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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 14 May 2020, 22:19
by Carlton ... rspective/

Day 883: Appreciation, The Good and Bad (Perspective)

Along with the good someone says about you, is it possible to appreciate the bad some talks about you, sought out of self-interest to make one look good, under reasons defined for their own self-recognition, which really shouldn’t have to be the case, because of being accepted by others just the way we are, that’s cool in a way how we normally are, without all the extra additive s*** we stuff in to a personality, that characters our individualism in division with others, who then may turn around and appreciate seeing you for who you are, where the “Fool me once” aspect may come into play – that’s Facing Our Own Ludicrousness before learning to change, like looking at one’s own starting point for going into things, and watching how vulnerable we are with those presenting themselves as trustworthy, and deserving of a friendship they’ve said to have fostered on their own, but one cannot spin this merry go round alone = if the appearance is appreciation but really apprehensive to the plight of another, it’s extensive the length we’ll go to to make ourselves look right, until ‘the cat is let out the bag’, could it be that things are in reverse, that doesn’t mean we should judge another for what we may have done first.

I mean it’s like a curse to suppress our own self-worth, in exchange for the insecurity that I’m not enough, which is made up in the mind right behind the words ‘shut up’, thinking what I have to say may fall on deaf ears, when all the while this is just related to fear and should appreciate what each situation is showing us, that may come in a way we least expected it, and from whom we’re gifted to have know thus far, it’s always an eye opener to see yourself in another, that un-blankets the smothering we’ve done to our expression, where you can’t blame someone for our own acceptances, we’ve allowed in our past that came around full circle, and think, is this deserving when I’m a changed person, or is this change just a dress rehearsal for what we haven’t corrected yet.

Before programming ourselves it’s rehearsed the mind states we go into, not considering the consequences we may cause upon ourselves, which is consciousness playing out the part of human nature aloud, as we proudly sit back thinking I’m quick to the punch, and rather enjoy how easy it is to beget spite with spite, thinking it’s alright because you did it to me first, as we sabotage the relationship by making things worse, and quick to walk away thinking I can’t stand this person, when it’s the personality we’re presented we can’t stand to correct, and because we can’t see it we take things personal, and purposefully hold the others feet to the fire, lying to ourselves “I don’t appreciate what you did”.

But because we’re not standing as the person in consideration, we’d rather debate in validation they don’t know what they’re talking about, instead of appreciating how we’re shown the flaws in expectations, we'd soon wait for the right time to put them in their place, and only later on realize we didn’t have to save face, about what it is we’ve chosen to miss take as a mistake, and even though it may have come be way of another, if I appreciate the uncovering of a deep seeded personality, within myself would be best for me to correct and move on, because as it was said you need all your relationships when moving forward in this process, instead of secluding myself and staying within the mess I know best.

What I realize is that it’s not really that hard to appreciate the bad of another, along with the good if my starting point brings it back to me, in the sense of investigating the things I see in another, that I too may have perpetuated to/towards others in my past, because when it all boils down to it, we bring things upon ourselves, but blame the other person for mirroring the hardness of human nature, I mean we all still exist as this hardness of human nature, that is possible to correct and become a living example, and what I mean by living example is to inaugurate a new start, of being aware of the things we come up with to say in the moment, and with how we choose to say it and to whom it may concern, should be considered the ripple effect it may cause in our ‘Worlds/War with Relationships’.

With this could it be I/we’ve been partial to appreciation, only appreciating the things that feeds our self-interested Ego, but when the Ego takes it revenge we start to feel low, instead of slowing ourselves down to see how we should appreciate both, the good and the bad shown as this would only make us stronger, where when corrected, together we stand stronger as all humanity alike, that starts with you and I putting aside the need to fight, that just so might be the light that’s talked about at the end of the tunnel, that was never reached for being so goddamn dishonest, I mean could it be that on the other side of right is common sense, but to get there we all have to stop chasing after broken promises. Therefore -

Appreciate this; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have appreciated what I wanted to, as someone being there for me in my time of “need”, and all the good things I felt that complemented me, and the compliments from others made me feel at ease, without considering I should also have a look at the other side of the equation, where with the bad, I pushed aside to give way to the point of agitation, instead of appreciating being able to see in real time, points I may have existed as and not corrected, by way of another showing me my own human nature.

Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be partial with appreciation, only appreciating the good and disregarding the bad as something not worth my appreciation, but not to say you should just accept the bad being done unto you, as this would imply, me purposefully given into the plight of another, but to consider in appreciation what the situation is showing me, so the next time my starting point for going into things is corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been one to be quick to fall into the conflict of things, welcoming it in order to say I won on the other side, then only appreciating having the last word with more people on my side, that has sabotaged a few relationships in my life, but interesting how when this last situation that I just faced with someone came up, after the initial shock of it, instead of rushing into making a statement about my ‘rightness’, I chose to slow myself down and look at the situation from an objective point of view, along with sharing it with a few people in my world, that gave me the space needed to bring things back to self, that brought up this point of appreciation that I hadn’t looked at in this way.

So to me when appreciating what we see/face/shown and do, see being done and so express what we learned, no matter good or bad, helps in piecing myself back together into being the best version of me, and hacks many points of conflict, fear and insecurity, because I’ve taken the BLAME away from them to EMAIL BACK to Self, Self-Responsibility - That I now can use Appreciation in a constructive way for Myself, when it comes to the bad/negative problems and conflictual situation, that stops me from getting all roweled up about correctable occurrences in my life, to be able live Appreciation as my form of expression.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 22 May 2020, 01:21
by Carlton ... t-a-point/

Day 884: Don’t Want to See it (Just a Point)

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first it’s practice to deceive, but interesting how the deceit I find is an attempt to turn a blind eye towards what comes up in the mind, we somehow connect to others that has nothing to do with our thought process, but suppress the negative in what these thoughts are, wondering how is it that I attach others to the worst of what I think, where if not corrected correctly could come up when least expected, unless we purposefully blame what’s coming up on another that they can’t see but feel within their being, like direct seeing but unaware of what we’re really looking at, that I have experienced as the negative, something must be going on, then go into fear about it as if I did something wrong, suppressing the movement that moved me away from being here, until the next positive energy comes up and think I’m in the clear.

