Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 17 Apr 2019, 18:22

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... orrection/

Day 815: Tell ‘Tale Signs (Self-Correction)

The veil that keeps us away from responding to one’s own infractions through indirectly pointing out what others are going through, in an orderly fashion, not by way of attacking, but to get a reaction from the one we’re telling, where a wowing moment is recreated and repeated for others to feel defeated and depleted for a moment, then stated ‘you took my breath away’, and that’s unbelievable’, then leave the conversation incomplete because I failed to keep the conversation on me. So, the question is can one be trusted to see discretely and at the same time keep our interactions all about us, as the person in front of you.

Vulnerability is the key to correcting any point, first and foremost, it take a real human being to expose oneself then let it go, and go on with ones life living the correction, and introspect anything that’s coming up before hand, to not place oneself in the same position again, and that’s what you call living responsibly and confidently correcting each part of me, that I see needs work and work my process, in process of anything that I need to work on, therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a pattern of not seeing/realizing the tell ‘tale signs, as the vail that covers up my own infraction, to in a way put on blast what someone else is going through, when any conversation I’m in should be all about me and the other person, and that’s it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it’s valid to use others as a conversation piece that has nothing to do with me, where if it did, one should still just talk about one’s own part within it, to not fall for/into the trap of gossip.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how gossip is so subtly crafted with a fine line that borders, all about me verses all about them - that it’s fairly easy to step over the line, if one is not careful, that takes my undivided attention when conversing with others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to converse with others in my world at times, where I’ve failed to keep the conversation ‘at home’ (per say) communicating only on that which I see in the moment with who I’m communicating with, but instead at the moment of silence, take that as an indication to continue the conversation about other occurrences, not about me, and/or in the sense of sharing my realizations about a topic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, how it’s a tell ‘tale sign to others, when using others in conversations outside of being a practical example of how they’re standing or taking a stand in their own world, in their own life, that could support one’s own standing in one’s own world, to stand for/as one’s best self, instead of gravitating toward the conflict within things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be apt to gravitate towards the conflict of things with others in my world, about others in my world, and even so when all about me, instead of speaking on which way I’m processing to correct myself within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how by not following one’s own tell ‘tale signs, is a point of delaying one own process, the prolonging factor, that factors in added on consequences to be walked, when one’s plate is already full, that makes one full of s***.

I mean there you have it, a seeing, reacting and doing, that’s far fetched from doing when one thinks that one did nothing wrong, but with self-honesty, We know exactly what’s being done, by us to us, and have to be corrected, in which case, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait this long to correct the point/pattern of using what others are going through to cover up my own infractions, no matter how small they may seem to others, I choose to stand in self-honestly with myself, for myself caring for the self I would like to be, And so, I commit myself to when and as I see such patterns coming up within and as me of telling, as a showing to myself, the coverups I exist as, I stop and breathe and the correct my stance in the moment, and with whom I’m with/interacting with, that way all my conversations is useful and fruitful and supportive to me, as well as the one I’m talking to. [All about Me].

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 18 Apr 2019, 19:26

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... anding-up/

Day 816: The Art of Falling (While Standing Up)

Ever so gracefully we stand conflicted and twisted, indicative to the things we miss, then miss our next step on the way down, holding on to a thought as the handrail to a fall, attempting to stand tall while doing so, explicit in nature it takes an Art form to do, that cataracts our eyes unable to see straight, where on the way down a million thoughts going through our mind, in hopes that the stumbling block don’t fall on top of me, the policy we use is to grab on to something, that’s a drag down affect to not go down alone, then hit rock bottom and lay there for a while, waiting for a helping hand of sympathy to validate my stay.

Checked in to the idea of powerlessness, the hopeless hotel hold us hostage at free will, that seal our fate with the grace of complacency, complaining about everything that got me too this point, and anyone who had a hand in this masterful fall, is a point blank stare from seeing the blame as being my own, where the community down here is closed knit and full of gossip, about the things we all had before we started to fall. In spite of one another we’ll keep each other from seeing what it really means to stand back up, but if the fall was full of grace, we would realize the consequences and what caused us to fall down in the first place.

Miss takes is a gift, if lived as a gift, it uplifts us from taking the fall down so hard, where the bracing for impact becomes a tracing back, to the root cause that cushions the fall we’re on, capitalizing on the in between moments is a component of taking the best of what we learned from the moments before hand, that allows us to see our way back up to eventually correcting our stance, It’s not to say or even validate “hey go make a mistake”, because if it’s purposefully done the gift won’t come, which make this mistake a waste.

