspective of what I see that’s all about me, like a Church being passed down from generation to generation, I’m not trying to repeat the same damn thing again, of walking around in fear, tippy toeing on egg shells, and Yes, I stand in solidarity with the message that was presented, and walk my darnedest in line with the principles that was presented, and meant it when I said, I commit myself to changing my ways, and that, I will Always stand in solidarity with.

Judge not less ye be judged, is a verse I had to rehearse and still rehearse the same today, without using judgement as a point of tit for tat, because all that I’ve judged I’ve brought it back to self, that’s a constant work in progress we all can agree, or at least I agree with changing what I see in me, and have plenty of times changed my stance, because I wasn’t standing in solidarity with my Self, but stood in solidarity with what I saw in the moment and now choose to stay within that same moment of things, as if I didn’t just jump the gun with things, or ever made a decision from a point of reaction, in fact when making a decision I disseminate things, without disassembling the fine lines within these things, at times when I’m stuck in the mind with things, a design that needs to be fully walked out, without exempting myself from what this is all about, I’m in fact the mirror that shows me you, and should do my best to stand equal to and one with us, but that’s a given.

Solidarity is also a point of; ‘Dare I go solo I need to stand with somebody, and it’ll probably make me feel good about myself’, when probably I haven’t even stood with myself (all the time) and understood myself to correct my stance, and man I feel lonely when I’m ostracized, because I haven’t exercised my right to speak up for life, as all as one and equal as myself, and so stuck between the truth and the fabrication of things, I mean well, but being ‘mean’ and ‘well’ don’t go together, and forever and a day, I’ve been this way, and just now seeing it standing out in me, that’s been passed time for me to take responsibility for, and for sure at best you see me taking self-responsibility and stand in solidarity with the responsibility I’ve taken.

I mean if you see a point in me that I’m sleeping on, don’t hesitate to awake me ‘hastily’ so I can see it in fact, that’ll help me correct the things that I lack and give back with the next point of assistance needed to be given, so we all can stand in solidarity with the correction thereof and equalize our standing with each other.

What I’ve learned is it’s alright to be wrong, just as long as I point out My wrongs to be right, no matter who’s watching I have to do it for MY life, that just might also support someone else, therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stood in solidarity with the idea of being who I want to be, instead of being who I really am with all as life, in spite of seeing/know the point of self-perjury, where I let my personality, jury me in to validating the decisions I’ve made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself archive the decisions I’ve made, and not once consider disassembling them, to ensure with cross reference the practicality of them in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself power within reacting to what I may disapprove of, and so want to bring others within it to check their stance, because I’m on a roll now, without realizing how sneaky of a role my mind can play within it that may seem right, that I have every right to, instead of correcting my wrongs.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how vulnerability can be a gift, to not exempt myself from also being assisted within a point of correction, from Anyone who sees it, and so walk the point and get it done with and move on to the next phase of my life and that’s it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be my own self point of correction with accepting things being pointed out to me, because my life is all about me, and now accept assistance from those who’ve walked points that I now am, and so stand in solidarity with all constructive critical support from anyone in my world, as a helping hand.


Where when and as I see myself wavering away from any points of assistance presented and/or given to me by another as others in my world, I stop and breathe, then take a step back to see where I am failing to take responsibility as my own self point of self-coercion within myself. I see/realize/understand how easy it is to just be ok with things, surrounding the self-image I’ve created of myself and presented as flawless to the world, that’s a point of limitation in fact, and so hereby commit myself to stop separating myself from solidifying myself within the point of correction and change/assisted to change with points of correction, but change the core systems of my beliefs and stand in solidarity with that in fact.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 29 Mar 2019, 22:56

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... e-ongoing/

Day 810: Let’s Talk Change (The Ongoing)

In walking in line with process, the topic came up of change, my experiences thereof, the lessons within, the rapid and sudden snap into, the nature thereof in fact, the connection between change and the process being walked at Desteni, and reference to it being the only constant in life. Enjoy!

