raul journey to life

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Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 13 Jan 2019, 14:32

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... really-am/

Day 151 – My reincarnation and who I really am

This blog was writen the moment I listened to the whole serie of reincarnation and the afterlife in Eqafe.com, I had already bought some interviews, the first ones, and these brought a familiar sensation to me, like if I was conecting with a part of me that I already knew. But it wasn’t until I listened to the whole serie that I could understand what I am. Also, I updated my conclution, who I really am, after I had listened to the first interviews of Journeys into the afterlife, where I have been able to understand everything. This is my story:

I am going to explain here a very simple story and what I have learnt from it thanks to Desteni and myself. I have a lot of memories of being a young child in this world, I have always been intense in my expression in this life, since I was young I always knew that my intensity was the most important thing, if that got lost, eaten by mind systems, everything I had of me was lost.

I remember a story I lived before being borned, but it’s not even that story, it was the memory I created from that story in this body and in this life. The story was very simple: I was alive, in “heaven”, I was realized as myself, I was my expression, finally after I had died, and I would then, obviously, start my process of, through myself, discover the rest of the existence, and see what is going on in its entirety, why exactly I had to die to realize this that I am. Then, right after that, there was the reincarnation process properly set up, which would accordingly direct my own self-realization movements and, if I chose Anu and the rest of creators’ path, I would experience more of me in heaven, but if on the contrary I chose to experience heaven as myself, well they knew what to do then. In my beingness, I would always be self-honest, in the sense that I would choose my own path, because for me it did not matter what was going on, I had to see it as myself, whatever that meant. I forgot most of my reincarnation process, because it became harder to remember, but what I had saw, my realization, I sticked to, and I remember as a little child having the ability to lay in my bed close my eyes and I say to myself… I am going to access my story, which is in my body, to remember the story that I don’t know why or how, is so important to me, even though I can not comprehend it, and, surprisingly, it was still there, and I remember once diving in and even experiencing the story completely again, but after that, it slowly started becoming a memory more and more until one day I had forgotten it. Well not really forgotten, just buried, waiting its moment to wake up.

So, this mechanism of reincarnation, or this being, would, in case I chose to follow my own path instead of heaven’s path, talk to me in such a way that my answers would slowly turn my eyes towards myself until I said to myself that I would reincarnate again, I can do it. It was like this thing that would with each second make me closer and closer to look again inside myself instead of looking at the existence that I had first saw the moment I was dead. This all happened with such a preparation that I barely had chances of realizing myself. And this created a reaction in me, I in fact blamed myself for having allowed myself to reincarnate, I saw it as… I had this chance, and now I haven’t act, I didn’t think in the moment, it happened so fast, and now I have to reincarnate again and I have lost it, and it will take me another life to get there. It pissed me of, but there was nothing I could do because during my lifes on earth I would forget who I was, and when I had died I would have 3 seconds, only 3, to realize what was going on, but it wasn’t enough time, and they were so prepared that this is what resulted every time I died.

Even if with each reincarnation this is what happened, I always tried to see one step closer to myself, one step beyond. It was not possible, so all I managed to do in the time I had was remember this story that happened to me, the situation I was involved in, inside myself and therefore inside my body. From heaven I am sure that if this caused them any trouble it would be properly controlled so there was nothing stepping out of my preprograming and I would not be a danger to the existence of heaven.

Anyway all I was left with was this story in me, and as time passed and I was developing my physical body, I remembered it over and over, because I didn’t want to forget, it was like an access to myself. All I knew was that now I was in earth in a physical body, and from that perspective even my failure with my lost chance in heaven seemed to be more than me, but I also did not forget what I saw, how I always die and reincarnate, the truth about me, and how I tried. Because it is not that I didn’t try, I tried, it just didn’t work out the way I expected because they already knew I was going to try. And what I tried, my starting point, was, if you are really heaven, let me experience myself as myself, let me discover my truth, and then, conect it to yours, what are you afraid of? What will I discover if I do that? But they kept me in reincarnation after reincarnation so I would never get to the point of tring to do something about it, it all happened too fast and I was kicked out to the reincarnation process before I could try anything. But still, I remembered it because I knew there was more to me than what I had allowed to happen. And this is something that I blamed myself for, because I never saw as if they had done something to me, or they had tricked me, I saw it as if I had not been enough, it was me who hadn’t take my chance. And the truth is that I did hadn’t take my chance, because I was tring to be honest while at the same time I did not have self-integrity, self-integrity is different and it means that you will stand for what you know in your uncorrupted heart is right for the eternety, and then it will not matter if god is different from you, or fear is different from you, you will not care if you are alone, because you will be living self-honesty, self-integrity, oness and equality.

