Luka's Writings

User avatar
AmandaRichert
Posts: 230
Joined: 03 Oct 2011, 17:29
Location: Louisiana, USA
Contact:

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby AmandaRichert » 26 Dec 2011, 19:58

Wonderful, detailed support here! The specificity of writing out each point is so liberating as I have experienced after following Marlen's advice before! I had described it as "pulling out the cobwebs from my head"!
Glad you are here, Luca to take back your power of your self! I used to smoke too much weed too, and experienced similar stuff, and also realised that in allowing the fear of the same things happening, I wasn't helping myself but only hiding behind the belief that I didn't have control. Once we face every thought, feeling and emotion in writing, we can actually get to the core, see ourselves, how we work, why we do the things we do. It's really cool, taking back the power through self forgiveness, taking responsibility, becoming self honest, getting to know self, and directing self.
Enjoy your process :)



User avatar
Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Luka » 30 Dec 2011, 15:57

Marlen, thank you for your extensive feedback!

I am already writing down my feelings/thoughts/fears on the daily basis, from which I will form the continuing posts on my blog and consequently here on the forum.

The next topic in my blog will be "My psychotic ideas/thoughts/thinking patterns/feelings/beliefs (exact memories) from my psychotic episode in 2007", as you already suggested.



User avatar
Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Luka » 01 Jan 2012, 10:43

Month 2, Week 1:

My psychotic ideas/thoughts/beliefs from my psychotic episode in 2007

Well, basicly I've lost contact with reality, what is significant for psychosis. Let's see what was going on in my mind:
- I thought/believed that I was in somekind karmic connection with medieval history of my hometown Celje
- I thought/believed that I can travell back in time
- I thought/believed that I can change weather
- I thought/believed that after my death I will reincarnate as a raven, like some higher being
- I thought/believed that I am a left-hand path practician
- I was reading between the lines, when reading some book, meaning that I was interpreting what I've read in my own false way
- I thought/believed that colors have some higher meaning, for example I thought that purple is in connection with high spiritual advancement
- I was wearing only one contact lense, walking around half blind, thinking/believed that with that maneuver I will correct my sight
- I thought/believed that I will hack my mobile phone, enabling me to have costless calls
- I deleted all the numbers from my mobile phone, not even realising that I will lose some important contacts. I left only two numbers on my mobile phone, that were in my opinion in some spiritual connection with me and each other
- I thought/believed that I was in some secret connection with the postman
- I thought/believed that I will be the one who will solve mathematics/physics "till the end"
- I thought/believed that I can foretell the future from past chat logs of msn messenger
- I thought/believed that I didn't have Oydip's complex
- I thought/believed that I won't go to study psyhology and would rather open the ordinacy and help people right away
- I thought/believed that when we got stoned with my ex-drug-friends we were on some special spiritual mission
- I thought/believed that I have a special spiritual name, which is changing during my spiritual evolution
- I am a left-handed person, but I was signing myself with a right-hand, thinking/believeing that this has some special meaning
- I wasn't eating much, because I thought that I don't need food and consequently I lost too much weight so that my bilirubine in blood was high
- I wasn't sleeping much, because I thought that I don't need sleep and consequently I was tired all the time and at night I was in the state where I didn't really sleep and wasn't really been awake.

At hospital:
When I was taken into hospital firstly I was in the Closed Department. I was in that department for a month and I must admit that I don't remember much from this month. What I remember is that I was in room 4 (room 4 was the room that was under constant observation) all the time and that I was doing a lot of push-ups in my room, which was the act of psychosis. I was then moved into Open Department, but still psychotic:
- I was later told that I was searching some magic door that would take me home.
- I've claimed that I've looked all drugs into the eyes, which of course wasn't true, I've just seen people high on speed/cocaine/heroin.
- I've thought/believed that some female patient was my personal doctor on the open department
- I've thought/believed that they will close the hospital because of my illness
Then I've got more appropriate medication and was improving fast and was released after two months on the Open Department.

I should probably apply some self-forgiveness but I have no idea how. Please give me some feedback/help/advice.



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3726
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Contact:

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Anna » 02 Jan 2012, 00:46

I should probably apply some self-forgiveness but I have no idea how. Please give me some feedback/help/advice.
Hey Luka.

As you've written the point out so specifically already you can simply apply SF under each sentence/thought/experience and within that also look at the implications of the thoughts/experiences and yourself as the source/origin point thereof. You can also focus your SF on yourself and yours process here now - you can also do this in relation to past experiences and self-definitions, but I suggest to focus on what you experience as affecting you here and now. A suggestion can be to start with that point in your daily life-experiences that you see as the most "disturbing/limiting" for you. It could also be holding onto the past as past experiences and/or self-definitions. This could be a cool place to start in relation to experiences from 2007.



User avatar
Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Luka » 03 Jan 2012, 11:29

Ok, I will apply self-forgiveness for every point mentioned.. On friday probably, when I'll be on a weekend exit.



User avatar
Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Luka » 08 Jan 2012, 10:22

Month 2, Week 2:

My Inabilities (On Blog)

I am unable to read a lot, because my reading condition is still pretty bad. I can read like 20 minutes at a time maximum and then have to make a pause.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to read a lot, because my reading condition still being pretty bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to read like 20 minutes at a time maximum and then having a pause.

I am unable to watch TV a lot, what can I endure is watching music videos like 30 minutes a day maximum.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to watch TV a lot.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to endure watching music videos like 30 minutes a day maximum.

I am unable to go to the cinema, because I am unable to watch a full time movie, which is like 1hour 45 minutes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to go to the cinema.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to watch a full time movie.

