raul journey to life

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raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 06 Nov 2017, 18:05

i have decided to make a new post for myself because I am doing something different with this new blog, and I did an blog that was based on my own ego and perception, I can't stand it anymore


Day 0

So I am starting my real blog to set me free. I think I am not the first person who has started something, without refusing in every moment in self honesty to give up that ego point of self. For me it was impossible to conceive, I could give things up, but me? why? And then eventually something started watching my mind, the totally of it, and I started really seeing, to the point where I didn’t want to be playing games all my life. I got so tired, I was intensely cring for some days really absolutely refusing to take responsability for myself due to certain things that were happening in my life. And with the time I started to remember. And I am here. And I am going to bring me, no matter what, no matter what I think, it must be done, I must remember. So this is Day 0, I have done a lot of work, but I still can see everything, so at the end of every day I will be starting self forgiveness, let’s see if who I become in the following years.

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 08 Nov 2017, 00:23

https://wordpress.com/post/rauljourney2 ... ess.com/22

Day 1

I need to forgive myself for certain things

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be lazy and not do in the moment what is needed to be done

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel that what I am doing with my mind is so important that can’t and should not be stopped, when in fact I am not getting anything of value for my life, in real application, I am just feeling atracted to a certain idea or thought that I get identified with.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel that I would be very happy if I had a relationship, and I could feel very appreciated

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel I am pretty or superior

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel that a relationship is something good for me, or would fix anything, when in fact I could not handle it

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself through my relationship mind based program, feel that I could be more, feel more, if I shared my reality with another woman

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to lose myself in the words I speak, and thereforce become the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to deny a process that is right, because is required for me to be me in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel that I am less than my mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself lose myself in the moments I feel nervious while in a communication

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe in a communication I must stop being myself, and express ideas in relation to the other person so there are more posibilities of him/her understanding me

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have fear while expressing myself in a communication

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself not be in power and controll through honesty of every word I speak

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to let my mind dictated how much every action I make cost

Thank you I feel I take it out when I am honest and apply self forgiveness.

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 09 Nov 2017, 20:49

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... /09/day-2/

I forgive myself that I have felt that I need ego

I forgive myself that I have felt attacked

I forgive myself that I have felt superior

I forgive myself that I have felt inferior

I forgive myself that I haven’t loved enough

I forgive myself that I have believed I am not more than the superior/inferior polarity

I forgive myself that I tried in any way to help others, when a part of me reacts to them

I forgive myself that I needed to grow up, to hurt other person

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be against myself, instead of supporting myself

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that someone, can do something to me

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel offended

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that other’s can’t see what I see because, because they are less aware.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I have something that the rest doesn’t have

I forgive myself that I have allowed to believe I am prettier, or cooler, than anyone

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create separation between me and others

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create separation to feel superior

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge others when in fact it’s about the judgements I have inside myself about me

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 13 Nov 2017, 23:41

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... /13/day-3/

Day 3

Didn’t have a perfect day, but at the end of the day I understood I have the tools for me to grow, and that it’s my responsability to do it, I can’t allow myself to do what I did today, I won’t give up, I just want to grow and bring myself to life more and more, I can do this, it’s just 3 days! I CAN DO THIS!!

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to enter in this emotion of saddnes, that feeds on depressive music, and that only wants to feel more and more the sadness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to enter into self pitty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to doubt about my process.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not stand as myself, here in this world, for myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to stop watching myself, and my process, for me, and for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel alone

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not be an example for this world

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to go out of my own breath

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to accept my mind

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 14 Nov 2017, 20:43

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Day 4 – Judging people

Day 4, I am going to talk about something I have next to me.

In the past, I would have an answer for everything, to judge a person. I would literally “see” everything about a person an decide who is this person who is in front of me, and decide how good or bad is the person. This was an ego way, for me to separate me from the people, to believe myself as superior, to reaffirm the existing judgements about myself in myself, and to support something that is unffair in this world.

What has changed for me? It changed the moment I realized, oh shit, I am ego. Not just my “ego part”, but me, I literally was ego. From that moment I saw, how to really work on myself, how to bring honesty to every part of me, and this had a big impact on the people around me. I would no longer consider myself as different, I would not separate myself from my equals, I would be able to see who am I, within myself, separated from my ego mind, and then see everyone else. And honesty started to come through. Now I know that in the same way that I don’t want to be judged for my mistakes, because they are not really me, I won’t judge others, in fact I know within myself that I am a very good person much more than I can accept, how if I can’t even accept who I am, am I going to try to see who is other person, that I don’t know, that I probably will never trully know, because that person is the only one living his/her reality.