A hilarious occurrence that’s not really hilarious, is clipping the next step short, where for some reason it’s funny like a crash test dummy, to step into someone’s way, a tremendous shock to the system in plot of jealousy coming our way, where in some cases it amazes the perpetuators stance when getting punched dead in the face, as a wake up call to how us humans interact in such derogatory ways, towards each other because we fall so much, want to see others do the same, it’s a shame and a downgrade of our human beingness to experience a fall in this way, then laugh at our shortcomings, that cuts our life short, thinking life is just a game (When it’s not).

Being pushed to the brink of collapse is a mishap we often find ourselves in, where getting on our nerves is a curve ball of the mind that in time becomes a bit absurd, meaning absent from self, redirected into reaction, that’s a showing of how we’re not in control, then lose our balance and start wigging out, as our legs begin to bend and fold. Not always their fault, we’re so well versed in doing this on our own, where the overwhelming factor is created in our mind, that everything is always wrong.

The family dynamic where the kids don’t listen and my partner do anything they want, that’s a drain on me because I cook and clean and make sure they have what they need, then the breakdown happens in a sub-sequential fashion and find myself down on my knees, until I realize, this is the life that I chose, that’s not always a rose, but how can I make it the best for me, then get back up after a long time coming and take responsibility, by way of making sure that before the next fall, I covered all angles that I see, in bringing things back to self to correct then fall ever so gracefully, and if that’s the case I know the steps to take that would elevator my ascend, in the sense of sending a message to self that I’m correcting the state I’m in. And so;


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider the art of falling to be a point of support in my life, where in every fall there’s a lesson to be learn that really takes place, before and during the brink of collapse, where if I were to slow myself down in watching things accumulate, I would see the consequences coming, and so when the fall happens as the outflowed consequence to what I accumulated through my reactions, I would already know the way back up and correction it takes to remain standing when faced with the same life lesson again, Therefore;

That would then make the redefinition of the word FALL/FALLING = a Forecast in Awareness, a Life Lesson. Simply seeing it coming. The Art of Falling.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 23 Apr 2019, 20:44

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -impaired/

Day 817: Thinking Impaired

Murphy’s Law was designed for those of us who were told ‘think, think, think by a teacher who didn’t take the time to show us how to do things/understand things correctly, (in grade school) that we soon found hard to do and/or understand growing up into adulthood, and so stood in limbo everytime a complexed problem would arise, accepting this fear as normal, that would manifest our demise without questioning the lie it was to think, think, think, and so separated ourselves into two between a complicated thought process of what’s right and wrong and the common sense in the reality round us.

It's common for us to think impaired because we think in pairs, in relation to the polarity of what’s good/bad, right/wrong, then overcomplicate it even more be comparing ourselves to what we perceive others are thinking about us, and so make our judgements about them, based on our perceptions and stand by our morality on either side that suits our self-interest, chasing after which side is More- All-It and Why, and so, create a life that’s divided by the thoughts we think.

Hindsight often times become the reflection to the thoughts we’ve allowed to manifest our connection to the mess we find ourselves in, projected and sown, interwoven into the reality in which we live, while spiting the idea, my thoughts had nothing to do with it, which in fact did and will do it again until we correct what we’re thinking. Simply put, we don’t realize how thinking creates the experience of us in our reality’.

Casually we float around in our minds attached to pretty pictures, Ideas and dreams of having/getting to a good life, but do nothing about it, as if the idea of it is enough, and ride off into the sunset, set with just the layout, then lay out under the sun of thought, baking our bodies for a feast of the mind. and call this growing old gracefully.

We come to replace the absolute of two or more in my name, and life is there, with two or more thought about the same thing must be real, then share our real lies about being pulsated by the universe about what we believe, that creates our life in Dis-ease, then think smoking a cigarette is the only cause of cancer, when we Can’t-See-Where our thoughts are coming from, and despise what we deem as despicable in nature, which is our own human nature that averts us from directive thinking.

But when thinking in pairs on what’s best for all, opens the door for seeing all as me, where through lines of communication each one can be, their own point of responsibility for the thoughts we think, to for a second just have a look at the thoughts you think, then pair them with the look you’re having, to see how one is allowing oneself to be directed and not be the directive principle in one’s own life.