It's fascinating how we’ll get a feeling, a chill of sorts where the hairs on the back of our neck stands up and think somebody must be talking about me, or get an itch in the palm of our hand and thing I’m about to get some money, then sit there waiting and nothing ever happens, then suppress it because we don’t want to see that it’s not real. Makes you wonder if anything we’ve ever thought about is even close to being real, I mean I’ve remained hopeful throughout my life thinking that change would just fall in my lap, as if I could take a nap and wake up a changed person, like praying to the lord ‘please take these burdens away from me’, then get off my knees thinking now I’m saved, because I begged and pleaded to some unseen entity, but what remained is the same thoughts, same feelings, same emotions, and hide the fact that I’m still the same care-actor during devotion, hoping that no one notices what’s still coming up in my mind, and so have become crafty at creating things to hide behind.

As a child growing up we looked up to people telling us what to do, and how to be and what we should do once we’re of age, I mean I became comfortable in following the beliefs of what they said, and created my life around it thinking no one can tell me anything, and when someone would try I didn’t want to see it, and so hid behind the idea of trying to embarrass another in front of others, pointing out (superficially) what I deemed as flaws in them, that I also got from growing up and being exposed in front of the church, as a protection and defense mechanism to not be put in the hot seat, but if I would’ve just looked at what they were saying I would have seen more of me, to so move forward into correcting the worst of me to bring out the best of me.

But I didn’t and now I’m sitting here writing out how I didn’t want to see it, that could have cut time off of my process by just having a look at it, because what I didn’t realize is that when having a look at what you don’t want to see, soon comes the acceptance that what I have been existing as and now become aware of still (for most part) needs correction, like I can’t correct the present by sweeping the past under the rug, and try walking into a character presentation of change that’ll make matters worse, for me, because the past is still present that’s why these unexpected thoughts continue to surface, so the dessert to it all is to correct the past first. Therefore;

What I found is that I still existed as some old patterns/habits/ways and behaviors from my past, that I didn’t want to see then and still at times not now, thinking out with the old and in with the new, leaving the past in the past, unchecked and uncorrected, and although some points have been walked, there’s still a lot of memories left, and wonder why the same s*** keeps coming up in my mind, it’s because before letting things go unconditionally, I hadn’t embraced it as a part of me/pieces of me that I continue to let float around in the back of my mind, waiting to be triggered by an idea/picture or perception of another, or even a smell can possibly trigger old thoughts/memories to come up, then all hell breaks loose, in the sense of being overwhelmed by them, when all I had to do was to accept the bad and ugly also as me, to be introspected and corrected to start directing my life accordingly, and sort out what I don’t want to see that comes up from time to time, to in time express the best of me all the time = Have a look at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed, to have paid too much attention to the things I didn’t need to see, instead of having a look at the things I don’t want to see, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deceived myself into turning a blind eye towards what comes up in my mind, that I sometimes connect to others in my world nowadays, that really don’t have anything to do with my thought process, and so within not wanting to see it, suppress the negative of what these thoughts are about, that goes back to memories of my past I left unchecked and uncorrected, and now when they surface I attach those in my current reality to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe, that because I’m walking process I’m ok and don’t need to go back and have a look to correct what’s still coming up from my past, as some memories that I don’t want to see, with the idea that I’m already changing, in my mind, instead of changing my physical reality to being the living change in fact, by having a look at these thoughts that triggers memories of my past, to so stand within and as them, embrace them to then introspect and correct.

So, When and as I see myself not wanting to see what comes up in my mind, I attach others to for no apparent reason, and so, or be shown/mirrored through another what I still exist as and not want to see it, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand, how I still need to continue to go back and correct more memories of my past, that when coming up causes a reaction within me, as I then accept and allow my mind to randomly bring up people in my present to attach to it, not realizing how I have defined myself as the memories of my past, thinking/perceiving/believing this is still who I am (in a way), but not.

Therefore, I commit myself to the continued correction of the memories of my past, no longer accepting and allowing myself to think/perceive/believe that I’m over it, and/or some of these memories don’t need correction because look at me now, but instead to replace this idea with action, acting on any and every movement/moment of memory that comes up within and as me, so to stop it at its inception, not go into it, or bring another into it and react even more, but to look at it, embrace it, correct it and move on. [Note to Self-] How do you know that you ‘don’t want to see it’, unless you’ve already looked at it?

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 01 Jun 2020, 02:59
by Carlton ... g-a-voice/

Day 885: Coping (A Voice)

Ok so, at times I’ve been partial to state the obvious, but in realizing that every voice count, here’s one perspective. Enjoy!

The utter frustration and irritation that transforms into anger, is perpetuated by a voice that’s not really heard, that the world now see is such a huge problem, that still until today haven’t been solved, a people confused and abused, I mean how would you cope if no one came to your rescue, but kept pushing you down every time you started standing up on your own to change you, where in a society for All it’s still them and us and because of those two words keeps us from getting to know one another, and it’s not really the words but an engrained doctrine, that if you don’t have my skin color then you are the problem, and so lose all empathy when a life is lost, but at what cost but to the detriment of all humanity.