Unforecastable that only can be lived, then seen through the eye on an on looker, that’s been present in one’s world/reality for quite some time, change shows the difference between the read of the previous page, and the chapter one is currently scanning through the reading of you, in the book of our own self-evolution, where in such cases the opposite is veered as a point of reverence, where one wants to revisit the person you were, and at time push the envelope to open you up with old suggestions and so question the space in which you stand, but if change in you is real and ever so prevalent, no such thing can happen.

In fact when standing on the precipice of change, the first step into the unknown, becomes comfortable and easy to do, being that for so long our range of acceptance has dwindled to the point of frustration, that we now realize to be a point of correction and so step with grace off the cliff face, expanding our array of reality by being the point of direction therein, so when change is mention best conceive it was in our awareness of doing.

A convoluted version of change happens to many that want to be ‘saved’, that’s exacerbated within the realm of religion, a real-mind job and sob to accept a feeling that never comes and sticks, but only send chills up your spine in line with the adrenaline rush you get when running away from a conflictual problem, that you don’t want to solve in hopes that it’ll just die away, then sing gospel songs in praising the lord after a prayer session, stating; “The things I used to do, I don’t do no more”, “The way I used to be, I don’t be no more”, lol, that’s not relevant, being that we then turn right back around and curse the next person out in our minds that pissed us off, which makes religion all about a presentation without living the presence of what’s being said.

But oddly enough as real change is upon me, this song came up and I had to laugh, because it’s now relevant to what I live, and looking back at what I thought I was living, turned out to be a point of abdicating my self-responsibility, by talking the talk, but walking away speechless, because there was nothing in my life to back up the words I was singing, and so would spring into this character everytime I went to church. So simply put, my definition of change that I learned (back then), was how good one could talk about it, and recite things that would excite the congregation into elation.

[Meanwhile into Adulthood] -

Incapsulated with addiction inflicts a willingness to do nothing, most of the time, when time was of the essence to get things done, as I have experienced to not even do the things that I liked, when lost within the train of thought, rolling down tracks of ignorance, ignoring the finer things that life have to offer blissfully, that didn’t always consist of money and/or material possessions, and learned a lesson the hard way, that life is a constant and will pass you by if you let it, then had a realization standing in the middle of a nightclub at 5am in the morning, that something had to give then left, and hadn’t went back since, with the same lostness intent (I had) of losing myself in the music, and proved it when cross
referencing the point later on in life. And at that point right there, was my first step into the unknown of change.

I read what a friend wrote and I quote “There is no one who can’t change through the desteni process, just takes the time and dedication. Self-Forgiveness works”, that I give two thumbs up, being that before I discovered Desteni, my thumbs was always facing down toward myself, unsatisfied with the life I walked into and was living, and so with Desteni learned what it really mean to be forgiven, by way of forgiving oneself for one’s own acceptances and allowances, that allowed me to see, then realize and so walk into changing myself, where in adding corrections to what I was forgiving (and still do), simplified what it is that I am supposed to do, when and/or if such occurrences resurface again. Living the “When and as I see myself” statement, the take action part, and that part right there is the connection point with Self, one’s own Destiny and the process I’m walking Here with Desteni, of changing the world starting with changing myself, into birthing myself from the physical, out of the mind consciousness system and into Life, in fact. So, in fact ‘Yes’ the only thing constant, outside of Breathing in this life is Change. How do you experience it?

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 02 Apr 2019, 18:26

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... g-it-easy/

Day 811: Taking it Hard vs Taking it Easy

The news we get triggers the pain we feel, as if the pain we feel is inflicted by contact, although know it’s not like that, we still feel the pain as if a piece of us will never be the same, the subject at hand is how hard we take it, that’s easy for us to hold the pain inside, and the subject at hand is how to take it easy, when realizing this pain is really on our side, but hold on to your trouser this is not a debunking, but a difference between reality and what we feel, where the reaction to what we feel is energy based, and the reality of things is what we’ve created, that doesn’t always mean what we’ve created is jaded, but have paved the way to what we experience in our world, and how we take it to our own demise that lies to us every time we feel or think we see something.