The best correction is when one takes a step back and forgive oneself as a directive point, to take notice of not being the point of self-direction, then proceed onto the corrective phase, such as;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how I allow my mind to direct me, in bringing up to follow random thought outside of my own volition, that I then create these pretty pictures, ideas and dreams around, and do nothing about it, but believe that the layout I’m seeing is enough, with no action, then wonder why my life remain the same with no change, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how I am thinking impaired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in pairs of polarity, between the right/wrong, good and bad morality point, then lean toward the side that’s more all it, in a sense, that suits my self-interest, never asking the question why, because of the belief that it’s immoral to question my Ego as the beliefs I’ve grown into from childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that there is nothing wrong with the thoughts I think, that I should just accept being directed by a mind I can’t see, because it’s within my nature to do so, plus everyone else is doing it, so it must be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the thoughts I think, that’s mostly about others in my world, I create as a point of envy/jealousy or judgement about, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how I am giving my power away to the point of self-judgement that I allow my mind to dictate, and so follow it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a feeling/movement inside me to - ‘Think and do’, instead of Think, See, investigate and Do Corrections if need be, that way, what comes up in my mind don’t just spill out into my world, that would create my world as an imbalance, but to filter my thoughts and words, by way of a correction screening, that cleans the door mat leading into my world, so I may step into the ever so changing me, as the thought director writing the script of my life.


And so, when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to vacate my directors chair through a point of resistance in resisting to correctly filter what comes up within and as me, as a point of thinking impaired, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I’ve allowed myself to accept the wheelchair of things, to just sit back and enjoy the ride, instead of getting back to the point of responsibility, that lies on a directors shoulders, to awaken my utmost potential by directing my thoughts and so my world/reality and life, to do what’s is best for all.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 26 Apr 2019, 20:20

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ugh-patch/

Day 818: The Wish List (Rough Patch)

The idea of Karma is deep seed and said or thought in the heat of the moment toward someone in our world we believe done us wrong, stating “I wish something will happen to you”, and if so happen it do, we feel vindicated and thankful for the validation of this negative energy dispensed from it, that suits us just fine, never considering (In mind) what have we done to attract this ‘wrong doing’ onto our Self.

The belief that I’m a good person is rehearsed out of fear, because we now have different morals about things, as in religion, ‘I want to be saved’ as the only starting point for doing unto others as I would like to be done unto, unless they piss me off, then all goes out the window and off the porch, but preach a different story to attain to some heavenly glory that won’t come, until we see how we’ve manifested these things onto ourselves.

I mean who wants to be good, if we always finish last, then wonder how can they be bad and nothing happens to them, creating a pity party with all the bells and whistles, and then sit there in the middle of it wishing we could be bad to, as if it was that simple, without a bad bone in my body, but wish bad onto the next person who points out my problems, then feel bad if something was to happen to them, while claiming to be free of sin and liking everybody, or is it just a hobby we do to not experience conflict, and so keep to ourselves while creating this wish list.

Cocky in thought when following a belief system, that they don’t want to mess with me because God is going to get them, but what about the mess it is to believe a system, that tells one no matter what always play the victim, and do unto others as they would do unto you, ever so subtly a mastery of contortion that distorts the original message of Jesus, ‘to treat others as you would like to be treated’, At all time especially when understanding how the mind plays games, then rebuke the claim done in his name, while delving out portion of the devil we keep placed in a mind pocket, to be used for such a day we’re faced with a problem.

Manipulatively manipulated by our minds, we’ll find ways to do something we’ve come to realize being not in our best interest, ‘in the long run, I mean a taste of the past won’t hurt nobody, I’ll just do self-forgiveness for it, and be all good”, is a fascinating trap that we use at times to part ways (for a moment) with the process we’re walking, then take it one step further by placing in the ‘testing it out’ aspect to validate our infraction, that just so happen to make things harder “in the long run” because we’ve waited this long to decide to run away from our process, then wonder why we always feel guilty about S***.

Because we’re guilty and we know it and everybody/being and thing do to – where there is really no place you can be alone, the record button is always on (so to speak), even in your bathroom sitting on the toilet, or an abandoned beach, we’re still watching ourselves with everything around us, cause our thoughts are not secret and our looks fool no one, so why characterize the state we’re in, within the wish that others would just leave us alone, or go to hell that we’re already in, with no way out until we correct ourselves and the secret wish list we perpetuate towards and about others in our world.

I would say how we’ve defined privacy is; a privilege to Not see exactly what we do unto others in our minds, how we de-frame to puppeteer the image of them, just so we can have our way, thinking this to be a correction point to how we’re feeling – that’s stealing the energy right out of us, and so chase after more energy because we’re now depleted and feel defeated because we didn’t complete the initial interaction we had with someone to the point of clarity, so now we need our privacy to think about it, but to create a wish list for those who don’t give it to us.

Wishful thinking houses no good results, so what makes us think wishing bad on someone will, outside of all the energy it take to conjure up a wish, makes one wish I never wished in the first place, a conundrum of willing myself to be selfish, instead of selfless which includes everyone else equally, the key is to act on the thoughts we think by way of correcting ourselves for the thought we think, and so step away from the wishing well and put the penny back into my pocket.