How do you cope with life? How do you cope with not understanding what’s going on? What do you use as a coping mechanism, from alcohol to drugs to energy drinks and cigarette, from sleeping pills to aspirin to being defined by a belief system, I mean listen to ourselves thinking the next man or woman is different, because of race, color, creed or religion that’s not it, we often use the terminology “A life for a life” but what it really is, is a Life taken for the preservation of the mind, blinded by the idea of people pleasing one another, that opens the door for opportunist to take advantage of the situation, that has now come to a tipping point, what are we going to do from here, if we don’t take this time to look at our Fears?

Especially when it’s not realized how FEAR is the mother of all F*** ups, thinking because we don’t know ourselves we should Fear one another, claiming to feel threatened by the sight of another, but just a threat to our Ego’s and so use our extremities to try and neutralize this FEAR, that becomes even more prevalent on the other side of what’s happening, and the laughing that’s done afterwards ends up being disastrous, where after it’s all said and done we’ve destroyed our home (Mother Earth) because the Muthaf***** within us is driven towards conflict and long for the apocalypse trying to erase what WE’VE done = No responsibility taken.

Anything that disgust one should be disgusting to all, instead of having discussion about superficial inequality, when it’s obvious that real equality doesn’t exist, as long as there’s an hierarchical system saying you’re expendable, and so send young boys off to War, all for one Man, and a freedom that doesn’t exist for all but that one Man, just to get back home and live out broken promise, where the dominance is only privileged to those with money, and everyone else is treated like crash test dummies, I mean how can we possibly pick and choose who lives and dies, when none of us have even lived a self-honest life, we should be ashamed.

Question is are you really in control of yourself, or is it the almighty dollar, or being puppet around by consciousness telling you this is who you are and what you should do, then do things that NO one should have to go through, to when you get old nobody likes you, except those you left all your money to, that ends up going down the same road as you, trying to cope with the same problems with no viable solution, that’s passed down from generation to generation as the sins of the fathers, while all the rest of us sit back acting unbothered, just as long as nothing happens to me or my loved ones, then watch it rise in the News and sort of Die out in the Sun.

We’re quick to say, “We are all in this together”, but even our stand is motivated by money, not to say that you should just turn the other cheek and walk away, but stand for a solution that all humanity can agree on, like if you are given the responsibility of being a protector, then protect all correctly without using an Ego, and if you’re in a position of making laws for the protectors, then make sure the laws also Protects the Protectee’, with no exceptions for all races, colors and creeds alike, because we only have this ONE life to get things right, and if we don’t the future of humanity will fall, and all the children will still be lost when coming into this existence, at the cost of the parents and all of us who participated in it, I mean to experience deliverance we have to change the system, from the inside out just as we have to do for ourselves, into Oneness and Equality for ALL life that Exist, which includes YOU and Me facing such changing times, but first after walking through these consequences in time, we’ll get to a point of elevating our lives. Where's Your Voice?

Be Well.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 07 Jun 2020, 01:22
by Carlton ... with-care/

Day 886: Handle with Care

The rush of things creates rude occurrences, to rude awakenings that maybe I should slow myself down, from pulling and yanking at it, to watching things fall apart, because patience is no where to be found when wanting to get things done while moving too fast, but there’s a saying that goes, “You only have to do things once when done the correct way”, that saves you space and time from having to do things again, I mean even patience shows itself, when sitting in line at the McDonald’s drive thru, so why not have patience when walking things through, or working things out, that’s what this process is all about, that I lose track of sometimes then find myself back to square one, walking the same or similar points over again, then become frustrated for not remembering my corrections when it counts, in between the four count breath in, and the four count breath out, that’s the pace in which things are handled with care.

But sadly while aware of everything we do, we accept the thought of, just so maybe I can take a short cut this time, then take the elevator instead of using the stairs (hypothetically speaking), just to find oneself stuck because the power went out, where if only I would have listened to the cross-referencing of Self, would I have shown Life, a step in the right direction, when tested to see if I can direct myself, equalizes us to the change we’re processing to achieve.

It’s mostly done in the subtle occurrence of things, that may not be major at said point of time, but if the subtle things are corrected helps to change our minds, from thinking I got this to showing I really got this, because I’m enacting the point of making myself spotless, like in religion when it says, “without spot or wrinkle”, meaning I spot and old pattern then iron out the corrections, especially when seeing the way I’ve handled things in the past, without care or even cared to really have a look at it, I’d just rush through it as if patience was a waste, and end up falling from the grace life has bestowed upon us, where before it hasn’t been in me to recognize Life as such, so how could I possibly handle with care life if I hadn’t my own.

So the other day I was playing this game call Jenga, where you have all these blocks stacked up and each person has to remove one block at a time and stack it back on top until the structure becomes unstable and eventually fall apart, collapse, crumble and what came up was the point of handle with care, where within the game it takes patience and you can only use so much pressure moving the block from side to side and slow breathing is a must, but what’s interesting is that when you almost remove the block it seems as if you’re already there, and what comes up is the mind telling you, I got this and so just want to yank it out, but in doing so the block structure will fall, but what I saw that came up within the game is the words extreme focus and concentration, slowing down and patience, but also perseverance, in the sense where once it get to the point where any next move would bring it all down, one would just want to give up, just to not be the one left holding the bag or losing (might I say), but what’s interesting is that if one just push passed the resistance you’ll find that there is still life left so to speak, and so within that, I related it to walking my process and how often times I wouldn’t handle it with care, where I would rush through points, lose focus on things and resist looking at some points, to wanting to give up on others (Points), so but in real time the physical playout of this game is like walking process that was a cool physical action to see and participate in, in real time that fits well for me with understanding more of how process works in the physical, I mean I would recommend this game to those who haven’t played it yet, as I am forever grateful for having started walking my process, thanks Desteni.

Thank you for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 15 Jun 2020, 03:09
by Carlton ... ing-about/

Day 887: Redefining ‘About’

Equals = a doubt about what you’re hearing/thinking or wondering, where unsurety is surely a cross-reference of self-interest, when asking what’s it all about, to choose if I want to participate in it or not, where choices are just voices in the mind, to stop one from seeing what we should be doing and doing what we could, but don’t, I mean what’s it all about, but the turn about of redefining every word I speak. Enjoy!