So no, I am not separating myself form the rest anymore, I understand we live in the same way, in the same responsability with this world, we share the same duty, we all feel this in our hearts, and I am treating you just like if you were me. And I can’t even treat myself properly, so…

So now I have inverted the situation, and if I see another person I will see how I judge myself, and I will do the proper work to set me free, and every time I do it I feel more and more clean. And I can see how, with people that I have judged in my past, I can see how if I open myself they are open too, and we are the same. I can see my judgements walking around, and I can say I do what is right, and I grow as a person here. And since then I am supporting myself and others in a more effective way. Everytime I see a resistance, towards helping other person, or sharing my truth (I sometimes do because of ego), I know I am doing it to myself, because that person will be thankfull, because she also feels like “me” you know, I am not the only me in this world, we are all mes, and so everybody deserves to be a complete me, and there is even people that I know they deep inside don’t care about me, they wouldn’t help me in the same situaton, and that is fine, there is something missing in them, a perspective of honesty, and I am not going to rest until you and I are the same, and I wish I had ever denied this, denied you, but I believed myself as more than, I believed I was missing, and now when I help you I know that I am helping me, and I would like that you felt the same way, because I exist, and I deserve that you recognize this, I would like to say let’s fight together! Let’s help each other! Let’s get this world back! Let’s share this gift and defeat the evil!!!! I get too inspired with this energy sorry hahahahaha I feel like something is pulling my chest more and more when I get into it.


I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate me from others

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge people

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel superior

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 15 Nov 2017, 17:56

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Day 5 – facing anxiety

Hi, I am going to express myself about this anxiety and this fear, this sensation that poisons my soul and constricts me and asphyxiates me. It feels like if you were stucked in a memory, forever living the same over and over, creating the same results, and really suffering because of your lack of self expression. It’s like if you were drown into a hole that has no way out, and you will try to get out but it will just get worse. And everytime it happens you know it wasn’t you. I really would like to puke this sensation and never feeling it ever again.

But I have learnt one thing, the way to do this, is to touch the sensation directly, you don’t avoid, you don’t fear it, you won’t supress it, and this is the exact way you don’t want to go, because you want to avoid it, it causes you fear, and you want to supress it. This is what makes the difference in people, when you see two people who are different, the difference is how much of themselves, of their worst side they accept in self honesty. There is people who always run, and they make it worse for themselves and for others, and there is people that for some reason choose to be happy, but they aren’t really choosing happiness aren’t they? Because a person that chooses happines is a person who says “I choose happiness, I ruuuun away from this fear and avoid it and I remain happy”, so what is the real meaning of happiness (I am for sure redefining this word)? The meaning is, a person that creates something independent of the whole world, the whole world, and says this space that is absolutely free of all the existence that is me, it’s gonna be called honesty, and no matter what I am going to turn myself into this, and someday I will be able to be like honesty, and I will have walked a process with a lot of consecuences for me, but I will be able to say I am honesty. And what is the reward of honesty? I don’t know, I mean I can fake myself and say “see this poetry see this energy, this is honesty”, but I don’t know what is honesty, must be something very cool.

So, look directly into the fear. Don’t fear it. Look at it and say, I have nothing to fear, so no matter what, I am expressing myself, I can fail, I can success, but I am not allowing you Fear to controll me, I am expressing myself unconditionally, because I am the one who doesn’t fear, and like this I will grow, and fail, and grow, and I will be able to say that I expressed myself, and I didn’t allowed fear to controll me. Because the real failure is that you stop trying, because of fear. Fear can hurt, but you have nothing to fear. And let me tell you something you don’t want to be perfect, unless you deserve it, you don’t want to be magically who you dreamed to be, because it has no absolute value, the value is in the reality you are accepting within yourself! We want that, because it’s what make us something.

So, see it, touch it, explore it, understand it, see your past, release it, breath, become this person in your dreams that was more than you, be your hero and you will be a hero for the world. And maybe someday you find yourself at the gates of a real, big, scary fear, and you can say I was waiting for a soo big and scary fear, nice!

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 16 Nov 2017, 17:16

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Day 6 – Facing myself

I believe that when someone is ready, really ready, to face the dishonesty inside of him, life will respond accordingly. It won’t be like, everything is bad and there is no way out, it will be like, everything is bad, it keeps getting bad, but you are seeing your direction and moving to something.