More to come…



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Carlton
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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 29 Apr 2019, 19:55

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... t-will-it/

Day 819: The Wish List (Will It)

From wish bones to thinking positive, in hopes that we can wish away all our problems, it’s so engrained within us to look for an easy way out, when trapped in a mind that feeds us doubt, then pout about doing some of the thinks we do, because the wish we had didn’t come through, like we wish we can turn back the hands of time, then go back to that time and sit right there, unconsciously replaying the same thing again, then wish someone could save me from what I’m experiencing, never once realizing how we’ve wished this upon ourselves, and fail to see self-will within a wish.

I Will my Self to stay right Here, the enactment of a wish granted by self, with no enchantment that panics the heart into submission, when listening to what the mind tells us to do, the power we have to make things happen, comes when we disregarding the Ego of self-interest, and replace it with self-trust as our only interest, and that’s the action behind the wish we have. A responsible self is to wish about self and take the steps to walk the wish through, that I’m doing for me what no one else can do, that so makes our wish become a reality.

I mean, how can we possibly claim that our wish came true, when we’ve told someone exactly what we wanted, for birthdays and holidays or as a point of making up, in relationships that thrives off of the s*** we make up, and wish that the other never catch wind to what we’re doing – but they sometimes do that knock the wind out of our relationship, because we’ve relied on an unrelatable wish, and wish that they would give us just one more chance.

Going at the speed of light won’t get you nowhere, unless you’re aware of the speed in which you travel, I wish that people would respond on time, instead of taking their time to respond to me, is a rush for an answer we may not want to see, on our part, and their reasons for waiting is their own burden to bear, that may become clear when they choose to respond, but until that time to move on with our lives.

Cross my fingers and close my eyes and turn around three times then open them up, is all it takes to make one dizzy and silly with the idea of wishing myself stable, instead of standing up and stiffening my legs when walking through the rough patches in points I have to face, then face myself head on and will myself to change from the list of points I will to change.

So yes a wish could be a waste of time, or a willingness to change Self in time, I no longer wish to change my mind, but to change the way I’ve allowed my mind to follow such a preprogrammed design of wishing instead of willing my world to change, and becoming the wheel I will to change, that would chain me to the wheel of my process, Acceptably and accept every good and bad thing of me, as a point of self-correction.


Therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how a wish can be supportive when redefined from a hopeful/spiteful thing towards other in our worlds, to that of an inversion grant, to/towards self, in willing myself to be Here and ever so present, walking the ever so changing me, through an ever so changing process of self-correction, listing out my points of correction to be corrected and so correct them in time, as only I can do for myself, especially when being show by others in my world, what I have accepted and allowed as me, by way of thinking that I’ve been done wrong, and so should will myself to correct and change what I see, instead of wishing bad on others for hurting my pride, that’s an extra additive when abdicating ones self-responsibility from perpetuating one’s own Self willpower, to becoming empowered to reach one’s utmost potential, that don’t luck when one is walking it out.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 May 2019, 19:26

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -just-ask/

Day 820: Worst Case Scenario (Just Ask)

In case the worst side of me comes out, pardon me for the interruption and disruption to the interaction I’m having with you, that interrupts the flow of things, because what I’m seeing is things ending all bad, and so sprint towards a new beginning without correcting what I thought, and saw within the hay stack of the mind, that I let shine through what’s real and in front of me. I mean the belief that it’s ok to hint towards a hidden perception instead of asking the question; ‘what do you mean’, provokes a reaction, even towards self, ‘How do you mean’ by reacting, so passively toward what I think is happening, that could happen but didn’t and won’t, because what I’m figuring is but a figurine in the mind spinning around a figure 8 turned sideways, infinitely believing what’s coming up within me is real.

It’s rather addictive to excite the senses to get the adrenaline rushing and running, the idea of getting caught when doing something is most accepted and sought after, to the point of it becoming engrained within us, so when least expected we chase after the polar opposite of it by creating in our minds these worst case scenarios to compensate for the misconceptions we have about something.

The leap of faith, faithfully depicted by the mind creates a delusional pillow for one to land on when jumping to conclusions, confused about what’s not proven but believed, when lying there on our backs unable to breathe in moderate repetition of 4’s, but rapidly and sporadically while bracing for impact - that what I’m seeing in fact may be real, and accept this feeling as being trusted and true, although this is a point of self-abuse, by way of using oneself in cahoots with a mind that analyzes everything negatively, as a preferred method to keeping this belief system alive and in tack, waiting for the next thing to react to, and if it just so happens we say “I knew it”, and think we’ll be ready for the next time around, but when around comes back we repeat the same thing again.

Thick skin is for those of us who are master suppressers, suppressing any reaction in front of others, smothering the idea that something’s wrong with me, that seeps through in nervousness, being angst was my claim to fame, “what if they don’t like me”, “what if they can see my bad and ugly”, “will they judge me”, and when not, go somewhere alone and cry about it, because I was wrong for not accepting the acceptance of others accepting me for who I am, and not who I was back then, when sharing myself unconditionally with them, as another hidden dimension of worst case scenarios.