So, as I was saying I remembered over and over this story within myself, and when I had grown up enough to be a child, I had been so focused on this story, this inner truth, that I was always like, tring to solve a mystery within myself, you could even see it in my eyes, there was something intriguing about me. I didn’t use think in terms of finding logic about this story, because it was who I was! How could I deny myself, the place I came from, the only thing I knew was real, I just carried it with me. And as time passed and children were growing up in their minds and developing as personalities, basically finding tring to find themselves through the information the found inside this world, I was only focused on my physical growth and myself, because even if time was passing and everything was slowly falling apart, I knew I had something in me. And I believe that this was responsable for me having such an intense expression in this life, I always knew that I was right, and not he mind systems. Nothing about this world, my parents, friends, anything, could understand or agree with me, but I knew it because I had lived it, so inside myself, in secret, I didn’t allow the systems to fully integrate in me. This obviously meant nothing, just that I would be forced through pain to accept the systems, and it eventually happened. And I got buried.

I don’t know if this means that I was a good being, I don’t know if it was like I was tring to rebel against the evil of heaven so I could set the world free and be a superhero, I just doubt it, in fact, maybe what I wanted to do was stablish myself in heaven to create my own heaven, who knows, I never really got to discover it, sadly for me, because even if I knew how of a important moment it was I was kicked out from the game.

While looking at all of this, I could blame the creators of heaven for doing what they did to everyone. But there are many more points to consider, first, if I was in their position in heaven, if I was in the highest plane, and I saw the whole existence unfold with me and through me, who would I be? The answer is not pretty, I never was interested enough about who I am or what everything else is to consider my responsability within myself in relation to all of existence, if I had I would have standed alone. I am not sure if I would have been a good or bad being in case of existing in the afterlife, but I know that there would be a chance of me accepting the power and the corruption. In fact, I don’t have to look too way out there to find out, in this life you can buy myself, get enough money or whatever and you will be able to buy myself, since in myself, in secret, I don’t really value life as life, because you know, “I live in the world”, so, imagine now being the god of all of existence; I would not survive it, I would have to make the mistake, fully make that mistake of corrupting myself with all of my being to be able to grow up from it. There is one fact, which is that when you die, you experience more expression within yourself, and therefore more posibilities, and maybe I, because of that more intense expression I would have acted as a good being and set the world free, but there is another fact, my reality, what is real, right now. I am here, and I am waaaay far from being perfect, I commit abuse, so I understand perfectly the creators of heaven and what they did, and I am not here to judge them, or blame them, because in this game I simply was not the one in the higher plane who controlled the outflows of existence.

Second, the question is not if I should blame them for what they did to me or not, the question is, how is it that despite all I know and all I have experienced, I still allow myself to have fear? To do something that I don’t consider right to myself? To do something that I don’t consider right into another? I know why I allowed myself to reincarnate, I had no self-responsability towards myself or the world, because I didn’t believe it was necessary to build it, because I was afraid of standing alone in front of god. Maybe all this just happened because I was to busy having human reincarnations to get to get know myself and the superhero I am, who knows! But I am here right now, and I am not myself, this is the problem. I have never in my whole existence created self-responsability, because I always had fear. Fear that I fear standing for myself alone, in front of all of existence, I prefer to be shown the reality, so I don’t have to admit that I have fear. In fact when I was reincarnating I could have said no, I wanted to say no, but I didn’t, because it was easier to be weak, than standing alone for all of existence eternally. And I want to become that, because if I don’t there is no hope for me.

And it doesn’t matter if what awaits for me after death is hell or heaven, I must be able to stand for all of existence in solitute, because it is the purpose why I am here, and because I am seeing this right now, and I don’t care about anything else.

Now, I am taking this chance to stand for myself infinitely as the truth that I am within all of the existence, and I am currently in the process of creating myself with my own fredom, for me, and for the rest of the existence. I am now not only focused on who I was, but who I am, and who I will be. Now I don’t allow myself to not stand for myself alone infinitely, and with the rest of the existence. It doesn’t matter if in the afterlife there is the most tricky mechanism for me to not allow myself to not take responsability for myself, in this life I learn to stand for myself and for the rest of the existence.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 14 Jan 2019, 17:12

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... really-am/

Day 152 – The level of depth destonians are able to communicate

So, the first person I experienced this with was with Sunette, seeing her videos, listening to her interviews, she even answered directly some of my topics in the forum back in the days when I was just starting my process, and yes I guess sometimes we get so lost that we need the specific personal support to go back to ourselves. I am here to talk about the level of communication that can exist between people who have never seen each other, which is all of us, destonians.