“What”, in close relation to the word About, questions the ‘bow’ to asking for understanding the answer, and so choose the acceptance thereof, where for most of my life being a wonderer, would accept anything around what the real truth (Of then) was, and called this a roundabout, but far from the truth and more like a guesstimate, that fitted well with my self-interested feeling, and because I never wanted my feeling hurt, hid the truth of me/About me (From myself) right in front of the question mark that Postludes the question - “What is this all About?’, which was really the beginning of my PTSD even before going into the military, asking what is this religious thing all About, and why should I continue to follow it?

Then you have “It’s About time”, in the sense of spiting the ‘what you were waiting for, stating “Well it’s about time” as if you were really waiting on the other person, unless it was outside of self-interest, then the statement wouldn’t need to be said, unless it’s About time for you to go on Stage and Perform, or Stand/Stand up for an Interest that moves you supportively, or Stand back up when falling, instead of laying in the ‘wallow’, wallowing about in a compressed state of being, squeezing one’s beingness into a corner in the mind, and have found this is what spawned me into being lazy, and so missed plenty days of opportunity that came.

Then realizing the statement, “This is what life is all about”, as an illusion when money is the happiness we put into play, added on to the American Dream per se, being that it’s only for those whose able to live it freely, and achieve it sneakily away from brainwashed minds, like having to pay a pretty dime for a bottle of water, that’s not about Equality in no way shape or form, but Liquidity that forms the way we live, I mean who forms the ideas that comes up in our minds but us, so really this is all ABOUT all of us and not about just you or just about me = A Broad Overview of Universal Traits

But I then learned to say “I don’t know About all that”, which was such a simple adjustment to make, from thinking “I know everything” to stating the obvious (I don’t know about all that), shortened the likelihood of me just agreeing to everything I didn’t know about, I mean one just don’t know what’s assumed to be unknown, because one just don’t want to know About all that, or think it’s within our best interest to know About all that, until we’re shown what we really don’t know, then turn over a New leaf about what we’re shown, or added onto a character we’re trying to promote, that’s never spoken about, not knowing how others would take it, until it’s prevalent and in our face do we say “It’s About time to change”, which has been passed time considering the times of today, that state’s “I think it’s About time for the world to change”. Don’t you?

Sounding of the Word ‘About’

A BOW - A show of respect, which is really a point of submission, within a world built on/around a hierarchal system, so the idea/perception/belief that I’m inferior to Others/Things/Places/People, so choose to submit ourselves as a courtesy.

AB’S OUT - As in a point of showing off oneself in a picture perfect presentation, having the perfect body, for self-interested reasons/reasonings, but more like left out, because who I really am as life was left out of the equation in this picture, with the idea that if we look good everything else would fall into place. But Not!

A BOUT - As in a boxing fight, but more so a fight with oneself, a fight with understanding oneself or another as oneself, outside the mind, where instead of fighting with oneself, as they say in the military A-Bout face, meaning to turn oneself around to facing another as the mirror of you, Salute and Correct.

Common Definition


on the subject of; concerning.
“I was thinking about you”.

Concerning in itself is interesting, that houses a subtle stench of fear of loss, as if to say one cannot see unforeseen circumstances if I’m not present, (As I have perpetuated in my past) and as long as I’m there my mind is at ease, which really makes one’s concern all about me, instead of the other person.

used to indicate movement within a particular area
“She looked about the room”.

What comes up for me is the 360-degree circumference, moving in any given direction, which could be the accumulation of everything, the placement of everything about, in your vicinity as you, if seen as such.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the word ‘About’ in the sense of concern/wonderment/uncertainty and doubt, stating, not to know what something was all about, when I knew good and well what it was for most part, at time, so concerned myself with wondering about what I already knew, just because of second guessing myself to the point of uncertainty, doubted my comprehension of what I was seeing, blaming it on the words “I don’t know”, when what I didn’t know, I would state that I did. And when it came to things being About someone close, not realize how my concern was coming from a Fear of loss.

Where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the word About in context with Fear of loss, not realizing how I was manifesting the other away from me, in a way, because I wasn’t here with myself, so how could I possibly be stable About another. And I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the hidden energy behind this word (About), being that it’s often said as an interim within a conversation, so overlooked as being something also needing correcting/purifying/redefining. Therefore;


Being that of ‘All’ in my vicinity (as what it is) known and unseen/unnoticed or realized, the circumference of everything, All as me, which includes you/me/nature/animals and insects alike, living all together in Oneness and Equality = the sum of this 1 LIFE, is what ABOUT really is. So, when saying/using the word About - to embrace what it is, all as me, and correct what it is that I didn’t allow myself to see. And that’s what I’m talking About.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 24 Jun 2020, 01:41
by Carlton ... lue-i-see/

Day 888: Energetic Value (I See)

Images are like actual incidents in cadence with the mind when reacted to, like looking at an old picture that houses happy memories, then comes the smile, and the feeling we get from it, that turns into wanting to relive it, and go back to the same experience we had in those times, that I allow to take me away from being here, because I’ve given energetic value to it.

The same as a bad/negative reaction to a picture in my mind of an incident I had with another in my past that has surfaced in my present, then comes the frown, connected to an emotion and a down feeling, as if to blame them for being the reason I’m experiencing myself in such a way, which is not the case, because I’ve given energetic value to it, and so placed myself in a possessive mind state, because I didn’t correct the incident within myself first, completely, to so let go of it unconditionally, releasing the energy from within me in order to see it for what it is, just a shaking up of resistance within and as me, that I let create my value to energy when seeing this picture.

