Tormod's blogg

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tormod
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Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 25 Nov 2019, 12:09

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2019/1 ... e-of-self/


Day 853 – love of self


This is a continuation from: Day 852 – Making self love real



Self love is also not only outer living – outer living is a part of it – but the inner – physical being and awareness of self is the starting point of what I do. So it is to look in the mirror and be satisfied – be proud of what have been walked. To look in those eyes and smile, giggle even, because I have come to learn – that I can bring anything – here – and that I can forgive – anything and equalize to it – embrace myself – love myself equally as I can embrace & love anyone else, as me. Because deep down we are all equal and one – its only out expression that will differ. So I am discovering self love, and its humbling. I can embrace me – and thank me – to be grateful for me walking in forgiving self support of me. That is of living self forgiveness and part of my self love. I have walked and stood by my side through all kinds of mad storms – hell and high water, it has been tough – fail me not! But I am still here – standing by myself – by life – in self support – in self love – in self forgiveness. There is no other way. Self forgiveness is the ultimate key to find true self love as physical practical self awareness.



From forgiving my way through mind programs and systems – that have limited me into lesser than – from mind programs – non reality – from forgiving these systems and programs in great detail, I learn to stand up as the physical practical reality of me – to be proud of what I have walked and changed as myself – into a better functional responsible me. This process of forgiving myself into a solid me – to leave the fiction of mind – leads me into self gratitude and ultimatly self love.



-I can look in the mirror and be proud and glad of what I see. I can bring anything here – into me – to equalize to it and find within that – I can live what is best and make way for others to learn from my example.



I can live self love – because I take absolute responsibility – through self forgiveness and that over time I learn to know me, to appreciate me – to love me



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tormod
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Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 06 Dec 2019, 23:23

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2019/1 ... nd-sanity/


Day 854 – Depth, intimacy and sanity



A short story of my life. It is me who is living in this body. I was tonight, a rather hasty but also very much enjoyable and at times very easy going friday afternoon, enjoying the deep sea from a link from a friend on facebook.

As I was scrolling through the post and at all the time keeping my cool, I thought to myself what a remarkable experience of the depth in my chest. Depth in my chest. Equal to the page I was looking at. A newness, a silence, a sounding and affirming respect and intimacy within me.

I was reminded of life. Of my own look at myself in the mirror. I have since the last week, made it my goal and sincere ambition to. talk. to. myself. every. time. I. see. myself. in. the. mirror.



That is mostly after I visit the toilet. That toilet water that eventually run out in the ocean while the ever material is used as fertilizer. But this post is about depth and sanity, and a little about intimacy. It is all connected and there is technical homeopathy in every drop. That is the most and the core information I know about that specific chapter of my every day visits – I swear to dogs that it is the most of my knowledge about that taking place, and that more knowledge and awareness and perhaps even phone calls and searching online to the local sewage service company of other theories and information, could be added to my response ability on this specific field.



After these very fast and compressed details of my awareness, circumstances and comfort, I can then see the person I love and adore to my death.



Myself.

I lift my chest case to the picture of the dude, and start to gently but in a very charming way to giggle, I say something like; “Well, hello charm-face”, I might continue with something like, “You know you are the man” and similar affirmations to suit the comfort and living application of and into me. It does not take long time. I just see that charming fella and I say my honest gay appreciation of that face and circumstance.



I have been doing this for a week. One fucking week. I can with the depth of my chest and tail bone connected – present to you that it is the best drug anyone could every serve self. I have been tapping into some debt of myself, in between these mirages that appear like the purest grace ever to me dealt with. That being said I have been working for 8 years straight, with some, like myself, first amateurs that have since the last decade and so, through trial and error become experts of self. Experts of self. Nothing less. The real deal of why we are here in this arabraxas and complex, consequence and horror of self and our collective living on earth as the human that we say we are.



I look out the window tonight, after the loveliest supper that is in humbleness is served with bread and fish and Jesus, and I see the darkness and the rain outside. And I sink into that within and without. Within I sink in my chest, an affirming and really comfortable sinking that also goes outwards into my breast muscle and specifically my nipples. My tailbone and my buttocks. Because it is me. Because I am worthy of my own gratitude – my own praise – worthy of genuinely feeling myself. Because I allow myself to sink into myself – equally to sinking thousands of meters down, down, into the abyss of the sea where there is zero light and a pressing quiet and a finding of self that I do not yet know of. There I see on that link from my friend, into the sea, I see into me: a intimacy, I see into me myself and my integrity and my core of self. My heart in the rain. I see that I am part of everything and that I am everywhere and equally responsible for all and everything that takes place – from my physical body – the only thing we know is real.