Attachments are like points of comfortability to someone, or something in our world we got from someone, or even becoming attached to an idea in our mind, that our mind present to us to circumvent out stance, that we then take hard, thinking I may have things wrong, then lose sleep over this pulsating realization, waiting for an answer we can obviously give ourselves, but want the world around us to hold our hand, and walk us through the same mind point again, as if I hadn’t just been down that road before, every time ending up in the same position, of missing the obvious in the solution being me, to again realizing how the mind complicates things, but want to complicate the relationship I have with others, just to validate the bullshit I got going on inside and hide behind the point of misinformation.

Within this, interesting the point of taking it easy, like I have the ability to direct myself, when I’ve been walking a certain way for so long, any extra additives could interrupt my flow, so best not to add these additive to my sharing, and dare myself to do something else, or else these additive will awaken my ego, and we all know how the ego likes to take it’s revenge, like “I’m a man and I can do what I want”, and if so, why want others to tell me what to do, when it’s easy for me to take a moment to look at what I’m saying, especially when alone and a long way from Self, while standing in the same body next to each other and rubbing shoulders with the inevitability of change.

We often times ask for the good news first, as if it’s a cushion for the bad news to coming, that won’t change the point of realizing the bad within self, that’s can be hard to swallow when it’s pointed out to me, being that the bad is a point of realizing the good, as a gift IF we stand and correct the bad, that encompasses the way in which we should walk, correcting our relationship with the news we get, that’s sometimes hard in unforeseen circumstances, that’s certainly not a walk in the park, like within the past year hearing that a few family members past, and not being able to go see them for the last time, or two significant others in your life needs special attention, it’s an good thing if you have sibling to be there for them, that a sigh of relief when the pressure starts to come, that comes at an moment’s notice during your down time, I mean if it wasn’t for the principles would I still be fine and how would I feel when getting this news, that’s critical as a need to stand still for something and as something and with those who stand as a point of support, but to support self-first to take things easy, and easily walk back into the Here and Now.

More to come…



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 Apr 2019, 19:54

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... flip-side/

Day 812: Doing it Hard vs Doing it Easy (The Flip Side)

The hard way of doing thing is wanting to take the easy route, that’s not really easy after it’s all said and done, then realize how easier thing could have went, if only I would have been patient when doing this and that, then take it pretty hard when we don’t do that, that attracts a reaction to what we didn’t do, and react to the way we chose to do things, when we should have taken this time to reflect on the correction.

Unless when investigating the hard way of things, verses the easy way of doing things that shows us the pattern, and flabbergast about it by way of being passive, until the fun in what we’ve done is taken away, I mean how long does it really take after realizing a mistakes, before the time comes when we do it again, and what do we do in the time in between, but to sit there wasting more time in between, like sitting there and waiting for the world to change, with a world wind of thoughts about changing me, but doing nothing about it, being set in our ways, and upset at the world for not changing quickly, it’s like each time we start from scratch we detach ourselves from the stand in which we’re trying to achieve, and plead to the universe to take care of me, because I’m doing everything that the system requires, then get tired because I’ve been thinking too much, and fuss about the thoughts going on in my mind, and get tripped up about how hard it is, when I’ve created this hardness for myself, that’s heart felt when laying it all out in front of me.

The point of being hard on oneself comes up a lot, that takes me back to a religious state of mind, but a fine line to walk – to not spiritualize my process or end up standing in a slouchy position, inferior to our process and position location, that places one back into the congregation of things, with a stench of being self-righteous that ‘I know a lot’, while looking up to others walking the same process, that should be seen as equals when walking the same process, and the gospel is to Not gossip about how someone else is walking, but to share what I got from how someone else is standing, and to not take it hard on myself when I wobble a bit, but accept the stabilizing factor of another’s support, and support myself to walk this way.