I am unable to go for a walk that lasts more than 1 hour.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to go for a walk that lasts more than 1 hour.

I am unable to study for a faculty because of my bad reading condition, as I mentioned in point one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to study for a faculty because of my bad reading condition.

I am unable to listen to lectures because of my bad listening condition.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to listen to lectures because of my bad listening condition.

I am unable to do ANYTHING after 6 o'clock in the afternoon, that's how experience taught me. After this time I just relax and do nothing, because being active after this hour can result in mixed up thoughts and consequently fall of my mental endurance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to do anything after 6 o'clock in the afternoon.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of mixed up thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of the fall of my mental endurance.

I am unable to go shopping with my parents because they go shopping late in the afternoon. Going shopping earlier in the afternoon probably wouldn't be such a problem, the biggest problem would probably be being among the crowd of people and queueing, queueing and queueing again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to go shopping with my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being distracted by the crowds of people and queueing.

I am unable to work 8 hours a day. I'm probably unable to work even 4 hours a day, what I can endure is working for 2 hours a day, but with big effort and pause inbetween.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to work 8 or 4 hours a day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being able to work only 2 hours with a pause inbetween.

I am unable to go for a drink with my co-patients, because I don't endure much sitting, listening and talking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to go for a drink with my co-patients.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I can't endure much sitting, listening and talking.

I am unable to hang out with my friend Blaž more than 1 hour, that is walking and having conversation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to hang out with my friend Blaž more than 1 hour.

I am unable to ride a bike. Not completely unable but I would probably endure some short rides, like going downtown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to ride a bike.

I am unable to go to the seaside. This is because of minimal 6 hours driving to the seaside and going out in the evenings which I wouldn't endure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to go to the seaside.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to endure the driving to the seaside.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being unable to endure going out in the evening on the seaside.



User avatar
Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Luka » 08 Jan 2012, 16:28

Can somebody of the administrators/moderators please delete my upper post. I've applyed self-forgiveness to the things they cannot be self-forgiven (physical states/conditions). The corrected post follows.



User avatar
Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Luka » 08 Jan 2012, 16:30

Month 2, Week 2:

My Inabilities

I will write something about the things I can't do yet, as a consequence of my current mental health:

I am unable to read a lot, because my reading condition is still pretty bad. I can read like 20 minutes at a time maximum and then have to make a pause.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to read a lot, because my reading condition is still pretty bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to read like 20 minutes at a time maximum and then have to make a pause.
I am unable to watch TV a lot, what can I endure is watching music videos like 30 minutes a day maximum.
I am unable to go to the cinema, because I am unable to watch a full time movie, which is like 1hour 45 minutes.
I am unable to go for a walk that lasts more than 1 hour.
I am unable to study for a faculty because of my bad reading condition, as I mentioned in point one.
I am unable to listen to lectures because of my bad listening condition.
I am unable to do ANYTHING after 6 o'clock in the afternoon, that's how experience taught me. After this time I just relax and do nothing, because being active after this hour can result in mixed up thoughts and consequently fall of my mental endurance.
I am unable to go shopping with my parents because they go shopping late in the afternoon. Going shopping earlier in the afternoon probably wouldn't be such a problem, the biggest problem would probably be being among the crowd of people and queueing, queueing and queueing again.
I am unable to work 8 hours a day. I'm probably unable to work even 4 hours a day, what I can endure is working for 2 hours a day, but with big effort and 15 pause inbetween.
I am unable to go for a drink with my co-patients, because I don't endure much sitting and talking.
I am unable to hang out with my friend Blaž more than I hour, that is walking and having conversation
I am unable to ride a bike. Not completely unable but I would probably endure some short rides, like going downtown.
I am unable to go to the seaside. This is because of minimal 6 hours driving to the seaside and going out in the evenings which I wouldn't endure.



Maya
Posts: 1267
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:56

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Maya » 08 Jan 2012, 19:54

Can somebody of the administrators/moderators please delete my upper post. I've applyed self-forgiveness to the things they cannot be self-forgiven (physical states/conditions). The corrected post follows.
How about instead of deleting the post, you'll write a blog about the realization you had in relation to this point to support other people?
Also, i'm not sure about what you mean about things that can not be forgiven (physical state/condition). can you expand on this point or refer to a specific SF so that we can all be align with what you are walking?



Marlen
Posts: 4327
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
Contact:

Re: Luka Blogging for Sponsorship

Postby Marlen » 10 Jan 2012, 21:06

Hi Luka - as Maya has explained already, we can't delete posts like that.

Realize that this process is to walk a process of self support and within this, we all are aware that everything we post is part of our understanding according to the point in process we're walking. Hence, take into consideration that you're able to simply correct your starting point from now on once that you've realized for yourself the point that is to be corrected. This way you can keep track of your own process which is something cool to keep for the sake of seeing how we go establishing ourselves within this process as we go.

Any reactions, thoughts that may come up from reading your words: Self Forgiveness - that's how we assist and support ourselves to face ourselves - after all, this is part of the process in itself and wanting to delete parts of it is implying that you are reacting to seeing 'that' as coming from you/written by you. For that, self forgive and move on from a corrected starting point.


Within your posts I do suggest that you see how you are able to practically correct all points of beliefs and ideas about what you are 'unable' to do, see if such impediments are 'real' - that's the way you can turn such statements into self supportive points wherein you can assist yourself to realize your ability to be and stand without limitations only formulated and existent in your mind.

See the points and write down what you see within these perspectives with regards to your writings.




Return to “Writing Yourself to Freedom”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron