Tormod's blogg

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mikelammers
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Re: Tormod's blogg

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Word!

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tormod
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Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

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https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2021/0 ... g-support/


Day 873 – receiving support


I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and go into self judgement, frustration and anger over receiving support, where I am reminded of the times in youth school where I was in need to extra support, because I could not understand the mathematics, and I felt so awful and bad for needing that extra support from the teachers, where I felt (and was) singled out, I was branded and I was excluded as not that smart as everyone else, I could not carry my own load and worse – I had to make up for this lack of popularity, lack of understanding math, in my own way, through taking on fights and conflict and other ways prove myself to the rest of the school.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself the moments when I was confronted by teachers in school where they would “hang over me” to help me understand something that I was not quite getting, where I felt so deeply intimidated and left out, smelling their breathe and fearing they should smell my breathe and I just sink into that shame, disgust and hate, rubbing my eyes, sighing, and going sour and hurt on my inside, hurting myself with anxiety, irritation, horror and hate that was suppressed deep within me.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for channelling the frustration and the hate that I felt when I was 13 and 14, inwards into myself, where I would learn to hate myself, where I would grow anxious and basically through channelling all my problems into myself to suppress and hide deep within me, that would destroy me and hurt me, from the inside, from me doing what everyone else was doing with and about school.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking I can’t clearly enough express my regret and massive disappointment over school and the education system that was and that is beyond sickness.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an outcast and a freak from going to school, like school itself was making me moan, cry, pity myself, school itself was teaching me how to hate, to fear, to reject and to fight and over all making me a wreck, making me really sick and making me a criminal.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to talk negative about school because my parents were also teachers.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself see in clarity how school taught me how to hate and how to reject and resist life within myself, school was a true prison of horror for me and there really is no easy way to say it.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for the times in class where I would rub my eyes and learn to turn the pain into myself instead of learning how to handle the pain and how to express myself to be able to deal with the pain and basically to forgive the pain, that I was not taught, and therefor I write these words of change.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about receiving support is something of a drag and a painful dreadful embarrassing event, to judge myself and to wake up the horrors from my school, from receiving support.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to receive support because of fear of waken up my horrible memories from school – of receiving support from teachers and how that played out.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all common school systems, like public schools should be put down asap, because they are insane and are creating monsters.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am evil of bad because I want to end all schools, but it is truly an act of compassion, genuine care and common sense.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be unpopular with people who see this different – people who think schools are ok or good anyhow.

When and as I see myself needing and receiving support, where I feel like turning the emotions inward into myself I breathe, and I breathe some more and I ground myself – I forgive the energy, the emotion and the entity that is distracting me from receiving support – because there is no need to feel emotional about receiving support – it simply is – and there is no need to judge that.

I commit myself to see support as something good where I can open up myself to receive and where I can fully embrace and take in the support. I commit myself to immediate embrace and live the word “embrace” in situations where I am to receive support – where I can focus on how the support can benefit me and my process and possibly others.

I commit myself to keep sharing my experience of school.

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tormod
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Re: Tormod's blogg

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https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2021/0 ... cide-talk/


Day 874 – Suicide talk

If you are suffering from psychosis or thoughts of suicide: I suggest to contact your doctor or local support team. I not a doctor or a scientist – I am a man working my way through my schizophrenic mind.

Why do we allow our self to entertain thoughts of suicide? Meaning why do I allow myself to give energy, thinking, emotions and time around the idea of suicide instead of simply seeing the thought of suicide – and then just go “NAH” – and ignore it – totally.

If we feed these thoughts within us, with lots of thinking and worry – we then give our energy, time and focus to the idea – here being of suicide, then it will grow & expand. The way we are raised makes this relation into magnetism – we are somehow drawn to such thoughts. It is to be said that people with mental illness have a harder time within this than most others. That means we need to learn more tools and ways to be able to deal with such states of mind. What I am learning is to recognize my thought(s) of suicide – and to see it as a fly on a wall – a dot on the screen. And to from there simply ignore it – to NOT go into nurture it or give it time and energy. If I give it time and energy – it will grow and make my life hell. But if I am able to forgive the circumstances around the thought and then isolate the thought – and from that see the thought as a fly on the wall – and then just ignore it. If I after ignoring it go into defeat and depression anyhow – the loop will just continue to recycle itself. So after ignoring it – after ignoring the “fly” I have to support myself with a living word. If you wonder what is a living word – I can explain that for you – if you ask me.