What I realize is in ease to breathe and move slow, that shows all point of how to take it easy, that’s pleasing to my ‘Self that I’m getting to know, that knows how to support my best in fact, where self-trust is the main factor in this equation, that equates each one getting to know one another, as the one selfless self that we all are, where thus far it’s been a process to get to this point, but to proceed in pointing out my flaws to me, along with my strengths, to take it easy, and be the point of solidified responsibility, and confidently step into the ever so changing me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize in comparison the difference between hard and easy, instead of seeing both as a point of support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play one against the other with negative energetic attachments to them, where I would let the news I get, affect me into taking things hard and excuse this as an un-expectancy, instead of realizing how I’ve place myself within a picture frame of this news in place of who or what the news was all about, and so react to the picture I see instead of taking this news unconditionally, without any emotional attachment, where at the same time, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and do nothing after getting some news, and excuse it to myself that I need to take it easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after realizing the state I’m in, be hard on myself, instead of (in ease) breathing and slowing myself down, that also applies to being able to see how hard I make things for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things hard for myself, by thinking (at times) the easy way is the way to go, which is in fact a rush job, instead of realizing patience goes a long way, to stop and breathe and take it easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined taking it easy, as; not doing much/a point of laziness, without realizing how things have to first be in place, in order to really take it easy, that an initial push is required, to set things up, then after things are consistent, one ‘may’ take it easy, but not as a point of laziness.


And so on and so forth, specific to how hard and easy things are/we take things in our own lives, that there is a need for both, that works well without any emotional attachment, and so that’s how I see the taking and perpetuating the Hard and Easy, as I am a work in progress.

Thanks for Reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 07 Apr 2019, 22:55

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ther-look/

Day 813: I’m Bored of You (Another Look)

Just a Perspective

When the smiles cease to exist and reality sets in, with burning cheek we try our best to hold on to this pose as long as we can, to cover up the truth of things, that I’m getting bored of you but don’t want to say it, that all the energy I put into our interaction was fake and have now come full circle, where it hurts to even look at the person that I was and all of the above is true in most relationships, that makes it easy to disconnect and move on to the next ‘One’, except when one is comfortable within this suppression, that lessens any chances of a real connection, accepting the point of agreeance to disagree and that fine with me, then spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t like, that might just give up before you do, and now you’re stuck thinking what did I do, and what’s wrong with them, will they ever change their mind, when all this time we’re the ‘One’ who got bored with them.

If it’s not a match best to detach, that saves you both time from getting attached to an Idea, a feeling and a horrible way of living, especially when the relationship was built off a touch, that I like the way they touch me and that’s enough, and the rest of the time spent chasing after that first touch, that for a short while covers up the bullshit we exist as, in the pulpit of addiction reading a book of complacency, placing me deeper into a congregation of doubt, then shout at each other about meaningless things, in bringing up the past of what you did to me, and after it’s all said and done makeup sex is the best, and rest easy in sorrow that I love you so much, then wake up, just to do it all over again, because I’ve spent this whole time being bored of you, instead of connecting with you.

When getting to know someone on a first name bases, best to test the relationship to see what they say, and I’m seeing it right now how this could create, the space and time needed to see if they stay, not in a deliberate way of pushing their buttons, but talk about something substantial to see what they’re made of, and maybe push the point a bit to see what they’re afraid of, because if we’re going to spend a time in our life with them, I want to make sure I’m having the time of my life with them, and give them the best that I have to offer, that’s offering nothing less than the best of me.