Mind tricks the being into thinking the body’s crazy, by injecting fear within the core of our beingness, through feeding us a cocktail for disaster = “To think the worse and hope for the best” and call this being prepared, that scares the living s*** out of us, as if something is happening and when it don’t, we sigh in relief, because we’ve just escaped the reliving of a lie we perpetuated towards our self, or so we think, where with every blinking of the eye we enslave ourselves further away from living our life here, in hopes for a better one in the hereafter - that’s a chapter that won’t come until we correct what’s here.

To take the fear away, we then sit back singing “99 bottles of beer on the wall” then fall asleep (and while sleep) go deep into consciousness that keep us bent on believing our thoughts and beliefs are all we got, and fear is healthy, not considering the fear we have is of ‘not fearing’, where we believe if we don’t fear we’re not human and if we don’t have emotions and feeling we should be locked away in an insane asylum which = As-You-Live-Undermining-Me as the Self we are, that’s far from a solution, to prove it, how many human-beings come away from this fixed?

It’s a trick to depict a picture and strip away the reality within it, placing ourselves as the point of downfall or abuse, as we allow the mind to use this as a point of distraction, I mean I’ve done this all the same which causes me shortness of breath, to heavy breathing to catch up for the breaths I lost, to feeling depleted, in the dislocation of self, which is associated with being content, spending our entire life tired with no fulfillment - that we fill in the blank spots with feelings, defining ourselves by the way You make me feel, because what you said I took and ran with it, straight into a worst case scenario in my mind and now I’m drowning in sorrow. But that’s just not it…

The inevitability of things happening is a probability we create, as we created the worst to happen in this world today, that all started with being told what and what not to do growing up, and if we did what we were told not to do, this or that would happen to us, and those of us who experienced this happening attached ‘what could happen’ if we don’t follow orders or laws that’s designed to keep us in fear, that’s now automated and used in our relationships with others, and think hard about it when others are not around, to even when all alone we think the worst of ourselves, so the question is how do I correct this within me?

To be continued…



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Carlton
Posts: 911
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 09 May 2019, 18:19

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -the-past/

Day 821: Worst Case Scenarios (Embrace the Past)

I embrace my imperfections, when living in a perfect world of images that thinks perfection is the way we alt to go, in wanting to be the perfect person, that separates us from being the person we alt to be, and so stimulates fear to reach perfectionism, by thinking other have it in for me, and call this professionalism, that shows how we create a worst case scenario for others in our world by stepping on their toes, on our way to the top, and top this off by surrounding ourselves with a barrier of people who Will bury us if we don’t do what we’re supposed to, deep into our own worst case scenarios.

The worst of us was born into the worst world ever, when spoken to for the first time and told to ‘shut up, you’re disrupting my thought process’, in unspoken words when speaking out loud, by a parent who was spot on in thinking they made a wrong decision to bring us into the world, and now responsible for the rebellion they fostered within us, through personality creation we became their worst case scenario when showing them the worst of themselves, that they tried to punish out of us and into submission - that we would let go of and soon forget, as a kid, then say I love you mom or dad, that stuck in their heads afterwards thinking what the hell have I done?

Thing is, we’re all the same, from our parents to us, to our children alike, preprogrammed to live within a system of survival, that makes us fear the worst when our survival is threatened, to thinking it’s a threat to question how we survive, so we threaten anyone who gets in our way, and stand there impaled into a mind of hate, closed off to reality in so many way, failing to embrace the past to see a way to change it, that after starts with correcting what we were thinking, and the blame we’ve perpetuated to other human-beings and things outside of ourselves that takes one breath, and self-forgiveness is the first steps out of this hell, and into living life as a responsible human-being, to watching things in our world change drastically, to that which is best for all life equally, and equally live with all without thinking the worst could happen. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when based in religion, think that I have accepted the devil within me, that made these worst case thoughts come up in my mind, that I created scenarios around, to fear myself being hurt and/or my life/freedom taken away from me, without realizing, as long as I fear the thoughts I exist as, I will never be free, meaning From Energy to Expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it’s me standing in the need of correction, for the blame I perpetuate toward any others in my world, including any outside entities such as the devil or a God deity – that I deny responsibility for the scenarios I create in my mind, and feel the detrimental effects of, thinking if only I could see the worst, when not wanting to see the worst in me I’m doing to me, just in case I don’t like it, and so spite anyone who shows it to me, by thinking the worst about them, will I change, Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the worst about others, instead of correcting the worst in me/of me, that would pardon me from abdicating my responsibility onto others, because I’m responding with correcting the worst of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to follow the invention of “Thinking the worst and hope for the best”, as if any best case scenario would come from thinking the worst, where the inversion thereof is the reverse of the same, and so live in verses instead of the living words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to coerce me into believing my body is crazy, for the pain I feel, when inflicting it onto myself, by way of creating my reality around worst case scenarios, believing them, becoming anxious/nervous and fearful of the idea of something happening, that I didn’t realize had an adverse effect on the reality I/we now live in, and so only now choosing to correct this untimely creation, so in time as my world change, so will this one, that starts with each one of us doing the same. and so on and so forth, for each individual specifically for our individualized worst case scenarios we create in our mind and project onto others in our worlds, that houses illusions of grandeur.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how these illusions of grandeur I bring up in my mind as worst case scenarios, disrupts the very core of me into experiencing dis-ease and so want to take medicine, that only suppresses this dis-ease even more within me, that after it’s all said and done, may end in hospitalization for some of us, that can easily be circumvented with immediate self-correction, when and as I experience anxiousness, nervousness and fear from the thought I allow to come up in my mind, in a moment of doubt through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt the power I have to correct myself when moving through a minefield of thought, and so allow hopelessness to set in that lead to a point of giving up, So;


