Luka's Writings

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KimKline
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby KimKline » 21 May 2012, 13:04

As a suggestion:

Look into your experience at the time, what did you allow yourself to experience and participate within during the events? Did you, for example, go into inferiority when you were bullied, within the belief that you could not defend yourself?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as inferiority when others bully me, within the belief that.... and then write out why you believed that you were inferior, and then forgive that belief as well.

Also:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot defend myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to be defended (because, no one can 'hurt' you unless you allow it. Physically- yes, you can be hurt. But, you don't need to think about defending yourself physically and react to it by, for example, feeling you are unable to, or by fearing it- that is counter-productive. If you are physically hurt, you will act in the moment regardless of how much you have thought about it, feared it etc..., so it's actually quite possible to just let it go).

Obviously you'll never know what was going on in the minds of your peers who bullied you, but you can forgive the reasons why YOU thought they were doing it, because those are actually self-judgments which contributed to your experience and your definition of yourself, which contributed to who and how you've created yourself as you are today. So write down all the reasons why you think you were bullied, and then forgive yourself for them, for example, for accepting and allowing yourself to judge yourself (how did you judge yourself? "I was a good pupil," "others envied me,"), define yourself (how did you define yourself? "Introvert" "sensitive person") and create beliefs about yourself (what beliefs did you create,, for example, "I am weak," "I am disliked," "others envied me" etc...) and 'bring it Here', by forgiving it in the present, eg: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive myself to be weak).


Within doing this, when these old patterns come back, you will more easily recognize them, so that you can forgive them Here, in real time, in order to slowly but surely stop yourself from recreating these experiences for yourself. Those days are gone indeed, but so long as they impact you, you are digging them up to relive them over and over. But as you can see, that is NOT who you are. Who you are is Here, so we all need to stop living in the past and stop basing ourselves on the selves we have created through taking no self-responsibility, and start creating ourselves from here on out, within absolute self-responsibility. Which takes practice.

Awesome you are digging into your past Luka, and beggining to, step by step, release yourself from it!



Marlen
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Marlen » 21 May 2012, 14:11

Cool support, Kim - thanks

I can relate to your experience Luka, having gone through that from a very early age was a bit traumatic and I've written about it on my blog

The Self Forgiveness is there as well Day 20: Childhood Schooling Years and it's definitely cool that you're opening up those memories, as they are the 'blueprint' of how we programmed ourselves according to the ways we dealt with our reality in such moments/ events.

Some Self Forgiveness from there around this point in the blog:
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself within such experiences wherein I believed that everyone was on to ‘see me fall’ and that their happiness depended on ‘seeing me fall/ make a mistake/ fuck up,’ wherein I believed that all eyes were on me and that I was constantly ‘in the spotlight,’ which is essentially the usual delusion we get imbued with wherein we believe that we are the center of the universe and that everyone is looking at us, expecting something from us without ever actually taking a moment to realize: this is me doing this to myself, this is me trying to catch up with an illusion as the cage that I have built for myself wherein I believe I can’t ‘get out’ or I’ll ‘lose’ the ‘who I am’ toward others and myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop rivalry and consider as ‘enemies’ fellow classmates at a very tender age because of hearing how they were ‘on to get me’ and out of fear I simply made sure that I would not allow them to get into my position not realizing that within that, I was becoming part of the game of competing against each other and being under strenuous pressure and constant anxiety/stress because of fearing that they would eventually get ‘better grades than me.’ I mean now that I see it, it is absolutely exhaustive to even remember how bad it was having to keep up this idea/ image of myself toward others and existing in constant competition.



I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to apparently stop caring that much about grades while continuing being ‘responsible’ and obtaining good-grades yet developing this ‘opposed’ personality to what I had been as a little girl wherein I deliberately would get ‘down from the top of the hill’ not to an equality level, but below sea level wherein I wanted to be simply ‘normal’ as in being a kid that struggles, that fucks up, that makes mistakes as that seemed to be what everyone was talking, a point of identification between one another and ‘I’ wanted to be part of that – therefore
And here's an oldie one - sf on school role - you can copy paste the text as it is in yellow transposed from the other blog I have.


So, as Kim has explained, it is to Self Forgive about the belief of you being envied by others, which is only a mind-mechanism to victimize ourselves instead of taking self responsibility for what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to experience when participating in such games.

I also wrote the following one out ‘The Outcast’: self-imposed tag stemming from the same experience throughout school.

I suggest you share your Self Forgiveness here so that we can assist and support with any fine tuning requirements.

Thanks for sharing



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Luka
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Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 23 May 2012, 09:21

Thank you Marlen, I will study these blogs and write some additional SF application on this topic.



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Luka
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 22 Jun 2012, 15:48

Shame, waiting, worrying, loneliness, boredom, laziness (On Blog)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the feeling of shame and that I am ashemed what will people think about me, when I write about my problems/fears/depressions and about my past/present mental states and inabilities.
Whenever I notice that I am experiencing the feeling of shame, I stop, I breathe. Instead of experiencing the feeling of shame, I establish the new pattern without shame, because I understand that the feeling of shame is completely unnecessary and unnecessary is also the fear that someone will judge me, if I reveal myself and my problems, because I understand that this fear is systematic in its design and thus unnecessary as any other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to finding it important what people think about me, instead of removing this pattern, and then I wouldn't feel no shame anymore and could express myself without limitations. When I will manage to do that, there will be no more self-judgement in me and at the same time I won't be afraid that someone else will judge me.