This is only able to be real by the fact that the message connects with a part of you that you recognize, remember, live. For me, the portal, Eqafe, all of Desteni, connected with who I myself was, as life, as myself. Because we all know deep inside, that even if you are inside this body, with this mind systems, it’s not who you are, you are much more than that, and you can support yourself and others, in fact it’s why you are here for. So, the sensation I had but could not easily explain from being a “teenager” and hearing the desteni message, was that I was not alone. Not because I had met these people, they don’t know me yet, personally, and I have never talked to them face to face. But the information seen at the internet was enough to conect with me at a life level, which is if I may say more important than the small details of who we consider ourselves to be. A life level is basically, the best level, because why would you want to lose time? Isn’t it better if a communication goes to the core of who you are and how you experience yourself as? But I had a sense of… being “myself”, I wanted to protect it, because it was all I had since I had lost myself, and I was afraid of actually accepting that I don’t really exist, which I suppose is quite natural, and unnatural… but anyway all responsability was on me so I could not have blamed anything and anybody but myself for being who I was. And so, I felt supported, not because these people had supported me, but because now I was not alone with my mind anymore and without hope, I saw that I could in fact support myself in my solitute to create solutions and be one and equal with who I am. And this is what all of people will eventually need to accept: now that you know what life is, get into your solitute, and don’t get out until you are yourself. Sounds extreme, but it is the most direct path to yourself, and it’s what I am currently walking in my process. I didn’t need to be helped, I didn’t need to talk to people, once I understood what life is and has been troughout history, once I understood what self-support is, I became real, my communication with all of the destonians became real, the portal had set me free in a sense, even if the portal didn’t know who I was, nobody knew me in desteni, but that was never the point, I was the point, at a deep level we are all walking our paths. Our paths to not feel alone and surrounded by enemies anymore, to create a supportive life for ourselves and the rest, a true life, a meaningfull life, a life that basically remains in life for eternity and does not abuse it.

So this is me saying, I don’t need separations, I don’t need to look for myself in my desire for energy and superiority, I am right here, complete and walking my process, and you showed me this without even directly talking to me, which for me in the past seemed imposible, but I know understand because we are all life, the physical, and from that perspective we are who we are, and we are not incomplete, we are life itself, we are what is missing, and we can and must solve this existence.

So, just wanted to say a huge thanks if you read this, or if you don’t, and I’ll continue walking my process.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 18 Jan 2019, 19:52

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... g-process/

Day 153 – Mind energy possesions and leaving process

I am not here to remain in conflict, I am here to express my commitment to remain in my process. Neither I am here to say that I did an impressive achievement by this decition. Yes, when you have moments of energy possesions it’s hard to see, because you freak out, but in Eqafe you have all the support to support yourself. And even if you feel possesed, you know exactly how things are, you just freak out because your body or your mind is nor droping the energy. I get it, I understand it, and I forgive myself for it. I refuse to live a life where I throw away the key of honesty, my key, given to me by this life, and then live a life where from a lie, I will live all kind of energy experiences. I know it’s hard for me to understand even what I mean by these words, because I have moments of energy possesion. Honestly, I do manage forive myself for the small moments, I forgive the mind construct, and I set it free and it is working. The problem is with the big ones, there are not many, at least I have only found 1 by this moment of my process. It is the ego, it is a disgusting ego, a lier ego, a fake ego, a sweet ego, here is what it says: “Now you don’t think yourself to be special, now you ARE special”, “Everybody honestly loves you”, “You have real power”, “You have the benefit, keep it in you”.

There is one thing I appreciate of my process, and it is that it is done with myself alone. And if I receive support, is to understand myself when I am alone.

So, I really believe I have a lot of energy in this life, in my body. I have seen other bodies, and other humans, and I am just not going to lie to myself about what reality is, there are different bodies, different types of minds, and mine is honestly not bad, in fact it is quite good, healthy, energetic. This is not something that represents me, because it would be a lie. This is something that was given to me, it is not myself, it is not real, I can’t honestly say inside myself that is real, I just happened to be healthy in this life. This gave me the opportunity of getting a job without effort, simply for how I look, or how I make people feel. I mean it, I did nothing to deserve it, and the world is not equal and fair, the world accepts good things and rejects bad things, beautiful/ugly, the world it’s not real, it’s a separation, it is not fair, and it does not care. With world I mean this life, this reality. And the only way that you can accept that, the only way that you will accept that and live with it, is if you are in a position of benefit. You will say, oh, it’s how life happens to be. And if you see someone who desn’t have any benefit in this life? Fuck you, nobody cares. The curious thing is that people without benefit, are as guilty as people with benefit. Give them benefit, and they become exactly the same that the people they used to hate and conplain about. And take away the benefit from benefited people, and they will suddenly become humble, with no attachment to posesions, they will value their own heart, the truth, and it’s all a lie, both are a lie.

