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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 27 Jan 2020, 21:08
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 867: It’s All Here (Perspective)

Equations and Mathematics that creates our passion, fashioned in the image and likeness of what we can do, individually that we all can in a sense, when choose to be unique when using common sense, where you and I have the ability to keep life interesting and speak into existence things worth mentioning, like how do I compound joy and happiness and spread it throughout an existence with no more madness, that will happen being that life creates life, that don’t wait for life to be lived by life, but lived at its inception, what a wonderful life when all see within our-Self that it’s all here.

There’s nothing new that hasn’t been abused or proven to not exist, the exit strategy is an excellent excuse to validate the way we’re living, that’s an extra additive when adding in the point of being Nowhere, where within it states no matter where you go, you are always Now Here. Peer to peer with a glance or a look we communicate in so many way, these days in a nutshell, eat up time that’s designed to show what we face, at a pace we plead for a speed we think will take us to all we want, then get to the want and stare at it immensely, thinking (wait) this is not what I wanted.

It’s a race to erase what we say and don’t mean, out of fear it’ll be taken the wrong way, when under the light in the mirror we can see what we saying when looking into our own face, so displace our mistakes to save face in front of other, thinking we may fall from their grace, in which case we placate promises to others hoping they’ll stay feeling the same way.

About us is to state that we all experience the same, but some take it harder than others do, like taking a placebo for a flu instead of walking it through, to realize it’s here to assist you, to for a moment just to stop what we’re doing and pay attention to what your body is trying to show you, that the systems inside could interrupt your life, if we don’t regard the body in all ways.

In a house with a fence that’s squared off properly dictates the separation of property, that causes arguments when stepping across the line into my yard, because I think you may come here to harm me, that’s a laugh when you pass a no trespassing sign, because we secretly exist as fear, and to “Beware of Dog” that’s the sweetest little thing that loves to bark for you to come back here.

Human nature has a nature of manipulating nature, for others to look at what I got, but only in an area surrounded by Me’s, instead of having the whole world look the same, it’s ashamed that we think that we came here to conquer, and so con our way into getting what we want, instead of what we all see that’s beneficial for the Me’s and the You ‘s that makes this life possible.

It’s all right here from the things that we’ve done, to the things that we can do to change the things that we’ve done, and really don’t like but live with for now, until we decide to change the now in which we live, where with the advent of the Internet the truth is all Here for each to grab when we decide to let go of all beliefs, where if it’s really good for you then it could be for me, so why not try anything New and different, I mean it really can’t hurt and just so maybe what I need, so count me in for changing me.

That’s all that it takes to see that life is right here to be lived by all equally, with no partitions or permission that needs to be granted, if all is standing as and trusted by life, it takes you, it takes me individually but together to take a closer look at the things we do, in our own life as strife between what’s wrong and what’s right that causes ripples throughout humanity, by way of taking what’s projected towards us out on others, for them to feel the same way we do, in any case it’s a repeat of the same old thing that keep us in the same old state of mind.

We then pass it down from generation to generation until it gets to someone like you and me, whether baby boomer or millennial we all see things differently and so choose to take responsibility for what we see, if what we see can change the way things are to live a life we would all like to be in, by way of sharing ourselves no matter what it is, we all got something to say, and if we all continue to do this in a way that’s constructive, society will at some point change, because the truth of what’s here would show it’s face and be seen by all to take heed, and when tending to what’s here we eradicate the fear of thinking that this world is going to end. I mean “It’s all right here” in our own perspective lives for us to step into and correct for generations to come.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 31 Jan 2020, 23:17
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... g-soldier/

Day 868: Redefining Soldier

From Toy Soldiers with boy holster, to grown boys with abusive toys, that boaster loud noises to scare the masses into submission, with no comprehension of why we’re doing it, but excuse the doing for the greater good, but the good ain’t great if nobody’s left, I mean we can’t wait to inflict our will on others, and send our soldiers to fight one man’s battle, where being a soldier we’re expendable to the cause, and call this fighting for the freedom we never had, because at home we don’t stand up for nothing and that’s sad, but will soldier our way around the self-interest we have, until all our relationships is at war with each other, and be quick to smother ourselves into a state of aloneness, which state we are All- One, but think it’s not -Necessary, which is clearly the opposite way around.

We’re all soldiers in a sense, but being a soldier all my life, I was born and raised in the ‘Army of the Lord’ or so I was told and still chose to ignore it, because I couldn’t see the war I was supposed to fight, but learned the difference between wrong and right, in the eyes of the righteous I was eternally enslaved, to the idea that someday I would become saved, and save the world when war kicked off, but couldn’t see how deep I was in war with myself. An identity crisis, I would cry for no reason, and plea to what was out there, “Please don’t take me”, then awake the next day and forget everything that happen, and so walked around in a perpetual state of madness, I was glad when I got old enough to be on my own, but needed a way to escape what I thought was all wrong, where all of a sudden I felt the need to be tough, and so jumped out of the frying pan and straight into the oven.