I’m getting bored of you, in the sense of monotony, I probably should stop worrying about what others think of me, and confidently stand up to take responsibility, for thinking others can bore a reaction out of me, when in fact I’m not allowing myself to see, just how much I’ve ignored the commonality I have with another when self-interest is pushed aside, and lie in vulnerability that we’re so much alike, without lying with an Ego that we’re so much alike, as a point of chatting the other person up for sex, then get to the orgasm and in retrospect, regret the way I’m feeling so depleted.

Communication is needed to supersedes the boredom, and more so to really get to know one another, that uncovers the surprise of getting to know oneself through the eyes of another more than just by myself, because for so long I’ve been by myself, instead of standing with self to see what I let pass by, then tell myself that the eyes don’t lie, when looking through the mind at what we chose, that goes hand and hand with what we oppose, and wonder why the hell do I get bored so quick.

When there’s no consideration for the one’s we pick, we wish that we could turn back the hands of time, just as fast as we say I changed my mind, and stand spineless to say I did this to me, and plead that the other person don’t figure you out, without letting you into their world in fact, to be a match of how quickly you both can get bored with one another, that smothers any chances of advancing ahead, and end up settling for a few night stands, that stands in the way of correcting our boredom, we hoard as an escape door when the mind is fed up, and full off the energy we feed to it.

But what about me when I need a fix, to fix the way I relate to others and create relationships that meaningful with others, along with myself that’s full of life, where the life we lead is fruitful in fact, and this right here is the correction for that;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how I perpetuate my own self-boredom onto others in my world after a rosy moment of interaction and want to stay within the pose of a smile, until my cheeks start hurting and reality sets in, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to binge off of boredom and bring others into it, because I’m not settled within the space that I stand, and so have become restless with self and the self of another, to think that I am bored of you, that smother any chances of getting to know them correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bored with the idea of having a relationship, if it’s not based in the self-interest of how I feel, then enter into a relationship chasing after a feeling - that the way they touch me feel oh so good, not realizing the “Oh” is an ‘Ah ha” moment to see the pattern of desire to feeling ‘oh so good’, and the “So” is the disconnect of not regarding self, as a moment of saying ‘I don’t care’, and the “Good” is to ‘go do’ whatever I want, to the detriment of any relationship I find myself in, then become bored with the person after the feeling is gone, in the continuous repeat of the same old song. (So to speak).


The investigation begins when you get bored of being bored, and asking yourself, why can’t I find the right one, then use the introspection equation in looking at the word boredom, to see how one is boring oneself to death. Are you bored yet?

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 13 Apr 2019, 19:33

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... f-subside/

Day 814: The Reactionary Self (Subside)

Ever so subtly within the birth of a doubt, the claim ‘I doubt it’ births a movement of uncertainty, that flirts with the idea, “I must be right and they’re all wrong”, “you just wait and see”, “they’ll see it my way”, then sit back and wait, where in waiting through the waste of time nothing ever change, then react to one’s own unchanging perception that messes with the perspective we’re trying to get across, that gets lost in translation without knowing all the details, and swell up at anyone who on the opposite side.

Interesting how most reactions are not about self, but about someone else and what they’re going through, unless in belief that I’m not good enough, and so react by closing myself off to other, in other words self-pity is the theory in fact that attracts a reaction inverted towards self, and the sorrowful feeling that something’s wrong with me, is but a dreamscape of illusion that I let confuse me / the state I’m in with self-acceptance, instead of accepting and correcting my reactionary self, thinking it’s just the way I am, sensitive to my feeling, when the real point at hand is how I’m disconnecting from me.

Through reactions we slowly disconnect from self, in fact when slowly disconnecting from self, we start to feel pain and want to blame it on a condition, then take antibiotics to suppress our condition, that says it within the word itself, Anti-body; ‘against the body’ that makes one psychotic to not see clear, where fear as a reaction then to step in, that defines our relationship with becoming angry, and once we’re angry we become impatient, and want the whole world to see just how fake it is, (in essence), playing the part of being the reactionary self, while saying, “I’m just sticking to what I said”.

