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Continuing from my last three blogs -
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to delay dealing with the points as to why i have not been writing consistently, i realise that within procrastinating on dealing with any pre-program, there is no movement and instead i become further entrenched within and as the mind where it becomes more and more difficult to change. I do not accept this to continue in my life.
I commit myself to seeing my computer exactly as it is - my computer, i realise that anything else is only happening in my mind and so is not real. As and when i notice thoughts come up that I'm being "imprisoned" by my computer, i stop and breathe, i do not engage any of these thoughts and i continue breathing any time any mind movement comes up, until there is no more reaction that comes up.
I commit myself to living the realisation that unless i am physically being imprisoned by something or someone, then any type of believed imprisonment is nothing more then a figment of my mind as a self-imposed imprisonment and so is not valid as reality.
I commit myself to living the realisation that doing a lot of work on a computer does not mean i am being "imprisoned" by my computer, it simply means i am required to complete tasks on the computer whether it is in my work or social life. I notice that within effective scheduling of my time, it is possible to get everything completed in a practical pace and time-frame, and within remaining stable as breathe, and moving myself within common sense, i realise that this allows me to be free as the same person, as life whether i am working on a computer or not.
I commit myself to stopping the belief that i must "escape the computer" at the end of each day as i realise this is something which has come from my allowance to define the computer with a prison in my mind, when i really am only imprisoning myself. i realise this "escape from prison" concept is completely self-limiting and does not assist me in living what's best for all.
When and as i see myself attempting to avoid or get away from the computer at the end of the day, i stop, i see what is happening in my mind in the moment, i bring myself here through breathe and do not allow myself to exist as this "escape from prison" concept.
I commit myself to respecting my computer equal as myself - i commit myself to not allowing myself to blame the computer for anything i am experiencing within myself, as i realise that the computer is an incredibly useful tool, that essentially pays my bills, allows me to live a life of dignity, but is not in anyway responsible for my internal experience, that is completely my own responsibility.
When and as i see thoughts come up defining my computer within work, i do not allow myself to go into and as those thoughts, i breathe, i stay here - I commit myself to living the realisation that work is not in fact defined with computers, this is only an illusion i have created in my mind through reacting to how many hours i sit at a computer each day. When i notice that i am clock watching through the day too often, i check myself to see if it is a practical physical time clock check, and not a mind based reaction time clock check.
I commit myself to living the realisation that it is only through taking Self-Responsibility and physical labour that this world is changed to the benefit of all, whether that is physically draining labour work, or through typing at a computer, it is only through my hands that i can change what is here to work for everyone.
When and as i see excuses coming up in my mind to try and avoid doing what i need to get done, i stop and breathe, i do not allow myself to engage any self-created excuses - within Self-Honesty i check if the excuse is valid or not, is real or not. If it is not real then i continue breathing here every time and do what i need to do on the computer. If i notice the reason is valid as to why i cannot go and work on the computer when i need to, then i will return to complete my computer work when it is practical to do so.
I commit myself to not allowing Bernard's or Peter's or anyone else's death to be reasons as to why i do not write. I realise that my reaction to these two immensely influential people in my life dying, is a huge reason as to why i have not been writing consistently for the past few years. I realise that everybody is going to die in this world, no exceptions, so i realise that within fully accepting this point, accepting everyone's equality to death, then there is never any death that can effect or change who i really am as life.
When and as i see my mind wandering into any thoughts about Bernard or Peter, or anyone's death that is based in hopelessness, i stop, i see what is happening in the moment, i do not get involved, i know where getting involved with these kinds of thoughts will lead - into creating cycles of depression, anger and procrastination, which does not benefit me or anyone else. So i simply breathe, because within breathing there is no thought, there is no separation that exists from physical reality, i can get done what i must get done without any hindrance, so i move within breathe continually until these thoughts do not come up any more.
I commit myself to standing and walking no matter what, to take Self-Responsibility for everything that is here, then changing what is here to only keep that which is good, doing my utmost to create a better world. I will not allow myself to fade away into a nothingness ghostly experience of myself where nothing is done apart from abusing myself.
When and as i see my mind conjuring thoughts based in fear and beliefs that a "conspiracy" is happening to me, i stop and breathe, i realise that these fear and belief based thoughts do not help me in anyway to be a better person on this planet, but rather just keep me in total separation from this planet. I also realise within this, that even if something was "happening to me", why in anyway would that make a difference to who i really am as life, and what i am doing with my time on this planet. So i breathe and continue breathing consistently until i have no thoughts/concerns about "who is going to die next", because all i am concerned with is living what is best into reality.
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