Interesting how the things we value are material at best, before valuing a friendship that’s best for me, where I’ve valued friendships for self-interested reasons, instead of seeing the true meaning of what a friend really is, as someone who’s quick to walk through a reaction with you, that’s supportive for the both and keeps the friendship alive, that takes no energy to be on the same side, I mean it’s kind of hard to deny someone who mirrors the best of you, and will talk through with you the worst of you both, although most friendships are kept for energetic value, I value all my friendships that has no energy, that takes no energy to say what you want to say, and when you want to say it is always the best time, but it’s best to watch the words that comes out of our mouths, because the energetic value we give to them is shown within the tonality in which it’s presented, like using ALL CAPS when texting a friend, instead of calling them and telling them what’s really on your mind, and then comes a belief, “I don’t need them in my life”, until the energy dies out and boredom set in, then back to making an excuse to connect back with a friend.

Then there’s an energetic value I’ve given to time, where what comes up is the rush of things I do in my mind, chasing after the energy of a stressful feeling, and/or rushing to get to a perceived happy time, plus the point of acting on, “Time is of the Essence”, brings forth the bubbling in anticipation to get things done, instead of valuing the walk through at a consistent slow pace, I energize the point when starting too late, as if to debate whether or not I have time to do it later, that’s overcome by resistance, to being press for time, transforming patience into a form of desperation, negating waiting to playing a game of hurry up and wait.

From the clothes we wear, to the cars we drive, and the houses we own that most of us rent, is a testament in type and style the energetic value we give to it, where growing up it was, “Stay out of the dining room”, and “Don’t use the dishes the China Cabinet”, that turned into, “Don’t touch my stuff and “Stay out of my room”, and “If I catch you I’m telling momma on you”, that we took with us into adulthood, and call this keeping my property safe, that has manifested the world into an unsafe place, because everything we have we put on display, to see if others would value it the way we do, just to suck off of the energy from seeing their face, but if they’re expressionless we experience dismay, all because our level of excitement wasn’t reciprocated.

Being that energy is created through friction and conflict, we value the friction and conflicts we go into, unaware how this energy is to our demise, but still choose to step into it just to say “I’m right”, to win and argument or a fight with another, for others to say “Man they’re not playing”, then walk away pumped up with Hot Air Energy, Valuing the stance we think we took, but more so a romance with falling down, because the energy we’ve gathered will soon run out, finding ourselves in a depressive state, waiting for Energy to come and save our day, and so Value it

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put an Energetic Value to the things I like/cherish and hold dear, that moves me into a happy state of being, not seeing that if I think I need to cherish or hold dear something, then I’m not standing equal to and one with what it is, but accepting and allowing the fear of loss to be present, thinking “if I lose this, I won’t be the same”, that shows how I’ve became possessed by all my possessions, through clinging onto them as if my life depended on it, from material things and even people/friends in my world, not realizing how I was diminishing my own Self-Value, and valuing the depreciating of my own Self-Worth, for self-interested reasons I gave more value to things, claiming with these things I feel completed, but completely missing the point of ‘All as me’, that these things Are me I just externalized, to get an Energetic rise from whenever I saw fit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience around the energetic value I’ve given to some of the things I see, as if just looking at them unconditionally was not an option, and so at times became overly opinionate and emotional about these things, instead of remaining stable about them within my beingness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times not see, the slight moments I lose stability when energizing things that come up in my presence, from knowledge and information to looking at another person, as if I’ve rehearsed slipping into an energetic mind state, so seamlessly it seem to be a natural occurrence, until I’m assisted back to the present by the cross-referencing of pain, I mean in ashamed how it takes pain for some of us to be here, and so here I stand correcting the point.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize how it’s really painful in the long run to continue placing an Energetic Value onto things, that sucks the energy right out of the physical, to feeling depleted after the energy is go, then cycle myself back into the same experience again.

I see/realize/understand that even though for me, it’s being done on a subtle level, it still behooves me to continue to correct these subtle occurrences, as if they are still big, that way when walking and participating in my world day to day, I’m more alert and aware of my physical experience, and so emplace from Energetic Value replaced by Self-Value, the stability I’ve placed upon myself, to be able to Value the gift given from seeing/looking at things, that would show if I have corrected or need to correct a point.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 01 Jul 2020, 21:35
by Carlton ... rspective/

Day 889: Passion & Purpose (Perspective)

What one do well, and love to do, is considered a passion we perpetuate in our pass time, that for most part keeps us grounded and out of our minds, when implementing an interest that stabilizes self, like for some choosing Music/Art or even Crocheting, helps with nurturing in part our point of creation, that insinuates elevation in a forward moving way, as a workout for the mind to not be stuck in one place, and although passion is sometimes confused as purpose, our passion may not necessarily be our purpose in life, as one's purpose is the reason behind why we’re really here, that one must find to make our life purposeful. [Redefinition]

While Passion is a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something, is there really a purpose behind this passion, but a fasting emotion to connect/re-connect with someone or a thing, to experience a feeling of completeness that’s neatly nestled in limitation = the externalization of belief that something or another brings out the passion in me, instead of simplifying ‘The Passion of things’ such as loving to go for a walk, that also serves the purpose of constituting a healthy body, and for some helps to clear the mind from being cooped up all day, like sitting at a computer or on an assembly line for hours, that defines our survival in order to get to our life’s purpose, but first is to recognize our own potential that emerges, that may spring forth when acting on our purposeful passion.

Putting oneself in a position of self-worth, could be the start of personifying one’s life with purpose, where if one’s self-worth is realized, then the purpose is to share yourself in all the intricacies, the makeup of you, from the knowledge we’ve gained and implemented into our own lives, that when shared would have a positive affect on the lives of others, in the sense of progressing forward and the steps it would take, that’s been walked by you to facilitate change, like for some sole purpose is the care for the Animals and Nature, while others is to equalize the playing field between the haves and the have not’s, no matter our purpose education is the key, where if each one teach one we all would see, how great life would be if we all were Equal and One, that obviously starts with being passionate about something - that real passion has nothing to do with abuse and conflict, so stop the nonsense and start passing on to one another real compassion for each other.