Two heads is better than one in the equation of 1+1 - equaling supporting one another to see a point, within a friendship or partnership alike, that might just change our reactionary self, but most of the time we want to be left alone and zone out on the energy we receive, which always end in a point of Dis-ease and unsatisfied with the way I reacted, in closed caption of the picture I was seeing, then project this picture via the reactionary self, towards others in our world we share ourselves with, that blinds us from seeing what the other is trying to share, as a point of support that they’ve been there to, where all we have to do is take heed to what they’re saying, instead of delaying the point of taking self-responsibility, that gives us the ability to act on change, instead of reinforcing the possession we’re in.

The point of compromise is so subtly crafted, where in the moment of doing something we fail to see the reaction, that veils the original promise one made to oneself, that this time I’ll get it right, then all else fails, because one chose not to listen to one’s own self, to just be patient and walk through the point, and come out on the other side having transcended the point, that takes fortitude to stand and become the point, that anoints oneself into a world of possibilities, to prominently reaching one’s utmost potential.

At the dimming of the brow, marks the confusion to what we see, that lays out perfectly a platform of reaction, that we place our emotions on and spread throughout our world, where anyone we come in contact with is subject to our delusion, and with a bruised Ego disregard the words we’re choosing, in spite of knowing exactly what we’re doing.

So the point to pursue when calming ones reactions, is to breathe through what you’re hearing, that starts before interacting, because there’s no use to fearing what has already happened, and if you’re seeing what could happen then go the other way, none less than correcting our way of perceiving things, that spawns the belief that this person is against me, that may not be the case, just a point of mistaken identity, unable to identify the reaction they’re in, and so we are.


In which case; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally that’s most likely about someone else, where I become confused, unable to identify the reaction they’re in, that I then let spawn a reaction in me, interrupting the fortitude in which I stand, to take a trip down Ego lane, and find myself swerving into other people’s lanes, and crash head on into a point of conflict, instead of taking it as an indication/flag point when feeling my eyebrows dimming, that my reactionary self is starting it’s engine, in which case, I should take a step back, slow myself down and Breathe in and out to let this negative energy subside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I’m right within a reaction and that everyone else is wrong, to just wait and see, then sit there waiting, and let my reaction get stronger because now I’m reacting to nothing ever changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see my point of view, within a reaction and become adamant about this squeezed together puzzle picture I put together in my mind, from bits and pieces of information I gather from different people in my world, to create this abstract conclusion, and stand by the blurriness of what I’m saying, until this whole idea just fade away, then have to go back and correct my stance, instead of standing in place in a uncomfortable position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, everytime we react we place ourselves/myself in an uncomfortable position, that also hurt others to see, even if they’re aware of it or not, where the state we’re in dictates the situation we create/I create, that may affect others as much as it does me, because I choose to react inappropriately to something that’s not really about me/about us, but against my own self-interest and Ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self-interest and Ego to interrupt the calmness of my being, bypassing it straight into opening the door of our human nature, that’s not a pretty picture no matter how you look at it, in spite of life as the person before us we’re choosing to perpetuate the reactionary self towards. Therefore;

When and as I see myself feeling the urge to dim my eyebrows as a sign of confusion to what I’m seeing/hearing or reading, that don’t sit well with my self-interest and Ego, without first investigation what it is that I’m coming across and go into reaction to/towards others in my world about, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am neglecting to respect the stance I committed myself to and that of others in my world, in their own world as me, in disregard of life itself, for a momentary boost of energy, that soon dies out just a quick as it came, then find myself having to live with the consequences of my reactions and ripples I created as infraction in my world, and so, I commit myself to be a participatory observer in awareness of every minute movement, in every moment that come up within and as me, to not let it get to the point of festering, growing to spilling out into my world, but from the first contact breathe and clear myself to be able to walk through the point and come out on the other side having corrected myself from embodying the reactionary self.

Thanks for reading.




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