So to speak, I was free but it came with a price, to give up my life and join a “Few Good Men”, that’s a call sign for the “Marines”, the “Devil Dogs” of existence, that’s a long stretch from whence I came, knee deep in religion, I now relied on a Kevlar Helmet/Flak Jacket and gun, and thought to myself, “Hmm this could be fun” and so wanted to be the best soldier I could be, in service of God/Country and then Family, in that order I went to war and seen a lot, and when my time was up, felt I was the cream of the crop, then got out and wanted to remain on top, and so believed that this Soldiering is all I got. (But it wasn’t)

I patented (for me) the idea that the world ole me something, so sat around waiting for that something to come, and when something did come, I had already gone the other way, and missed chance after chance to become stable, I explored different places and loved to move around, without grounding myself in one place to stay, and come back to if I decided to leave, I mean the idea of “Soldiering On” was still bubbling in me, so I got used to what I knew, how to Scratch and Survive, and wanted to be a free bird and do what I want with my life, and by that time I was doing all that I wanted that wasn’t enough, so I Soldiered in Security for prominent people to lift up, like Stars and Super Stars, I was a star in my world, until I had enough and watched my star comet, plummet to the ground, like Life was there to show me that I needed to do something different, like take everything I come to know and stand up for me - that’s a standing I could explore without moving my feet, and if done correctly would create stability, but silly me I thought I was stable enough, until I found a process that helped me to stand up.

Now I’m standing at Attention, no more ‘Shouldering for other people, but attending to what I see needs to be changed in my stance, by way of redefining what life means to me, in the face of Life every time I open my eyes, I then wrote “If It Ain’t Best For All” as an Anthem to what I was experiencing, for the march off into the process I was headed, and so Marched my way into standing up for life and now Redefining Soldier to be a word of support.


[SOUNDING OF THE WORD}: SOLDIER

• Shoulder = Shouldering responsibility for other people.
• Sold Energy = Giving one’s energy to fight others battle for prize.
• Soul in Energy = Existing in mind energy, trapped in old memories.
• Soul Diver = Believing that I’m deep, because I’m an old soul.
• Soul Doer = Following a belief and telling others what I think they should do according to these beliefs.
• Soul Extractor = Thinking I could change someone’s life with religious based ideology.
• Sound Leader = Exampling the follow, meaning walking along side, standing unwavering for all that is Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sold my energy to the idea of being tough, defined as being a Soldier, with the fortitude of standing up, for the belief of another that’s not necessarily my own, but born into, to purposefully walking into it, as a point of escapism from that in which I was born, and so separated myself as a soul with purpose, but never purposed to myself a better way to live life, at which time life would have stepped in for me to see, that it’s always been here to be lived correctly and respect the fact that all life is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not correct my relationships with the Soldier I was at different times in my life, defined as a soul extractor as if I was without sin and could cast a stone, thinking what I had to say (based in religion) could change someone’s life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Soldier as a point of standing up for others who I thought couldn’t do it for themselves, not realizing they didn’t want to do it for themselves and so created a job out of it with prizes and rewards, which was shouldering others responsibility more than I would my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defined soldier as soul in energy, existing in my mind, trapped in memory, using my memories to stay within the old soldier frame of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a soul diver, in thinking, because I was told I was an old soul in the past, that made me deep and so, but only went deep on religious ideologies, not internal self-realizations and perspectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been a soul doer in relation to a past definition of soldier, in following the belief that I was in the ‘Army of the Lord’, lol, and so could tell others what I thought they should do, without looking at my own life/problems/situations.

So, when and as I see myself living/existing/perpetuating, soldier as the aforementioned definitions, that houses ideas/perceptions/beliefs in service of others, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that the idea of soldier/soldiering was planted in me, which is cool, but wasn’t conducive as a point of support as I have defined it and so needs to be redefined, therefore;

I commit myself to redefining Soldier to that of being a Sound Leader, in exampling the follow, meaning walking along side, All, in service of the Self of Me that is life, to so then stand up unwavering for all of Life, that would be me living my utmost potential.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 06 Feb 2020, 22:29
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... est-in-me/

Day 869: Bring out the Best in Me

At our worst we’re the best, but at our best is it worth it, for us to forget about the worst that brings the best out of us, where our abilities and capabilities may be seen more than known, when not seeing the potential that I have, and accept that one has gotten to a point of knowing what to look for when defining ones purpose, but interesting enough when looking to bring out the best in me, what tends to come up is the old/worst of me, as if to say it’s not possible, but possible it is when correcting the worst of my past while accepting that it has gotten me to this point of realization, and then letting it go unconditionally.

What others see in us we may not see in ourselves entails that in which we have the potential to be, like the way we are when considering other at times before considering ourselves, but sometimes may forget about ourselves all together, that takes a little tweaking to do consider ourselves first, because a well-kept being keeps the physical in balance, and the internal organs functioning correctly, that makes the strengths of what we can do step to the forefront, and would show that our weaknesses have been strengthen exponentially, to now sensibly being aware of all the mind states we’re in, to seeing a mistake before stepping into making it happen, and never be satisfied until I’ve done my best.

This opens the door for our talents to be expressed and shared, so that others may see their own talents within themselves, because when being told you got a talent and should be using it, they see something in you that makes the best of them come out, even if only for a moment we touched somebody, could be the moment they needed to see what we shared, that could change their life in the next moments to come, because now they have a piece of you to add to their story.