Then you have those who have turned their passion into a purpose and/or have become passionate about passing on their true life’s purpose, that’s purposefully passed on the equality of self, with an innate nature of making sure every voice is heard, or facilitating the coming of Heaven on Earth, but how can we possibly get there when so many of us want to be right, and think that we’re right, and have a discussion about what we think, when all that’s being done is purposefully passing on deceit.

For money we’ll do anything, thinking it’s our purpose to be rich = a circle we hitch ourselves to, to not see consequence, and although we’re at the forefront of passing out these consequences, miss the obvious that obviously what you reap is what you sow, therefore if sowing the seed of separation has become your purpose for money, your only escape is to find yourself in a position in which you’ve created, where it might be all fun and games now, but you’ll pay for what you’ve done, when coming face to face with yourself with nowhere to run.

So best to make sure whatever the Purpose, it has ‘No Cause’, because within Cause is a clause that stamps a personal belief, unless the cost of your Cause is what’s best for all, then all would be passionate about living life together, instead of a few lining our pockets with money from trees, that we then create platforms on social media to be like me, and click the ‘Learn More’ button somewhere around this screen, then get there and realizing they just want more money from me, and the cycle continues with no real passion and no real purpose, that has immersed us as a society into the depths of ignorance, ignoring all the signs of Life showing us to Wake Up, because we only have so much time left to stand up together with real PURPOSE. Find Your Purpose!!

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 10 Jul 2020, 22:41
by Carlton ... -yourself/

Day 890: Save Yourself

With bits and sprinkles of knowledge and information, we fall in formation with those who have gone before us, hustling to get the information out, because what was once foreign to us have now met open ears, to be filtered through and transformed into ideas/perceptions and beliefs, without knowing the ground rules so to speak, of what to do with it, so use it as talking point, with no understanding of how to practically apply this information into practical application in our own lives, to then bring ourselves out of the light and back into the dark (so to speak) from whence we came, as a living example that presents the share with no words needed, because evidently our starting point would be to “Save Ourselves”..

But oh what a ruthless act of pointing out the flaws in another, because the words we use are only a cover we discovered to hide the wrinkling thoughts we’ve conjured up about another in the back of our secret minds, where spite is the name of the game, but it’s ok because everyone is playing (so we think), looking for the reward of getting our way in the end or better yet Money the engine to momentary happiness until it’s gone, then back to thinking I need to be saved again and/or save someone else with a problem, without having corrected the problem I have with savings, within myself first.

I was once told that in order to get to all the good things that process have to offer, I must correct the bad that I existed as in my past first, wrapped in memories that causes me to react, that persecute the physical into experiencing pain, but interesting how only when you learn from your pain would you experience the gain or dare I say the gift for those who’ve chosen not to suppress it, but still then we think if we don’t experience anything, then everything is alright, which is much more than a lie, we’ve just become used to hiding it, and comfortable to the plight of thinking that “I Got it”, which is limiting in fact, due to process being done over a life time. Meaning when getting/understanding things, there’s always more to learn and expand on within and as myself.

Thing is, only when Asked, should we assist others to Seeing a little more of themselves/ourselves, instead of saying “Careful not to say or do this or that”, because how could you possible know what another is facing/have faced, unless you’ve walked along side them for some time, and still then we gave them the space to correct themselves/ourselves, to see/say “Hey I get it, I’ve made a mistake”, then move in direction of correction of the mistake that was made, because unless it’s a reminder how can we say what another already knows.

Now the fascinating part within it is a fine line in fact, where we turn “Bringing it back to self” into ‘what I would have done”, that I constantly remind myself of the things I’ve done and walked through and into realization to then be shared, where the words; “Some People/Them or They” is really a Superiority complex, I find for me, stating that I’m Perplexed about the state of my mind, so find things out about how others walk their process and process it in my own mind, thinking ‘Hmm’ maybe/could be/I can support them, without realizing how I’ve just placed myself on a pedestal or superiority above them instead standing equal to and one with and as them.

[Mantra] “I Can Only Assist and Support Another, If I Have Assisted and Supported Myself First”.

There is always more than meets the eye to someone else, when first stepping into getting to know them, more than just reading what they wrote in the moment or scrolling/trolling through pictures/blogs or post we’ve found of them, from them, thinking we’ve come up with an Honest assessment about them, which in this case is the Hard assessment of One’s own Self-Interest, like saying “If I was them I wouldn’t do that” and “look at what they’re doing” and “I don’t want to be around them”, as if one can really rub off on you, to having to go wash yourself, instead of Watching our Self, with what comes up in our minds about others, to so then use the tattle tale character as grown men and women to subtly spiting another saying “Oh Look what they’re doing”, so everyone in our circle can jumps on the bandwagon, all because of taking out of context what the person was trying to get across, as well as what they’re going through.

How easy it is to slip into a mind possession thinking I may need to help someone out, when I haven’t totally help myself out of my mind in the first place before thinking I can assist another, especially when the other knows what they know that’s unbeknownst to us, because we don’t have to walk their process, and even if we could wouldn’t want to walk what they face, so why is it we think we know what’s best for them or their purposeful purpose for doing what they do, instead of gifting ourselves the checking of our own reactions, where in fact I’ve reacted to most everything I haven’t corrected with myself, that makes it nearly impossible for me to walk another through what I haven’t corrected, therefore the savior complex should always be inverted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even while writing this blog go into a reaction, reacting to the savior character I’ve perpetuated in my life and at time still so, that’s easily excused as, just because I know self-forgiveness - doesn’t means I know what to do, or should ostracize you for what I think, about what I think you/another is doing or why, that’s an interesting dynamic because within that I’m lying to myself hiding behind the forefront of another’s flaws, that in the end causes more consequences in other ways for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t taken the time to totally correct myself, before sharing the perception of what I think is going on in others world, and so have in times jumped on the bandwagon of what’s being shared, without investigating the point for myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in knowing how it feels on the other side of thing, still have chosen to be the perpetuator of thoughts/ideals/perceptions and beliefs, all in service of thinking about others instead of me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how it’s just as detrimental to self, rather writing thoughts/reaction or thinking them silently, it’s still the same effect on one that also needs correction.