I am seeing everything that I have allowed, more and more keeps getting out, but I am not dropping it this time, not anymore, I won’t allow it, this time I am going the right direction, at my own rythm, because I will go faster if I go step by step, and I am kind with myself and I say: You have done everything you could, don’t be so hard on yourself, you will try it next time, I believe in you. I never believed I deserved those words.

So I see more and more reactions in my days, they tell something about who I have allowed myself to become, they tell a story. A part of me is glad that I am doing this, without fear. All I have to do is be in my breath, feeling my conection with what is already here, bringing myself to life, and appling self-forgiveness for all that I have become. I am in a risky position because a part of me feels identified with those ideas, but no, I already was once in a risky position, and I lost it, now I am going for it, I won’t allow this anymore, I want the presence that is me, and I am gonna give my best for my process. And I believe I am in a position to do it, no drug adiction, no love adiction, only me, in the fredom of my life, with my own mind. I am really going to do this, I feel like it’s the moment to set me free, I sometimes feel how I can sell myself to a fake god, like relationships, and it would really be a fuck up, because something can happen here if I allow it. I don’t even want to drink alcohol, because it feels very bad, it feels like death, and I don’t want to die, why do I have to die, for what. I no longer feel confortable in this mind, I can’t allow this mind. I know how to do this.

And the most tricky part is that I feel, I know, that it’s the right path. But something tells me over and over “sleep mode” “sleep mode” “identified with this, identified with that”. Specially in communications with people, those moment are the most mysterious moments for me, I sell myself so easily in the breath, it’s like an habit. But I am building a ground here, for something to grow, so sleep modes are disconnected now.

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 17 Nov 2017, 18:17

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Day 7 – Uncertainty

Why does to step out of my ego scare me? Because I am ego, and I don’t know me. But I have felt what it looks like, I can feel it now, like if I were resting, trully resting, in this truth, or this… I don’t how to name it, this me that only appears when I remember that me is ego. And it’s a constant switch, it’s tiring, because every single time I notice I am ego. This is something I have to get used to accept. Maybe I will find the strenght to realize why I am doing it. I wish I will. One thing I know for sure is that this is the last time I am trying, if I ever drop this I am out and I am going to sleep mode. The more I talk about this, the more difficult it seems for me to go to sleep, to go to sleep I would have to go to sleep right now, and I am not going to, so I suppose that right now I am applicating myself.

It also scares me, because it’s something so fragile, one moment and I am gone, and I don’t know if I am coming back, and sometimes I notice myself going for brief moments to that sleeping part of me and it’s like what-did-just-happen. I am also afraid of creating an ego out of this an deceiving myself again. But I am reacting very good to these fears, I am appling my process in every breath. What is the problem? When I become my fears and I forget how I used to be back in my process, because if I am being my fears I am not being my process to create myself as life equal and one in this body. But I am seeing this, and I think I am going to learn to handle it, I must not give importance to the fear, I must not identify with it, I must become this living deep rest that I am now. When it comes, it’s like this energy that shakes me, literally shakes me, and I must hold to my process in those moments, I think I must enter and go out of the shaking while I remain in my process, so I learn something, instead of closing my eyes because I prefer not to see what is this thing that is shaking me. What is it? Fear of being myself. I am created to deny myself.

I will not drop it, lose it, in those moments of fear. I will feel whatever is that I am feeling but from the stability and the rest of this silence that is me that is my process, this is my commitment with the word honesty (I have to redefine you), I won’t drop you in the moments of fear.

I am also becoming very aware of everything that makes me lose track of me, for example I drank half a bottle of beer yesterday, just a half, and it totally affected me, my mind didn’t want to go, it was so damn close I felt no intimicy. And almost every action I make, specially those ones that make me pay attention, and focus on them, it makes me use my mind and lose track of who I was and what I was doing. How to controll this? Maybe being aware of my movements, and even of the work that my mind is doing, so it’s just not the work of my mind, it’s me with the work of my mind, and when I end I can go back to just being me. I must say that this is a rewarding process, because ego just wants to suck and dry my life.

I don’t like when I have to start all over again. And the only solution is self responsability. I don’t like when I have do the dirty work to go back to myself, and there is dirtiness in every single moment, but am I going to allow this to be me? Am I going to understand why I am doing this? Am I going to see all the path of my life, how I have destroyed me through avoidance of self responsability, and understand that someday, it will be a clean place, and I will be able to rest here? I hope so (I have to redefine hope).

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 18 Nov 2017, 15:15

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Day 8 - Certainty

What gives me certainty? What gives me the best potential of me? The best version, the one that creates something that makes me feel very good. I am for sure redefining all these words, but now I can say that is inspiration.

