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So recently someone I respect as an intelligent and strong person, pointed out a mistake I made in conversation with someone else - that my tone had become overly direct and even pedantic, sarcastic and what was construed by the person as slightly rude.
Now being directive in the way I speak and act is something I have done for a long time, which i taught myself to do so that my position is always clear with any interaction with any person I know, therefore I can get to the root and solution of a problem as efficiently as possible which is best for all life - thus i prefer that people are directive with me in return so that I am clear on their intent from our interaction also.
Yet what I have noticed is that if in discussion, the person I am speaking with seems to be very indirect, circuitous, uncertain - then my directness can veer into this sarcastic and judgemental nature, reacting in my mind in annoyance to the indirectness this person displays as a flaw that is "my enemy".
Yes manners are a part of the value system we allow here as capitalism and so while you as you walk your process to life may find manners less important do not forget that that they system will attack you for not endorsing and supporting manners.
Then on top of this, when this person pointed this out to me I was resistant to the suggestion that I had interacted ineffectively, my ego immediately defended my position seeing the idea of this rudeness I had apparently displayed to not be true and unimportant as in my mind the person being offended by me in the moment, only highlighted the persons thin skinned nature and issues around the system of manners.
However, the reality is that this resistance to the suggestion that I should adjust my interaction if someone is indirect speaks directly to a larger issue in general around the point of the Resistance to change generally.
So I walk -
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as a resistance to change when someone tells me I should consider softening how I speak to someone who is being indirect, because as the ego my mind puts up a defensive mechanism where I blame the other person for placing importance on manners and being indirect.
I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here breathe that while it is more to the point and therefore time effective when someone is direct which is best for all, not everybody is at the same point in their process - we all learn and self-realise anything in our own time when we are ready, therefore expecting others to automatically be on the same wavelength as me in relation to directness makes no sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a believe based in polarity friction where I define being direct as good and being indirect as bad, which only keeps myself and all of existence in complete separation which I cannot allow to exist as it only perpetuates the system of self-interest as the idea of myself here which is based on the internal conversation as the capitalistic mind consciousness system which does not support all life equally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being direct as good and being indirect as bad, when in reality there is no good or bad in anything, there is only support or abuse and we all see, realise and understand things at different times in our life - there was a time where I didn't know what I know today for instance, so just because I have tested and found that something is beneficial for all life, that does not mean the person I am interacting with will be at the same point of realisation in their own life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as direct, where I separate myself from anything my mind classifies as indirect, when in reality being direct and indirect is all a part of this reality, all a part of who I am here, therefore defining myself as direct or not does not assist me in living what is best for all life here .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed when I believe that someone is wasting my time through not being direct, or placing too much value on being polite, which really only shows me that I can be controlled by someones indirectness or value in politeness, when really why would it make sense to allow something to move me into reaction? I am not willing to be a slave to the idea of myself, therefore I am not willing to allow myself to be brainwashed by anything that does not result in the assistance of all life equally here.
I forgive myself that I have not realised that if in self-honesty I was completely clear in relation to manners and indirectness, then I would not react as this annoyance manifested as a sarcastic, pedantic edge to my directness.
I forgive myself for believing as the ego that "I know" that I can "tell quickly" when someone is wasting my time, when while sometimes my assumption may be correct, in reality when someone is being indirect and is placing value on manners, that does not mean my time is actually being wasted, it just means that the person is not as directive as me, they may take longer to make decisions in life due to their own pre-programming effecting their decisions making, which doesn't make them less or more important or a person actively trying to waste my time.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place myself in the shoes of another in all moments, because when I do in these moments - I see that I myself have many times in the past been in-directive with someone due to being confused, uncertain, allowing some pre-programmed fear to effect my decision making.
I forgive myself that I have not placed myself in the shoes of another in all moments, where I can see that although I have redesigned myself to not take offence when someone is being what the system would refer to as impolite, before this i myself have been offended by someone being rude, so judging someone for doing the same is not acceptable.
I forgive myself that I have not realised that whenever there is a resistance to change, this clearly indicates to me the control of the limited version of me as pre-programmed self-interest as this world system as a whole - I realise that I must change to become that which is best for all life as me and as I participate in the existing world as a single physical bodies example to not allow any hiding place for abuse to exist.
I forgive myself for placing so much value on the idea of myself as the mind reality, that I completely procrastinate to investigate how pre-programmed systems actually integrate into and as physical flesh to control what I have allowed myself to become here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internal mind patterns that I have accepted as myself to run the physical as an illusionary idea of myself regardless of the fact that without my self-direction here, it would automatically participate as me without any care of what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through this resistance to change and the acceptance of the pre-programmed idea of myself, that I remain an active part in allowing a system of abuse to exist on planet Earth, as I have put so much value on how I feel, that I have disregarded any form of resistance to change as a threat "to me" because this resistance comprises me feeling in control, when in reality how I feel is not important until all life is supported equal and one in all ways.
I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment that there will always be an initial Resistance to change that come up whenever I poke at the core of my pre-programming, which is why I must unchain the pre-programming chain by chain until I get the whole system out, before I can then replace with a new design that is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself hidden doors, whereby I will look for quick fixes like a fast food restaurant, so I can try to avoid getting to the root of the problem, but instead just remove little parts without realising that whenever I give my pre-programming a secret doorway, I can never be certain that what I am doing is actually best for all, thus I must remove all the chains connected to a pre-program so that I can be sure that I am clear in who and what I am re-creating myself as which is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ignorance to how reality really functions through accepting the mind as the pre-dominate factor of what makes me who I am, when this is only the idea of myself, not who I really am as life as this breathe - I realise that this ignorance is where I do not consider the consequence of how action and reaction, cause and effect creates what we allow as the reality we all share.
I forgive myself that I have not realised, seen and understood in every moment that I have been finding it acceptable that others may suffer by the effect I cause, prioritising my own self-interest while those that suffer, there situation will improve much faster If I act immediately to change to what is best for all without resistance and delay, and that the more I push myself through the resistance and delays, that this builds the muscle of myself as the physical awareness of life as myself where change to what is best for all will become faster and easier.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realise and understand in every breathe that writing myself to freedom actually, specifically means Righting myself to freedom in a tangible practical way.
I commit myself to accepting resistance to change when I walk change, as the way I will remove whatever I have accepted and allowed until it is removed completely and that the resistance will disappear once I have removed the pre-programmed idea of myself.
I commit myself to find every point of resistance to change that exists within me as that is really my blueprint to show what I still allow as the limited pre-programmed crystallised shard of myself.
I commit myself to living the realisation that I cannot allow ignorance, that I can never give up no matter what, till there is no more resistance to that which is best for all life.
I commit myself to investigate and find out how the mind becomes the psychical system so that I am prepared to never allow this atrocity to happen to any being that comes to this world ever again - i commit myself to understand how I have allowed myself to become an idea of life, in self-interest without any compassion for those that are less fortunate, and without the compassion to face the pain of the resistance I have to go through to remove all the systems of limitation that I have allowed myself to become which is not life.
I commit myself to not allowing myself to react in annoyance when someone is being indirect, is placing value on manners or someone else is suggesting I should accommodate that in another - I realise that we all are where we are in our process of life, thus it is always best for all to be clear hear as who I really am in self-honesty - so as and when I see my mind having thoughts come up in these moments, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to interact with any reactions that come up as I know that to do so would be the continued enslavement as the idea of myself in complete separation from the physical which I cannot allow - so I breathe and continue to do so until there is transcendence where no more reaction as thoughts, feelings and emotions come up.
I commit myself to living the realisation that writing myself to freedom actually means righting myself to life practically here.