Where all of this is based in energy, and where my inner reality is not looked at with clarity, because I accept and allow the idea of others to be present in my mind, and so find myself missing out on what’s really going on within myself, to then experiencing myself rushing to catch up with me, for the simple things I missed, that could have taking me one step closer to reaching my utmost potential, instead of adding time to my process.

Therefore, I commit myself to reeling myself back in, out of my mind about others, to so go fishing within myself to catch any personal reactions I may have about things in my world, to be corrected – that’s saving myself from drowning in a self-created emotional experience of doubt about what I think is going on to so equalize myself back into saving me.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 29 Jul 2020, 01:58
by Carlton ... mongering/

Day 891: Fear Mongering

Agendas agenda from September to September and in November we’ll see what best fits the narrative, the mirroring of a collective, a system trying to stay alive, when change is in the air, but would rather scratch and survive, it’s a design known ‘Oh so well’, but have yet to be realized, by a masses that frantically drift towards the divide, how cancerous it is to participate in lies, that strips life away from the beings in which it resides, through fear mongering tactic that has drastic consequences, I mean how many time do the world needs to be scared into submission, before waking up and listening to that soft voice of doubt, telling you to ask questions on what this is REALLY all about, when no one really knows the true effect of this dis-ease, but one man telling you to submit to me please, that has most people running away from a common sneeze, thinking “Oh S***” they must have CV and quick to tell on someone touching their own face, I mean how much more of a distraction can we possibly take?

It’s an action of half-truths turned into faction, and because we see it on the News, it must have been fact checked, instead of checking our reaction to being told such News, we abuse the right to tell the truth, and become amused when seeing abusers blame someone we don’t like, then jump on the bandwagon to exploit our “Rights”, which is the right to be Opinionated or Agree to Disagree, when it’s really not the masses disagreeing with each other, but the few with all the money telling the masses you should disagree, I mean have you ever considered the divide and conquer analogy, which states; If you separate the masses it’s easier to control them, and if this is not the case, it’s still worth knowing, and exposing the sheep herding mentality that’s been taking place for centuries, shepherded by greed, fostered in belief, we’ve allowed to have a monopoly on the way we live our life, by telling us what’s wrong and right and what we should do, then every so often you’ll find someone who tells the truth, but since we’re not used to it we disregard what’s being shown, and would rather stay home in fear of the perceived unknown.

One of the greatest deceits of spite is making one believe that I’m not the one that’s driving you into fear, and so manipulate you into believing it’s coming from another, like the sleight of hand trick pulling the strings of your emotions, so you can move back into place and continue being enslaved, I mean this only happens when the masses are awakening, and fear is running ramped in the minds of the deceivers, scared to be pointed out for the veil purposefully placed over humanity, in order to maintain control over an uncontrollable society.

So we dug into the bag of the past to pull out reactive points, like racism and inequality that does exist but not really at play here, like how is it that just now is the time that most News media organization choose to put this in the forefront, when the world has known this to exist since it’s inceptions, with no correction so what makes you think this is anytime different, but a political stunt perpetuated until after the election, then back to the same old democratic divide, where only us 99% (As the monkeys in the middle) feel the consequences of all the lies, from both sides we’ve allowed this game to go on for so long, all because we’ve subjected ourselves to a little four letter word call “FEAR”.

But here’s a perspective of where this fear mongering could have come from, as a watered down version of something to consider; “Could it be that from the beginning of time when we first got here on this planet we felt worthless and insecure, so desperately wanted to reverse this feeling so said let’s come together, but soon realized that this coming together made us feed of off each other’s fear, then a few of us found that we had the ability to make things others may like, and so started the bartering system of trading with others that made things we like too, we then started feeling a sense of worth from the things that we made, but only after others liked the things we made did we start feeling secure about ourselves, until others started making the same things that we did, so went back into fear about having our sense of security taken away, we needed to devise a way to keep this positive feeling alive, then started spreading rumors about how bad others product was, saying if you barter with them you may get sick and die, then started ostracizing others who did do things our way, and that may have begun the point of fear mongering for selfish gain.

This then went on for quite some time and with the advent of money and belief systems, we used this to validated our point of fear, where now all we had to do is tell someone if you don’t believe what I believe in, then you’ll disappear, and from then on with every child born we the parents forced into submission, that fear is relevant in order to survive and stay alive in this existence.

Once this was established it was easy to control the masses, because now all who have the money controls everything that was bartered, and love the power that comes with being able to tell people No, and so chose propaganda instead of what’s best for all to promulgate this sideshow, and when all else failed other fear mongering tactics was invented, to prevent anyone from ever figuring out where did it all go wrong, because if this was discovered all hell would break loose, in the sense of breaking ourselves loose from this fear that binds us all”. I mean when do we stand?

Before I started really walking my process for consciousness to awareness, a friend of mines little girl asked a question that I was privy to hear, that was; “Why do we as humans remove animals and people”, that baffled me how young she was and I didn’t have the answer, but looking though the eyes of a child you can clearly see how they’re able to see something wrong, I guess that’s why we insist children go to school all day long, so the system of things can stay intact and nothing ever change, and by silencing our children this way things are bound to stay the same - just watching the world deteriorate because we’ve allowed fear to take the place of Life, not considering that if we accept one life to be lost, we also accept this for ourselves.