I suggest to learn how to use self forgiveness and what is living word application. I can help you with this. I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that thoughts of suicide are dangerous and wild, and that I should not play with such thoughts and in that danger reaction – I nurture the thought of suicide, from thinking that I should not do this and I am being a rebel and seeing the rebel as a cool thing and then feeding the original thought of suicide to grow even more.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my thoughts of suicide are dangerous and it is like I am in a drama/action movie and am giving the thought of suicide more and more attention from how I feed the system and components around it.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my suicide thoughts are exotic and cool.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my suicidal thoughts are shameful and that it is my parents fault that I have suicidal thoughts and I should blame them and then within that only feed the emotions and system of the thoughts of suicide and make the suicidal thoughts more pervasive within me. There is nobody to blame. It is all about self change.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for after ignoring the thought of suicide – like a fly on the wall, I would go into defeatism or depression, feeling miserable, that would only feed the loop into more suicide thinking.

I commit myself to when I notice a suicide thought within me – when I spot it – to consider it as a fly on the wall and let it be just that – to ignore it – to not entertain it with thoughts and energy – and rather focus on supporting myself other vice.

I commit myself to stop going into defeatism or depression – after I have ignored the “fly”, but rather find a living word to support myself with.

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tormod
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Re: Tormod's blogg

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https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2021/0 ... 75-eczema/

Day 875 – eczema


My experience with eczema


Ever since I can remember I have had rash or eczema on my skin. My mother would apply all sorts of lotions on my skin since I was very young. I remember that it was unpleasant and I would cry. I was later seeing doctors about it and the best they could do was to give me more strong cortisone lotions. I grew out of the eczema in my teens, only for it to re-emerge during military and also working constructions.

The doctors would always find an outside source for my rash. But I knew that there was something also deep on my inside. When I was about 7 years old I had the Epstein Barr virus. And I remember from that I would be lying on the sofa with a cold cloth on my forehead with my mother watching over me. I was having some deep and very strong fever hallucinations, and the fevers would later return as nightmares as I grew older. The nightmares where always similar to the fever hallucinations I initially had from the E-B virus. It would evolve much around my hands, they would feel so uncomfortable and rusty, like they where so dry and sand like. The feeling on my hands was strange and very unpleasant.

After military and construction work my eczema got worse and I had lots of dry, itchy and red skin. My life was then filled with stress, anxiety, paranoia and fear, as I was multiple addicted and also in and out of mental hospital.

I would later find some very good support from desteni wiki, about how to deal with eczema se link here: https://wiki.desteni.org/index.php?titl ... a_and_Fear

This link explains how eczema come from early on suppressed fear. And also how to solve that through self forgiveness.

I learned then to work with self forgiveness – to forgive my mind body points that were creating the irritation on my skin. And self forgiveness was a game changer for my eczema. I was able to end most of it and heal lot of my irritation. I would not experience much eczema for a long time. Then this Christmas 2020, I again had some flaming up on my skin. It had been re-occurring for a while. And it was very cold this winter I was in fear of my skin cracking up. So, I had heard some good things about homeopathy and I was friend with a practitioner, and I decided to book a session with him.

So initially we talked and I mentioned my Epstein Barr fever and hallucination about my hands and how I had this hideous feeling on the skin of my hands – that would haunt me. I also talked about my suppressed emotions, from how I resisted going to kinder garden and how much lotion I would use.


So, after our session of talking back and forth he per scripted me with a remedy. It was called locopodium 200 C. I ordered it myself from the local drugstore. It was this small, really mini jar consistent of some very small pills, the size of a pin needles head. So, I took one of these tiny pills, and solved in a cup of water and drank. Soon after I was looking into myself, to see what I was sensing within myself, into my body. This deep, very deep in my darkness, bright blue flame burning within me. It was a healing that was taking place. I did experience a slight headache and that was pretty much it. After that my hands and my skin have been very good. I do not have itches on my hands and my overall skin is very good and pleasant. My experience of the homeopathy remedy might be very different to other people’s experiences. But I like to see into myself to see what is taking place in my inner universe.

This is my experience with eczema and my journey with it so far. Self forgiveness and homeopathy healed me. Link to my very good homeopath : https://spaceofgrace.net/practice/practical-homeopathy/
It is online and it is from the work place “Space of Grace” : Enjoy it !

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