I happened to have a healthy life this time, and I know one thing, if I don’t act as myself, wether I have benefit or not, I will someday be different and desire I had acted according to myself.

So, I had an ego attack 2 or 3 weeks ago and I left process for those weeks. And it happened because I had an energy possesion. And the only justification for energy is that you will accept yourself to lie to yourself. And then, you look for the physical, hey! Physical where are you! Are you going to satify me? But now you denied your physical, you decided to try and conquer the physical and be god of existence, OVER the physical! And at some point of your life you conplain, because you are not happy, you have to keep this energetic addiction creation alive all the time, and you have to lie to all the existence, and extract life from them, because you don’t just live a lie to yourself, you live a lie also with everyone else. And then, if anybody does anything to you, any criticism to your energy, to the core of who you are, if anybody knows the truth about you and tells it to you, you take suddenly all your reality, all your knowledge, you invert it towards that truth that was said, and you deffend yourself from it. And now it’s the work of the other person, to uncover your whole existence, just to show you that you know what you are doing even if you will not say it outloud.

This is who I have been my whole life, in the name of energy, of being special, unique, of being loved, of being accepted, of enjoying when people find themselves in me, like if I had done anything you know? Like if I had created them. And through this door, through this experience, I can have a lot of energies experiences, I can sing with energy, I can believe myself to be right, I can live the life that I want, I can basically have anything! I can live a life that others only dream of, and no matter what they will ever do, they will never get here, and what’s their point on living? I am literally saying to them, I don’t care, just kill yourself, or be a slave. So, I can have all this and more, only if I accept one thing, one simple act, one movement, and I can have all that! I’ll lie to myself.

And it’s fascinating what you allow to exist in others, what we allow to exist in us, once we throw the key away, and we forget the most important thing, because it is worthless to our ego.

So, this is not good or bad, this is me saying the truth, and standing for the truth. And commiting myself to live in my physical, to stop my addictions, my desires, to stop consuming myself, to stop hidding the regret. And basically to live eternally, in the sense that I will accept anything that live brings to me, and I will be satisfied with that, in fact I will be relaxed. I will be able to leave in peace, peace may be not be what we most desire in the whole world to have mini orgasm in our minds, but at least it is something. And I rather have something than lying to myself.

I don’t say this because of anything, this is just where I am at my process, me committing with myself to stop this addiction that destroy me, this parasite, it really is a parasite. I want to live at peace, I want to be able to go my bed and sleep for real for once, I want to live while I am alive, and this won’t happen if I act from the starting point of energy, because energy goes with consecuence, and the only way for me to live like that is accumulating consecuence. So I decide to not give myself to energy, to not hear that call, to not hear fake promises, to not kill existence because I feel I can be superior. I want to live, act, and leave. This is who I commit myself to be



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 20 Jan 2019, 00:29

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... of-smiles/

Day 154 – Afraid of smiles

Throughout my life, my bright side, my honesty, became a part of me that I deliberately used to betray myself, and that’s why when I see an expression of certainty in someone else, of trust, kindness, joy, I tend to think that that person does not deserve it, because he or she will betray himself with it, the same way I have betrayed myself with my honesty throughout my life. I never expressed the good in me, as a real honest part, in a way or another, I always found the way to make it dirty or corrupted, and then I already knew it was not true, I was not true, but at the same time I knew why I had done it, to get energy, and keep growing as energy and abuse. This is why today I have this pattern, in which I judge everyone else the same way I judge myself, I use it to show to people, that they are betraying themselves with their own happiness, because if I have made myself suffer like that, they deserve it too, because it is easier for me to accept what I have done to myself throughout my life if the rest of people are equal or worse than me.

Many times I look at people, having normal predictable and happy lifes, lifes that I haven’t being able to have, for a reason or another, and I judge them thinking, you are too conformist, or, you are fake and based on looks, or you are not real, you don’t know how to live. And I say these things to them because I hate myself, oI hate everything I have made myself gone through, I hate how I have reacted to everything which has happened to me, how I made things worse for myself, how I have hurt people who I loved, while I one day was an honest good person, a trust-worthy person, and how however I have accepted throughout my life myself to be a person who gives up for his own self, who doesn’t even start to try to be happy, and then when I see the rest of people who do are happy, since I don’t deserve it, the rest don’t deserve it too, I look for faults in their happiness, I take the worst of them, and I use to apparently have power. While in reality I have always been here, I have always wanted to be happy, to do things right, to be honest, but I have made it absolutely impossible for myself, and I have blamed the rest of the people for it, and I have made them as miserable as me, because that way at least we all deserve my same fate and it’s not me alone.