When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing that I’ve realized something, that comes in the form of a worst case scenario, seemingly so real, because I’ve accepted the picture presentation from my mind, that all is bad, in hopes that It’s not, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand how this thinking is disruptive to my well-being and so detrimental to my physical body, that have and adverse effect on/to/towards myself first and foremost and people in my world, that what I’m doing is feeding the system of conflict, that spreads throughout this world as a whole and manifest the dislike of one another onto us, into separating ourselves from ourselves, in becoming a mind circuit that’s being mined for energy, but don’t want see it, hear it, nor know about it, because that’s too deep for me, therefore;

I commit myself to waking myself up from this slumbering slump that I’m in, every time I accept and allow my mind to think the worst could happen, by taking more moments like this one to investigate what’s coming up within and as me, that causes unrest in my life - to from here no further will I accept and allow myself to continue creating as the worst of me, in thought/words/deed, but to instead correct the worst of me, so that I may experience the best that life has to offer, as the best of me, in my world and reality and so this world as a whole.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
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Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 12 May 2019, 19:48

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ave-again/

Day 822: What if/ I Should Have/ Could Have (Again)

Where the question is always; “And then what”? Interesting how the things we didn’t do in our life/ faced and/or brushed aside, brought us to this point to where we are now, in who we are today, but soon forget, that has all the relevance in the world to the process we walk/I’m walking, the why couldn’t I have a normal life, when the life I had was the normality in which I was raised, that brings up a comparison to others in my world back then I thought had it better off than me, adjacent to a religious ideology, that probably saved my life more than once, being that the neighborhood I grew up in wasn’t a bed of roses, but posed a threat on every corner, that missed me and passed me by because my curiosity was only interested in what was in the sky and in my mind, and so spent the majority of my time looking for a way to escape it, instead of attaching myself to it. And for that, the only thanks to religion that’s well worth it, because I’m Here speaking today.

What if’s, they never end, even if you know what you’re talking about it’s still a dreamscape from reality away from being here and right now, where the look back in hindsight is pretty bleak that I wanted to change and do over, with the idea that I would be better off in my life right now, back then and after the fact, (meaning before I started walking my process), I mean the pressure I put on myself to relive what I didn’t live and can’t do over again that was pretty prevalent in my mind, I let resonate through, over correcting the suppression I suppressed under the guise that everything was ok, while churning in my stomach the turmoil I would face and manifest into my tomorrow land, like going to sleep and waking up in a world of s***, while sticking to knowing there’s something there within me, but hadn’t found it and/or corrected as of yet.

For me, letting it all go is the name of the game, where for so long I’ve held onto these ‘What if’s’, instead of accepting my past for what it was, that played it’s role in who/what I am and have become today – that upon correction a breakthrough is imminent, but with No expectation =s thereof, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plague myself for so long with the ‘what if’s’ of my past, to think/perceive/believe if things would have been different for me, things would be better in my life today, negating the point of need, that my life/past needed to be this way in order for me to experience my way/world and reality with words as I am now, where all the emotional breakdowns, feelings of being left out and nobody really cares or loves me was an illusion, that opened the door for breaking down my problems through introspection and investigation what I face today, that I was able to discover self-care and love and give this to myself, enough to realize how I was cared for and loved, by a family who showed it in their own way, the only way they knew how to, that now a look back is no longer ‘what if’, but a gratitude to what I Lived through and so commit myself to let go of unconditionally, to no longer accept and allow myself to create a dreamscape around a life I created for me in my mind, as a ‘what if’, but to live the life I walked into.