I see that everything, every thing, has a breathing to it, sort of like everything is moving, like Greta Thunberg says there is change coming and it is not reversable, there is nothing none can do to stop the changes that we have been taking on and that we are living and that are here: presenting.



I see Neo in matrix, that there is nothing else other then oneness and equality as life. And that everything in separation of that life, is from fear and is based on ego. I find that fear and that ego of self and I forgive it – to be able to understand it, and that is what we destonians do – we change self as the problem: to be the living change of the world.

Depth, can add a lot to one’s process and perhaps also a healthy curiosity. To me it brings clarity, focus, centeredness, oneness, sanity and intimacy. I am truly grateful and humble for being in this body and for the process for me to walk.

There is a time for everything and for me this time affirmations in the bathroom mirror is a tool that I take with me further for the time being. I am humbled and baffled by my genuine and honest approach to this. Let’s see what we can do to bring some more of that change.



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tormod
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Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 08 Dec 2019, 14:09

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2019/1 ... thematics/


Day 855 – self worth mathematics



A thing about me, that I would like to make very clear, like “Chumbawamba” would sing it in 1997, is that I often find myself low, in emotion, in lesser then, ostracized, as an outsider – when meeting and working with people, where I would need to express myself, to participate, I would be expected to express myself, and in these moments I would as a common denominator start the expression of me – by me being inferior. I would start down low in emotion. This stemming from a pattern in my childhood of how my expression was not seen or valued – I would then as a child start to judge my expression and slowly poison and abandon myself and the part of me that still was this innocent expression – so I would then poison and abandon a part of my expression – a part of me.

So… in most situations, I find myself in lesser then, and I have made it my thing, like I know it is to millions out there – to then seek approval and acceptance from other people. I would look at them and seek permission and acceptance and allowance for me to feel good about myself. For me to feel self-worth and self-appreciation. I would look at the other person, and then imagine that I can allow myself to feel love, worth and appreciation – from them accepting me – needing the others imagined grant. I think to myself that I need to feel appreciation and self-worth only in my perceived and imagined acceptance and approval form the other.

It is quite the fuckup, agree?!!

Like I need to feel self-worth – depending on the other. There is nothing wrong with being loved or accepted and appreciated by others – but I sure would like for us to see the basic common sense in that this state of being must come from within the physical being of self. If not, it would not exist at all. Again – the mind is a smart trap to make life difficult.

So, I take it on myself to start to live more the words “self-worth”, and “self-love”, because I deserve it and because I need to be able to express this on my own, no matter what I think and believe others might think or perceive of me.
So again, a reminder to live the words self-worth and self-love from the physical within me – because what I think or imagine that other see me as – is nothing but mind games, and in that I stand inferior. So, time to stand up and be of physical self-worth and self-awareness.

Some self-forgiveness to go:


I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need another person to be able to stand on my own.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to poison and abandon a part of me from me, where I would abandon myself from my own self-expression, and start to reject myself as this childlike expression.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject and judge this particular childlike expression – that is still me.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must first lower myself and pity myself, judge myself to then seek approval and seek permission to be worthy and to feel loved – from how I experience myself in imagined relation to another where I feel I must have their permission to be.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the only way for me to be – is to crumble myself down down into the abyss of me – to find myself crippled and scared and hurt, for me then to seek approval from others to stand up, to rise and shine, to seek approval from others for me to feel loved and to feel appreciated.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for the resistance and the noise – reaction within my mind when I think that I have to be the low down dirty schizophrenic and that I am an outcast and that is how that is – where I feel like I need to seek approval and acceptance from others to be valued and loved. I would need others energy/feeling for me to then sense and feel that ok now I can love myself, now I can appreciate myself, now I can feel worth – because such is granted to me, from my imagination, of the other person.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dependant on another to seek approval of being me – to be able to have a life and to be worthy in my own flesh and being.

I commit myself to live self-worth in the real time moments when working with others.

I commit myself to strengthen my stand as self-support to be real as the physical being of me to give myself that honnor and self-worth.

I commit myself to find myself as that poisoned and abandoned kid and to embrace that kid as myself unconditional and to love that part of me – my innocence and my physical – to give life to life. That is true self forgiveness and true self-worth.

Investigate: desteni




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