And this is what people don’t know when they smile at me, that their smile is something I want to use for my benefit, I am so afraid of the smiles of others directed to me that I prefer to judge them inside of me, be as vile as possible, so I don’t have to accept them, because in first place I don’t deserve them, and in second place I don’t love them, I prefer to love them from my cruelty and sorrow, where I am much safer, and when they stop smiling at me, I don’t have anything new to accept because I knew it from the start, and that’s precisely why I judge them in my mind, because I knew that deep inside they are as evil as me, as unhappy as me.

There was always something happening in my life, I never had a moment of rest, I have always had anxiety, or things were bad at home, or teachers put bad marks on me, or I stopped going to class, or I felt guilty for having nothing else to do than playing videogames, or wasting my life, or I felt out of place, and my friends betrayed me, and I then begged to be accepted, but who would accept me if not even I accepted myself? What I have lived is just a soulless life, and what this world does to soulless things is try to destroy them, so they accept they do not deserve to be alive. This world rewards people who do not deserve it, and punish people who do not deserve it. And I am not much different, specially in punishing, I have mastered punishing myself. The worst in my life hasn’t been not having a shoulder to cry on, but not being able to cry in my own. This became a cancer in me, that I repressed, in an attepmt to have a life, even when you know you are better off dead, because to live like that is pointless. I have rejected everyone the same way I have rejected myself, and I have searched myself in all the places I wasn’t.

And when I try to live myself, who I really am, in honesty and with no tricks, I stop myself and I hit myself, where do I think I am going? To be happy? Me? After who I have been, what they have done to me, all I have done to me, and all I have done to everyone else? But, what is the alternative? To keep living on fear? I know that fear is not who I am, I’d like to express much more to people, I know it makes me happy when I do it, what holds me back it’s my own resentment, and how I have given a part of myself to the rest of people so they could take it and twist it with their own view and basically create an absolute mess. But I know who I am, and I know who I can be. I also know who I have always been. There wasn’t a single moment, and I mean it, a single moment that I didn’t know what I was doing to myself, who I really was, what I really wanted, what things were, what I was doing. I always knew who I wanted to be, but I held myself back.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 20 Jan 2019, 20:53

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... xpression/

Day 154 – The living example of redefining energy as expression

1-Anxiety. In my life I have lived anxiety as: Fear of my stability, irritation in the present moment because of the near future, indecition, excitement.

I redefine anxiety with my own true expression as: Tranquility towards my certainty, estability towards the present moment, compromise, grounding.

2-Excitation. In my life I have lived excitation as: Energetic, vibrant, happy, light, full of energy.

I redefine excitation with my own true expression as: Estable, fluid, secure, commited, full of my honesty.

3-Well-beingness. I used to define well-beingness as: Satisfied, dishonest, intense, superior, deceitful.

I redefine well-beingness with my own true expression as: Self-honest, self-commited, estable, one and equal, realible.

4-Special. I used to define special as: drawing attention, being perceived as pleasant, being superior, wanting the best.

I redefine being special with my own true expression as: letting mind energies go, being honest, being one and equal, being my true self.

So these are all my habits, I will expand in future blogs, because there is so much more, like comparition, blame, and they are waiting for me to redefine them and take this chance in my life. If I ever get lost I will come here to read who I am, who I know I am. And now it’s up to me what I want to live, and how long I want to make my process.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 24 Jan 2019, 15:58