[Onto]

What I should have done, was to erase the ‘should’ in things and accept the doings as they came, that some made me ashamed of, but still all me, as I am the one who experienced it, detail are not important, but what is, is seeing how I created in times the life I lead and with whom I would led into the idea of a life that I had to walk with me, while not knowing what life really is/was back then, I mean the past is important, it will always be with you, but interesting how we disregard the bad choices we’ve made for a mental correction in thought, stating “See I should have”… to cover up our mishaps and takes, that takes two to tango, but what am I really missing, but a feeling of wanting to go back to the “Good times” and tell oneself, I should have done more to make it work, instead of accepting the hindsight that things obviously worked out by life’s design, that showed me how to create and maintain a successful and fruitful relationships/partnership from here on out, which makes the should a correction point to correct and let go of unconditionally, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to should have done this a long time ago, in letting go the moments of good feelings in past relationships when things were over, but time and time again, would beat myself up over the break up, stating ‘I should have’, done this, that or the other, to keep this feeling alive, in hopes that I could experience it one more time, then manipulate myself into thinking/believing things will be different, I promise, which is a point of “talking out of the side of my neck”, which is slang for making bulls*** up, which so made it hard for me to look/see and correct what I didn’t do but allowed for myself only within the relationship, to so upon correction let it go unconditionally, where I’ve always placed conditions on others but not myself, so when conditions was placed on me, I would rebel with the idea of control festering within me, and so should have stopped trolling around in my mind, separate from the relationship in fact, that I now commit myself to making my should haves a doing in the moment, within and as any relationship/partnership I get myself into, and no longer accept and allow myself to beat myself up over my past infractions, especially after correcting them.

[And Then]

What could I do, instead of could have done, when ‘could have’ is an idea in lack of self-trust If it was in the best interest of self as you/me to do something, that was thought about and seen as an option before hand in most cases, and some times “See man I could have”…, but didn’t and now it’s too late, to even waste a moment of thought on, and have to wait for the next time for this ‘Have’ to come around. Point for me being, to ground myself in acceptance of the way I did do what it was, and look to living the correction to what I saw beforehand and didn’t do and/or in hindsight that I was confused about, but now see would have worked the best for me, and any, if any was involved. To solve the case of the ‘could haves’ we have to embrace the point of changing our mind, in the reverse of it back, because if something feels so good to do in the moment it MAY NOT be best to do it the way we’re choosing to, that took thought to get to our choice, that now that we’ve made it, (especially if others are involved) become to embarrassed to change it or even claim that I was wrong for doing so and admit that, thing is with admittance the key through the door of change is given as self-permission to move through it, therefore;

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to act on in the moment what ‘Self’ presents to me, as a way of doing things, that I disregard in lack of self-trust, thinking/perceiving/believing my way is easier and so invoke my way of doing things, to in hindsight say, ‘I could have’…, that’s a seeing without doing, where on the other hand, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and accept the gift within a mistake made, and so move to doing things differently the next time around (if so), but instead live as a bandit within the idea of, “See man I could have”…, as if I did see, but didn’t see, and or expect could happen and so now stuck within the case of the ‘could haves’, that now seeing/realizing/understanding the importance of admittance, accepting, embracing into correcting myself, I commit myself to take the opportunity to do so, when given by self to trust me when things seem complex, but if it feels so good and easy to do, question my decision, to make a corrected decision on something the first time around, to move gracefully into letting go of second guessing my Self, and into living the correction I’ve made on these points.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
Posts: 911
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 19 May 2019, 20:08

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... mechanism/

Day 823: The Trickery Mechanism

It’s not enough that we allow our minds to bring up things on behave of its own survival, feeding off the very substance we exist as, where we think it, then react to it, when either an emotion or feeling comes up from within and as us about it, but the interesting part is when we get to a point of stopping these things from coming up and start experiencing the grounding affect that process brings (when walked correctly), we tend to think about process things, which for most part is cool, but within that the counter action/balance point (of sorts) the mind use to subjugate that is what I call the Trickery Mechanism, where now that we see these random thoughts/things coming up in awareness of its potential to usher us into a reaction, it’s easy for us to stop it, so what I experience the mind doing is to bring up process things, as in memories of things I’ve said in chats I’ve had and/or was on with others, blogs I’ve written or read, to sort of soften the blow of what’s about to come up afterward, as we easily tend to follow these thoughts around, being that they’re process related, to letting our guard down in a way, then BAM that’s when the most inappropriate s*** come up, and so perpetuate more so of a reaction because of being caught with our guard down, so to speak. The Trickery Mechanism.