Inspiration is not something that has free will, that choose to come or not to come, and I am just there wondering if it will magically come or not. Inspiration is a decition, the decition of I am creating something very good right now, I am being the best version of myself. If being the best version of yourself, brings the best result, brings the greatest satisfaction, and brings everything you wanted of something to be, why are we not sometimes the best version of ourselves? For me, it’s an habit, the habit of I am this now, and I can’t see beyond this that I am seeing right now, I can be shown, that’s why I learn fast. I believe I can really show to myself that I am that that I am seeking, I can be my highest potential, I will for suuure have ups and downs, like it should be, but I am making a decition within the whole situation, I am not letting inspiration controll me, I am being the inspiration in the moment and creating the best result possible.

Within this I have noticed, that fears doesn’t seem so scary, I mean they are there, but the less you are scared of them the less they can controll you. I know there is gonna be a great reward of all of this, because I am very good at my job for my age and I am lucky of having moments of letting go as a profession, so I will have a reward with that, a very big sweet reward, but also when anything happens in my life, I will have this created space where I can be me, independent, honest, and where I can keep going up even if my lifes is falling apart, I will be able to say I have this inside of me, and it’s a space of honesty that has become my nature, and it’s something I take care of, so I can always come back here.

So what is inspiration, inspiration is not inspiration, inspiration is the result of taking responsabiliy for oneself in self-honesty and saying I am going to have the best result possible out of all of this, and the less fear I have the better. We sometimes can’t see what is coming to us because of fear, because of ignorance. And we stop growing because we are not seeing the whole complete scene that we are living. But really stop depending on inspiration, be your best version, see all the potential of growth you have inside of you, see everything that you can become, and walk step by step. And be kind with yourself in the moments you need you. Don’t forget you are depending on you, and you can’t allow anymore in your life to go against yourself, create in you this person that you would like to be, even if it sounds too good, be your best friend, support yourself, treat you with honesty, you perfectly know what is honesty. If you want yourself to enjoy something good and beautiful, you create it. See everything that you have allowed and start expanding more and more, and question everything that is already here. And inspiration will come by itself, you will be inspiraton. And you are going to see that life is not as bad as it sometimes seems, at all, there is a lot that is going to come to you, you are only starting. You have a long way to create, and you are going to create it, step by step.

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Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 19 Nov 2017, 17:46

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Day 9 – Personality, physical body

I have some interesting points to bring today. It’s something that is really changing in me, and that I see it’s a very important factor in the lifes of a lot of people. I am talking about masturbation. The simple thing of pronouncing the word makes me like, laugh a little bit, because it’s a charged word, it’s a stronge word, I am talking about sex, particularly about masturbation. But I would really like to talk with honesty about it, because due to it’s a stronge word, it’s not openly talked about in most cases.

What I am finding right now in my process is the following, I am not drinking any alcohol, so I can really work in this, I have make up my mind, and it’s the best decition ever. What I am finding is that I am stopping everything, I am seeing how everything affects my physical body in the breath, I am seeing each day more clearly how I go out of my breath in moments of my day. The solution is that I apply self-forgiveness for everything that I have become, so that I can be in my physical body for as much as I want, but that is of course a process. Right now what happens is that I see the points that I have not yet applied self-forgiveness appearing everyday. Also, I am stopping the good and the bad, because I tend to stop the bad, and then take the good and say for example “I am an honest person”, and even I cooperate with that, I say “But I am an honest person!”. And then I realize that, the more I am honest, the more I am dishonest, it's a game.

So, I am getting in touch with my body. For that, I am bringing myself, and I have moments where I feel this tention to not do it, and then something like a shift, a change of vision happens, and when that happens I remember things, I am honesty, and I am in my breath and my physical body. So, I am not yet my expression because I am always having shifts, always having tention, and I end creating unnecessary problems. Within this, a great support for me has been masturbation. I have been able to clearly see what I created with masturbation in my life, how it affected my masturbation, how my whole life changed with it, how masturbation is not what it seems at all. Masturbation has become an expression of the physical body, expressing itself. And within that something has happened. Who I was in my past, was masturbation, what I was searching to be and never achieve subconsciously was masturbation, I have been able to see what I did, how it affected me, what is masturbation and how it can support me. There has been like a divition in me, like the divition I had when I started developing my ego. But this divition feels like a relief, not like going to hell without knowing it. I feel that my honest being has come out, and it has healed something important that was happening inside of me, that made me a selfish person, that made me chase a lot of things, that made me anxious. I feel like a part of me is back, and I feel a bit sad, but happy.

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