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... years-old/

Day 156 – What a life of fear has taught me now 21 years old

Always since I was a kid, from the very first day, I decided to break the rules. It’s not that I was an evil kid, at least I was not at first, but the rules and the system made me feel empty, with no possibility of joy, without expressión, and breaking the rules was the only thing that made me feel alive. I broke them so much, that since I was very little I stopped going to school because it was boring, because exams seemed useless to me, because nobody was interested in me, the exam was what was important, but me actually learning? And that I had interest in doing that? That didn’t even exist, so I sent everything to hell and I created my own life, on the computer, getting addicted to videogames, where at least I did what I wanted. The only thing I have made some effor for, literally, was the guitar, my guitars, the ones I’ve had throughout my life. What happens is, since I had given up on myself, I never understood what my music or my recklessness meant for me. Instead, I was screamt at from all sources, all, at school, at home, with people, I didn’t fit with my friends because I knew I was different. And this broke me, because it wasn’t enough that I had broken myself, the world broke me in all ways it could come up with, people who loved me hurt me so much, and I accepted everything. Because I didn’t really understand who I was, to be honest I did, but I had fear. This fear grew with me, like a poison I allowed to exist in every part of me, I think I was forced to create this fear so something worse did not happen to me, I think with fear I was not alone, if I had fear everything made sense, I always fed my fear because it was what gave purpose to my life, because without it I would be a different person, Fear became me. And what happened is that I lost myself, and not just that happened, I forgot, and forgetting yourself is something very, very dangerous, because you will commit all kinds of crazinesses thinking you will never be held accountable towards anyone, but the day always comes, and when it comes, you basically die, because you can not exist for more time in the same way, it comes a point when your fear breaks of using it so much, and you realize it is not the solution, you realize it may be with you, but it’s not always going to be, and then you realize it is not your friend. And this is something very hard to realize, that everything you have ever done it was because you had fear, but fear is a gift. And I don’t talk about any fear, I talk about the biggest fear you can have in your life. This fear is you, leaving a track, showing to yourself, where you are, so you can find yourself, and you can recover who you are. It’s not beautiful, it’s not confortable, it’s not easy, it hurts, you get lost, you give up, you surrender, you look for the easy way, you cry. But the thing is the following, now it’s you not being beautiful, it’s you who is not confortable, who does not make things easy, it’s you that hurts, you who get lost, you who surrenders, and maybe this is not what you would have chosen from the beggining, maybe it’s not who you are meant to be, maybe I wish none of this had happened, I wish I had been who I was meant to be, but at least now you have something. At least now you know you have fear, you accept it, you have it, it joins you, and that’s much better than anything, that hidding it, dening it, prettending, dreaming, wasting your life, and having fear. Feeding your fear, and it being for nothing, it taking away all your dreams from you, that’s failure, your failure. But it exists so you do not forget who you are, fear is never going to leave you because it would mean that you would stop to be everything you are, and you are much more than that fear, so much more, you are alive to fullfill your dreams, to get to know yourself, to help the others, to be humble, to use this life. So fear it’s not really fear, it is a call, it is you calling yourself everyday and remembering yourself that you can not kill yourself, because you don’t want to, because you are not going to stop being who you are, nor you’ll ever will. And then the best is to make a decition, to establish finally who you are in relation to your fear, to this part of you. And then you are thankfull to fear, to every part of you, because they can not forget you, you can not forget yourself, you’d never want to, why would you? It was a mistake, but it happened, and today you are thankfull, of existing.

It’s about taking a decition, one which is best for you, and at doing so you will be giving back to life what it belongs. And don’t do it to be superior, or be famous, to have money, or fuck, I’d say don’t even do it to be happy. Do it because it is the truth, the only truth, and then you’ll always know you are living. Keep yourself there, live your life, overcom your fears, and change this world for this world to improve, and for kids someday to be borned to be themselves, and not to be slaves to anyone. Don’t ever allow to exist what you have allowed, you have allowed this world to exist as is even when you knew it was not honest.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 30 Jan 2019, 01:31

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... principle/

Day 156 – My mind as directive principle

I am really tired because I barely rest, but I am going to write myself briefly here. Sometimes I think that the things that go through my head, the thoughts, these stories and things I see, are normal and it’s the way life is, what happens is that I always have the experiencia of not being the directive principle of myself. One thing I like about stopping myself and the things that go through my head it’s that I get an honest feeling of relax and focused precise breathing, like if I had been waiting to finally stop thinking and be here in the momento, being next to myself. Then later in my life I conplain when I am not capable of being in control of all my energies and use them at their 100% purely in living actions which are best for me, but who allows it it’s me when I allow my mind to relax and have power over me, and this is not related to Desteni or how I have defined my process to be, this is something I must do for myself, because it is good for me, and because whatever it is I decide to do in my life if I don’t stop my mind, I am not going to be in control, and therefore eventually I’ll see the consecuences of that. The difference between autopilot thoughts, and consciouslly visiting throughs with a specific intention, like planning something for example, it’s a difference too meaninfull to not get to know it in its entirety. If I ever go back to that autopilot of thoughts and movements, it’s because it was my destiny from the beggining and I had to. I believe Desteni is very right and that people are separated from our physicals, we abuse it, and any of us can notice that with taking a look to our own substance, it goes in a direeeeection… then another direeeeection… reacting… and all that. So, when I am here as directive principle of my experience, as that decition, I have the power of creation, and I can control my thoughts much better, and this benefits my life, and my physical and mental health. What I do when I stop being the directive principle is consume my own substance to be entertained, to be “more”. I sincerely know my mind very deeply, I know who I am, and there is another different story which is how oneself lives that story for oneself, that’s a more conplex realm. They are the parts that you know, but they way they interact with each other and the way you use them is what defines them. So even if it takes more awareness and of paying attention to oneself and stop doing what one is doing with these parts that move inside one’s own head, it is worth it because it gives more meaning to your life, and it allows you to be who you are in what you do at your 100%, and this only takes place in a disciplined mind.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 30 Jan 2019, 14:54