A treat is tricky most of the time, because it’s sweet, and if sweets are not said to be the sweetness of life as life I am, we’re tricked into a feeling that feels good in the moment, like thinking about process feels good until the moment something else comes up, but to not react was the part that stumped me, because I’ve allow comfortability and complacency to set in, thinking that I got this, in disregard of the minds craftiness that happens in missed moments of correction, when we least expected it, except when we’re in a mind possession, then have to ride it out, because you can’t fight fire with fire, meaning you can’t get mad at yourself when you’re already mad in a possession, that makes the possession last longer, where the stronger it gets the more disempowered we become, that’s why it’s important to slow way down, to a freeze frame moment and own the space I’m in.

With awareness come more correction, that I’m now seeing what I’ve been doing all alone, throughout my life, that might not be a pretty picture and at times hard to swallow, but suck it up we do and feel relived after correcting it, and that’s when the mind tends to step in, because after the correction we tend to analyze it, to see if our correction was in line towards change, then become satisfied in the belief that I’m right on track, and all it take is one split second of believing yeah I do got this down pat, then up come the most craziest s*** that Zaps us back to reality - that process is a process and takes time to walk and the “Down pat” part is the suppression of our thoughts and other things needing to be looked at, corrected and changed and the let down feeling is just part of the game, that I’ve once again allowed my mind to trick me into feeling ashamed about what comes up within and as it.

The misbelief, how could I have possibly planned all this out for myself to walk through and face in this lifetime, is a trick that my mind use to look for blame, and call the root cause my parents fault, to then look at the way their parents raises them, and along comes the things unseen which is fascinating, because that show how religion was possibly created to be the point of blame, so when all else fails we can elude it to an entity, and there’s no way you can question his side, of even that he died for our sins which is a bold face lie, but who are you going to ask that would tell you anything different, than all of us had to be born in sin to experience longsuffering to appreciate life, and O.M.G. if that was right, why are we here on earth.

So, you see how easy things can get out of hand, when one falls for the tricks the mind presents, and if the mind you think is you don’t belief it should be talked about, then take the next few moments to check THIS out. And that’s all I got about that for now.

Thanks for reading.



User avatar
Carlton
Posts: 911
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 24 May 2019, 19:51

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 824: Participation (A Perspective)

Or, Part-This-In-Patience, meaning before you say something know what you’re talking about, as a note to every-Self (that’s me) that likes to speak on that in which we’re learning, instead of what we’ve learned, tried, tested and true through investigation, which brings up the point of, ‘If the shoe fits, wear it’, then speak about how comfy it is, which makes the knowledge within it/ about it, something that’s lived, that way when we have our slipups and falls, we’re not held to the words we held high, in blast of others, that attended to our seeking for acceptance or praise in some form.

A thing I realized about participation is that it’s more than just reciting from a script of information and giving ones point of view with the claim, “I got it, what about you”, that in a way separates us from the information, when stating “What about you”, in the form of ‘Most People, Them or They, instead of adding oneself to the equation by way of ‘I/We/Us’ in cahoots with one another/as all, meaning we all have done, faced similar or the same points at different times throughout our lives, so why talk about what they’ve done when we’ve possibly done the same, and if we haven’t why speak about it at all. And although we may have it, a constant refinement to what we have, may be the refreshment that’s needed to bring back to self, our reasoning for making the commitment to stand in as part of the whole, one and equal, when the whole as us individually can’t stand ourselves, effective participation allows for that, more than just Partici-pacing. (I’ll come back to that).

For me listening is a vital part of participation, especially when the blueprints to understanding self is given, oddly enough be anyone in our world we come in contact with, I mean I exempt no one from telling me something, whatever they have to say can be used in a constructive way when listening unconditionally, and constructively criticizing what I’m thinking, (that comes up when they’re speaking), is a level of self-participation like none other, that’s smothered in self-regard, so when one is not speaking, (in a setting with others) doesn’t always means there’s a lack of interest, but more so a self-fulfillment in some cases, patiently awaiting to learn more ways of how to part ways with my old ways, by way of applying what I’ve heard, then share how I’ve done it.

Then you have what I call Partici-pacing, where I want to see what you see, so I share what I see in what I heard from you and put my own spin of it, and call this being faced and/or applied in my own life, without hearing/understanding the full context of what’s being/have been said, then when context is given, I’ve magically faced that too, but a shot in the dark, being that you can’t tell a person what they do or don’t know/have or haven’t faced/done or haven’t done, but they can, where within Lies the honesty point that we have to face within ourselves, self-honestly, when at times the shut up should be the commercial for listening, and listening should be the key to participation, and participation should be the effectiveness of change, and change is what we’re all busy walking, so why pace around what we want to know, instead of sharing about what we’ve walked now. I am a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.




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