So how can we possibly expect or tell one to stand that haven’t realized that we’ve fallen, fallen for one man’s consequences we’ve gleefully taken on, that’s all our fault in becoming comfortable with the design of an hierarchical structured system, that’s built on the long suffering of the average human being, where no matter how much you tweak the system won’t change a thing, until we look into ourselves to change our way of thinking.

So, the illusion of fear that exist, exist as a protection in defense of our Ego, that if this fear is dropped so would the Energy of being controlled, and if all would say NO the controllers would lose their power, then just maybe we can get to a point of solving the worlds problem, because controlling a persons life is NOT a solution to correcting the system, but exacerbates inequality that’s the downfall of humanity, so why not correct ourselves by caring for all life equally, that way we turn this existence into a place you want to be.

And if you’re interested the correction would be; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the fear mongering tactics that’s projected onto the masses, and me as one of the masses have went into fear, fear of the unknown and where do we go from here, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, how this is because of the fear I exist as internally, that I have perpetuated to/toward/unto others in my world throughout my life, by spreading misinformation and conspiracy theories so others would be on my side, conspiring with myself to stay within the conflict of things, instead of looking for a solution within myself to stop my own point of fear. That way I become a fearless stable human being that’s able to exemplify stability, by investigating all things and keeping that which is good, then stand within the understanding of what’s best for all, and not just the few.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give credence to money, and accept and allowed monies coming and going to drive me into fear, where even if one is financially free, the fear of losing it would still be here, not considering with these ideals in my mind have created this world to be the way it is.

So, one can see how it’s not just the fault of the few, but also from the 99% of us that have accepted and allowed this to happen on OUR watch, as we have watched this happening time and time again, believing that we’re powerless to do anything about it, that’s not true, as the numbers of the have not’s when standing together could equalize things, but starts with equalizing me/myself Here with me and you, you, then come together for the betterment and upliftment of all, to stop this fear mongering once and for all. We will get through this.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Posted: 12 Aug 2020, 22:41
by Carlton ... -dumpster/

Day 892: The Earth is Not Your Dumpster

Everything that’s in and on the earth is already in it’s designed place, with a particular purpose that helps the earth flourish/grow/develop/thrive and expand, a paradise for all life to commune/interact and evolve simultaneously, long before mankind had graced it’s shores, as a hybrid connected to a mind conscious system that doesn’t experience the emotion and feelings it excretes out, on and into the human physical body that has direction over where and how we dump our s***, from verbalization to idea’s and broken promises, the only confidence we have is the illusion of dominance, from within that we lose connection with the earth, and do things unbecoming to the life we are, like wiping our nose and throwing the paper on the ground, then walk away thinking I’m “So fresh and so clean, clean”, as a presentation we present ourselves as being so clean, but won’t hesitate to ‘hock and spit a loogie’ on the street, (That’s forcefully spitting out a mass of saliva and phlegm from the throat ), that sounds nasty because we hate to look at the nasty things we do, and would rather blame it on being a force of nature, where with nature we’ve mushed together things that interrupts the body’s function, all for having a few trees in our pockets, and dominion over something we can’t control, and would lose our souls over what the mind tells us to do, like dumping our waste a few blocks away from me and you.

How can one possibly usher in a good/new life through strife and destruction, when it’s taken a thousand years for God to program one day, do we really think we can keep on going this way, when history has shown how we let fear interrupt our change, where time and time again we’ve trashed the Earth in cycles, then built on top of the destruction to cover up what we’ve done, but just as nature sprouts through cracks in the concrete, so has the truth sprouted through the cracks of our own deceit, as we continue to spray ‘Roundup’ to kill off the weeds, human beings are not weeds we play a vital part in this existence, that starts with being the Guardians of this Earth and the life that inhabits it, for the children of the future to come and live life to the fullest, I mean who knows if we might be one of the children coming back again, entering into a world still full of sin, and trash we’ve left from previous generations, that has created disease and viruses that pirates away our way of living.

I mean we talk about the children as if we know what’s best for them, but show them it’s ok to throw our trash out the window, on the ground while driving or standing ten feet away from a trash receptor, thinking as long as I drop it in the vicinity someone else will pick it up, then the next person do the same, and then the next and the next, until that whole side of the street looks like a war zone for food fights, where the grass surrounding it can’t grow because of all the mites, that comes for the food in trash trying to assist our human neglect, when all we had to do is pick something up before stepping over it, that’s considering the Earth and the next person walking behind you, that could possibly assist an onlooker to do the same, and when they do it (as well) creates a chain of change.

I mean imagine going anywhere, anyplace on this earth (for those living in heavenly places) and there the neighborhoods look the same as yours, no trash on the streets, thriving gardens, just a breath of fresh air, wouldn’t it be comforting to see that this is one less thing for the world to stress about, where the saying goes cleanliness is next to Godliness, so why not God the space in which we live, work, walk, play and breathe, exemplifying a point within Oneness and Equality, that if we can all do this one thing, (that’s cleaning up our own space), would help facilitate the foundation for bringing heaven to earth.

But what I find interesting is that it’s not actually the food that trashes the earth, but the things we’ve created to wrap around the food, from paper wraps, to plastic containers and crates to carry loads, and boxes to keep it “fresh” that when left alone manifest mold, then take these moldy boxes and pack in our clothes, and when the boxes tear apart we throw them out on the side of the road, to be pick up and carried to the landfill to be buried or burned to the heavens, and when the stench reaches the atmosphere, it rain back down on our crops, then wonder how we’re creating a society of malnourished human beings, it’s because we walk right passed the things on earth that needs to be cleaned, and this is just one perspective. The Earth is Not your dumpster!

Thanks for reading.