Especially when what we share is the best for us all, because we took the time to investigate ourselves, in the process of building corrective organization, that takes patience being that this process will last a life time, that’s why I always say I’m a work in progress, that won’t settle for less when moving through points, I can always point the finger at the next point to come, or better yet the point fashion a finger for me to come and assess it, and if this brings up a movement within you, then that’s a point that needs to look at, it’s a fact that the best is always yet to come, from each of us, that sums up just how we’re all One.

And Equal in a sense when using common sense, as the innocence deep within us we all represent, and have experienced dating back to the first few years of our lives, no matter the environment we’ve all experienced the same, back then not being ashamed to express what came up, until the irritation of another told us to shut up, and that’s when it all started, the move away from my best, to now searching for, looking to bring the best of me back out.

The best of me is not allowing my reactionary self to step in and change the first act of being stable, when interacting with others/before a situation arise, where the mind has ways of cleverly disguising trigger point to be brought up at the drop of a dime, and off we go into the worst case possible, that sloppily poses a threat to bringing out our best, and begets the point of stability we were processing to maintain, to rearrange the way I have engrained within me to be.

The best of us is the knowing how to do something, tried, tested and true, then sharing what we know and how it has supported you, is the way we bring it out, where there would be no doubt that we’ve walked through what we’re sharing, with no comparison to the way another views the same thing, and only if asked, would share our perspective, to ensure we’re not telling others what they needs to do, by way of pointing out flaws that causes one to hate you, and put up their guard and charge you with being meddlesome, in the business of themselves that’s a problem waiting to happen, and so makes the best of us redact back to who we was before, to have to start all over again with being trusted by them, because them is who we are in fact.

Therefore, what now drives me is the seeing of my ability to achieve my best, that we each experience at times in little spurts according to the best moments we have, where nothing is coming up or moving within me, extremely vulnerable to what’s Here in the moment, to soak up in awareness that all this is me, before allowing the next moment of the mind to come in and disrupt my stability, so for me to be aware of cool moment like this, so I can use them to go deeper into figuring me out.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 11 Feb 2020, 22:40
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... back-here/

Day 870: From Bad to Much More to Being Back Here

When walking through consequences, it’s easy to be deceived by the idea that we may have to create more consequences to get through the ones we’re already walking, which at times may have to, but careful not to let these ideas become that part of how we rectify things, where each extra consequence we create becomes much more than what we’ve bargained for in a sense that makes it harder to get back to square one, the sum of all evenness that evilly creeps up on you and depletes one’s standing stable within the consequences we’re already facing, the draining affect, neglecting the rationing out of energy we’ve allotted to get through this sequence of events, that has to take place before getting to the point of real creation, and if done correctly would be the saving grace of our different nations, countries, society, humanity and the world as a whole.

But saving because we’ve saved ourselves without hoping for, looking for any outside source to sort things out for us, that’s not an easy feat, especially when having engrained within us to stay asleep to the things we choose not to see, because we believe it’s counter-productive to our standing in the system as an Ego, because that’s how the money flow, with no consideration for things that matter like hindsight looking, showing one shouldn’t have did that, to realizing holy crap this is not where I want to be at, but now here again, so let me begin.

What’s much more than things being bad is, hard ignorance, the pushing aside of common sense when not allowing oneself to see the incidents that comes with good intentions, that’s a race back into the same problems, even after solving them, we have no patience to live our corrective application and walk through the door of transcendence, right at the point we should resist the urge to dab our foot back into the sinking sand (so to speak), that would eventually submerge us back into an old state of being.

Like knowing wasabi sauce is hot, but still choosing to put it on top of what we’re dealing with in reality – that’s eating nonsensically and a travesty to our taste buds, but we still do it, then try drinking water to put out the fire that only stings consequences and promises you/me, it’s going to be a long day.

The attitude of turning down nothing is corruption when fussing about the positions we place ourselves in, where in the moment the road often travelled may seem to be paved with gold, but it’s just the sun shining down on the mold that outlines our shadow against the brazing sand, so with every step we take becomes wavery until we’re knee deep in s***, thinking, now this is stability, but interesting our stance with being unable to walk and pull ourselves out of this position even with our hands, the ever so craftiness of a sink hole that we’ve dug, covered up and forgot it was there, but then again, this is something that I share that can be walked out of.

Look this way; Products on shelves in department stores are specifically placed to catch the eye of the beholder, but what we tend to do is look behind what’s in the forefront to get to the best quality of what’s being presented, so why is it that we can’t look behind the idea of thinking we need to do a certain thing to get us out of the bad state of things we’re experiencing, that if seen beforehand, would save us the hassle of creating more consequence added to the one’s we’re already facing, into walking ourselves back out of the much more, through the bad and back Here.

I was once told ‘”Where there’s a beginning, there’s an end”, meaning this too shall pass, but not if we continue to exacerbate the past, in hopes of cleaning things up by going back and repeating them = more suppression and so left with this dull feeling afterwards for not correcting ourselves.

Being that with awareness we’re all now aware of what comes up within us, it’s pretty hard to not see things that sticks in one’s mind, like the frustration that comes up after knowing what you’re walking into (clairvoyantly) and the outcome to follow, but still choose our ‘Ideas’ over the common sense of being patient and slowing down and laying things out for ourselves and cross referencing it, to see if what we think we should do is the best possible decision, that do takes a bit of time, but well worth it in the end.