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... to-myself/

Day 157 -The lies I tell to myself

I say a lot of lies to myself, sometimes I care about what other people think of me, or I want to impress them, or I blame someone, or I judge people, good people and bad people, or I enjoy things in such a way that I stop being the directive principle, and much more. But the biggest lie I say to myself is that because I feel invincible, and I am invincible, I will always be. And it just doesn’t work everytime I do it. I am not saying I am not invincible, I know I have moments that will always be with me, no matter what, but, what’s the point if at some point of my life I stop being who I am and just disconect from that? Then it does not matter who I was, I am no longer that person so, who cares about what I have been? I just have a tendency to believe myself to be something I am not, and I am not saying I am not it, I am rather saying that I don’t know how to live it in such a way that what I create is in fact honest. When I based myself on things that last in the moment normally it doesn’t tend to work well at the end. Just, who wants to be humble if you can stop being humble? And it’s not that I am not this person able to surprise myself, I love that, it’s just that I commit myself with myself only as long as I need to support myself. Once I am free, it’s like fuck it! Who was this silly guy being the directive principle and taking care of his own awareness? And then even if I know everything I know I create my own reality and I get lost in that because it’s easier. Why is it that in the easiest moments of our lives we create the biggest fuck ups? It seems irrational. It’s because I am greedy, and I like enjoying myself in such a way that I stop knowing my way back home, my physical. This is my problem, greed, I don’t just want my piece of the cake, I want the entire cake and then I don’t look back, it’s my cake! Fuck everything and everything else, my cake. I am just glad I am living and learning my lessons moment by moment I think, at least I have this, my life, my truth, let’s see if I live this word in such a way that it makes me more than who I am for real.



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 04 Feb 2019, 22:57

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... eone-else/

Day 158 – Prettending to be someone else

I have always done this. In honour to the truth, I was raised in such a way that I was highly rewarded if I lied to myself in some sense and accepted that I was wrong, and reward when I was what the other person wanted me to be, but this has no reason to be here I am just saying because it is one more aspect of my truth. So what I’d do is see who the other person desires me to be, and then use my potential, which is a lot, to enslave myself to that, this I’d all do it without noticing because really, we human beings don’t know the extend of depth of our minds and personallity, and it’s quite deep. So I’d go into that and that way it doesn’t matter what happens after that, if I become pointless, I suffer, I lie, I allow dishonesties to exist, and I feed other people, it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that with my relationship I’ve managed to aconplish the desire I wanted. Which was to be liked, or to get a job, or anything that I want, but please understand, when you reads these words you may believe that I in fact did these things, and in some way I did, but it was so deep that I would have never imagined myself saying these words, because, they make me weak! Why would I talk about this? I always have the desire of making this dark truth as less dark as possible, or explain it as briefly as possible, because if I allow myself to expand in all dymentions of it… then… well people, or even myself, may think that I am this dark! And darkness is not cool, so I will not allow myself to say one more word than it’s needed to explained it!! BUT! If it is positive, I’ll expand in so many ways, I’ll invent so much shit lol because being cool is not like being the darkess I hide and not allow myself to express without judgement or fredom from what others think of me or I think of myself as self-image 😉 But the point is, I did all these things to get things, and nothing of it was worth it, nothing, not the money, or the acceptance of people who hated me, it was all for nothing, I can get so much more from being myself, and it’s not only for myself, but something honestly good for everyone, and I can support people and myself which is something I really enjoy. So my advice for myself, as for the reader is, don’t sacrifice your good intentions to make this world a better place, for your desires. It’s not worth it, it will make you a slave, to the things you are desiring, and not only that but it will be all for nothing. On the other hand, if your starting point is honest, you may sometimes get what you are after, and other times not, since you will not be focused on the chase of that goal, but you will be so cool because you will think you yourself are cool because you know you have value within yourself, real value. Real value is the real money, and the real thing everybody is chasing within themselves. So don’t let anybody take it away from you, and use it for the benefit of everybody, just, why not?



Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: raul journey to life

Postby Raúl » 06 Feb 2019, 02:15

https://rauljourney2life.wordpress.com/ ... -who-i-am/

Day 159 – Who I am

In my blog I do the same that when I play guitar. With my guitar I can play happy or sad songs, sometimes I have played songs very very happy, and I have shared them with people and they have been good moments. But what I most know how to play are sad songs, songs that come from me, because for me, who I am in this moment, sadness is the most real thing. It’s not that I am only sadness, when I am happy sometimes I am very happy and I make people happy, in a way that I love to do it, like if it was real, like if when I said what I want to say, the person saw in the sound of my words that it is real and he felt what I feel. But this for me is but a part of myself that I don’t get to comprehend completely, a part of me that I have created to build an ego and be able to say that I am a positive person, and people should love me. And people sometimes love me, and I love them. But it’s not really real, because the most real thing I have inside me and I have always had is sadness, it’s the most pure feeling I have. That’s why I am so good playing classical guitar, as a solist, taking a sad song and playing it so good that people know that nobody would have performed it better at that moment. Without other people of a band to follow the rythm, without having to be happy, playing a sad song that I play my own way. In sadness I allow myself to be real, humble, I have nothing to prove, I don’t care about anything, I am just there playing the song. I would have always liked that everything I feel in my life was as real as sadness, but it has never been, I know a lot of things but I will never something so good as having something inside you which is killing you, and the only thing you can do with it is get sad, at least something.

So, who am I? Honestly I don’t know, I don’t know who I am. Sometimes I am god and other times I am a sad person, and other times I am free. For me pain doesn’t exist in relation to anything, it’s simply a thing that is had within you and that eats you from inside. But other times I see another thing, and I really see ti, I see as if it was the divine day, sort of. It’s like if everything I am was already in me, suddenly, without I even calling it, without having looked for it, it comes in the most unexpected way, it always surprises me, it does because I can’t imagine it, because at doing so I just create this positive and nice image of what it is, pero it’s not related to that. It’s like if I had no barriers, like if the doors of my expression were wide open, and it flowed through them everything I really have inside, and that’s conplicate to define, because how do you define sometime that is only present when you are not? It’s something that I am always chasing after, always, in everything I do, it doesn’t matter that I say to myself that I don’t do it, that I am being humble, I am always chasing after it, but it only comes when I am not. I don’t know if I am able to remember it, or if it is really who I am, or if I’ll die before I get to express that, or if it’s already too late for me, or if my brain will never find that part of me again. I don’t know if I will allow to exist in me, I don’t know if I’d be able to control it when it came, I don’t know if I’d be worth it, I don’t know if I’d live with the responsability, I don’t know if I’d have it without abusing it, if I would respect it eternally so it keeps being real, I don’t know if I am capable of accepting it’s all I am going to ever want, I don’t know if I’d be able to not hurt it, I don’t know if my life really makes sense, if I matter, if I am willing to bring myself back. I used to be it when I was a kid at the playground of my school, all I saw was that, I liked everything, for me everything was special, and then as time passed… I don’t know when it happened, it was a process, I slowly started having fear, I started apologizing, people started hurting me more, the world became too important, much more important than me, and one day I was alone at my house and I realized that it seemed like if I was not alone, like if now I was connected to people, despite being alone, something like that.

I know a lot of things, in my mind I’ve walked to the end of the universe and I have come back a million times, I already know it, but who am I? And how to live myself in every moment of my life? And be humble? That’s another story.

I know I’m saying all these words, because they are who I am, but if I invent new words of it, they hurt me. And I know why they hurt me, I am seeing it, it’s because it’s not who I want to be. I don’t want to be this, nor I want to be sad, or juzge people, hate them. I am afraid that if I choose to live again I’ll hurt myself again, and who suffers pain it’s me, me, this is what I have missed during my life. That’s why now I am seeing who I want to be, inside of me I am a really lovely person, literally, I like helping people, knowing that there is nothing they can do for me to stop being who I am, I like sharing my truth and my self-honesty with people, I like to choose who I am, have fredom to express myself, and make of this world a better place with it. I like to know that for me the most important thing is me, above everything else, above money, fame, hate, drugs, or anything else. I like knowing that despite everyone around me turning their backs on me, I am always going to be for myself, taking care of me, working, and doing everything I can to grow. I like when I am commited, when I take a decition, when I stop lying to myself and believing my own lies, I like when I am capable of seeing when I am hurting myself, when I am lying to myself. I like to be devoted towards something that nobody will ever see, something that I will never make anything out of it, but for me has incalculable value. What I most like is not hurting myself, and if I do see where I have done it so I can fix it and promise me it’s over. I like stopping being against me, so I stop myself from expressing myself unconditionally, whenever I want, towards what I want, because the moments requires it. I like to know that I am being who I am, that I am not searching for anything, that I am focused on what I have to be focused on, that I am not making excuses, that I am seeing through barriers. I like not stopping to be who I am, for anything or anyone, I like recognizing myself in my own nothingness, in my own secret clarity. But above all not hurting myself, not allowing myself to believe that I deserve to hurt me. And I like believing in others, and that people see who I am, and whe can help each other, and we can trust on one another. It’s cool when life is not a competition, and one stops having fear because the things that are not important have stopped being important.




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