I've realised that I will have to redefine some words during my Desteni process. The example of such a word is 'waiting'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some time period as 'waiting'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'waiting' with words like 'tension', 'nervousness', 'boredom' and 'waste of time'.
Whenever I notice that I am experiencing the feeling of 'waiting' I stop, I breathe. Instead of experiencing the feeling of 'waiting', I establish the new pattern without waiting, because I understand that this experience of waiting is completely unnecessary and I should just 'forget' about it and just don't wait and find myself the appropriate activity in self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed because of worrying in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word 'worry' with a negative value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word 'worry' with words like 'uneasiness', 'tension', 'fear', 'importance', 'depression'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience worry and thus separate myself from present moment and live in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to establishing the pattern of finding the worst possible outcome for the sake of some event in the future and connect it with worry and fear.
Whenever I notice that I am experiencing the feeling of worry, I stop, I breathe. Instead of experiencing worry, I establish a new pattern of state without worry, because I understand that worrying has no actual purpose and is only limiting me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy.
Whenever I notice that I am becoming lazy I stop, I breathe. Instead of being lazy, I establish a new pattern of state without laziness, because I understand that I only limit myself through laziness, that is being trapped in the time loop of weariness and thus postpone things, which should be done in any way, for example preparing and eating breakfast. I will avoid laziness with establishing new pattern of performing in some activity by just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely.
I forgive myself that I am not self-sufficient and thus need impulses from the environment, that is people, to lift me up, physically and mentally.
I forgive myself that I haven't realise that I am responsible for how and what I feel, and can create positive impulses that lift me up physically and mentally myself.
Whenever I notice that I am getting the feeling of loneliness, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being lonely, I establish a new pattern of state without loneliness, because I understand that loneliness is only the imaginary need of my mind to be surrounded by people and getting impulses from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bored.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind and thus enabling boredom to exist.
Whenever I notice that I am becoming bored, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being bored, I establish a new pattern of state without boredom, because I understand that boredom is only the consequence of too much active mind, which tends to process some information and sensations from the environment constantly and if there these sensations and information start to run out, my mind triggers the feeling of boredom.



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Lindsay
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Lindsay » 22 Jun 2012, 17:44

Cool Luka



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Kristina
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Kristina » 23 Jun 2012, 05:46

Yes, Cool re-scripting of self here, Luka!



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Cathy
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Cathy » 23 Jun 2012, 06:48

Very cool Luka



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Luka
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Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 23 Jun 2012, 09:39

Anxiety attack experience (On Blog)

Yesterday I had some special happening for the sake of my mind. I got pulled in some "state of vacuum" spontaneously. It was like a state of shock, coming in waves. I got connected to presence by force and the experience was strong. I had this feeling that I could actually SEE the thoughts for a moment, and it was more like unfinished thoughts/thought fragments. And at the same time the fears (from the subcounscious, I guess) arose. I then managed to come out of these states by ocupying my mind with mental activity, which was blogging. I interprete (with some feedback on the forum) this event as an anxiety attack. The fears that erupted were the following:

Fear of no thoughts:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of no thoughts.
Whenever I am afraid of no thoughts, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern of state without fear, because I understand that a state of no thoughts is a ordinary state and maybe even more natural than a state with thoughts.

Fear of nervous breakdown:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the nervous breakdown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about having a nervous breakdown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of thinking about the nervous breakdown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the possibility of me having another nervous breakdown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of not being able to do anything else but lay in bed.
Whenever I am afraid of nervous breakdown, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern without fear, because I understand that nervous breakdown can not happen again, because I do all the things in moderation, don't react with adrenaline anymore and take appropriate medication.

Fear of psychosis:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the new psychosis episode.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the possibility of having another psychosis episode.
Whenever I am afraid of a new psychotic episode, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern without fear, because I understand that I am in that 30 per cent of the patients where psychosis will never happen again, because I take the right dose of the appropriate medication, don't drink alcohol and don't smoke marijuana anymore.

Fear of death because of no mind:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of my own death, thus that I won't exist anymore or that I will lose myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word 'death' as something bad/negative within my mind, instead of realising that death is something natural and ordinary.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word 'death' with a negative value.
Whenever I am afraid of my own death, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern without fear, because I understand that I will never cease to exist and that I will never lose myself, because I will always exist as Life, thus death being something completely ordinary and natural, and denotes only the ceasing to exist physically, but still remaining here and now.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I would die if my mind would be erased completely in this moment.
Whenever I am afraid because of stopping my mind, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid that I would die if my mind would be erased completely in this moment, I establish a new pattern without fear, because I understand that stopping the mind is a completely gradual process that takes years and is thus harmless in its nature.

Fear of no turning back:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that there is no turning back in my process and that I will continuously be absorbed into anxiety attacks.
Whenever I am afraid that there is no turning back in my process I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern without fear, because I understand that I can end my Desteni process any time I want, but at the same time I understand that this won't happen, because I only profit from my process and I also understand that I only cleanse myself/my subconscious through these conscious anxiety attacks.

Fear of Nothingness:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of Nothingness as a final stage of my Desteni proces, which is the stage in which there is no more thoughts entering and also no feelings and emotions are experienced.
Whenever I am afarid of Nothingness, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern of state without fear, because I understand that a state without thoughts, feelings and emotions is a harmless state and maybe even more natural than a state with these mind activities.

Fear of out of body experience:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of the out of body experience.
Whenever I notice that I am afraid because of OBE, I stop, I breathe. Instead of being afraid, I establish a new pattern of state without fear, because I understand that human body is designed in the way that OBE can't happen spontaneously and at the same time can not happen at all.




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