Where in the end it’s a new beginning to stand corrected - to not add any unwarranted stress onto ourselves, because we’re already facing a lot, each one of us in our own way, so be that as it may, this being a point to seed into correction that would be;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience things being bad to much more, thinking/perceiving/believing that more consequences needs to be created in order to get through the consequences already being walked, and so end up exacerbating the past in which I resided and didn’t let go of unconditionally (as it seems), the old patterns/habits/behaviors while seeing with awareness what it is that seem to be the right thing to do in the moment and the outcome to follow, but still step into it as if it’s needed, then coming out on the others side stepping into looming frustration, because of letting the rush into expectations supersede being patient/slowing myself down/laying things out for myself and cross referencing them for the best possible decision, that would keep the pace steady with allotted energy to facilitate the consequences already being walked = me getting through this. Embrace Vulnerability.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 15 Feb 2020, 21:10
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 871: Building Character (Perspective)

With words we’re lost, being that most of the words we use are vagrant and loose, abused to confuse rationality with dementia, when thinking character building is common sense, but won’t last for all times sake, because every character we create has an expiration date, and can’t wait to reinvent ourselves into the same mistake, while claiming patience is a virtue in traditional Christian angelology, with no apologies for the state that we’re in, as a collective we collect call our character to come up, and put on hold who we are for a while, in a moment of not being able to see our way out, of any situation that’s could possibly happen, and so sit there listening to department store music, laughing at the character I built to be me, thinking this is the way we should ultimately be, without realizing how we’re just perpetuating the point of defeat.

If all the money in the world was taken away, what kind of character would you then create? Would there then be a need to think positive to attract more, or would you just soar as who you really are, as life, all connected like the birds and the bees, and the trees that has this unspoken sensibility, to not harm one another and so coexist, in a reality that only sustains common sense, where the only dominance would be taking care of the domain in which we live, that seems farfetched, because of the way we live, but for real it could exist if we all stand up, and start building characters as something real to live up to. As Equals

Where the word sequel is a continuation of the same old s***, that’s cynically based on one-sided Self-Interest, with the belief that my character is built stronger than yours, but success only lies with those who have resources, it's interesting how when you’ve done all the bad to get what you have, you now grow a conscious to want to be a good person, and when someone from the past checks you for your past, we say, “See that’s why I don’t like helping people out”, that so validate the behavior of existing in Greed, that stands a Great-End to taking responsibility, to so play Majesty, ‘I’m the King of my world’, while squirming in fear that it’ll all be taken away.

It’s a part time lie, to be part time right, especially when spite is the name of the game, forcing the acceptance of what I’m doing for you, that only makes me feel better for what I’ve done, for those with the ability to get things done, but won’t move a muscle for not giving a s***, but when in front of an audience show a strong character, until after it’s over and can’t wait to go home, to get out of our dress clothes and lay in the shade, then tell our Self I’ve done a good deed for the day, and pray that that deed would make me more money, to take us to the next character we think we should build.

Without seeing/realizing that in due time what we’ve designed will eventually make us lonely, where alone we’ll sit to wither away, because All we’ve pushed aside won’t give a s*** either, and the Characters we’ve built are no longer prominent and all that’s left is a hateful memory, that’s why it’s imperative to learn self-intimacy, to see how to bring out the best ‘IN’ us, and not separate ourselves as the best ‘OF’ us, in knowledge and information bequeathed to the rest of us, and those yet to come to repeat the same mistakes, and continue this cycle of perpetual hate, with the only solution going being to have a debate and wait for the next generation to clean up this mess.

That’s why some impress upon their children to keep their surrounding tidy, while on the inside thinking in a dirty a** mind, and because the mind is not understood we believe that this balances things out, and forget about the true care it takes to create and maintain substantial relationships, but attracting one another with a picture perfect presentation, because we’ve built this character way back when, then let others in just to tell them - “You need to build character”, by way of being Proud of the things you have, that comes from stepping on 1000 toes, but if one Soul is saved vindicates the pinch, and let all the Angel's in Heaven rejoice that’s bases in religion, thinking I’m saved because I treat people nice.

But for what it’s worth for most, we’re doing the best we can, when only knowing what we know and have been taught to know, and yes treating other right does makes a difference, but the point of this blog is to keep asking questions, like how/why am I accepting and allowing this to happen, within myself first and then in my world, and then in reality and existence as a whole, to from here no further will I put my life on hold, anymore, by way of a part time character I let represent me, instead of expressing as me, the best of the character I’ve built, and want to stand by and as who I really am, that would transform Building Character into a Practicing Self-Expression.

So the building blocks of building character is self-investigation and introspection, inspecting what comes up that creates the experience of me, to see what needs to be corrected to be able to express my stance as stability, unwavering to any movement that’s brought on by spite, and the need to be right when one should be open to perspective, that would keep one grounded when walking process progressively, as I am a work in progress to get to the best of me.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 27 Feb 2020, 20:05
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 872: Body Loyalty (Perspective)

Jumping through hoops of stress and depression just dragging ourselves through the wringer convinced, that each time we do it’s for a good cause, that caused unwarranted pressure onto the body, but the body always seem to bounces right back, in loyalty to the being that resides in its chest, with ways of undoubtingly bringing us back here, using pain to point out our levels of fear, but if we’re not quite aware of what really happens, we go into disassociating ourselves from the body, claiming it’s just a vessel and don’t mean nothing, but scared to die to see if we’re right, but yet and still the body keeps on ticking, trying to show us that it’s structure is life, and the best thing we can do for ourselves to live life, is to reciprocate the loyalty the body gives to us.

For most we can only nourish ourselves with the ability we have, like the little money we have to pay for what we can get, I mean you have to be a rich to be a Vegan and stay consistent, and your body knows this so take the best out of what you have, but if you do have the chance to get supportive food for less, (I have to repeat this to myself) to go ahead and do so, because most of the times we’re in a rush to survive, that leaves little to no time for us to eat right, so a quick snack here and a quick snack there, to watching our calories build up that collaborate well, with then running around or choosing a different form of exercising, where a few steps a day can reduce our thighs, that give us energy to live the blueprints of life, stating in order to live longer you have to take care of yourself, where nourishing you is one half of getting to know yourself, and the other half is dealing with what comes up in the mind, to in time we become loyal to who we really are - that’s life in the flesh that we find our ‘Self’, that’s always been here waiting for us to rediscover it, and uncover all that the body has to offer.

Bumps and bruises and scrapes alike, shapes the marks we carry along with us, that shows how at one point in time we’ve push the envelope, and now have the permanent scars to prove it, at a healing rate that’s hard to comprehend, the body steps in to correct it’s structure, but not so much for the outside skin, as this is our first defense to the elements, unshielded we run into things unaware of its presence, that presents us with “Watch out, look where you going”, that’s the body as life stating I’m here with you, and everything around you seen and unseen, but as it seems our only focus is on a feeling, instead of the steps we take when walking next to and around objects, this brings new meaning to having eyes in the back of my head, that really state I’m only watching to see if someone hurts me from behind.

A serious fear that we all have, if something moves in front of our path is; we become a harlot to the mind in prostitution of a feeling, where in startlement we parliament in debate of being scared, while ushering to shoo it away to walking away feeling relieved, but if it stays right there, we start shaking in our boots, when all its really saying is; I’m looking to get to know you, that goes for incest’s and other aspects of physical life that exist, that connects with our body even through we’re not present, and although body loyalty is something we think is not relevant, try moving around nonstop on an empty stomach.

What we think we hate often times supports us, looking at our body in comparison to a picture, the idea of being uncomfortable in our own skin, is to say that we’re only loyal to what we think and feel, that’s obviously not real in the physical sense of things, but an idea we have of being someone else or some ‘thing’ or another, somewhere else, placed in a form that’s not our own, we imagine going someplace far away from the physical, because of physically feeling the suffering that goes on in our minds, that we then take and create our reality around, just to end up blaming others for the mess we’ve made.

But it only takes a few moments of our time each day, to say thanks to a body that’s been so loyal to us, by way of exercising when needed and keeping it clean, because these bodies we have are a constant working machine, more than the 9 to 5 we wheel ourselves around to survive in, and keep a roof over our head as a point of staying alive, and if done correctly makes for an easier life, and in some aspects reduces our levels of strife, so for us to stop fighting about the shape that we’re in, and get in the best shape we can to assist our body, and probably live longer than we lease expected, at the best of our abilities with a body well kept. = Body Loyalty. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how loyal my body is to me, that’s constantly working whether I’m awake or sleep, nudging me to move when things are amiss, as I sit there stubborn to not see what it is, and to stay within the uninterrupted state that I’m in, use suppression to try to hide behind and forget, until the pressure become immense and transform into a sickness, then we try and move into doing something about it, where as a collective we then look for a quick fix, when from the first movement we felt could have done something to circumvent this, but yet and still the body moves forward in correcting itself, waiting for us to reciprocate loyalty back onto it, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my body in a sense, by at times only doing the minimal for it, when more can be done to make my life better, that some would call “Making me feel better”, that makes sense if I’m making up for lost time spent, being here with my body getting to know its optimal conditioning, and condition myself to it’s utmost potential, in which case would be able to facilitate my utmost potential easier, that now starts with walking into this realization with aware, and clarity that there’s more to this body than we figured, where the deliverance is getting to know myself well, and the functioning of every organ that surrounds my Beingness.

So, I commit myself to becoming more aware of my level of loyalty to/towards my body, the more I fashion myself into standing equal to and one with my mind, to in time be able to amalgamate into the physical and experience all that life has to offer, and no longer accept and allow myself to push me aside, by way of turning a blind eye to what the physical needs, but give back to my body the same intensity of Loyalty, and spoil me with being aware of every Breath I Breathe.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 03 Mar 2020, 21:25
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... versation/

Day 873: The End of a Conversation

Yawning that spawns a shutdown to calmly falling asleep, beseechs ones standing to stay awake, where it’s too late to ask ‘what did you say’, when going too deep (with someone) because we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, and the mind wasn’t ready for what we’ve asked, when hinting to be ready with what we’re saying, searching for answers we really don’t want to see at this time, but think we’re in a location within ourselves to soak it up and take it into practical living, that’s beyond us at the moment being that we’re still subject to knowledge and information, as the face we put on that only shows others how we still need to learn a bit more about our ‘Self’ first.

No separation intended, but what tends to happen when our knowledge runs out and we’re sitting there listening is interesting, trying to analyze what’s not comprehensive for us to digest at the time, (although ingested) because we haven’t yet created enough space in our minds to take it all in, by way of living practically what we’ve investigated as our own corrected mistakes, that leaves a blank slate for what’s being shown to land upon and sown into the very fabric of our beingness, and so become frustrated with meanness, which states, I didn’t mean to put myself in this mess, that nest the showing of our limitations to someone who is as Aware as we should be.

Not more, no more than wanting to continue interacting with another, excuses the end of a conversation with a smile - that’s being elated when turning around and saying wow, I need to go back to the drawing board, because what I saw was the more of myself and didn’t understand it, mirrored through another, and hope that I don’t see them ever again, if cleverly disguised the suppression we hide behind to not take responsibility for what we present ourselves to others as.

I’ve found myself in this position plenty of times in the past (throughout my life), where in my mind things I concocted/made up, heard others say and took in, without questioning the context and testing it out for myself to see if it fits, but came up with my own assumptions about; Believed my own contorted version of it, and so used these things in conversations with others, hoping that they would think that I’m smart, and so agree with my plagiarism, while placing my own words in it, that only made sense to me and sounded good, until I stood face to face with someone who really knew what they we’re talking about, and so left jaw dropped with my mouth wide open, to realizing I’ve just been poking around chasing after the excitement energy, and filling in feeling with illusions of grandeur, standing there thinking I was the cream of the crop, but got stopped in my track with facts not fiction.

A perpetual hell that only stopped when we decide to stop ending conversations with others and investigate what they’re saying, to relaying “Interesting” if it lights a spark within me, and “Fascinating” if it’s a part of me that I’ve walked into correction and just received cross-reference from the other person I’m interacting with, that makes sense because no matter who it is, no one is exempt from showing me/you something, just as well as showing someone what we know and have lived oh so well.

But interesting how, each time we’d rather exacerbate coming to the end of a conversation instead of waiting for the realization of what’s really in it for me, that eventually shows itself whether good/bad or ugly. It’s where we all been before but have a second chance to see, and then another if needed until we take responsibility for what’s being shown to us without turning the other cheek, to and toward ourselves/one another that could hack the “Hell” we face, but “To Hell with it” we think to stay within our own way, that’s interestingly not our way but what we picked up along the way, and soon forgot how to stand as who we really are, that has now created a society of copycats alike, who all have trouble with trying to figuring out who’s right.

But if what’s ‘Right’ points out a ‘Wrong’ the wrong is then a gift, that shows that any belief we have is not subject to common sense, where no one want to be wrong but we prolong the tell of truth, like every Fifty Year or so the Real truth of things come out, mostly after the person is dead and gone and all who was involved is cleared, in a society where money is God and the Media we hold dear.

It’s the fear that if the truth was told any sooner the whole system would collapse, and so it’s not brought up in conversation so the world won’t get wind of it, until the next half generation/50 years that’s a bit too late, and so pass it on to the children of the future to deal with on their plate.

Anyway, leaving a conversation open ended begs to question the state that I’m in, where just as quick as I reacted should be the same amount of time or less it takes for me to recover, and reconnect with the subject at hand and the person I’m conversing with, where for emergency purposes it’s deserving that Self-Forgiveness will assist, (As in, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to converse with another, spewing my knowledge and information at them, nothing that I lived, not considering the next thing that would come out of their mouth would be evident that they were living what they were speaking about, because it made complete common sense, and so ushered to end the conversation, and so on..) in real time moments we choose not to own invaded by consciousness, that promises soon I’ll get the other to only see my way, and if they don’t we then react by inject fear into our relationship with them, to stay within the tit for tat game that we play, instead of seeing that a real interaction is both give and take, as in receive that’s supportive for both parties involved - to stop this infectious dis-ease of end a conversation because we didn’t get the resolve we thought we would. Speak Well!

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 12 Mar 2020, 19:55
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... you-think/

Day 874: Thinking About You (Not What You Think)

Who knew that all that we do is not only subjective, but selective in protecting our identity, intently for those who respond to our presentation gleefully, that makes us giddy when thinking about them, doing what we do and shitty when having to do what me must to survive, for those who we give power over our lives to, on assembly lines and in broom closets thinking why is it that every little thing I do is for someone else and not you/me, dreaming to be free someday from the addiction of thinking about a pretty face and/or the infliction of this job, and sob once realizing we’re allowing ourselves to be stripped of energy every time we start with someone else in mind, but ourselves.

If it’s not a song we’re singing in the shower, it’s a projection of what we want to go on in our world today, plus who would be looking at me, by way of bring up old memories of yesterday in hopes to replace the bad feeling that we had, for some reason or another and present ourselves as a changed being, to lovers and coworker alike, that’s an elaborate cover up that only works for the moment we own it, like lotion or make up that shells the body until it dries up or rinsed off, then back to the thought of preparing myself with you in mind.

It’s never about us but all about us thinking all about you, even if we don’t know you, in our individual worlds conjuring up thoughts of looking to please, that houses please don’t let them point out a flaw by way of a frown, that would have me going to the mirror thinking what now, followed by “I thought that..”, to lapsing deep into self-judgement then a depressive state, and now the rest of our day is spent this way.

Interesting how we’ll walk a certain way, then get on the phone and our voice change, deeper for guys and higher for girls, elongating the Hey into Heeeeeeeey, then telling the truth, that “I was just thinking about you”, not mentioning the “was just” was just all day long, that for some stops the focus on getting things done, where when things need to get done, I’m thinking about you, that transforms into jealousy of what I think you’re doing, in relationships where thoughts are not heard out loud, or talked about together but well thought out, it’s when you just want to end it all and get out, until we realize s***, I’m doing it again.

The point of reflection is a collaboration of you and the you of me that we don’t think about, but think it’s all you, while thinking ‘Wow’ look what they can do, and that’s where the term “Look up to you” comes from (to me), instead of looking with them to see how to.., we marvel the knowledge in which they have and compile the best thoughts we have about them, and so time spent thinking about you, begets the ‘how’ can I do/be that too for myself.

“In light of” = certain circumstance that’s brought to our attention that someone saw but forgot to mention, ahead of time to see how one would take it, then when things become too much they’ll step in and say it, but at that time that’s when fear runs rapid, when realizing no one was thinking about you, but for you, in thought that they were keeping you SAFE, which means, to ”Say-Fear-Exist” in every way, therefore when someone leaves you we’re quick say be safe, as if to expect that something could happen at any time, but the one telling you fears more of what’s in their mind, than what may or may not happen in physical reality.

Not to say that it’s bad to think about someone, but when that thinking interrupts ones point of standing up, that’s when it’s a problem, that has nothing to do with the person being thought about, but more so what we experience in our minds alone, that transforms our well-kept behavior into sort of a submissive vulnerability, with claims that I’m nervous when around certain people, and in relationships, “Oh they make me weak in the knees”, where the strongest guy in the world can be turned into a puppy, (Hypothetically speaking) when their girl say “It’s going to be ok baby”, I mean simply put we put fail safe mechanisms into place, without knowing that we’ve done so that could save the day, from us staying within such a possessive mind states, it erases the bad thoughts about others in mind, when hearing the voice of someone who’s there to support you, and it’s supportive to bring here those who support you, that makes space for other things that comes up to be investigated, and corrected in moments of thinking about you, because it’s Not what you think, but more so our reactions to our thoughts, that can be sorted out in one moment with self-forgiveness because it’s ourselves that needs correcting, not what ‘They’ did.

To be continued…

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 23 Mar 2020, 00:45
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... -react-to/

Day 875: Not What You Think, But What We React To

Hiding despite the lying behind our proprietary ideas, we claim to be in touch with our inner most fear, and so use this claim to having done things for you, when the thought was fashioned around me and only me, hoping to not get caught and be seen as selfish, so the next person would say “Awe you were thinking about me”, that we then breathe in as a sigh of relief, but thief’s the understanding of where these thoughts comes from, that for the moment have brought us much satisfaction, and validated the fear of loss state we were in, because what comes up in the mind cleverly suppresses our expression, until we’re left there thinking this is who I am.

We react to the slightest thing that comes up in our mind, then bring someone else into it thinking this is for them, not me when it’s me who brought the thought up in the first place, but then project it off onto someone in our world, at the forefront of our minds we hold space for significant others, to peak around them and see what’s going on in their worlds, then impress upon them in which direction they should take, but when all else fails, we say “I was just thinking about you”, where what’s good for the goose my not be for the gander, we use slander to keep our self-interested Ego in tack, with no tact or consideration for those we effect, except when wanting someone else to think about us.

Fear of loss has a cost of sinking into depression, scared of losing our seat in the chair of comfortability, where we wish everything would just remain the same, thinking if it ain’t broke there’s no need to fix it, but broken down and ravaged this society of fence sitters, and quitters everytime things just don’t go our way, so we then think about the way others are doing things, that takes us further away from figuring out ourselves.

Under extreme circumstances the thought about you comes up, in hopes to rekindle the excitement of the past, where just so maybe because the world is at a deficit, they’ll think about me too wishing they were around, so when thoughts like this comes up you should just laugh, because time has passed that made me the present me, that goes for EX’s with complexes that questions where are they now, instead of accepting the pressing of the reset button with a smile.

Where reactions run wild, the thought of not being understood is present, especially when thinking about those we want to understand us, but it’s really the thought about others that makes us worry about ourselves, and so lose sight on the point at hand in exchange for our idea of things, which may be presented as abruptness showing frustration, but leaves no space for seeing the state that I’m in, and when pointed out to me it’s a bit too late, because now we’re irritated by what “WE” created, but what I’ve realized is that if I lead myself into exampling my standing, makes it easier for others to walk into processing their own standing as the point, being that from the onset when sharing, the point was already made, so anything after that is a validation one needs to look at.

It’s always me, all about me, when understanding “Back to the Basics” is here for a reason, where any time I go outside of what’s got me to this point, leaves room for processing my own demise, where tomato and to’mato is two paths with the same outcome and as long as that outcome is what’s best for all, why jog the understanding of how someone sees things, unless I’m thinking about you instead of what’s best for me, individually that one may be able to facilitate in their world, others may not, it's where individualism is at its best, so when the question is asked “What is your best?” The answer could be, giving others the space to walk their own process. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used most of my time thinking about others/with others in mind, when doing things in my world, such as getting myself together at the start of my day, and into the day, instead of just being here with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the thought of others perceptions to interrupt my focus on doing some of the things I do, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea of what others would think about what I’ve done to alter the way I do things, that muffles my expression when doing the damn thing, because of the fear that others may not like what I’ve done, showing how thinking about you this way is not constructive, but disruptive to expressing the best abilities I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a way and at times squander my best abilities away, interrupted by thoughts about others, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much about others when acting on my abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell others I was thinking about you, in the past in moments of being selfish and being caught red handed, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and myself to have hoarded around the things I like most, in hopes that no one would ask me for what I got, but when that someone comes around when I’m feeding my Ego (in a sense) don’t want them to see me as lesser than I’ve presented myself as to them, and so say “here for you” for them to say “Awe you was thinking about me”, that’s follow by a silent relief for not getting caught, with no correction thereafter in correcting my self-deceit, but creep right back into repeating the same thing and down the same road I go tumbling again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thoughts that comes up in my mind, especially about others when “What if’s” are present, where I’ve then went into a positive happy feeling or a negative (frowning) depressive one depending on my mood, taking myself on this emotional roller coaster ride, that lies every time about what I’m seeing, believing is real no matter how far-fetched it may be, that screams ‘Now’ is the time I should take responsibility.


And so, with responsibility taken bring things back to self, that I have created the experiences of me, where if I faulter at something do to not paying attention, shows that I may have someone else in mind, therefore;


When and as I see myself losing focus on something, into failing at it, do to not being present all the way through, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand how this may be do to having others in mind, thinking about them and what would they think about what I’ve done and/or how I look and/or how they would feel, instead of defining my starting point for me as; For me by me first, that way I am doing what I do to my best abilities, so the best outcome would be the best of me.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to prepare myself with others in mind, doing things in light of what others would think, but to instead, see what’s most effective and supportive for me first, as long as what it is, is what’s best for all, then implementing it, with no pre-thoughts.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to react to the thoughts that comes up in my mind about others, as in the backchat “No I don’t want to think about that” and/or with frustration as to why these thoughts are coming up in the first place, but to instead to, see what’s coming/coming up, forgive when needed and live the corrections, to so letting it go unconditionally. Life goes on.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 27 Mar 2020, 22:46
by Carlton
https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 876: Systematized (Perspective)

Hypnotized by hypocrisy cripples the being into standing behind the mind, instead of right beside it, equal to and one with, that splits the decisions we make into a divided collision, on our side divide between what’s ‘wrong’ and right, that affects others in their own lives. Zombies we are to the system, that threatens the way to life for each one of us alike, walking blindly into being who we’re not, we’ve found comfortability within, when who we really are is left out to dry, systematized by all we believe is real we’ve created to be so, and although something within us doesn’t seem right, we march off into the night puppeteer by perceptions.

Instead of being endeared to the heart, holding oneself close to the chest we accept carelessness contrasted by the mind, where in moments of contemplating in the head disconnected from the body, we give way to infections that infiltrates through our pores, that’s when we then look up to bring ourselves back here, because it’s been a long time since we’ve connected with our ‘Self’, therefore have projected our minds onto others in our worlds, and since they’ve done the same, created the state we’re in today, Systematized by the lies We’ve told ourselves, that everything is going to be alright but all else failed, opening the door for fear and panic to run ramped throughout our world, that’s just a momentary taste of what we’ve accepted in our own lives.

But if you really have a look at it this fear is useless, because when it’s all said and done it’s not about what we lost, but more so HOW we stood, where if the awareness of Oneness and Equality is prevalent we’ll see the gift within things, in situations on our own that assist us to correct our living, how we live and participate with each other in our worlds, that will only change when taking the opportunity to get to know me better, where simply put, if I don’t like to be yelled at, I shall not yell at others, if I don’t like to be judged, I shall not judge others, if others walk away when I’m screaming out for help, I shall help the next person with what I have to offer, and with these things plus more comes a self-changing perspective, that lessens the systemization we’ve become accustom to, from cursing out the world to showing courtesy to my neighbor, that’s worth more than any money coming and going through my palms, where if all money was gone would Power still exist, or better yet ignorance is bliss, ignoring the “Self of Flesh” Existing, so instead of trying to run away from the Body we should get to know it and connect with it, that’s connected to the Earth and all that exist, we owe it to ourselves to while Here have an awesome experience, by way of treating others how we would like to be treated ourselves.

Which opens up the point of connections and the way we have defined it, with rules and laws embedded within to not go around or step outside of, in any way for contorted reasons that’s only reasonable to our self-interest, that has systematized the way we form groups into disassociation from the rest, where what we think we know we don’t want to share, and so become hoarders of prominent information that’s here, thinking others wouldn’t be able to understand what we’re saying, but if tried would find that people are more acceptable to what we know, especially when what we know is worth sharing and talking about, and sought out to support others to realize things for themselves, begets being the bearer of bad news all the time and shines through conflict the point of correction.

If chosen to be selective with what comes out of our mouths, in consideration of not spreading misinformation faster than the any dis-ease itself, would make for a better understanding of things that takes place, in our lives and in our worlds and this world as a whole. With words we can mold things into being what’s best for all, and create systems that’s meant to care for all life that exist, which includes you and me, housing no broken promises, but the confidence that each one of us would be taken care of as Equals. So instead of looking Systematized through the eyes of the mind, realize this time we have to look into ourselves is well worth it, and deserving if we as humanity come together with a purpose – that’s dispersing common sense throughout all of existence. I am/we are a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.